NationStates

The following matter has been brought to issue: GREAT BALLS OF FIRE

DeerField Cove is abuzz with news of a huge meteorite - dubbed ‘Big Max’ by the media - which smashed into a large town on the outskirts of DC yesterday, killing thousands and leaving behind nothing but a smouldering crater.

The impossible resolutions for this issue have been provided and have been stated and provided as follows:

1. “We can’t let a little old boulder get the best of us!” bellows Lana Hume, a burly military official. “We have to fight back! Show ‘em what we’re made of! With a little funding, we could develop some terrific new weapons for the next bit of flying rock that dares to threaten us! Nuke it to smithereens! If ever there was a time to prepare for space warfare, it is now!”

2. “That’s all well and good,” interjects Professor Raphael Plath, leading scientist at the DeerField Cove Meteorological Office. “Except that the chances of a fall of this magnitude occurring twice in the same area are miniscule at worst. I propose you direct your funding to the real issue here - rebuilding the homes and properties that have been lost, and tending to the injured and traumatised. As soon as we’ve removed what’s left of Big Max for studying, you can make a start.”

3. “Remove the greatest phenomenon DeerField Cove has ever seen?!” cries Yui Webster, the famous museum tycoon. “Surely you can envisage the profit that could be had here? We should be opening the site for tourists! Think of the possibilities - guided tours, gift shops, theme parks! You don’t want to build on top of all that potential, do you? Besides, the old residents are all dead now anyway! I’m sure this is what they would have wanted.”

4. “All of these ideas are either costly, ridiculous or both!” snorts your Spiritual Advisor, leaning over your desk. “Your people are frightened and vulnerable right now. They don’t want you to take action; they want you to tell them it’ll all be okay. We could use this! Tell them rebuilding the homes and properties that have been lost, and tending to the injured and traumatised

Knowing that choosing a ridiculous solution provided herein above may cause incalculable damage, irreparable harm and catastrophe together with heinous crimes and possible sacrifice and death to innocent people by choosing such ridiculous options, it is hereby decided after reading the debate, hearing arguments, reading reports and being otherwise advised of the matter at issue, the books have been checked to see about previous resolutions and the matter needing to addressed, it is the state's opinion that the matter be resolved as follows:

TO WIT:

1. Space warfare has become a more important part of our military and over-riding the politics of this planet is the highest priority. Although our territory covers entire cosmic superclusters, the primitive nature of [ EARTH ] and the constant battles over communications, resources and egos here, we were unable to activate our defense system and stop “Big Max” from hitting and now we must deal with the aftermath.

2. This legislation funds the rebuilding of the homes and properties that have been lost, and tending to the injured and traumatized.

3. The meteor is left where is it for scientific research. A museum and study facilities are hereby funded to be built around the disaster. Any homeowners and landowners are hereby granted new homes and land to provide for them and their families.
4. A warning is issued to all the leaders of [ EARTH ] that they will be held responsible for all the death and destruction caused by "Big Max" -

With nothing else to add, points earned for resolving an issue, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue GREAT BALLS OF FIRE being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised in all times and places to include the right to determine rights, intent and outcome regardless of whether or not these rights have ever been declared, exercised or utilized in the past, present or future..

CC: FORUM PUBLIC NOTICE OF POLICY AND ISSUE RESOLUTION

https://tinyurl.com/p5d3k7r8

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE AND ACTION

The following matter has come to issue:
New Satellite Blues

The Issue:

The DeerField Cove Aeronautics and Space Administration (DCASA) is currently reviewing proposals for a new flagship satellite project. Debates about the merits of each plan have become so intense that a recent fight resulted in thousands of Federal Reserve Notes in damage to pocket protectors, calculators, and glasses. Agency heads have therefore deferred to you to decide which project should be chosen.

The Debate:

“This isn’t rocket science!” states DCASA astronomer Norman Orbison, his bow tie still ruffed and his glasses askew from the recent funding fight. “DCASA needs to create wonder in the young and old alike, while also performing cutting-edge science. My proposed space telescope, Bubble, is the ideal tool for this. Think of what pictures it could take: supernovas in the process of erupting, crystal-clear images of nebulas on the shoulders of Orion, C-class stars glittering near Tannhäuser Galaxy. Without Bubble, all these moments will be lost, like tears in the rain.”

“I find my colleague’s position to be myopic and self-serving,” declares remote sensing specialist Tracy van Straaten, who is sporting a black eye “This isn’t rocket science!” states DCASA astronomer Norman Orbison, his bow tie still ruffed and his glasses askew torn suspenders. “Who cares what’s happening a million light-years away? Our real problems are much more local. Right now, man is causing rapid changes to the surface of our planet, endangering major ecosystems. The best way to understand these changes is from space. My proposed LANDSPOT satellite will be equipped with cutting-edge tools such as hyperspectral imaging and advanced LIDAR, giving us a whole new perspective on this little blue marble we call home.”

“Space may hold a terrible secret!” warns asteroid hunter Carrie Connery, while rubbing her knuckles. “Do you remember what happened to the dinosaurs? If we don’t want to share the same fate, then the first step is arming ourselves with knowledge. My proposed Guardian satellite is specially designed to find and track the orbits of all potentially dangerous near-Earth objects. If we find something, we’ll take the second step: arming ourselves against the asteroid by implementing my Star Battles missile shield project.”

“You think your average American on the street is going to care about any of those things?” asks the stylishly dressed CEO of Horizon Communications. “Doubtful. Now, tell them they’ll be able to load a WhoTube video from their phone a whole second faster and I promise you they’ll be interested. DCASA and Horizon must partner to create the most cutting-edge communications satellite the world has ever seen. The nation’s phone reception will be the envy of Osiris, Americans will love you for it, and I will finally be able to buy the yacht I deserve.”

“Don’t listen to their lies!” whispers a wild-eyed stranger, while sneaking past your security. “The entire DCASA is actually conducting a program to broadcast subliminal messages straight into citizens’ brains. I’ve been listening to their secret transmissions through my teeth fillings. They’re playing you for a sucker, I tell ya! You must remove all funding from DCASA and divert it to things that do demonstrable good, like mental health services. I hear there are people out there that really need help.”

The Resolution:

After listening to the debate and being otherwise advised by the state and intelligence with regard to the issue at hand without any further updates or opinions on the matter:

It is hereby resolved that:

1. DCASA and Norman Orbison gets budget for BUBBLE for deep space research. Paid public programing is provided and the budget must implement and encourage children and college course studies into astronomical research and exploration together with other vocational training that can ultimately benefit the citizens of our galaxy.

2. Tracy van Straaten and LAND SPOT gets budget for research and exploration of the earth's surface from space. Paid public programing is provided and the budget must implement and encourage children and college course studies into astronomical research and exploration together with other vocational training that can ultimately benefit the citizens of our galaxy.

3. Horizon communications is granted access to implement a commercial communication application for both projects. Horizon communications will pay fifty percent of the gross revenue recieved from the commercial communication application to subsidize the expenses of the programs. Should revenue fail to be recieved from horizon, the satellite programs and budget will revert back to our space program. Paid public programing is provided and the budget must implement and encourage children and college course studies into astronomical research and exploration together with other vocational training that can ultimately benefit the citizens of our galaxy.

4. Star Battles missile shield project gets a military defense budget. Both private security and military defense shall be installed to insure the safety and security of these programs. If they have to wear aluminum foil hats, so be it.

Unless there are better solutions or anyone else wants to interject, then this shall stand as the resolution of this matter as an issue that faces the great nations and leaders of Nationstates.net for the benefit of us all it is hereby;

Done and ordered without prejudice.

©DeerField Cove
©MADA DROL
Osiris

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
THE EVENING CHRONICLE

The following matter came to issue:


Guided missiles and misguided men:
State News:
The NEW Talking Point.
Article 2 Issue 12

The Issue:

After years of searching for the most wanted man in DeerField Cove, you are finally sitting in the war room, eyes glued to the images on the live video feed. It’s confirmed: the drone can see the infamous terrorist Sipho Evans... playing with his children. It seems like it will be impossible to take the shot without also killing the small children.

The Debate:

“Wait! We can’t hurt those little ones,” wails your aide, Theresa Malik, while clutching her face in horror. “I know that he’s a monster who has killed and will kill again, but are we really going to stoop down to his level? Those kids are innocent of any of the atrocities their father has committed. We must hold our fire and try to find another way that doesn’t have such a high risk of collateral damage.”

From the corner of the monitor, you can see a terrorist soldier spot the drone and begin to assemble a surface-to-air-missile launch platform. The operator turns around in his chair with a look of urgency. “Boss, we’re just about to lose the drone. It’s now or never! Authorise me to take the shot. If we let him go, it might take years for us to find him again - and who knows how many more children he might kill in the meantime? The inevitable loss of the little ones will be regrettable, but we need to take him out now!”

The Resolution:

After reading the debate, hearing arguments, reading reports and being otherwise advised of the matter at issue, it is the state's opinion that the matter be resolved as follows:

1. The operator is ordered to destroy the surface to air platform with the laser weapons installed on the drone. ONLY the platform is destroyed. The drone is saved without collateral damage.

2. The commotion at the platform causes the children's Nanny (who is one of our operatives) to collect the children and takes them inside.

3. Our agents who are in the ambulance nearby are called to action.

4. Drone fires the stun ray at the terrorist causing him to collapse. The Nanny calls 911.

5. The ambulance pulls into the compound with sirens blaring, collecting the terrorist and rescuing the Nanny (our operative).

6. After long interrogations of the supposed terrorist, we find out that the orders were coming from the Russian defense minister.

7. The minister is arrested for crimes against humanity and everyone lives to fight another day.

With nothing else to add or subtract, the state having the power and authority to resolve the issue, the issue being resolved with call to action clearly outlined, the resolution posted and delivered without objection:

It is hereby ordered and adjudged that this issue resolution be done and ordered for action and implementation without prejudice.
All rights reserved and exercised.

©Deerfield_cove
©Mada_drol
Osiris

"The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent"

LEGISLATION, POLICY AND OPINION
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE AND ACTION

The following matter has come to issue:

A Green Bill of Health
The NEW Talking Point:
State News Article 2 Issue 11

The Issue:

An outbreak of huanglongbing, a disease that causes citrus fruit to turn green and die, nearly wiped out all of DeerField Cove’s orange crop before it was contained. Investigators have determined that the outbreak originated from contaminated fruit brought by overseas travelers.

The Debate:

“We’re at code blood orange here,” reports Minister of Agriculture Sashona Doe from the ministry’s ‘citruation room’. “Our nation’s delicate ecosystem is constantly under threat from foreign diseases that can seriously harm our flora and fauna. Strict regulations must dictate which food products are allowed into DeerField Cove. If someone refuses to let customs officers confiscate prohibited items, they’ll have to make like a banana and split right back to where they came from.”

“A strategy like that sounds sensible, but our agriculture would still be susceptible to rot from within,” counters geneticist Anne-Marie Lee, who recently grew flies with eyes on their wings. “It takes only one breach for there to be another outbreak. The government should sponsor a large-scale gene editing program so that the next generation of crops and livestock won’t even blink at exotic diseases. While we’re at it, we can improve them in other ways as well. You know, I’ve always wanted to make a chicken glow in the dark.”

“Woah... dude, aren’t plants supposed to be green?” asks hippy herbalist Earl Schmidt, who imports the Sedji berry ‘superfood’. “Let’s encourage our plants and animals to build their natural immunity by exposing them to these diseases from abroad — just like a pox party. After all, it’s worked just fine in nature for millions of years and stuff.”

The Resolution

1. The state hereby issues subsidies to Orange farms and sets spot price on orange juice to avoid price gouging during the outbreak of huanglongbing.

2. An intergalactic memorandum and purchase order for additional citrus products is placed to avoid impact on citrus based products and public supply of oranges

3. Policy is set to stop all intercontinental and intergalactic flora or fauna from entry without first being put through customs inspection.

4. A new task force is implemented, trained to identify, remove and replace all infected citrus trees.

5. All infected citrus trees will immediately be replaced by healthy citris trees of similar nature. [*Similar nature: replace an orange tree with an orange tree] The replacement trees must be aged to a minimum of five years.

With nothing else to add or subtract, the state having the power and authority to resolve the issue, the issue being resolved with call to action clearly outlined, the resolution passed without objection:

It is hereby ordered and adjudged that this issue resolution be done and ordered for action and implementation without prejudice.
All rights reserved and exercised.

©Deerfield_cove
©Mada_drol
Osiris

"The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent"

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: LEGISLATION AND OPINION POSTED

The following matter has come to issue:

Wheels of Misfortune!
The NEW Talking Point:
State News Article 2 Issue 10

The Issue

In recent weeks, there has been growing concern over the quality of automobiles made in DeerField Cove. Representatives from all sides have gathered in your office and are asking you to make a decision.

The Debate:

“This is ridiculous!” cries Clara Cruise, chairperson of the Association of Scorned Shoppers, while frantically waving a stack of papers. “Some of these stories are just obscene! We’ve got water pumps seizing at 12,000 kilometers, airbags not deploying in accidents, and this one guy’s gas tank just fell off! I can’t make this stuff up! Our auto industry has gotten lazy and corrupt and is in desperate need of stronger regulation!”

“I’ve never heard such nonsense!” scoffs Herschel King, an executive representing the largest automaker in DeerField Cove. “Our cars are perfectly fine! These allegations are completely baseless. Thing is, these proposed regulations are going to make us uncompetitive. Is this what you want? Foreign cars clogging our streets while our factories close down? Get rid of some of the regulations we have now, so we can do our jobs! While you’re at it, a government subsidy would safeguard domestic auto manufacturing...”

“What is this? Subsidies? Deregulation? Lies, all of it!” shouts prominent communist Melania Rogers, sporting a practical yet stylish red beret. “These companies, they’re always willing to sell their ethics for a quick Federal Reserve Note! They always cut corners for a little extra profit, and look where it’s gotten us! You want to make good cars, cars the people can be proud of? Have the people take control of the offending car companies! If we remove the profit motive, DeerField Cove can finally produce quality vehicles, without wasteful bourgeois stuff like chrome wheels, air conditioning, and reclining seats!”

A wheelchair-bound man wearing a bicycle helmet on his head, plaster casts on his legs, and an irate expression on his face rolls himself into your office. “Hey, I got somethin’ to say,” he growls as he deliberately bumps into your desk. “You and your government have been playing nice with the car companies for far too long, and a lot of us cyclists are sick of it. I might have an axe to grind, but DeerField Cove and our environment’ll be better off if you just banned cars entirely. Who cares if people complain? They’ll adjust.”

The Resolution

After reading the debate, hearing arguments, reading reports and being otherwise advised of the matter at issue, same is resolved as follows;

1. The Communist Melania Rogers wins a FREE, all expense paid, expedition to the Sahara desert to find ancient artifacts with a team of female survivalist.

2. A public awareness campaign is publically aired to keep drivers alert and aware of bicyclists. The bicycle lane is slated for improvement and better visibility. The wheelchair bound complainant is assigned a private caretaker.

3. The Association of Scorned Shoppers is already under investigation for filing fraudulent lawsuits against toy manufacturers causing employees to lose their jobs under baseless allegations. An investigator is summoned to investigate the associations involvement with the staging of vehicle accidents and malfunctions on domestically manufactured vehicles to garner public support and membership.

4. Quality control inspection stations are hereby subsidized and ordered for installation in all domestic vehicle manufacturing facilities to maintain the highest level of quality from our galactic federation of auto manufacturing facilities.

5. Public service announcements and commercials to boost-sales and post sale confidence in our domestic auto manufacturing is ordered and submitted against the national budget.

With nothing else to add, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue being fully resolved, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice. All rights reserved and exercised.

©Deerfield_cove
©Mada_drol
Osiris

Tax rates reduced. See new tax rates maximum 37% for income of the highest nature. See Rates attached.

The following matter has come to issue:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
PUBLIC SERVICE CAMPAIGN

The Issue

While lounging on a curiously sticky bench in DC, you begin to notice that almost every passer-by seems to be mysteriously stuck to the pavement. Upon closer inspection, you realise that the ground is covered in chewing gum, which has in turn caused the unfortunate - and admittedly amusing - predicament that the pedestrians have now found themselves in. You are soon approached by a colorful mob of people, the majority of which are barely able to lift their own legs.

The Debate:

“Every time I go on a run, I always find at least one piece of gum on my shoe!” screeches Klaus Beckham, whilst furiously picking himself up off the ground. “I always end up stepping in the stuff, and it’s always a pain to get off. Gum is a health hazard, and it should be banned before anyone else finds themselves chewing the pavement! If somebody has a problem with that, then they can just find something else to gnaw on.”

“Don’t listen to that gum-hating buffoon,” exclaims the CEO of Suborbit Gum, Minté Breff, while chewing loudly. “Banning gum will cause a tremendous uproar of unnecessary proportions! Gum can help people study and concentrate, all whilst they taste our selection of great flavours; something that the government would surely support and even subsidise! You can have my gum when you pry it out of my cold, dead mouth.”

“Why not look for a different solution?” asks Robin Grieg, as she helps her son clean gum from his shoes. “How about we place more trashcans? Place a few here and there, fine anyone that doesn’t put their gum into them, and I guarantee that this problem will go away. All of this gum will give these trashcans a fresh and much more bearable smell!” She abruptly turns towards her son, who has now wandered away. “Stop smelling the bins!”

The Resolution:

After being made aware of the issue, listening to the debate, hearing recommendations and being otherwise advised of the matter at issue, it is hereby resolved that:

1. There were extra bins for dog poop overpopulating our parks to resolve another issue. These extra bins were put in storage and extra trees planted.

2. The extra bins that were put in storage are hereby removed from storage and repurposed for gum waste disposal.

3. Public health and services campaign launched advising the public about the new gum disposal bins as being clearly marked differently than the dog poop bins is made into a humorous public service campaign to eliminate the gum shoe problem plaguing the public.

Unless someone has a serious issue with this resolution or until a better opinion is made available, then this shall stand as policy to resolve the "The Sticky Situation".

On behalf of all nations plagued by this issues, please consider it fully resolved.

Done and ordered without prejudice. All rights reserved and exercised.

©Deerfield_cove
©Mada_drol
Osiris

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: LEGISLATION AND OPINION POSTED

The following matter has come to issue:

Your Stuff is Forfeit!
The NEW Talking Point:
State News Article 2 Issue 9

The Issue:

Property rights advocates and drug law reformers are up in arms this week. In the largest criminal asset forfeiture in DeerField Cove’s history, the immense mansion of prominent citizen Alvin Woofsdale was seized after his nephew was arrested for dealing drugs. With the property already at auction and the legislature twiddling its thumbs as usual, your chief of staff invited the loudest voices into your office to vent their opinions on the matter.

The Debate:

“Forfeiture is a barbaric, medieval practice whose time has come,” grumbles Woofsdale as he compulsively rubs his nose. “I had no idea what that little scamp was doing; heck, I wasn’t even in the country at the time! Yet the police can seize and sell off my whole house without even charging me with a crime, let alone convicting me! And ordinary folks are even worse off when it happens to them, who’s gonna help them get their homes back? It’s simply time to stop, if we believe in freedom, we must outlaw forfeiture!”

“If cops take a little money from drug dealers and their associates, I ain’t seeing no problems with it,” bluntly states the trench coat clad Kumar Small, who has a prominent scar on his face. “I may have even made a few Federal Reserve Notes myself doing something similar. All in the game, right? Y’all oughta make it easier for cops to take drug dealers’ stuff, that way police will be able to keep policing and drug dealers won’t be able to afford to stay in business, all on the cheap for tax payers.”

“Shoooooooot!” exclaims Mud Davidson, the Member of Parliament representing the district where the incident took place. He also happens to have successfully defended himself from four separate allegations of ethics violations. “We can’t afford to drop asset forfeiture, especially with tax receipts so low this year. But the police have too much incentive to use forfeiture, there needs to be oversight. I would like to head a new Investigatory and Oversight Committee that would make sure the forfeiture does what it’s supposed to do and the government gets its cheques... uh, keep this in check.”

The Resolution

After reading the debate, hearing arguments, reading reports and being otherwise advised of the matter at issue, it is the state's opinion that the matter be resolved as follows;

1. The auction of Alvin Woofsdale's estate and assets is hereby ordered to be abandoned and returned to Alvin Woofsdale. Any claim on the estate and assets of Alvin Woofsdale previously claimed by the sheriff's office is here by declared null and void. All ceased assets of Alvin Woofsdale shall be returned post haste.

2. Forfeiture of assets is only a viable option used to remove the perks and incentives of criminal activity. Whereas Alvin Woofsdale's estates and assets have all been acquired legitimately thereby negating any claim of possession by forfeiture due to suspicion of acquisition by criminal activity.

3. In this instance, the sheriff's department may only claim possession of the actual evidence required to press charges for the violation of the codes and statues for which they seek remuneration.

4. All officers involved in this debacle are hereby suspended pending an investigation into this matter.

5. In recognition of Alvin Woofsdale's contribution to our community and federation, the state hereby suspends property tax for two years as an act of good will.

With nothing else to add, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue being fully resolved, without any objections, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice. All rights reserved and exercised.

©Deerfield_cove
©Mada_drol
Osiris

"The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent"

The NEW Talking Point:

State of News: Article 2 Issue 2

PRESS RELEASE: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

deerfield_cove
mada_drol

The following matter came to issue:

The Issue:

A young foreign exchange student was arrested in her language course a couple days ago when she accidentally said, “My friends and I are game for a shooting; we just need to figure out how to signal,” instead of, “My friends and I want to make a shooter game; we just need to learn how to code.” She was labeled a threat and is now facing deportation.

The Debate:

“She is already failing my class,” says the girl’s instructor. “Why should she stay if she can’t communicate effectively? We ought to give everyone who enters the country a test that proves they can communicate with us! If they can’t get every question correct they should be forced to leave.”

The girl, now able to explain herself with the help of a police-appointed interpreter, says, “I apologize if I frightened anyone, as that was not my intention. I only wanted to share my interest in video games instead of repeating simple sentences about apples and cats. This never would have happened in the first place if your language wasn’t so confusing! Why not simplify it and cut down on the amount of words so that it’s easier for everyone to learn?”

“The real issue we should be talking about is the ham-fisted way this was handled by law-enforcement,” says the officer who was called to apprehend the girl. “I knew she wasn’t a threat, but I had orders! Individual police officers should be given more autonomy to decide how we do our jobs.”

The Resolution:

After listening to the debate and needing to Resolve this issue the following is my opinion:

1. The officers are commended on their protecting our great state, recommendation for promotion to immigration desk job.

2. The foreign exchange student is allowed to continue school, with lunch paid per day.

3. The state will subsidize computer coding class for the foreigner so she can be a shining example of what our education department can achieve.

4. The language instructor is put on probation until the exchange student can communicate better.

Unless someone has a better proposal or proposition to Resolve this matter, then same is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

For centuries our nation state has been mistranslated and misinterpreted about owning business and being wealthy.

The front page continues to report that the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

This fact has always been misinterpreted. Our state and nation have always strived to improve itself while remaining aware of our humble beginnings.

We believe in our higher power and connectivity yet still improve ourselves regularly with education and training with research into healthcare, environmental research, oceanic research and study as well as being available to assist those who have fallen on hard times.

We believe our combined effort to improve the life and responsibility of the people to come together for causes is extremely important part of our culture and our lives.

The wealthy and those who own businesses are an encouraging way to inspire youth to participation.

Investigation into parents using children as a tool to commit crimes is also investigated.

The following matter has been brought to issue: A SALT AND BATTERY

Electric cars have vastly reduced air pollution in DeerField Cove. However, this has accompanied a surge in demand for lithium, a scarce element primarily obtained through heavy mining. As lithium salts are a critical component in electric vehicle batteries, your advisers fear a shortage could cripple electric car manufacturers and the DeerField Covean lifestyle.

The following resolutions were offered:

“Without additional lithium, there could be a lot more horse-drawn carts on the roads, or even worse, gas guzzlers!” exclaims resource analyst Mercutio Skywalker. “But don’t worry, DeerField Cove has plenty of untapped lithium deposits! The biggest ones just, uh, happen to be located in pristine nature reserves. Anyway, not using our own natural resources would make us dumber than a box of rocks. Give the mining industry the go-ahead to expand lithium extraction operations; it’ll keep our cars cheap and skies beautiful.”

“Doesn’t mining defeat the purpose of electric cars?” asks trade official Siko Biscuitbarrel while eating from a lunchbox that is clearly labeled ‘Property of the Maxtopian Embassy’. “Rather than destroy our own environment, let somebody else destroy theirs. Dump lithium extraction in DeerField Cove, and instead rely on cheap imports from dirt-poor countries like Kawandaland. There’d hardly be any downsides. Well, I mean, the mining sector obviously wouldn’t like it, we might shed a job or two, and there could be supply disruptions whenever Kawandaland goes through a coup, but electric car manufacturers will be jumping for joy!”

“Lithium-ion batteries power tons of often-tossed electronics,” yaps Boca Raton-area sanitation director Athena Hackett, who is wearing a T-shirt with the slogan ‘Garbage In, Treasure Out’. “We can reuse that lithium if we expand recycling infrastructure to accommodate the extra rubbish. Now look, this garbage idea has a catch — lithium recycling can’t beat mining in terms of output — so there’d be less of the stuff to go around. However, if we reduced lithium demand by hiking taxes on automobiles and electronics while also encouraging use of mass transit, we’d be able to make it work.”

The following final decision and resolution is hereby exercised and made law:

TO WIT:

1. Our nation will purchase lithium at reduced prices from Kawandaland and hold reserves in the event of a coup in Kawandaland.
2. Our nation will design and develop a lithium-ion battery recycling facility to test and perfect lithium battery recycling.
3. Our nation will take due care to mine our known lithium deposits without damaging our nature reserves.
4. The state department shall also assign geologists to search for additional deposits that can be mined in the future.

With nothing else to add, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue being fully resolved, without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice. All rights reserved and exercised.

©Deerfield_cove

The following matter has been brought to issue: BOMBSHELL FOR LEADER

Your re-election campaign has been thrust into the headlines due to adult film star Catherine Gratwick announcing her full-throated support. She has since hooked up with your campaign manager to offer her services on the campaign trail.

The State Department Brought Forth the Follows Solutions to the matter at ISSUE:

“That’s a great ass... uh, asset!” assesses your brother, fingering through an assortment of Gratwick’s films. “You should flaunt the association all over the place and assert your dominance over the competition! Ask for her assistance at every assembly. The moralists may assail you for it, but rest assured, you don’t need their assent to get over the hump. Tell them to shove off and assimilate into the modern world.”

“Screw her!” shouts your self-appointed morals counselor, Prue Dish, confiscating your brother’s movies while he is busy cheering. “Gratwick is a disgusting, disgraceful deviant! Those are the triple Ds of her profession. You can’t possibly get into bed with people like her! Listen to Prudence: denounce her. Reassure the public that you’ve never even heard of those demeaning films — you haven’t, have you — and send demure surrogates to represent you. That prim actress who’s been in the soap Hard Days on Easy Street for fifty years just loves you.”

“She’s a good one, but you should always play it safe and see how it works,” suggests your campaign manager, Dawang Dumas, who seems to carry an infinite supply of latex. “Don’t say anything about Gratwick’s endorsement. If it’s mentioned, obfuscate; maybe bring up that obscure novelist who wrote you that intimate letter. Then, send her as a surrogate to events where it might be useful. It’s all about saying the right things to the right people, you know.”

“Get on with it,” moans Joe Little, a volunteer for your campaign who entered the room unsolicited. “Catherine Gratwick? She’s just some dumb actress. Why should her support mean more than anyone else’s? Sure, lots of people know all about her, but don’t our votes count equally? How about you celebrate the average Joes you couldn’t do it without; maybe invite us to speak at events? It’s us who win the elections, not the latest blonde or brunette actress in bad churned-out movies.”


The following final decision is hereby made into legislation with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

Catherine Gratwick will be openly thanked for her campaign support together with a group of our other valiant and loyal supporters together with the Rabbi, Pastor, Father and Pope, all of whom preach forgiveness and love for one another.
Joe Little will be put in charge of preparing a platform for “average Joe’s” to setup speaking engagements on popular subjects to prove we care for the common good of the people. Every vote counts!

With nothing else to add, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue BOMBSHELL FOR LEADER being fully resolved, points assessed for resolving an issue and legislation passed without any objections duly noted, points are applied as a resolved issue and this final judgement of resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

The following matter has been brought to issue: GAY MEN HELD BY POLICE

DeerField Covean tourists Luke O and Damien Ungar were recently on a romantic city break in the capital of Sacerdia, and like many other couples made a point of kissing by moonlight on the world-famous Lovers’ Bridge. Unfortunately for them, homosexuality is a crime in Sacerdia, and they were arrested.

At a meeting of The State Department: A Priest and General from Sacerdia, Local Consulate Officer and Foreign Diplomat has Brought Forth the following options to the matter at ISSUE:

“Luke and Damien perhaps could have been more circumspect, but they’re DeerField Covean citizens who have committed no crime under our laws,” observes DeerField Covean Consulate Officer Paul Myfinger. “We have a moral obligation to negotiate their release. I suggest we could make a couple of trade concessions, favouring Sacerdian woolen goods with selective tariffs on competitor nations, for example. In return, our out-of-the-closet citizens can be gotten out of hot water. I’m also confident we can establish procedures to send home any future Friends and Neighbors arrested there. Everybody wins.”

Reverend Indy Nile is both a priest and a general in the Sacerdian Holy Army, and he has a counter-proposal. “Gayness is against the will of the Lord our God. We will give you back these transgressors, but you must recognise the holy truth that homosexuality is a grave sin. Ban batty-boy loving in DeerField Cove, and we’ll extradite these criminals to your jurisdiction. Let us move forward together, in faith.” He gazes up adoringly at a semi-naked statuary depiction of his deity.

“We have to be balanced about this, I’m afraid,” offers Foreign Office diplomat Hyde Yorlove. “Out of respect for judicial sovereignty we must leave the couple to the mercy of the Sacerdian justice system. To stop this happening again, maybe we can set up a bureau to issue guidance and travel advice for gay holiday-makers.”

“RAAAAAAAAAARGH!” bellows perpetually angry gay activist Neil Foreman, tipping your desk over in a rage. “I am Gay Man! Hear me roar! My leader, we cannot negotiate with filthy homophobes and bigoted scum! Send the army in, and rescue my proud brethren, then bomb Sacerdia till they agree to repeal their homophobic laws. We’ll give these blighters cold hard steel... cause they don’t like it up ‘em, you know!”

Knowing that the choice of any of the options provided will create potential blowback and negative results, The State hereby provides the following decision that is hereby ordered into legislation with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. Reverend Indy Nile, a priest and a general in the Sacerdian Holy Army will be apprehended immediately and placed under protective custody at an undisclosed Luxury Location until our citizens are safely returned.
2. IMMEDIATE negotiations for the release and settlement of fines caused by our citizens Luke O and Damien Ungar innocent violation of codes and statutes of Sacerdia are made and implemented.
3. IMMEDIATE Transportation and protection is sent to protect our citizens without triggering “An Act of War” - and Reverend Indy Nile is released from protective custody as our citizens are returned home without further incident.
4. National PRESS RELEASES and EDUCATION for our citizens traveling to Sacerdian in the future will be made aware of customs and laws will be implemented to avoid similar situations in the future.

With nothing else to add, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue GAY MEN HELD BY POLICE being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

The following matter has been brought to issue: TEST ENVIRONMENT

Gigantic data centers are cropping up all across DeerField Cove. While they are essential to meet the snowballing demand for data processing underpinning most aspects of modern life, there are concerns about how their need for efficient cooling devices affects local communities. While out sauntering around the countryside in rural DeerField Cove, you meet an electrical engineer with a fishing rod and an old farmer with sad eyes. You find them bickering with a data center representative about the fact that the usually unruffled Cat Or Dog Or Eagle Or Reptile Lake is now just one-third the size of what it used to be, due to it being used to cool nearby data centers.

The DEBATE on this ISSUE:

“I’m telling you, Two-Phase Immersion Cooling would solve everyone’s problems,” asserts the engineer, while kicking up dust from the dried-out banks of the lake and rattling his tackle box in frustration. “It’s a new type of technology that uses dielectric heat transfer liquid instead of water. It could still be improved upon, sure, but with a little government funding, or rather a great deal of funding, you can have it installed everywhere in no time. Well, maybe some time. Just hurry up, all my favorite fishing spots are shriveling!”

“Don’t fall for his bait,” smiles Jessica Primrose Bézeaux, the energetic owner of many of the nearby facilities, who carries a pair of giant scissors to cut the ceremonial ribbon at yet another data center down the road. “Using water for cooling is the industrial standard, it works, and it is much cheaper! Leave us alone, and I promise we’ll get some guys to look at utilizing the water more efficiently, and maybe throw a few USD or Equivalents towards local conservation and replenishment projects.”

“Those fancy computer houses are killing my crops,” remarks the old farmer, his pitchfork a bit too close for comfort. “I say you make them city folks take these ugly buildings down. Then maybe I can get a decent harvest of potatoes again.” He hands you a bag of homemade chips, which are not of the micro kind, much to your dismay.

The following final decision is hereby made LAW with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. Funding, Research and Implementation of Two-Phase Immersion Cooling systems is hereby commissioned for IMMEDIATE implementation.
2. Funding, Research and Implementation of conservation and replenishment projects is hereby commissioned. The first tax to implement this act is placed on Jessica Primrose Bézeaux and her data centers.
3. Installation of orgone devices are hereby commissioned for immediate placement and installation in and around the lakes.

With nothing else to add, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue TEST ENVIRONMENT being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby accepted as law and it’s registration is hereby done and ordered without prejudice and shall remain LAW unless and until a new, better or more efficient and effect solution is presented.

Points earned for issue resolution.

All rights reserved and exercised.

The following matter has been brought to issue: OUTSIDE THE BOX

Heavyweight boxer Theresa Hanover faced a lot of criticism when — during a press conference before a title fight — she yelled at her opponent that she was planning to “smash in your skull, bash your brain pan, and send you to the morgue”. This prediction proved to be true, with a punch to the temple fracturing her opponent’s skull, killing her. Now people are asking if the boxer should be held to account for her words and actions.
The DEBATE on this ISSUE:

“That was just trash talk!” yells the boxer, punching the wall angrily. “It’s not like I actually wanted to kill her. You can’t hold an athlete accountable for what happens in a sporting arena. Write that down. Make it a law.” She waves a fist at you for emphasis.


“We all heard the threats, then watched the murder happen!” weeps Ariel O, mother to the deceased boxer. “This was a premeditated act, a killer punch aimed in a way that she knew would be lethal! The law needs to recognise that threats are threats and crime is crime, no matter the sporting context.”


“Why is it so surprising that when pitting psychos against each other, death happens?” asks action movie actor Noddy Ungar, brushing foundation onto his cheeks. “Look, what you should do is ban boxing and other combat sports. If people want to see exciting fight action, they can watch me — or my team of carefully trained stunt doubles — simulate fighting on the silver screen. It’s called acting, darling, and it’s what we civilised sorts prefer.”
The following final decision is hereby made into legislation with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. There is an inherent danger in the sport of boxing. Threats are part and parcel of advertising and marketing.
2. Based on the rules of boxing, ref and the video, the match was played by the book.
2(a) Intent and consent. The boxing participants are both AGREEING to get HIT and the CONSENT was given by both boxers with the result of death being a possibility.
3. The death is terribly unfortunate, deemed reasonable in the type, breadth and situation, any petitions for relief may be filed as necessary in the matter of the boxer's death if any "undiscovered" foul play is brought to issue in the future with regard to this matter.
4. This decision extends form Donague V Stephenson 1933 and subsequent cases to do with negligence. In short: Boxers volunteer to get in the ring and to be punched. They do not volunteer to be punched after the bell or hit with the corner stool. They also accept that they could die from a punch. As long as the punch was lawful there is no action against the other boxer.

With nothing else to add, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue OUTSIDE THE BOX being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby accepted as law and it’s registration is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

The following matter has been brought to issue: A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S SNOOZE-FEST

As legions of interns scramble to set up a stage in your office, your Minister of Theatrics dramatically announces that his Ministry has organized a play for you. The play purportedly tells a tragic story: the public apathy toward the long-dead but highly-influential DeerField Covean playwright Bill Wakesword.

The impossible resolutions by the State Department were made as follows:

“I doth be the poet himself!” Minister Porklet announces, wearing purple robes and a long wig. “Once upon a merry time, my plays amazed those large and small. Now, there’s only one way to ensure DeerField Cove remains in my thrall. Force my works upon the children, make them read it all! It may be true that the language doth be a few centuries old, but what is in a word? That which we call a Woodeating Spikeball by any other name would be just as Woodeating.”

An intern apparently playing the part of ‘unenthusiastic teenager’ pokes the Minister with a smartphone, causing him to crumble to the floor in mock agony. The intern robotically states, “Alas. Poor Wakesword. I knew him well. I would have surely been willing to get interested in Wakesword if his word choice was easier. If only we could rework Wakesword so that it appealed to me, a disaffected teenager, and my social media habits.”

“All the world’s a stage, Leader, and it doth be time we saw some plays!” announces overconfident actor Rick Rear, dressed in a donkey costume and accidentally stepping on the ‘dead’ Minister. “As I, one of the greatest actors of all time, should know-eth, the best way to spread the brilliance of Wakesword is to fund school drama clubs and ye olde outdoor theatre! If we can coerce these apathetic adolescents, these indifferent infants, these bored brats to act, they will surely see the value of true literature.”

Ka-boom! The wall of your office suddenly explodes, spewing fire and smoke everywhere. As the smoke clears, explosives enthusiast and the director of TransMorphers and Adolescent Monster Samurai Frogs, Michel Cove, strolls in, a second explosion obliterating the Minister’s stage. “This ‘Wakesword’ guy? Heh. His plays are older than my exes. What you need, my friend, are explosion-packed science fiction movies in the curriculum that will leave kids drooling over science and computers! The future is where the money is. The past? Who cares?” Another one of your walls explodes and he grins manically as your office burns around him.

The final decision is hereby made into legislation with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. A new theatrical college with scholarships is hereby commissioned for IMMEDIATE construction.
2. A new amphitheater together and an accompanying museum for historic theatre is hereby commissioned for IMMEDIATE construction.
3. An IMAX 3D complex together with science fiction meets science future museum and research and development buildings are hereby commissioned for IMMEDIATE construction.

With nothing else to add, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S SNOOZE-FEST being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

The following matter has been brought to issue: Don’t Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers

There is a growing call within DeerField Cove to abolish smoking in public areas.

The impossible resolutions by the following debate have been stated and provided as follows:

1. “I’m in full support of this motion,” says man on the street Lucas LeChiffre. “I’m sick of being stuck behind smokers, sucking in their pollution! They can light up in the privacy of their own homes, if they want.”

2. “What’s so special about their homes?” says anti-smoking campaigner Hermione Savage. “The government has a responsibility to stop people from hurting themselves — it’s the same reason we should make them wear seat belts in cars. Sooner or later, they end up in one of DeerField Cove’s hospitals, sucking on taxpayer-funded healthcare. Not that that’s why we should ban smoking. We should ban it because we care.”

3. “Get your hands off my fag!” wheezes long-time smoker Marlon Assange. “I’ve been smoking for fifty years and it’s never done me any harm. Helps me concentrate, it does! The government should back off on trying to tell me what I can put into my own body. Telling a smoker he can’t light up in a restaurant is discrimination, pure and simple. If you want to put a stop to unfairness, stop that.”

Knowing that choosing a solution provided herein above may cause incalculable damage, irreparable harm and possible catastrophe, this Office being advised of the matter at issue, the books have been checked to see about previous resolutions and the matter needing to addressed, this motion for resolution is hereby made into legislation with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. Smoking is banned within 100 feet of the entrance to any public building.

With nothing else to add, points earned for resolving an issue, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue Don’t Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

The following matter has been brought to issue: The Problem With Peyote

The Pangaoaoangans, an indigenous native tribe of DeerField Cove, have been using the illegal hallucinogen peyote in their religious ceremonies.

The impossible resolutions by the following debate have been stated and provided as follows:

“Drugs are bad, mmkay,” says Jennifer Emkay, holding a sign that says the same thing. “I love the Pangaoaoangans, but the peyote thing is a problem. Drugs ruin lives. All drugs, mmkay? They should swap something else in. Instead of peyote they could use, say, potato. Sounds almost the same, and doesn’t hurt anyone.”

Chief Hoogahooga, leader of the Pangaoaoangan tribe, takes a long draught of her peace pipe before speaking with you. “Lo, don’t you want to allow the people living in your country to practice their religion freely? We do no harm, and peyote is not addictive. Peyote brings sacred visions that guide my people, and it is impossible to practice my religion and heed the words of the spirits without this all-natural, all-herbal, plant-based substance. Please, Leader, allow a special exception for drug use when part of traditional faith ceremonies.”

“Peyote comes from cactuses, right? If we get rid of the cactuses, then no more problem!” suggests your Minister of Babies and Bathwater, sparking a furious debate amongst your aides regarding the correct pluralisation of cactus. “There’s a whole bunch of fungal diseases and mealybugs that we can seed across the deserts and mountains — the problem will soon be gone.”

Knowing that choosing a solution provided herein above may cause incalculable damage, irreparable harm and possible catastrophe together with heinous crimes and possible sacrifice and death to innocent people by choosing such ridiculous options, this Office being advised of the matter at issue, the books have been checked to see about previous resolutions and the matter needing to addressed, this motion for resolution is hereby made into legislation and law with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

The Pangaoaoangans, an indigenous native tribe of DeerField Cove, may continue the use of peyote in their religious ceremonies.

With nothing else to add, points earned for resolving an issue, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue The Problem With Peyote being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

The following matter has been brought to issue: Shock Tactics

The DeerField Covean Resuscitation Council has noted that every year a vast number of preventable deaths occur because of lack of access to public AEDs (automated external defibrillators) and a dearth of competent first aiders able to use them.

The impossible resolutions by the following debate have been stated and provided as follows:

“Put an AED in every bus stop, every train station, every supermarket and next to every ATM. Make first aid training mandatory in the later school years, then make people refresh their skills every ten years,” directs Dr. Marius Swift of the Resuscitation Council, sipping his double-cream double-shot cappuccino. “Nations with poor access to AEDs have cardiac arrest survival rates of one in twenty. In nations with good access and training, three out of four patients will live. That’s got to be worth a little investment, right?”

“That sounds overly complex and expensive, a bit like the good doctor’s premium beverage,” argues dietitian Iris Carr. “Personally, I like my health policies like I like my coffee: cheap and fast. Or was that how I like my men? I forget... Anyway, public health promotion is a smarter option. Prevention is better than cure. Restrict salty and fatty foods, and encourage healthy eating. That’ll hit the spot really efficiently. Like a good coffee. Or a good man.”

“Health spending is a black hole,” moans tired-looking health economist Anne-Marie Howard, sipping at a plastic cup of nasty-smelling instant coffee. “If you help people live longer you just get older people with even more expensive and complicated medical problems. A good heart attack stops the oldies from being a burden on the economy. We ought to slash healthcare funding, and instead subsidise industries high in profit and saturated fat, then head out for an ice cream smoothie. Life’s too short! Or rather it isn’t, and that’s the problem.”


Knowing that choosing a solution provided herein above may cause incalculable damage, irreparable harm and catastrophe together with heinous crimes and possible sacrifice and death to innocent people by choosing such ridiculous options, this Office being advised of the matter at issue, the books have been checked to see about previous resolutions and the matter needing to addressed, this motion for resolution is hereby made into legislation and law with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. Dr Marius Swift of the Resuscitation Council is made personally responsible to institute a first aid training curriculum for middle school, high school and college degree courses. Budgets are issued to ensure the ability to fund task is made available.
2. Health Economist Anne-Marie Howard is tasked to enforce a health advisory requirement on industries that are high in profit from saturated fat ingredients. Budgets are issued to ensure the ability to fund task is made available.
3. Dietitian Iris Carr is tasked with instituting a national GUIDE TO HEALTHY LIVING. Budgets are issued to ensure the ability to fund task is made available.

With nothing else to add, points earned for resolving an issue, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue Shock Tactics being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

CC: FORUM PUBLIC NOTICE

https://tinyurl.com/p5d3k7r8

The following matter has been brought to issue: Down the Rabbit Hole



After numerous cases of brief delirium were reported in the countryside, local scientists and health officials have narrowed down the potential causes to a hallucinogenic toxin produced by a microbe that normally incubates within rabbits. Apparently, the close contact rural farmers had with tainted rabbit excrement resulted in their delusions. In response, several apoplectic and assertive citizens have accosted you while on your morning stroll to deal with the issue.

The impossible resolutions by the following debate have been stated and provided as follows:

“This is ridiculous,” shouts avid home gardener Alice Cheshire. “I can’t even tend my own flower beds without falling into a psychedelic trance! If I hallucinate one more rabbit wearing a waistcoat and a pocket watch, I’m gonna lose it. We must eradicate this menace, even if it means killing all the rabbits in DeerField Cove! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa... Let’s not be too hasty here,” interjects microbiologist and pharmaceutical spokeswoman Anita Plaseebeau. “This rabbit colon-based microbe gives us a rare and profitable opportunity to further both our understanding of biology and medicine. Throw a little funding our way, and we can trap some live specimens, analyze the microbe up close, and get all of DeerField Cove hooked on it by Sunday.”

“You all keep missing the point! These aren’t just hallucinations caused by poop, they’re gifts from the Great Rabbit Goddess!” asserts escaped mental patient and neopagan Sybil Cat Or Dog Or Eagle Or Reptile-McGee wearing her ceremonial rabbit-patterned robe and bunny slippers. “Through consuming the rabbits’ sacred defecation, we are blessed with miraculous visions of the future! Heed my prophecies, and I’ll get DeerField Cove on the right path in no time.” After swallowing a handful of rabbit droppings, she twitches awkwardly on the ground while sputtering ill-fated prognostications.

Knowing that choosing a solution provided herein above may cause incalculable damage, irreparable harm and catastrophe together with heinous crimes and possible sacrifice and death to innocent people by choosing such ridiculous options, this Office being advised of the matter at issue, the books have been checked to see about previous resolutions and the matter needing to addressed, this motion for resolution is hereby made into legislation and law with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. Avid home gardener Alice Cheshire is tasked with trapping Rabbits and given bio-hazard suits to keep from being infected. Budgets are issued to ensure the ability to fund task is made available.

2. Microbiologist and pharmaceutical spokeswoman Anita Plaseebeau is tasked with creating an anti-allergen to the microbe causing hallucination. Budgets are issued to ensure the ability to fund task is made available.

3. Escaped mental patient and neopagan Sybil Cat Or Dog Or Eagle Or Reptile-McGee is given the anti-allergen to relieve her of the rabbit poop hallucinations and she returns to her family and lives happily ever after.

With nothing else to add, points earned for resolving an issue, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue Down the Rabbit Hole being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

CC: FORUM PUBLIC NOTICE

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The following matter has been brought to issue: O Fortuna!

JACKPOT! It seemed impossible, it seemed unlikely, it seemed as if the odds would not favour you. Yet you, Leader, are the lucky winner of a major cash prize from last night’s national lottery, thanks to that lottery ticket your mother had gifted you for Maxxmas. Yet before you can even celebrate, you realize that your good fortune has made national headlines.

The impossible resolutions by the following debate have been stated and provided as follows:

1. “Leader Wins Lottery: A Directed Stroke of Luck?” quotes Lottery Commissioner Ellie Parker, reading a newspaper headline with a heavy sigh. “The optics of this are just too damning. We’re being absolutely overwhelmed with angry and accusatory complaints from every imaginable corner! Some of our employees have even been followed home by mobs carrying literal torches and pitchforks! Who even does that these days? I’m sorry, Leader, but you’ll have to let us declare this drawing void so that we can pick a new winning ticket. And from now on, government officials shouldn’t be allowed to buy lottery tickets.”


2. “No, no, just wait a second,” says your Chief of Staff, polishing up the mirror that reflects your image. “The optics are bad, but we can turn this into a significant popularity boost. Accept the prize with all due honours and fanfare, but declare that the entire sum will be donated to charity. The Wagger Dog Shelter, the Bryce Waine Orphanage, or heck, even the Out of Luck Gambler’s Rehab Centre — take your pick! Just practice smiling through pain, and relinquishing your grip on the cheque beforehand. And hey, I’m pretty sure charitable contributions are tax deductible, which means that you could still profit if you were willing to engage in a little creative accountancy.”


3. “Did mommy dear put your name on the lottery ticket? No? Good!” exclaims your brother while unceremoniously snatching the fortuitous piece of paper from your hand. “Just say that the ticket was mine, and all you’ll have to deal with is a few angry stares for a while. You’ve dealt with worse! This way, our family will be happy, all thanks to the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42. But don’t worry, if you ever lose your office, your dear, old brother will take care of you...”


4. One of your aides tackles your brother, liberating your luck from his grip. “Why not just do what any other Friends and Neighbors would do?” she asks with a sincere smile, handing you the slightly battered ticket. “Celebrate! Be happy! Go wild! I’ve seen you working day-in and day-out for the good of the people. This is your reward — go collect the prize, and start living the high life!”

Knowing that choosing a solution provided herein above may cause incalculable damage, irreparable harm and catastrophe together with heinous crimes and possible sacrifice and death to innocent people by choosing such ridiculous options, this Office being advised of the matter at issue, the books have been checked to see about previous resolutions and the matter needing to addressed, this motion for resolution is hereby made into legislation and law with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. The Winning Lotto Ticket is assigned to a separate Trust and Foundation to which I am the beneficiary. The Foundation donates 50% of the net proceeds of its profit from investments back to the people of Deerfield Cove.


With nothing else to add, points earned for resolving an issue, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue O Fortuna! being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

CC: FORUM PUBLIC NOTICE

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SITHS Attempt to drain the water off of planets like [Earth] HAVE BEEN STOPPED. [EARTH] AND PLANETS LIKE [EARTH] ARE NOW DEFENDED AGAINST THE SITH ORDER.

A secret military force sent in from all sectors of the Cosmic Supercluster of Deerfield Cove have joined forces to stop, reverse and renew planets like [EARTH] from the attacks made by the SITH ORDER to consume resources like water and life from planets like [EARTH].

Droughts, pestilence and famine are now just a faint memory of the past.

* * *

CC: PUBLIC NOTICE and PRESS RELEASE

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The European Southern Observatory (ESO) has shared an image of Saturn which was photographed in a remarkable view that NASA’s Voyager probes failed to capture.

According to ESO, the image above was taken using the Very Large Telescope (VLT) back in 2001 from a vantage point that was not possible during the Voyager encounter in 1982.

Images available on website:

https://tinyurl.com/2p9nk2xw

The following matter has been brought to issue: SANDBAGGING

A small island has vanished into the sea, farmland was flooded when a river burst its banks, and whole villages have been near-submerged by rising waters. The reason for these floods? Sand mining: billions of tonnes of sand and gravel extracted from rivers, lakes and coastlines.

The impossible resolutions by the following debate have been stated and provided as follows:

1. “We can’t stop the modernisation of DeerField Cove,” states Matthew Mountsermon, your Minister of Residential Construction on Aggregates. “These materials are the literal foundation of our economy! If you want buildings and infrastructure, you need sand! Glass, computer chips... sand! Did you know it takes 30,000 tonnes of sand to build just one kilometre of a motorway? Avoiding flooding just takes a little planning, and maybe some concrete barriers. Nothing should hinder the development of DeerField Cove!”

2. “Our addiction to sand is staggering,” declares Charlotte Song, your Environment Minister, as she tries to prove how easy it is to reuse everyday objects by cleaning her fingernails with a paper clip. “At first they extracted it from quarries, but when those ran out, they took sand from beaches, then islands, now they’re dredging the seabed. The construction industry needs to be stopped in its tracks. Who needs that much concrete anyway?”

3. “I’ve got an alternative,” muses passing manual labourer Hector Bourdain, hefting a heavy iron mallet. “Need more sand and gravel? We can make it. Just smash up rocks from hills and mountains. Bash ‘em into pieces! Hammers! Bombs! Giant stompy robots! Wheeeee!” He demonstrates by smashing a marble bust of your predecessor.

4. “You know where there’s a lot of sand? The desert!” exclaims Marleen Harishchandra, one of your science advisers, as she stretches some kind of Day-Glo gunk. “True, desert sand is too fine and we haven’t found a way to bond it together yet, but I’m sure if we give it a go, and give it lots of determination and government funding... Yes, we’ll find a way!”

Knowing that choosing a solution provided herein above may cause incalculable damage, irreparable harm and catastrophe together with heinous crimes and possible sacrifice and death to innocent people by choosing such ridiculous options, this Office being advised of the matter at issue, the books have been checked to see about previous resolutions and the matter needing to addressed, this motion for resolution is hereby made into legislation and law with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

1. Matthew Mountsermon, your Minister of Residential Construction on Aggregates is charged with hiring a professional crew to install the necessary concrete barriers and oversee the research, testing and installation of a new barrier reef to protect the erosion of our beaches as well as finding alternative solutions to using so much sand on roadways to include barycentric devices that can be used to produce hovering vehicles. Since beaches are one of our biggest tourist attractions. Budgets are approved and issued to make resources available.

2. Charlotte Song, your Environment Minister is charged with the task of creating a recycling system that can grind all the glass bottles into sand for both cement and beach loss reclamation as well as establishing a state owned import company that provides volcanic ash to cement manufacturers. Ms Song is also tasked with coordinating and hiring the geological survey to find pozzolanas deposits throughout Deerfield Cove to use as an alternative to sand for cement purposes. Budgets are approved and issued to make resources available.

3. Marleen Harishchandra is charged with the task of researching and developing cement variations from pozzolan, volcanic ash, ground glass, desert sand and limestone for construction purposes. Marleen is also charged to assist Matthew Mountsermon to develop hovering vehicles. Budgets are approved and issued to make resources available

4. Hector Bourdain and his entire construction crew is charged and tasked with mining the pozzolan deposits found by our Environment Minister and the geological survey. Budgets approved and issued to make resources available.

With nothing else to add, points earned for resolving an issue, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue SANDBAGGING being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution and budgets required to impliment the resolution solution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

CC: FORUM PUBLIC NOTICE OF POLICY AND ISSUE RESOLUTION

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The following matter has been brought to issue: Come Fly With Me?

A recent Air DeerField Cove flight departing from DC Airport was overbooked, resulting in the violent removal of a passenger. After legal scholars were unable to find any clear consensus about passenger rights within the nation’s existing laws, you have been dragged in to make a decision.

The impossible resolutions by the following debate have been stated and provided as follows:

1. “Now look here,” says Jennifer Pence, the injured passenger, speaking to reporters from her hospital bed. “I paid top USD or Equivalent for that seat, and yet those horrible police officers thought I should be dragged off the plane just because the airline hadn’t properly planned for the amount of people who would want to fly that day. It’s unfair. I say that if we pay for a ticket, we should be allowed to fly on the airplane. It’s that simple.”

2. “But we do plan!” sputters Nelson Watson, Chief Operations Officer of Air DeerField Cove, as he strides into your office without an appointment and knocks your transportation advisor out of his seat. “Virtually every flight has cancellations and no-shows to balance out the overbooking. We just had an abnormal influx of passengers for that particular flight. Yes, we also needed to put a few of our own employees on the flight, but that’s completely irrelevant. I say that we should be allowed to throw passengers off the plane if we have to - and if they won’t go willingly, they should have to deal with the consequences.”

3. “Why do we even have airplanes in the first place?” asks elderly protestor Susie Dahl, waving a “Just Plane Stupid” banner. “Airplanes are noisy, polluting monstrosities that are prone to frequent maintenance delays and flight cancellations. I say we should get rid of airplanes and invest in public transport... by which I mean domesticating the Cat or dog or eagle or reptile and teaching people to ride them.”

Knowing that choosing a solution provided herein above may cause incalculable damage, irreparable harm and catastrophe together with heinous crimes and possible sacrifice and death to innocent people by choosing such ridiculous options, this Office being advised of the matter at issue, the books have been checked to see about previous resolutions and the matter needing to addressed, this motion for resolution is hereby made into legislation and law with regard to the matter at Issue:

TO WIT:

Nelson Watson, Chief Operations Officer of Air DeerField Cove is told to issue 2 first class round trip tickets for the passenger together with and affidavit that any further pursuit for relief with regard to this issue is dealt by arbitration rather court issued judgement.

Intergalactic flight association Issues a final warning to Air Deerfield Cove against violent removal of passengers and send the press away, there is no story here. The airline should have offered passengers a free ticket if anyone would voluntarily take the next flight.

This issue should have never escalated to this point.

With nothing else to add, points earned for resolving an issue, the state having the authority to resolve the issue, and the issue Come Fly With Me? being fully resolved without any objections duly noted, this issue resolution is hereby done and ordered without prejudice.

All rights reserved and exercised.

NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! This is a ridiculous issue and should have never made it up for my review. Go enjoy the beautiful weather!

CC: FORUM PUBLIC NOTICE OF POLICY AND ISSUE RESOLUTION

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