NationStates

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NETWORK NEWS TRANSFER PROTOCOL
USENET NEWSGROUP ENTITY
NEWSGROUP ADDRESS:  TALK.TS.STATEOFFICIAL.MOFA.PUBLIC.FAQ

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TURTLESHROOM_MINISTRY_OF_FOREIGN_AFFAIRS

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Good evening.

In the interest of global outreach and free discussion between nations, the TurtleShroom Ministry of
Foreign Affairs has announced the opening of this official Newsgroup sub-section, which is open to
posts from all men, and non-humans, from the diverse assortment of countries that grace Nationstates.

This is a public channel, but note that obscene content is prohibited, and sexual content will not be tolerated
outside of a political or cultural question. TurtleShroomers in possession of an Internet or Shadynet connection
will randomly be offered to answer your questions.

If you wish to direct a message to the Crown, please denote so and we will try to respond.

Thank you, and enjoy gathering knowledge.
-TURTLESHROOM MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS

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NETWORK NEWS TRANSFER PROTOCOL
USENET NEWSGROUP ENTITY
NEWSGROUP ADDRESS:  TALK.TS.STATEOFFICIAL.MOFA.PUBLIC.FAQ

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Kyle "Three shots"

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Yo' dudes! Me, Samantha, and few amigos wanna travel and see some relaly interesting sights, and I was told, that there is a place, called Turtleshroom. First - What is the most popular attraction for tourists in Turtleshroom? Second - How we gonna be revieved? I mean, how would your people treat us, the free folks of Skyhooked? What should we expect?

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NETWORK NEWS TRANSFER PROTOCOL
    USENET NEWSGROUP ENTITY
    NEWSGROUP ADDRESS:  TALK.TS.STATEOFFICIAL.MOFA.PUBLIC.FAQ

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Minister of Foreign Affairs Official Representative
RE: SKYHOOKED

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Mister Kyle, thank you for your inquiry. TurtleShroom was recently at war against your nation in the Crusades. While Skyhooked is still under embargo- and has been sanctioned for a long time before that -Skyhookmen are allowed entery into TurtleShroom as of early October.

As is with TurtleShroomian law in most Parishes, you and the female compatriots coming with you will be segregated by biological sex in separate rooms. Otherwise, entering our great country will be no problem.

Understand, though, that TurtleShroom does not permit any hard drugs, though different Parishes may or may not accept tobacco, smoked opium, or combinations of the same. TurtleShroomian tourist authorities clearly post their laws at welcome centers.

What is there to do in TurtleShroom? Why, we are the ultimate family-friendly destination! For those on a shoestring budget, experience prices so low that your grocery stores look like haute cusine prices! Gas for a hay penny ($0.005)! Luxury resorts for a hunded fifty Skillets ($37.50)!

Hike through the stunning natural beauty of our great rainforests, ride fan boats in the pure, stagnant waters of our swamplands, and behold the beauties of our ecology and biodiversity, where stunning wildlife fly in the air, even in the cities, and crawl along the ground everywhere you look!

Is nature not your speed? Try any one of her hundreds of thousands of fabulous casinoes! See the diversity and thrills from the humble gambling parlors in small towns, to the gleaming casino towers of Poker (outside Litlin)! Enjoy all the classics, from baccarat to poker to craps, slot machines, Go Fish, roulette, and blackjack, and so much more! Experience exciting new gambling excitement through the live and authentic reenactment of "Mario Party's" Game Guy challenges!

Is this not enough? We have FOOD! Gluttony is a sin, but we won't tell you to stop! ALL YOU CAN EAT! Feast on the greatest variety of foods this side of the Darussalemite Sprawl! Buffets in every town, at every corner, cheap and ready to staisfy! Experience the melting pot of cultures, both old and new, as you taste our centuries-old, Russo-Dixie culinary traditions! You will never find more food for a better price!

Try our Oriental foods, straight from the exiled Emperor's mouth! Enjoy a tour of the Deep Orient and sample varieties like Japanese-Korean, Sino-Japanese, Japanese-Vietnamese, Japanese-Laotian, and of course, Japanese! Or tray a more continental variety of Oriental food, with the deep and enriching culture of the great Tsao stratocracy of Comrade Commissar!

THEN THERE'S THE GUNS! Do you like GUNS? OF COURSE YOU DO!* Exercise your fundamental, inalienable, God-given rights as a sapient lifeform and arm yourself to the teeth, or whatever the metaphor is in your land! Over a century** of rich gun offers and heritage await you!*

We've got fully automatic guns**, guns that switch from automatic to semi-automatic, riifles, pistols, revolvers, and more! We've got ammunition for guns for the past hundred years**! Belt-fed! Rapid-fire! Semi-automatic fire! Manual fire! All the fixings!

Do you like Kalishnikovs? Of course you do, there is nothing that comes close to that quality! Experience a real, newly manufactured AK-47, just like dear old Ma used to shoot! Or go with the modern, standard-issue AK-74, used by TurtleShroom's patriotic defenders!

We've got all the accessories for your weaponry! Night vision, scopes, and military-grade equipment to help you shoot your best! Belt feeders, tripod stands, telescopes and sniper equipment! Hunting stands and reconnaisance towers! Radar! Do you like bump stocks? I don't even kinow what those do, AND WE HAVE THEM! Tired of your ears suffering permanent damage? Get a TurtleShroomian-quality silencer and suppress the sonic crack that cracks your ears!

GUNS! GUNS! GUNS!

TURTLESHROOM IS YOUR TOP WEAPONS DESTINATION*! OUR GUNS ARE GUARANTEED TO BE ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE CHEAPER THAN YOURS! FILL UP YOUR ARMOREY AT A FRACTION OF THE PRICE!

You might be thinking: "WOW, this is the best vacation ever, what else can I do?!"!

Do you like OFFSHORE ACCOUNTS? Do you like TAX HAVENS? Wishing to park your balances away from your pesky ex-future mother-in-law that's still mad you dumped her kid? Are you a wealthy businessman in a Marxist crap hole that is sick of being plundered? An entrepenuer who is barred from upward mobility in their society because progressive taxation keeps the little guy down?

Experience the TurtleShroomian difference! WE'VE GOT AWESOME FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS OF WIN! Our Constitution preserves free banking and we can assure you that your homeland will never find that cash! ALL DEPOSITS ARE INSURED!

TurtleShroomers don't use banks for these reasons- we prefer credit unions -but tourists sure do! That's right! Park your cash here***!

There is so much more we haven't covered! Amusement parks, museums, small town shops. malls and zoos, city parks and nature preserves, pools and friendship! All with the world-renowned Dixie hospitality*****!

So what are you waiting for? Book your vacation on any of our countless partner airports! We now have four international aiports for you to come to call!

The possibilities are endless if you yourself stay right with the law!****** Keep your nose clean and enjoy your time!

* = KNOW YOUR NATION'S GUN LAWS. TURTLESHROOM IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY LISTINGS ON ARMS DEALER LISTS, DO NOT FLY LISTS, SMUGGLER LISTS, OR CRIMINAL ARREST. THE GREAT BOUNTIFUL EMPIRE OF TURTLESHROOM EXERCISES THE SOVEREIGN IMMUNITY OF ITS STATEHOOD AND BY PURCHASING ANY FIREARM YOU AGREE NOT TO SUE THE COUNTRY OR ANYTHING WITHIN ITS JURISDICTION. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO MAKE AN INFORMED PURCHASE.

** = OFFER DEPENDS ON MARKET PRICE AND AVAILABILITY OF IMPORTS. GUNS DATING PAST 1991 AD COST EXTRA. FEES AND IMPORTATION DUTIES APPLY.

*** = Offer varies by Parish, noble fief, administrative district, or Free City. Not valid in Axebundle or the March of the Wall. Following new legislation in TurtleShroom, all tourists must be physically present in TurtleShroom and get photographed to open an offshore account. After registration, all you need is a phone, a fax, a telegram, a wire transfer, or any conventional means of communication, and you can do banking anywhere.

**** = Gun offer not valid in Nekoland.

***** = No Nekomimis are allowed entry into TurtleShroom without a governmental, diplomatic, or military reason.

****** = Illicit drug use, consensual sexual debauchery, and other nonviolent crimes and mischief are punishable by deportation. TurtleShroom reserves the right to deport any tourist for any time and for any reason, with a twenty-four hour notice.

******* = Don't talk about the Exclusion Zone.

Capitanarchia wrote:OOC: Why do you use ripple on an image?