Medwedian Federal Committee on Foreign Inquiries

[Medwedian Democratic Federation]

The Federal Committee on Foreign Inquiries will answer any questions asked by foreign diplomats, scientists, geographers and historians and also provide said persons with materials and/or diagrams requested.

The amount of questions is unlimited; however, it is declared that timely responses can NOT be guaranteed and that all answers will be reviewed and censored by the Federal Ministry of National Security of the Medwedian Democratic Federation prior to their submission.

[Thermodolia]

What is the Medwedian opinion of Thermodolia?

[Medwedian Democratic Federation]

What is the Medwedian opinion of Thermodolia?

The Government of the Medwedian Democratic Federation believes that the National Republic of Thermodolia will too, eventually, be cleansed from the institutional moronism commonly called "Democracy", "Liberalism" and "Freedom" and join the ranks of the righteous nations. Until then, we can only help your citizens embrace the truth by means of propaganda.

[Skyhooked]

"What do you think about good ol' libertarian Skyhooked and our drunk, high, armed, gambling, smart, badass, crazy and happy people."-Skyhookedian

"We consumed some "Mosquito" tequila, our brand, mixed with Jack Daniels whiskey, and decided to make bets. So, what is the slightest offence, that can get person executed in Medwedia? My friend bet 40 kroner, that it's dropping post stamp with Medwedia flag on a floor, and I am gonna lose 100 kroner, if it's not making mistake in prayers."-Drunkard.

"Oh, god, why tortures? Why can't ya' make it clean? And why does it have to be acid bath?"- Concerned citizen

"Yo, gummmy bears from hell pits, how tough is to get citizenship in your fancy resort?"-Junkie

[Medwedian Democratic Federation]

"What do you think about good ol' libertarian Skyhooked and our drunk, high, armed, gambling, smart, badass, crazy and happy people."-Skyhookedian

Skyhooked is a nation of sin and travesty. However, it is believed that salvation, in the form of God's holy fire, which will cleanse you of the disease you call "freedom", will eventually come.

"We consumed some "Mosquito" tequila, our brand, mixed with Jack Daniels whiskey, and decided to make bets. So, what is the slightest offence, that can get person executed in Medwedia? My friend bet 40 kroner, that it's dropping post stamp with Medwedia flag on a floor, and I am gonna lose 100 kroner, if it's not making mistake in prayers."-Drunkard.

Both offences can result in death penalty - the first one gets the anticitizen impaled or flayed for Disrespect Towards the National Flag, the second one gets one burned at the stake for Heresy. The "slightest", according to your classification offence, which can result in death penalty, is breathing too quickly. The normal breath rate of a Medwedian resident is 14 breaths per minute according to the law "On Breathing" dating from 1967. Anybody who breathes too quickly is sentenced to death by drowning, shooting or boiling alive for Misuse of State Resources (air is considered state property).

"Oh, god, why tortures? Why can't ya' make it clean? And why does it have to be acid bath?"- Concerned citizen

It is crucial to understand that the "mindset", or whatever you call it, of the Medwedian people is radically different from that of Westerners. While those punishments might appear to be cruel, barbaric and inhumane to observers who do not know of the joys of being Medwedian, our citizens experience extasy when understanding that what is happening in front of them is nothing but pure justice, as prescribed by His Excellency and God himself.

"Yo, gummmy bears from hell pits, how tough is to get citizenship in your fancy resort?"-Junkie

As most foreigners desiring to become citizens of the Medwedian Democratic Federation are not serious in their undertakings and those who are truthful must be seeked out, our naturalization process might not appear as straightforward and convenient as that of
other nations. Here follows a quick summary of the most important steps.


1.) ENTRANCE PERMIT (VISA)

I hope that you understand that no special, simplified immigration procedures for those travelling under the premise of desiring to naturalize can be offered due to the grave danger of abuse by sodomites, terrorists, vegetarian and other heretics and GCJ (Grave Criminal Jaywalking) practicioners. As such, you must apply for a Medwedian visa. The Federal Committee on Immigration and Border Control requires visas from residents of ALL countries. You can apply for a visa at your local Embassy, Consulate-General or Consulate of the Medwedian Democratic Federation.

Be warned that your visitation of your local Embassy, Consulate-General or Consulate of the Medwedian Democratic Federation might draw negative attention from your local police organization, especially if you are living in an imperialist state like the USA or Great Britain. You might be treated as a criminal, spy or terrorist and subjected to intense, uncomfortable interrogation procedures and/or torturous treatment. You will be asked why you are affiliating yourself with a "malevolent dictatorship" in an attempt to discourage you from visiting Medwedia.

The application process usually takes 10 to 20 years. You will be required to return to your local Embassy, Consulate-General or Consulate of the Medwedian Democratic Federation for interviews and screenings regularly.


2.) TRAVEL TO MEDWEDIA

Currently, land and sea border crossings are generally only open to the citizens of the Russian Federation, Republic of Belarus, Republic of Transnistria, Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Socialist Republic of Cuba as well as the respective neighboring country. They are also open for most foreigners if travelling by TRAIN, PUBLIC BUS or TAXI. However, as a citizen of the United States, United Kingdom or Republic of Skyhooked, you can only enter the Medwedian Democratic Federation on the border crossings Rodelv-Lakselv (Norway-MDF), Haujokoski-Lappenhammer (Finland-MDF), Lahti-Koholmina (Finland-MDF), St. Petersburg (South)-St. Petersborg (Russia-MDF), Kolokolamsk-Paud (Russia-MDF) and Stary Tabor-Taborhalden (Russia-MDF) as well as by plane through Medwed-Taastrup or St. Petersborg Airport. A special permit for the respective border crossing must be obtained in your embassy that will be COUPLED with your visa, meaning that the visa document will only retain its validity on the border crossing noted.

if you have obtained a visa - usually, the visa will be given for a duration of two weeks - you can buy a plane ticket or plan your land trip. Please observe the fact that few international flights to and from Medwedia's airports are offered! You will be stopped at the border for extensive identity and background examination. The commander of the Border Crossing Control Point will phone your local Embassy, Consulate-General or Consulate of the Medwedian Democratic Federation to confirm that you are not an impostor and are indeed entitled to enter the territory of the Medwedian Democratic Federation. Remember to declare all items that are subjectable to Medwedian customs - the border guards are MANDATED to search ALL of your belongings, including your car. You will be checked by doctors for any infections diseases. You can and will be held in an immigrational holding center attached to every border station during the border crossing procedure, which can take several days, especially if you are a citizen of the United States. Do not worry - your visa will be suspended for the duration of the crossing procedure; however, please make sure that at least three days will remain when you will make a formal Naturalization Request.

Note that the authorities of your country may try to prevent you from entering the Medwedian Democratic Federation. Travellers are often arrested at airports and imprisoned for "affiliating with the terrorist organization calling itself 'Medwedian 'Democratic' Federation'".



3.) NATURALIZATION REQUEST

As soon as you have been cleared at the border station, you must approach the nearest large police station (Border guards are not mandated to process such requests) and file a formal Naturalization Request. You will be asked to fill out a multitude of forms. Your national passport and all of your belongings will be confiscated. You will be given standard-issue citizen clothes. After additional medical checks, you will be transferred to a Naturalization Camp by rail. Most of them are located in Upper Siberia; the climate is relatively harsh.

You will spend your time performing healthy physical work and attending political reeducation classes while your request is processed. You will also learn the Medwedian language. The procedure, which includes many hearings and examinations, can take up to 30 years. If it is denied, you will be transferred to your home country immediately. Usually, you will be subjected to heavy legal charges due to your affiliation with the Medwedian Democratic Federation, so think wisely whether you desire to immigrate.

If the Naturalization Request is accepted, you will be transferred to a different section of your Naturalization Camp. Your political reeducation will be completed and a Naturalization Exam will test your knowledge in the field of Medwedian History, Geography and Culture, Medwedian Laws and Customs, Medwedian Language, Medwedian National Conservative Ideology and Economics as well as Life and Achievements of His Excellency, the Glorious and Honourable President of the Medwedian Democratic Federation, Beloved Leader of the Medwedian People, High Marshal Theodor Lynden Frankenstein. You will be revaccinated according to Medwedian Medical Law.


4.) NATURALIZATION PROCEDURE

You will be given a final option to opt out of your naturalization process after you are informed of your Naturalization Exam score. If you legally confirm, by oral declaration and in writing, that you wish to become a Citizen of the Medwedian Democratic Federation, your confiscated passport is destroyed and your home authorities are informed of the fact that you are renouncing your original citizenship. THIS ACTION IS IRREVERSIBLE. YOU CAN NOT FORFEIT MEDWEDIAN CITIZENSHIP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Usually, they will send messages of mourning to your former relatives and friends, who will believe that you have made a dire mistake. You must take a pledge to the Country and His Excellency. You are obligated to convert to Medwedian Orthodox Christianity. You will be transferred to the Exit Section of your Naturalization Camp after this happens, awaiting admission into the Medwedian society.

Several months after your naturalization, you will leave the Naturalization Camp and be transported to your governmentally assigned work place, which is determined according to your professional qualification. Note that not all foreign academic titles are recognized in the Medwedian Democratic Federation due to the incorrectness of the content taught at imperialist universities. Especially doctors must undergo reeducation before practicioning in Medwedia; a specialization in Torture and Execution Sciences is recommended.

If you are younger than 85 and do not suffer from militarily disqualifying diseases, you will be required to serve 20 years in the Medwedian Armed Forces.

Note that you and your children for the next 7 generations will not be entitled to full citizen rights as you are not of Medwedian blood.


You have hopefully understood the Medwedian Naturalization Process. Please contact your local Embassy, Consulate-General or Consulate of the Medwedian Democratic Federation if you request clarifications.