The Daily Lobster

[Toin]

HM Government Denounces Trump Administration, Foreign Ministry Says Otherwise

WHITELAW, Toin - A representative from Whitelaw Palace said in a press conference this morning that His Majesty has "denounced the Trump Administration," further going on to say that the King has been watching the administration since Trump's inauguration in January 2017. Through his spokesperson later on in the day, the King has also stated that he "will not let the barbaric principles of democracy into our glorious Kingdom." Queen Diana has yet to make a statement on the matter, as do the rest of the Royal Family.

The Foreign Office has, however, stated that they are willing to open embassies with nations that follow democratic principles, but will do so with caution. The press release says they will "not poke the bear." The Foreign Minister has yet to say anything. The Foreign Office has also not chosen any ambassadors or consular-generals for diplomatic missions to democratic countries, although many rumors have already began circulating that the Foreign Office will send diplomats to the United States, Canada, the UK, and various other European countries.

Moose Trapped on Lake Again

This story is developing and will be updated as information becomes available. Sorry for the short article!

FORT ERIE, Gp. - A spokesman from the Fort Erie Volunteer Fire Department said that with Lake Edward still frozen until early May, a curious young moose has unfortunately strayed onto the frozen lake and is now stuck. Videos are surfacing over the internet of the moose, dubbed Lake Edward Moose, tripping and falling each time it tries to take a step. The Fire Department is on the scene and still working out a way to get the moose off the lake, although admittedly those videos are quite funny. This is the second incident in two months of moose trapped on lakes.

UPDATE: The moose is safe and sound off of the lake. The Fire Department has said if any more incidents occur, report it to the fire department or animal control immediately. The Fire Department has also made the decision to close the lake for the winter until it breaks up in early May.

[Toin]

Goldpines Loses State Status

PALM HILLS, Gp. - Colonel Tobias Haven recently announced that the Goldpines State Highway Patrol will be changing its name to the Goldpines Territorial Police after King Oliver officially denounced Goldpines' status from State to Territory, losing Toins' only current state. There has not been a peep from the federal government on whether or not they will admit the other territories of Anchorton, Norther, Oceanside, or Saint George Island to the nation.

Governor Ulysses Elwin denounced the act and immediately resigned from his position, stating that he is "going to go live out in the country." The King has not made a statement on Governor Elwin's resignation, but has said that Toin will be going for a major democratic reform, following the government's denouncement of democracy as a form of government. The polls will reportedly be held this Thursday.

[Toin]

THE WEATHER
Whitelaw
18°C High
6°C Low
Wind peaks at 31 km/h
21% chance of rain

Presidential Candidate Becomes Clear

  With the polls for President and Parliament set to close tomorrow morning, many citizens are seeing that the Democratic Party has the most popularity among voters, with four-sixths of the voters voting for the Democratic Party. The remaining two-sixths have voted for either the conservative or colonialism parties, with one-sixth of that percentage further voting for different parties for different ballots. Presidential inauguration is to occur this Saturday at 3:45 PM. Viewers should arrive two hours early to snag their parking.

President House

  Mrs. Eleanore Crew and Mr. Jacob Moore have declined our requests to interview the president and vice president-elect, but have publicly stated in unrelated events that they will appoint governors in the territories according to their party beliefs. They have also publicly stated that they do not intend on admitting any of the territories to the union in their first 100 days of the presidency. Mrs. Crew has also publicly said that she will tour the country upon receiving the presidency.

  This does not come with controversy, however. The more rural, conservative parts of Toin have denounced the pair. A few have accused Mrs. Crew of sexual assault on lower-level government officials, Mr. Moore of assaulting a police officer, and Mrs. Crews' husband of murdering a man over a parking space. The pair have denied the acts, but Mrs. Crew has confirmed that her husband has indeed killed over parking and that the two are now divorced and her husband has been sentenced to life imprisonment.

Parliament House

  Mr. Marshall Belanger and Mr. Nicholas Fleming of the Conservative Party have said they have "nothing to say," except for the fact that they will likely "run for Parliament sometime in the future." For the time being, they have stated that they will be off in hunting sessions for the next couple of months, returning in August for a visit to Europe in unrelated acts of business. Mr. Belanger and Mr. Fleming have also been accused of sexual assault, but once again the pair have denied the act.

  The Colonialism Party will likely run in the Gubernatorial elections in April for Anchorton and Saint George Island. Mr. Victor Pond and Dr. Wyatt Clement have not released their plans into April, but are rather giving hints that they will stay in Saint Anne on Cape Proudfoot, on the northern edge of Saint George Island.

Mayor of Fort Erie Announces Bus Line

Fort Erie pictured in the autumn of 2014

  Her Excellency, Bethany Kingston has announced that Fort Erie will be undergoing construction works in the following months for bus lines. This comes after the recent announcement of the UpdateErie program to help update the small Southern fishing and hunting community. Fort Erie is one of the many communities in Toin, and the majority of communities in the Southern part of the country, to only be connected to the rest of civilization by air. Ms. Kingston also announced that, in cooperation with territorial officials, a road will be built to join up with National Highway 116, a small two lane highway that passes through the area.

Fort Erie Mayor's Office

  This comes in excellent timing too, as many citizens have complained of the almost twice-daily noise of jet and propeller based aircraft during landing and take-off procedures. Many of the flights that arrive in Fort Erie are cargo flights bringing in food and supplies, with the majority arriving in the Austral Autumn before winter arrives, one of the harshest on the planet. This does however bring kinks that need ironed out for busses, as motor engines do not like such extreme cold. The Office of the Mayor has declined to answer on the issue.

  

[Toin]

THE WEATHER
Whitelaw
21°C High
10°C Low
Wind peaks at 5 km/h
5% chance of rain

President Eleanore Crew Inaugurated

President Eleanore Crew was inaugurated earlier today as Toin's first president, and certainly the first female leader. Many residents in the rural areas are outraged with a female president, although President Crew has not acted on the issue. Aside from the inauguration, President Crew has not made any appearances at all. Parliament has also been elected but has not yet met.

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S P E C I A L   B U L L E T I N

  THE BOARD of Prisons has recently announced that two high-security inmates have escaped from their cell in rural Anchorton. The Board of Prisons is currently searching the local area, please co-operate with authorities.

  Dylan Thompson was last seen with a long beard and long, curly blond hair in a vertically striped cyan and white prison uniform, and was last seen at the corner of Main Street and Constitution Avenue in nearby Evans. He is not believed to be armed, but has been confirmed to be dangerous. Please report sightings to either the Anchorton Territorial Police or the Board of Prisons Public Notification Hotline.

  Robert Jackson was last seen with long, black hair in a vertically striped cyan and white prison uniform, and was last seen at 1313 National Highway 178 near a barn on the property. He was holding a knife, a balloon, and was also wearing a duffel bag. He is believed to be armed at this time and has been confirmed to be dangerous. Please report sighting to either the Anchorton Territorial Police or the Board of Prisons Public Notification Hotline.

Residents in settlements near the Federal High-Security Prison Evans are urged not to go outside unless absolutely necessary, to keep doors and windows locked, and to have some form of self-defense ready within a moments notice. Disabled persons, families with small children, and families with disabled children should have a close friend or family member present until the all-clear is given.