Regal Post · Bills set to „tumble” in electricty shake-up

[Great Nortend]

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FRIDAY · 31 JANUARY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · TWOPENCE

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POLAR WINDS BRING FREEZING TEMPERATURES

  A COLD FRONT from the Northern Pole has brought sub-40 degrees to much of the country as far south as Tretford, Abeningham and Welecopham. Heavy snow, has blanketed most of Greater Erbonia and also lighter snow over parts of Enley, Teyshire, Swent, Dershire, Larkshire and extraordinarily, Igoddal, since before Christmas, which has wreaked havoc with canals, roads and railways. Post deliveries have been suspended over many northern counties and even telephone calls and telegraph messages have been affected by the snow. The Board of Railways announced over 100 cancellations of scheduled services, mainly along smaller branch lines, owing to the heavy snowfall.

  Home Service platoons and fire brigades have taken the lead in clearing the snow from roads and pathways, aided by new advanced snow ploughs purchased from Hesover and Sons of Polton. The new ploughs are attached to large motor vehicles and can clear over 35 miles of foot-deep snow in an hour. The snow pushed to the curb has still reduced traffic flow in many towns and cities, and the 70 ft wide King's Street in King's Rhighton which normally carries three lanes of traffic each way was late yesterday down to only one lane of traffic each way.
  
  The cold temperatures have also resulted in a large number of hospitalisations for hypothermia and winter illnesses such as influenza and pneumonia. At least twenty-three people have died since the start of the year in October from cold related conditions. Many parishes have organised winter clothes collections this year in a bid to reduce the number of deaths; however, woollen coats, scarves and stockings are not enough to keep the cold at bay for the elderly and inform.

  The Government had urged people to stock up on coal and firewood before the winter snow arrived and asked pensioners and those on alms to apply for coal or firewood alms. Despite this, many dwellings still remain unheated or minimally heated during the winter. A survey of three localities earlier this month revealed that over 20 per cent of households only lit a fire in the range, despite having hearths elsewhere through their dwelling-house. The main reason was lack of fuel owing to lack of wherewithal. Many rural households have been affected by the reduction in the amount of timber allocated for fuel in common woodlands as quality wood for working becomes scarcer worldwide.

  

[Great Nortend]

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WEEKEND · 8–9 FEBRUARY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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HOUSEWIFERY : A VITAL SKILL—MRS. G. C. Hetler

  SINCE it was popularised by Mrs. Harker over 150 years ago in “Mrs. Harker's Guide to Housewifery”, the “Five Cs” have formed a concise expression of what the fairer sex should concern themselves with—the housekeeping, the cooking, the children and the church. It is a testament to the efforts of the Rev’d Dr. Fengold, the Very Rev’d Professour de Rutland that since then, theological and liturgical education has improved so very much, for both boys and girls.

  To-day, over six monarchs later, Mrs. Harker's guide remains in print in its 23rd edition, and graces many a reading desk as the standard text-book for our girls studying Housewifery in the fourth and fifth forms. Indeed, it is the most popular supplementary paper for girls, taken by over 63 per cent of girls in board schools.

  Competency in the Five Cs remains one of the top factors considered by bachelors and their parents. In a survey of 1,000 working and middling class bachelors and their parents, over 33 per cent listed the attribute as the most important when deciding upon the suitability of a maiden as wife, behind only physical attractiveness, affection and compatibility. Furthermore, over 74 per cent listed it in their top five.

  Yet despite its wide popularity, self-proclaimed “reformers” such as Mr. Bakewell and Miss Lange-Fellows belittle this important subject, claiming that it has no relevancy for the modern woman.
Incredibly, both Mr. Bakewell and Miss Lange-Fellows retain housekeepers and we are informed by Mr. Jessup of the Morning Herald that Mr. Bakewell is known to employ a cook. Perhaps these reformers live in a society of ladies, all of whom able to afford a retinue of staff to be waited upon day and night.

  The situation for the vast majority of Erbonian families is very different. For many, even sending out collars and cuffs is beyond their wherewithal, not to mention putting out the the cookery and cleaning and mending and sewing and nursing and accounts and shopping. For these families, a woman with practical skills in all of the household departments is essential. This is achieved through a systematic and solid grounding in the art and science of housewifery.

  It is even, perhaps, more important for those girls who do not have the luxury of a betrothal and engagement or place at home. Nearly 40 per cent of girls leaving school enter into domestic or commercial service, nearly all thereof from the working classes. Apart from the muddled and unsystematic imbibing of knowledge from their own mothers, which is apt to promote unscientific and foolish practices, where else are girls to learn the skills necessary to secure themselves a place at a reputable household?

  It is true that many girls are fortunate enough to be invited to the manor house or to some other upstanding establishment for general training in their vocation. Yet even there, long gone are the days of the uneducated and dim-witted maid. Somewhere around three-quarters of staff agencies require girls to have at least a Fourth Form Report in Housewifery, if not a School Certificate.

  We can see in other countries where rigorous instruction in the domestic skills has lapsed, and women are forced to spend years studying the natural, physical and theoretical sciences, advanced mathematics, esoteric humanities and foreign languages. No doubt, these are valuable subjects, but they are of relatively little use in the ordinary running of a household, where the more practical analogues would seem to be cookery, accounting, the raising of children, and religious studies.

  Miss Lange-Fellows argues that women should be encouraged to enter the professional world as they do in such other countries, with the same pay as their male equals, and that the liberation of the woman is in the rejection of the ideal of the housewife.

  The lady fails to also point out that throughout history, women tend to only enter the public workforce in exigent circumstances. In these foreign countries to which Miss Lange-Fellows looks with such admiration, the cost of living has increased so greatly that the men are unable to support their families on a single wage. Consequently, the market for domestic staff has declined so dramatically that even well-off households rarely keep any staff, let alone a retinue of cook, maid and nurse.

  These women are forced to take jobs in other sectors generally in our country taken by more middling class young girls. The girls pushed out thereby are then forced to study excessively in law, medicine, science, engineering, business and commerce, bound to work till the end of their earthly lives, apart from their children, family and friends. Is this the kind of drudgery Miss Lange-Fellows argues for and even desires?

  I find it hard to believe that we women innately desire to work as their men-folk do. Certainly, we are kept in pleasant freedom at home, free to attend Mattins, Mass, Nones and even Vespers daily, visit friends and take recreation, yet with time to cook three meals a day and keep house with the innovation of labour-saving devices such as the electric iron, the washing machine and the gas range. We have it much easier than the women that preceded us—why would we wish to throw it all away for a hectic life of work?

  

[Great Nortend]

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WEDNESDAY· 19 FEBRUARY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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BISHOP ADMONISHES PRIEST

  THE Lord Bishop of Lendert and Cadell has issued an informal monition to the Vicar of St Michael and All Angel's, Fottering, the Very Rev'd Mr. Peter Halifax, who is also Dean of Fottering, over a sermon which he preached at the Mass at Candelmas. The sermon, which promoted the unorthodox practice of the ordination in holy orders of ladies, caused consternation among the congregation, parish, deanery and nationally. The diocesan bishop, the Most Rev'd and Most Hon'ble Cardinal Dr. Alan Gough, was forced to publish letters missive affirming the Church of Nortend's doctrine on the matter, which restricts ordination to males only.

  Mr. Halifax's sermon has not been published; however, the general gist of it appears to be that there is no reason to not ordain women to the diaconate, there being historical precedent for deaconesses in the early Church. Dr. Gough in his letters missive acknowledged that deaconesses are present in the history of the Church; however, he stressed that they only existed in times of necessity owing to the fact that under persecution it was not always possible to find suitable men to ordain. He also emphasised that there is no historical precedent for the ordination of females to the priesthood in the early Church or in any of the Catholic Churches, and that it would be contrary to law, history and practice.

  The Regal Post understands that Mr. Halifax is known locally for his more Protestant theology. He is alleged to habitually forego the wearing of the massing cope at Mass, which is referred to in published notices as the Communion. Furthermore, parishioners have previously cited Mr. Halifax to the Consistory Court over his neglect to say Mattins and Vespers daily in church, for which he received a formal monition. It is believed that Mr. Halifax had agreed to abide by the Canon law requiring the same, and that he received no further punishment.

  

[Great Nortend]

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FRIDAY· 28 FEBRUARY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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FIRE ABOARD CITY AND MET—TWO DEAD; SCORES INJURED

  A FIRE broke out yesterday evening on the Fitcherden line of the Lendert-with-Cadell City and Metropolitan Railway which claimed the lives of two gentlemen. The fire was discovered in the second second class compartment of the fourth carriage of an down train from Halton Street Station soon after departure from Pomleed Road Station as the train was travelling through the underground tunnel to St George's Street Station. The fire quickly engulfed the compartment and spread into the adjoining compartments, suffocating the passengers with acrid smoke.

  The two passengers who perished were seated in the compartment where the fire first began. It is alleged that the emergency cord was pulled by a passenger; however, owing to the narrowness of the tunnel, it was impossible to stop therein, and the train was forced to continue another half mile to St George's Street Station, whereat upon arrival evacuation measures were put in place. The carriage was quickly isolated by uncoupling the train at the aft and fore thereof and hand-extinguishers used in an attempt to lessen the flames.

  It was reported that several managed to pull some of their unconscious fellow passengers from the adjoining compartments. The senior porter Mr. Allan Smilders and the station-master Mr. Richard Channing were seen heading into the compartment to rescue those left behind, with only a handkerchief to stop the smoke overwhelming them. Firemen arrived within three minutes of the train's arrival and quickly managed to douse the flames, removing the severely charred corpses from the second compartment.

  It is extremely fortunate that there were not more casualties, especially given the reported ferocity of the fire. The two gentlemen deceased have yet to been identified by the constabulary at the time of printing. Twenty-six people were immediate transported to St Benedict's Hospital five miles away in Hadgrave in ambulances for serious burns and smoke inhalation, whilst another twenty-four or so were treated at local hospitals for smoke inhalation, minor burns and injuries.

  It is not currently known what the cause of the fire is; however, the Fire Brigade has tentatively suggested that it began on the floor of the carriage. The train in question was an electrical train, and investigations are proceeding to determine whether the cause was electrical. The City and Metropolitan Railway said in a statement that it deeply regretted the incident and would be reviewing its maintenance and emergency procedures in the coming weeks. It praised the swift actions of platform staff at St George's Street Station, and especially Mr. Smilders and Mr. Channing for their heroic efforts in entering the flaming carriage and rescuing passengers which put themselves in harm's way.

  Fitcherden Line trains which were suspended last evening, will begin running again this morning.
  

[Great Nortend]

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WEDNESDAY· 18 MARCH MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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INLAND QUARANTINE PULLS US TOGETHER BUT APART

  THE extension of quarantine measures to the whole of the country in a valiant attempt to defend the country from the vanguard of the Marimba flu has mobilised the latent war-time mentality of our people. With quarantine passports issued by the King's Clerk, the Regal Post is able to report on the actions taken to safeguard the population as hundreds are infected with the deadly flu abroad.

  Every town and village is under lock-down and members of the Royal Army, Home Service, Constabulary, Navy Royal and Home Fleet stand picquet at all hours to control the ingress and egress of all persons at the perimeter of each quarantine region. No man may enter a quarantine region without lawful reason under new regulations issued by the King's Clerk in His Majesty's name. Millions of emergency passports are being printed, as all men require a stamped authority to enter a quarantine region. For now, the list of valid reasons is long; however, their main purpose at the present time is to ensure that the movements of persons is well recorded in the event of an outbreak.

  In infected regions, rationing will be implemented for the first time since the Great War. Already, Sorredge, which has three persons with the Marimba flu hospitalised at St Mary's Hospital, has issued ration books to every person by household in the event that the infection escapes into the wider community. This will be coupled with stronger quarantine measures, including mandatory curfews, the closure of all non-essential shops and businesses, and limits on the movement of people. Under the Clerk's regulations, in the event of a localised epidemic, only one person per household shall be permitted to venture out into the street per day, and he or she must wear gloves, a mask and clothing covering all parts of the body which must be washed thereafter.

  For now though, communities are banding together in the fight to maintain the health of all. Hoarding has been strictly forbidden by responsible grocers whilst anti-infection bye-laws are being passed to prevent close contact amongst members of the community by maintaining at least a two-yard distance between persons. Many parishes have also extended bye-laws to the forbidding of the giving of handshakes with un-gloved hands, and the staggering Mass times to allow for greater spacing between persons in pews. Parishioners have been encouraged to attend on other days than Sunday, or to attend Mattins, Nones or Vespers in lieu.

  Hospitals all across the country are preparing for the worst, and factories are busy manufacturing the necessary medical appliances for the treatment of flu victims. Already hundreds of people are presenting to hospital with symptoms of the common cold and hospital authorities are urging patients to stay at home and call for their general practitioner rather than taking a journey to hospital and risking spreading infection as they go. Laundries are also being overwhelmed with cuffs and collars as men and women rush to clean them from potential disease. Ladies have taken to wearing veils again, and mouth-masks are a hot commodity for the prevention of infection.

  Despite the lack of epidemic in Great Nortend proper, quarantine measures are already taking a toll on the oeconomy and business. Trade is severely disrupted, and transport services have been drastically cut back to stem infection. The Eastern Main Line, for instance, has been reduced to a three-hourly stopping service each way from its normal hourly stopping service. Many branch-lines are only running morning, noon and evening, and omnibus routes shut entirely. In Lendert-with-Cadell, trams continue to run, but mouth-masks are now common sights on the streets.

  The Government has reiterated the imperative duty of all subjects to act in the greater good of the country in such times of crisis. We are enjoined to stand firm against the Marimba flu, yet not forget the deadly consequences of complacency.
  

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TUESDAY· 31 MARCH MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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MERCY FLIGHT FOR NORDENSTATERS AND HINDIA BELANDANS

  THE flag carrier of Hindia Belanda, Air Nederlands Indië, has announced two repatriation flights for subjects of the Nordenstat-Hindia Belandan Crown and their dependants in response to the growing Marimba flu crisis which has seen countries across the globe forced into quarantine and provoked the King to issue a rare Royal Proclamation restricting entry to Erbonian subjects only. The flights will be operated out of Royal St. Christopher's Airport on the 4th and 8th of April and all persons wishing to take advantage of these flights must register with the Hindia Belandan government.

  To register, persons are advised to urgently send a telegramme or write first class to the Hindia Belandan embassy (Telegraphic address : EMBHIND) at 27 Halton Street, Lendert-with-Cadell in order to register for a flight. Telegrammes and letters must specify :
• Names of travellers
• Dates of birth
• Nationality
• Passport No.
• Passport expiration date
• A postal address
• If possible, a telephone number.
• Desired date of travel (4th or 8th of April)
Please note that it is not advised that persons telephone the Embassy, on account of the difficulties in taking large numbers of calls at this time. Passengers will receive either a telegramme or telephone call to confirm their details and booking. If persons are able to access the Internet, registrations can be taken thereon at the Web-site http : // www . gov . hb / travel / repatriation2020.

  The Hindia Belandan embassy has advised that whilst consular assistance will be available at Royal St. Christopher's Airport, the Embassy will not be providing transport to the Airport. Passengers must make their own arrangements to reach the Airport. Passengers are advised to check with their local railway company for train times. As of printing the tram-way between St. Christopher and Nevvings railway station and the Airport is operating normally. Passengers displaying any symptoms of the Marimba flu, such as fever, cold, difficulty breathing, coughing, sneezing or running noses will not be allowed to board the flight.

  NOTE all persons with symptoms of the Marimba flu, such as fever, cold, difficulty breathing, coughing, sneezing or running noses must so inform a police constable and are forbidden to leave their dwellings except in exigent circumstances, by His Majesty's Order in Council, under penalty of imprisonment and amercement not exceeding £1,000.
  

[Great Nortend]

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MONDAY· 4 MAY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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TELEPHONE EXPANSION CALLING?

  THE General Post Office's telephone network currently links every one of the 8,933 post offices and over 2,000,000 subscribers across the country with the international telephone network. However, connection of new subscribers has stagnated in the last two decades, with only 20,000 new subscribers signing up between 2000 and 2020.

  Sixty-five per cent of subscribers are considered domestic subscribers. However, despite statistics shewing that over 80 per cent of households “regularly” use telephones for communication, only 20 per cent of these have a telephone in their house. The rest must make a trip to the local public telephone to both make and receive calls. This necessitates the planning of telephone conversations which is typically accomplished by sending the customary telephone card by post or courier or by making arrangements some other way.

  Naturally this arrangement is advantageous to the Post Office which in many cases will receive both the telephone charge (approximately sixpence a call) and the postage fees of the request and often-times the reply, although the reply is nowadays not often sent when the answer is in the affirmative. Given this difficulty in arranging telephone calls and their price, the prevailing public opinion is that they must be reserved for special occasions.

  However, the telephone is used with great effect amongst the more prosperous classes, and it has become an indispensable tool of modern communication, neatly slotting in after the venerable letter and the 19th century telegramme. It has become popular for people to spend hours making conversation over the telephone when they are far apart, each comfortably at his own home. Why then, is it not enjoyed by the vast majority of the middling and working classes?

  The answer, of course, lies in money. It is often prohibitively expensive to erect a new line when one does not expect to use the telephone with any frequency. The line connection fees too, are currently quoted at nearly £4 a year, without also considering the telephone rental cost (£1·2·0) and telephone call fees themselves (one penny for local calls per minute plus a fourpence switchboard fee). In addition, the Post Office requires a detailed survey of the electrical wiring of the property, and also prevents applications made by “persons of an undesirable nature”. Compared with a public telephone, which only costs sixpence for up to two minutes, it is no wonder that households are subscribing like cats from water.

  The lack of welcome afforded to new subscribers has been attributed to policy decisions made at the highest echelons of the Post Office. Many senior officers are worried about the impact increased accessibility to telephone calls may make on the volume of personal letters and telegrammes, which make up the bulk of the Post Office's £25·2 million annual takings. The Postmaster-General, Mr. James Kinson, earlier this year reiterated the government's stance that no changes will be made to the current process for signing up new telephone subscribers. However, there have been rumblings that major commercial companies have been lobbying the government to change their position, arguing that increased access to the telephone will benefit the oeconomy as a whole.

  Whilst it is not certain, it seems that for the near future at least Nortchmen will continue to have to stand around in draughty telephone boxes waiting for the line to be connected.
  

[Great Nortend]

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THURSDAY· 2 APRIL MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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TREASURY SAYS WASH YOUR COINS

  HIS MAJESTY'S Treasury has issued a statement assuring the public of the safety of the coin of the realm. All Erbonian coins are made of either bronze, silver or gold, all three of which have anti-bacterial properties. However, they are not effective against the viral Marimba flu, which is not spread by bacteria. Therefore, it is recommended that persons keep coin change in a separate, disposable pouch and wash them with soap and water once returned home.

  At this time, the Treasury does not recommend the use of banknotes, which are not in fact legal tender, owing to their potential to spread the Marimba flu virus as they cannot be washed without damage. Instead for large purchases, it is recommended that cheques be used. If one does not have a cheque facility, most banks have limited supplies of one pound, five pound and ten pound gold coins on hand.
  

DAFFODILS MAY BE SOURCE OF VIRUS-FIGHTING MEDICAMENT

  SCIENTISTS in Eamshire have been trialling medicaments produced from daffodils, which have been springing up across the country as the Whitsun term begins and Spring starts officially. Daffodils contain a chemical known as narcissine or in Latin, narcissinium, which is present throughout the plant, as well as in other Amaryllidaceaean species. The chemical is a toxic alkaloid which is supposed to have anti-viral and anti-bacterial qualities, and may even have anti-cancerial properties.

  Dr. George Hartlecook is a senior pharmacologist at Retman and Fieldings, the well-known Erbonian pharmaceutical company, who has been leading the team undertaking research into the properties of narcissine against the Marimba asterovirus. He told the Regal Post that preliminary trials on mice infected with the similar murine asterovirus, which infects predominantly laboratory mice, have been promising, with early results suggesting that [narcissine] actively inhibits the replication of the asterovirus resulting in a decline in mortality rates.

  Despite these results, Dr. Hartlecook is apprehensive as to the likelihood that a daffodil-derived cure could be coming to apothecaries across the world soon. It is of course too early to tell whether narcissine is viable for the cure, but scientists are working around the clock all across the globe in developing innovative and novel treatments in the fight against the the Marimba flu
  

[Great Nortend]

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MONDAY· 11 MAY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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MINOR LOSS OF JOBS TO MARIMBA

  ANALYSIS by the Board of Trade has revealed that there has been little national change in commoner employment figures since the start of the Marimba flu crisis which has swept across the globe during the Lent term. The estimated number of able-bodied of working age men in the lower and middling classes of insufficient estate classified by the Board as being without gainful occupation has increased slightly to 62,500 people, from 61,900 in January. This increase has been attributed to quarantine regulations reducing income for businesses, and is expected to reduce upon the relaxation of the lock-down.
  

[Great Nortend]

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WEDNESDAY · 13 MAY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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DAFFODIL DEATHS SPARK WARNING

  ONE elderly lady in Blackermill, Marcastershire, was found death on Monday, and her sister and two others of the same parish severely ill, after taking a tincture of daffodil in an attempt to stave off the Marimba flu. Recent reports of studies being undertaken into the efficacy of narcissine, a toxic alkaloid extracted from daffodils, in treating the Marimba asterovirus has led to a surge in interest in daffodils as a medicine for the treatment or even prevention of the said flu. Dr. Philips were called to attend to Misses Falcnor, spinsters aged 78 and 83, on Monday morning after the elder Miss Falcnor complained of severe vomiting, a tingling sensation and clammy skin. Advising that it was likely that the pair had contracted food poisoning, he prescribed pink bismuth, water, chicken broth and rest.

  However, later that night, Miss Falcnor passed away of heart arrhythmia and hypotension of the blood. Miss Lucy Falcnor, too began suffering minor convulsions; however, she was able to call the housemaid who telephoned for a doctor and ambulance. Mrs. Walker and Mr. Parker also suffered similar symptoms, and all three were taken to hospital in Hollymoss nearby. Investigations on Tuesday found that the culprit was tincture of daffodil prepared by the local apothecary without a prescription on request by the late Miss Falcnor. The apothecary in question will be investigated by the Compagnie of Apothecaries.
  

[Great Nortend]

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TUESDAY · 7 JULY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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COLLEGE WIGS EYE STUDENTS ABROAD

  THE fellows of several university colleges across the country are looking towards overseas countries as a source of increased revenue and to counter claims that their elite institutions routinely deny matriculation to students on the basis of their working class backgrounds.

  The masters of All Saint's, Christ's, Holy Ghost, Prince's, Staithey and West College of the University of Aldersey, Pattermore and Castle College of the University of Limmes, and Rhighton and Trinity College of the University of Rhise have all expressed interest on behalf of their colleges with the Foreign Clerk, Sir George Drachington, who was himself educated at Wistfine College which is only open to the old boys of Chepingstow School.

  Over £50,000 will be spent by the Foreign Office to advertise Great Nortend's universities abroad, to attract students seeking a modern education in a traditional style founded upon the strong base of the liberal arts. Currently, there are 198 international students at the University of Aldersey, 112 at the University of Limmes and 43 at the University of Rhise. The Foreign Office is seeking to sign up at least 1,000 students, both undergraduate and graduate, over the next five years.

  University sources have expressed concerns that the potential “culture shock” of moving to Great Nortend to study would put off many would-be students, such as the strict university bye-laws, restrictions on electronic machines, and the high Latin proficiency required. However, the Foreign Office told the Regal Post that it is simply a matter of letting students know that study in Great Nortend is possible and is indeed a viable option for those seeking a high quality education across all fields.
  

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WEDNESDAY· 15 JULY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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CLAIMS OF CENSORSHIP RIDICULED

  FOOLISH claims by the Reformers’ Daily newspaper were yesterday thoroughly refuted by the King’s Clerk in the Commons in response to a Question by the Knight of Ganningshire East, Mr. Fair.

  The Reformers’ Daily on its Monday front page boldly claimed that the Government’s mooted changes to His Majesty’s Regulations for the Courts will forbid the presentation to the Court of evidence attacking the Government. It claimed thus that when applied with laws regulating truth in the press, the Regulations would “censor critics of the government in court” and that the Government were “[removing] any semblance of the freedom of the press”.

  The proposed new Regulations, of which there are two separate for the Common Chamber and King’ Chamber respectively, greatly expand on the sections relating to the laws of evidence. The rule in dispute, Rule 133 of the Regulations for the King’s Chamber, prevents the admission into evidence of documents which are deemed to be of “embarrassment to His Majesty”.

  The King’s Clerk said that the Reformers’ Daily’s article was based on a “schoolboy misunderstanding” of the law. The reference to “His Majesty” in the rule in fact refers to the Court, not to the King proper or the Government, as historically the King himself sat in the Court of King’s Chamber, whence cometh the name. Furthermore, Sir Billings recognised that the noun “embarrassment” could be understood in the Reformers’ Daily’s interpretation.

  However, he clarified to the Houses of Commons that in law, it referred to material which “embars” the process of trial and thus are “embarrassing” to the Court. He also noted that the equivalent rule for the Common Chamber, Rule 189, is expressed in the same terms, except substituting “His Majesty” with “The Court”, as well as reiterating that the expanded Regulations were in fact codifications of the existing body of chamber law.

The Reformers’ Daily did not respond to a telegramme for comment before time of print.

  

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TUESDAY · 21 JULY MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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DAILY OFFICE

  TO-DAY is the Twelfth Kalends of August, and the feast day of Saint Prascedes, a Virgin, sister of Saints Pudentiana, Novatus and Timotheus, and daughter of Saint Pudens, the son of Quintus Cornelius Pudens, early Christian and senator of Rome. Saint Prascedes with her sister Saint Pudentiana devoted their lives to the easing of the suffering of the early Christians who were persecuted during their time. She, along with her sister, are often depicted with sponges and cups which they used to collect the blood of Christians. Saint Prascedes died in A. D. 165, during the reign of Emperor Marcus Aurelius and was buried with her sister in the Catacomb of Priscilla, before both were translated to the Church of Saint Prascedes in A. D. 780 on the orders of Pope Hadrian I.

The feast of Saint Prascedes is a simple feast of three lessons. The offices are taken from the Common of a Virgin not a Martyr.

  

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WEDNESDAY· 12 AUGUST MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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WORLD LEADERS PAY RESPECTS TO SIR BENJAMIN DE DAVIES

  SOVEREIGNS, princes, heads of government, diplomats and world leaders all assembled yesterday at Saint Peter's Cathedral in Lendert-with-Cadell to mourn the passing of The Right Honourable Sir Benjamin de Davies, 1st Banneret, His Majesty's former Lord High Treasurer, who passed away at the age of 92 on the evening of August 9th at his ancestral home in Cliffence in Barminstershire from undisclosed causes. The arresting sight of the black-draped coffin being processed on a black chare down Castledrive and turning right into Halton Street surrounded by clergy chaunting De profundis and Miserere, and heralds and knights bearing black-edged banners and arms was made all the more starker by the mourning public clothed in uncharacteristic black for the warm summer's day as the entire country grieved the loss of the premier statesman of the century to come from these island shores.

   The King and Queen both attended, Her Majesty wearing the blue gown edged in crepe distinctive of royal mourning. The Government was represented by the present Lord High Treasurer, Sir Spencer de Stornton, as well as all living former Lords High Treasurer, The Duke of Limmes, The Margrave of Bine, The Earl of Alsby and The Earl of Bexeness. The current Warden of the Droughers, The Baron of Stavenson, was also present, as well as a whole Privy Council and a host of current and former politicians and statesmen. All of Sir Benjamin's immediate family, Lady Margaret-Joan de Davies, and Sir Henry de Davies, 2nd Bart., Mr. Edwin de Davies and Mr. Charles de Davies were in attendance, as well as numerous members of his extended family.

  Over fifty foreign government dignitaries attended the public funeral Requiem Mass at the Cathedral including Mme. Antje Moeljani, Prime Minister of Hindia Belanda, with her Foreign Minister Mr. Wardana, the Chairman of the Greater Council of Cadenza Mr. Vilaum Tolyxa, the Foreign Minister of Nikolia Mme. Krstić and the Foreign Minister of Nidwalden Mr. Samuelsen. There are delegates from the numerous intergovernmental organisations which Sir Benjamin had dealt with in his mortal life, including the Secretary for Foreign Affairs of the Lorecian Community Mme. Gruber. Furthermore, nearly every diplomatic mission accredited to His Majesty's Court was represented at the Mass, which was conducted by the Lord Abbot and Lord Bishop of Lendert, The Rt. Rev. Cardinal Dr. Alan Gough at the High Altar.

  The body of Sir Benjamin was transported to Lendert-with-Cadell in the afternoon of August 10th, after having his first Placebo, Dirige and Requiem at Cliffence. He lay in state in the Chapel of Saint Giles of the Castle of Lerdenstone, where the House of Lords ordinarily sits, where another office of Placebo was chaunted, followed by Dirige, Requiem and the votive masses yesterday morning. Placebo, Dirige and the masses of the Blessed Virgin Mary and the Holy Trinity were also chaunted at Saint Peter's Cathedral prior to the Requiem yesterday.

  The body of Sir Benjamin was returned to Cliffence yesterday afternoon and interred in a tomb in the family church of Saint Clement at the Davies' estate at Cliffence. His month's mind Offices and Masses will be said both at Saint Giles and at Cliffence.

  

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THURSDAY· 20 AUGUST MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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TENSIONS INFLAMED IN SLOVERTIA

  REPORTS from Slovertia have arrived indicating that the on-going conflict with the South Mazurian minority has increasingly become wrought with violence with a palpable possibility of civil war in the air as the country prepares to vote in a general election. The Slovertian Prime Minister, Mr. Rupert Wilmar, has been criticised in domestic and international media as presiding over the systematic oppression of Mazurians after he won a shock election victory in 2015 despite lagging behind in polls up to the day of the election.

  The general consensus in the Sloverti capital of Brativas appears to be for an independent South Mazuria and along with it, the city of Brativas; however, all major political parties have declared that this is completely out of the question. However, in South Mazuria, the pro-independent so-called “Liberation Party” is leading in the polls despite being declared a terrorist group by Mr. Wilmar and out of the running for the Sloverti government.

  Mr. Wilmar's greatest rival, Mme. Obecny of the Sloverti Realist Party, is been touted as the most likely contender for the Prime Ministership after the election. Mme. Obecny has courted the Sloverti people through the campaign, especially with her pledge to thoroughly investigate Mr. Wilmar's alleged crimes which have been compared to “ethnic cleansing” by the opposition. However, there is a level of distrust in Slovertia over the integrity of the electoral, especially after the suspicious result of the 2015 election which trust Mr. Wilmar's party, the Conservative Union, into power.

MAN ARRESTED FOR SEDITION AND LEASING

  A MAN from Metthews was arrested yesterday for sedition for defamation of the King's Majesty. Roger Baker, 54, was described by shocked witnesses as having brought a wooden crate to King Edmund's Square and having surmounted upon it, begun declaiming offensively against the Crown, labelling it an “institution of subjugation” and “incompatible with basic human rights”, his tirade punctuated by the throwing of potatoes, and according to some witnesses, stones, at the statue of His late Majesty King Edmund IX. Baker was quickly subdued by several constables and taken to Metthews Police Station where he was placed in the watch-house.

  The High Sheriff of Almeshire, Mr. Superintendent Sir Graeme de Pace, told the Regal Post that the Baker was “clearly” a member of an underground seditious movement seeking to incite treason against the legitimate government of Great Nortend. He noted that the constabulary would be working urgently to identify any other members and to suppress further seditious activity. Sir Graeme said that Baker would be presented for indictment forthwith at the next General Sessions on felony charges of high treason, sedition, leasing, sacrilege and mischief, although he conceded that the charge of high treason was a mere formality. The latter two charges are on account of damage suffered to a 16th century stained glass window of the church of St. Gertrude and to the said bronze statute of King Edmund IX.

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THURSDAY· SEPTEMBER 6 MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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CADETS FLY OFF TO ASWICK

  ARMY cadets from Parrum School yesterday flew to Aswick for a fortnight-long exercise abroad. Led by their Officer Commanding Cpt. John Weaver and Cadet Regimental Serjeant Major Henry Pidgeon, thirty-two senior cadets arrived at Winchester yesterday morning for the unique opportunity of visiting working Aswickan military bases including the Infantry Training Centre at Chatterick, as well as meeting with Aswickan cadets from the Winchester Combined Cadet Corps and furthering their own skills as cadets.

  The visit was arranged in recognition of 150 years' of the Parrum School cadet company, which was founded in 1870. Cpt. Weaver said that the town of Parrum had strong historical ties with Winchester, and notably the Earldom of Parrum is among the titles of King William Stonebridge of Aswick. “We were made very welcome upon our arrival, and no doubt the boys will get a lot out of the exercise,” Cpt. Weaver said yesterday afternoon as the cadets familiarised themselves at Parker Barracks at Winchester. “The Winchester [cadets] have been very helpful in explaining how things work here which our cadets have been very interested to learn. I can only hope that they [the Winchester cadets] will find us as interesting as they have been for us.”

BISHOP CONDEMNS GLUTTONOUS VICARS

  PRIESTS who fall into the sin of gluttony have been condemned by the Lord Bishop of Mast, Dr. Edmund Widow-Goddering, in letters missive sent to all curates within the Diocese of Mast. Dr. Widow-Goddering expressed concern in his letters over several complaints presented by vestries at the recent visitation of the diocese which resulted in five curates being cited for gluttony. His Lordship noted that curates were expected by the Church and wider society to set an example of righteousness and godliness, which included abstention from sin as far as possible, and enjoined curates to avoid the temptations of excess. The Regal Post understands that the corpulent priests were commanded to fast for a month and thereafter ensure that they restrict their gluttony.

MASS DEER POISONING SPARKS INVESTIGATION

  THE death of over two dozen red deer at Dutson Wood in Northeymeadshire was discovered on Monday by the gamekeeper, Mr. Alsint Rewers. The deaths have been determined to be of poisoning with a common poison, which renders the venison unsafe to eat. The deer carcases were not otherwise injured. The local constabulary have begun an investigation into the matter; however, local villagers say that it is most likely accidental, not intentional.

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TUESDAY· SEPTEMBER 8 MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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PUPILS TO BE TAUGHT MANNERS

  AS of the new school year this Michaelmas, board school pupils across the country will be taught a formal curriculum on etiquette in the third form as part of the Government’s plan for improving society. Though we have much to be proud about in this field, it is still common to see the incorrect use of cutlery or the incorrect type of stationery or the incorrect type of boot for the occasion.

  The textbook for the brief course on etiquette is authored by the Countess of Hollands, and will be taught in a class once every month. Her Lordship was graciously pleased to write the book at the request of the Master of the Board of Schooling, Dr. Thomas Wolfuller, who is coincidentally the third cousin of Her Lordship. Several copies of the book entitled “The Rudiments of Etiquette” have already been distributed to board schools across the country, and it is also available at most good book shops.

  The curriculum includes the principle subjects of dress and bearing, courtesies, correspondence and etiquette at social events. Dr. Wolfuller said that the curriculum had been written so as to be of the most benefit for the working and middling ranks, and that it fully aligned with the Government’s policy of improving the living conditions of all Erbonians.

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MICHAELMAS DAY · TUESDAY · SEPTEMBER 39 MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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REVELLERS MARK NEW YEAR WITH A REVEL

  NORTCHMEN across the country have rung in the start of the new year and new decade with lanterns, fireworks and more. Yesterday afternoon on the Eve of Michaelmas, as Vesperstide drew near, locals packed the pews in their finest clothes, ready to begin two consecutive days of celebration, both for the coming of 2021, and to give thanks for the successful harvest.

  All across the country, there was a palpable sense of excitement as the bells rang out, followed by that oft-repeated versicle, “O Lord, make speed to save us!”, echoing through churches. At St. Peter’s in Lendert, the congregation burst out the response with such vigour that the presiding Abbot was visibly surprised. “O Lord, make haste to help us!”

  This captured the great unsaid calamity of the 2020 year, which was beset by the sudden spread of the deadly Marimba flu which incapacitated countries worldwide, bringing to a halt the free movement of people and neccessitating the largest public health response ever seen in modern times. But for the fine response shewed by our fellow Erbonian men and women, and for mercy of God, it is undoubted that many more Nortchmen would have died in this terrible plague from across the seas. The thanksgiving for deliverance from plague was especially poignant, as millions remembered those who succumbed.

  Yet the solemn mood soon dissipated as after Vespers, people in every city, town and village took to the streets in revelry, bearing lanterns as fireworks were set off, bells rangs and music played. New Years’ parties and balls continued into the night, despite the early morning start to-day as Michaelmas celebrations proper begin, with parades marking the end of the harvest season across the country, and of the beginning of the civil year. The annual New Year’s ball at the Palace of St. Michael’sgate hosted by Their Majesties the King and Queen was attended by many of the Court and other distinguished subjects, as well as the 121 recipients of honours and awards in this year’s New Year’s honours list.

  The Regal Post will have in-depth reports on the major Mayoral Michaelmas Parades and celebrations across the country in tomorrow’s edition from Lendert-with-Cadell, Rhise, Limmes, Faunslaughter and King’s Rhighton, as well as the special annual Michaelmas report, this year from Gibbingham where the largest Michaelmas parade and fair in living memory will be put on by the Town. Happily, the Regal Post is able to report that no deaths or serious injuries were reported last night related to the celebrations, and only minor injuries were treated as a result of drunkedness, lantern or firework burns and other minor accidents.

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TUESDAY · OCTOBER 13 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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MIZIALAND CABINET SIDELINES LAW-ABIDING MAJORITY

  THE new Council of Ministers which has been formed in Mizialand has been criticised by the Opposition as being “minority appeasement” after the twelve-man body was announced with a make-up which grossly exaggerates the influence of minority groups in the Mizia Parliament and society.

  The leader of the Opposition Alternance 2020 Coalition, Mr. Eddy Kikkret of the Party for Democracy, said that the inclusion of six women and four blacks was a “pathetic attempt to appease” minority voters. The “forced diversity” of the Council, effectively the Mizia cabinet, fails to reflect the sexual or racial makeup of the Parliament, suggesting that many were selected by the ruling SPACIJA coalition on the basis on their sex or race.

  Mr. Vilke, the Mizia Prime-Minister appointed by the largest party in the SPACIJA coalition, the Alliance for Democracy, however asserted that the council members had been chosen for their “experience”. Several commentators have, however, pointed towards several choices for ministers by the coalition which appear less than appropriate.

  The Council controversially includes Minke Van Ophoven, who was placed under house arrest in 1999 for anti-Mizia views, and Mathijn Vliermans, a convicted criminal for conspiracy against the Mizia Government. Mr. Vliermans has been elevated to the office of Minister of Social Policy, having previously spoken out against police violence. However, he was recently criticised for supporting violence against other political groups through his violent “punch them” campaign, for which he was fined 30,000 francs. It is unclear whether this is included within the agenda which Mr. Vilke has said the members of the Council will “further”.

  The Coalition has been further plagued by its appointment of Félicie Fabre to the office of Minister of Industry, who is alleged to have sympathy with the terrorist Republican Party, which carried out fatal terrorist attacks in the late 1980s to 1990s, including the 1999 royal massacre. Mrs. Fabre, who is a divorced atheist, despite never formally joining the Party, went to several meetings before the massacre, yet her connexion to this organisation has continued to follow her throughout her career.

  On the other hand, Mr. Vilke has campaigned for “Mizialand for Mizias” and “Mizialand over others”, promoting the Alternance 2020 Coalition’s view of a self-reliant and confident Mizialand. This appears to have resounded with voters as well, with the coalition increasing its vote share by 5%, and the SPACIJA coalition losing ground. Depsite this, the SPACIJA coalition still holds the majority in the Mizia Parliament, for the time being.

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WEDNESDAY · SEPTEMBER 30 MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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LOYAL BURGESSES MAKE MICHAELMAS PARADE A SUCCESS

  OVER ten thousand people of Gibbingham lined the narrow mediæval streets of Gibbingham on Thursday to celebrate and give thanks for the last year, the harvest, and especially for the safe deliverance of the city from the deadly Marimba plague which ravaged the world and was only contained in Great Nortend by the quick and decicive actions of the King’s Clerk in declaring quarantine measures.

  The municipal parade of thanksgiving formed up outside of the town church of St. Ives immediately after the Michaelmas Mass, where the “St. Michael” was crowned with a blessed garland of wheat. The parade was begun by St. Michael, the clergy and choir of St. Ives, bearing crosses, candles, banners and icons of St. Michael. This was followed by the Band of the Gibbingham Battalion of the the 4th Foot Regiment, The Prince Andrew's Own Southannering Regiment, which bearing the solemnly blessed arms and heraldic banners of Gibbingham began the one-mile-long procession of over 500 civilian, municipal and military participants, the longest Michaelmas parade in living memory. His Majesty the King was in attendance, riding in a carriage with Her Majesty the Queen.

  Other notable participants included His Worship the Mayor of Gibbingham, Alderman Sir Samuel Jocker, the other aldermen of the borough and the town clerk, the Viscount and Viscountess of Gibbingham, guildsmen of the eight Gibbingham guilds, soldiers from the Gibbingham Battalion and the 2nd Gunners Regiment, The Aceshire and Polton Gunners, men of the Gibbingham Home Service Battalion, senior cadets of the two Gibbingham cadet companies, the band of Gibbingham School, the band and constables of the Gibbingham Constabulary and firemen of the Gibbingham Fire Brigade.

  Interspersed between these civic and military representatives were the farmers licensed to trade at the Gibbingham market, proudly driving their wagons and floats piled with the traditional symbols of the harvest magnificently erected and displayed—haystacks studded with fruit and sheaves of wheat, barley crowns, oversized fruit, a figure of St. Michael made of plaited wheat, and most arresting, a giant coat of arms of Gibbingham made entirely from the fruits of the harvest.

  The parade route completely covered the Town, lampposts were bedecked with garlands, and proudlyy displaying the town coat of arms or bearing the flag of Gibbingham and Aceshire. The crowd, tightly packed on the pavements and looking out of top windows waved flags, banners and handkerchiefs. Their lusty singing of “The Anner Banner flieth high ”, “On the Great Goss”, The Ploughman’s March, and other rousing local songs combined with the bright music of the bands lent the entire spectacle a most agreeable atmosphere. After the processession had wended its way through the entire Town to end up at the Market Square, where after a speech by His Worship, the national anthem “Rex lætabitur” was sung in the presence of His Majesty who gave a short, but most uplifting speech.

[Great Nortend]

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FRIDAY· OCTOBER 30 MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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THE KING DECRIES CORRUPTED ART
Passionate Speech at Royal College of Music Stirs All to Arts

  THEIR MAJESTIES the King and Queen visited the Royal College of Music in Palsham yesterday evening to attend a Royal Command performance of Sir Edwin Waggoner's renowned opera The Knight of the Tan, by the students of the College under the direction of the Conductor in Ordinary to His Majesty, Sir Quentin de Hemforgh. With the royal party were the King's Clerk, Sir Aaron Billings, and the Master of the Board of Schooling, Dr. Thomas Wolfuller. It was widely considered a most excellent performance. Masters and students of the College, many of whom had been on stage or in the pit, were also fortunate enough to hear from the King after Supper in the College Hall, where His Majesty gave a rousing address to all.

  Sir Quentin told the Regal Post that His Majesty had praised the students of the College for their “magnificent” performance that evening, which His Majesty considered to be one of the “most outstanding works of the Erbonian repertoire”. His Majesty particularly commended Mr. Charles Halefax for his clarity and expression in the character of the eponymous Tanrider, as well as Miss Charlotte de Whemming who played the maiden Elisabeth, for her poise and singing. However, the King dedicated the majority of his speech, which lasted for nearly twenty minutes, on the dangers facing the arts, including music, in the present day.

  His Majesty argued that foreign “corrupting” influences necessarily had to be withstood for the sake of the quality and purity of Erbonian arts and culture. “We all must recognise that it is our duty as the custodians of art for us to maintain our music and painting and sculpture to the highest standard. We must not let us to be infected with the corrupting nature of foreign artistic cultures, which exalt uncontrolled ugliness, dissonance and emptiness to the extreme detriment of beauty, balance and skill.”

  His Majesty singled out the proliferation of immoral “songs” which promoted adultery, fornication, murder, thievery and other mortal sins, enveloped in “music” of vulgar coarseness devoid of skill or indeed, art. These, he noted, were innately coupled with the acceptance of immoral behaviour and the corruption of society, both in art and in values. “If we build a beautiful society with beautiful and quality arts, we will have a nation with strong and righteous people.”

  The impassioned speech served as a unique insight into His Majesty's position on the arts. Since his accession in 2003, Alexander II had not hitherto made any such definitive statements on the arts, as opposed to his mother our late Sovereign lady of happy memory Catherine II, who was well-known for her distaste for “unbecoming art”, famously ordering that all paintings by William Charter in public galleries be seized and burnt for their “vacuous banality” and “substandard execution”. Charter, himself an avowed republican, was found guilty of fraudulently passing himself off as a “master painter” and sentenced to two years imprisonment, although granted mercy by Her Majesty and instead fined £1,000.

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WEDNESDAY · NOVEMBER 18 MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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FAUNSLAUGHTER TRIO ARRESTED

Three Men In Custody For Alleged Museum Theft

  CONSTABLES have arrested three men for the alleged theft last year of over ten thousand pounds' worth of 19th and 18th century gold and silver from the City Museum in Faunslaughter. On August 3rd, the Museum was broken into over the night, and 56 individual items, ranging from finely wrought gold jewellery to silver household ornaments were stolen from the permanent collection. The nightwatchman on duty was battered unconscious in the violent theft which was only discovered the next morning by the Under Curator, Dr. Henry Wolf.

  It was by luck that an off-duty museum guard happened to see the wife of one of the men wearing one of the stolen brooches. He followed her to her house, whereupon he rung the constabulary which quickly came and arrested the women and her husband and one of his associates who happened to be there. The other man was tracked down with assistance from the wife, who knew nothing of the theft. The three men were known to each other from their work in a foundry, and are believed to have lived in the Farecross area of Faunslaughter. Most of the stolen items were later recovered by police from premises controlled by the men, although several are still outstanding, including a pair of rare electrum candlabra.

Lieutenant-Governour of Hastica Dies

  SIR Henry de Eable, 8th Bart., the 26th Lieutenant-Governour of Hastica, died yesterday evening at the age of 67. The cause of death has not been publicly released; however, the Regal Post understands that there are no suspicious circumstances surrounding His Lordship's passing. His Majesty the King has sent a telegramme of condolences to Lady Eable and Sir Eable's three children, George, 9th Bart., Henry (junior) and Elisabeth. As Lieutenant-Governour, Sir Eable will be entitled to a state funeral in Saint Parth. Details have yet to been released, but it is understood that His Majesty will be represented by Their Royal Highnesses the Duke and Duchess of Faunslaughter. The Archdeacon of Saint Parth, the Rev'd Mr. Michael Everard, will act as Viceroy until the appointment of a new Lieutenant-Governour.

Woman Protests Against Birth Laws

  A WOMAN from Rhise has made a public protest against what she claims are “oppressive” laws restricting her ability to give birth. Ursula Tranter, 32, is unmarried. She suffers from cystic fibrosis of the pancreas, an often-fatal disease that is passed to offspring through genes. As a result, by operation of the Preservation of Blood Purity Act passed in 1950, Miss Tranter is restricted from giving birth to children, as part of a Government policy of reducing the prevalence of genetic diseases in the population. This Act has resulted in a reduction in the prevalence of the disease from one in 25 persons carrying the genes for the disease in 1965, to only one in 30 in 2015.

  Miss Tranter's public letter was published in three newspapers printed in Rhise and has engendered much public debate on the matter. It claims that she was “forced” to voluntarily commit herself to chastity or risk being forcibly sterilised or fined thousands of pounds. However, according to Miss Tranter, she says that she has the “human right to give birth” notwithstanding the fact that suffering from cystic fibrosis, she will pass on one copy of her defective gene to her child, increasing the chance that the child will develop cystic fibrosis. She also asserts that it is “oppressive” that she may be forced to take abortifacients if it is discovered that she is pregnant before the foetus is formed. A spokesman from the Board of Health told the Regal Post that a woman with cystic fibrosis is considered a “high risk transmitter” and thus restricted from procreation under s III of the Act.

[Great Nortend]

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WEDNESDAY · DECEMBER 2 MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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LORD TREASURER HAILS RETURNS

  THE Lord High Treasurer has reported a 5·2 per cent increase in agricultural returns as the Government prepares the Budget for the financial year to beginning this Lady Day. Sir Spencer de Stornton told the House of Lords that increase, mainly represented in wheat, barley and hard fruits, was unexpected. Experts have attributed the bumper crop to long periods of mild weather during the harvest period, conducive to a good harvest. The resulting increased Exchequer revenues will undoubtedly be well-received by the Treasury and Government, which has been in recent years breaking only just in surplus whilst still maintaining a broad programme of public works and funding. The Lord Chancellour has hinted that the long-mooted Treasury-funded church improvement programme may be finally begun; however, no firm details were announced at the time of going to print.

G.N.C.R. Under Fire for Unsafe Carriages

 
  The Great North and Central Railway has apologised after a man fell out of a moving train carriage on Monday owing to a worn door latch which failed to close properly. Henry Kisser, 43, sustained a broken arm and lacerations two miles north from Mast on the Downingham line. Mr. Kisser narrowly missed more serious injury or even death after he fell several feet onto the empty ballast from a busy evening peak-hour train. He had been pushed against the door owing to the crowded compartment. John Ford, a spokesman for the Company said that it deeply regretted the incident and that it had taken immediate action to inspect all railway carriages for similar defects. Mr. Ford said that Mr. Kisser had been offered compensation and an annual pass for use on any of its services. Mr. Kisser, a hatter, told the Regal Post that he was grateful for the Company's immediate response to the incident, as well as for his sturdy hat which he says protected him from more serious head injury. The Railway Inspectorate has opened an investigation into the incident.

Christmas Gifts Paid for By Generous Benefactor

  Over £3,000 worth of Christmas gifts have been paid for in advance by an anonymous Dershire benefactor. The Derham Guildhall received details last week of the offer by the gentleman to distribute around £20 to each of the approximately 150 toy shops in the county, to be used to pay for gifts for lower class children up to the value of five shillings per gift. The gentleman did not wish for his name to be published; however, the Regal Post understands that he is a prominent member of the local gentry. It will be up to individual shopkeepers to assess whether or not to grant parents the five shilling vouchers, to record details, and to remit them back to their local guildhall to ensure that the money is distributed only to those in genuine need. The generous early Christmas gift to the county has been matched by a smaller donation by the Guild of Joiners in Gibbingham, although details are yet to be fully released.

[Great Nortend]

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THURSDAY· DECEMBER 3 MMXX · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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CIVIL CASES PLAGUED WITH DELAYS

Lord Chancellour Moots Royal Commission

  THE Lord High Chancellour has mooted a Royal Commission into civil actions in the chamber courts after his Lordship’s report highlighted several key deficiencies in the judicial system. This, the first Chancery Report since the 2004 Chancery Report ordered upon the accession of His Majesty, laid bare the slow speed at the which cases in the Court of Common Chamber progress.

  The time between purchase of a writ from the Chancery and final judgment inrolled on the Court Rolls is upon average almost three years for actions in personam and more than six years for actions in rem. Much of the delay has been attributed to the inability for the only fourteen puisne justices commissioned to the Court to hear all matters speedily during their short term sitting diem juridici whilst still going on eyre through the year.

  There is also a great delay or at least expense occasioned by the yards of literal red tape required for writs, declarations, pleas, replications, rejoinders, surrejoinders, rebutters and surrebutters, all of which must be hand-written in ink on parchment by specialist court scriveners and served or lodged in person on week-days not being one of the eighty-four church feasts of semi-double rank and above, to all of which not insubstantial fees to court officials are payable.

  In the House of Lords yesterday the Lord Chancellour acknowledged that more needed to be done to speed up the progress of cases in the Common Chamber. His Lordship noted that though most civil cases were decided at first instance at sessions or at the courts of Eyre, the most important cases with the highest stakes were always appealed to the courts at Lerdenstone.

  Undoubtedly, the uncertainty which years of such appeals cause is undesirable, his Lordship said to general agreement, stating that the matter had been raised in Cabinet and that a formal inquiry “such as a Royal Commission” would be the likely next step. The Baron of Milestham expressed his agreement with his Lordship’s proposal, referring to his own experience of the recent case Pirron v. Edgarden by Justice Sir St. John who finally gave judgement more than sixteen years since Mr. Edgarden, a tenant of Lord Milestham, first purchased the writ of præcipe quod reddat from Chancery.

  It is unlikely that any sweeping changes to administrative legal procedure would be entertained by the legal profession or courts, which have long upheld the necessity of their traditional practices as being almost liturgical formulæ. More likely will be the commissioned of more puisne justices to the Common Chamber, which currently only has fourteen justices to hear over 3,000 cases annually, other than the Lord Justice who only hears appeal cases. Comparable courts in other jurisdiction have double or treble the number of judges hearing the same number of cases.

  There have also been suggestions to commission a separate list of judges to hear cases on eyre, rather than the existing practice of commissioning chamber justices to leave Lendert and go on eyre. This would, however, upend several centuries of practice, and risks reducing the authoritative effect of eyre decisions as precedent, should less qualified judges be appointed to go on eyre.

  Ultimately, a Royal Commission will be best equipped to inquire into the existing system’s faults and to formulate a response that considers all matters and points of view. They are, however, not without their biases. Though the Government is yet to formally confirm that a Royal Commission will be commissioned, several names are already being discussed as potential commissioners, including several Lord Justices themselves.

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CHILDERMAS · MONDAY · DECEMBER 28 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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BISHOP RULES NO ALTAR GIRLS

  THE Bishop of Keys has chastised a parson who permitted a girl to wear a frock and albe to serve at masses for a “flagrant breach” of canon law. The Rt. Rev'd. Dr. Joseph Everard sternly rebuked the parson of the parish of St. James's Lockfell after His Lordship's Chancellour's judgment was yesterday delivered upon a petition by the churchwardens and vestry of the parish. The Rev'd Mr. Swann, the said parson, submitted by his advocate that it was lawful for a girl to serve at masses, citing ancient practice. However, the Chancellour, Mr. Justice Dr. Woodley referred to Pope Innocent VI's letter Sub catholicae professione where His Lordship said, “Mulieres autem servire ad altare non audeant, sed ab illius ministerio repellantur omnino.” Furthermore, post-Schism canons reaffirmed the prohibition of women serving at the altar. Dr. Woodley said that “just as woman deacons, priests and bishops cannot be countenanced, women are forbidden to become clerks.” His Lordship did not address the question of whether it would be theoretically possible for a woman to take up the ministry of a clerk or deacon or even priest, which current canons prohibit.

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THURSDAY· JANUARY 7 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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BRINGING A TEAR TO COLD EYES

By His Excellency Sir M. L. Sandown, K. M. T., C. H.

  I HAVE for the past nine-and-a-half years been resident in Carigrad in the role of His Majesty’s Ambassadour Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary to His Nicolian Majesty’s Court, for which I am truly honoured to have served. Nicolia is one of our good allies, exemplified by the propitiously blessed marriage of our King to Catarina of Nicolia. Its cities and town are full of charm, its countryside vast and its people friendly.

  However, for all that the which Nicolia has to offer, as I alighted the carriage outside my little house in a tiny Swent village, I felt a great pleasure alight itself upon me. A patrol of cadet boys were marching down the street returning from a week-end away in the nearby countryside. They carried their haversacks and banners with ease and sang lustily those delightful songs of our nation. I greeted the boys. The leader of the patrol, a young man in fact around 16 years of age, looked up and crisply saluted. “Good afternoon Messire! Welcome back!” I was amazed.

  At Vespers that evening, our village sang beautifully. Though our embassy in Carigrad is commendable for their devotion, it was not considered feasible to conduct special Cardican services when the Nicolian churches offered services recognised by our Church. But at our little church of Sts. Crispin and Crispinian, it seemed the entire village had been practising their entire lives to welcome me home. Those familiar chaunts sang by familiar neighbours filled my heart and shewed forth out of my mouth. The Holy Ghost descended down upon me and God was with me then at that very moment.

  I had not realised how homesick I had become over my decade abroad. It may surprise readers to learn that is not the custom for ambassadours to return to Great Nortend regularly. Perhaps this is for the sake of ensuring a constant presence abroad, or to avoid the need to present new credentials. Perhaps, however, it is to reward returning envoys with that feeling of elation I experienced on my return to these soils upon which I was born and shall die, ever a Nortchman and one of His Majesty’s loyal servants.