Regal Post · Bills set to „tumble” in electricty shake-up

[Great Nortend]

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WEDNESDAY · JANUARY 12 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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BILLINGS ISSUES „CIVIC BRIGHTENING PLAN” ORDER

  ON Tuesday morning, the King's Clerk issued a Warrant under the Privy Seal in the first step to implementing the Government's „Civic Brightening Plan” for the improvement of the physical appearance and condition of our towns and villages. The Government has always emphasised the importance of the civic environment to the civic health of the nation. At the height of the Marimba plague, our Lord Treasurer Sir Spencer de Stornton stressed the importance of „clean and tidy streets and public spaces” to maintaining public morale and happiness in trying times. Under the government led by the Duke of Limmes in 2018, the Board of Trade began the upgrading of over 500 miles of public highways across the nation as a concerted nation-building effort.

  The Programme was developed in conjunction with the Public Works Office and the Board of Touring under the oversight of the King's Clerk Sir Aaron Billings. It entails the general improvement of the appearance of public environments, including imposing responsibility on all residents for the condition of their localities. Unlike previous exhortatory policies and schemes, the Decree empowers and commands all vestries and councils to exact amercement “not exceeding twenty shillings” for acts or omissions contrary to the Civic Brightening Plan Guidelines which shall be issued from time to time by the Clerk's Office. The present copy thereof which has been issued to all local authorities and seen by the Regal Post expressly forbids littering „which is the antithesis of the responsible society”, the emitting of „unreasonable” smoke or fumes, as well as the failure to keep vehicles and animals in an „attractive” state, amongst other sundry infractions.

  Another key component to the Programme is the introduction of financial incentives for householders who take proactive steps to engage in this civic service. According to the Policies, householders will be entitled to deduct certain amounts from their annual tithe rates used to pay for visual or aesthetic improvements to their properties. These include incentives for repainting or limewashing faded or dulled finishes, exposing half-timbered fill-work, cleaning and weeding thatched roofs, and replacing broken decorative woodwork, terra-cotta &c. Local authorities themselves are entitled to grants from the Treasury for their own efforts in maintaining public amenities. Furthermore, they are enjoined to take appropriate measures against signage, advertisements, billboards and the like, which, as the Policy notes, often spoil the tidiness of a high street in the „pursuit of profit or convenience”.

Programme Policy Focusses On Gardening

  An entire section in the Policy is dedicated to the Government's guidelines on „civic gardening”, both public and private. It appears the Government is particularly keen to promote the existing laudable horticultural customs of many residents, offering cash grants for the planting of gardens or flowerboxes. Local authorities are ordered to brighten up public places by creating and planting flower beds, hanging baskets and window boxes with local flowers and foliage, according to the season, and to provide households with advice on suitable local flowers to plant. The Government expressed hopes that more public-minded individuals will volunteer their free time in maintaining gardens and plantings, as well as general public cleanliness. It also pointed out that the Programme would create new positions for apprentice gardeners and groundsmen and the unemployed, as well as allowing cripples and pensioners the opportunity to give back to their communities.

  There have been some concerns raised by members of the public and local authorities over the Programme's possible impact on parish budgets. The Clerk's Office responded to this matter saying that it expects that „minds will be set at ease after a full perusal of the Plan booklet”, which is 42 pages long and provides for the levying of a minimal „Civic Brightening Levy” on certain ratepayers of means. By Tuesday afternoon many villages and towns had already announced forthcoming public meetings to discuss the Programme and its implementation in each community. This speedy reaction promises that all Nortchmen will be quickly seized of the importance of this Government initiative in the further strengthening of civic and national pride in our Fatherland.

[Great Nortend]

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EASTER TUESDAY · APRIL 6 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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GOOD FRIDAY COLLECT DRAWS IRE OF JEWS

  VARIOUS Jewish rabbins across the country have renewed calls for the Good Friday bidding and collect for the conversion of the Jews to be altered or abolished. The rabbin of the New Synagogue, the largest synagogue in Great Nortend, Mr. Nathan Lyon, officially launched a nation-wide petition to the Archbishop of Sulthey on Good Friday which claims that the solemn prayer for the Jews, prayed at Mass on Good Friday, is offensive and anti-Semitic.

  Mr. Lyon, speaking on behalf of the Erbonian College of Rabbins, said that the collect, which is believed to date to the 7th century, both „places collective blame upon the entire Jewish population, now and then” and „prays for the conversion of the Jewish community to Christianity”. This, the petition states, reflects „harmful anti-Semitic myths” which have led to the unjust persecution of Jewish people throughout history. The petition also objects to the use of the word „faithless” to describe the Jews on the grounds that it is offensive.

  A spokesman for the Chancery of Rites, which issues the official texts of the Book of Offices, said on Easter Even that, „[the] Church condemns unjust persecution of the Jews and truly seeks their conversion to the one true Catholic and Apostolic church.” The form of the bidding and collect as found in the Book of Offices is as follows :—

„Let us pray also for the faithless Jews : that Almighty God may take away the veil from their hearts, that they too may acknowledge Jesus Christ our Lord.

„Almighty and everlasting God, who forcastest not from thy mercy even the faithless Jews : have mercy on that stiff-necked people and take from them all blindness, hardness of heart and contempt of thy Word, that acknowledging the Truth, which is Christ whom they condemned to death on the cross, they may be delivered from their darkness and saved among the remnant of the true Israelites. Through the same. &c. Amen.”

  The College of Rabbins on Easter Day, in response to the statement from the Chancery of Rites, referenced changes to the Good Friday collect in other liturgies around the world, including the Roman prayer, which now lacks any mention of conversion, blindness or collective responsibility for the death of Christ. It is unclear whether the Church of Rome still seeks the conversion of the Jews; however the spokesman for the Church of Nortend stated that „[the Church] considers [their conversion] an important mission and will not be changing the form of the bidding and collect”.

[Great Nortend]

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WHIT TUESDAY · MAY 25 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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MARSET CLAIMS THE COCK AND BROOCH

  WILLIAM Marset of Great Closshew was proclaimed the champion of the Royal Tournament yesterday after winning in the final duel against three-time champion and favourite Sir Edmund de Stetter with a close score of 25 to the latter’s 24, following jousts of 2–4, 10–0, 5–5, 4–3 and 0–10 and 5–1.

  Stetter, liveried in the golden cannonball of his lord the Earl of Alsby, claimed the first joust neatly shattering his lance against Marset in his own livery who only managed a touch on the arm. Despite this early good start for Stetter, Marset regained his composure and incredibly managed to unhorse Stetter in the next joust, striking precisely in the centre of the shield. Walking out to be checked for injuries, Stetter remounted his horse within nine minutes. A simultaneous shatter of the lances for both Stetter and Marset resulted in a tie in the next joust, before Stetter managed to turn the tables by unhorsing Marset with a well-aimed „topper” strike. With the scores 23 to 22 in favour of Stetter, the duel could go either way in the last joust. Unfortunately for Stetter, his horse bolted slightly late, resulting in a spectacular breaking of the lance for Marset, followed by Stetter’s touch almost instantly later.

  This was the first time that the now Sir William de Marset had won the Royal Tournament, having placed fifth three years’ ago. Earlier on Whit Monday, Marset had much performed better than expected, knocking out past champion Sir George van Kessel of Nordenstate 22 to 16. There was despair among the official bookmakers at Sir Marset's win, as odds had been 14 to 1 for his being declared champion at the start of the Royal Tournament on Whit Monday. It is believe that over £8,000 will be paid out by Mssrs. Johnson, Cobbler and Key alone. The King expressed his congratulations to Sir Marset after His Majesty dubbed the champion and invested him with the sword, spurs and girdle, and presented him with the traditional prize of the Golden Peacock and the Queen's Brooch, crafted by Mr. Richard Hacket, the King's Jeweller.

[Great Nortend]

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PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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S P O R T S   A N D   G A M E S

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SPENSER-WHITE LEADS HIS TEAM TO FOOTBALL FINALS

  GREAT Nortend has reached the grand Final of the Astyrian Cup of Nations for the first time in history. Even if Great Nortend do not win against the seasoned Scottopian Isles team, the premiership team of 2020, simply leading the Nortish XIs into the stadium in Bratislav will be the culmination of a twelve-year-long career for Mr. Miles Spenser-White, the long-time Captain of the national football team and star player of the Royal Causildon Football Club as he plans to retire from the game at the age of 35.

  An amazing 3 to 2 win against the Blackhelm Confederacy cemented the seemingly unstoppable rise from mediocre insular team to international football stars this year, from the first 5 to 3 win against the joint host Berique, 3 to 1 win against Arimathea and a 2 to nil win against Kelonna. A gripping 4 to 3 win against Monsa in overtime sealed Great Nortend's place in the Quarter Finals, before a narrow 2 to 1 win against the San Joaquin Valley propelled the red-and-swart-hooped guernsey to hitherto never-trodden realms.

  Dunham-Green, kicking the last goal in the last quarter of the Semi-Final match stoked the hearts of the nigh 1,000-strong Nortish contingent at the game, which swelled with national pride and fervour as the gangly low-denomination defenders Copping and Farthing managed to head off any attempts by Blackhelm to level the score, ably assisted by the goalkeeper Sextant. A last-minute shock attack by our midfielder Oldgate was successfully defended by the burly Blackhelm goalkeeper, but the die was cast and Great Nortend would be heading to Slovertia for the long-dreamt-for grand Final match.

„Who shall stand against us?”

  Lord Bath-Hellborough, the sometimes manager of the team, fronted the reporters after the match beaming from ear to ear. His Lordship joked that, „This will be surely enough excitement to last us for the coming decade.” He said that he was very proud of all players on the nineteen-strong team, and that their continued diligence and discipline would be essential if Great Nortend were to have a chance of beating the Scottopian Isles. Mr. Spenser-White praised his teammates and said that „Whilst Great Nortend plays in leather boots and woollen guernseys, we still know how to kick a ball! I know my Team and I will do all that we can to bring glory to His Majesty's fair kingdom,” before ending with the first line of the team song, „Yea, when our feet shall strike, who shall stand against us?”

  With the nation gripped by the live radio and cinema broadcasts of the game against Blackhelm, ticket sales opened immediately after the win was declared. Around 14,000 tickets have been specially allocated to the Nortish Association Football League for seats in the National Stadium, and it is expected that all will be sold out by tonight for the game in Bratislav on Saturday evening, with kick-off scheduled for 5 p. m. local time. Fans desiring to buy a ticket are warned to purchase only through an accredited agent of the League, as other tickets may not be honoured.

[Great Nortend]

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PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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S P O R T S   A N D   G A M E S

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NORTISH TEAM HOLD HEADS HIGH HOMEWARDS

Amateur Nortchmen Give Scottopian Professionals a Run for their Money.

  DESPITE their best efforts, the Nortish national football team was unable to stand in victory on Saturday, losing 1 to 4 against Scottopian Isles in the game of the century that should never have been. Our lads overcame the hurdles to place in the Astyrian Semi Finals for the first time in history, only to astonish the world and claim a place in the Grand Finals. However, the 2020 premier team of the Scottopian Isles proved to be the worthier side, easily holding their position notwithstanding able performances from the Red-and-Swarts.

  The Captain of the Team, Mr. Miles Spencer-White, who announced his retirement before the Grand Final on Friday, was resigned to the knowledge that he would not lead Erbonia to her first victory. However, Mr. Spencer-White emphasised that it was a great privilege to have been able to lead the team to their first grand final game, even one where victory seemed impossible. There was a brief glimmer of hope late in the first half, when 27-year-old Pike hooked a goal to level the score 1 to 1. However, this was soon dashed as the Nortish defence let in the second, the third and utterly the fourth goal. Nortend maintained her position in the latter part of the second half, mainly owing to the efforts of midfielders Baker, Eastman and Gilford, but by then the die was cast.

  The mood of the Nortish contingent in Bratislav, unexpectedly, was nonetheless jubilant, and the stirring strains of „Yea, when our feet shall strike” sounded through the night air as Scottopian fans triumphed in their expected victory. The team manager and the Chairman of the Association Football League, Lord Bath-Hellborough, congratulated the Scottopian team on their „much deserved” win. „Clearly we still have much to improve upon, and in my eyes from the box at least, I can say that the Bluebirds played beautifully. But we will be back, and thus so before the world knoweth, mark my words.”

  Even if they were not winners in Bratislav this time, the 19-strong Nortish team will receive a festal welcome upon their arrival back at home. The Board of Sports has announced that Mr. Spenser-White, brother of the well-known stinning player Richard Spenser-White, will become a Companion of the Order of the Horn. Lord Bath-Hellborough thanked Mr. Spenser-White for his long-time service to the game and the national team, in addition to his duties with the Royal Causildon Football Club. „As an amateur league, we rely on the dedication of our players to survive and thrive, and under the leadership of our good friend Miles Spenser-White, every man can see that the Association Football league has not only survived, but thriven.”

[Great Nortend]

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TUESDAY · SEPTEMBER 7 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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HANDICAPS „CAN BE ELIMINATED” SAY PHYSICIANS BUT BISHOPS CONDEMN

  WHEN it comes to abortion, general public sentiment has consistently held it to be a grave wrong in the vast majority of cases. We can find little sympathy among the living for those who, for reasons of domestic inconvenience, shame, or wherewithal decide to end the life of another by her own will. Erbonian law since the Middle Ages has maintained the procuration of a miscarriage to be a guilty act. The judgment given in Bothage’s Case in 1523 by Mr. Justice Greetham of the King’s Chamber settled the tripartite classification of the law, though it is a mere restatement of more ancient precedent and canon law. We are on firm ground when we state that an abortion before formation is a trespass against the mother and father jointly and severally, a misdemeanour before quickening, and a felony thereafter.

  There are various mooted or extant exceptions to the simple rule in Bothage’s Case. It has been widely held that it is a full defence if one induced an abortion to save the life of the mother, even in an action of trespass by the mother herself, as in Stout v. Weaver. The case of R. v. Ethelman in 1800 decided that there is no exception to the rule in the case of a pregnancy incurred through rape even before quickening. However, only twelve years afterwards, in R. v. Swiss, Lord Justice Euston found an exception to the rule in the case of incestuous rape, finding that it was a full defence against the charge of misdemeanour for Mr. Swiss to plead that he acted lawfully in procuring before quickening a miscarriage in his young daughter, who had been raped by her cousin. His Lordship’s ratio decidendi was founded on the danger to the girl’s health should she be forced to carry the foetus to full term owing to the prima facie assumption of a „monstrous” foetus.

  This apparent presumption of the law was reversed in the 1925 judgment in Alarickson v. Alarickson when Miss Alarickson sued her father Mr. Alarickson for procuring her a miscarriage involuntarily, termining her child conceived by her brother, Geoffrey Alarickson. In the Court of Counsellours, the majority agreed that it was „a gross fiction” to apply the reasoning in Swiss generally as a presumption for all incestuous pregnancies, since nearly all incestuous pregnancies do not result in monstrous births. Rather, in an action in trespass against the defendant, the defendant must prove beyond the weight of common doubt that the foetus was monstrous to be acquitted. Of course, at this time, it was not possible to ascertain beyond the weight of common doubt whether a foetus was in fact monstrous, and thus Mr. Alarickson was found guilty of trespass. It seemed probable that such a defence would also be effective against manslaughter abortion before quickening, though afterwards, animation would effectively prove against the monstrosity of the foetus.

  Things have changed rapidly since those days in the early 20th century. It is now possible by mankind’s advancement of knowledge to test for foetal monstrosities and abnormalities before birth, and even before quickening. However, the growing realisation that „monsters” are not changelings or non-human creatures, but merely improperly formed foetuses has effectively continued to prevent the abortion of such monsters. Nonetheless, since the Public Health Act of 1945, the Government has sanctioned pre-conception „eugenics”, by voluntary financial measures to prevent the conception of foetuses likely to be afflicted with genetic diseases, either owing to hereditary transmission or by environmental factors such as age of the mother, radiation exposure or cancers. In serious cases, carriers of genes for severe diseases may choose to be sterilised. It is notable that the understanding has shifted from severally malformed creatures entitled „monsters”, to those with severe physical or mental abnormalities, who are nonetheless fully human and thus ensouled upon formation of the foetus.

  However, these worthy proactive measures can only reduce the chance of disease. A severely diseased foetus once formed cannot be aborted for the same reason. A foetus detected to have Down’s syndrome can no more be aborted lawfully than any other healthy, Nortish child. This terribly disease afflicts more than 400 newborn children annually, or around 1 in 666 live births. Other injurious diseases afflict thousands of other children. Perhaps the majority of such children are cared for by their family. Others are looked after at religious colleges or convents where the regularity and slowness of life is often a source of comfort. Nonetheless, most do not live to a very great age and suffer from other resulting physical illnesses and distress. Furthermore, the births of such children are often devastating for families, especially when it afflicts the heir or scion of a great house.

  The burden of raising such unproductive members of society has also been questioned by some more radical utilitarians. Some prominent physicians have advocated for the legalisation of the abortion of such foetuses before quickening, when the latest tests can accurately determine affliction with a high certainty. It is argued that the moral guilty of terminating a human’s life is outweighed by the benefits such an abortion would confer on both society, being relieved of a burden, and on the child, who would not suffer through a purposeless existence. It is argued that as legal personality does not attach unconditionally to a foetus in ventre matris until his birth, no person is injured by the death of a foetus.

  However, these suggestions have been almost universally rejected by the Government. The Lord High Almoner flatly rejected the legalisation of abortion based on the characteristics of the child, stating that „such cruelty is no better than the barbaric practice of exposing unwanted infants until they succumb to the elements”. He pointed to the ways the Government assists families burdened with such children, including „the option of sending children to communities adapted to their needs”.

  The Lord Chief Justice of King’s Chamber, Lord Willet, said that “personality de jure is not the same as personality de facto. A husband and wife are one person at law in couverture, but it is not the law that a husband should be hanged for his wife’s sins, or vice versa mutatis mutandis, although he may be liable for the wife’s trespass. The personhood of a dumb man is bound in right to his guardian, but he alone is a person de facto, capable of suffering life and death. On the other hand, a corporation being a person de jure, is not a person de facto, and incapable of life or death. Thus, similiter, a formed foetus in ventre matris, though not a person de jure apart from his mother, is a person de facto.”

  The bishops of the Church also issued a rare joint decree against the proposition that it was better for one to die than to be born with a severe genetic illness, citing Aquinas and other reputed divines. „This saying must be utterly rejected and condemned”, their Lordships said, „for every formed body, whether malformed or well formed, hath a human soul capable of the salvation won by the death and resurrection of Christ Jesus.” Their Lordships added that „[o]ur condemnation of this proposition in no way condemns the worthy means whereby our brother bishop His Majesty’s Lord High Almoner hath soughten to promote the health of all men”.

Having such robust opposition to their proposal from the most respected persons, there can be little doubt that the Government’s approach to dealing with such children cannot countenance the allowance of their abortion in ventris, which is an extreme sentence of death for the „crime” of diseased genes. Perhaps in the future, if advances in human knowledge may allow for identification of disease prior to formation, an argument may be made that it would be allowable to prevent the development of the foetus entirely, for a mere animal soul has no human soul. However, at the present time, it would be advisable for these medical worthies to spend their time caring for the handicapped quick and not proposing means for their death

[Great Nortend]

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TUESDAY · SEPTEMBER 14 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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STORNTON MOVES TO HOLD COALITION IN POWER

  THE Lord High Treasurer Sir Spencer de Stornton announced to Scodelier and Conservative party members yesterday evening that the Cabinet was making plans for a long term Coalition government, according to several sources. Sir and Lady Stornton were joined at the formal evening party by other members of Parliament and Council, party and government officials, donors and stalwarts and their wives, including the former Lord Treasurer the Duke of Limmes who was the highest ranking guest that night.

  The Company of Scodeliers and the Conservative Party have controlled the Cabinet and ministry for over five and sixty years since 1940, excepting the combined fourteen years of the Chesvoir and Davies Drougher ministries precipitated by the death of George II and the Lord Treasurer, the Duke of Fivewells, respectively.

  Sir Stornton, aged 31 this year, reportedly impressed on the audience of the need to ensure the „lively” spirit of the 20th century was not lost as the nationalist conservative political orthodoxy entered its second century. His Lordship addressed the hot topic of the lack of difference between the Droughers and the Coalition, and spoke in favour of a clearer statement of what the Conservatives and Scodeliers believe, declaring, „We believe in the inborn right of all Nortchmen, now and for ever, to live in a Nortish commonship of measured plenty, ordered freedom and peaceful safety.”

  The former Comptroller of the Exchequer signalled that nonetheless, the party would limit attacks on the Droughers „for the benefit of the nation’s political stability”. Sir Stornton declared that he would obviously prefer a „democratic nationalist” Droughe party led by Lord Stavenson over a Drougher party which shifted its approach towards a foreign position more in favour of the „Marxist evils” of „internationalism” and libertarianism, which would „potentially do irreparable damage to the Great Nortend we hold and love”.

  Sir Stornton outlined broad approaches the Government would be taking in the next few months to increase its appeal to voters, including potential reforms of public alms and a more balanced relationship between masters and workers, both aimed at increasing voteshare amongst the working classes. His Lordship pointed to the eagerness with which many in poorer neighbourhoods had embraced their duties of Civic Brightening, with many previously dark and dingy streets and courtyards cleaned and brightened with flowers, leafage and new paintwork facilitated under the programme.

  Unmarried women would also be a focus, with the Government concerned that the perennial lack of funding and attention towards their education and employment would reduce their vote with the awareness of internationalist theories on women’s rights spreading rapidly through the country. Hitherto, Sir Stornton said, „we have pointed to the benefits of a male-dominated industrial workforce which women naturally desire not to join”.

  However, His Lordship mooted that greater support was needed for unmarried women, to emphasise that the Government did not hold to their „inferiority” to men in the slightest, and that, in addition to marriage to join with their husbands to begin their greatest duty to the Fatherland and mankind, the Government would enthusiastically support their employment in all reasonable occupations and pursuits of life.

  With an election only next year in 2022, this focus on reform of the stagnant political life is a sure sign that the Lord Treasurer is not shrinking away from cementing his place in Lerdenstone. Indeed, with both His Majesty and Sir Stornton in the first half of life, the Lord Treasurer would be capable of remaining in the position for two decades or more, potentially surpassing the Lord de Foide-Huston as the longest serving Lord Treasurer. Provided, of course, he maintains the confidence of the King, Parliament, Party and people at the ballot.

[Great Nortend]

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SS. MAURICE & COMPANIONS · WEDNESDAY · SEPTEMBER 22 MMXXI · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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FIELDS OF DWARF WHEAT PLOUGHED UP

  CROWN inspectors from the Board of Farming have ordered twelve acres of short-stemmed wheat growing in St. Anne, Dershire, to be ploughed up after determining that the variety of wheat being grown contravened 1960s regulations passed under the Farming Practices Act. Mr. Honeyman, the farmer, said that he had been growing the foreign-developed wheat variety, called „Firefly”, for several years hitherto without any great complaint. However, a spokesman from the Board of Farming told the Regal Post that growing the Firefly wheat was forbidden as a „danger to the land”, which could threaten the traditional dominance of Nortish wheat varieties, which usually grow to around five to six feet in height. The breed of wheat is a dwarf variety, which grows to only around three feet in height. „The KWS Firefly variety of wheat has not been approved by the Board of Farming as a permissible alien breed owing inter alia to its deformed dwarf nature of growth.”

  Mr. Honeyman said that while he now understood the reason for the law and respected the need for the government to ensure the integrity of Nortish farming, he thought it was an „overreaction” to force the destruction of the entire crop so close to harvest-time. „Why not let the wheat be harvested, and simply forbid me planting any more? I am happy to pay the fine, but the waste of God’s bounty is unnecessary.” The Board replied in a statement saying, „Upon their discovery, inspectors followed the standard procedures to secure and destroy fields of the unauthorised alien breed of wheat. The husbandman bower was fined £60.” Mr. Honeyman also now faces proceedings in the manor court for growing unauthorised crops, which could see him losing his rights of bowerage to farm the common land.

[Reino do Brazil]

Palácio de São Vicente

It is with the most consternation that The Palace of Saint Vincent wishes to inform the public and press of the passing of The late King John II during the night in his sleep. Further information will be provided in due time by the HM Government.

Francisco Homem de Figueiredo, The Master of the Royal Household

[Great Nortend]

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TUESDAY · OCTOBER 12 MMXXII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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KING GRANTS CHAPELRY STIPENDS

  FIVE and twenty rural chapelries have resident ministers for the first time in more than ten years thanks to the generous yearly gift of £12,000 from the King. The hamlets of Greater Treedle, Little Treedle, Fowerell, Osstough, Colly-over-Liddon, Pessthorp, Algarden, Eddrip, Northewstan, Cockshouse, Woulden, Netherhollycop, Benbeck, Faneholt, Hartscop, Bostlingsham, Wagthorp Green, Stropplay, Redmoor Mardle, East Lalland, Thomasmill, Nomanstreet, Southfores and Little Nimbing had been without a chaplain for up to eighteen years in the case of Greater Treedle.

  It is understood that the incumbents of the parishes to which these chaplries are subordinate were unable to pay for suitable priests owing to the small income of the tithes. Mrs. Bunn who has lived in the small hamlet of Osstough for her entire life, told the Regal Post that the last time there had been a chaplain had been in 2008. Since his death, divine service at the chapel has consisted of only Mattins and Vespers on Sundays led by the lord’s steward, the congregation of 64 making the six mile journey to Croop only on the great festivals.

  „Whiles we are sore grateful for Mr. Fanger [the steward] coming every week to lead Oughten and Evensong, it will be good to have a chaplain in orders to say the mass and divine service again every day”, she said. A spokesman for the Government said that „His Majesty was informed of the situation where some chapelries have not ministers, and with the advice of his Bishops and Ministers is pleased to grant a stipend for the maintenance of ministers in twenty-five chapelries until such time as such stipend shall no longer be needed.”

  The new chaplains are mostly newly ordained priests and will be required to sing a mass for the King monthly, and an annual Requiem mass for the late Queen Catherine the Second. In addition to their responsibilities of daily divine service, they will be given some pastoral responsibilities, although responsibility for the cure of souls and administration will remain with the parish curate.

KING JOHN II OF BRASIL DEAD

  THE Palace of Saint Vincent has announced the death of King John the Second of Reino do Brasil last Saturday during the night. The Master of the Royal Household, M. Francisco Homem de Figueiredo, made the announcement early on Sunday; however, no further details have since emerged. The late King John was king of Reino do Brasil until his death. His Majesty the King is believed to have sent his condolences to King John's heir, His Brazilian Royal Highness, Prince Alberto, who is yet to make any announcement.

[Great Nortend]

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THURSDAY · NOVEMBER 18 MMXXII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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AMBULANCEMAN HONOURED BY THE KING

  AT a court lever yesterday afternoon, Mr. Frederic Swalley, an ambulanceman from Bourcester, was presented by the Mayor of Bourcester to His Majesty the King in recognition for Mr. Swalley’s bravery when attending a call in August earlier this year. Mr. Swalley rushed into the burning house to rescue the tenant thereof, a Mr. Upton, and his dumb daughter from the flames. In so doing, Mr. Swalley suffered burns to his skin and airways. Had Mr. Swalley not risked his own life, it is certain that Mr. Upton and his daughter would have both perished in the fire, for the fire engine did not arrive for several minutes yet, during which time the house collapsed with flames.

  His Majesty bestowed upon Mr. Swalley the Bravery Medal, cited for „outstanding Christian Bravery in Service risking life to save another’s”. The King said that Mr. Swalley’s actions embodied the doughty selflessness the country needed for the greater good. Mr. Swalley said that he was humbled and honoured to receive the medal and £1,000 reward from His Majesty.

[Great Nortend]

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FRIDAY · NOVEMBER 19 MMXXII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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DROUGHERS FACE YEARS IN POLITICAL DESERT

  NEW polling conducted by the Regal Post suggests that the Droughers’ Party risk stumbling in the opposition for years and even decades to come if it cannot do more to stem the tide of the young flocking to the Coalition.

  In the poll conducted last week, more than 73 per cent of men under the age of 30 thought that the Droughers had „no or little chance of forming the ministry at the next election”, whilst 61 per cent disagreed that the Droughers were a party „appealing to the youth” with 11 per cent not sure. In contrast, it seemed a foregone conclusion that the Scodeliers and Conservatives would retain their majority in the Parliament, 59 per cent of all voters believing that it was certain or very likely.

  The results of the poll will trouble the Warden of the Droughers, the Lord Stavenson, who has struggled to keep the party together since he took over from the Margrave of Bine following the 2017 election. His Lordship has consistently polled as a weaker leader than the Duke of Limmes and lately, Sir Spencer de Stornton, and has failed to inspire a new generation of Drougher voters. Conversely, under the Treasurership of Sir Stornton, the Coalition has focussed on popular causes aimed at making obvious the benefits of their governance, including improvements in public infrastructure, price stability and heavy emphasis on the „commonship of Nortishmen and women”. There has been investment in the youth, especially in schools and the Cadet Corps, which has seen membership rise to over 432,000 cadets amidst heavy recruitment in schools.

  There are indeed fears amongst the Droughers’ Party that the Cadet Corps and Muster Service are inextricably linked to Coalition support, which has led to the sharp drop in support for the Droughers’ since the highs of the 1980s when Sir Benjamin de Davies was commanding nearly 53 per cent of the vote compared to only 42 per cent in the 2017 election. It seems this pattern is set to continue such that Sir Stornton will reap his first election victory at the elections in June this year, unless the Droughers can pull off a stunning bolt from behind.

[Great Nortend]

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THURSDAY · NOVEMBER 25 MMXXII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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WOMEN AND ATHEISTS „NEVER” TO RECEIVE DEGREES

  THE Chancellour, Vice-Chancellour, Rectors, Provosts and Masters of the University of Aldesey in a letter published yesterday have confirmed that the University would „never” allow women or atheists to graduate with a degree. The University has been open only to men since their foundation as monastic houses of learning. In 1923, the Foide Ministry passed a statute which for the first time in history established Saint Elisabeth Hall for lady students to study at the universities, in order to improve the standard of education for women. Nonetheless, as is well known, lady students are only „enrolled” and granted the titles, rather than degrees, of „Lady of Arts” and „Mistress of Arts”.

  There has been some popular support for women to matriculate and to graduate in the same way as men. Miss Margaret Scott, the former Mistress of Saint Elisabeth Hall, has been a particularly outspoken proponent of the so-called woman’s right to graduate after she was forced to resign four years ago from her position as Mistress for public comments condemning the University of Aldesey for not allowing lady students to receive degrees from the Chancellour, the Lord Bishop of Chepingstow, along with male graduands.

  It is widely considered an impossible proposition for the University to consider allowing atheists or non-conformists to graduate or even to matriculate.The Master of the Board of Education, Dr. Thomas Welfuller, said that he „noted the position of the reverend and learned Lords, Doctors and Masters” and that „the Government is content with the meetness of measures currently in law to advance the education of women.”

[Great Nortend]

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SAINT LUCY · MONDAY · DECEMBER 13 MMXXII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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JURY ATTAINTS MAN FOR SUICIDE

  A MAN has been found guilty and attaint of unlawfully committing suicide. The 38-year-old man, formerly a bank clerk, was from Limmes and convicted last year of theft and sentenced to life imprisonment with hard labour. Whilst at His Majesty’s Prison at Ladyhill, the man died by choking and drowning to death on a handkerchief and water.
  
  At the special trial holden at the General Sessions, the Sessions heard from prison warders for the Crown that the suicide had been behaving strangely all the week and eating very little. The prison warder testified that the suicide had requested water late at night and that there had been no other person in his cell. The prison physician summoned inspected the body and concluded that the death was by suicide.

  For the heir of the suicide, who is set to lose his inheritance, a psychiatrist testified that a lack of appetite could indicate an increasing loss of mental capacity. Threads recovered from underneath the man’s fingernails also could indicate, it was suggested, that the man tried to remove the handkerchief from his throat to no avail. Furthermore, the lack of a suicide note was argued to be evidence that he committed the act in a fit of madness.

  After deliberating for less than an hour, the jury returned a unanimous verdict of death per se attincto. His Worship the Recorder therefore ordered that the suicide’s body be buried at midnight within the confines of the prison without religious ceremony.

  In consequence of the verdict of attainder, most of the property of the suicide is forfeited to the Crown. Thus, his heir will inherit nothing by right, although he will usually appeal to the Lord Almoner to recover some or all of the estate less a fine. It is understood that the suicide died seised of a borough tenement in Limmes.

  Suicide verdicts of attainder are nowadays rare, as medical understanding shews that most suicides are committed by persons non compos mentis. However, where someone commits suicide after being convicted of a felony punishable by death, or a long or life sentence, juries still tend to return verdicts of attainder.

[Great Nortend]

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FRIDAY · JANUARY 8 MMXXII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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GOVERNMENT CRACKS DOWN ON UNNATURAL ACTIVITY

  THE Privy Council on Monday afternoon issued an order to His Majesty’s Lieutenants commanding them to require their constabularies to investigate and prosecute cases of indecent behaviour between men and other cases of sodomy.

  The order, which was only published yesterday in the Court Gazette, is characteristically short, and reads, in translation, “The King to his faithful Lieutenants of the Counties, Greeting. We by these presents command you to make diligent inquiry and prudent appeal of all and every crime of unnatural indecency knowledged by you in your counties several as shall be set forth in our letters. It witness whereof. &c.” It is understood that longer letters close were sent to Lieutenants to distribute to their county sheriffs and high constables explaining in greater detail the order from the Clerk’s Office and the means intended for their implementation.

  The unusually aggressive tone has been linked by officials in the Clerk’s Office as being likely in relationship to recent sanctions announced by the Union of Deathfall in protest against the laws of the Realm as they apply against homosexual activity. The Government has yet to announce any formal response to the demarche, nor to the announcement that the Union will be accepting asylum seekers from Great Nortend.

[Great Nortend]

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EASTER MONDAY · APRIL 18 MMXXII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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KING AND ROYAL FAMILY ATTEND STILL AND EASTER SERVICES

  HIS Majesty the King and members of the Royal Family publicly attended divine service several times through Still Week and also Easter Day. On Maundy Thursday, the King and Queen attended at Royal Maundy in the Cloisters of Saint Peter’s Cathedral Priory in Lendert, after hearing High Mass from the Royal Stalls in the Church. Their Majesties washed the feet of twelve poor elderly men, and offering them and their wives alms of food, clothing and lodging for the rest of their lives at the Royal Almshouses. The service was the second service of Royal Maundy this year, after the Duke of Faunslaughter attended the traditional Royal Maundy service on St. Lucy’s day for the poor of Faunslaughter.

  Their Majesties with Their Royal Highnesses the Prince William and Princess Henrietta spent Good Friday fasting and in penance, attending a full day of Mattins, Tierce, Mass, Vespers and Compline at the Chapel of St. Giles at the Castle of Lerdenstone. On Easter Even, Their Majesties attended Mattins and then the festal first Vespers of Easter at Saint Peter’s Cathedral Priory with other members of the Royal Family when the Easter Candle was lit to the chaunts of the Exultet. On Easter Day the Royal Family again attended Mattins and Mass.

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TUESDAY · OCTOBER 3 MMXXIII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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H.H. THE COUNT OF SORREDGE DIES

  HIS HIGHNESS Prince Henry, the Count of Sorredge died at a quarter past 2 o’clock yesterday afternoon, at the age of 91. Prince Henry, the third son of King Edmund IX, was born on August 3rd, 1931. He married Lady Rosamund de Lascey in 1954, with whom he had three children, Lord Arnold, now Count of Sorredge, Lord Andrew and Lady Mary. After Lady Rosamund’s untimely death in 1979, Prince Henry married Lady Frances de Alton-Hault, daughter of the Duke of Limmes. The new Count of Sorredge, Lord Arnold, is married to Lady Lucy de Anthord, née Adsworth.

  The Lord Chamberlain has declared two weeks of Court Mourning, beginning to-day, and all Crown servants are commanded by the Lord Chamberlain to enter into Full Mourning forthwith. His Majesty’s loyal subjects are also requested to observe customs of mourning as may be convenient for them. The details of the funeral services for His late Highness have yet to be announced by his Household; however, in line with previous practice, it is expected that the principal services will be holden at Royal Chapel of St. Giles and St. Peter’s Cathedral Priory in Lendert.

[Great Nortend]

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WEDNESDAY · FEBRUARY 15 MMXXIII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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PARENTS CHARGED UNDER OBSCURE BAPTISM LAW

  THE parents of a 10-year-old child have been indicted for the rarely-prosecuted felony of wilful omission to bring a child to be baptised. The crime under a 16th century statute was enacted by King Edmund V to counter the Anabaptist movement, which practised „believer’s baptism”. It required all mothers and fathers to bring their infants to the church to be baptised within a year of giving birth. In 1733, the judgment in Abrahamson v. Rex involving a Jewish mother prosecuted for the same crime clarified that the obligation fell only on Christian parents.

  Edwina and Rodger Lampers, of Caryton, are understood to be members of a non-conformist Baptist chapel. Their failure to have their son baptised at birth was only discovered when his name was not listed in the baptismal register of their local parish church. The Rector of Caryton, the Rev’d. Dr. Eddington, said, „It is disappointing that some Christian parents still wilfully refuse to bring their children to receive holy Baptism, without which, they are without the Church of God and without the benefits of new life in Christ.” The local magistrate who issued the indictment gave a statement to the Regal Post saying, „The so-called non-conformist chapels cannot be tolerated when they deny infants their natural right to be baptised and thereby risk everlasting damnation.”

  Mr. Whitmore, the „Pastor” of the Baptist Chapel in Caryton, told the Regal Post that it should be a matter of religious freedom and individual conscience whether to baptise a child or not. His Majesty’s Chancery said that it was not common for the crime to be prosecuted nowadays, given advances in religious tolerance making it difficult to convict; however, it confirmed the existence of the felony and that the Government had no intentions of reviewing or abolishing it.

[Great Nortend]

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FRIDAY · MAY 19 MMXXIII · PRINTED IN LENDERT · THREEPENCE

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BILLS SET TO „TUMBLE” IN ELECTRICITY SHAKE-UP

  BILLS for electricity are predicted to reduce by almost a third for many households under the Government’s plans to reform the electricity industry. Under the proposal announced yesterday in Court by the King’s Clerk, Sir Aaron Billings, a new Coal, Electricity and Gas Board will replace the existing Coal and Gas Board with enhanced regulatory powers to encourage fairer competition between merchants.

  Electricity supply, like gas and water, is reliant on expensive fixed-line infrastructure which embeds a natural effective monopoly in many towns. Sir Aaron said that existing laws which prevented abuse of local monopolies „were not working as effectively as intended” as the adoption of electric light gathers pace.

  While coal and briquette prices have generally remained stable over the last decade, the rapid increase in electricity mills has holpen to expand electricity service to more than 2,000 villages across the nation. However, increased reliance on electric light has underscored the highly fragmented nature of electricity supply in this country.

  The new Board will have powers to investigate prices for electricity and where necessary to amerce merchants for overcharging disproportionate to actual costs. „There should be no reason why the householder in Clerkinweld should be paying more than 4d per standard globe hour when the householder in Lendert pays only only ¾d per standard globe hour.”

  Sir Aaron announced that the new Board would also investigate means whereby a national or regional electricity grid could be established in the near future, although he emphasised that the Government’s policy was still to facilitate a network of local generating mills and suppliers over any large-scale power plants.