Atlas Satire/Fake News Thread [ATLAS]

[Krosny-Zdzieszowice]

Welcome to the Atlas Fake News Thread. This thread is designed to contain and store all the fake news as well as satirical news pieces that are pumped out of the nations of Atlas every minute. The slightly funny, unfunny and the horrible all go here.

"For Complete Dishonestly, Untruths, and the Ability to Half-Ass Everything."

[Zoboyizakoplayoklot]

The Tomato News Network
Is Zoboyizakoplayoklot's Name Too Long?

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Diplomats hate it. Immigrants hate it. Foreign teachers hate it too. In fact, a recent poll by an Atlas wide think tank pointed that the vast majority of people the world over believe Zoboyizakoplayoklot's name is too long.

"SEVEN SYLLABLES!" exclaims award winning linguist Khulan Ajir. "When compared to names such as Elesar, Stasnov, and Songha, which are all three syllables at the most, ours is much too long. We are already the laughing stock of Atlas for it, so we must do something."

The only problem about this topic is what Zoboyizakoplayoklot would be renamed to. The most popular choice is Zóbogyizok, the name already used in Grozav Inima and by many Grozyars living in Zoboyizakoplayoklot. However, many Zobik nationalists disagree. This puts the name up for debate. Some advocate for the name "Greater Zobika", coming from Zoboyizakoplayoklot's largest and most populous province. An anonymous tip from an Agualadosan student in Acronius suggested "Zabongistan", and our crew at The Tomato loved it. Arik Zabong is easily Zoboyizakoplayoklots most recognized businessperson, and he is known all across so Atlas for his insane amounts of wealth and humanitarian experience.

To sign a petition to change the name to Zabongistan, click here

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[Grozav Inima]

Almond Activator

The ILLUMINATI control over STASNOV, ACRONIUS, BRYTENE and VALDIU revealed!

Multiple credible sources have revealed to us that the Stasnovan Apparatchiks are actually reptilian extraterrestrials disguised as humans. In addition, they are said to lead a cabal of the worlds most powerful leaders, including the President of Acronius and Valdiu. In addition, the Brytisc monarchy and upper echelon in what is called the "Witengamot" are all said to be members of the same extraterrestrial reptilian race, explaining the link between the Communist states and Western "democracies". These reptilians are enemy's of Grozav Inima and Elesar, who are the only nations to stand up to their globalist agendas. The cabal that originates from the Communist Reptilian Aliens in Politics, (known as CRAP), are known in most circles as the Illuminati, and are reported to be the harbingers of a global communist regime which they can use to harvest the souls of human beings, which they use to power their space ships to expand their galactic empire across the galaxy.

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[Tenburg]

Tennish Communist Party Funded by Leutish Government!

New evidence that has surfaced confirms that the primary source of funding for the Tennish Communist Party is Leutish--in fact, it's the Leutish government itself.

This report gives credence to Taoiseach Michael Tucker's claims that Leutish influence is becoming more and more apparent among the communists.

As the report surfaces, it sees a Communist Party in complete disarray, as Representatives Eamonn McCall and Patrick Kane are vying for control at the top.

TNI has reached out to the Leutish government, but at this point they refuse to comment

[Merala]

Merala to halt exports of avocado

Bourgeois fetishism of the fruit causes outrage in Merala

Antonio Gallardo (@ToniGallardo)
May 16, 2020|Anochtepec, Merala

"I do not pick avocado so that some rich city shmuck in a Nox Mynus penthouse can make a breakfast for his social media whilst several of his countrymen are forced to eat bat soup", said avocado farmer Fernando González on an mass strike in front of the Ministry of Agriculture, demanding the halting of avocado exports to ABC and KP countries. This strike paralysed much of the agricultural sector and is believed to have caused an reduction in agricultural outputs for the year.

The movement originally started as various written requests and signature gatherings to the Councils of Good Municipal Governance throughout rural Merala, eventually reaching the state councils and the National Assembly of Good Governance. This requests were ignored however, believed to be a fake campaign started by social media influencers. This requests turned up very much real once the National Union of Avocado Farming separated itself from the National Confederation of Unions and called for a mass strike last month.

The outrage is caused by a trend in ABC and KP countries revolving around the avocado toast, a popular dish among the bourgeoisie and the petite bourgeoisie of those countries, which drove up demands for Meralan avocado and the prices in those countries, making it a dish exclusive to top earners and capitalists.

"Whilst we open to trade with most countries, we were not expecting the quite literal fruits of Meralan labour to cause quite a ruckus in the countries they would end up", said Marcelo Jiménez the Minister of the Economy, "but this strike has certainly set back the current Five Year Plan".

This prompted an emergency meeting of both houses of the National Assembly of Good Governance, both the Chamber of Popular Governance and the Chamber of State Governance. Chairman Séptimo de la Fuente of the Council of Ministers signed in an emergency decree declaring a halt on avocado exports to the countries that are a source of the outrage.

"I suppose that with this, the bourgeoisie in those countries will have to find something else to post on social media and stop their McFritz's binges" said Chairman de la Fuente, accompanied by Minister of Agriculture Mateo Torrealba when he presented the signed decree today in front of the protesters.

Following this, the National Union of Avocado Farming has requested readmission into the National Confederation of Unions and has called an end to the strike.