Dornie News Thread (FT-IC Maintenance Thread)

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Brawl Breaks Out On Stage, Six People Arrested

*B-roll footage of Philadelphia PD officers can be seen using a sort of goo to cuff two individuals in suits. The goo comes from a strip of what looks like duct tape wrapped around each individual's hand, which promptly melts into a mass which envelops both suspects' hands. The two can be seen shouting at each other, and at several other similarly handcuffed persons.*

In what has become the offbeat news story of the day for many, six people were arrested by police in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Earth SSR for inciting a brawl at an academic conference. The dispute was allegedly incited between two experts in Pre-Apocalypse History, Dr. James Hurtubise of the University of Pennsylvania, and Dr. Coreena Schneerson of the New Star City Polytechnic Institute, over a question which has vexed the Pre-Apocalypse Historical Community for many years.

*cuts to a painting with George Washington, similar to the famous "Crossing of the Delaware" painting. However, George is not using a boat to cross the icy Delaware River. Rather, he stands astride a crude, steampunk automaton of some sort which looks like it could have been built in someone's basement. George's other teammates are seen using steam jump jet-powered mecha to leap from ice floe to ice floe also.*

Namely, did George Washington--legendary hero of the pre-Apocalypse Era--actually use mecha to cross the Delaware River? The debate has been complicated due to the Apocalypse itself, which has made it harder to access intact records regarding the event. While scholarly consensus is a solid "No," there is a small minority of revisionist historians known as "Mechheads" which argue that the possibility could at least exist. Needless to say, that scholarly debate, put on here as part of local Explosion Day celebrations--which have subsumed the Fourth of July holiday celebrated in large parts of North America--took an unusually contested turn.

*cuts to a young woman looking rather confused*

"I mean, it was fairly obvious the two were not having a good day. And Dr. Hurtubuise, he goes It's plain to see that there's no historic evidence that George Washington used steam powered mecha to cross the Delaware."
Then all of a sudden, Professor Schneerson leaps up and goes, 'Fuck you, Charles, there is. Recent archaeological evidence suggests the presence of not only steam powered mecha, but steam powered mecha invented by Ben Franklin himself!' Next thing you know, Dr. Hurtubise is accusing Schneerson of misinterpreting fragments of a Franklin stove, and then, they go at it. Lots of swearing, and I think a chair got thrown."

*cuts to a Philadelphia PD officer sighing before being poked by his superior with an elbow, as he speaks.*

"As of 10:24 this morning, we did act to restrain two individuals engaging in a fight onstage at this Conference. We also had to restrain four others from joining in; they have been arrested on charges of resisting arrest and assault. There is no other threat to the public as of this point, and we are investigating the cause of this incident."

*cuts to stock footage of the two individuals debating in the past*

This is not the first time the two have debated the subject, but witnesses said that the two seemed unusually agitated in the hours before the discussion. There is no word on whether this incident is tied to the ongoing dimensional distortions although one person was quoted as saying, "Honestly? I wouldn't be surprised, given the fact the chupacabras are everywhere now, man."

1st Annual Chupacabra Hunt Organized

In what is being hailed by locals as the "biggest Chupathingy cull in recent memory," authorities on Earth SSR and Mars County have organized the 1st Annual Chupacabra Hunt. A two week long celebration and species cull, it is believed that the Hunt was organized by local leaders to combat the sudden outbreak of chupacabras which have not only plagued Western North America and Central America, but other parts of Earth SSR and even now several other Counties near Earth, including Mars, New Star City and other regions.

*cuts to a man in a business suit speaking in front of LA City Hall, surrounded by groups of Dornalians of all sorts. Some have cat ears and tails, some have wolves' ears and tails, and there are even some Kroot. The Kroot glare at the persons with wolves' ears and tails, who in turn make a gesture involving a v-sign with the index and middle finger, pointing it at their own eyes, and then pointing them at the Kroot. All of the people there have tactical vests and other gear, along with thermoptic camo set to a generic hunting camo.*

"Frankly, the chupacabra situation has become ridiculous. Wild packs of chupacabras have attacked traveling families, disrupted businesses, and even shut down a major magrail line near Tucson. This is too much and we have had enough."

*the man pulls out a Type 1 phaser, and sets it to kill before declaring*

"Let's get these bastards. No bag limit. NO SURRENDER!"

*To prove he means business, a pack of chupacabras appears almost on cue. The man levels the Type 1 phaser at them, and fires in a wide spread, vaporizing several of them to ash and causing them to run in different directions. Security personnel fire bursts of phaser fire, ripping apart the remainder.*

In addition to the encouragement of civilian hunters to take out the chupacabras, government agencies across the affected regions have been asked to contribute in any way they can. So far, many have chosen to share map data and tracking data involving chupacabra movements, and many local law enforcement and military units have been authorized to "kill on sight" any chupacabra infestations found. Even foreign nationals have been encouraged to join in the hunt if they so desire.

However, critics have emerged in regards to Operation Rollback, the name given to the cull.

*cuts to a scientist in a lab coat with multiple chupacabras in cages, being contained by men with shock prods*

"Does anyone understand that the best way to defeat these things is to, you know, actually capture and study them instead of blowing them up? I mean, for God's sake, we have a species of cryptid that has experienced a sudden resurgence due to what may be the universe's deadliest disruption in dimensional and temporal stability ever known--the Great Cataclysm. We need to figure out how these things are breeding and how and why they're suddenly forming nests in old subway facilities and parks. That to me is a more effective measure than just playing whackamole with them and getting a lot of people killed."

*cuts to images of a pair of gentlemen on Mars. They have heavy repeating blasters set up near a major highway which have what appear to be an array of underbarrel torpedo launchers strapped onto them spewing the odd photon torpedo, and are flinging thousands of bolts of energy downstream at a large herd of chupacabras heading their way. Some of them look bigger than the others, and at least one or two seem to be standing on hind legs and bellowing to the rest.*

Still, as Sgt. McDougal of the Mars Citizens Forces said to us today...

*One of the men operating one of the heavy repeating blasters speaks*

"I'd like to see those fucking eggheads--GET SOME GET SOME!--come down here and pick up--NEED A NEW CHARGE!! GET ME A NEW FUCKING CHARGE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!--some of these assholes for specimens. Fucking--FUCK THE BASTARD, JIM! HOLY SHIT!"

*McDougal ducks, as one of the Standing Chupawhatties throws a hadouken above their heads. McDougal tosses a grenade at the horde of chupacabras, which explodes.*

We will of course, continue to monitor these events.

New Steppingstone Expansion Planned

And finally tonight, in what is proving to be good news for the Haggar Administration, State Department announced today that they will be working with the Consortium to pursue an expanded version of the Steppingstone System outside the Republic. The plan, part of Operation Exodus (the portion of the Dornalian contribution concerned with managing the logistics of Dornalian operations), calls for the expansion of the existing Steppingstone system to trade routes alongside Alpha-Beta Quadrant border, with ultimate plans to each into both quadrants by the time the project is completed. So far, Congress has approved the financing and expansion of the system, which already exists in many parts of hte Republic but also in some parts outside of it currently.

*cuts to footage of a Congressperson, identified as Senator Jane Lautner, Grand National Party, New Star City*

"I voted for the expansion of the Steppingstones, yes. I feel that not only will they do good in the best traditions and values of the Dornalian people, they also seemed to be self-sustaining and may even defend freedom of navigation and trade. I mean, I don't know about you, but I'd like to travel around this galaxy and others without some highwayman calling for me to stand and deliver from a fancy pirate ship."

*cuts to footage of Norton Simons addressing a gaggle of reporters at a news conference*

For his part, Secretary of State Simons had this to say:

"I can say right now that I've spoken with our counterparts from the Consortium, who will be helping us to expand Steppingstone assets further to protect those in need and to help provide security alongside existing trade routes. I can say we haven't begun construction yet--right now, we're having people look around at the local powers, see if they'd be interested in letting us set up Steppingstones to help protect traffic and so on. I'm not going to name names or give away too many details, but I can say we are working with our Consortium partners to begin exploring the region and to pursue potential leads using Naval Corps of Engineers assets."

*reporter asks a question*

"Circe Gaines, New Sapporo Shimbun. Tell me, why the Naval Corps of Engineers? I had heard reports NCE was busy in the Andromeda Galaxy."

*Simons nods*

"Understandable. NCE are our current exports in exploring uncharted regions, and besides being the scientific and engineering sorts, are designed to be more diplomatic and exploratory than the usual Navy task element. Considering how we're going to be potentially dealing with any number of powers using small, inquisitive expeditions for the moment, it was felt that the Navy Corps of Engineers's skillsets in contact management, stellar cartography and so on would be useful in this endeavor."

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Tonight on Dornie News Network, we take a break from our regular programming. Tonight’s feature relates to the recent announcement of the Steppingstone expansion program we told you about the other night. We gained access to one of the ships involved in said program, the CRS Challenger. One of many vessels working as part of the joint Consortium-Dornalian partnership, it belongs to the Naval Corps of Engineers and, as my special report shows, has plenty of tricks up its sleeve.

-----

Somewhere outside New Monterrey County, CRE

On the outside, a small Raptor shuttle with a camera bearing the NDBC logo began to film the ship, shadowed by an escort.

The shots they took would be stitched by a man on the Raptor to portray a three-quarters shot of the Challenger. The Challenger would bear more than a little resemblance to the Constitution-class found in the Star Trek franchise. However, gone was the 60s sense of rounded optimism and shape. The ship was mostly hardened and made sleeker, as if put on a diet and then redesigned by some sports-car designer.

The nacelles resembled the containers Toblerones came inside of, with a blue glowing panels on each side of the triangular box. On the end closest to the saucer, there was a blue, flat panel of some sort. The rear has the telltale marks of an ion drive of some sort. The deflector dish is replaced with a recessed part with two rings of flat panels. One panel seems to glow blue, and helpfully, the other glows a faint gold.

As the images on screen passed by, Gracie--who was onboard the Raptor--would begin to narrate the imagery before her, speaking into a microphone held by a Sound Guy.

“This is the CRS Challenger. A modified Constitution-Farrell Class Vessel, it is a ship designed for long range exploration. Modified by the LanserWerks customization house from a body-in-white hull, the ship is purpose built to survey the stars and uncover what lies out there. In this case, it will be joining others of its ilk in finding suitable sites for Steppingstones.”

The Sound Guy nodded, and gave her a thumbs up to indicate the recording went successfully, as they entered the shuttlebay of the Challenger.

In the interior of the Challenger, the NDBC crew could be seen breaking out small camera drones which followed their handlers like a puppy followed its master. The small drones would record images of people milling about onboard the Challenger’s halls, as were small drones and droids doing maintenance tasks. The people were a snapshot of the peoples in Dornieland--some would say picked to look good, but that’s just how it ended up.

The cameramen could see plenty of humans, plenty of human-looking women with dog/wolf ears and tails, and also cat ears and tails. There are those with pointed ears, and those without. There are also women with bodies whose lower half resembles that of a snake. There were also strange creatures which stood upright and were mostly made of tentacles. Rounding out the environment, there was the holographic image of a young woman on various screens and elsewhere, wearing what looks like a 1960s US astronaut's EVA suit and grinning at people. She gave a salute to the camera crew, and said jocularly, “This here’s my good side.”

The cameramen nodded, filming the hologram before moving on.

The sailors could be seen wearing blue slacks and blue shirts to a man and woman, with modifications though for some. There are also men and women in what looks like highly modified T-60 series power armor, guarding the ship with blasters and whose armor bears the logo of the Marine Corps. Gracie, who was on camera now, began speaking into a handheld microphone.

“The crew itself comes from many places, but is committed to the mission at hand.”

Before she could say anything else, the crew spotted their first subject--a young woman with pointed ears and snakes' eyes wearing a Naval officer's uniform, which involved a khaki buttonup shirt that seems perhaps one size too small on her. Instead of slacks, she had a wraparound dress, covering up a portion of a rather long snake's tail. The tail is covered by what looks like a cloth sock of some sort. She could be seen giving orders and talking to people.

Gracie spoke into her microphone, knowing who it was.

“The commander of this expedition is one Captain Diana Oosthuizen, from the world of Siristad County. The assignment is considered a major achievement, especially as the Navy seeks to integrate the various Dornalian peoples together in the service.”

Walking up to Oosthuizen, while telling the cameramen to stand back, Gracie asked if Oosthuizen would be available to answer some questions. With a nod, the cameras soon focused on Oosthuizen speaking to Gracie Liang in the hallway. She had an accent which could be best described as a mixture of Dutch, English, and Slightly Exotic. All the better for ratings, one would say. She spoke, being caught slightly offguard by the reporter on her ship. For their part, the officers next to her seemed unamused.

"So, as you know, our mission is to explore and, um, find new worlds and places to establish Steppingstones. I mean, the Navy wants to make sure it doesn't go into this thing blind. So, they send us in to take a look at things, negotiate with the locals, and see about putting a Steppingstone or two in there. I mean, the Milky Way is not exactly unknown, yeah. There are star charts we have and so on. But I can tell you that it always makes sense to do some research first, before we go on and go somewhere where we are not wanted. Besides, even if we do have charts of the Milky Way, one can never tell what you'll expect. It's like that movie, you know, the one with the special guy in the South somewhere and he goes life is like a box of chocolates? Yeah, like that."

Gracie asked Oosthuizen, tilting the mike back towards herself, "And again, you're not doing this alone, but with the help of the Consortium?"

Oosthuizen nodded. She seemed to get into the groove of things a bit more, as she spoke into the microphone when it came back to her.

"Yes, we are working with our partners in the Consortium to find these sites. I can't give away too many details, but I can say that we will meet with our Consortium partners soon, and er, begin the process. And should push come to shove, we are capable of protecting each other and defeating opponents."

Next to Oosthuizen was what could best be described as a Tentacle Monster in a Dornie officer's uniform. He had eyes though, and generally resembled any number of terran cephalopods. The man’s uniform’s nametag read “Kang,” and Kang said simply, in a formal, Transatlantic accent, akin to that of Kelsey Grammer, “Paul Kang, XO of this vessel. May I?”

Gracie nodded and then did a voiceover, briefly.

"Helping run the ship is Paul Kang, a Tentaculan--from Nova Louisiana County?”

Kang nodded, saying proudly, “Alvaria City born and bred.”

Gracie nodded in turn, continuing her voiceover, “ He will oversee day to day operations and also, more importantly, if this is the same Paul Kang I heard about, was a military attache with the State Department."

Kang then laughed. He declared, “I am indeed, madam Liang. And let me say diplomatically that, I am confident that this mission will be quite successful.” Gesturing to one of the officers, he said, “As, Lieutenant Pakenham, our tac officer, can attest to you, our ship is perfectly capable of fighting Anaconda replicating torpedo launchers. Forced Uniform Colliding Kill Stream Projectors in lieu of the phasers. A full complement of Marines and onboard anti-boarding defenses.”

Pakenham nodded, as Kang continued.

“However, we intend to talk first before anything happens. We will be going into known space, yes, but as my colleague has no doubt told you there is still plenty to find out there. Including suitable Steppingstone sites."

At that point, a Dornalian sailor waved a sign in the background saying, "Hi Mom!" Evidently, he was happy to see cameras there, and the sign’s nature suggested he had decided to think of it on the spot. For his part, Kang turned around, scoots over to the sailor, and with a polite but quick gesture seized the sign. He sternly stared down the sailor and spoke only briefly.

"I will speak to you about this later!”

Turning back to Gracie, he said simply with a sigh, “I apologize. Some of our sailors tend to...be rather silly when a camera is pointed at them." Looking around, he held up a small pocketwatch on a chain and gasped.

“I am terribly sorry, but I will need to cut this interview short. I have to check with Engineering. Goodbye!”

Gracie thanked the Tentaculan and moved on. Walking down the hallway, she met a group of individuals with Multicam uniforms on, smoking cigarettes and shooting the breeze. They stopped and stared at the cameras. Their ID tags read “Russo-American Investment and Development Corporation,” and they to a woman had hostile looks on their faces, one person even averting their gaze.

"Besides all this are any number of civilian researchers and contractors onboard. Including a group of individuals from the Russo-American Investment and Development Corporation, which has enjoyed a relationship in the past with the Naval Corps.”

Gracie then tried to approach one of them, but the RAID personnel get up, gave Death Glares at the cameramen, and walked out. The biggest of them, the one named McClung, said simply, “We’re busy” in an icy tone. One woman, a woman with cat ears and a tail, even gave the middle finger to the crew.

Gracie could only say:

"...they apparently refuse to give comment."

As if on cue to save the shoot, however, a group of Marines walked up to Gracie and her team. One of them laughed and removed her helmet to reveal a young woman with wolf/dog ears.

Gracie then spoke into the camera.

“It looks like we have some Marines here. Marine, what’s your name?”

The woman spoke with a very pronounced Hungarian accent into the microphone. She evidently seemed much happier about the prospect of getting on TV, even waving into the camera.

“I am Sergeant Kiraly Erszebet--er, Erszebet Kiraly. I am part of the Marine contingent on this ship, yes, although I am not the one in charge.” She then said, taking a breath, “That would be Colonel Nakayama.”

Sgt. Kiraly then asked, “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Gracie tilted the microphone towards herself and asked simply, “Can you tell me what those RAID officers were doing? It seemed like they didn’t want to talk to us.”

At that, Kiraly and the other Marines sighed in a bemused manner, evidently having dealt with this before. Kiraly spoke first.

“Oh, the spooks! Yes, well, I will tell you they keep to themselves. They intermingle with us, but they like to keep us at a distance for the most part. The Marines and sailors here, even the civilians--they’ve got any number of theories on them.” Coyly, Kiraly then replied with a firm, but amused, “But I’d rather not say.”

Gracie asked, raising an eyebrow, “Is it because it’s classified?”

“No, no, just gossip. I’m no gossip.” Kiraly winked, slyly pointing to the camera as she did so. Gracie got the gist, and then continued.

“Alright. So, Marine, what do you think will happen on this trip?”

Kiraly looked around and paused to stroke her chin. She then declared:

“Hopefully nothing of major consequence. I mean, there’s a lot here that needs to happen, I don’t know all the details but I think it will all go off without a hitch, this expedition. I mean, it’s not like we’re going into some uncharted, distant place like in Andromeda. We’ll be close to civilization. Still, we should be prepared for anything.”

One of the other Marines, a young man with cat ears, laughed, and interjected:

“I’ll tell you what I’m prepared for. Fuckin’ badass four-wheel truck action tearassing around some planet, that’s what.”

Kiraly shoots a dirty look at the Marine, before snickering and turning back to Gracie. She then declared, amused:

“Well, I guess that can be one of those things. You’ll have to excuse Lance Corporal Delgado, he’s….quite the ferret. Right now, he is into offroading. Who knows? Tomorrow it may be flower arranging and conga line dancing.”

“Woah, hey.” Delgado poked his head back at the camera, adding, “I respect your hobby of producing stomach churning poetry, you respect my right to pick a hobby of the moment. We discussed this.”

As the two began to bicker, Gracie turned to the camera crew with an amused, if somewhat confused look. She could only say:

“Prepared for anything is right. Reporting for NDBC News, this is Gracie Liang.”

Cutting the cameras, she then asked, “We can get rid of that last part in post, right?”

Turning to the Marines now having a thumb war in the middle of the hallway, one of the cameramen said, “Yeah.”

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Evidence of Jacintaist-Malgravean Collaboration Discovered in Mexico

OOC: DOne with help from Malgrave

In what is sure to be a game changer for the history of relations between Malgrave and Dornie!Earth, Professor Alejandro Snider has discovered evidence of prior arms transfers between the Jacintaist Empire and the United Kingdom of Malgrave.

Working from newly discovered evidence in various Mexican and South American archives, Snider has uncovered multiple documents--some of which are signed with the verified signatures of Jacinta and Elizabeta themselves--which indicate that during the height of the Jacintaist Empire, transfers of medical supplies, ammunition, and most importantly artillery of all types was conducted to the United Kingdom of Malgrave during its ongoing Civil War. The contacts appear to have resulted from encounters with persons the documents describes only as “Individuals from a land called Malgrave” who were ushered to meet Jacinta La Valienta herself and Elizabeta the Fair also. Records regarding their meetings are still being sought, but it appears that an agreement was struck to ensure the transfer of vital materiel to the Malgraveans. Snider has even alleged that records found so far even provide evidence of advisors sent to the United Kingdom to assist them in the use of their new equipment, although he admits that he will need “to do more research.”

If true, the documents would indicate that the Malgraveans and at least one sector of the Dornalian people have met and conducted business before. The discovery is certainly catching the attention of many individuals, including scholars who contest Snider’s conclusions. Many of the criticisms center upon the fact that the Malgravean state at this time was engaged in a policy of isolationism, and only rogue factions known as the Socialist Republic of Malgrave and the National Workers’ Republic of Malgrave would have actively courted foreign assistance. Snider and his defenders note that the Malgravean SIS existed even at that time and that they could have facilitated the transfers--although the truth of this theory remains hotly disputed, especially given the minimal evidence so far for SIS involvement. Snider has cited the presence of correspondence with a mysterious contact within the SIS ranks by top level Jacintaists as evidence of his theory. Handwriting analysts analyzing the documents indicate that the signatures are certainly authentic in regards to the Jacintaists. As for the Malgraveans, the handwritten signatures themselves appear to come from individuals known to have worked with SIS in the past, as well as the memetic “Comrade H,” an individual neither the SIS nor ERIS will discuss in much if any detail.

For his part, Snider continues to work on his theory, and has announced that he will plan a trip to Malgrave in order to “research the Malgravean side of this potentially groundbreaking new history.” For their part, the Malgravean government has refused to directly respond to the allegations with Eliot Reymont, the Minister of Foreign Affairs stating that the Malgravean government was not inclined to comment on research carried out by foreign professors, although she also pointed out that the United Kingdom of Malgrave was in a period of strict isolation until the year 2000 and any transfer of arms or ammunition would’ve come from captured stockpiles from either the Socialist Republic or the National Workers’ Republic as they both rejected isolationism. Michael Beeker, Minister of State Security however was more direct in his criticism saying that Snider was taking advantage of the classified nature of SIS activities to spread conspiracy theories and undermine SIS operations.

Unknown Pirates Strike Near Luxembourgia County

In what is proving to be one of many calamities affecting the Colonial Republic during the Great Cataclysm, ICBA cutters today engaged and freed the M/V Freeman’s Chance mysterious bands of pirates outside of Luxembourgia County in a dramatic raid. The pirates had been attempting to commandeer the ship and bring it to an unknown destination.

The raid is part of many such raids which have occurred in recent times, particularly as reports of pirate attacks continue to rise around Luxembourgia County. Officials in the Luxembourgia County Sheriff’s Department have noted that pirate activity is not usually a problem in the region, but ever since the Cataclysm began there has been a “massive spike” in raids. Local authorites are vowing that they will “do what they must” to protect lives and property. Navy ships as well as the ICBA are assisting local law enforcement in keeping the spacelanes open.

As for what the agenda of the pirates is about, it is unknown as of this time. Witnesses say that the pirates are known to be staging their attacks from the area known as the Kol’tssien Eddy--a black hole and known collection of negative psychokinetic energies located in the same spot where the Kol’tssein Special Zone used to be--as well as what locals call “the Dead Gate.” Said gate is an old Hyperspace Expressway station which used to connect Luxembourgia County with the Terran Socialist Republic, a now-lost territory last known to be surrounded by massive warp storms which resulted from the same Mahdist ritual that destroyed the Kol’tssein Special Zone. For their part, the government bodies of both Luxembourgia County and the Federal Government have refused to confirm or deny witness testimonies, and the Order has remained strangely mum.

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Eternal Watermelon of Korea Found, Placed Under Custody

OOC: Credit to Auracexia for the original concept.

IC:

In what is proving to be a major archaeological discovery, researchers at the University of New Sapporo have located the long lost Eternal Watermelon of Korea. Believed to have been a pre-Apocalypse experiment by one of the Koreas--it was unclear which one it indeed was--the Eternal Watermelon was reputed to be a watermelon with regenerative properties, designed to regrow slices which had been removed through cutting or other means. However, the watermelon was lost in the midst of the Atomic Apocalypse, and although expeditions in the past attempted to locate the watermelon it remained unfound for decades.

However, that is no longer the case. Professor John Symonds, the head of the University's Paraarchaeology Department, following a lead from the notes of now-deceased treasure hunter Kelly Smajda, eventually located the artifact in a refrigerator belonging to one Louis Kasabian of New Kazakhstan. When asked how he obtained the Eternal Watermelon, Kasabian merely said, "The hell if I know. Some hobo sold it to me, and said it was a magic watermelon. I paiid him a buck and a bottle of Hi-Ex Fancy Wine, and then cut it up and served it at my next barbecue. To my amazement, the damn thing was still there. It's been with me ever since. Well, until the Professor paid me a million bucks and also got me a shiny fancy 40MW Plasma Rifle. Fuck yea!"

The Eternal Watermelon, due to its unusual properties, has been remanded into the custody of the University of New Sapporo, although Ordermen and Government agents have been seen on the campus since its arrival. Authorities have not confirmed whether or not it is related to the ongoing events of the Great Cataclysm, but either way the reappearance of the Eternal Watermelon puts an end to one of the Republic's great mysteries.

Chupacabra Meat Prices Hit Rock Bottom

In what many culinary experts are calling "a windfall," the price of chupacabra meat has hit an all time low. The meat of slain chupacabras which have been infesting the Republic's Solar Counties due to the Great Calamity has become the darling of culinary experts, amateur foodies and hungry families looking to feed a lot of people on the cheap. Reports indicate that compared to offworld livestock prices, chupacabra meat on Earth has hit the rock bottom price of six cents a pound, leading many to urge the continued hunting and consumption of "a Goddamn pest that should not have been born."

In the particularly hard hit regions of Mars County, "Chupaburgers" made of a mixture of chupacabra meat and beef have proven especially big sellers, while many Earth SSR-based culinary blogs have offered up recipes for Chupathingy Stew and Chupawhatty Carnitas. Experts say the best way to prepare chupacabra is through either thin slicing and quick frying, or long braising/slow-roasting techniques due to its somewhat tough texture and complex flavor. The meat itself is proving so popular that it is even being exported offworld to other Counties. When asked about the popularity of Chupacabra Meat, one grocer said, "I've never seen anything like it before. People hate the little bastards and the meat is flying off the shelves as a result. Shame I can't do that with my other products. Also, when can we do this to those Daedra, anyway?"

Not all individuals are in praise of the new trend--scientists caution that given the sudden rising of the chupacabra populations in the wake of the Great Cataclysm, one should be careful to "inspect the meat not only for unknown biological organisms, but also to scan the meat with a PKE Scanner to avoid tainting oneself or others with magical impurities." Additionally, livestock producers have cried foul, demanding that the Chupacabra be labeled "not fit for sentient consumption."

New Kazakhstan Awards Spoor Holdings Major Rest Stop Contract

In what is being touted by the New Kazakhstan Business Bureau as "a boon to the local economy," the continuing construction of the Evenstar Gate system between the United Solar Commonwealth and the Colonial Republic of Earth has already begun to attract new investors to the region. Anticipating increased traffic between the Commonwealth and the CRE, Spoor Holdings has struck an agreement with the New Kazakhstani Government to open a series of "rest stops" which will include legalized gambling, fine dining, hotel rooms and duty free shopping along major hyperspace lanes within the County.

"This can only be a good thing," said Governor Florence Lepetomane of New Kazakhstan County. "As I've mentioned before, the increased traffic will only benefit our system. We've been FTL-Over Country long enough--it's time we got out there and showed what we can do!"

Local members of the Keep New Kazakhstan Quiet Coalition, however, have decried the Rest Stop Program as "pandering to the Big Five by allowing them to place attractions which will result in traffic increases, as well as potential drops in property values due to the things casinos usually bring." Nonetheless, with construction proceeding as scheduled on the Evenstar Gate, the Rest Stop program has already begun to be built.

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Dornalian Department of Agriculture Announces Commencement of "Know Your Sausages" Campaign

OOC: Inspired by discussions with the player behind the Solar Cooperative Union/Ivor de Prie

IC:

In what is being hailed as "a fantastic celebration of Dornalian Cuisine," Agriculture Secretary Owen Stennis has announced today that it is collaborating with the State Department to produce a series of informational materials on the various forms of charcuterie found in the Dornalian mainstream. Known as the "Know Your Sausages" initiative, the effort seeks to spread word and knowledge of Dornalian charcuterie in various trade publications, farmers markets, and the wider galactic networks. The objective is to not only raise awareness of Dornalian charcuterie, but also to encourage further culinary exchange between the Republic and other powers.

Said the State Department in their official statement on the effort, “The Republic has many great forms of charcuterie, which we think the universe could stand to know. From the smoky, gamey Forest Sisters’ Kolbasa to the family-friendly Spacer’s Sausage, to more colorful varieties such as the bacon-based Maple Bacon Thick Stick, to older, ancient varieties such as bratwurst and pepperoni, we’ve got it all. And it’s a shame that the universe--aside from some of our closer allies like the Allaneans--hasn’t known more about that.”

The campaign itself seeks to emphasize the quality and diversity of Dornalian charcuterie, with a particular emphasis on artisanal producers and varieties of sausages. However, other types of meat products such as various types of jerky and even headcheese will be on display. The multiple types on display cover not just conventional terrestrial meats such as pork and beef, but also other types from those which are intriguing yet commonplace (e.g. vegetarian sausages made from soy mixture, fish-based sausages made of tuna, so on) to downright exotic variants such as Dai Lo-based headcheeses and Chupacabra Chorizo.

The Big Five’s contributions to the Dornalian sausage industry will not be ignored during this venture. Tyrol Foods in particular is a major sponsor, with Tereza J. Tadanobu (the head of Tyrol Foods itself) proclaiming in a press release that “Our nation should be proud of its sausages. Tyrol Foods in particular is pleased to be sponsoring an effort to show our wares abroad, and would love to point out to other potential consumers--be they discerning breadwinners or award-winning chefs--that Tyrol Foods’s product continues to be made with all natural ingredients. No fabbers were used to make these sausages and fine meats, and they never will be. You want to know where your meat is coming from, don’t you?”

However, State Department and Department of Agriculture sources confirmed today that the focus will be more on smaller, artisanal brands. In particular, there will be a focus on regional producers and small businesses, as well as more exotic varieties. The focus has brought praise from regional producers and food policy wonks like the New Star City Meatpackers’ League. The latter’s leader, Jolene Roxas, declared, “Our membership likes the idea that the Republic is advertising our fine wares. Nothing personal to the Big Five, but sometimes, people want sausages which clearly came with a minimum of replicated components. I mean, just because the Dept. of Agriculture says a fabbed sausage is a sausage doesn’t mean others are going to agree.”

As part of this push, the State Department and the Department of Agriculture have begun an advertising blitz to be deployed in a gradual rollout beginning with allies of the Republic, including the Greater Prussian and Nassau Accords member states. Part of this campaign will involve posters and pamphlets published in English, Quenya, Huttese and other galactic languages targeted to consumers, professional cooks and merchants which provide brief descriptions of the types of sausages available in the Republic. Additionally, advertisements (where allowed), Holonet/Galactic Internet webpages/holographic interactive forums and a traveling trade mission wherein different varieties of sausages will be on display will be used to highlight the diversity and quality of Dornalian sausages. A merchant ship, the Tennessee Maru, has been chartered by the State Department and is being escorted by the CRS Ranger, a Mercury-Cain class Battlestar, to host the traveling sausage exhibition.

The effort however is not without criticism. Members of Boldly Going, a kobold and Other Sentient Supernatural Creatures rights league encompassing groups such as kirins and other sentient animals, has questioned the decision to consider the inclusion in the exhibit sausages made from dragon meat, sourced either in the Republic or using dragon meat imported from the Eridani Imperium. Likewise, critics have noted that the effort itself to promote Dornalian agriculture is noble and well intentioned, but may be hampered by the current Emergencies going on within the Republic. Nonetheless, the effort is being praised. As Tereza J. Tadanobu herself declared, “It’s a good way to promote Dornalian wares and to make it so more people know about the goodness of our charcuterie--it’s one of the things that makes us unique, so why not promote it?”

Movie Adaptation of Book on Fabrication Rights Management Wars Now Being Made

OOC: Inspired by discussions with Sunset and Thrashia

IC:

In what is being hailed as "one of the most significant movies to come out in a decade," People's Pictures has announced that it is working on an adaptation of Alvaria City Tribune reporter Kelly Halderman's book What's Mine Is Mine: The Battle Over Fabrication Rights Management. The popular non-fiction volume--one of the best selling books in the history of the Republic--tells the story of how the then-Big Three in the form of HT Industries, Spoor Holdings, and NORINCO attempted to use Fabrication Rights Management technologies to protect their copyrighted items through physical and digital means in the pre-Unification era, but ultimately lost after the landmark case of Hattori Hanzo Jameson v. North China Industries Corporation, which effectively spelled the death knell for FRM. It is now being adapted into a what People’s Pictures press releases have claimed is “an epic ten part miniseries about the battle between copyright defense and the changes wrought by the use of FRM.”

“I admit, it's an ambitious subject for a miniseries,” said series creator Louis Zhang, speaking from his office in Hollywood. “And one which is admittedly challenging. I mean, when you think about it, the means that the Big Three used to try and stop the anti-FRM forces is not exactly sexy. I mean, Kelly did a good job dramatizing events as they played out--that helps us--but at the same time, the gory blow-by-blow depictions of everything from the Big Three invoking federal/state prosecution against organizations and groups attempting to “crack” FRM protections, to using encryption software which required a membership plan to unlock the designs, to even inserting materials into materials produced by the various Big Three members to stop attempts at reverse engineering is not necessarily...well, all that sexy.”

However, Zhang continues to be optimistic, declaring, “Luckily for us, we’re working with Halderman on this project, and she’s got a good grasp of dramatic action and plotting. I mean, I guess that’s what a degree in drama gets you. Anyway, we’re confident this is going to work.”

Other reasons to be optimistic, Zhang says, are the fact that an array of heavy hitters has been recruited to participate in the drama. This includes the casting of Lydia Forbes Cabot, the formerly retired actress famous for playing Admiral Spoor in the controversial film about the death of Admiral Cain, as Donalda Sherman--head of Mitsubishi’s Intellectual Property Protection division and mastermind behind the initial FRM offensives--as well as the casting of actress Manuela Gibson. Famous for her activities as Juanita on the “Juanita and Lyudmila Show,” she stars as the legendary gata hacker known as “Milady Trilby,” who became the mortal enemy of the FRM community and eventual victim of a mysterious auto accident widely believed to be an assasination. The latter casting choice is controversial, given Gibson’s comedic chops. However, Zhang defended the decision to cast Gibson, declaring “Timing works whether its drama or comedy. And besides, Gibson’s got experience and wanted to try something new while the Juanita and Lyudmila Show’s latest season wrapped up. It’ll work.”

Filming has already begun, and several terrestrial streets in Downtown were shut down in Los Angeles to accommodate shooting for the miniseries. It is unknown if any of the corporate players listed in Halderman’s book allowed filming at their premises but it is rumored that individuals from the then-Big Three were interviewed in the production of the miniseries. Industry veterans themselves have at any rate previously endorsed the accuracy of Halderman’s book (albeit often as anonymous sources), which does increase the chance filming will occur without incident. It should be noted that when asked to comment on the accuracy of the book and reports that individuals within their organizations were cooperating with the production staff, General Counsel for HT, Spoor Holdings and NORINCO refused to return our calls as of the time of this report.

Whatever the case, filming will proceed apace, and the miniseries is set to premiere on NDBC sometime next year.

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Raid of the Century Causes Concern

OOC: Nassau bits at request of United Star Commonwealth.

IC:

In what is being dubbed “a new front in the ongoing battle to combat slavery and sentient trafficking,” Republican Marshals officials today have placed bounties requesting information on the whereabouts of the leadership of the De Wynter Gang.

A group of pirates operating on the fringes of Freedom County and MacIntyre County thought to have migrated from Nova Louisiana County in the wake of crackdowns in the region, the Gang has become the subject of intensified law enforcement scrutiny after reports indicated that they assaulted no less than several refugee ships on a course for Steppingstones near Freedom and MacIntyre Counties. The attacks, known as the Raid of the Century, resulted in not only the theft of approximately several million dollars worth of cargo, they also resulted in the kidnapping of at least three hundred individuals. Although it is not known exactly what has happened to them, Republican Marshals agents believe that the Gang will likely either hold the hostages either for ransom, or for sale to known sentient trafficker groups such as the Testarossa Family.

The Raid of the Century, according to investigators, also shows “an unusually sophisticated level of coordination and firepower from a mere pirate group, most notably in terms of Empowered abilities and the sheer surprise involved,” and there is suspicion that the Gang has coordinated with outside powers--including individuals believed to be tied to the mysterious raiders in Luxembourgia County--in order to attain their present threat capability. In particular, investigators, debriefing survivors of the attacks, have noted that the attackers possessed a force of Viper Mk2 fighters and also seemed to act with unusually fast speed, so as to escape before the coming of Task Force 57 elements.

Already, elements of Task Force 57 have begun to pursue the De Wynter Gang, and a warrant has been issued for the arrests of the De Wynter Gang’s leadership--Himiko De Wynter and Hester De Wynter. The two are believed by authorities to be armed and dangerous, and are known to react violently to attempts to arrest them. Additionally, bounties of $5,000,000 each have been placed on each of the De Wynters’ heads and smaller bounties of $1,000,000 each have been placed on lower level officials, in the hopes someone will track the De Wynter Gang to their hideout. Finally, Task Force 57’s patrols have increased dramatically in the region, hoping to catch the Gang before it strikes again. Additionally, reports from other Nassau Accords allies indicate that the United Star Commonwealth's police and naval forces have been placed on alert, and assets are being deployed in conjunction with the Coalition fleet for the Accords.

Given that the gang is known to operate in a highly aggressive, mobile fashion, experts say it will be difficult to pinpoint where the gang’s hideout is located. However, Admiral John Parker, head of Task Force 57, assured everyone that “the perpetrators will be brought to justice, and piracy will not be tolerated against those individuals who are under the protection of the Colonial Republic.”

Menacing Sounds and Images Plague Luxembourgia County--Authorities Urge Calm

In what has become one of the more unsettling mysteries of the Great Cataclysm, authorities have urged the people of Luxembourgia County to remain calm today after what authorities describe as a “series of signal intrusions by an unknown force.” Commencing approximately one week ago, the signal intrusions have consisted of loud screeching sounds, screaming, mysterious chanting in an unknown language, as well as images of violence and other graphic, disturbing imagery.

The signal intrusions have grown more frequent and disturbing in recent days, and the people of Luxembourgia have begun to demand an answer to the crisis from everyone from various Holonet Service Providers to the Order and even the Republican Marshals. Said one individual who refused to be named for the camera, “I swear to God, if I have to hear another cry of ‘SHE WANTS YOUR SOUL’ uttered by some blasphemous image while I try to eat my cornflakes, I’m cancelling my cable subscription. This is ridiculous!”

The Temple of Hammertongs, in a statement today, has asked that all Ordermen report for duty and for all citizens to “remain calm while the Order and civil authorities begin preparations to combat what has become a deeply disconcerting supernatural menace.” Ordermen and civilians alike could be seen working overtime in the County today, performing all sorts of tasks ranging from upgrades to local broadcasting centers with components blessed by Empowered clergymen from multiple religions to the affixing of protective fu paper seals. Citizens are also being encouraged to have their electronics magi-proofed for the duration as well, and Ordermen can be seen going from house to house. Rumor has it that certain powerful Ordermen are on route to deal with the Crisis, and patrols have been stepped up in the region to deal with the pirates.

When asked if the signal disruptions are related to the recent increase in piracy in the region, the head of the Luxembourgia County Emergency Taskforce, General Palmer, would only declare, “Yes. It’s terroristic threatening, and I think we need to do something about it.” As to why the pirates would engage in such disturbing psychological warfare, the rationale is presently unknown. Speculation rages from mere malevolence, to pranksters run amok, to even, in the words of a mysterious woman in white who spoke to our Los Angeles reporter, “A great enemy from another dimension who seeks her return to our dimension--and one we must stop.”

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[/quote]

[Allanea]

Official Message from House Blaken-Kazansky

Due to our recent participation in the successful arms deal between Allanean Defense Exports and the Royal Empire of the Lemons, we have decided to spend a section of our profits to erect a range of institutions in the allied country of New Dornalia, to strengthen the bonds of culture and friendship that binds our countries together. For this purpose, we would like to formulate the following charities and grants:

1. Endowing, to the sum of 2 billion dollars, a House of Prussian Friendship in San Francisco, New Dornalia. This facility will house a library of Greater Prussian literary and philosophical works, and work on the history of the major Greater Prussian States (New Dornalia, Allanea, Menelmacar, Reichskamphen, and others), as well as providing courses of study in major Prussian languages. A gallery of Allanean, Menelmacari, Dornalian and other Greater Prussian art will be also located on the premises. Further, the House of Prussian Friendship will issue scholarships and grants to students and researchers from New Dornalia wishing to study abroad in other Greater Prussia states, and to students and researchers from other countries wishing to study the history and culture of New Dornalia.

2. Endowing, to the sum of 50 million dollars apiece, Departments of Allanean History in the twenty finest colleges in New Dornalia, to include, at a minimum, all Dornalian Ivy colleges.

3. Moreover and beyond that, Her Imperial Majesty, Cassiopeia Blaken-Kazansky, wishes to establish an annual Kazansky Prize in the Arts and Sciences, to be issued to leading young researchers in the following categories - History, Archaeology, Paleontology, Medicine, Wizardry, Psionics, Physics, and Engineering. For the purposes of fairness, the jury will be composed of Dornalian professors in the appropriate discipline.

Once again, we wish to thank the Dornalians for their friendship.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

House of Prussian Friendship to Be Built in San Francisco

OOC: The Batorys gets a co-writing credit for research assistance!

IC:

In what has been deemed "a most unusual development," the House of Prussian Friendship has begun construction in San Francisco, Earth SSR. The result of a massive grant by the House of Blaken-Kazansky as well as the Prussian Friendship Organic Act passed by the Congress last week, the House of Prussian Friendship is designed to serve as combination language school, art museum and administrative hub for scholarships designed to allow Dornalians to study abroad in other Greater Prussian states--hereinafter the “Blaken-Kazansky Scholarship”--and for other Greater Prussian members to study in Dornalian universities--known as the “MacIntyre Scholarship.”

The House of Prussian Friendship will be located on Treasure Island, an artificial island built in the pre-Apocalypse era which served as an artillery post during the Great Northern Gata War. As part of the construction of the House of Prussian Friendship, a massive investment is being made to clean up the island and to connect it with existing transportation infrastructure, including Bay Area Rapid Transit lines. In fact, the Haggar Administration and the DornDOT has announced that as part of the construction efforts, a companion project to be solely funded and operated by DornDOT means that the Bay Area will not only see upgrades and extensions around Treasure Island, but also upgrades in infrastructure in totality across the region to “embrace cleaner, more efficient means of getting people and goods to where they need to be.”

Per the Friendship Foundation--the group created by the Prussian Friendship Organic Act to manage the facility--special attention will be given to ensuring resistance to earthquakes and dealing with residual pollution in the soil and the renovation of existing housing facilities into “appropriately luxurious and sustainable facilities.” Additionally, famous architect Samuel Lefarge is being contracted to design the House, and released plans have indicated that the facility will embrace what is being called a “truly sci-fi look.”

Residents in San Francisco and the surrounding cities have been mostly receptive to the House. In particular, one individual living on Treasure Island was quoted anonymously as saying that the renovations to BART trains and other forms of local transport will be “much appreciated,” along with the work to be done on Treasure Island itself. Additionally, analysts from Stamford University have noted that the area is likely to see a significant economic boost due to infrastructure investment and also the influx of jobs and tourist revenues which will come into the region. Indeed, the Friendship Foundation has already begun soliciting potential hires, although many of these for now will work in a temporary facility rented in nearby San Jose until the project is complete.

However, some criticism of the project does exist. A local chapter of the Citizens Raging Against Powermongers association has raised concerns regarding the impact of the projects on San Francisco Bay. Additionally, Elaine Tejada of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors--known to be aligned with the Verdant Front coalition--in a DornTube video questioned “if the House of Prussian Friendship’s values and overall effects on the region will really be a good match for the people of the Bay Area.”

Construction is expected to take some time, but the two scholarships are already taking applications and it has been confirmed that the Order of the Vanguards will make what is only called a “substantial” donation to the operating funds of the Scholarships to “ensure the continuance of academic excellence.”

Major Bust of “Love Nectar” Distributors Made

OOC: Inspired by a discussion with Perseid Federation.

IC:

In what has been hailed as one of the largest drug smuggling busts in the history of the Republic, 23 individuals--ranging from doctors in so-called “pill mills,” to an entire insurance office, a banker engaged in money laundering, and even a hired assassin--were arrested in the town of Suffield, in New Magnitogorsk County today. The 23 individuals have been indicted by a grand jury in Federal court for crimes ranging from attempted murder, to conspiracy to commit insurance fraud and wire fraud, and most importantly violation of federal and County law for “failing to comply with the anti-drug diversion provisions of the Fujikawa-Shaw Pharmaceutical Tax Act.” Additionally, multiple County charges are rumored to be planned as well.

According to documents obtained from Federal authorities, the 23 individuals involved were allegedly part of a group known simply as “Love Shack, Inc.” The group, run out of a bakery known as “the Love Shack,” was alleged to be the masterminds of an elaborate scheme to use corrupted doctors and insurance adjusters to divert multiple types of drugs to a laboratory run by the Love Shack Gang, which would then convert the drugs into a variant of the potent street drug known as “Love Nectar,” which is believed to have originated as a “bootlegged” and highly adulterated version of a commercial medication invented in New Hajarra County. The “Love Nectar” would then be distributed using coded messages on a variety of Holonet sources, often accepting currencies such as cryptocurrencies and even Axis Gold as payment and then moving the shipments of Love Nectar to and from New Magnitogorsk using special couriers, disguised as baked goods and other items.

Anonymous sources as well as the documents obtained by Dornie News Network have confirmed that the Love Shack’s Love Nectar was, by far, the most potent variant of this street drug on record. Said one Marshal, who insisted we keep him anonymous, “I’ve encountered a lot of Love Nectar over the years. Some crackpot lamia in New Hajarra County brews together some aphrodisiacs, pills to address dysfunction down there and stimulants normally found in combat drugs and then bakes it into cookies. Next thing you know, everyone wants a crack at this shit and people start dying of heart attacks--when they haven’t died of entire energy cells emptied into them due to the temporary psychosis involved. But this version? Shit actually broke our testing scales. No joke.”

Federal and County authorities--ranging from the Immigration and Common Border Authority, Republican Marshals, agents of the Revenue Management Service’s Special Review Team, the New Magnitogorsk County Sheriff’s Department and even local police--seized and hauled away a record $60,000,000 of the drug, both in pill form and baked into the shape of various pastries and cookies.

While the seizure is considered one of the biggest busts on record, Marshals Director Kim Johansen warned, “This is just a drop in the bucket. As long as people crave a party drug of extremely high, even reckless potency, then we’re going to be seeing Love Nectar on the streets for a long time yet.” The original creator of Love Nectar, Dr. Donaldina von Eyck, merely said of the bust, “Every bootleg pill seized which is an adulterated perversion of my original concept makes me smile. I would destroy every one of those bootlegs if I could.”

Broederbund Front Names Christine Chan as Head, Controversy Erupts

OOC: Riemaia gets credit for providing the city of Hickory, NC as a viable origin place.

IC:

In what is considered a major sea change, prominent televangelist and self-styled “businesswoman of the Lord” Christine Chan was named the Broederbund Front’s party chairman and future presidential candidate. Standing proud in front of a large crowd of people at a rally in Salt Lake City, Earth SSR, Chan addressed the onlookers with a simple charge, calling on them to “resist the lure of craven ‘awesomeness’ and empty materialism, and instead to build a better Dornalia.”

A very human televangelist and businessperson hailing from Hickory, North Carolina on Earth SSR known for her heterochromia, adoption of what one person called a “cute and charming” aesthetic and an active social media presence, Chan’s election is a signal to many analysts that the Broederbund Front is serious about broadening its appeal to a much wider audience, and in the eyes of those familiar with the movement, really the culmination of an entire process which has seen the movement elect its first Congresspeople outside of the party’s traditional stronghold of New Hokkaido County.

Says the New Sapporo Shimbun’s Rokuro Tagawa, who has covered the Broederbund Front since its early rise to power after the Civil War, “This all makes sense, really. I mean, they’re not the same ethnonationalist party as they used to be when I first covered their leadership. Used to be Broederbund Party was all about making Afrikaans the standard--or at least dominant--language of New Hokkaido County, as well as also enacting measures designed to alleviate the perceived ‘culture gap’ between the formerly dominant Atelander settlers--Japanese, American so on--and the increasing majority of the Afrikaner Elves. Now, they’re appealing to other faiths besides Elven Calvinism, adopting a ‘Fair is Fair’ economic platform, and even forging alliances with other likeminded social conservative-economic centrists. Why, not but ten years ago, you couldn’t see them working with Christian Democrats. And yet a few years back, they waltzed into the big Christian Democratic assembly in Munich and left with new friends and political allies--and all by not speaking of Jesus and speaking of social justice instead. It’s almost impossible to conceive otherwise.”

Although Chan’s election signifies a shift to broad-spectrum politics for the Group, analysts say that the Group faces many obstacles, including a popularity which is in a distant third place compared to the Democratic Alliance and the Grand National Party. One of the most significant obstacles is the fact that the Group has faced suspicion regarding the roles of fundamentalists within its ranks--and the naming of the very conservative Christine Chan as Party Chairman has only increased the criticisms. Additionally, the Group also must contend with a legacy of being considered a party which appeals mostly to one part of the Republic’s population. Still, the Broederbund Group is poised to make waves, and as to why Tagawa would only say, “Well, I’m not sure of the exact reason--and I wouldn’t call them popular, they’re still a distant third behind the Grand Nationals and the Democratic Alliance--but knowing what I know? You got people that are concerned about what their stake is in the future of the Republic--especially with the Cataclysm going on and the universe growing crazier by the minute.”

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[/quote][/quote]

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Gatas in New Star City hold Sixth Annual Gata Carnival

In what is being called one of the largest festivals of its kind, the Ft. Rockey Neck Military Reservation near New Star City’s capital city, Lewisville, is once again playing host to the Big Gata Carnival. Originally started as a mix of “old timey county fair” and “traditional celebration of Gata culture,” the festival attracts hundreds of thousands of people not just from Lewisville itself, but also from all over New Star City and neighboring Counties as well.

True to form, the festival features everything from the usual carnival games and rides, to items more specifically linked to the Gatas. These include foods based on Gata cuisine such as roast pork, tacos al trabajadores (a dish invented by Gatas during the Pre-MacIntyre period consisting of a deep fried flour tortilla shell upon which rice, beans, and a little bit of meat, usually a type of luncheon meat) and finally Pollo de Jacinta--essentially a type of grilled chicken fajita with extra lemon pepper and other modifications. There are also musical performances and comedy shows, with this year’s show to be headlined by the cast of the “Juanita and Lyudmila Show,” who are conducting their “Very Dangerous and Very Silly Tour” consisting of both original material, improv, and well-known skits from the award-winning TV show.

The Carnival’s main highly also includes what has become known as the “Gatalympics.” A massive sport competition which involves prizes going to the charity of one’s choice, the “Gatalympics” features events such as Silverado Racing--a form of vehicular biathlon using technicals which would have existed at the time of the Jacintaist Wars and other unique rules--Artillery Marksmanship using copies of pre-Apocalypse 105mm and 155mm Artillery pieces known as “Jacinta Guns,” and finally events involving that traditional Gata martial art, Escrima del Norte, which and without the traditional fighting sticks. Teams are coming from all over the Republic for the Gatalympics, and rumor has it that Manuela Gibson and the rest of the cast of the “Juanita and Lyudmila Show” are going to participate in the Artillery Marksmanship Challenge to raise funds for the United Gata College Fund. Said Gibson, “I mean, I’m glad to be here, I’ve been here before as a kid, and well, it’s going to be a fun time for everyone. Besides, who would turn down a taco al trabajador from Manuelito’s Taco Stand? A communist, that’s what.”

Expedition to be Launched Into “Dead Man’s Gate” Near Luxembourgia

In what is being dubbed “critical action to stop the tide of pirates assaulting Luxembourgia,” DoD sources have announced that an expeditionary force will be sent through the “Dead Man’s Gate” near Luxembourgia. Believed to be the source of the pirate forces making raids and psychological intimidation attempts on the County, the “Dead Man’s Gate” was once a gateway to the now-lost Terran Social Republic, a former Dornalian protectorate with which contact was lost during the Civil War.

In order to combat the threat--and to answer speculation as to whether forces based in the former TSR are behind the raids--a joint Order-Naval Corps of Engineers expedition will be launched through the Dead Man’s Gate. Lead by the CRS Ellison, the expedition, known as “Task Force Ellison,” will go through the portal and attempt to document and make contact with whatever is on the other side. A force of Naval Corps of Engineers vessels, including Constitution-Farrell class long-range exploration ships, and the CRS Chakri Naruebet Mercury-Cain Battlestar will be sent through the Gate, upon which a significant contingent of Mastersmiths and other Ordermen will be based. The Ordermen themselves are expected to be high level mages, whose expertise will prove useful for the mission ahead.

Said one member of the expedition, the famous Kirin professor Albert Wong Fong-Shek, in his famously plain speaking style, “Look, man. I think it’s time we stopped being reactive and started being proactive. I mean, y’all can say these pirates are technological, or daemonic, or whatever. But I think that if y’all want to put this issue to bed? You gotta confront it head on. And right now, we’re doing that.”

Verdant Front Adopts “Liverpool Manifesto,” Malgravean Foreign Minister Speaks

OOC: Reymont’s dialogue provided by Malgrave himself.

IC:

In what was dubbed “record attendance” by Verdant Front press releases, the city of Liverpool played host to a very packed political convention hosted by the Verdant Front. With a Verdant Front flag draped over the entrance--a red hand clasping a green hand in what appears to be an arm wrestling pose over a stylized galaxy--ACC Liverpool played host to the party faithful for three days of panels, speakers and other events designed around themes of environmental stewardship, popular welfare and economic as well as social justice.

One of those speakers was no less than the Malgravean Foreign Minister herself, Eliot Reymont. Addressing Verdant Fronters in one of the convention hall’s auditoriums, Minister Reymont--who belongs to the Progressive Unity Party’s left-wing faction--said among her words, “...I'd like to finish off my remarks by extending my support and solidarity to those fighting for single-payer heatlhcare, so that no one in this country will have to face the possibility of death because short-term corporate greed takes precedence over saving lives, and also to the union activists I met with earlier that are fighting for a decent living wage and a strong healthy union. As I said earlier, in Malgrave we have quality single-payer healthcare, tuition free higher education, full employment, strong unions and a living wage. Why have these accomplishments been made in my homeland, but not here? It's because the corrupt capitalist model will attempt to destroy anything that threatens its bloated profit margins. In Malgrave we have destroyed the immoral system of capitalism and replaced it with our own model, one that insures prosperity while maintaining social and environmental equality. I have faith that you should be able to achieve a similar goal, and bring equality, freedom and awesomeness to every Dornalian citizen.”

In addition to Minister Reymont’s address, another significant event at the convention was that the Verdant Front’s membership adopted what commentators are officially calling the “Liverpool Manifesto.” Approved with a nearly unanimous vote, the Manifesto consists of a fourteen point platform which includes among other items “reforms of Dornalian defense policy such as the decommissioning of Interstellar Cruise Missiles and changes to defense procurement and spending,” “reforms to the Dornalian healthcare system to replace a complicated network of Federal and County spending initiatives with a National Health Service for all Dornalians,” and finally “increased government involvement in the economy to ensure accountability for large corporations--including the Big Five Megacorps--through reforms in taxation, financial regulation and environmental regulation as well as the strengthening of union bargaining power.” An accompanying White Paper, made available on the Holonet, goes into further details as to what would be involved, including political coalition building designed to at the very least ensure the Front’s initiatives have a chance in the Congress.

Analysts have noted that the Liverpool Manifesto, as well as the accompanying White Paper, offer what is being called “one of the more ambitious party platforms in the history of any Dornalian political party.” However, analysts have also cautioned that the Verdant Front’s political strength may not be enough to accomplish much of what it wants to do, particularly as it is one of the smaller parties of the Republic. In particular, University of Luxembourgia polls have noted that the Verdant Front’s overall membership and popularity trails that of the two biggest coalitions--the Grand National Party and the Democratic Alliance--as well as other so-called “third” parties including the center-left United Alternative Force.

Additionally, while the government is officially remaining mum on Minister Reymont’s remarks, others have not been as reticent. In particular, the conservative Luxembourgian Standard declared Reymont’s remarks “ill-advised, ill-timed, and aimed at an audience of fantasists.” In contrast, the left-leaning blog Martian Journal declared, “Minister Reymont’s words do sting, but in a place where a soulless megacorporation can sell cigarettes with trilithium resin--a poison no less--she may have a point.”

Nonetheless, in the best Dornalian tradition, the Verdant Front, in the words of Coalition Chairman Joanna O’Halloran, “will push on and continue to act as the voice for social justice in a Republic which seems to care more about getting rich and building 16km SSDs than building a better society for all Dornalians. We want a fairer, equal society. Is that not worth having?”

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[New Dornalia]

[quote="New Dornalia";p="32539565"]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Santiphap Hosts Corvid Cream Classic, VitaFortis Championship In the Same City

In what is being called an "extremely unfortunate and awkward coincidence," the city of Santiphap City, on the world of Santiphap in New Monterrey County, has become host to two different Empowered martial arts competitions at once, sponsored by rival soft drinks. Known as the "Corvid Cream Classic" and the "VitaFortis Championship" after their respective sponsors, the two martial arts tournaments have made it a point to have their respective competitions occur in different cities.

The ostensible reason for such a gentleman’s agreement is to "avoid difficulties with logistics and local authorities," in the words of an official Corvid Cream press release. However, individuals who have attended previous events have reported that the real reason for the choice of seperate cities is the intense rivalry between the two brands of sports drinks, to the point of occasional conflict. In the case of the last time the two competitions were held in the same city, the Philadelphia Police Department contended with what was called “one of the nastiest sports riots in the history of the city,” the consequences of which included failed attempts to restrict alcohol sales during major sports events as well as the reestablishment of the “Eagles Court” in major sports arenas.

In this case, it appears that an oversight by the New Monterrey Sports and Gaming Regulatory Committee is the cause of the two competitions being held in the same town. To the relief of all concerned, the competitions are being held in two different stadiums--the MacIntyre Memorial Stadium on the West Side of town for the Corvid Cream Classic, and the Veterans Convention Center on the East Side of town for the VitaFortis Championship. In order to anticipate potential trouble, reports indicate that Santiphap City Police and New Monterrey Sheriff's Department have stepped up patrols around the areas surrounding each stadium. Additionally, police forces have announced “increased traffic patrols and collaboration with Transit Division to keep our buses and trams safe.” Additionally, given that the competitions attract a large number of Empowered fans, police have brought over extra Sierra India Devices.

Anonymous sources within the Santiphap City Police indicate that while it is normal to provide extra security for sporting events and public events, the concern is, to quote one officer who wished to be anonymous, "that these two drink fandoms are so diametrically opposed and have so much combativeness and testosterone in ‘em, that who knows what’ll happen? It could be like Philadelphia all over again. And the last thing we need is to clean up tons of spilled dairy product from the subways. We saw what happened with their buses—stunk for years after the riot of crow’s egg and milk. Never again.”

Fight organizers themselves are also preparing for a crowd, especially as a record number of tickets have been sold to both competitions. This is especially as the Corvid Cream Classic is expected to witness what is being dubbed “The Battle of the Unstoppables” between the famous gata fighter Frida “Fast Hands” Maldonado—a practitioner of Quebecois Qigong, known for its emphasis on endurance and delivering hard hitting strikes--and legendary Gorn fighter Rakar aka “Hardbody,” known for a no nonsense, slow moving style of strikes and grapples paired with legendary endurance.

Likewise, the VitaFortis Championship is hosting the “Great Catfight,” with sisters Diane and Donalda Huerta competing against one another for the championship prize.

Turn Left Coalition and Grand National Dornalian Workers Party Elements Clash in Nickopolis County

At least fifty to sixty combined members of the Turn Left Coalition and Grand National Dornalian Workers' Party today were arrested in the North Harwood district of Nickopolis City, after what Nickopolis Police Department officials called a “serious riot”.

According to police reports and eyewitness reports, the riot occurred when members of the two parties confronted one another in front of Colonel Jam’s, a nightclub and venue where a group known as Rock For Humankind was scheduled to play. The group has been controversial in the past, most notably when its frontman Casey DeWynter called on his fans to “Boycott that mutie bastard Wallace” on DornTube in reply to comments made by Hajarran popstar Chase Wallace regarding DeWynter’s use of symbols from the now-banned Humanity First movement in his most recent album. Nonetheless, Colonel Jam’s chose to book the controversial act, the club’s owner Tommy Dolan saying to reporters before the concert, “We think his personal politics is full of shit, but we believe in freedom of speech. Fuck, we’ve even let in commies and the Silly Party and their bands here. Besides, they try to start anything, we’ll be ready and so will the cops.”

Needless to say, the booking resulted in a massive three way brawl, where private security hired by Colonel Jams—believed to be agents from Swire-Blufor Security—and the Nickopolis City PD worked to suppress armed fighters from the Grand National Dornalian Workers Party and the Turn Left Coalition. Police reports indicate that around the beginning of Rock for Humankind’s setlist, agents of both political parties armed with what appeared to be baseball bats, phasers set on stun, and even katanas began attacking one another, forcing police and concert organizers to end the concert early and engage the members of both parties in direct combat. At one point, witnesses even reported the presence of a power-loader suit by Swire-Blufor personnel to beat back a group of GNDWP agents with its claws.

Currently, trials are underway, and the city of Nickopolis City has seen increased police patrols throughout the city. Still, both parties have refused to quit, and have even taken the opportunity to further call attention to their respective causes. NDBC interviewed one GNDWP member standing in front of the Nickopolis City Courthouse in solidarity with what the Party calls “The Twenty Five Prisoners of Conscience,” who chose to identify himself as “A. Freeman,” sporting an unusually close crew cut, a khaki uniform and wielding a Thompson submachinegun at a low ready position, “We want a New Dornalia which is free from pernicious mutie influence—by force if necessary--where those of pure human blood can be free to live in peace without the muties and the xenos imposing their ways upon us. If you ask me, these men were prisoners of conscience, political prisoners whose only crime was defending their right to express their desire to live in a mutie-free world!” Turning to the crowd, Mr. Freeman then shouted to his colleagues, “Semper Victoriam!” with a raised fist in the air, before he was escorted out by men in power armor.

Likewise, the members of the Turn Left Group turned out in force, wearing black and red clothing and wielding rifles of their own. One of them, a “Comrade Engels,” spoke to NDBC News. A Tentaculan female wearing a leather jacket with the visage of Mao Zedong on the back, a red bandanna, black beret and sunglasses around her face, and carrying a Kalashnikov, Comrade Engels would only say to us, pointing her gun at our reporter and shaking it as if to make a point, “Brother, wake the fuck up. We are at war! We, the People’s Liberation Front of New Dornalia are waging a people’s war on crony capitalism, inequality, patriarchy, and we’re going to work with the people to bring power back to them! Brother, it was the great pre-Apocalypse sage Chairman Mao that said ‘political power comes from the barrel of a gun,’ that we must continually struggle against classist and reactionary forces. And brother, those reactionaries out there in front of us—those jackbooted fascist thugs—are deserving of nothing but force. They preach human power! We’re gonna make them prove it!” The group then raised their rifles, only to have one of their ranks declare, “Wait, wait? I thought we were the vanguard party, you bitch!”

“We-we are working among the mass line--”

“NO, we are the Vanguard Party!”

“Fucking DPLF revisionists--”

At that point, the scene grew ominously violent, and they too were forced to leave.

Analysts say behavior such s the “Battle of Colonel Jam’s” has turned many Dornalian voters away from either group, although as political scientist Mike Reischauer at the University of Connecticut said, “Frankly to the average Dornalian—the extreme ideologies which are violent and either racist or omnicidal is a major turnoff for both the Turn Lefters and the GNDWP. I mean, would you want to vote for a fragmented group of Communists that seems to enjoy devouring itself and focusing more on warfare than actual reform? Would you vote for a group of racist, specieist lowlifes, especially if you’re one of the Empowered majority? I don’t think so.”

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

The commercial itself opens with the visage of a young woman. She has prominent cat ears on her head, and a tail, all of them pink. Her face bears considerable East Asian ancestry--Japanese especially--mixed with overtones of Mexican-Filipino ancestry as well.

She stands in a silk kimono, with gold fringes, and a regal shade of purple without any designs inside of it. The kimono is partially opened, revealing a form-fitting leather top underneath which covers everything quite appropriately--and yet with a flattering sense of body shape. She wields a parasol, and has a calico cat next to her. The woman is standing in a tranquil Japanese garden, with a small bridge over a stream, carefully manicured gardens, and a rock garden with a rake in it.

The woman is sitting on a low bench, and sipping tea. She looks at the camera, and declares in a soft, comforting voice--echoing the sort of voice used by many women in ASMR videos, but at a normal speaking volume--”Oh, hi there. I’m Doctor Jacqueline Hosokawa. And I wanted to ask you a question.”

The commercial would then cut to a number of images, with Hosokawa providing a voiceover. They are in black and white, and are short clips of men and women suffering from various sorts of maladies. Some can be seen massaging their low backs. Some can be seen sitting at the ends of beds, frustrated--as their partners look worried and try to offer support.

“Do you suffer from a...personal illness? Or back pain? Or even migraines? Or any other illness?”

The image would then cut back to Dr. Hosokawa, who would then say, with a sly raise of the eyebrow and a smile to match, “We can help you get your mojo back.”

The image would then cut to another montage. Still images panned and zoomed across, like in a Ken Burns documentary, can be seen. These consist of unusually attractive men and women with cat ears and tails--or even wolf/dog’s ears and tails--dressed in doctor’s and nurses outfits performing a variety of procedures with their clients. Most of the procedures consist of what look like massages or palm strikes or even acupuncture being performed upon the paitents. However, around each image, an aura can be seen, and in some imagery what looks like electriical energy or even flames can be seen coming outside the fingertips of the people in the images. Dr. Hosokawa continues her voiceover, unabated.

“At Dr. Hosokawa's Accupasteurization Clinic, we can help you get back on your feet. What’s our secret?”

The images now cut to short b-roll footage of ninjas clad in black garb, with Chinese jians and kung fu techniques which are obviously not Japanese, who are performing the same massages and therapies as in the initial footage. Leading them is a man clad in the robes of a Buddhist monk….with a feather headdress who instructs them sagely. The man is obviously not a real Native American, and neither is the headdress or the robes. Dr. Hosokawa continues.

“The ancient art of Accupasteurization. Invented centuries ago by Chinese ninjas at an Indian-run monastery, the art of Accupasteurization uses hands on scientific manipulation of life energies at various pressure points to reduce back pain, improve the health of joints, and to cure all manner of ills in just several easy visits. And if it takes more than that, we won’t stop. Ever. Just listen to these satisfied customers!”

Images of obviously bored and unenthusiastic patients come by. One of them stops and turns into a video, with the woman declaring, “I was stuck in a loveless marraige, especially since I got injured at work when my powered exoskeleton suffered a catastrophic failure. Now, thanks to Dr. Hosokawa, I can live a normal life.” Another image appears, with a bored, aging, obese man going, “Yeah, man. Dr. Hosokawa’s people helped me out with my bad neck. Insurance company told me to eff off, so I got a payment plan from her people and with their Maintenance Therapy program, my neck feels like new!”

Dr. Hosokawa stands up and begins moving daintily with her parasol and cat on her shoulder, holding her tea. “Why wait? Especially when we offer you a free initial visit and the ability to accept most insurance benefits. Got no insurance? Then take advantage of one of our convenient payment plans. Either way, we won’t let your lack of resources stop you from getting the help you need. Just visit any of our convenient locations around the Republic today, and get the help you deserve.”

She then stops and looks at the screen, with contact information flashing across it and the name of her clinic. There’s also a large number of warnings, including “Not approved by the Food and Drug Administration” as well as “Results may vary.”

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Army and Marines Announce Adoption of M20 Mobile Gun System

OOC: Approved by Sunset.

In a move which represents yet another chapter in the Colonial Republic’s complicated relationship with Armored Vehicles, the BLAND Corporation’s DefenseWatch newsletter reported that the Army will adopt a new family of armored fighting vehicles to replace a myriad array of designs presently in service.

According to DefenseWatch and official Army and Marine Corps press releases, the new family of vehicles is to be dubbed the Universal Mechanized Vehicle series. Although no mention is made of it in official Army literature, DefenseWatch and records obtained from the Department of Defense confirm that the Universal Mechanized Vehicle is centered around a platform licensed from the Jer’Don Military Industrial Company known as the Kodiak II system. Featuring a two-man load out and a sophisticated automated turret, the Kodiak II was chosen due to its simplicity and its comparatively low cost.

The centerpiece of the new family of AFVs is the M20 Jacinta Mobile Gun System, named after the gata general which conquered much of Latin America in the years after the Atomic Apocalypse, built by HT Industries’s BAe Systems division’s plant outside of Olympus Mons, Mars County. DoD records indicate that it is to be a version of the Kodiak II using Dornalian weapons and modifications, including the addition of a new point defense mount behind the main turret and the installation of Dornalian-made fire control systems and optics designed to make up for the original model’s shortcomings. Addiitionally, records indicate that a number of variants are planned for release, including the M21 Ki’che Air Defense Vehicle--which utilizes a new, Dornalian-designed turret containing four 20mm Gauss Miniguns and a series of repeating blasters, a replicating proton torpedo launcher and a new DRADIS system, and a heavily modified IFV variant known as the M25 Silverado which features a remote weapons system with multiple repeating blasters, a Mk. 23 Directed Energy Weapon for anti-armor work, and a brand new troop carrying compartment suitable for holding ten men.

The adoption of a brand new system of armored fighting vehicles has analysts noting that it represents a significant step forward in ensuring the Dornalian military not only has modern equipment, but also one set of equipment instead of a myriad of different designs. However, critics have questioned the cost of the program, which is meant to replace existing Rhino APCs, Wellington and Leman Russ tanks, and also Predator IFVs in the Dornalian arsenal on a gradual, one for one basis. In particular, House Armed Services Committee member Roland Lefacheux (VF-NOL) has expressed concerns that “the Dornalian Army is once again attempting to try and spend taxpayer money on AFVs that it’s not even sure it really wants and which may be being asked to do too much at once.”

Doctor Jacqueline Hosokawa Arrested at “Accupasteurization” Clinic

In what has surprised absolutely nobody, authorities detained famous Los Angeles-area healer Dr. Josephine Hosokawa today in a surprise raid of her main office by Republican Marshals agents, LA Sheriff’s Department officers and deputized Ordermen from the Temple of Greater Los Angeles. Republican Marshals agents also raided several other clinics owned and operated by Dr. Hosokawa across the Republic, in what federal authorities, the LA Sheriff’s Department and the Order of the Vanguards have dubbed “Operation Invisible Touch.”

According to a copy of the complaint and warrant obtained by NDBC News, authorities have reason to believe that Dr. Hosokawa’s chain of “accupasteurization” clinics--a controversial form of massage therapy/chiropractic care which has been dubbed “pseudoscience of the highest order” by the Dornalian Medical Association and said to be “merely chiropractic techniques with Empowered abilities” by the Dornalian Chiropractic Society--has actually operated as a legal front for an elaborate prostitution operation. Although prostitution is legal in the CRE, the clinics apparently have been operating contrary to federal and county laws that regulate the trade, covering matters such as truth in advertising, sanitation and so on.

In particular, the complaint, citing multiple undercover probes, has alleged that among other acts, “the defendants have engaged in the hiring and employment of individuals without properly ensuring their medical licensure,” and have “repeatedly filed paperwork meant to mislead federal and county authorities as to the nature of their enterprises.” The accusations within the complaint and the warrant are multiple, and some are not fit to print. However, one of the most damning accusation is that some of Dr. Hosokawa’s employees set up what the report tacfully calls, “an illlegal gambling ring focused on the summoning of extradimensional creatures through Empowered abilities for underground competitions.” The complaint further alleges Dr. Hosokawa knew of and even profited from the gambling which occurred. Sources within the Temple of Greater Los Angeles say that indeed, it was the illicit gambling ring which got the attention of the Order and federal authorities when a tape containing footage of summoning events was provided anonymously to the Temple.

For her part, Dr. Hosokawa has remained silent, merely issuing a statement through her attorney that “all accusations against me are mere allegations that are not proven. Dr. Hosokawa’s Accupasteurization Clinic solely operated as a place designed to cure ills through a bold, unusual technique developed by Chinese ninjas trained in Indian monasteries, and any misbehavior from our employees was solely their fault alone. I am confident I will be vindicated in a court of law.”

Additionally, the Medical Board of Earth SSR is moving to potentially suspend or even permanently revoke Dr. Hosokawa’s license, which appears to be a chiropractic practitioner’s license. We will keep you updated as the story changes.

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories on this Christmas Day:

Man Wins Massive Chili Cookoff

In what is being hailed as "a very meaty celebration of the season," local Graceland County resident Harold Mak has won the Annual Big -Boldly Festival's Massive Chili Cookoff. An annual holiday tradition in Graceland County reflective of how elements of both traditional Dornalian Christmases and Dystean Dystemases introduced by kobolds and their descendants living in the area have become mixed, the Big -Boldly Festival is a weeklong celebration featuring carnival games, discounted shopping at local vendors, a kobold festival involving various competitions, and a chili cookoff which takes place on December 25 emceed by both Santa Claus and Father Dystemas as well as a panel of the Republic's finest chili cooks.

Standing on the podium as he received the Golden Chilibold, a statue shaped like a kobold standing near a cooking pot with a chef's apron and hat, Mak proclaimed that his success was due to what he dubs, "A secret chili recipe, involving high quality beef ground precisely, a secret spice mix which involves cumin, and a whole lotta elbow grease and no beans." Mak could then be seen bowing to the crowd, and directing the audience to "eat up!"

Says Mayor Fred Gunderson of Anneliville, who was seen eating a bowl of Mak's chili, "Honestly, the Chili Cookoff is one of the biggest draws of the holiday season. And it's not hard to see why. It combines holiday cheer, spicy food, and also meaty, hearty food--something that everyone can agree on, no matter what sentient they are." As if to underscore his point, several kobolds, including one policebold named Officer Gnomekicker, could be seen waiting in line for chili. Said Gnomekicker of the opportunity to have the chili, "Is good opportunity. Especially since this chili is moobold only. No beans--only jerknoms put beans in chili!" The other kobolds could be seen visibly retching at the prospect of beans in chili, shaking their heads in disapproval of the idea.

No word yet on what Mr. Mak intends to do with Chili Cookoff prize, but Mak promises to “continue cooking and maybe even set up a restaurant.”

Fundamentalists and Secularists Square Off in New Sapporo

In what is being dubbed “a very strange and most un-Christmasy thing” by most of the Dornalian public, the New Sapporo Times is reporting that the old “Braai vs. Bucket” debate has once more reared its ugly head in the city of New Sapporo, the capital of New Hokkaido County. In particular, as part of what has become an annual Christmas Day tradition, members of a group known as the Coalition for Cultural Freedom have once again protested outside of Kentucky Fried Panda chain locations for the sixth year in a row. All over the County of New Hokkaido, groups of protesters could be seen outside of Kentucky Fried Panda locations, waving signs urging patrons to “Remember the Reason for the Season” and “Fried Panda Won’t Save Your Soul”. On a more positive note, many of these protesters could be seen hosting “braai” cookouts where protesters could be seen giving away grilled sausages of all sorts, with one protester saying, “Well, we’re feeding them something more fulfilling than that junk in the store there, yeah? If you’re going to feed their souls, you have to feed their bellies too. That’s just reality.”

The protests are focused on the chain’s tradition of selling “Christmas Buckets” each year from the end of November to Christmas Day. Based on a tradition imported from old Earth, the Christmas Bucket is a special meal consisting of a bucket of assorted fried Dai Lo Panda pieces mixed with a variety of sides associated with Christmas, such as sugared sweet potatoes, Christmas Pudding, and the chain’s own non-alcoholic Wassail Punch. While the Christmas Buckets have proven to be a consistent seller, they have achieved virtually cult-like status in New Hokkaido County where they are often reserved ahead of time for office Christmas parties, academic settings and even some families.

However, the tradition has run afoul of religious and social conservatives within the County’s Afrikaner Elven population which see the Buckets variously as either part of a “cheapening of Christmas”, or among more stringently conservative Afrikaner Elves, as just one more aspect of what is perceived to be “a general assault on the proud religious and cultural traditions of the Trekboer people,” to quote Professor Jan Heedermeyer of the University of New Hokkaido, an Afrikaner Elf and anthropologist who has published many works on the “Braai vs. Bucket debate.” These conservatives have found allies among other groups such as non-Elven religious and social conservatives, as well as dietitians and other concerned groups of medical professionals within New Hokkaido County, one of whom has proclaimed the Christmas Bucket a “holiday heart attack bomb.” This opposition has manifested not only in protests against the Buckets, but also attempts to ban them that have generally fizzled out. In turn, a similarly loose coalition of younger persons, non-Reformed Church religionists and secularists, urbanized Afrikaner Elves, and other humans are known to be opposed to the opposition, which has lead to difficulties in the past.

Protests notwithstanding, the Buckets are expected to be a hot seller this year, same as always. In particular, some persons have named the controversy as a reason to buy the Buckets. One woman, Mamie Hosokawa, was quoted as she was buying a Bucket with her family in tow, “Those doppers [a New Hokkaidoan word for a religious fundamentalist with connotations of cultural chauvinism] have been grumbling for years about this stuff, and all the other stuff like the Anti-Occult Crimes Squad. Me? I’ll buy a bucket for my family and also for my neighbors as well. Someone’s gotta show them that well, New Hokkaido’s got more people in it than their sort. Screw the doppers, I’m eating my bleepin’ fried panda!”

New Flag Unveiled at Christmas Lighting Ceremony

In what is being called both “a travesty” and “a long-overdue refresher,” the Colonial Republic will adopt a new flag beginning on January 1. Speaking at the annual Christmas Day Address, President Haggar said today, “I think that no matter where you come from as a Dornalian, you’re going to be proud of this new, unifying national symbol. Our nation is not mired in the strife of Civil War any longer, and Congress has made the wise decision to adopt a new flag which both represents where we’ve been, and where we wish to go as a people.”

The previous flag, known as the “War Banner” or “the Ever Victorious Flag”, was the virtually unchanged flag of the Loyalists during the Dornalian Civil War. Featuring the Red Star of the then-People’s Acolytes within which a symbol of the Colony of Libris was placed (as a tribute to General Collins, whose mother was from Libris), surrounded by a Blue Sky White Sun on a blue field, which was in turn surrounded by a black border with the Chinese characters of “fire,” “water,” “wood,” and “wind” were emplaced, the banner was developed originally as a distinctive marker for General Collins’s Ever Victorious Army.

Although the flag continued to be used as the Dornalian national flag for years after the war, calls were recently made to adopt a new flag after it was discovered in April that the Republic had, for some time, actually had not legally adopted an official flag. Additionally, many Dornalians, particularly younger Dornalians such as Senator Holdo Ipmeerk of Graceland County and Representative Hermione Malan of Siristad County, urged the Republic to adopt a new flag so as to “move beyond the trauma of the Civil War and to represent what we are now.” Critics of the flag have also included Empowered groups, including some Ordermen themselves, as well as civil liberties advocates and members of the Broederbund Group who have wondered about why the Dornalian Flag uses an old symbol which could be misconstrued as sympathetic to Communism and also which seems to give undue favor to a predecessor organization of the Order of the Vanguards.

In particular, Senator Ipmeerk, author of the “National Flag Act,” argued several weeks ago, “The War Banner is a perfectly Boldly flag, as we like to say in Graceland County, and I’m certainly not wishing to denigrate the sacrifice of those who died to stop a totalitarian magocracy from being formed in our Republic. However, given the legislative oversight we now see and the opportunity before us, I think we could use a more unifying symbol that pays tribute to the past, while looking forward.”

The vote to change the flag was not noted to be an easy one, however. In the weeks leading up to Congress’s traditional December-January break, fierce debate over legislation introduced to change the flag resulted in no less than several outbreaks of violence in Congress, and one Senator was censured for attempting to use a duck call to heckle Senator Ipmeerk during a speech. Additionally, there has been debate for some time regarding whether to adopt the flag officially, or to change the flag to another one. One particularly notorious editorial in the Huntleighville Times accused those who wish to change the flag as being “those who would spit on the graves of the dead men who fought to keep our nation together” and “despicable neo-Mahdists.”

Nonetheless, the new flag will be adopted officially on January 1, and used for all state occasions. However, as a compromise, the old War Banner will continue to see use as a Naval Jack and for other specialized occasions, which has mollified many skeptics.

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

¥abber Service Takes Off

In what is proving to be a surprisingly busy week for Dornalians everywhere, the service known as "¥abber" has quickly established itself as a popular social media platform. The service, which consists of a platform wherein users can post short messages, has taken off dramatically. According to the Dornalian Business Daily, a massive spike in accounts with Dornalian IPs has been sighted on the service used by both public and private parties. This includes figures such as various heads of government, "Lady" Gracie Kurimitsu, and even Gorn MMA Fighter "Hardbody" Rakar. Although most users appear to be corporate and government services so far, a significant number of Dornalians are getting individual accounts.

As for why it has become so popular, Dornalian Business Daily noted that ¥abber is similar in concept to prior mostly-Dornalian services such as Bleeter and RapidFire, and as such ¥abber has proven easily adapted to the needs of Dornalian businesses. Additionally, when interviewed about her use of the service, Gracie had this to say:

"Yeah, I got an account. So what? Frankly, if it means I can reach more sapients out there, I'm all for it. They don't train schmucks at the Changi Naval Technology Centre, bubi. You wanna move product and take the hustle to the rest of the galaxy? Then you gotta get competitive, and adapt to the tools they're using. I mean, I dunno about you, but no one's using Bleeter anymore, for sure."

The use of the service is growing, and NDBC News has even joined in on the fray. However, analysts say that although useful, ¥abber does pose any number of risks. In particular, preliminary psychological studies have indicated it has an addictive quality, which could become problematic. Still, ¥abber looks like it is here to stay.

Competitive Dating Sim Competition Gets Violent, Ten Arrested in Brawl.

OOC: Credit goes to Roania and others on the NSFT discord for inspiring parts of this.

IC:

In what has become a topic of curiosity on the DornieNet, Los Angeles Police Department officials arrested ten men involved in a video game competition. Known as "Competitive Dating SIm Play," the object of such competitions--invented in Luxembourgia County--is to essentially play a dating simulation--a type of video game wherein one engages in interactions with a fictional character, often female and in a romantic setting--to completion to gain the best possible ending the fastest. Competitors must do so however while defending themselves from attack by other competitors, who are authorized to harass and even disrupt one another in an attempt to gain an edge in the competition. While normally good clean fun, reports indicate that these sorts of matches have occasionally gotten out of hand.

Such was the case last night in Los Angeles's Staples Center, where according to police, in one such competition involving individuals playing the game Flowers in the Wind, a dating simulator set in pre-MacIntyre Dornieland, "Hitman" Jimmy John Jimenez was the victim of an attack via a folding chair deployed by the brother of one of the other competitors, a gata named Juanita "the Ladykiller" Obregon. Tensions escalated when, according to witnesses and security camera footage, Jimenez deployed a device known as an Agonizer to defend himself, resulting in the match degenerating into what one witness dubbed, "A Godawful Clusterfuck."

We spoke to one of the competitors, "Burnin' Lover" Burnham, who was able to flee the Staples Center during the incident. Wearing what appears to be a white uniform of some sort and standing tall with an athletic build, one would not expect him to be a competitor for this sort of e-Sport. However, he was there, and he saw everything, even as he emerged the Tournament Champion by default.

"Yeah, I mean, Jimenez used the Agonizer, and then the crowd just fucking lost it. I mean, they were booing each other, and then next thing you know, three guys leap onto Alvarez and he's just fighting, man. Using the Agonizer on them and shit, as they're using brass knuckles, kicks, and a shock baton. Like, one of the really big ones that spins around and shit. Then, the other competitors get off of their machines and they begin taking sides, man. One group of guys starts helping Alvarez, the others are helping Obregon, who's leaping up with her own fists. Fists are flying, then rocks, then somehow, some guy grabs a replicator and uses it to start flinging hot dogs at people. The crowd didn't get involved, but they just kept cheering on, man, like it was part of the show. Security tried to seperate them. Saw one guy call 911 and say things were getting out of control.

Then, the cops show up and shit really goes nuts. I mean, they start throwing foam, gas, and phasers set to stun from one of those minitanks that blows through the entrance and begins trying to crowd control and a bunch of guys in riot gear. I was the last one on, so they tossed me the championship belt and I noped the fuck out of there."

The incident was widely filmed and shared over social media, with one video showing what appears to be an extended fight scene between LAPD Armored Division's armored vehicle known as "the Pig" and one of the competitors, named "Jimmy Jack Jimmerson" who could be seen actually trying to punch the vehicle in what witnesses described as "blind rage."

LAPD officials themselves maintain that the use of the Tank Police was "necessary to protect law and order." However, LAPD officials, who are currently holding the ten men in custody on charges of assault, incitement to riot, and so on, have been blasted for what has been called "Excessive Force". In particular, social media footage has shown that LAPD officials used what is allegedly a sleeperhold and a several phaser blasts to subdue Juanita Obregon, and her family has indicated that they will pursue legal action. Additionally, watchdog groups have blasted the LAPD officers on scene for allegedly "seizing the games as evidence, only to be found playing them hours later in the station rec room." LAPD officials deny this, saying any such accusations are libelous.

Doug Dubidorn Rises, Provides Challenge

In news which has shocked virtually no one, a challenger has risen to challenge Gracie Kurimitsu for the title of "Dornalia's finest hustler."

Known only as Doug Dubidorn, he runs Dubidorn Specialties, a company specializing in, as Doug's ads put it, "the finest and rarest treasures the Republic has ever seen." This includes everything from exotic foreign medicines, to rare gemstones, interesting inventions normally found on TV and even military surplus rifles from anywhere and everywhere, such as the R.u.B.

Speaking from his Van Nuys, California Regional Sales Center, Doug, a tall figure with a beard, a wan smile, slacks, a leather jacket and blue shirt along with his wife, former supermodel Elizabeth, said with a laugh, "Well, I didn't always start out as a pitchman. I used to work in insurance! Hated it. So, I decided to make money and be my own boss." Gesturing to himself with his thumbs, Doug added, "Because trust me. No one's telling this guy what to do.....except for this guy. Dig it?"

Such is his sense of wanting to control his own destiny his way that when he appeared on Up All Night, With Bobby Proust, he charmed an entire audience into buying Doug Dubidorn's latest item--the Agonizer. Standing before the crowd, Doug proclaimed the Agonizer as "the finest self-defense weapon ever made," said it could be used with both a closed fist and slapped onto a fleeing opponent, and offered it for sale for only $29.99. Critics lambasted the segment, but Doug said that sales "shot up 150% overnight." "It's pops like that that make me want to get into this business. Y'know?"

However, Doug wasn't always so cocky. Born Douglas Michael McClung in Hammertongs, Luxembourgia County, not much is known about Mr. Dubidorn and Doug prefers to keep it that way. Still, from what we were able to obtain, Doug was raised by a single mother who, in the words of his Aunt Helene, "was a poor Hajarran woman living on food stamps, and selling stuff out of suitcases to make ends meet in the underhabs of Hard Hittin' Hammertongs." After briefly considering becoming a professional wrestler, Doug's mother made her son go to college, and before long Doug graduated with a degree in marketing. Somewhere during his time at school, Doug entered into sales, and according to Tom Tolliver, head of LuxArms--Luxembourgia's biggest arms trading shop--"Doug just came in one day, took a bunch of inventory which hadn't sold in months, and moved that product in 48 hours. I don't know how he did it." Such stories are hard to verify, but if true they show even at a young age, Doug was an ambitious, talented seller already.

It was only recently, however, that Doug founded Dubidorn Specialties, legally changed his name to Doug Dubidorn and became a star when he sold his first big item--the Utilipack. As Doug puts it, “It was a combination of a fannypack and a pattern buffer device. I mean, you can mock the fannypack all you like, but when you put a fuckin’ pattern buffer inside of it, it works! It just works!” Since then, Doug has sold many more items, and has established a strong presence in infomercials and also DornieNet sales. “Infomercials, man,” Doug told us. “THose are important, because unlike Gracie, a good hustle demands that you get on the fucking tube, and you do that wow demo, and you move that product. She thinks she can move products with a simple bit of Yiddish and a winsome face. Fuck that. This is not a game.”

However, his reign has not been without controversy. Most prominently, Gracie Kurimitsu recently on Yabber accused Doug of selling deceptively marketed R.u.B rifles, an accusation echoed by many in the industry who accuse Doug of refurbishing rifles captured from pirates and obtained from other sources, and then marketing them as genuine originals with new serial numbers all while misrepresenting their origins. Additionally, the Federal Trade Commission has investigated Dubidorn Specialties regarding what the FTC will only call, “Suspicious Trade Practices relating to Online Sales.” Employees who worked for Doug have anonymously said that Doug “is a man who steals ideas and micromanages you into oblivion, to keep the spotlight for himself.”

Doug isn’t fazed by all that. As to Gracie, Doug said to us, “Gracie just likes to fuckin’ run her mouth. Well, she just can’t stand competition. I’m not gonna sue her robot ass because it’d be a waste of my money and time to even give her any attention. The least you need to know is that I never said those rifles were originals--I said they were as the R.u.B would have used them. Okay, that implies a degree of latitude--I could be selling originals, or reproductions. I trust the average Dornie is smart enough to tell the difference. Either way, I don’t see what the problem is. 11mm Vyner will kill most anything.”

Besides that, Doug says he has no issues with his business, and intends to “keep on keepin’ on" with new products.

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Hosokawa Trial: Jury Deadlocked for Fifth Straight Day

In what is becoming an incredibly awkward situation for all involved, the jury in the Hosokawa Trial has once again retired without pronouncing whether Dr. Jacqueline Hosokawa is in fact guilty or not guilty. The inventor of "accupasteurization," a controversial therapy technique using Empowered energies, is currently on trial for multiple Federal offenses, including multiple counts of fraud. Initially believed to be an open-and-shut case, particularly after Hosokawa refused a plea deal, analysts noted that a spirited and charismatic defense by "Lawyer to the Stars" Robert DiBiase and his handpicked legal team--particularly involving the successful prevention of several key pieces of evidence from being admitted to trial as well as the successful destruction of one of the prosecution's star witnesses--has effectively thrown the outcome of the trial in doubt.

Wearing a fetching ao dai and escorted by an entire squad of Judicial Marshals in power armor as she left federal court, Jacqueline Hosokawa could be seen blowing kisses and winking at the crowd, provoking affection and loathing in equal measure as she was escorted to an awaiting prisoner transport to be taken back to her residence, where she is currently being held under house arrest pending the outcome of her trial. For his part, Mr. DiBiase--standing proud, barrelchested, and displaying the same theatrical swagger on the steps of the courthouse as he had within it, declared simply, "The fact that the jury is taking its time to decide shouldn't be a problem for us. They've been confronted with clear, solid evidence that the only thing my client is guilty of is using her delicate touch to make people's lives better. I can't speak to their decisionmaking and I won't even speculate on what they should do. But I think I've shown them enough." When confronted with rumors that he may move for a mistrial or other such means, DiBiase would only say, "That's for the jury to decide. I'm just the messenger."

As for the prosecution's side of the matter, the Federal District Attorney's office would only say, "The jury is currently deliberating the defendant's matter, and we cannot comment any further."

Galactic Firearms Crisis Fund Announces "Greater Prussian Marksmanship Initiative"

In what analysts are calling one of the largest GPE related projects in some time, the Galactic Firearms Crisis Fund has announced that it has begun communicating with Allanean and other GPE organizations in order to establish a "Greater Prussian Marksmanship Initiative." The charity--known for its tireless dedication to promoting the right of indigent persons to armed self-defense and participation in shooting sports through methods such as providing free legal aid, training classes and even the odd firearm giveaway (including their annual Christmas Phaser Giveaway)--released a statement indicating that "We have seen what our colleagues in Allanea and the rest of Greater Prussia have done, and we feel that it is consonant with our aims to promote the shooting sports and armed self-defense amongst those who would otherwise have to go without. We are honored to be working with them in pursuing options to build a Greater Prussian Marksmanship Initiative, so that all sapients can benefit from marksmanship excellence, no matter who they are."

The Marksmanship Initiative, according to documents released by the Fund, includes a proposal to establish a All-Greater Prussian Marksmanship Challenge. Said Challenge would be a series of athletic events designed to test the marksmanship of various individuals from within GPE member states, including three-gun competition, tactical pistol competition, a time attack room clearing competition, and even biathlon. So far, it seems the 3-gun aspect of the competition has been confirmed to be an event, although further details according to the documents will be "forthcoming." Additionally, the Initiative reportedly includes a significant educational component, with plans to design courses to teach the fundamentals of marksmanship and safe shooting with a minimum of expense to the student.

Analysts have generally greeted the Initiative with praise, although some question whether it could be potentially redundant given the already burgeoning Dornalian and Allanean firearms cultures. Either way, the Fund is committed to its goal, with Fund President F.K. Sokolova, speaking from the Fund's headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia, Earth SSR, saying proudly, "There's always work to be done in ensuring that even the lowliest of the low can be well armed and capable of protecting themselves and others with great skill. It is not redundant to join forces with other like minded groups in ensuring our message of safe, protective shooting for all is carried far and wide. We wouldn't be much of a charity if we didn't pursue this goal now, would we?"

Quebecois Qigong Rising in Popularity

In what commentators are calling the "sure sign of a slow news day," a survey of Orderpeople throughout the Republic conducted by the All-Dornalian Spartakiade Association regarding the martial arts practices of the Order's membership and others has confirmed the rising popularity of Quebecois Qigong.

A deceptively simple form of martial arts wherein Empowered abilities are used to enhance one's striking and grappling power through "breath control" and "qi control" invented at the Order's Temple of Greater Montreal by George Perrault--a slightly eccentric Orderman whose day job was being a stonecutter and sculptor--Quebecois Qigong has become acclaimed due to its relatively easy to learn techniques as well as the charisma of its instructors and practitioners, who are said to give the art a "aura of badassery" to its students and its practice, according to one commentator. In particular, one famous instructor of the art, Theodore Perrault--survivor of the Uruk War on Mythrandir and veteran of many clashes with the police and criminals alike in his hometown of Montreal, and nephew of the style's inventor--has been particularly active, opening a chain of "Hardbody Gyms" in collaboration with famous MMA fighter "Hardbody" Rakar instructing students how do to anything from proper breathing to punching holes in the sides of T-34 tanks with the greatest of ease.

Speaking from his newly opened location within the city of Hieara Major, Perrault--whose large, muscled frame, t-shirt and jeans combo and aviator shades along with lightsaber belt makes him stand out from the usual Orderman--proudly pointed to a large group of students wearing padding on their heads, legs and arms engaging in the "Interception Trial," where students have large medicine balls tossed at them to be intercepted and destroyed with kicks, punches and elbow strikes, as well as dealing with simulated football tackles by countering the opponents' grapple. Smiling, Perrault said, with a devilish grin and a booming voice beaming with pride, "I know it looks harsh, but hey, it's how i learned to do this art. My uncle--the one who taught me how to do Qigong--emphasized the use of the Interception Drill. It hurts, especially if you throw the kinds of things my uncle threw at me when I began training around the beginning of college when I was doing Interception Drills, but it did me good." As if to prove his point, Mr. Perrault brought out a large concrete pillar, which he then destroyed using a shin strike and two hammerfists to its midsection after what looked like a long breath.

Despite its popularity and its hard hitting nature, prospective students interested in this art are warned to be very careful when searching for an instructor. Multiple lawsuits have been filed against so-called "McDojos" advertising that they train in the art, but in reality subject students to unsafe and even fraudulent training. Critics have also noted particularly that the harsh regimen demanded by more demanding schools of Quebecois Qigong such as the Papineau Style and the Fall River Method--and even Perrault's own style--can and do result in injuries to the students. In one particularly notorious instance, a Quebecois Qigong instructor named Tom MacKenzie settled a lawsuit with an individual who suffered severe spinal injury after a training drill went wrong which required extensive nanotechnological therapy in order to restore her ability to walk and fight as she did before the incident.

For his part however, Perrault is not deterred. With a smile on his face, Perrault said simply, "Ah yes--the stuff about injuries. Let me tell you something, okay? The way I train these students? It's safe, sane and effective. I make sure every instructor--including myself--makes sure that every student has the basics down and the proper equipment secured before they teach them the really crazy stuff. That Interception Drill? I make sure every student goes in there with the necessary protection to make sure they go home in one piece. Those other guys? They weren't doing it right. Pain is weakness leaving the body, but too much pain and you get other things leaving the body as well. That's not cool, and not what I do."

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation.

[Allanea]

Official joint message from the Free Marksmen’s Association, Allanean Rifle Association, House Blaken-Kazansky, Allanean Arms and Firepower Magazine

We are excited to see the spirit of marksmanship and individual responsibility take root and flourish among the stars, and would like to issue a statement support for this initiative. We have raised a modest sum of money from our various budgets to donate to the development of marksmanship in various forms, which we will donate to the Greater Prussian Marksmanship Initiative. In addition, we would like to make a certain level of donations in-kind, that is to say, in the form of various items that may prove needful to the cause of the GPMI.

The Free Marksmen’s Association is willing to send a crew of instructors to New Dornalia, to conduct several free marksmanship classes in the classic service rifle shooting disciplines. This will hopefully serve to educate individuals who possess limited rifle training, as well as allow those who have had little opportunities to refresh the knowledge they’ve learned in school to do so. As we all know, marksmanship is a perishable skill, and much like a flower that wilts if it is not watered, if it is not refreshed it will vanish.

The Allanean Rifle Association, partnering with Firepower Magazine, would like to distribute 10,000 yearly subscriptions to the magazine, as well as a supply of gun safes, holsters, slings, scopes, and other such equipment to individuals who do well in GPMI-sponsored competitions and testing. We believe that this will promote the cause of improving individuals’ levels of training.

Representatives of House Blaken-Kazansky have agreed to deliver for the use of the GPMI a supply of lasguns from Alexander Blaken-Kazansky’s emergency supply, originally intended to use in a national emergency. As these lasguns have been originally produced in New Dornalia itself, they likely fit all significant standards.

George H. Vasiliev, President of the Allanean Rifle Association, said in a statement: “Promoting the knowledge of personal defense is a key priority in this harsh, yet beautiful multiverse. As the man said, ‘Owning a handgun doesn't make you armed any more than owning a guitar makes you a musician.’ We have recently seen, in the recent planar distortion, that even in a society as civilized as Allanea or even Menelmacar, citizens have a need to be armed and ready. We can ill afford to rest on our laurels because here in Allanea we have established one of the safest, freest, and best-armed societies in the world. For this reason we will be happy to participate in the Greater Prussian Makrsmanship Initiative.”.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Civil Military Oversight Committee Study Indicates Kroot Mercenary Hiring on the Rise

In what is believed to be the sign of bigger things to come, a survey by CMOC's Recruitment Survey indicates that the various Kroot clans are now doing business "approaching or even exceeding pre-Civil War levels". The announcement comes as many Kroot clans, once thought to have been decimated by near-genocidal Mahdist violence during the Civil War--have begun to openly advertise once more in various trade journals and job boards such as the CMOC's "Hire a Protector" Service and Man-At-Arms.

"These numbers are quite nice," says analyst Jim McClung of UCLA's Private Security Tracking Initiative. "For a long time, it was thought that the Kroot Clans had cut down much of their mercenary work to focus on rebuilding their numbers after the Civil War. Now, with the Clans opening up, we may be seeing some of the galaxy's best soldiers for hire coming back."

Kroot Shapers themselves have also applauded the change. One Shaper, Matthias Grug, spoke to reporters from the steps of the Clan Council building in Acolytevlle, the capital of the Kroot Special Zone. Wearing robes and military surplus gear plus a powered exoskeleton denoting his membership in the Grug clan, the Shaper made it clear how he felt about the resumption of hunting.

"For too long, my people have not engaged in the hunt. There not enough of us to begin the hunt, after the Mahdi tried to kill us all for our resistance. For many years, my brethren could not engage in the hunt, except for those very few whom the Shapers felt were worthy to do so by special dispensation. Our people were at the brink, and would have withered into nothingness both physically and economically. Now that there are more of us and that the Order has helped us rebuild our world, our people can return to the hunt as they have before. Indeed, we must hunt--our peoples' survival depends on it! And now, we will do it again! WE HUNT AGAIN!"

Grug could then be seen turning to a crowd of Kroot and raising a large, long barreled Kalashnikov based hunting rifle with a montecarlo wood stock with blades attached to it, ululating and working a crowd into a frenzy as he shouted, "WE HUNT AGAIN!" repeatedly.

Analysts however, despite being generally optimistic, note that the Kroot will have an uphill battle to climb in terms of reclaiming market share, particularly when competing against other groups such as Bonk organizations and Afrikaner Elven groups who have been fierce competitors in the past. However, this risk has not deterred Shapers like Grug, who simply said, "I welcome a good challenge."

Yogi the Wrestling Bear Continues to Be a Hit

In what analysts have noted is 'an entirely unsurprising aspect of the modern Administration," analysts from the Department of Communications Infrastructure's Social Media Survey have confirmed that Yogi the Wrestling Bear continues to be one of the more popular individuals on the Dornienet. According to the Survey, Yogi's social media accounts, which feature Yogi engaging in bouts with the President and also doing activities such as chopping blocks of rockcrete with karate chops and even eating a bowl of ramen, have numbers marked as "Highly Significant" meaning that they reach into the billions and even trillions.

"It's become clear that Yogi continues to be popular across almost all segments of the Dornienet," said Dom Delivgne of the Survey. "We recognize that he had a bit of a headstart in terms of enjoying a public profile from his days of wrestling with Mike Haggar in the Galactic Wrestling Enterprise, but even we were taken aback by his popularity here after joining the President's administration. Evidently, the combination of genuine intelligence and physical strength, plus a certain degree of novelty, keeps him in the public spotlight."

Interestingly, although Yogi has a substantial fanbase in the Republic itself, Yogi has attracted foreign watchers as well. For example, the Survey noted that a substantial portion of subscribers to Yogi's accounts come from Malgrave, for example, where Yogi's unusual and even adorable behavior has attracted a strong following among the local internet.

The bear himself, for the most part, remains unsurprised. Speaking from ringside at the Presidential Manse's wrestling ring, Yogi would only say, "Yogi is aware he is popular celebrity, and that a bear like Yogi is rare. Yogi is pleased with the outpouring of support he has received over the years. From wrestling ring in Long Beach Coliseum to wrestling ring in Presidential Manse, Yogi is not afraid of popular spotlight. The only thing Yogi asks people is to recognize Yogi as sapient with feelings and many thoughts. Thank you."

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation.

[/quote]

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

....Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

OOC: Credit to Sunset and Roania for this idea.

IC:

The commercial opens with images of large, windswept plains. The plains themselves could be anywhere with large, wide open spaces. Montana. Alberta. The Gobi Desert. The Wildlands of Ft. Casimir Pulaski. The Cold Spaces of Marston City, New Kazakhstan. The sky is bright, and clear. The camera is a wide-angle lens, and it portrays rather majestically a panoramic scene which would normally belong on a postcard. There is some scrub grass, cacti, so on. Slow, soft music plays--it's the opening to Dvorak's New World Symphony, the second movement especially.

Several sweeping shots later, the scene focuses upon a lonely high plains road, made with packed earth. A lone thing that looks like a tumbleweed passes by. But it's not. It's a tribble. A fuzzy ball of fur, moved along by the rugged winds, squeaking and cooing as it moves along the paths. It seems out of place. Tribbles are normally all about fertile lands, with food for them to engorge upon. They're normally bothering WIlliam Shatner. But it's here. Why?

The answer comes as the music swells--as do the sounds of chirps and squeaks. The sight of hundreds of thousands of tribbles can be seen, coming first as a trickle. Then as a flood. The desert becomes consumed with a large cascade of tribbles, rolling about on the desert and kicking up an ungodly mess with the sands and dirt of the high plains. They seem compelled to move in all of their terrible majesty, like a swarm of fuzzy, adorable locusts delivered from a more cutesy version of the Ten Plagues. They come in more delightful guises than locusts for sure. Chirping, cooing, and with fuzzy, small packages they certainly are charming and can sooth the savage beast. They'll also eat him out of house and home, unto death. Even now, the plains themselves seem to be a bit more barren than before the tribbles came.

But their feeding frenzy isn't the why or wherefore of why they're moving along with such majestic speed, like a great flood.

No, it's what's behind them that drives them forward.

An army of pickups, ATVs, and Raptors can be seen moving the herd along, in some sort of majestic dance. The sight will look unusual to outsiders. The pickups are hover pickups, so as to not squish the tribbles. But, they are big machines--the kind which roam the streets of North America even in our real life existence. They contain what look like men in the bed of the truck with what look like....leaf blowers. Electric leaf blowers, in all their cacophonous roaring. What men don't have electric leaf blowers have giant devices held by two hands, which seem to be pushing the tribbles along with a sort of unseen beam. And then, there's the occasional wiseacre in the back who seems to be making dramatic motions with a shepherd's cane, bidding the tribbles to move along like Moses bade the Red Sea to part. By some power, the tribbles yield and comply, shoved or moved about. Meanwhile, men on ATVs with what look like small speakers blaring music into the crowd of tribbles can be seen. The music soon overrides Dvorak's paean to the Americas, and replaces it with something more...earthy.

An old cowboy went ridin' out, one dark and windy day....

So goes the man singing on the radio, his voice reaching out from far into the Dornalian past. Beyond the apocalypse even. It's a sad song--a warning to stay on the straight and narrow, lest one be condemned to follow the devil's herds over the sky. But that's not why it's playing. It's playing to set the mood. This is a great tribble drive, and such an event demands all the trappings of a drive. Indeed, the men are bedecked in Western clothing of all sorts, even as they coordinate action with communicators. Plus, the music comes from speakers also that project a sonic field that compels the tribbles to keep moving about.

The music then fades a bit, as the camera's action shifts to a particularly heroic looking figure standing in the flatbed of a pickup. He turns to the camera, and smiles. He's a handsome man with a large white Stetson hat, a sky blue button up shirt with a collar, and jeans which look perfectly suited for work and play. Like many Dornalians, he looks to have some East Asian ancestry in his background of some sort, and like many other Dornies, he seems unfazed by the madness around him. He merely grins and goes, in a comforting, folksy Western twang, "Seems like a lot, doesn't it? Howdy, folks, I'm Ted McIntee, here at the Farm. it takes a lot to move all these tribbles here at Ted McIntee's Free Range Tribble Farm. Takes a lot of hard working men to herd the tribbles, get them into the Tribble Reserves, and to then keep 'em healthy and fed. But we wouldn't have it any other way." He then tips the Stetson and calls out to his crew, "Aint' that right, boys!?"

As Ted speaks, the commercial cuts to b-roll footage from other areas. It shows fences being closed off and turned on with some sort of forcefield, under the open sky. It shows men and women in Western gear attending to tribbles with sacks marked with the Red Cross and bags marked "quadrotriticale", from which grain is emptied into what look like small dishes for the tribbles to eat out of as well as sprinkled by hand, while some are being checked with tricorders for maladies.

The image cuts back to the men in the back of the pickup turning to the camera, and making their statements clear. "HELL NO!" is everyone's reply to a man. They indeed don't want it any other way.

The camera then cuts back to Ted, as he continues, proudly, "And certainly, our customers wouldn't have it any other way. Because we don't just herd them into Tribble Reserves and feed them as part of our way. We raise them without any junk. No artificial preservatives. All natural feed. No fake fur or anything like that. No hormones or stimulants or any junk like some of our competitors use. We're a CRCA certified producer of organic tribble fur and tribble meat, and when your tribble meat and tribble fur is good enough to sell to choosy customers as far away as Roania? You can bet we wouldn't change anything about how we raise and herd our tribbles. And that's my promise to you."

The image then, as dramatic as it begins, ends anticlimactically with the image of cowboys around a chuck wagon, with Ted serving up what looks to be a lovely stew, wearing a sweater made of tribble fur. Smiling once more, he turns to the camera and goes, "Well, I've gotta help feed my crew now. But remember what ol' Ted told you. When you think tribble. Think Ted McIntee's. You'll be glad you did."

[New Dornalia]

OOC: With apologies to CBS Sunday Morning. Credit to Eridani Imperium for authorizing me to RP much of this.

IC:

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News Weekend Wakeup--where our reporters bring you the stories that our people don't usually talk about.

Today's episode deals with that most time honored of sports. Rodeo. We know it here in the Republic as a sport practiced by brave men and women riding wild horses, bulls, the odd Dai Lo Panda for thirteen seconds. But in some other places, it's become more than that. It's become a true test of courage. Our correspondent, Tom Talmadge, reports from the Eridani Imperium.

Thirteen Seconds

The image opens up on a windswept fjord. The camera pans lazily to the left, taking in the majestic scenery. It's rugged. But it's also strangely wonderful to look at. Gray, rocky inlets are mixed with a blue sky, sun, and greenery which holds on stubbornly to the landscape. In the distance inside of the fjord, longboats can be seen racing one another. The imagery then pans over to a man standing in a windbreaker with a symbol over the left breast. He's a middle aged human male, one whose ancestors seem to have come from central Europe. He wears a Stetson and jeans, as well as glasses tied to his head to keep them from falling off. He can be seen talking to another man. This man is younger, and wears a windbreaker with the NDBC News logo over its left breast. He has a baseball cap on, and and is looking at something the man in the Stetson is pointing at.

The voiceover--a smooth, practiced newscaster's Australian accent--speaks calmly, with wistfulness and wonder underlying its tones.

"The man standing next to me, with the Stetson, is Kirby Kieselbach. And he knows a thing or two about the Keldavidri Dragon."

The audio then focuses on Kirby, as he speaks with a flat, Midwestern sounding drawl.

“...so right there--RIGHT THERE! See that?!”

The camera cuts to a distant image of the sky in front of them. Shapes are flying in the distance. They fly in circles, in groups, dueling and shrieking. The shrieks come loud and clear, as if warning all who enter to pay heed to the dragons’ power. For his part, Kirby continues talking heedless of the warning, excitedly.

“Look at those dragons. Flyin’ out there. Looks like a whole horde of ‘em. They aren’t usually this busy, y’know? Lot of times they like to huddle in their caves--all these dragons coming out means they’re looking for lunch.”

The camera cuts back to Kirby, and he says with a grin, “You know they actually factually spit fire? I’ve seen the results.” He then chuckles, and says simply, “Come on, let’s hustle, they’re on a feeding frenzy and I don’t wanna make ‘em mad,” pointing to a nearby truck. As this occurs, Tom the newsman continues talking.

“Kirby, of course, certainly knows enough about the dragons to avoid antagonizing them. He’s been studying them for years, along with his business colleague, Thor Bloodfist. And yet paradoxically, he and Thor make a living here on the world of Keldavidr in a profession which needs the Keldavidri Dragon as antagonist.”

The image cuts to an image of Kirby in full rodeo gear, only he’s riding one of the dragons. It doesn’t look like a particularly large one. But, its size is big enough to warrant a wide, open arena with spectators kept behind shields. The dragon is furious. It’s bucking and shucking and refuses to allow Kirby any purchase onto the Dragon to keep a grip on him. But yet Kirby stays, using his gloves to grasp onto the scales and hold on for dear life as a timer marks time and as a commentator whips the crowd into a frenzy in the Kadrian tongue.

“That’s right. Dragon Rodeo.”

The image cuts to Tom, Kirby, and another individual in a study. The individual is a Kadrian--complete with pointed ears, unusually handsome yet rugged looks, and quite wiry and well built. He certainly looks like a fighter, and the wittiness in his eyes adds credence to that assessment. He wears what appears to be a combination of traditional Kadrian armor and Western rodeo gear. Yes, that includes a stetson.

Tom opens the conversation with a somewhat confused, astonished question.’

“So, I have to ask. I’ve seen your films from the various Dragon Rodeo competitions. Do you ever have moments where you wonder, ‘Why in God’s name am I doing this?’”

The two men laugh. Thor goes first, his translator ensuring his speech is rendered in an accent reminiscent of a “generically Scandinavian” one.

“Well, no. You don’t have the time, you know? Once you are on the dragon, you can only think about holding on. There is no time for doubt.”

Kirby likewise nods, adding, with a confident tone, “No arguing that. Although once I get off the dragon ,then I’m thinking, ‘Yeah, that just happened.’”

The image cuts to images of first Kirby as a young man in rodeo costume, riding normal bulls. The images pan and zoom and crawl across the screen, as Tom continues to narrate.

“Kirby of course, didn’t always ride the dragon. For many years in the Republic Kirby was a champion rodeo rider and one of the rising stars of his profession. His career took to the rodeo star everywhere from the Calgary Stampede to the New Hokkaido Ranchfest, braving death and danger for thirteen seconds in bouts against bulls and beasts alike.”

The imagery then cuts to Tom pointing to his rodeo trophies. Tom proudly picks up and cradles a particularly large trophy, beaming with pride.

“This….this.”

He continues to speak, with a wistful tone. He gazes at the rodeo trophy--it’s a large golden cup with the image of a figure riding a bull in mid-buck. The figure is waving his stetson, his face contorted with a mighty shout. Whether the figure is shouting out of fear or bravado, no one can say.

“This was one of my toughest. The S.M. Kharkova Kosher Classic. Held in the Veterans Memorial Stadium in Fort Casimir Pulaski. They had me riding ‘Big Jim.’ Biggest damn bull I ever rode. He had broken others. Hell, he had killed others. Damn near killed me, but I remember when I lasted those thirteen seconds, and the buzzer rang, the crowd roared.”

Kirby pauses, and then goes, with a sigh, “And then, came the realization that I needed to go to the hospital. Right then and there.”

Footage from that rodeo and then imagery playing of a young Kirby engaging in physical therapy and swimming in a bacta tank plays as Tom speaks.

“Indeed, the Kosher Classic was Kirby’s last great rodeo. Having broken every bone in his body twice over keeping himself held tight to Big Jim, it took Kirby many months to recover through grueling physical therapy before he was medically cleared to do rodeo again. But there was a problem.”

The image cuts back to Kirby and Thor sitting in the study, with Kirby going, “Problem was, by the time I got out of rehab--no one wanted me back on the circuit. Spent so much time with the damn doctors that I had missed several big events. People were sayin’ I was finished.”

Thor then interjects with a devil-may-care grin.

“And that’s where I come in!”

Images of Thor participating in longboat races--both as rower and as combatant--can be seen on the screen. Tom then speaks again in amused voiceover.

“And enter he did. Thor Bloodfist was, like many Kadrians, a man who relished a good fight and a good challenge. He had been a champion longboat sailor--which when the Kadrians do it, isn’t quite the same sport as how it’s done in the Dornielands. No, Kadrian longboat sailing is a bit more….”

Footage of Thor ramming a longboat into an enemy ship and urging men to fight back against boarders can be seen, as Tom says ironically:

“...aggressive. Still, the challenge of longboating could only last so long.”

The interview cuts back to Thor, who leans forward and speaks in a frank tone.

“I mean, you can only do so much with the longboat. You know? By the time I saw my first footage of the rodeo, I had done it all. Or enough of it to want something more.”

Tom then asks with a nod, “So it had….stopped becoming fun for you?”

Thor pauses and thinks, before shaking his head. He seems eager to clarify his previous words.

“Well, not exactly. I mean, I enjoy watching others engage in the combat, but you know, sometimes….what is the word….’burnout?’ Yes, burnout.”

Turning to Kirby, Thor says, “I imagine that is the word you use?” Kirby nods. Thor turns back to Tom with a nod and says, “Burned out yes.”

Tom nods, leaning back and deciding to probe a bit further.

“So, you were burned out--what made you then decide to try the rodeo?”

With a pointing gesture made with his thumb, Thor gestures to Kirby and smiles, widening with a sort of enthusiasm that seems endless.

“Watching his videos on the Galactinet! I mean, I could barely understand the language, but you know I see that and I think, ‘Wow! That seems...deceptively simple. I could do that.’ But you know one thing I thought of…” Thor puts his index finger on his chin, and then points at Tom, saying, “....a bull is not so threatening to us. And not so available.”

Tom then raises an eyebrow, wondering how logic that simple could result in something so dangerous.

“And that got you wanting to ride dragons?”

Thor waffles a bit, before continuing to speak.

“Pretty much, although my cousin, Sigrun Chainlightning--she had an experience with a Dragon Hunt escorting some Dornalians in to do a hunt, and nearly survived the attempt. So that was fresh on my mind, and lead me to think--anyone can ride a bull. But can they ride a dragon? So, I decided to work with that.”

The imagery cuts to b-roll footage of what looks like a younger Thor trying on a pseudo-Stetson looking hat over his wargear, and then also images of him trying to ride dragons. There’s also imagery of Thor reading over translated copies of Dornalian rodeo manuals and speaking with other individuals.

“And so, Thor Bloodfist decided to be the first Eridani Dragon Rodeo rider. There was a bit of a problem. While the worlds of the Imperium had known agricultural games before, there wasn’t quite an exact analogue to the concept of a rodeo. So, it was hard to find people with the kind of knowledge he was looking for. Additionally, finding sponsors and those willing to participate….was difficult. As a result, business was sluggish--and Thor even admitted at one point even wanting to give up.”

Thor shakes his head, sadly.

“It was difficult those first few years. We rented arenas, so on. But there were not enough people wanting to try it. In fact, we got in trouble once because one of the Dragons decided to spit fire into the audience. I can’t say how we got out of that one alive, but we did. But anyway--it was a challenge.”

Thor pauses. He then smiled.

“And then came...the Great Challenge. Our make or break moment.”

An image of what looks like a wanted ad--translated into many languages--comes up on the screen, as Tom speaks.

“The Great Challenge Thor refers to was this wanted poster. It called for “a foreign Rodeo rider, one eager to challenge the mighty Keldavidri Dragon for thirteen standard seconds. Cash prize of several hundred silver pieces to the first place winner only.” It was a risky move--not only was all of the remaining funds the organization had tied up into the Great Challenge, but there were difficulties with logistics and even getting foreign riders to come to the Imperium. But, as it happened…”

Kirby can then be seen standing next to a statue of a dragon, in the Imperium’s capital.

“...there were takers.”

Kirby then laughs, sitting in the studio. He speaks with a brighter, happier tone than before.

“I thought it was crazy at first. Riding a dragon, how hard could it be? So, I come down there...and then I see the dragons first hand. And then...I get a little worried.”

Thor laughs.

“Just a little? My friend, you were quaking!”

“Right. Sure.” Kirby then goes, “Anyway, long and the short of it is, me and several other riders come by to participate. And boy was it a challenge.”

Images of the Great Challenge fly by, with riders holding on for dear life from all nationalities and places. Kirby is one of them, and he has a mighty shout on his face as he holds on. The stills transition into b-roll footage, with the dragon thrashing around and Kirby moving from side to side to avoid being hit by the tail of the dragon as he holds on. Commentators and spectators can be seen watching and commenting with excitement. Tom speaks.

“A challenge is putting it lightly. Many of the participants left severely injured--but Kirby, summoning his old strengths and skills, managed to hold on, becoming the first winner of the Great Challenge, which proved to be a surprise hit with the locals. And in the process, he impressed THor Bloodfist, who made an unusual offer to Kirby to be the Chief Manager of Talent. At first, Kirby declined.”

Kirby can be seen shaking his head back in the interview area, as he speaks.

“I tell Thor at first that I’m not a numbers man, I’m a rodeo man. My head’s been too well dented for me to run a business.”

Kirby grins and points at Thor, adding with a chuckle at the end, “Of course, that didn’t stop Thor. He told me to sleep on it for a day, and tells me that my talent’s going to waste back in the Republic--whereas I could participate on the ground floor of something greater.”

Thor, with a jocular tone, adds, “I may have also threatened to leave him in the same room as my cousin Sigrun for a day, but well, that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, yes, I did tell Kirby to sleep on it and get back to me in the morning. But either way, I at least wanted an answer.”

A headline from the Sportsmen’s Wire flashes by, saying, “KIRBY KIESELBACH TO JOIN DRAGON RODEO”, before more B-roll footage of Kirby and Thor doing dragon rodeo things. Tom says simply, “And Kirby’s answer was yes. But he insisted on starting from the ground up, even as he helped manage the organization. And so began the All-Imperial Dragon Rodeo League, which still goes on today. It has its own share of locally recruited stars, events, and even the Great Challenge as its big end of the season extravaganza. It even gets airtime on the Imperial worlds--even if it’s quite overshadowed by the dominant, established sports in the Imperium, such as the boat races. But, it does so much more.”

The screen cuts to images of Kirby and Thor looking over a large arena, with Tom in tow. Down below, people riding smaller dragons can be seen holding on for dear life. Thor shouts at them in Kadrian, and then turns to Tom and speaks in English.

“Right here, we train the next generation of riders. Our school was the first--and Kirby and I, you know, we did matches, taking what we learned from one another and then making a school out of it. There are other schools--we don’t have a monopoly--but we’re the oldest and best. We take all comers--men, women--and then train them with the skills to survive in the arena.”

Tom then looks at one of the dragons, and goes, “I’ve heard you guys have a dragon research program here as well?”

Kirby nods, with a nod and a proud smile.

“Well, not so much research, but more veterinary program. See, we recognize the dragons do get hurt….sometimes….in these events. So, Thor and I, we didn’t just teach each other rodeo skills, but also the basics and then some about the dragons. And anything we don’t know, we bring over the best experts to keep us up to date. That way, anything happens we can help get both rider and dragon back into action.”

Thor adds, beaming, “You know, we know a lot about the Keldavidir Dragon already, but our program here is arguably pretty good about putting them back together. I mean, these are pretty big creatures and they have particular needs--and without them, we would have no rodeo. So, we do what we can yeah?

Tom then looks into the distance, and ducks as one of the riders flies over them, as she tries to control the beast she’s riding with a loud “YA! YA!” The manuevers sometimes resemble more airshow stunt than rodeo. Kirby and Thor snicker, with Kirby going, “Relax, they’re not gonna kill ya.” Tom nods, getting up and dusting himself off.

The imagery then cuts back to the interview area, where Tom asks, “So, where do we go from here, in terms of the League?”

Thor says simply, with a grin, “Many places. Many places. We won’t stop, and the only way we will arguably is if we die in the process. Even then? No guarantee the League folds then and there.”

“We did build it to last, after all,” Kirby adds.

Tom’s voiceover then ends the segment over an image of Thor and Kirby shaking each other’s hands in the most aggressive, manly possible like the two are engaging in arm wrestling, before transitioning to a young Kadrian woman holding a trophy over a victor's podium.

“Built to last? Many places? A dragon care program? Not bad, for a young sport with many years left on it.”

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation.

[New Dornalia]

OOC: This ties into OG's Apocalypse Storyline. Consider this a way to keep the claims alive until I can actually get a thread up.

IC:

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Gracie Liang, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

CORDS Approves Dornalian Intervention In Skyriver

In the wake of a massive disaster which has shocked the Dornalian Republic and brought utter devastation to the Starways Congress, President Haggar today has announced that after an emergency meeting of the CORDS leadership on Salis'Daar, the CORDS organization has approved a resolution authorizing CORDS forces to "begin emergency relief and stabilization operations in the Corellian System, Alderaan System, Dathomir System, as well as the Hapes Cluster." The far flung interventions, which are collectively the largest operations ever undertaken by CORDS forces since Operation Lincoln and known as "Operation New Hope," seek to "reestablish communications with worlds that our forces have been unable to communicate with for some time since the disaster, assess the extent of damage and also to provide relief and stability as needed."

From CORDS HQ in Salis'daar, President Haggar outlined the far reaching plan in a press conference. Standing tall in front of the HQ with a pointer and a map, Haggar said simply, "We've lost contact with well over 99% of the Starways Congress. We can't reach Corellia, Alderaan, Dathomir--the Hapans--everyone's gone silent. Something's happened to them, and from what we've heard it was on a scale quite unimaginable. I don't need to tell you here in gory detail what a disaster of that magnitude would entail for the peace and prosperity of the Skyriver Galaxy. The Starways Congress was a partner in helping ensure a stable, developing Skyriver especially in the wake of the Chaos Incursion, and to lose them now would be to lose what we had gained in the attempt. We've got the tools and the talent to help get things back to normal. So, as we speak, our forces are making contact with the Corellian System, Alderaan, Dathomir, as well as braving the FTL-inhibiting fields around the Hapes Cluster. This is not an easy thing to ask of the Republic, and not an easy thing to ask of our partners. But God willing, the Force will be with us as we get this house back in order."

CORDS forces indeed, around the time of the President's address, had already begun to make inroads into the damaged areas. Reports from Dornalian Naval Corps of Engineers vessels around Dathomir confirmed that there were signs of life, but massive destruction which had cut the locals off from the rest of the galaxy. Footage from Marine elements below captured a scene of horrors, with much of the local administrative center wiped out by a massive force.

Additionally, Marine landing parties around Alderaan found much of the capital devastated, with only a few living souls in the ruins. Admiral Peter Cundertol, head of the newly created Supreme Headquarters, Allied Reconstruction and Defense command designed to coordinate and command the various interventions, said simply, "We are making progress. Combined Active Strike Team combat teams have already begun to make landfall on various worlds, including Dathomir as well as Alderaan. Naval Corps of Engineers exploration ships are penetrating into the Hapes Cluster as we speak. Our office will keep you apprised."

Although the intervention does have its benefits, critics have asked about the utility and ultimate motive of the massed intervention. Said one column in the Simpsongrad Daily News, "While we could understand the need to help a friend, this seems less like helping an ally and more like we're picking the bones clean for ourselves. One can only hope that President Haggar doesn't get us into some fool adventure we didn't need or want."

Still, with events proceeding apace, time will tell about the results of the Dornalian intervention....

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial.

[New Dornalia]

OOC: COncepts came from the Magicus Mundi setting--Forosten was originally created by Menelmacar, for example. Also, inspiration comes from various faux-grindhouse trailers, like Machete and Black Dynamite and The Outlaw Johnny Black.

IC:

Dornie News Network

....Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! We now cut to commercial.

The image cuts to wide shots over and on the streets of a rambling, medieval cityscape. The scenes depicted look like a mixture of good homes and poor, ramschackle slums. The setting looks vaguely European, with some orientalist touches. The people on the streets below are a mix of humans, elves, nekos, and other groups.

A voiceover speaks over the shots, in a stentorian voice.

“In a world, with wonder, magic….and injustice….”

The action cuts to scenes of royals and noblemen around a table at a dinner party. There is lots of food, lots of liquor, lots of laughter, lots of documents being signed, all being attended to a bevy of scantly clad servant women of all sorts (who all look like they’d rather not be there), as the voiceover continues to speak.

”...lies Kimoy City. A place where the elite have the last word....”

The scenes then cut to a scene from a slum populated with nekos, who cower in fear when one of the men from the dinner party rides past in a palanquin, flanked by a whole platoon of men in armor with muskets. A streetcart vendor selling apples alongside his daughter grabs her and shoos her inside, looking at the palanquin as the occupant inside leers at the man’s daughter.

The voiceover artist sternly, and ominously notes:

”...and where their word is law!”

Cut to a pair of men in morions and cuirasses dragging the man’s daughter out of their house, with the vendor on his knees with a pistol to his head, courtesy of the man inside the palanquin who has now gotten out. They’re big, burly humans, and they are roughly dragging the man’s daughter--a darker skinned woman with cat’s ears and a tail--by her arms. They look lasciviously at the neko, and it’s fairly clear they’re not here to be nice.

“Well, well well….we;re gonna give you a nice home with the Duke!”

One of them laughs crudely, with a suggestive look on his face and a heaping, painfully obvious quality to his voice that turns the whole thing into a threatening double entendre, “Yessir. You’ll love the meat the Duke has to offer! OR ELSE.”

The Duke smirks ominously at the daughter, who gulps as the Duke declares, in his best Hollywood British Villain Voice:

“A diamond in the rough. You will do well in my collection--”

The voiceover then speaks.

“But one man….”

Then the sound of a hammer cocking back can be heard, along with the unsheathing of a saber. The men turn and are confronted by another neko in leather armor which is in all black and looks well used. The neko--a male--also has a peanut butter complexion, and while he is handsome, he has enough ruggedness and heroic build about him to keep him solely in leading man territory.

He has a rather large flintlock pistol held in one hand, and a jian saber in the other, along with a rather anachronistic afro and a rather bold swagger. The pistol is aimed at the Duke’s head, and the saber aimed at the two guards.

Music which can only be described as “funky” plays. The Duke then looks at the man, and sneers, annoyed.

”YOU.”

The neko speaks in a heavy bass voice, which contrasts with his looks.

“Leave the lady alone, jive turkey.”

The Duke then, without reply, motions for his guards to let the girl go, and both of the men pull out daggers.

What follows is the neko interloper spinning around, firing a shot, and taking down one of the men with a gory headshot. THis is followed by a slice of the jian at one of the thugs’ arms, lopping it off and sending the man falling to the street with a kick. The people around him wince and faint, and the Daughter runs to the interloper’s side before they can react, as the neko interloper looks heroically and stoically at the screen.

The voiceover then continues, with an enthusiastic:

”...WILL CUT THROUGH IT ALL.”

A bold title card appears on the screen, reading, in blocky 70’s font usually used for sci-fi epics:

“JIAN JONES”

The action cuts to another scene, with the voiceover narrating as Jones walks around the same slum area from before. The locals--neko and human and other fantasy creature alike--are glad he’s around, and greet him with any number of anachronistic gestures. This includes a somewhat older looking woman fist bumping Jian Jones, enthusiastically greeting him with a cry of, “Jian motherlovin’ JONES! My man!” after Jones stops a petty thief from running off with her cash box, and tossing him a char siu bao as a reward.

”He’s the protector of the slum of Luong Chat, beloved by all….”

The action then moves to the Duke ranting and raving to a balding flunky who is cowering in fear. The Duke is inside a study, and is really, really pissed off. The voiceover helpfully provides context, as the man rants.

”...but when he crosses the powers that be, he’s been targeted for DEATH!”

The audio from the Duke can be heard, as he tosses a book from the shelf out of pique at the flunky, causing him to move to the side.

“I WANT THAT FLEABAG DEAD! HOW DARE HE DENY ME, THE DUKE OF KIMOY CITY, MY PRIZE!”

Slamming his hands on the table, the Duke shouts, throwing a hysterical temper tantrum:

“GET! ME! JONES!!!!”/

The action cuts to another sequence, as Jones is contronting several shifty looking men in black in an extended sword duel outside a tavern. Jones holds his jian out, parrying and thrusting at a figure in black, whilst tossing objects at the others and kicking at them. The sequence ends with Jones slashing the man’s throat open--but the camera stops and cuts away before any really gory stuff can be seen, to another shot with Jones chatting with another couple of nekos--one of whom bears a strong familial resemblance to him.

“Look, brother. The Duke’s been tearing this place apart, looking for you.” Looking both ways, Jian’s brother goes, “If you want, I can get you out of town--find you someplace to hide--”

Jian then frowns at his brother, and with an annoyed, defiant tone, says, “I ain’t running! That jive mother has destroyed our neighborhood long enough. He’s enslaved women, children, and men. Hell, he’s even responsible for killing Pops and you know it. If he’s got me marked for death, I figure it’s time I did something about this situation!”

At this point, Jian’s Brother shakes his head, and goes, “Alright. But you’re going to need an army to beat the Duke. He runs the whole damn town--”

Images of men-at-arms with muskets goose stepping and pillaging and shooting random civilians play, with people running and hiding, as Jian’s Brother’s words overlay the scene.

“...got all the soldiers…”

Another set of images. This time, it’s the Duke trading a sack of gold coins with a female drow with a smirk, surrounded by kegs of a black, tarlike substance and legions of male and female nekos smoking long pipes in a stupor.

“...controls all the junk makin’ people sick…”

Then, more images--this time, of scantily clad women in witches’ hats, incredibly pale skin, and what appears to be really cheap goth makeup engaging in X-rated activities in front of cauldrons can be seen, with one of them who is clearly the leader, cackling as a cauldron boils over with the image of one of the partygoers collapsing in a particularly nasty heart attack--play as Jian’s Brother continues to speak.

“...got the finest witches in the land doing his dirty work….”

And finally, the image cuts to the Duke himself, wrestling a dragon down and shoving a sword in its neck--the gore and the throat attack is thankfully kept offscreen, although a jet of dragon blood hits the Duke’s face which is contorted in a disturbingly pleased expression--as Jian’s Brother speaks.

“...and hell, he’s one of most dangerous men alive!”

The images cut back to Jian Jones and his brother, with Jian Jones leaning in. He is unfazed, and maintains a stoic demeanor as he says, “You know where I can find an army?” To that, Jian’s Brother smiles slyly, and goes, “I might know someone.”

The trailer then cuts to a magician’s shop, with the music turning more “exotic” as an elf with especially long ears appears. Amongst her many features, she has purple skin. Looking out the window intiially, she turns to Jian and looks at him with white, ghostly eyes, before she begins sitting at a desk with a crystal ball to the side, and Jian Jones in front of her. Folding her hands, she looks at Jian with a nod and a smile and speaks with a Recieved Prononunciation accent.

“So, I understand you need my services for a...long term contract?”

“That’s right,” Jian declares with a stoic gaze and a nod. “I’ve been told Forosten Ironheart is one of the baddest magicians alive. I’ve also got the notion to take down a corrupt Duke. You in?”

Forosten nods, and taps her chin thoughtfully.

“The Duke of Kimoy City, you say?”

Jian Jones nods. Forosten has a brief flashback of the Duke’s goons kidnapping her sister, and then she says, “I’m in.”

The action then switches to Jian firing into the screen with dual flintlock pistols that have an unusual green color, standing in the midst of an entire magically enchanted armory, with Forosten standing nearby with a smirk. Turning to Forosten, Jian declares the weapons:

“Solid.”

The music then swells and quickly becomes rapid, more action-oriented, and aggressive. This matches the trailer soon showcasing a combat sequence where Jones, leaping onto a table at a tavern, proceeds to pull out dual blackpowder pistols, and declares to the head of the guards at the table, “I have a message for the Duke.”

With an inevitable reply of “FUCK YOU!” from the head of the guards, a fight begins. Jian can be seen firing at two of the guards eating before engaging in swordplay with grunts leaping onto to the table to counterattack. A flurry of dramatic slashes and stabs that would make Errol Flynn proud is present. Eventually, the baddies are defeated and Jian’s sword pointed at the throat of the head of the guards in the room, going, “Tell the Duke that I’m coming for his honky ass!”

At that, a brief sequence of the Duke fighting Jian Jones can be seen, before the action switches back to Jian continuing his threat.

“And that no matter how many men he sends…”

A shot of Forosten and Jian back to back can be seen briefly. Jian is dressed as a servant, and Forosten has her finest party dress. Waves of mooks are rushing at them, and the two are seen kicking, punching, throwing fireballs, slashing with magic swords, etc. Then, the action switches back to yet another line from Jian.

“...no matter how many witches he sends..”

This sequence now shows Jian Jones engaged in a passionate kiss with one of the witches, as a seeming prelude to a night of passion….and then suddenly shoving her away, and then executing a roundhouse kick that knocks out three witches attempting to phase into our reality before throwing a silver dagger at a witch attempting to phase through the walls with a loud “SUE-EEEEE!”

Jian then finishes his speech with an angry, “..and no matter how many assassins he tries to send after me….”

The footage cuts to a scene of Jian Jones in a palpable state of rage, as he engages what appears to be a samurai with a Hannya mask who has assaulted Jian in the middle of the night, before Jian strikes the mask with an elbow and gasps.

“Jimmy? NO! NOT YOU!”


The man under the armor smiles, and goes, with an unnatural rictus grin, “Sorry, Jian. It’s only business,” before he recoils to punch Jian with a punching dagger. The action cuts back to Jian threatening the captain of the guard with his saber, declaring, “...I will, never, ever quit.”

Poking the captain of the guard in the neck, Jian goes, “You dig?”

The Captain of the Guard then says, defiantly, “I ‘dig.’ But whether the Duke will ‘dig’, well….that remains to be seen.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take, sucka,” Jian says with a smirk. Then, with a slash of his saber…

….the trailer cuts to a black screen with the logo of the movie declaring, “Jian Jones. In theaters this Christmas” and a list of actors.

[New Dornalia]

IC:

Dornie News Network

....Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to a special sneak preview of our upcoming new action adventure series, The Trail of the Yellow Sign.

The image opens on a wide shot of the Monument Valley in Utah, in all its majestic glory. The dust left by two figures can be seen, a trail left by a dramatic chase.

The camera then moves in closer. The scene is now in focus. One of the parties riding quickly is a woman in a white dress, with a bonnet. It's obvious from her pale skin, unusually high degree of overly dramatic panic, and her paranoid glance over her shoulder that she does not want to be in this situation--and certainly is out of place in the barren expanse. Behind her is the other party. It's a man on a horse also. The horse is a majestic, ominous warhorse, one which could be ridden by either a great hero or a fierce foe. This is the latter. The man also has on his head a black, wide-brimmed Stetson, with a black bandanna over his mouth. The bandanna upon it has a strange yellow symbol, and the man brandishes a Single Action Army revolver with pearlhanded grips--and the same yellow symbol on his bandanna as on the grips. The man has an unusually regal sort of bearing, and his dungarees and other clothes look little worse for wear even after hard riding.

The woman is determined to escape the man. She doesn't want to look at him, or stop. All she wants to do is to lose him somehow, evidenced by an attempted jaunt into a thicket of scrub brush that ends badly. The woman's horse trips, and both rider and horse fall to the ground. As the woman attempts to recover, she attempts to turn, and grab her gun. But the masked rider is upon her, and he raises his pistol, remorselessly aiming at the woman as she winces.

And then...the image cuts to black with a gunshot.

....then, the image fades back in. The woman looks at the scene now.

The rider which was chasing her has also fallen off his horse. The horse is fallen, but the rider is not fallen. Instead, the rider can be seen leaping up in a sort of anachronistic spinkick, drawing his revolver on two men. The images cut to the men. One of the men is a tall black man, with a generous moustache, and the clothes of a Western hero--lots of denim, but functional, rugged, worn. He has a lever action weapon of some sort, which resembles less a Winchester 1887 and more like some mutant spawn of a gun which has four barrels and a rail on top to aim everything which floats free along with a lever action. The gun is trained on the Rider, and the black man can be heard saying, in a rough and tumble Texan accent, "Don't move!"

The other man is different. He is pale, and decidedly someone who has not worked a day in his life. He has clothing which seem more suited for adventures in say, the Congo than the wilds of Utah. A pith helmet, tailor made clothes, and puttees on boots along with a utility belt and bandoleers of ammo. His weapon appears to be a revolver--in this case, a breakopen revolver, one found more commonly in the service of Her Majesty as opposed to one in service of a desperado. The man aims the revolver, and goes, in a painfully uppercrust Received Pronunciation accent, "If you surrender now, my good man, you will not be shot! Now, tell me--what is your business with this woman!?"

The Rider spits on the ground, and shakes his head, his eyes creasing into a defiant glare.

The Safari Man looks at the Rider, and sternly declares, "I won't ask again, my good man. Reveal your intentions towards this woman, or--"

The Rider then raises his right hand, which begins to glow. At this, the Safari Man declares, with a look of surprise and alarm, "Oh my."

What happens next is a dramatic series of actions by all involved. The Rider throws what looks like a ball of yellow fire at the Safari Man, who ducks and leaps off to the side. Meanwhile, the Western Hero rolls his eyes and sidesteps the blast. As the Safari Man watches from his space on the ground, the shot slams into the ground, causing the environment to warp as if a heat bloom is present--but it's not, and instead reality seems to bend, and for a moment a portal to a bizarre city opens before shutting. At that, Western Hero unhesitatingly begins firing. In a dramatic series of jump cuts, the Western Hero's hands first shove the lever far forward dramatically, causing the mechanism on his gun to spin as he then pulls back dramatically on the lever, with a loud CLICK. The images turn to the Western Hero's, staring intently at his foe as he begins opening fire. Then, a three-quarters view of the Western Hero, who begins marching unceasingly towards the Rider as he fires a series of shots from the hip towards the Rider. The Rider makes inhuman leaps and sidesteps, but one of the shotgun blasts wings the Rider as he falls onto the ground, clutching his arm with a pained look. The Rider turns and attempts to blast the Safari Man--but Safari Man draws first and puts a shot right between the Rider's eyes, sending him to the ground again.

The Safari Man then gets up, dusting himself off as he goes, "Bad show. Now we won't figure out what his intent was." To this, Western Hero goes, "Well, there is the lady we can talk to."

Safari Man gasped. "Why didn't I think of that before!? Thank you, Frederick. I will investigate this miscreant for personal effects, and you can interview our damsel in distress."

Frederick nodded, and said, "No problem, Mr. Sampson."

Walking over to the injured woman, Frederick shouldered his gun and asked, 'You okay, ma'am?"

The woman said, trying to find the right words, "Y-yes, I suppose. But who are you two? I have no money--"

"We're not bad guys, ma'am." Tipping his Stetson, Frederick said, "Name's Frederick Freeman. Gunslinger for hire." Gesturing with his head to Mr. Sampson trying to recover something of value from the now-dead Rider, "That guy in the crazy getup? That's Sir Reginald Sampson. English guy. A bit wierd, but he's a goodie at heart. Just gotta make sure he doesn't get into trouble."

The woman looked skeptically at Sir Reginald as he rifled through the man's pockets, pulling out what looked like a book of some sort, with the symbol on it that bedecked the Single Action Army and the man's bandanna. "Joanna Paisley. Daughter of the Paisley banking dynasty out of Philadelphia. My father owns a lot of properties here--cattle ranches mostly. I-" She then shook her head and asked, "I'm sorry, I have to know. Why is your friend trying to rifle through that guy's personal effects?"

"Eh, he's got notions." Frederick said all this with the studied dismissiveness and dismay of having been asked this question before many, many times. "You know, notions about magic, all that stuff. I mean, I don't truck in that sort of thing--"

"I found it! EUREKA!"

The shout from Sir Reginald lead Joanna and Frederick to get back up, and head over to Sir Reginald. Reginald looked beside himself with joy, and said, "My good man Frederick, I have found an important find!"

"Found what, boss?"

Sir Reginald said, with a grin, "Simply, my good man, I have found valuable information, as to the whereabouts of that medallion missing from our Indian friend's chest of artifacts! It looks to be written in a cypher, but I was able to decode it in part while you were having a chat with the lovely lady here. Hopefully, we can decipher it more back in town. It's--"

Turning around all of them gasped, seeing the Rider get up, shaking as he did so, and letting out an inhuman scream before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Well, then," Sir Reginald said with dismay.

Turn in to NDBC, Wednesdays, at 8pm, to see the thrilling conclusion on this week's episode of The Trail of the Yellow Sign.

[New Dornalia]

IC:

Dornie News Network

....Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial!

The scene opens in a fast food restaurant in a major Dornalian city. Sitting around a table is a family designed to be the "typical Dornalian family." There's an Overworked Dad--an East Asian man in a polo shirt, jeans and glasses with an average build and a sense of paternal optimism, with bags under his eyes and a world-weary manner. He brings a tray of food. There's the Overworked Mom--a human woman of Eastern European extraction with wolves' ears and a tail wearing a somewhat dowdy t-shirt, jeans, and displaying a steely endurance as she works to calm and wrangle her two kids. One is a Daughter who evidently takes after her mother, and the other is a Son who takes after the father. The two, as brothers and sisters will do, are feuding over some trivial thing. The Overworked Mom is trying to calm them down, when Dad comes in and goes, "Let's eat!"

Sitting down, the tray of food lands on the table. Everyone looks at the food, and is somewhat surprised--and not in a good way. The tray of food has hamburgers, fries and drinks--but they're rather small in terms of portion size. The fries are packaged in comically small boxes. The hamburgers look no bigger than those generic sandwich cookies from the PeopleMart. The drinks? Dixie cups are bigger. The kid's meals are likewise comically small--indeed, one can't tell the difference between the kids' meals and the other meal items on the tray.

The Dad sheepishly picks up one of the wrapped burgers, and goes, "Huh. The commercials made them seem bigger."

The Mom meanwhile looks at the fries, which look to be soggy, sad, droopy things, and asks with growing alarm, "Um....honey.....how much did this cost?"

At that, the Dad, dreading the reply, looks at the receipt. His eyes widen open, as his jaw drops with horror.

"Wh--I ordered the value meal! And the kids' meal!"

At that point, an inattentive, Lazy Employee comes over to the family. He was busy mopping the floors, but seems to be busy texting and jamming to some random tunes instead. The Lazy Employee goes up to the family, his interest piqued by the anger, and goes (evidently more focused on his jams than customer service or sanitation), "Problem, folks?"

The Mom shakes her head, disbelieving the price and looking at the small food, as she fields the man's question with a tone of quiet desperation.

"Sir, we ordered the value meals and the kids meals--is this really all there is?"

The Lazy Employee nonchalantly--even sociopathically--goes, "Duh."

The Dad goes, now righteously incensed, "Wait. I paid $40.00 for all this! Don't I get more than that?!"

The Lazy Employee's reply is a shrug and the battle cry of all employees who don't care anymore, and would rather be somewhere else.

"That's not my department, man. Take it up with the manager."

As the Lazy Employee walks away, the Dad, defeated, grumbles.

"Some value."

At that, the scene becomes...more vibrant. The sound of bagpipes--loud, ferocious, and uncompromising in their strength and volume--can be heard in the distance. The tune being played is "The Conundrum". The sound--loud enough to wake the dead already--seems to be growing in volume, astonishingly. The family covers their ears--as does everyone else in the restaurant--and the Dad goes, "What the--"

At this, the scene cuts to one of the side entrances being forcefully kicked open--nay, kicked to the point where the door flies off its hinges to where it smacks into the Lazy Employee and sends him flying out the other side. The Lazy Employee lets out the WIlhelm Scream, as the image cuts to the source of the bagpipery. Standing proud, like some shortbread-tin vision of Bonnie Scotland, is a somewhat short woman, playing a set of Great Highland Bagpipes which are larger than her. She wears a particularly fantastic version of Highland regalia. Kilt in the Royal Stewart tartan pattern, tam o'shanter with badge, a Sgain-Dubh knife, and other such accoutrements. The woman, as it happens, also has the ears and tail of a Scottish Fold cat superimposed onto a young woman whose features betray a family with Scottish, Filipino, and Hispanic origins.

Putting away her bagpipes, the woman storms up to the family and goes, in a decidedly angry and guttural interpretation of a "generically Scottish accent", shouts, "Ye call that value!? Yer off yer heid!"

With a mighty slam of her fist on the table, the room shakes and an explosion comes out from the table as the meager rations purchased so dearly fly into the air....and to the astonishment of the family, transform into a flat box the size of a 16" pizza box. The box opens by itself, revealing a cornucopia of fried foods, plated as if to give dietitians nightmares for life.

The Bagpiper Woman then points to the box and goes, "There! Ye see!?"

The camera then lovingly does a Michael Bay-esque orbital shot of the food items within, as the Bagpiper Woman narrates. Each item is given a brief orbiting glamour shot, shown in all its lovely, deep fried glory, as various family members hold the items up for the camera to see.

"Introducing the Family Munchy Box, from S and S Chippies! Ye got all the scran you can e'er want in that box, enough for the whole family! Pakora Fritters, Red Sausage, Square Sausage, Burger Patties, Chicken Bits, Fried Fish Filets, Pizza Crunch, and a whole mess of chips--that's fries to ye Yanks--and a salad for the wee Jessie that doesn't like meat, so you can tell him to fuck off! All for ten dollars!"

The Daughter holds up a toy bagpipe she fished out from the box, as the Bagpiper Woman shouts, "It's even got a toy for the wee bairns!"

The family is now seen devouring the meal, evidently much happier for the Bagpiper Woman's intrusion. When the Bagpiper Woman shouts, "Now, is that a value?"

The family enthusiastically goes, "Yes, ma'am!" To that, the Bagpiper Woman, evidently unenthused by the Family's enthusiasm, shouts louder and angrier, "NO, NO NO! LOUDER! IS THAT A VALUE?!"

A rousing shout of "YES MA'AM!" can be heard, not just from the Family, but the other restaurant patrons and even the staff.

The imagery then cuts to the outside of the generic fast food joint. As the Bagpiper Woman walks outside, she notices a bull shaped mascot statue outside. With a mighty kick, the statue falls over as the Bagpiper Woman spits on it, cursing the mascot with a simple, "Flog inferior food for too much? Fuck off!" before walking away, giving the inverted V sign to the mascot. The image then fades out, with a logo of the Bagpiper Woman playing her pipes, superimposed over stlylized letters (think the font of the Cheers sign) that read "S and S Chippies! Now, that's a value!"

---

Then, another commercial. This one, more sedate. Edvard Grieg's "Morning Mood" plays. Loving, long takes of rolling prairies and glorious grasslands emerge, as the music swells.

Then, a voiceover, from an older gentleman. For the sake of the Dornalian market, the voiceover artist sounds like none other than Robert Mitchum's voice.

"These are the plains of Rohane Alista. Cattle country. Here, men fought and died over these lands, to make something of them for the future."

The images then pan over to a large cattle ranch. The camera seems to delight in long takes using a panorama lens, taking in the glory and majesty of the ranch and the land which it is surrounded by. The voiceover continues.

"Now, men follow in their footsteps, honoring their sacrifice by making the finest beef in the land."

Then--the images and music change. The sedate music of Grieg is now replaced with jauntier, energetic music. Elmer Bernstein's theme to The Magnificent Seven. The camera meanwhile, seems to grow quicker in pace. Gone are the loving long shots. Now, in their place is a montage of ranchers and cowboys doing the work of running a ranch. The beginning sequence is a cattle drive, albeit a slow paced, gentle one.

"Their work goes on at ranches like the Brierson Ranch. Here, ranchers drive the herds...."

Then, the images cut to the cattle being fed. Their diet is nothing less than exquisite--for a cow. They can be seen dining on grass, and drinking water--or if not water, then fine quality beer. The shots are adventurous jump cuts, arranged in such a way as to build excitement.

"....make sure they get fed the best grass--no fillers or artificial junk here."

Then, the images further cut to the cows undergoing physicals. The music slows a bit, as does the montage. Vets and ranchers can be seen inspecting the cows, checking for diseases, and generally looking them over. The doctor gives the rancher a thumbs up, and the rancher smiles--the cow has passed the test.

"Here, the ranchers also give their cows the best care anywhere. Regular checkups so they're free of disease...."

The imagery then cuts to the cows wandering in large, open fields, with very little fencing. They move about, the camera focusing on the herd and its movements. With plenty of orbital shots, wide shots and long, tracking takes, the cows appear to be moving as one herd, doing a ballet routine celebrating the freedom of the prairies.

"...letting them run around in the free range areas--no pens for these happy cows...."

Then, the image even cuts to ranchers doing things to the cows which outright pamper them. Massages for their comfort, using hot towels. Large cups of beer, which the cows lap up gleefully. Fresh hay and other such things.

"...and finally, making sure they get the finer things in life. You'd think this was a five-star resort, or a clinic to the stars. But no, it's a ranch."

The voiceover narrator asks, as a rancher stands proud next to a cow, looking the cow in the eyes:

"Now, you may ask. Why do we go to these lengths? What's the point of spending all this time and money, when we could pen the animals in and feed 'em all the grain they can handle until it's time?"

The image then cuts to the assembly of hamburgers. Glorious hamburgers. The individual ingredients for a variety of burgers are given long panning shots, emphasizing their qualities as a pair of faceless hands put the burgers together. They are also surrounded by fries which are dumped directly from a fry basket, and in slow motion, lovingly seasoned. Voiceover continues.

"Because it's part of how we do things at Mr. MooCow's. We strive to make each ingredient a high quality one. No frozen junk. No shortcuts. No gimmicks. Just good, honest burgers for you and yours, at a price which is fair and just."

The hamburgers are then seen in front of their eventual destination. A happy family, eager to eat their newly purchased food. As the family happily tucks in, the voiceover continues:

"So come on down to Mr. MooCow's. You won't regret it."

The image then cuts to a woman in Highland dress--it's a parody of the Bagpiper Woman from the previous ad. She turns to a bull, and the two tensely stare at each other for a moment. Then, the Bagpiper Woman Parody hugs the bull.

"After all, you might even strive to do better yourself."

The image cuts to the MooCow's logo, and the voiceover goes:

"Mr. MooCow's. A better sort of burger place."

[New Dornalia]

IC:

Dornie News Network

....Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation. We now cut to commercial!

The scene opens in a courtroom-esque setting. There is an audience sitting in chairs behind wooden barriers, with a gate separating the audience from the positions where the judge and the parties are based. There is a table with two chairs. The furniture is boring and professional looking. There are two persons behind the table. One is a tall, thin man with glasses, along with a rather large woman with glasses--both have nice suits. A voiceover, with a stentorian tone and a manner similar to Robert Stack’s, says, over dramatic:

“Today, on Kangaroo Court! When roommates fight--”

At that, the man speaks, saying, “My roommate, has, your honor, refused to repay me for the collectibles that she broke--”.

At that, a quick cut to a similar table-chair setup with an angry pair of women with cat’s ears and tails cuts off the man. One of them is turned in the direction of the other party, evidently, judging by the fact she is pointing an accusatory pointer finger and shouting invective in their direction, to the tune of, “YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT! AND YOU OWE ME FUCKING RENT TOO, BITCH!!!!” while a quick cut back to the first party shows the man and woman from before shaking their heads and smiling, going, “No, no--that’s not how it works…” The voiceover continues, with the dramatic music continuing to underscore the scene:

“When valuable property is at stake….”

The footage then cuts to a middle-aged woman--possibly Irish, Scottish, or some other group from Europe--who has aged rather well. She does however, have the ears of a kangaroo, and the tail of one as well. She wears a judge's robe, the kind found in the various Commonwealth Realms--in this case, Australia--and is sitting in a judge’s chair. The nameplate on her podium reads “Judge Kathleen MacDonald”.

She looks intently at Mr. Donovan and in a calm Australian accent, says, “So, just so I understand--something which I am trying to do with great difficulty at this point--you are alleging that Ms. Martinez caused $2,000.00 worth of damages to your anime collectibles as well as your personal computer and your Winchester 1887 Shotgun?”

The voiceover continues, yet again, with the dramatic music swelling as the action grows faster and angrier:

“Tempers.”

The montage cuts to the large woman next to Mr. Donovan shouting back at the other party, going, in a wild, furious, irrationally mad tone, “YOU CANNOT SAY THAT DON’T EVER SAY THAT!” as Mr. Donovan tries to wave her down and get her to stop talking.

“Will”

Then, the images quickly cut to the Judge from before, sternly admonishing one of the parties with a measured, furious tone with a death glare that could cut ice, “That will be quite enough, Ms. Fratelli! This is not a scream therapy session, and this is not a gossip column! This. Is. Court. And you will give this situation the restraint and gravity that it deserves.”

“FLARE.”

Another jump cut. This time, it shows the parties screaming at each other, and at one point, one of the gatas shouts “HOLD ME BACK! HOLD ME BACK!” as her companion holds the angry woman back in a full nelson, waving something ominous in her hand, as the plaintiff can be seen holding his arm up defensively. Meanwhile, a rather tall figure wearing a uniform similar to that of a law enforcement officer can be seen, in khaki color. The figure himself, however, is a cephalopod, with some tentacles altered to resemble a moustache of sorts. The man is advancing on the parties, prepared to intervene.

Before the cephalopod intervenes, the images cut to Judge MacDonald pulling out a lightsaber and igniting it with a tap on the judge’s podium, before leaping in front of one of the litigants who has her own ignited lightsaber, as the voiceover continues:

“Can Judge MacDonald bring an end to this rancorous row? Find out today, on this new thrilling episode of Kangaroo Court!”

The images then cut to the logo for Kangaroo Court--all-caps block letters, with a stern, gilded appearance, superimposed over scales of justice with a pair of kangaroos on them, one on each side of the scale.

[New Dornalia]

Dornie News Network

Hello, this is Jim Pearson, taking over for Gracie Liang at the Domestic News Desk, and welcome to NDBC News. Tonight’s top stories:

Hosokawa Trial: Jury Finds Hosokawa Not Guilty

In what has been a stunning turn of events for Dr. Jacqueline Hosokawa, a jury has found her not guilty of all charges in Federal Court today after several weeks of deliberations. The former "Accupasteurization" chain clinic potentially faced up to several years in prison for various offenses such as fraud and operating an unlicensed prostitution ring. However, although experts are divided on the reasons the jury found the way they did, a growing consensus has focused on the fact that Hosokawa's attorney, Robert DiBiase, and his "Dream Team" were able--to the very end of the trial--mount a skillful defense of their client against overwhelming evidence.

"Attorney DiBiase outmaneuvered the prosecution, clear and simple" declared University of Luxembourgia Law School professor Harold Hopkins. "DiBiase had the tactical acumen to block all the damning evidence or have it discarded as fruit of the poisonous tree. DiBiase also went for the jugular, portraying Hosokawa as a persecuted religious minority coming under fire from a biased system. DiBiase was also able to go after what evidence was admitted and the witnesses who testified, inducing reasonable doubt in the minds of the jury. And in the end, the standard of proof for a criminal trial is beyond a reasonable doubt. He made it so the prosecution--who had it all--failed to prove their case beyond a reasonable doubt."

The District Attorney's office refused to comment on the proceedings, for their part. For his part, Attorney DiBiase was quite proud of his accomplishment.

"We ensured that the justice system works. We managed to defend a woman whose only crime was to use a little too much TLC in her accupuncturist methods. Now, say what you will about how things went, but I'm proud of what i managed to do today."

However, Hosokawa's troubles are far from over. Unconfirmed reports indicate that Hosokawa herself has been admitted to UCLA Reagan Medical Center with life-threatening injuries. Reports indicate that the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department is investigating a potential attack by unknown assailants which allegedly left a note indicating that "justice has been done". Additionally, multiple clients of Hosokawa's as well as ex-employees have announced they will be filing a civil suit against the doctor regarding her operations. Additionally, to no one's great surprise, Hosokawa's license has been stripped due to what licensing boards found was "clear and convincing evidence of activities which run contrary to the good practice of chiropractic medicine in Earth SSR."

When confronted about these developments, Attorney DiBiase says, "Well, Jacqueline's in a bit of a rough spot right now, but God willing, we will get her life back on track. Otherwise, I can't say much more."

Julia Neumann Found Guilty

In a dramatic end to a sensational trial which has gripped Nova Louisiana for long time now, Julia Neumann, the "Vampire Hunter Killer," has been found guilty of voluntary manslaughter. The lesser included charge, which stemmed from an incident wherein Ms. Neumann killed in what prosecutors dub "Imperfect Self Defense", carries with it strong punishments including jail time. Ms. Neumann could be seen acting unemotionally as the jury read their verdict, and her family members sitting in the audience could be seen sobbing. At one point, Ms. Neumann's father had to be escorted out of the courtroom due to aggressive, violent behavior, vowing what he declared to be "Vengeance upon those who have wronged my family!" Indeed, Ms. Neumann's family greeted the news with devastation.

"My daughter was only doing what she had to in order to protect herself from the Forces of Darkness!" shouted Lana Neumann, outside the courtroom. "Now, they treat her like a criminal. They lock her away in a cage! Like a wild beast!" Staring into the camera as a bailiff came to walk her away, Lana said simply, "We will remember this! Murderers complicit in darkness!" Ms. Neumann's attorney, Jacob Denison, has simply said, "We are reviewing our options. We believe we have a strong case for appeal, particularly given our performance at trial--after all, Ms. Neumann was originally charged with second-degree murder, which would have been much, much worse--and we're going to pursue all available avenues to ensure Ms. Neumann is not made into a pariah because of all this."

For their part, the Fleidermaus Family was pleased with the outcome. A family representative, standing in a black trenchcoat with sunglasses and an unusually pale complexion--with fangs--declared, "This sentence will not bring back Alisdair. Frankly, we feel the jury should have given Ms. Neumann a full second-degree murder sentence. But it will serve as a deterrent to those who intend to murder indiscriminately, under the cover of self-defense and tradition. We hope that others do not experience the burden and pain we have felt over this recent period."

For their part, the Alvaria Field Office of the Republican Marshals has provided extra security for Ms. Neumann, whose sentence is expected to be handed down in the future. In the meantime, Nova Louisiana authorities have urged calm, and the presence of Nova Louisiana Sheriff's Department and Alvaria City Police Force personnel can be seen. Anonymous sources fear the return of what has been dubbed "supernatural gang violence inflamed by the trial," much like that which had plagued the city early in the trial, and point to evidence uncovered by the Postal Inspectors regarding what appear to be viral videos and texts urging violence.

Thank you for watching the REAL NDBC news--New Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation news--not those jokers at National Dornalian Broadcasting Corporation.

[/quote]

[Allanea]

As the Free Kingdom's Minister of War, I am happy to inform the government of New Dornalia that the legislature has passed, and their Imperial Majesties have signed, the New Dornalia Military Assistance Act. As it is well known, the Colonial Republic of New Dornalia has always been a valuable partner of the Free Kingdom, and as such it's in our national interest to continue assisting it.

For this purpose, I am authorized to transfer to the Colonial Republic, 896 Narvik-class destroyers and 1900 Javelin-class missile boats. The handover will commence within 2 months, after the Free Kingdom completes preparing the first batch of ships for transfer.

To continue in this same vein, I would like to propose a program to train a select group of New Dornalian sailors in the use of the Narvik and Javelin, as well as to organize joint naval exercises (both bluewater and blackwater), to be dubbed, respectively, Proud Trident I and Able Javelin I.

I welcome your input on this proposal.

Baroness Priscilla Stosell-Conde,
Free Kingdom Minister of War