Esquarium Today [Regional News, CLOSED]

[Geadland]

DOCTORS VOTE FOR STRIKE
Low turnout mars GMA's victory

8th April 2013 Last updated 18:46 Geadish Standard Time

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DA HEGNER - The Geadish Medical Association - a union representing primary care physicians - has voted to hold a one day strike in late May. The ballot was carried by a 20% margin, with 6,104 votes in favour and 4,085 opposed, but turnout was low. Less than 25% of the 50,000-member union cast their ballots.

Union secretary Karl Timsen said that the vote "was a result of three consecutive pay freezes. As a result of inflation, our salaries are effectively being cut. I am pleased to announce that the majority of our respondants wanted to take a stand against this."

However, turnout on the ballot was very low. Timsen admitted that the upcoming election has been "overshadowing" the dispute, but argued that "the timing would help bring attention and support to our cause. Judging by the election manifestos I've seen, the public don't like seeing doctors' salaries cut either."

Conservative Party leader Efa Nordland responded to the news by saying that "given that only one in ten doctors voted in favour, it's hardly a mandate to such take dramatic action. The GMA should have taken a moderate step. They will risk a public backlash."

The Prime Minister said that "the Ministry of Labour will monitor this dispute and hope to conclude with a fair deal for our doctors". He assured the public that "For starters, the strike may be called off if the issue is resolved. If it does go ahead, we will do what we can to ensure the health service continues running as well as possible."

• SDLP campaign bus gets stuck under railway bridge
• Kurt den Rude opens Liberal conference
• Da Hegner council debates pedestrianising key shopping streets

[Namor]

OOC: From now on, the Liberator's articles will be officially replaced by those of Radiotelevision Namora.

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CONSCRIPTION POLICIES RELAXED
Amendments to "Military Service Act" made, to be in effect within 150 days


Turning 18 this summer? You may no longer be required to serve in the military, unless you live in a border region.

April 8, NMR 2353 (Gregorian)
28th Day of Second Month (Namorese)
Fifth Day of Pure Brightness

[size=115]CENTRAL COUNCIL HALL, NAMO - Drastic cuts were made to the Military Service Act of NMR 2310 (1970 CE), which has been amended over four times in NMR 2317, NMR 2325, NMR 2329 and NMR 2336. Now, the Act has been revised once again, this time relaxing conscription policies nationwide rather than intensifying them.

IN OTHER NEWS:

• Dictator Meets Dictator: Jarrod Thuman visits
  Luziyca, agrees to adopt Luziycan lira as Unolia's
  national currency
• Geadish Doctors vote for strike
• Dictator of Koyro addresses annual mass rally

The amendment was proposed by one of the Democratic Socialist CCMs, Hope Trio, who proposed that compulsory military service in Namo District, East Namor, Greater Industria and the Two Nozamas be reduced from 6 to 2 months; meanwhile, remaining border districts like Thalassa, Arra, West Chorea and Upper Zokoria remain unaffected by this amendment, and their service times unchanged.

Trio's argument for this revision was that "said regions [areas where conscription will be relaxed] were, are and always will be tucked safe from outside aggression...we don't need to spend much on areas where imperialism cannot possibly touch first."

The only areas that still deserve the status quo, said Trio, were border regions, where there is a higher chance of foreign invasion from either Zokoria or Luziyca.

While many CCMs approved of the revisions, still more opposed it.

"You're talking about stripping us away of our national security," rebutted Liberationist CCM Paang Xu, "without compulsory military service in many regions, you are calling on the imperialists to attack us without mercy. Hell, you can't do that."

Through hours of filibustering and debating, the vote was finally held. 315 voted YEA, 275 voted NAY, and 10 voted to ABSTAIN. The amendments were successfully made, and shall be put into effect within 150 days, unless, as the bill states, "foreign aggression suddenly enroaches upon our soil; if that ever happens, the bill shall be given an extra 40 days to be put into effect."


---PTH/RTN

[Namor]

DEAT'D

[Namor]

DEAT'D

[Namor]

DEAT'D

[The Jahistic Unified Republic]

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In other news:

• Luziyca and Zokoria have a split. Unolia sides with Luziyca
• Thuman admits his health is "not the best"
• JLP does best to reconcile with Namor after recent controversy
• Grace Aliah-Thuman approval hits all time low at 41%

UNOLIA-- Former Hippostanian Conservative Shawn Hitlay was formally Rehabilitated via an urgent order from Chairman Jarrod Thuman yesterday. He returned in triumph to the Jahistic National Committee today to a round of thunderous applause and a standing ovation from the Committee Members, some of which were crying. Hitlay was excommunicated and expelled by the Jahistic Libertarian Party after suspicion arose of him being a spy. The last time anyone saw him was during the National Day Parade on January 3rd.

Chairman Thuman issued a notification declaring the following: "After two weeks of private investigation from myself and several high ranking members of the Party, we could only deduce that the expulsion order was made too quickly. He was not a spy and is hereby rehabilitated." Attached to that note was a urgent order for a meeting of the Jahistic National Committee the next day.

The Committee opened like it always did: with a playing of the Party's anthem. After that was finished, Thuman approached the dais with the simple words that will be remembered for history. "I yield as much time as necessary to Comrade Shawn Hitlay." Hitlay then appeared from the back entrance and approached the dais to a loud applause. The 31 year old Hitlay got up and gave a fifteen minute speech, declaring "I am sorry for anything I have done wrong, but I am glad to be back."

Due to Hitlay's status as an "Original Jahistic", he is considered a front runner to be named a successor to Chairman Thuman, who has been suffering from worrying health since January.

Along with the order to rehabilitate Hitlay came an order that basically pardoned all accused traitors to the Party, although not all were Rehabilitated. President Grace Aliah-Thuman allegedly urged her husband to not issue this order. She declared "once a traitor, always a traitor." with regards to Hitlay. This suggests a rift between some factions of the Party. Meanwhile, Hitlay has been afforded a dais seat at the JNC, suggesting a promotion.

[Democratic Koyro]

The Voice of Koyro International

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Great Leadership imprisons World Assembly vermin following fabrication of statistics, increased military readiness planned.

The symbol the Pro-communist organization.

15th April, Revolutionary Year 20.

Today, The Great and Respected Leader General Ohanka Jon Bak-su issued a decree calling for all inferior foreigners in Koyro working for the World Assembly, a loathsome organisation which exists for the sole purpose to destroy national sovereignty and to obliterate the way of life of the Koy People by imposing outdated, liberal legislation without the approval of the Great Leader. Since the Glorious Revolution of 1994 our Great Nation has stood as a shining beacon in the world for all who refuse to submit to the demands of the decedent, western supported organisation. A noble cause which has generated great irritation within the ranks of the sub-human globalists who direct WA legislation.

In response to our people's uncompromising, iron-willed determination for independence the World Assembly fabricated a series of lies about our superior nation in its 2012 "Human Rights" report, published recently to which our Great Leadership responded by imprisoning the western implanted agents, sent here by the WA under the guise of "Ambassadorship". Their true purpose was to gather military intelligence about the Great and Ever Victorious People's Army and to draft a fabricated report to provoke the Western Forces of Communism, Liberalism and Capitalism into war with our Superior Nation.

The globalists cannot tolerate that our Great Nation has developed into a powerful, independent force with unique ideological, cultural, military and social guidance as developed by the Great Leader General Ohanka Jon Bak-su. His wise guidance, along with the determination of our people and the strength of our military have developed our nation into an industrial and military power without any reliance on the inferior nations of the world. Our example stands as a monumental contradiction to the values and beliefs that the WA has spread to pollute the minds of the inferior people's of the world. As such they would have our way of life destroyed. They would have our great, independent civilization crumble into the ground, and our people's values and way of life pushed aside to make way for a decedent, selfish and inferior lifestyle.

The vile report was dismissed as complete fiction by our, and enlightend government's of the world as complete work of fiction, The State Committee for Foreign Affairs released a statement correcting the intentional inaccuracies of the report, and declaring the true intention of the WA espionage team. Shortly later dedicated forces from the National Armed Police stormed the WA "Embassy" in Revolutionary City and imprisoned all personnel in the building, who have been declared guilty of espionage and counter-revolutionary activity and sentenced to execution, to be carried out Friday 19th. A decision celebrated with much joy by our invincible people.

Furthermore, The Brilliant Supreme Commander Ohanka Jon Bak-su personally announced that a series of live-fire military exercises will be performed by the Army, Navy and Air Force and that readiness will be set to Alertcon 2, a decision garunteed to counter any and all hostility from Foreign Nations in response to our refusal to tolerate espionage and lies against our superior nation. A message was sent to all embassies within the capital, excluding those of trusted allies located in the Palace of the Republic informing them of the decision and that their compounds would be locked down and that Troops of the People's Army would replace the Police Security Forces. Embassies will remain locked down until the foreign-invoked crisis is over.

As a final step to garuntee the safety of our people and our continued independent development, the Great Leader General Ohanka Jon Bak-su announced that the Strategic Weapons and Artillery Guidance Bureau, the organization responsible for development and maintaince of our strategic deterent of nuclear, chemical and biological weapons would reinitalize the Dazzling Skies project. The nuclear testing project was placed on hold in Revolutionary Year 8 as it was found that the world did not require continued reassurance of our military might. A total of 8 above ground nuclear detonations are planned, as well as a test fire of our new payload delivery system. This decision will garuntee that the World Assembly will never again commit a hostile act against the Great State of Koyro.

- Political News Group, Internal Affairs Section, English Translation Directorate.

[Bleckonia]

Whoops. Accidentally got rid of the article about restricting travel to Koy. I thought it was a new post.

[Namor]

THE PICKLE
Media Scan of the Day

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A news article that was censored at the last minute from...

BIG BIRD CHOSEN TO BE JAHISTIC LIBERTARIAN PARTY MASCOT
Thuman: "Because he's yellow"


Jarrod Thuman nominated Big Bird to become the JLP's official mascot

"I'm gonna pop some tags
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket
I - I - I'm hunting, looking for a come-up
This is fucking awesome"

--Our Great Chairman Jarrod Thuman
commenting on the usefulness of thrift shops
in a truly capitalist society

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UNOLIA, UNOLIA - Our Great Teacher, Great Leader, Great Marshal, Great General, and our Glorious, Masturbated Messiah and the LEGITIMATE BROTHER of Jesus Christ, Jarrod Thuman, has chosen to make Big Bird the official mascot of Our Great Flawless Indisputable and Indestructable Jahistic Libertarian Party.

Our Great Chairman said that Big Bird has been a fierce fighter for the Glorious Worldwide Far-left RIGHTIST movement, and has opposed the ideals of voluntarism-capitalism state socialism. For twenty-five thousand years straight, Big Bird has been working in the sweat shop for 42 hours a day, without being paid and doing everything he was instructed to do by his superiors, to show the world the benefits of capitalism, and the eyesores of paying employees and acknowledging their work ethic.

If you oppose the Party, you die.
Remember, Our Great Chairman
is staring at you (yes, you, you
socialist-ass punk, we're going to
shoot you!)

Our Great Chairman, Great Marshal, Great Messiah and the brother of Jesus, Jarrod Thuman, said that (comrades, jot his words down in your notebook! If you don't, you will be struggled against and dumped into the Popchong River! )

Big Bird is an inspiring head of the Worldwide Rightist Revolution. Not only is he willing to live a capitalist lifestyle and not get paid for his work, he is also a big. yellow bird! Our Party is yellow, too.

Fellow Party members voiced their endorsement for Big Bird as the Party mascot. The Firebrand interviewed a party member from New Ukruda, where we pointed a rifle at his head he explained his honest opinion on Big Bird's glorious nomination.

I think...it's nice that Big Bird's nominated...uh...can you get that gun off of my head now?

The party member then got shot in the head, as expected returned to his normal, God-given duties.

This nomination has been the wisest act done by our Iron-Willed Commander and Our Fatherly, Brotherly Messiah, ever since the year 2016, when he jumped 3,000 metres into the air, destroyed the North Korean airforce in one fistfight, then dived back down into sea level and choked every member of the Plign Dynasty in a split second to create the new Unolia we have today. Long live Big Bird! Long live Jarrod Thuman! Long live the indestructible Party! If you oppose the party, you die. Remember, Our Great Chairman is staring at you!

[Luziyca]

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Secret government documents from Ainin revealed

It had been stored in this vault since 1991

FORESTIA, AININ - Today, an insider source for a government department in Ainin gave us the exclusive on a secret document dating back to the war, which Ainin has plans to reveal in 2059. This document was their strategy in the event that Ainin declared war with East Luziyca, and fought alongside the communists in West Luziyca.

The insider, who shall be known as "Marshal Petain" from hereon forth, gave us the details for the plan, known as "Plan Red," or in French, "Plan Rouge", which has not been updated since reunification of Luziyca in 1997 under a free and democratic regime.

"I," Marshal Petain said, "shall reveal the plan. The first step of this plan is to send bombers ouest de Namor, to bomb the vivre merde out of them. When la défense becomes startled, we then storm la côte nord of Luziyca, Then, when la résistance devient féroce comme un chien casse colère, we then pull back, and establish a naval defense line in le Great Esquarium Ocean. That is what they proposed in 1991, and the reason why they ditched the plan is due to two things. Luziycan reunification, and la révolution nordiquefeu."

When we asked him how he got in, he replied, "It is quite ridiculously easy. If it asks for a password, I just press la barre d'espace, and then I can read the document."

We then asked him what MOTIVATED him to share these plans with us.

Marshal Petain then stated, "I wanted to show the Luziycans that they MAY have sinister motives. They may be strong trading partners, BUT below the surface, it is clear that Ainin wants to impose a communist dictatorship within the freest nation in Esquarium. Thus, I felt a patriotic duty to reveal it to my fellow kin, to let them know that Ainin is secretly a communist dictatorship."

Finally, we asked him one last question, whether he feared being fired.

"I doubt it. I did it tons of times before, nothing happened to me, and I doubt they'd do anything. Maybe give me a warning but that's it."

Thus, in conclusion, these documents from 1991 show that Ainin supported West Luziyca, a communist dictatorship, and thus is likely to support such regimes like Red Iglesiantis, or Red Namor.

[St Marselis]

Terrorist Attack In Ciudad Del Sol

One of the Three trucks used in a bombing on the House of Marselis and the only truck still intact

Today in the capital of Ciudad Del Sol a multiple truck bombing of House of Marselis which is where the St Marselis Senate meets tore through the buildings court yard and flung shrapnel over several city blocks. The attack followed an attack on the guards of the House of Marselis who came under fire by members of the once minuscule Anti-MSC group called Mano Derecha de la Libertad.

Mano Derecha de la Libertad was formed just after the 1992 constitutional rewriting and apprised the MSC lead government. They operated peaceful protest until a swift crackdown of all opposition group was carried out and the group was though to have been eradicated. But in 2003 they sprung back up by and did small time vandalism by putting posters and spray painting anti-government messages. They seem to have been hiding out in the country side of Isla Coralina.

Only picture of MDL leader Natán De Leon

Information from are insiders have shown that in 2011 MDL gained new leadership in a man named Natán De Leonwho is a former officer in the National Defence Force. He has been cited as the reformist of the group turning from an Anti-Government protest group into a revolutionary Terrorist organization.

Just hours after the attack Gran Gobernante Sangre Corredor gave a national address say that the attack "Is an affront to the leadership and people of St Marselis and these terrorist only look for the destruction of the nation from the insideout." he was also quoted as saying "the military will be given emergency power to help snuff out the baby killers."

In all 37 people were killed and 3 wounded in the gun fight and bombing. The National Defence Force has been set in high alert and as stated above have been given special powers to check anyone's home and buisness for signs of terrorist accosiation. This will also mean a strict curfew of 9:00 PM will be unforced by the National Defence force.

Soldiers patrolling Downtown Estufa.

So far 12 people have been arrested and excited for links to terrorist activities. Some of them even had a 7 year old work for them but no matter the age you can not escape justice. All 12 were exicuted right on the street outside their house. Juan Corléon Master General of the Nationak Defence force has stated "we will eliminate any and all of these unpatriotic monsters." and has said that he plans to do raids on all homes in the nation if he has to.

[Maryginia]

Tropeer, Escuaatooreaa
As of 12 hours ago, 5,000 troops from the Marejaan state of Escuaatooreaa have been deployed to the Bleckonia-Koyro border to maintain and keep peace, according to reports the troops sent word that they had arrived and set up camp a half mile from the Border, on the Bleckonian side, with orders to only shoot unless fired upon, but if so, to shoot to kill. The troops are to form a wall preventing either side's soldiers from advancing across, unless they fire upon Marejaan troops, and should that happen, they were given strict instructions to fire back and notify the government in Balstoon, in which case, Marejaan shall declare war on the respective party, and begin an invasion, the aim of the operation is to prevent rash decisions by either side.

[Namor]

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NAMO-UNOLIAN NORMALIZATION TREATY PASSED
Ministry of Foreign Affairs' official response: "Normalization First before Anything Else"


A majority voted for Namor and Unolia to normalize

April 16, NMR 2353 (Gregorian)
Seventh Day of the Third Month (Namorese)
Thirteenth Day of Pure Brightness

CENTRAL COUNCIL HALL, NAMO - Today, the Central Council officially began taking the vote over the approval of the Normalization Treaty Between the People's Republic of Namor and the Jahistic Unified Republic of Unolia, a document of normalization signed between Alicia Wolf and Jarrod Thuman during her historic visit to Unolia, after a 48 hour-long filibuster done by a faction of the Democratic Socialist Party.

IN OTHER NEWS:
Comwald invades
Vadnya, Namorese
government calls for "peace and
restraint"

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Bleckonia bolsters
defence amidst speculation of attack
from Koy regime

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Greasy Joe's agrees to sell 100%
vegetarian food to Wotu villagers

This is the first time the Central Council voted on diplomatic normalization treaties since NMR 2315, when the Namorese government was considering a normalization treaty with Orientalia and Hvidbjerg; and like always, the debate was furious and heated.

Supporting the normalization treaty was Minister of Foreign Affairs Tzo To, who, although did not have an official say in the vote, told PTH: "Before Unolia and Namor can do anything, our priority is to normalize. As a peace-loving nation who favors diplomacy over anything else, it is an imperative that diplomatically-speaking, Normalization First. We cannot do anything without formal normalization."

Tzo also commented on the recent PTH controversy, in which the Jahistic Unolian regime actually declared a "state of emergency" after PTH labelled Jarrod Thuman as a dictator in one of its articles: "The Unolians have to understand that the Namorese media can say whatever it wants...but a simple news headline should, in my belief, not interfere with the normalization of diplomatic relations. After all, what PTH, Namor Today or any other news outlet says is not under our jurisdiction....we have freedom of the press, after all."

During the general debate session on the Normalization Treaty, a huge debate began between Liberationist CCM Emma Friedman and Democratic Socialist CCM Lo Hung, who is an avid socialist known for his opposition towards right-wing, conservative dictatorships.

"We cannot possibly normalize with Unolia until their regime agrees to respect human rights and cut back on its unneccessary authoritarianism," argued Hung, "to normalize with Unolia is like respecting what ther regime does to its own people, dragging innocents into struggle meetings and accusing them of supporting the ideals we uphold? Normalization is out of the discussion."

Rebutted Friedman: "You say 'refusal to normalization due to what the regime does,' I hear 'interference in others' internal affairs.' Granted, the Unolians may be authoritarian in a way, but there is no way their ideology is ever going to spread to us and enslave us all. With second thought, what they do within their own country is not our concern, and shouldn't affect normalization either."

Finally, all parties agreed to vote. 520 voted YEA, and 80 voted NAY. None abstained, meaning that the Normalization Treaty has been passed by the Central Council, and is now still pending approval from the President, who is most likely going to sign it, as well as the Unolian regime, whose Parliament has granted Chairman Thuman himself the decision on whether the treaty should be made official.

---PTH/RTN

[Ainin]

Government in Damage Control Following Leak
Luziycan Paper The Constitution Leaks Damaging Documents from the 90s

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Scandalous Revelations from the 90s

JASPER HILL, JP - The Government was on the defensive today in Congress as the opposition had a field day panning the government over a secret plan known as Plan Red, which was leaked earlier this week by the Luziycan newspaper The Constitution. According to the article, and later confirmed by a Defence Ministry spokesperson, in June of 1991, a secret plan was drafted by the Ministry of Defence for a preemptive attack on East Luziyca, a nation now known simply as Luziyca after the Communist West was annexed in 1997.

The plan, leaked by a high-ranking military official under the pseudonym Maréchal Pétain, who has been confirmed by Vice-President Ally to have been detained by agents of the Judge Advocate General's Bureau and charged with high treason, a charge that has not been filed since 1955. Ironically, just as the paper predicted, he was given a full amnesty by the Supreme Court, due to an unconstitutional clause in the law he was charged under, the Electronic Warfare Act of 2008. The plan, scheduled to be declassified in 2053, called for B-52 heavy bombers to pass through Namorese territory and bomb both military and civilian targets in East Luziyca, which would then be followed by a landing to distract Luziycan forces while the Twelfth Fleet established a defensive perimeter in the Central Esquarian Sea.

Critics of the plan called it "reckless" and "extremely high risk", noting that the East Luziycan Air Force was one of Esquarium's largest aerial defence forces and that the Namorese Government surely would have objected to such a mission and banned the bombers from its airspace, which would force them to fly hours around Namorese territory, losing the element of surprise. Defence Minister Olivers (LSD/Forestia-South-Centre), on behalf of the Ministry, has issued a formal apology to the Luziycan Ambassador in Forestia, "sincerely regretting the unfortunate implications and warmongering" by the Conservative [1976-1993], Liberal [1993-1994] and Social Democratic [1994-2000] governments, who had maintained the plan well beyond Luziycan Reunification, with then-President Ronald Erickson scrapping it in 1997 due to the Norsefire Revolution in Zokoria, making a massive bomber sortie impossible on an intelligence point of view.

The case was unanimously referred to the Forestia Prosecutor-General, who is expected to file negligence charges against several senior military officers.

Comments (3)

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▲ 134 | ▼ 102 Sam W. (East Forestia, Forestia)
Wut.

▲ 5 | ▼ 92 Jenny C. (Hartley, West-Ainin)
The government was right we should have nuked eaast luuzycia.

▲ 32 | ▼ 54 Anonymous Poster (Jasper Hill, Jasper)
I say we keep the plan.

[The Jahistic Unified Republic]

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IN OTHER NEWS:

• Free Iglesiantis invaded
• Voluntary income tax established
• Red nations suffer from stunted growth
• River found near Unolia. Named "Popchung"
• Deposed King of Old Unolia may form Government-in-exile.

UNOLIA-- The Jahistic National Committee convened today, with Jarrod Thuman as the Chairman. The session was considered a normal one, due to it's scheduling in advance. What was different, however, was the atmosphere. Instead of a normal parliamentary session, most of the session was devoted to commentary from the Chairman himself, and the session was open to the public. By public, we mainly mean JYC members and press.

Thuman opened the session and motioned for unlimited time to speak. Usually this motion is only used for a potential filibuster. After that motion passed, he began to speak about a hot topic: the relationship with Namor. "This relationship is a special one." Thuman said, at the podium. "Whether we love the government or hate the government, they play a big part in our way of life, being in such close proximity to us." He also commented on the recent passing of the Namorese-Jahistic Normalization Treaty by the Namorese Central Council: "Although there were a few detractors, we feel that the Central Council's decision reflects the overall Namorese attitude about the JUR. Willing to make amends and start anew." He commented on his end of the treaty by saying: "It's going to happen. I have been trusted by the Committee with my judgement on the treaty, and I will sign it in 14 days."

The most controversial comments from the Chairman was regarding his health. He simply declared "I am not well, in terms of health." This statement confirms many suspicions stemming from the Fourth Jahistic Congress. The 29 year old Thuman finally confirmed the fact he was ill. Nobody knows for sure what exactly he has, but his attitude on the podium can speak volumes. Our prayers are with the Chairman as he is going through whatever he is going through, and we wish him a speedy recovery.

One of the more notable parts of the session was Shawn Hitlay being proclaimed the new First Secretary of the Jahistic Libertarian Party, in a ground breaking vote of 521-120-1. This has been a spectacular week for Comrade Hitlay, starting with his rehabilitation and his appointment as Chairman Thuman's number two in the Jahistic Libertarian Party Standing Committee. Now he is the expected successor to Chairman Thuman should something bad indeed happen to the Chairman. Hitlay accepted the nomination saying that the JUR should "Move on away from the old socialist Unolia." He also finally spoke to the same JYC that shunned him three months ago.

He urged the young people to be more extreme, declaring "The socialists-- knowing that their days are numbered-- caution against extremes! They do this so people won't think for themselves in any way. So that they may fit into their cookie-cutter ideals. I urge all of you to be as extreme as possible! If you see a poster you don't like, tear it down. If your teacher teaches something you don't agree with, challenge him on it! If you see a book that challenges your ideals, speak out against it!" His speech was met with thunderous applause from the JYC in attendance. One JYC troop commented "We must be extreme in our efforts to destroy the region and rebuild it."-- referencing the Jahistic motto: "Destroy the Old World, Forge the New World."

Hitlay even challenged Thuman. "Don't recognize anymore socialist nations!" One could wonder what the Chairman thought of this.

[Namor]

THE PICKLE
Esquarium's #1 News Network!

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STUDY REVEALS THAT ZOKORIAN SPIES ARE THE STUPIDEST IN THE WORLD
98% of HST agents tend to reveal their secret missions before they are accomplished


HST agent found rolling his eyes in a storefront in Forestia

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JASPER HILL, AININ - James Norska, Professor of Espionage Studies as well as the Professor of International Relations and Military Strategy from Jasper Hill University, finally published his long-awaited book Esquarium's Spies: Lacking Intelligence?, in which he revealed that of all intelligence agencies and their operatives in Esquarium, Zokoria's HST (Heck, it's not a SecreT) has the worst, stupidest and idiotic spies ever. Norska has spent half of his lifetime researching spies, visiting jail cells and interrogating captured intelligence and counterintelligence agents. Starting in 1977, he had composed a chart of every foreign spy's IQ. At first, things were looking pretty stupid for the CIA and the R-SOD, but after 1999, the two stupid intelligence agencies had another competitor, and a stupid one too---the HST. Due to political and personal reasons, Norska's research has not been published until now.

"This graph shows that of all the spies the authorities have captured, most of them are Zokorian," Norska told us, "And that's because before Zokorian spies go on a mission to ANYWHERE, they tell the whole world where they're going and what they're GOING to do. It's no surprise that the authorities have had them cornered on the first days of their missions."

Norska also exposed the IQ levels of the average spy from their respective agencies.

"The average R-SOD agent has an IQ of 10," he said, showing us a graph, "while the average CIA agent has an IQ of 9 before 1995, and after that continues to decrease. But look at THAT!" he pointed at another bar shooting way below the zero line. "HST--or Zokorian agents--have an average IQ of -500. Damn, even my mentally ill sister is smarter than that."

Professor Norska said this was no surprise at all. We paid a visit to the Jasper Hill National Prison, where we interviewed five captured HST agents on how they were caught.

"Durrr....before I went on mission, I call the Aininian regjeringen through the telefon that I was going to Ainin, and that I was there to...uh....spy on communist regime," explained HST agent Dumme Esel, "Once I got to Ainin, they come with the politiet, and take me to this fengsel."

Other spies had stupider backgrounds.

"Before I went on the mission...oh, how did I even get here?" said a Zokorian covert spy who couldn't remember his own name.

[Geadland]

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES PASSES 22 BILLS IN FINAL SESSION
Opposition backbenchers criticise Speaker for organisation

22nd April 2013 Last updated 21:54 Geadish Standard Time

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DA HEGNER – On the last day of parliamentary business before the chamber is dissolved for the next election, the House of Representatives cleared out a backlog of 22 bills in a “marathon session” which lasted 11 hours, from 10:00am to 9:07pm. Each bill was subjected to its final reading and a vote, with being successfully passed. Most of the bills dealt with government administration and some even passed with support from the Conservatives.

Verbåten said that he arranged the session because “these bills we discussed were fairly uncontroversial but may have been forgotten about had the chamber been dissolved before we had a chance to pass them.” “Well done to all our MPs for bearing with us and getting all of this business done.”

Amongst the bills passed included a restructuring of the Food Standards Agency, authorisation for the construction of a railway line to Halvelo Quarry, removing several environment-related tax loopholes and amendments to the parliamentary procedural rules. It was recorded that 514 MPs attended the first session, but this dropped to 404 at the end of the session. The party whips only allowed their backbenchers to leave in pairs – for every coalition MP who left, an opposition MP had to leave with them.

Several Conservative and Progressive MPs criticised the Speaker of the House, Emma Magnussen (SDLP – Esserdal), who is responsible for setting the timetable for debates. Markus Matjassen (Prog. – Eskrau Central) said he was “bloody exhausted” after the session. “The Speaker should not have allowed this to happen. The fact the chamber has ended up waiting until the last minute to pass these motions is the result of bad time management.“ One Conservative backbencher, Katerina Smid (Con. – Steefansburgh) posted on Twitter that “We had two early finishes last week. Couldn’t the time have been better spent?”

Magnussen defended the arrangements, arguing that the MPs had “requested time off in order to prepare for campaigning” and that “I did warn them that it would come to this if we kept finishing early.”

Normal parliamentary procedure takes 25 minutes to carry out the final reading of a bill – about 15-20 minutes of debate following by 5-10 minutes to carry out voting. The majority of debate takes place during the second reading (at which point a preliminary vote is held) and the report stage. Because of this, debate is limited in the final reading and the final vote rarely. In addition, the chamber took several breaks. The bills will now head to the Senate for further consideration; the Senate will remain in session after the House of Representatives is dissolved.

• SDLP and Conservatives to hold simultaneous conferences
• Halvelo Municipal Council to close cannabis bars
• Queen attends cheese tasting in Hessel

[Maryginia]

Saneerd, Topelstaan
As of 5 hours ago, the State Of Topelstaan, with its people and congress passed The Destructive Movement Prohibition Act which states that Dancing is illegal within the State and allows for the Establishment of State-Run Prisons where "Dangerous Behavioral individuals" will be sent to. The State Is the Only controlled by the Coorpooraateo Leg, A political party that Advocates Authoritarianism, And end to the Monarchy, and recently, center-leftism, the People passed the vote 94%-6% and the congress passed the vote 86-14. The Law is being protested against by Many groups outside the state, and many have called for federal troops to declare the Law unconstitutional, the Grand States Rights Monarch has yet to declare what he will do about the matter, and whether or not he will allow it to stand.

[Namor]

DEAT'D

[Peitoa]

---BEGINNING OF TRANSMISSION---

THE VOICE OF FREE NAMOR
News brought to you by the fine Republic itself

---

Military Readiness upgraded as leadership changes happen within Communist Bandit "government"

The National Army is now in full alert against communist aggression from the mainland

---

NOVI NAMOR, PEITOA PROVINCE, REPUBLIC OF NAMOR: Today, Secretary-General of the Republican Party of Namor and the Supreme Head of the Republic of Namor, Jack Lo, issued a statement to the Namorese people, declaring that the National Republic's military readiness has intensified and has been upgraded as the communists controlling the blood-stained mainland are undergoing regime change, as bandit leader Jamin Chen gives up his "presidential" seat to Alicia Wolf of the "Democratic Socialist 'Party'," which is just a puppet organization of the "liberationist" communists that took over mainland Namor 63 years ago.

The Secretary-General declared that the National Army is already on full alert, to protect Peitoa Province from communist aggression, or possible amphibious landing done by the communist bandit army from mainland Namor, amid reports that bandit leader and traitor Alicia Wolf is considering a mass invasion of Peitoa, to make the last refuge of Free Namor succumb to the red beast.

He is also ordering that all citizens living in Peitoa Province, particularly those living in Jung To County and Jung Ki County stay on full alert and report suspicious activities to the Secret Guard, who will be with the people at all times. Citizens are expected to report communist sympathizers and spies sent by the puppet organization to authorities.

The Central Command of the National Army also issued a statement regarding the change in events going on within the Communist "leadership" occupying most of Namor, saying that if the communists dare attack Peitoa, severe measures would be taken by the National Army to protect the Republic of Namor. "The National Army is vigilant at all times," read the statement, "if the communist bandits dare arouse the fury of the Free Namorese, the Army will not only drive invading bandits out of Peitoa, but will also send troops to Namor's coast and liberate the country from the red occupation 'government.' The National Army does not engage in empty talk. Every one of its words must be taken seriously."

---END OF TRANSMISSION---

[Luziyca]

---

First book by Sorna Letivenko released, details life in Swilatia

This book provides an accurate picture of life in Swilatia outside of what they want you to see

BETHLEHEM, LUZIYCA - Today, Communist Hell, a book by Sorna Letivenko, a former police officer who was only fired because the Swilatians were too soft on crime has been released worldwide. Throughout many bookstores and on Kindles, many eagerly got it, whether for their e-readers, or paperback version. It paints quite a vivid picture of life in Swilatia. It is on sale in Luziyca for Д7.49, and in Swilatia for 5,99sw.

This book has six chapters, for a 250 page book, which makes it quite perfect to read at home or for an assignment at school.

Chapter 1: The Immigrant - It details his decision to emigrate Luziyca, to Cernograd, with a goal to depose the communist regime, and taking his family. It also describes the journey.
Chapter 2: Welcome to Hell - It shows them trying to adjust to Swilatian culture. Sorna gets a job as a police officer, his wife becomes a stay-at-home mom, and the children are insular and isolated.
Chapter 3: The Propaganda Machine - It describes the education system as placed in this communist country, and the state of schools. It shows torture of children, including their daughter, Karen, at the school. It shows that schools in Cernograd were worse than schools in Kashui, and even how its economy is IDENTICAL to Commie Land
Chapter 4: Soft on Crime - This chapter describes the Swilatian "police" system and "judicial" system, and how they benefit criminals, and NOT the victims of the crimes. It also describes his experience in Cernograd's Police.
Chapter 5: Escaping from Communism - It shows that he got fired, and the police began looking for him for he suspected to be a CIA agent. He got his family to escape Swilatia, to their homeland, on time.
Chapter 6: Back Home - It details how he was welcomed as a hero, for trying to remain tough on crime, even when communists refused his noble efforts.

Already, it is topping The Constitution's Bestseller List. So far, it has garnered many reviews, most of them positive.

A 19 year old man said, "This book is great. It tells more of the truth than the propaganda that Swilatia spouts out to the world."
Jacob Kuyumbaye, author of The Truth Behind Empire stated, "It was quite a good read. It exposes Swilatia as a communist hellhole. Quite coherent, it is quite well done, and I feel it will start a revolution in Swilatia."

A Swilatian, clearly brainwashed had this to say, as a police officer had a gun pointed to his head: "It is bad, because it comes from Naziyca. We live in a shiny land of freedom and democracy, full of rainbows and butterflies. Also, it either has to sell for 6,00sw, or it's banned! Oh wait, it's already banned!"

Thus, it has proved that this book is a hit amongst those who support freedom and democracy, and should be read. If you haven't gotten this book, you must get it now, for it exposes the truth of Swilatia.

[Namor]

RADIOTELEVISION NAMORA NEWS
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PREPARATIONS FOR WOLF INAUGURATION ONGOING
Analysts say could be the largest inauguration in Namorese history, as it coincides with annual nationwide May Day Rally


Thousands are already flocking to the capital to either a) witness history in the making or b) protest the rise of laissez-faire capitalist influence throughout the country

April 28, NMR 2353 (Gregorian)
Nineteenth Day of the Third Month (Namorese)
Ninth Day of the Grain Rain

NAMO, NAMOR - Right now, thousands of people throughout Namor are flocking to Namo, either to witness Alicia Wolf’s inauguration on May Day, or to take part in the city's annual May Day street demonstrations, one of the largest in the region.

IN OTHER NEWS:
Luziycan having close ties with home regime
publishes book aimed at defaming Swilatia

---

Tabloid magazine "El Buscador" rates Wolf
to be sexiest politician of all time

---

Chairman Thuman does not have long to live,
say Unolian independents

As Wolf would become the first female president in contemporary Namorese history, the average Namorese just cannot ignore this news. Timur Shanko, 45, cannot agree more. The mother of two children, she came to Namo to witness the inauguration.

"I'm here to see history unfold," said she, "and I want my children to see this miraculous moment, too."

A small military parade is to be held around Liberation Square, as crowds of speculators will watch Wolf take the Oath of Office on the Central Council Hall Rostrum, followed by running mate Kaitlyn Khan, who will be sworn in as Namor's first female vice president.

After being sworn in, the new president will address her people in her inaugural speech, then proceed to the Executive House, which would become her home in the next five or ten years. It is estimated that over 30 million people will witness Wolf's inauguration live, while television broadcasts of the same event would attract over 1 billion views, making Wolf's inauguration the largest one in Namorese history since NMR 2290, when Yunglang Antelope was sworn in.

But not everyone is flocking to Namo to just see the Speaker take office. Others are in Namo to prepare for the annual May Day demonstrations, which is also grasping attention from the national media. Demonstrations are mainly focused on laborer's rights and the preservation of Namor's labor laws, which are being quickly loosened as the whole country embraces free enterprise.

"Capitalism: don’t fall for its dirty tricks," announced a poster in the city encouraging people to join the rally, "Come walk with us on May Day to protect the rights of the workers!"

The street demonstrations are also expected to receive a record high amount of attention, given its close proximity to Wolf’s swearing-in. Organizers have also expressed their confidence in the new administration for years to come.

"She [Wolf]'s gonna bring us back to where we should be!" Ulan Kofaha, chairperson of the Namo Worker’s Rights Association told PTH. "We love her, workers love her, everybody loves her. She’s the right woman to get Namor back into the right path."

And like always, others disagree.

Capitalists, Tories and Jahistics---the leading figures of Namor's right-wing---are also organizing a rally on May Day to counter what they call the growing menace of the left wing. "Time for these communists to shut up and stop poisoning Namo with their lies," Cui Jian Jr., a storekeeper told PTH. "Wolf is going to blindfold us all with a piece of red cloth. I'd rather get blindfolded by a piece of yellow cloth, damnit."

Namor condemns Ohanka regime

Foreign Affairs Minister Tzo To has already condemned the Koy regime’s refusal to release WA Ambassadors in the country. Esquarium’s fourth-largest nation--led by Ohanka Jon Bak-su since NMR 2337--has previously arrested WA representatives for spreading "communist propaganda" and threatening the government’s prestige over its own people. Moreover, Minister Tzo also slammed Koyro’s attempts into causing tension and destabilizing peace and stability in the already turmoiled southeastern Esquarian security.

“Namor[...] condemns the actions done by the Koy government and its stubborn refusal to release international representatives in their country,” said Tzo in a press conference. “Koyro, being a full member of the World Assembly, should not only respect the WA’s immunity but also follow every one of the WA’s passed legislation. Doing so is violation of international law, and Namor just can’t commend that.”

Namor is expected to give H500,000 ($895000) financial aid to Bleckonia, who is currently dispatching troops to the Koy border to safeguard its national security.

---PTH/RTN

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[The Jahistic Unified Republic]

---

Jahistic Year 10
UNOLIA-- In their first major meeting in a month, the Assembly of the People opened up today to begin debate on a piece of legislation proposed by the honorable Standing Committee of the Jahistic National Committee, known as the "Revolutionary Non-Aggression Act". The law was proposed formally by Assembly Robert Thomason (JLP-Roosmoore).

IN OTHER NEWS:

• Deng Xiaoping's picture in Assembly torn down
• Handball Season about to start up
• Namorese Media reports that Chairman Thuman is sick
• Swilatians confirmed to have an IQ of <90, studies show. Public Education blamed.
• JPN to build up Carrier fleet

The Social Democracy Party had no major objections to the law at all, in a surprise twist. The Unolian National Party fled with the King of Old Unolia to the People's Republic of Namor to set up a illegitimate government-in-exile. The Jahistic Libertarian Party pounced, dead set on creating the New Unolia's legal system. This law was passed with a vote of 321-129-50, which is considered a big victory for rightism and the immortal Voluntarism-Capitalism-Jarrod Thuman Thought. The law takes it name from an important principle of the immortal Voluntarist social ideology: The Non-Aggression Principle, which our Beloved Teacher and Leader, Chairman Thuman, has been asking the Party to make a vital issue.

The law itself basically decriminalizes--if not legalizes-- most things that are commonly called "Victimless Crimes". This includes recreational drug use, avoidance of taxes, gay marriage and the like. The law also abolishes any concept of an involuntary "Social Contract", which is proved to be counter-revolutionary and unfair to people who cannot afford to abide by said contract. Many reactionary rightists have criticized the law, claiming it will "establish a basis of anarchy." In a press conference after the fact, Grace Aliah-Thuman remarked that "Anarchism is the goal."

On the other side of this, it does afford the People many rights against aggression from other people. For example, it drops any charges of manslaughter against a person whom the police determine were acting in self defense. Chairman Thuman, imparting his glorious and revolutionary wisdom on the matter, declared in Jahistic Year 5 that "If a person means to hurt you, then it is fair to save yourself by any means." The government is no longer able to

On the foreign front, it reaffirms the JUR's stance of a large military and it's right to protect fellow rightist nations in our fraternal struggle against the Red Horde.

Our Beloved Guide in the Revolution, Chairman Jarrod Thuman, did not make an appearance for the momentous occasion, for undisclosed reasons.

[The Jahistic Unified Republic]

---

New Handball Season Starts Up

Jahistic Year 10

Fernando Marcus, of the Unolia Revolutionaries, attempts a shot on goal.

Nationwide-- Handball has always been a special sport to the Unolians (and the Jahistic Movement as a whole), but there had never been a major handball league encompassing all of New Unolia since the Kingdom had fell ten years ago. With it, the National Unolian Handball Federation had died. That never stopped high school and collegiate players from playing, however, after college, there was no official Handball League for people to join. That was, until today.

Today, handball players took the fields in the new Unolian Handball League. Today, the players took the court to packed crowds. Out of the six games played today, four were sold out to the ravage handball fans, many of which adults whom haven't seen a professional Handball game since JUR 1. This brought back a feeling of nostalgia for the now 20-something fans. President Grace Aliah-Thuman opened the first game herself in the Beckistan Recreational Megaplex at 12:01 PM, to a thunderous applause which could purportedly be heard a half a mile away.

The UHF's format is a double round robin style, which means that each team in a conference will face each other twice. There will be 22 sets of matches, with two taking place a week. If a team is in the Unolian National League (NL), then they will play their games on Mondays and Wednesdays. If a team is in the Jahistic Handball Federation (JHF), their games will be on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The NL was picked on a city by city basis whilst the JHF has one handball team per Jahistic Republic. "It's so everyone can have a team to root for. That they can call their own." UHF Chairman Timothy Wang said during the press conference announcing the start of the league, 5 months ago.

When the regular season ends, all teams will join a double elimination format tournament, with their record determining their seed. If two teams tie, there will be a coin flip for the higher seed. This is unique, as most sports leagues only allow the top record holders to compete in the playoffs. The Final Four this year is going to be held in the Unolia Megadome, which is home to the Unolia Revolutionaries.

Chairman Jarrod Thuman sounded off via social media, claiming that "Grace says she's taking a liking to the (New Ukruda) Phalanx... Grr. Go (Unolia) Revolutionaries!"

The Firebrand will have a ticker on the FNN reporting sports results and the sports results on the bottom of the paper every day when there is a game.

Ruptures def. Minutemen (29-22), Hornets def. Jets (27-24), Revolutionaries def. Chargers (31-27), Lighthouses def. Buffalos (29-21), Fighters def. Mockingbirds (29-26), Fortsguards def. Blues (26-25)

[Namor]

RADIOTELEVISION NAMORA NEWS
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WOLF, KHAN OFFICIALLY INAUGURATED AS PRESIDENT AND VICE-PRESIDENT, RESPECTIVELY
New president outlines "Great Leap Forward 2" plan in inauguration speech



Alicia Wolf (top) and Kaitlyn Khan (bottom) were sworn in today

May 1, NMR 2353 (Gregorian)
Twenty-first Day of the Third Month (Namorese)
Eleventh Day of the Grain Rain

NAMO, NAMOR - Millions were watching as Alicia Wolf and her running mate, Kaitlyn Khan (DS) recited the Oath of Office on the Central Council Hall Rostrum facing Liberation Square, the former being sworn in as the 8th President of the People's Republic of Namor and the latter as the 8th Vice President of Namor, marking the first time women took over both top positions in the Namorese Government.

IN OTHER NEWS:
As Thuman fades away, Shawn Hitlay takes
control of the Jahistic Unolian leadership

---

Regime on Peitoa calls Wolf inauguration
"illegitimate," receives several catcalls from
netizens

---

"Oteki Independence Movement" denounced
by the Union of Luziycans in Namor

After the two were sworn in, the band immediately played the Presidential Anthem, and members of the Executive Cabinet---notably Jamin Chen, his family and other cabinet ministers---applauded. Wolf then addressed the people in her first speech as President:

This is a truly bright day for our country....today is a new beginning, a beginning of peace, prosperity, unity and progress in Namor. If we work together, there is nothing, absolutely nothing we cannot do. Together we will build a new identity for this nation. Together, we will fight incitement and hate. Together, we will serve as a role model for those living under the iron fists of tyranny. We will show the Evil Dictatorship and its disciples that democracy and social equality is something the people of the world cannot live without.

It is unclear on whether Wolf's referral to the "Evil Dictatorship" is directed against, but most observers claim that she was attacking Luziyca.

In her speech, Wolf even outlined what she called a "Great Leap Foward 2," where she described how far Namor will go under five or ten years under her administration. The plan was not specifically described, but Wolf revealed that the "Great Leap" will see more government funding in social welfare, nationalization of markets and reinforced support of public education and healthcare.

It's time for Namor to take a great leap forward, not backwards. We have defeated Nazism. Callahanism. Irresponsible Capitalism. Now what? We have to defeat the problems within ourselves.

After her inauguration speech, cheers can be heard from Liberation Boulevard all the way up to downtown Namo. Wolf and Khan were escorted to the Executive House, where the President will live during her presidency. In a ceremonial and symbolic manner, Chen---who had been living in the House for the past five years---shook hands with Wolf and handed her what seems to be a key to one of the many doors the House has. It was the third peaceful power transition in modern Namorese history in a row.

OPINION: Can the Wolf-Khan Duo really get rid of free enterprise?

Wolf is a champion of equality. But does she really have the ability to avert Namor's inevitable shift towards laissez-faire capitalism? I think not.

The Namorese people are now falling in love with free enterprise. A stroll down the streets of Namo or Mojing will convince you entirely: you see private corporations dominating the billboards? And where did the government go? Nowhere. They simply disappeared ever since Kong Jo took office.

Wolf might have the wits to convince her people, but...(READ MORE)

---PTH/RTN