The Alchemists Guild Factbook

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The Alchemists Guild Factbook

Postby The Alchemists Guild » Mon Jan 30, 2012 8:33 pm

The Alchemists Guild Factbook



Basic Information
Country Name The Alchemists Guild
abbreviation T.A.G
demonym Alchemist
motto "Let all that glitters be gold"
leader: Prime Minister Earnest 'Ernie' Flowers
drives on the Left
time zone GMT
domain name .tag
National Symbols:
national animal Cat
national bird Mallard Duck
national flower Black Pansy
national tree Oak
national dish
Hurted buttock of monkfish, herded by shardings of self-slayed cuttlefishy on a shingle of mule-testiclets and cocklecocks, micro-deluged with a freshly puked bauclet of vodka hammered salmon vernita, spun and re-dizzied in a virtuous puddle-water vinaigrette. With a betrayal of slow murdered lamb sweated in it's own tears, mattressed on a potato shevardnadze, duveted with cossetts of serrano badger ham and guilt-tripped by a force-shunted wound of aubergine fresh-strafed with baked edamame bullets; retro-soothed in a sympathizing jeu of whiskey-damaged kidney stones and a deduced marsala intransigence. Followed by a funkedilia of candied peach-bladders in a cinnamon-boobed cleavage of nectarines, bathing in a jacuzine of faux nut's-blood and panic-opened lager, plynthed on a jack-russell scented rose-hip befuddler. Followed by a rush-blended smoothie of nano-sorbets of fruity molecules, a granita called anita and ice-cream quarterbacks in brandy-snap helmets.
Or a regretful wood-pigeon, hand haunted in a memory of asparagette wrongdoings, bondaged to a bed of covertly assassinated scallops and hard punched potato faces. With a bundle of penis-less chicken-supremes in a foaming potassium-cyanide sauce. With a pallet-cleansing cafeline, red-pepper corn and hydroxicobalamin meringuelett providing a refreshing and life-saving antidote. This is followed by a high-speed car-crash tenderized paragon of over-bearingly-mothered beef groin, with a hasidic reductio of gruffly manhandled chanterelle-mushroom-vulvas and a pert bouncler of cabbage-tits. (chosen by public vote in 2005).

National anthem:

The Alchemists Guild is a city state founded by exiled scientists, or alchemists as they were then known. Although the techniques of these people have been debunked, the spirit of free research, independent thinking and logical debate have lived on, and have led to a nation which leads the world in tolerance, freedom of expression and mature political discussion.

In 1616 residents of the town of York revolted over the fires and dangerous fumes released periodically from the myriad Alchemists’ lab’s. The alchemists were expelled from the town, and travelled 15 km to the east to set up a new town on the banks of the river Derwent. Having lost their primary source of income which was charging the public to watch the dazzling lights of their experiments the alchemists were forced to diversify, becoming experts in brewing, distilling, metallurgy, advanced-glassworking, medicine and paintmaking. This attracted alchemists from elsewhere in Britain, but other outsiders shunned and avoided the Guild (but not enough to not buy their products) and so the guild became insular, refusing to send an MP to the house of commons when asked, and effectively governing themselves including introducing their own universal public education system which concentrated on the so called Trans-Alchemical arts (or science as it became known). After 285 years of none-interacting-co-existence Alchemists stood up as one and called a mass strike, refusing to supply Great Britain with any of their high tech products and trading them to Germany instead, and baring all Britains from studying at the World Leading Alchemists Guild University if Britain did not give them their full independence. Eager to keep the guilds factories running, and having never had any real influence within the Guild, the British parliament gave into their demands, and on the 12th of March 1887 the independent city state of the Alchemists Guild was born.

The guild is a landlocked nation covering 296 km2 of land on either side of the river Derwent. The land is virtually completely flat, apart from some small hills in the north-east. Aside from the small airport in the north-west and a small park the entire territory is packed with buildings, from traditional Victorian brick houses to avant guard glass monoliths. There are no natural resources whatsoever and the climate is temperate.

The Guild has never had any form of active military; it has never declared war of any sort in its entire existence. A statue in the park commemorates the bloodless ‘Pig War’ of 1859 as ‘The only war in history fought right.’

The Alchemists Guild is a unitary and unicameral democracy, with MP’s being elected every 2 years, a simple majority is required for a party to form a government. It is essentially a 2 party state as in its history only the Labour and Conservative parties have ever had any major political success. Political debates between the 2 party leaders or a designated stand in are televised every week, and get huge ratings.


Labour Prime Minister Ernie Flowers


Deputy Prime Minister and likely successor Rose Holland


The Guild's parliament building, The Arcane Theatre.


The Prime Ministers official residence


The Guild is served by the small Alchemists guild international airport. Streets are heavily pedestrianized and car use is minimal within the city state due to the presence of the subsidized tram network.


The average wage is roughly $30,000. The economy is dominated by information technology, finance and high-tech industries. Virtually everything is imported from neighbours, including water and power. The Guild does uses its neighbours currency rather than printing its own for the convenience of tourists.
Main exports:
Tiny pieces of complex machinery and computer chips.
Main Imports:
Literally everything else.

The guild has just over 1.1 million residents. Only around 10% of these are religious, most of this group being Christians, with regular church goers being even rarer. As world population has risen sharply the guild’s has steadied off and has almost stopped growing completely.
Last edited by The Alchemists Guild on Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:37 am, edited 3 times in total.
The Queen of quips, the Sultan of snickering, the President of puns, the Generalissimo of jollity, the Tsar of zingers, the Guru of guffaws, the Jam Sahib of jokes, the Maharajah of mirth, the Chhatrapati of cheer, the Poligar of punch lines, the Rao Bahadur of revelry, the Baivarapatish of bullshit, the Chief Executive of chuckles, the Managing Director of merriment, the Deputy Financial Officer of damn funny observations, the Satrap of satire, who'll never give you a flat tire, 'cos she's not that dire, she used to have testicles, she still wears spectacles, the Edith Piaf of amateur table tennis (she regrets nothing about her backhand smashes) and the self-declared inventor of the prawn burrito... The one, the only... The chunter hunter... The Alchemists Guild!

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