The neck is too long, the meplat too sharp, the nose not particularly aerodynamic, the boat tail too shallow of an angle, the web (area of the cartridge just above the rim groove) should be rounded as it transitions from the case wall to the base of the cartridge, the case walls should be at least 0.4mm at the shoulder and 0.8mm where the webbing begins, the case taper could be improved if you made the neck 10.6mm in diameter, and the projectile should also have a 0.4-0.8mm thick jacket (I use 0.6mm).
Samo is also wrong about the neck thickness needing to be twice the thickness of the jacket. It actually just needs to be thinner than it is at the neck.
Normally I'd link a RL example or one of my own drawings, but if you do a google image search for "cartridge case drawing dimensions", you should get a couple of drawings with dimensions in the first few pages.