The Eternal Thread: What, you want MORE?!

[Imm0rtal Kn0wledge]

Or your escape. Gotta be brave to get some...

Committing suicide is brave

Suicide is easy. Really easy. No rational person fears death. No sane person welcomes it. All people desire one another, yet few act on that desire. To trust your most intimate parts with another requires bravery. To end all parts of your body requires nothing but a small amount of effort.

[Gidgetisms]

Committing suicide is brave

no, no no.

there are times where it might be a rational choice, but it is never brave. Most of the time it is mental illness winning.

Ethel, you've read my story. You know how I feel.

[Individuality-ness]

Just life in general. Wasted time, being behind, not belonging, failing classes, isolation, whatever. Irrational but overwhelming.

Focus your energy, focus yourself. Wasted time is no longer worth thinking about. It's done with. Failing classes is a problem that is the best for you. Instructors are logical and grades have a visible rubric. You figure out where you're not doing the right things and you change your effort. You can find people in class, ask them if they're having a hard time, and say you should study together, and then you've made headway on your isolation and feeling like you don't belong. You can do this.

I have a midterm for Latin tomorrow, haven't studied. I am not in the right mind to study, too depressed to focus. Might wake up early tomorrow and take a look, but I know I'm going to fail. And I don't care.

[New England and The Maritimes]

You take it on one problem at a time. Everything is overwhelming if you look at a series of problems as one event that you have to do at once. You pick something, work on that, then move to the next one. Prioritize. Think. You're better than this. You deserve better, and I just hope you give yourself better. That goes for all of you.

I'm not much better than you. Or anyone else really. No.

You're absolutely not worse. Who said anything about better? You're better than the shit you give yourself, that's for sure.

sublimate food for sex, it still is better. unless its british food your eating

I'm already a fatass.
I should go, I'm really bringing this thread down

Stop that. Don't run away. You're talking about your problems. Let's talk. Let's put everything in the open where it can't hide from you. When you retreat into your own mind your problems win, because that's their home field.

[Imm0rtal Kn0wledge]

sublimate food for sex, it still is better. unless its british food your eating

I'm already a fatass.
I should go, I'm really bringing this thread down

I personally love big girls (and the occasional big guy), size is irrelevant.

[New England and The Maritimes]

Focus your energy, focus yourself. Wasted time is no longer worth thinking about. It's done with. Failing classes is a problem that is the best for you. Instructors are logical and grades have a visible rubric. You figure out where you're not doing the right things and you change your effort. You can find people in class, ask them if they're having a hard time, and say you should study together, and then you've made headway on your isolation and feeling like you don't belong. You can do this.

I have a midterm for Latin tomorrow, haven't studied. I am not in the right mind to study, too depressed to focus. Might wake up early tomorrow and take a look, but I know I'm going to fail. And I don't care.

You should care. Studies are important. Your GPA is not affected if you fail. You can retake the classes next term and financial aid will cover it. A grade of D or lower gets replaced by your retake grade, so if you fail this term and you get an A next term your transcripts will only show the A. You haven't ruined anything.

[Individuality-ness]

I'm not much better than you. Or anyone else really. No.

You're absolutely not worse. Who said anything about better? You're better than the shit you give yourself, that's for sure.

Not really, no. I deserve the mental anguish in a way, it's a good thing, a punishment. For what, I don't know. But I deserve it.

[Ethel mermania]

Why not? Talk about it. Calm down and explain yourself rationally. What is so horrible in your life that the solution is to kill yourself?

Just life in general. Wasted time, being behind, not belonging, failing classes, isolation, whatever. Irrational but overwhelming.

by the tenor of the conversation, it seems like you belong here just fine. and nemmy is right, its the little things, small steps that make it better.

[Imm0rtal Kn0wledge]

I'm not much better than you. Or anyone else really. No.

You're absolutely not worse. Who said anything about better? You're better than the shit you give yourself, that's for sure.

I'm already a fatass.
I should go, I'm really bringing this thread down

Stop that. Don't run away. You're talking about your problems. Let's talk. Let's put everything in the open where it can't hide from you. When you retreat into your own mind your problems win, because that's their home field.

I swear I have never seen such encouragement. I wish I had a friend like you back in high school, would have made it go so much smoother.

[Gidgetisms]

I'm already a fatass.
I should go, I'm really bringing this thread down

I personally love big girls (and the occasional big guy), size is irrelevant.

I'm so tired of getting my hopes up, only to fall to new depths

[New England and The Maritimes]

You're absolutely not worse. Who said anything about better? You're better than the shit you give yourself, that's for sure.

Not really, no. I deserve the mental anguish in a way, it's a good thing, a punishment. For what, I don't know. But I deserve it.

No, you don't. Punishments are fit to their respective crimes. What crime have you committed? Being born is not a crime.

[Ethel mermania]

no, no no.

there are times where it might be a rational choice, but it is never brave. Most of the time it is mental illness winning.

Ethel, you've read my story. You know how I feel.

and its a powerful story, i dont envy where you have been. but i stand by my statement.

[Individuality-ness]

I have a midterm for Latin tomorrow, haven't studied. I am not in the right mind to study, too depressed to focus. Might wake up early tomorrow and take a look, but I know I'm going to fail. And I don't care.

You should care. Studies are important. Your GPA is not affected if you fail. You can retake the classes next term and financial aid will cover it. A grade of D or lower gets replaced by your retake grade, so if you fail this term and you get an A next term your transcripts will only show the A. You haven't ruined anything.

I took it as a pass/no pass option, not a letter grade, won't count towards my GPA. But maybe they'll revoke my financial aid. Maybe they'll put me on academic probation. So what, though? I don't deserve to be where I am.

[New England and The Maritimes]

You should care. Studies are important. Your GPA is not affected if you fail. You can retake the classes next term and financial aid will cover it. A grade of D or lower gets replaced by your retake grade, so if you fail this term and you get an A next term your transcripts will only show the A. You haven't ruined anything.

I took it as a pass/no pass option, not a letter grade, won't count towards my GPA. But maybe they'll revoke my financial aid. Maybe they'll put me on academic probation. So what, though? I don't deserve to be where I am.

You nailed all AP courses in high school and kicked your way to the top of UCSD's list. You deserve it or they wouldn't have let you stay. If they put you on academic probation, you tell them you've had personal issues and listen to their advice about how to get yourself off of it.

[Gidgetisms]

Ethel, you've read my story. You know how I feel.

and its a powerful story, i dont envy where you have been. but i stand by my statement.

I dont want another 40 or 50 years of this

[Ethel mermania]

You're absolutely not worse. Who said anything about better? You're better than the shit you give yourself, that's for sure.

Not really, no. I deserve the mental anguish in a way, it's a good thing, a punishment. For what, I don't know. But I deserve it.

if it is not to personal a question to ask, and feel free to say it is, or answer in a telegram, are you getting any professional help for your feelings?

[Individuality-ness]

Not really, no. I deserve the mental anguish in a way, it's a good thing, a punishment. For what, I don't know. But I deserve it.

No, you don't. Punishments are fit to their respective crimes. What crime have you committed? Being born is not a crime.

I'm only living on borrowed time, maybe being born is a crime. A punishment for having such a good memory for most other things and an often much accelerated rate of processing information.

[New England and The Maritimes]

and its a powerful story, i dont envy where you have been. but i stand by my statement.

I dont want another 40 or 50 years of this

What you have now is your self-punishment for a crime you didn't commit. You're the only one who hates you, and you've got no reason to. You just have to let go of other peoples' judgments of you.

[New England and The Maritimes]

No, you don't. Punishments are fit to their respective crimes. What crime have you committed? Being born is not a crime.

I'm only living on borrowed time, maybe being born is a crime. A punishment for having such a good memory for most other things and an often much accelerated rate of processing information.

Alright, from now on I'm Sly Stallone.

"Being born. The Penalty: living an awesome life because you're an awesome person. I AM THE LAW!"

[Gidgetisms]

I dont want another 40 or 50 years of this

What you have now is your self-punishment for a crime you didn't commit. You're the only one who hates you, and you've got no reason to. You just have to let go of other peoples' judgments of you.

I'm not able to. I feel like I'm being herded one way, and at the end is a rope

[Individuality-ness]

I took it as a pass/no pass option, not a letter grade, won't count towards my GPA. But maybe they'll revoke my financial aid. Maybe they'll put me on academic probation. So what, though? I don't deserve to be where I am.

You nailed all AP courses in high school and kicked your way to the top of UCSD's list. You deserve it or they wouldn't have let you stay. If they put you on academic probation, you tell them you've had personal issues and listen to their advice about how to get yourself off of it.

The fatalist side of me would just accept the taint that is academic probation and just figure that there's no use to fight it.

Not really, no. I deserve the mental anguish in a way, it's a good thing, a punishment. For what, I don't know. But I deserve it.

if it is not to personal a question to ask, and feel free to say it is, or answer in a telegram, are you getting any professional help for your feelings?

CAPS, sure, I have an appointment tomorrow. I don't know if anything will change.

[Individuality-ness]

I'm only living on borrowed time, maybe being born is a crime. A punishment for having such a good memory for most other things and an often much accelerated rate of processing information.

Alright, from now on I'm Sly Stallone.

"Being born. The Penalty: living an awesome life because you're an awesome person. I AM THE LAW!"

Don't deserve it, no.

[Imm0rtal Kn0wledge]

What you have now is your self-punishment for a crime you didn't commit. You're the only one who hates you, and you've got no reason to. You just have to let go of other peoples' judgments of you.

I'm not able to. I feel like I'm being herded one way, and at the end is a rope

Try running in that direction, and snip the rope off to see what lies beyond? Or fight back and run against the current. Don't submit. Submission is for animals (and really kinky people).

[Ethel mermania]

and its a powerful story, i dont envy where you have been. but i stand by my statement.

I dont want another 40 or 50 years of this

change it, pick a place, move start a new life. vancouver if you hvae to stay in canada. Miami if you dont.

[New England and The Maritimes]

What you have now is your self-punishment for a crime you didn't commit. You're the only one who hates you, and you've got no reason to. You just have to let go of other peoples' judgments of you.

I'm not able to. I feel like I'm being herded one way, and at the end is a rope

The cowboys are in your head. You're in an open field. You're the only person whose opinion matters, so stop thinking like your mother is the boss of you. You're an adult. If someone else doesn't like what you genuinely want to do for yourself, tough. The question you need to ask is "Do I really want this? Or do I feel like it's my only choice because of other people?"