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The Eternal Thread - So NSG, What's Going On?

A resting-place for threads that might have otherwise been lost.

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Saurisisia
Post Czar
 
Posts: 30239
Founded: Jan 28, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Saurisisia » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:10 pm

Tlaceceyaya wrote:
Saurisisia wrote:
...

Ew.

Sometimes, I get ads for Dinosaur-related stuff. It's nice.

Not sexual merchandise, literal, dollar-store merchandise.


Um, that's not what I meant by "ew".
Autistic, Christian, Capitalist, Libertarian
Don't wish to display my sexuality for all to see because I don't care about what sexuality someone is
Make Tea, Not Love
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This nation reflects my RL beliefs and values (for the most part, anyway)
P/MT: The United Provinces of Saurisia
FT: The Federal Systems Republic of Saurisia
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ANTHRO AND A MEMBER OF THE MULTI-SPECIES UNION!

My nation's dominated by talking Dinosaurs, there is no realism (because ultra-realism is SO boring)
Dinosaurs rule!
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Kirrig
Minister
 
Posts: 2800
Founded: Sep 05, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Kirrig » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:10 pm

New England and The Maritimes wrote:
Serrland wrote:
Watch Peep Show. Is British and is awesome.


It's not that great, really. I can think of plenty of British shows that are better. Blackadder Goes Forth, Coupling, The IT Crowd, etc.


On a variety of days we have an hour of more of American 'comedies' starting at 7:30pm or earlier.

The actual comedies are all English and screen at 10pm or later one night a week for no more than an hour or not at all. Although 7 Days has its moments. TVNZ and Mediaworks are sick in the head.
Daistallia 2104 wrote:Kirrig, since you seem to be unable to take hints, allow me make it explicitly clear - you are being ignored.

"Have you ever noticed... our caps... they have skulls on them..."
"Hans... are we the baddies?"
Milks Empire wrote:
Kirrig wrote:Do you guys know if George Bush is on NSG?
Wouldn't surprise me.

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New England and The Maritimes
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 28872
Founded: Aug 13, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby New England and The Maritimes » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:10 pm

Serrland wrote:
New England and The Maritimes wrote:
It's not that great, really. I can think of plenty of British shows that are better. Blackadder Goes Forth, Coupling, The IT Crowd, etc.


I like Blackadder, but it's been done for ages now. The IT Crowd I don't like as much as a lot of people, and Coupling is alright but it too is ended. QI is good if you like panel shows, and WILTY is pretty good too but mostly because of my raging man-boner for David Mitchell.


That Mitchell and Webb Look, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, and Spaced are all good as well. Plus The Mighty Boosh.
All aboard the Love Train. Choo Choo, honeybears. I am Ininiwiyaw Rocopurr:Get in my bed, you perfect human being.
Yesterday's just a memory

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Syleru
Minister
 
Posts: 2807
Founded: Aug 11, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Syleru » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:10 pm

Hmm, I've only facepalmed twice today (Both on International Incidents)

It's a miracle!
Syleruian Settlements
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Tarvelia wrote:Environazis.

The only policies in my nation that I agree with are it's religious freedom and environmental sanctity policies. Do not think that I'm an anti-LGBT, dystopian repressive isolationist fascist and what have you mastermind trying to mask a greater goal under hordes of advertisements, propaganda and policing.
In short, my nation is a highly policed strict, seemingly utopian autocracy with an almost religious environmental fetish.
★ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ANTI-COMMUNISM ALLIACE
Syleruian Information Links / Syleruian Carbon Output Index (Closed for now)

Expect me to edit my posts 3-4 times after I post them, I'm picky like that.

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Wazkyraque
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 12527
Founded: May 23, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Wazkyraque » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:11 pm

Grenartia wrote:
Syleru wrote:Pasteurized milk, cheese, beef, cream, politics and oh my!

Feudalism: You have two cows. The lord of the manor takes some of the milk. And all the cream.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbor. You're both forced to join a cooperative where you have to teach your neighbor how to take care of his cow.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as its regulations say you should need.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Communism: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for you share of the milk, but it's so long that the milk is sour by the time you get it.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Militarism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate." The cows are set free.

Democracy, Democrat-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being so successful. You vote politicians into office who tax your cows, which forces you to sell one to pay the tax. The politicians use the tax money to buy a cow for your neighbor. You feel good. Barbra Streisand sings for you.

Democracy, Republican-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You move to a better neighborhood.

Indian Democracy: You have two cows. You worship them.

British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government gives you compensation for your diseased cows, compensation for your lost income, and a grant not to use your fields for anything else. And tells the public not to worry.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You lay one off, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when she drops dead.

Singaporean Democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

Hong Kong Capitalism (alias Enron Capitalism):
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute an debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Isands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Foreign Policy, American-Style: You have two cows. The government taxes them and uses the money to buy a cow for a poor farmer a country ruled by a dictator. The farmer has no hay to feed the cow and his religion forbids him from eating it. The cow dies. The man dies. The dictator confiscates the dead man's farm and sells it, using the money to purchase US military equipment. The President declares the program a success and announces closer ties with our new ally.

Bureaucracy, American-Style: You have two cows but you have to kill one of them because the government will only give you a license for one of them. The license requires you to sell all your milk to the government, which uses it to make cheese. The government pays lots of money to store the cheese in refrigerated warehouses. When the cheese spoils, the government distributes it to the poor. The poor get sick from the cheese, go to the emergency room, and are turned away because they have no health insurance. The President declares the program a success and reminds us that we have the finest health care system in the world.

American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one to a subsidiary company and lease it back to yourself so you can declare it as a tax loss. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. You inject the cows with drugs and they produce four times the normal amount of milk. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. When the drugs cause one of the cows to drop dead you announce to the press that you have down-sized, reducing expenses by 50 percent. The company stock goes up and your bosses give you a huge bonus. You lay off all your workers and move your production facilities to Mexico. You get a huge bonus. You contribute some of your profit to the President's re-election campaign. The President announces tax cuts for corporations in order to stimulate the economy.

Japanese Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You teach the cows to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Your cows always get higher test scores than cows in the U.S. or Europe, but they drink a lot of sake.

German Corporation: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year and are very expensive to repair.

Russian Corporation: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count your cows and discover you really have five cows! You have more vodka. You count them again and discover you have 42 cows! You stop counting cows and have some more vodka. The Russian Mafia arrives and takes over all your cows. You have more vodka.

Italian Corporation: You have two cows but you can't find them. While searching for them you meet a beautiful woman, take her out to lunch and then make love to her. Life is good.

French Corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want another cow, more vacation and shorter work weeks. The French government announces that it will never agree to your demands. You go to lunch and eat fabulous food and drink wonderful wine. While you are at lunch, the airline pilots and flight controllers join your strike, shutting down all air traffic. The truckers block all the roads and the dock workers block all the ports. By dinner time the French government announces it agrees with all your demands. Life is good.

Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is an outdated symbol of your decadent, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender. They get married and adopt a calf.

Counterculturalism: Wow, dude, there's like . . . these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.


You have officially won 10,000 internetz! :bow:

Ehh, I've read every single one of them on Uncyclopedia.
"Everything takes time. Bees have to move very fast to stay still."

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Mushet
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17410
Founded: Apr 29, 2008
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Mushet » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:11 pm

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:
Mushet wrote:Do you women meet in secret and conspire against me? :P


I cannot say.

Women on the internet love to mess with me :p
"what I believe is like a box, and we’re taking the energy of our thinking and putting into a box of beliefs, pretending that we’re thinking...I’ve gone through most of my life not believing anything. Either I know or I don’t know, or I think." - John Trudell

Gun control is, and always has been, a tool of white supremacy.

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Wazkyraque
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 12527
Founded: May 23, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Wazkyraque » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:12 pm

Syleru wrote:Hmm, I've only facepalmed twice today (Both on International Incidents)

It's a miracle!

Everyone should be limited to one facepalm a day.
Except for Sib.
"Everything takes time. Bees have to move very fast to stay still."

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Nanatsu no Tsuki
Post-Apocalypse Survivor
 
Posts: 203893
Founded: Feb 10, 2008
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:12 pm

Mushet wrote:
Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:
I cannot say.

Women on the internet love to mess with me :p


Riiiiight.

Hi, Gren! :hug:
Slava Ukraini
Also: THERNSY!!
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Syleru
Minister
 
Posts: 2807
Founded: Aug 11, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Syleru » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:12 pm

Wazkyraque wrote:
Grenartia wrote:
You have officially won 10,000 internetz! :bow:

Ehh, I've read every single one of them on Uncyclopedia.


The description of WWII on Uncyclopedia gave me political nightmares on the horrible accuracy (I'm not saying the cow politics are accurate, just slightly comical)
Syleruian Settlements
Environmental Policies
Security Policies
Military Policies

1 एn = $1.4
Tarvelia wrote:Environazis.

The only policies in my nation that I agree with are it's religious freedom and environmental sanctity policies. Do not think that I'm an anti-LGBT, dystopian repressive isolationist fascist and what have you mastermind trying to mask a greater goal under hordes of advertisements, propaganda and policing.
In short, my nation is a highly policed strict, seemingly utopian autocracy with an almost religious environmental fetish.
★ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ANTI-COMMUNISM ALLIACE
Syleruian Information Links / Syleruian Carbon Output Index (Closed for now)

Expect me to edit my posts 3-4 times after I post them, I'm picky like that.

User avatar
Mushet
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17410
Founded: Apr 29, 2008
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Mushet » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:13 pm

Wazkyraque wrote:
Grenartia wrote:
You have officially won 10,000 internetz! :bow:

Ehh, I've read every single one of them on Uncyclopedia.

Yeah I remember that too

ED has more balls than Uncyclopedia
"what I believe is like a box, and we’re taking the energy of our thinking and putting into a box of beliefs, pretending that we’re thinking...I’ve gone through most of my life not believing anything. Either I know or I don’t know, or I think." - John Trudell

Gun control is, and always has been, a tool of white supremacy.

Puppet: E-City ranked #1 in the world for Highest Drug Use on 5/25/2015
Puppet Sacred Heart Church ranked #2 in the world for Nudest 2/25/2010
OP of a 5 page archived thread The Forum Seven Tit Museum
Previous Official King of Forum 7 (2010-2012/13), relinquished own title
First person to get AQ'd Quote was funnier in 2011, you had to have been there
Celebrating over a decade on Nationstates!

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The Corparation
Post Czar
 
Posts: 34137
Founded: Aug 31, 2009
Father Knows Best State

Postby The Corparation » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:13 pm

Wazkyraque wrote:
Grenartia wrote:
You have officially won 10,000 internetz! :bow:

Ehh, I've read every single one of them on Uncyclopedia. Everywhere.

Fixed. The cow analogy is less of a cow and more of a horse painted to look like a cow, then abused, beaten, left to die in a field, perished, and was then beaten and violated by a pack of wild internets.
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The Murtunian Tribes
Negotiator
 
Posts: 6919
Founded: Oct 17, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby The Murtunian Tribes » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:14 pm

Grenartia wrote:
Syleru wrote:Pasteurized milk, cheese, beef, cream, politics and oh my!

Feudalism: You have two cows. The lord of the manor takes some of the milk. And all the cream.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbor. You're both forced to join a cooperative where you have to teach your neighbor how to take care of his cow.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as its regulations say you should need.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Communism: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for you share of the milk, but it's so long that the milk is sour by the time you get it.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Militarism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate." The cows are set free.

Democracy, Democrat-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being so successful. You vote politicians into office who tax your cows, which forces you to sell one to pay the tax. The politicians use the tax money to buy a cow for your neighbor. You feel good. Barbra Streisand sings for you.

Democracy, Republican-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You move to a better neighborhood.

Indian Democracy: You have two cows. You worship them.

British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government gives you compensation for your diseased cows, compensation for your lost income, and a grant not to use your fields for anything else. And tells the public not to worry.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You lay one off, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when she drops dead.

Singaporean Democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

Hong Kong Capitalism (alias Enron Capitalism):
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute an debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Isands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Foreign Policy, American-Style: You have two cows. The government taxes them and uses the money to buy a cow for a poor farmer a country ruled by a dictator. The farmer has no hay to feed the cow and his religion forbids him from eating it. The cow dies. The man dies. The dictator confiscates the dead man's farm and sells it, using the money to purchase US military equipment. The President declares the program a success and announces closer ties with our new ally.

Bureaucracy, American-Style: You have two cows but you have to kill one of them because the government will only give you a license for one of them. The license requires you to sell all your milk to the government, which uses it to make cheese. The government pays lots of money to store the cheese in refrigerated warehouses. When the cheese spoils, the government distributes it to the poor. The poor get sick from the cheese, go to the emergency room, and are turned away because they have no health insurance. The President declares the program a success and reminds us that we have the finest health care system in the world.

American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one to a subsidiary company and lease it back to yourself so you can declare it as a tax loss. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. You inject the cows with drugs and they produce four times the normal amount of milk. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. When the drugs cause one of the cows to drop dead you announce to the press that you have down-sized, reducing expenses by 50 percent. The company stock goes up and your bosses give you a huge bonus. You lay off all your workers and move your production facilities to Mexico. You get a huge bonus. You contribute some of your profit to the President's re-election campaign. The President announces tax cuts for corporations in order to stimulate the economy.

Japanese Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You teach the cows to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Your cows always get higher test scores than cows in the U.S. or Europe, but they drink a lot of sake.

German Corporation: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year and are very expensive to repair.

Russian Corporation: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count your cows and discover you really have five cows! You have more vodka. You count them again and discover you have 42 cows! You stop counting cows and have some more vodka. The Russian Mafia arrives and takes over all your cows. You have more vodka.

Italian Corporation: You have two cows but you can't find them. While searching for them you meet a beautiful woman, take her out to lunch and then make love to her. Life is good.

French Corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want another cow, more vacation and shorter work weeks. The French government announces that it will never agree to your demands. You go to lunch and eat fabulous food and drink wonderful wine. While you are at lunch, the airline pilots and flight controllers join your strike, shutting down all air traffic. The truckers block all the roads and the dock workers block all the ports. By dinner time the French government announces it agrees with all your demands. Life is good.

Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is an outdated symbol of your decadent, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender. They get married and adopt a calf.

Counterculturalism: Wow, dude, there's like . . . these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.


You have officially won 10,000 internetz! :bow:

Gren, you are penalized 10,000 internetz.

User avatar
Syleru
Minister
 
Posts: 2807
Founded: Aug 11, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Syleru » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:14 pm

Grenartia wrote:
Syleru wrote:Pasteurized milk, cheese, beef, cream, politics and oh my!

Feudalism: You have two cows. The lord of the manor takes some of the milk. And all the cream.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbor. You're both forced to join a cooperative where you have to teach your neighbor how to take care of his cow.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as its regulations say you should need.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Communism: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for you share of the milk, but it's so long that the milk is sour by the time you get it.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Militarism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate." The cows are set free.

Democracy, Democrat-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being so successful. You vote politicians into office who tax your cows, which forces you to sell one to pay the tax. The politicians use the tax money to buy a cow for your neighbor. You feel good. Barbra Streisand sings for you.

Democracy, Republican-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You move to a better neighborhood.

Indian Democracy: You have two cows. You worship them.

British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government gives you compensation for your diseased cows, compensation for your lost income, and a grant not to use your fields for anything else. And tells the public not to worry.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You lay one off, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when she drops dead.

Singaporean Democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

Hong Kong Capitalism (alias Enron Capitalism):
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute an debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Isands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Foreign Policy, American-Style: You have two cows. The government taxes them and uses the money to buy a cow for a poor farmer a country ruled by a dictator. The farmer has no hay to feed the cow and his religion forbids him from eating it. The cow dies. The man dies. The dictator confiscates the dead man's farm and sells it, using the money to purchase US military equipment. The President declares the program a success and announces closer ties with our new ally.

Bureaucracy, American-Style: You have two cows but you have to kill one of them because the government will only give you a license for one of them. The license requires you to sell all your milk to the government, which uses it to make cheese. The government pays lots of money to store the cheese in refrigerated warehouses. When the cheese spoils, the government distributes it to the poor. The poor get sick from the cheese, go to the emergency room, and are turned away because they have no health insurance. The President declares the program a success and reminds us that we have the finest health care system in the world.

American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one to a subsidiary company and lease it back to yourself so you can declare it as a tax loss. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. You inject the cows with drugs and they produce four times the normal amount of milk. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. When the drugs cause one of the cows to drop dead you announce to the press that you have down-sized, reducing expenses by 50 percent. The company stock goes up and your bosses give you a huge bonus. You lay off all your workers and move your production facilities to Mexico. You get a huge bonus. You contribute some of your profit to the President's re-election campaign. The President announces tax cuts for corporations in order to stimulate the economy.

Japanese Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You teach the cows to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Your cows always get higher test scores than cows in the U.S. or Europe, but they drink a lot of sake.

German Corporation: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year and are very expensive to repair.

Russian Corporation: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count your cows and discover you really have five cows! You have more vodka. You count them again and discover you have 42 cows! You stop counting cows and have some more vodka. The Russian Mafia arrives and takes over all your cows. You have more vodka.

Italian Corporation: You have two cows but you can't find them. While searching for them you meet a beautiful woman, take her out to lunch and then make love to her. Life is good.

French Corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want another cow, more vacation and shorter work weeks. The French government announces that it will never agree to your demands. You go to lunch and eat fabulous food and drink wonderful wine. While you are at lunch, the airline pilots and flight controllers join your strike, shutting down all air traffic. The truckers block all the roads and the dock workers block all the ports. By dinner time the French government announces it agrees with all your demands. Life is good.

Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is an outdated symbol of your decadent, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender. They get married and adopt a calf.

Counterculturalism: Wow, dude, there's like . . . these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.


You have officially won 10,000 internetz! :bow:

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:Yo-Yo weather angers me.


Nana!!!

:hug:


Yeah! :p

Though I wish I knew people heard that before I posted it.

And hello, Gren.
Syleruian Settlements
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Tarvelia wrote:Environazis.

The only policies in my nation that I agree with are it's religious freedom and environmental sanctity policies. Do not think that I'm an anti-LGBT, dystopian repressive isolationist fascist and what have you mastermind trying to mask a greater goal under hordes of advertisements, propaganda and policing.
In short, my nation is a highly policed strict, seemingly utopian autocracy with an almost religious environmental fetish.
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Expect me to edit my posts 3-4 times after I post them, I'm picky like that.

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Serrland
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 11968
Founded: Sep 30, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby Serrland » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:14 pm

New England and The Maritimes wrote:
Serrland wrote:
I like Blackadder, but it's been done for ages now. The IT Crowd I don't like as much as a lot of people, and Coupling is alright but it too is ended. QI is good if you like panel shows, and WILTY is pretty good too but mostly because of my raging man-boner for David Mitchell.


That Mitchell and Webb Look, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, and Spaced are all good as well. Plus The Mighty Boosh.


Fucking love That Mitchell and Webb Look (see comment on DM). A Bit of Fry and Laurie is also gold. Spaced is alright, but haven't watched The Might Boosh. I'm trying to burn through all the episodes of Fawlty Towers now (and I'm thoroughly ashamed I haven't watched it up to this point), and Marion and Geoff is up next because Rob Brydon is too darn adorable.

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Mushet
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17410
Founded: Apr 29, 2008
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Mushet » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:15 pm

The Murtunian Tribes wrote:
Grenartia wrote:
You have officially won 10,000 internetz! :bow:

Gren, you are penalized 10,000 internetz.

Who gave him 10,000 internetz in the first place?
"what I believe is like a box, and we’re taking the energy of our thinking and putting into a box of beliefs, pretending that we’re thinking...I’ve gone through most of my life not believing anything. Either I know or I don’t know, or I think." - John Trudell

Gun control is, and always has been, a tool of white supremacy.

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Nanatsu no Tsuki
Post-Apocalypse Survivor
 
Posts: 203893
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:16 pm

I'm officially scared witless! There's something scratching at the door. :eek:
Slava Ukraini
Also: THERNSY!!
Your story isn't over;֍Help save transgender people's lives֍Help for feral cats
Cat with internet access||Supposedly heartless, & a d*ck.||Is maith an t-earra an tsíocháin.||No TGs
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Wazkyraque
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 12527
Founded: May 23, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Wazkyraque » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:17 pm

Syleru wrote:
Wazkyraque wrote:Ehh, I've read every single one of them on Uncyclopedia.


The description of WWII on Uncyclopedia gave me political nightmares on the horrible accuracy (I'm not saying the cow politics are accurate, just slightly comical)

They are meant to been inaccurate :P
"Everything takes time. Bees have to move very fast to stay still."

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Saurisisia
Post Czar
 
Posts: 30239
Founded: Jan 28, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Saurisisia » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:17 pm

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:I'm officially scared witless! There's something scratching at the door. :eek:

Better hope it's just a housecat.
Autistic, Christian, Capitalist, Libertarian
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Make Tea, Not Love
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ANTHRO AND A MEMBER OF THE MULTI-SPECIES UNION!

My nation's dominated by talking Dinosaurs, there is no realism (because ultra-realism is SO boring)
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Syleru
Minister
 
Posts: 2807
Founded: Aug 11, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Syleru » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:17 pm

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:I'm officially scared witless! There's something scratching at the door. :eek:


Perhaps it's Mushet?
Syleruian Settlements
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Tarvelia wrote:Environazis.

The only policies in my nation that I agree with are it's religious freedom and environmental sanctity policies. Do not think that I'm an anti-LGBT, dystopian repressive isolationist fascist and what have you mastermind trying to mask a greater goal under hordes of advertisements, propaganda and policing.
In short, my nation is a highly policed strict, seemingly utopian autocracy with an almost religious environmental fetish.
★ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ANTI-COMMUNISM ALLIACE
Syleruian Information Links / Syleruian Carbon Output Index (Closed for now)

Expect me to edit my posts 3-4 times after I post them, I'm picky like that.

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The Corparation
Post Czar
 
Posts: 34137
Founded: Aug 31, 2009
Father Knows Best State

Postby The Corparation » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:17 pm

Mushet wrote:
The Murtunian Tribes wrote:Gren, you are penalized 10,000 internetz.

Who gave him 10,000 internetz in the first place?

Don't you know that for every content containing post you make you earn one whole internet? ONe you build up a base, you can invest those Internets into other ventures to make even more Internets.
Nuclear Death Machines Here (Both Flying and Orbiting)
Orbital Freedom Machine Here
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Syleru
Minister
 
Posts: 2807
Founded: Aug 11, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Syleru » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:17 pm

The Corparation wrote:
Mushet wrote:Who gave him 10,000 internetz in the first place?

Don't you know that for every content containing post you make you earn one whole internet? ONe you build up a base, you can invest those Internets into other ventures to make even more Internets.


Sounds like a parody of stock-sharing.
Syleruian Settlements
Environmental Policies
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1 एn = $1.4
Tarvelia wrote:Environazis.

The only policies in my nation that I agree with are it's religious freedom and environmental sanctity policies. Do not think that I'm an anti-LGBT, dystopian repressive isolationist fascist and what have you mastermind trying to mask a greater goal under hordes of advertisements, propaganda and policing.
In short, my nation is a highly policed strict, seemingly utopian autocracy with an almost religious environmental fetish.
★ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ANTI-COMMUNISM ALLIACE
Syleruian Information Links / Syleruian Carbon Output Index (Closed for now)

Expect me to edit my posts 3-4 times after I post them, I'm picky like that.

User avatar
Nanatsu no Tsuki
Post-Apocalypse Survivor
 
Posts: 203893
Founded: Feb 10, 2008
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:18 pm

Saurisisia wrote:
Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:I'm officially scared witless! There's something scratching at the door. :eek:

Better hope it's just a housecat.


I hope so. :?
Slava Ukraini
Also: THERNSY!!
Your story isn't over;֍Help save transgender people's lives֍Help for feral cats
Cat with internet access||Supposedly heartless, & a d*ck.||Is maith an t-earra an tsíocháin.||No TGs
RIP: Dyakovo & Ashmoria

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Kirrig
Minister
 
Posts: 2800
Founded: Sep 05, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Kirrig » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:19 pm

Serrland wrote:
New England and The Maritimes wrote:
That Mitchell and Webb Look, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, and Spaced are all good as well. Plus The Mighty Boosh.


Fucking love That Mitchell and Webb Look (see comment on DM). A Bit of Fry and Laurie is also gold. Spaced is alright, but haven't watched The Might Boosh. I'm trying to burn through all the episodes of Fawlty Towers now (and I'm thoroughly ashamed I haven't watched it up to this point), and Marion and Geoff is up next because Rob Brydon is too darn adorable.


Fawlty Towers is excellent. So are Not Going Out and Only When I Laugh. There was also an episode of The IT Crowd which was so funny I was too busy aughing I can't remember anything (didn't hep that it screened at 10:30pm or something).
Daistallia 2104 wrote:Kirrig, since you seem to be unable to take hints, allow me make it explicitly clear - you are being ignored.

"Have you ever noticed... our caps... they have skulls on them..."
"Hans... are we the baddies?"
Milks Empire wrote:
Kirrig wrote:Do you guys know if George Bush is on NSG?
Wouldn't surprise me.

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Syleru
Minister
 
Posts: 2807
Founded: Aug 11, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Syleru » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:19 pm

Wow. Random experiment, I went on Omegle and typed the statement

"I enjoy locomotives"

And now two strangers are sharing their life stories with eachother.

(If you want a pic, sure)
Syleruian Settlements
Environmental Policies
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1 एn = $1.4
Tarvelia wrote:Environazis.

The only policies in my nation that I agree with are it's religious freedom and environmental sanctity policies. Do not think that I'm an anti-LGBT, dystopian repressive isolationist fascist and what have you mastermind trying to mask a greater goal under hordes of advertisements, propaganda and policing.
In short, my nation is a highly policed strict, seemingly utopian autocracy with an almost religious environmental fetish.
★ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ANTI-COMMUNISM ALLIACE
Syleruian Information Links / Syleruian Carbon Output Index (Closed for now)

Expect me to edit my posts 3-4 times after I post them, I'm picky like that.

User avatar
New England and The Maritimes
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 28872
Founded: Aug 13, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby New England and The Maritimes » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:20 pm

Kirrig wrote:
Serrland wrote:
Fucking love That Mitchell and Webb Look (see comment on DM). A Bit of Fry and Laurie is also gold. Spaced is alright, but haven't watched The Might Boosh. I'm trying to burn through all the episodes of Fawlty Towers now (and I'm thoroughly ashamed I haven't watched it up to this point), and Marion and Geoff is up next because Rob Brydon is too darn adorable.


Fawlty Towers is excellent. So are Not Going Out and Only When I Laugh. There was also an episode of The IT Crowd which was so funny I was too busy aughing I can't remember anything (didn't hep that it screened at 10:30pm or something).


Also, Dark Place.
All aboard the Love Train. Choo Choo, honeybears. I am Ininiwiyaw Rocopurr:Get in my bed, you perfect human being.
Yesterday's just a memory

Soviet Haaregrad wrote:Some people's opinions are based on rational observations, others base theirs on imaginative thinking. The reality-based community ought not to waste it's time refuting delusions.

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