Writing Discussion

[Nightkill the Emperor]

What do you think?

Yes.

Yes.

[Conserative Morality]

What do you think?

First or third person?

First person will be effective if pulled off correctly, but might be difficult. Third person will have a greater deal of detachment from the situation and thus less effective, but a 'personal' third person (Pratchett Style, not a third person observer) might be able to fix that.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

What do you think?

First or third person?

Third. I was toying with first person perspective through some angel nobody has heard of, or perhaps from God, but third seemed to fit this better.

[Conserative Morality]

Third. I was toying with first person perspective through some angel nobody has heard of, or perhaps from God, but third seemed to fit this better.

Edited before I saw this post. >.>

[Nightkill the Emperor]

What do you think?

First or third person?

First person will be effective if pulled off correctly, but might be difficult. Third person will have a greater deal of detachment from the situation and thus less effective, but a 'personal' third person (Pratchett Style, not a third person observer) might be able to fix that.

Yeah, I meant a 'personal' third person.

Ex:

The angel guard blinked. He was not paid to deal with this situation. Actually, he wasn't paid at all...perhaps he and the other guards should get together and ask for some actual money...

In any case, he was not going to let this furious archangel in.

The furious archangel, Gabriel, was furious for a few reasons. The main one was that Dad had been angry when Gabriel went down to Earth and talked with Eve. Dad was very specific on people not messing with his toys without permission.

"Let me in." Gabriel said slowly and deliberately. The angel guard decided that no cash wasn't enough cash, and opened the doorway to the Garden.

[-St George]

I'm in Wales. >.>

Also, hopefully I'll be back up and running doing some writing soon. Probably something in II.

Are you judging then?

Yeah.

[Darqastan]

Hey, if one were to write High Fantasy where there is going to be an invasion of sorts, are there any good ideas on the invaders that are unique? I need some sort of dispensable enemy creature that seems to hate all forms of life, and I believe orcs, goblins, and undead are a little overused. My current ideas are demons (or at least semi-demons at first, followed by weak demons, and the demon lords at the end), dragons (start off with dragon-human hybrids, then dragonlings, drakes, dragons, wyverns, Dragon Lords, etc) and an army of fungi (jk, but I'd like to see if I could find any potential there).

[Conserative Morality]

Hey, if one were to write High Fantasy where there is going to be an invasion of sorts, are there any good ideas on the invaders that are unique? I need some sort of dispensable enemy creature that seems to hate all forms of life, and I believe orcs, goblins, and undead are a little overused. My current ideas are demons (or at least semi-demons at first, followed by weak demons, and the demon lords at the end), dragons (start off with dragon-human hybrids, then dragonlings, drakes, dragons, wyverns, Dragon Lords, etc) and an army of fungi (jk, but I'd like to see if I could find any potential there).

Why must they be dispensable and hate all life?

[Mad hatters in jeans]

Hey, if one were to write High Fantasy where there is going to be an invasion of sorts, are there any good ideas on the invaders that are unique? I need some sort of dispensable enemy creature that seems to hate all forms of life, and I believe orcs, goblins, and undead are a little overused. My current ideas are demons (or at least semi-demons at first, followed by weak demons, and the demon lords at the end), dragons (start off with dragon-human hybrids, then dragonlings, drakes, dragons, wyverns, Dragon Lords, etc) and an army of fungi (jk, but I'd like to see if I could find any potential there).

Why must they be dispensable and hate all life?

cos hating everything is cool now apparently.

[Ragnarsdomr]

cos hating everything is cool now apparently.

Because Tolkein and the Arabian Nights are so hip and modern, all the cool cats are digging that prosaic shit.

[New East Ireland]

I have an idea, but still in the works.

[New East Ireland]

The world is fucked up. Most of said world is desert, with the exception of the various city-states that are placed around the globe. Each city is walled-off, and is abundant with pollution. Dark smoke clouds fill the air above cities, blotting out the sun.

Each city sends representatives to the Victory Shrine, an bunker located under the old United Nations Headquarters in the ruins of New York City. This union is called the World Congregation, or W.C. for short. The W.C. is led by a chairman, who is elected every five years. The W.C. is responsible for policing each member state with its large army of World Enforcers. Most cities are actually very peaceful, with the exception of a few...

One is called Fortune City. Located in the center of the Nevada Desert, Fortune City is a theocratic state ruled by the Privy Council. The Council itself does not spread the message of the Catholic Church; in fact, the city is the most dangerous in the world. Crime, drugs, gambling, and all sorts of illegal activity runs rampant. After multiple representatives from Fortune City have given the impression of the city's harsh conditions, the W.C. eventually votes that the city be banned from the W.C. until it can regain better standards. World Enforcers leave the city, and crime only increases.

Alex Cole is an agent of the Federal Inquisitor Bureau, which is Fortune City's last policing organization. On the way home one day, Cole sees a family being mugged by thugs. Grabbing his pistol, Cole intervenes, shooting the thugs. However, one gets away by surprising Cole and stabbing him in the side. Cole is taken by the family to their home, where he recuperates. He thanks them for all of there help, and stays for only a few days. When he leaves, he is given a drawing of himself by the family's youngest child, Jack. Cole leaves with a good spirit, only to find his apartment trashed. He immediately suspects the thugs from before, and returns to work. There, he files an investigation report. After waiting for a few days, Cole is enraged at the lack of response, and goes out to get his own revenge. Knowing that any thug would recognize him like the last, Cole dons a makeshift costume made out of a trench coat, a leather mask, and some old army equipment owned by his grandfather. He sets out that night, hoping to find revenge.

While patrolling the local alleys, Cole comes across an illegal drug shipment being delivered. Armed with several daggers and above average martial arts training, Cole ambushes the men, and kills most of them. As one tries to escape, he uses his pistol to shoot out the thug's kneecaps. After interrogating the thug - and getting no information - Cole hangs the thug from a flag pole by his feet. Cole, returning home with only minimal wounds, sees on the news report that Inquisitors have discovered the thugs, but no drugs were found. Cole, reluctantly, decides to go out the next night and continue his new crusade.

The next night, while on his "patrol", Cole returns to the scene of the crime. Upon investigating, Cole discovers a note written by Chad Jockman, the President of Fortune City Casinos. The note describes a plan to plant the drugs in Councilman Thomas Kent's headquarters, allowing Jockman to win the upcoming Privy Council elections. Cole decides to stop Jockman, and goes to the FCC building in downtown Fortune City. Using stealth, Cole is able to infiltrate the building. Arriving in Jockman's office, Cole searches the computer for any information. He finds evidence about the drug trade; enough, at least, to convict Jockman. As he downloads the files onto a flash drive, Jockman's secretary enters the room. Before she can notify security, she is smashed against her own desk by Cole, who escapes with the flash drive. Afterwards, he delivers it to FIB headquarters, where Cardinal Gordon, the head of the FIB, finds it. The next day, he holds a press conference, condemning Jockman and ordering his arrest. Cole retires from his vigilante role.

That night, the sister and brother Jack, from the family that he rescued, arrive at his apartment, telling him that their parents have been taken. Cole, after asking the kids several questions, realizes that the parents are Councilman Kent and his wife. He also deduces that the thugs that tried to mug them were actually hit men sent by Jockman. Cole, donning his costume again, goes back to FCC headquarters. This time, the building is surrounded by Inquisitors, who are in an all-out street war with Jockman's private security. Cole is able to enter the back way, and fight through Jockman's guards. Upon arriving at Jockman's office, Cole hears gunshots. Rushing in, he finds Mrs. Kent dead, and Councilman Kent unconscious. Jockman acknowledges Cole, saying that he's been monitoring the latter's moves, but he proclaims that Cole's antics will end there. Firing at Cole, Jockman fails to notify his lieutenants of their security's next move, thus allowing the FIB agents to break through their lines. Cole, using a couch for cover, fires at Jockman, eventually hitting his thigh, causing the latter to drop his gun. Jockman grabs a knife from his desk, and goes to kill Kent. Cole, out of ammo and knives, charges at Jockman, and tackles him out of the window. Both men plummet to the ground, but Cole is able to grab onto a flag pole at the last minute, before seeing Jockman crash into the ground, dying.

As Cole, now unmasked and heavily wounded, looks down at the crowds below, he sees the Kent children and their father, reunited. Remarking that his "nightly patrol" is over, Cole purposely drops from the flagpole, and plummets to his death, knowing that he helped make Fortune City a better place.

On the morning news, it is revealed that Councilman Kent has won the election, and will become the next Chairman of the Privy Council. Chairman Kent makes his inaugural speech, stating that he has negotiated with the W.C., which will allow Fortune City back into the international stage. The TV turns off, as a bloody mask like the one Cole had lands on the coffee table.

[Nationstatelandsville]

First or third person?

First person will be effective if pulled off correctly, but might be difficult. Third person will have a greater deal of detachment from the situation and thus less effective, but a 'personal' third person (Pratchett Style, not a third person observer) might be able to fix that.

Yeah, I meant a 'personal' third person.

Ex:

The angel guard blinked. He was not paid to deal with this situation. Actually, he wasn't paid at all...perhaps he and the other guards should get together and ask for some actual money...

In any case, he was not going to let this furious archangel in.

The furious archangel, Gabriel, was furious for a few reasons. The main one was that Dad had been angry when Gabriel went down to Earth and talked with Eve. Dad was very specific on people not messing with his toys without permission.

"Let me in." Gabriel said slowly and deliberately. The angel guard decided that no cash wasn't enough cash, and opened the doorway to the Garden.

I write like that (third person limited), but fluctuate between which characters it focuses on. Also, I use a narrator, and the best kind: An insane one.

[New England and The Maritimes]

The world is fucked up. Most of said world is desert, with the exception of the various city-states that are placed around the globe. Each city is walled-off, and is abundant with pollution. Dark smoke clouds fill the air above cities, blotting out the sun.

Each city sends representatives to the Victory Shrine, an bunker located under the old United Nations Headquarters in the ruins of New York City. This union is called the World Congregation, or W.C. for short. The W.C. is led by a chairman, who is elected every five years. The W.C. is responsible for policing each member state with its large army of World Enforcers. Most cities are actually very peaceful, with the exception of a few...

One is called Fortune City. Located in the center of the Nevada Desert, Fortune City is a theocratic state ruled by the Privy Council. The Council itself does not spread the message of the Catholic Church; in fact, the city is the most dangerous in the world. Crime, drugs, gambling, and all sorts of illegal activity runs rampant. After multiple representatives from Fortune City have given the impression of the city's harsh conditions, the W.C. eventually votes that the city be banned from the W.C. until it can regain better standards. World Enforcers leave the city, and crime only increases.

Alex Cole is an agent of the Federal Inquisitor Bureau, which is Fortune City's last policing organization. On the way home one day, Cole sees a family being mugged by thugs. Grabbing his pistol, Cole intervenes, shooting the thugs. However, one gets away by surprising Cole and stabbing him in the side. Cole is taken by the family to their home, where he recuperates. He thanks them for all of there help, and stays for only a few days. When he leaves, he is given a drawing of himself by the family's youngest child, Jack. Cole leaves with a good spirit, only to find his apartment trashed. He immediately suspects the thugs from before, and returns to work. There, he files an investigation report. After waiting for a few days, Cole is enraged at the lack of response, and goes out to get his own revenge. Knowing that any thug would recognize him like the last, Cole dons a makeshift costume made out of a trench coat, a leather mask, and some old army equipment owned by his grandfather. He sets out that night, hoping to find revenge.

While patrolling the local alleys, Cole comes across an illegal drug shipment being delivered. Armed with several daggers and above average martial arts training, Cole ambushes the men, and kills most of them. As one tries to escape, he uses his pistol to shoot out the thug's kneecaps. After interrogating the thug - and getting no information - Cole hangs the thug from a flag pole by his feet. Cole, returning home with only minimal wounds, sees on the news report that Inquisitors have discovered the thugs, but no drugs were found. Cole, reluctantly, decides to go out the next night and continue his new crusade.

The next night, while on his "patrol", Cole returns to the scene of the crime. Upon investigating, Cole discovers a note written by Chad Jockman, the President of Fortune City Casinos. The note describes a plan to plant the drugs in Councilman Thomas Kent's headquarters, allowing Jockman to win the upcoming Privy Council elections. Cole decides to stop Jockman, and goes to the FCC building in downtown Fortune City. Using stealth, Cole is able to infiltrate the building. Arriving in Jockman's office, Cole searches the computer for any information. He finds evidence about the drug trade; enough, at least, to convict Jockman. As he downloads the files onto a flash drive, Jockman's secretary enters the room. Before she can notify security, she is smashed against her own desk by Cole, who escapes with the flash drive. Afterwards, he delivers it to FIB headquarters, where Cardinal Gordon, the head of the FIB, finds it. The next day, he holds a press conference, condemning Jockman and ordering his arrest. Cole retires from his vigilante role.

That night, the sister and brother Jack, from the family that he rescued, arrive at his apartment, telling him that their parents have been taken. Cole, after asking the kids several questions, realizes that the parents are Councilman Kent and his wife. He also deduces that the thugs that tried to mug them were actually hit men sent by Jockman. Cole, donning his costume again, goes back to FCC headquarters. This time, the building is surrounded by Inquisitors, who are in an all-out street war with Jockman's private security. Cole is able to enter the back way, and fight through Jockman's guards. Upon arriving at Jockman's office, Cole hears gunshots. Rushing in, he finds Mrs. Kent dead, and Councilman Kent unconscious. Jockman acknowledges Cole, saying that he's been monitoring the latter's moves, but he proclaims that Cole's antics will end there. Firing at Cole, Jockman fails to notify his lieutenants of their security's next move, thus allowing the FIB agents to break through their lines. Cole, using a couch for cover, fires at Jockman, eventually hitting his thigh, causing the latter to drop his gun. Jockman grabs a knife from his desk, and goes to kill Kent. Cole, out of ammo and knives, charges at Jockman, and tackles him out of the window. Both men plummet to the ground, but Cole is able to grab onto a flag pole at the last minute, before seeing Jockman crash into the ground, dying.

As Cole, now unmasked and heavily wounded, looks down at the crowds below, he sees the Kent children and their father, reunited. Remarking that his "nightly patrol" is over, Cole purposely drops from the flagpole, and plummets to his death, knowing that he helped make Fortune City a better place.

On the morning news, it is revealed that Councilman Kent has won the election, and will become the next Chairman of the Privy Council. Chairman Kent makes his inaugural speech, stating that he has negotiated with the W.C., which will allow Fortune City back into the international stage. The TV turns off, as a bloody mask like the one Cole had lands on the coffee table.

Not bad. Great ideas, very creative. Good first draft. If you want I can help you out with some revisions?

[Norstal]

The world is fucked up. Most of said world is desert, with the exception of the various city-states that are placed around the globe. Each city is walled-off and is abundant with pollution. Dark smoke clouds fill the air above cities, blotting out the sun.

Each city sends representatives to the Victory Shrine, a bunker located under the old United Nations Headquarters in the ruins of New York City. This union is called the World Congregation or W.C. for short. The W.C. is led by a chairman, who is elected every five years. The W.C. is responsible for policing each member state with its large army of World Enforcers. Most cities are actually very peaceful, with the exception of a few...

One is called Fortune City. Located in the center of the Nevada Desert, Fortune City is a theocratic state ruled by the Privy Council. The Council itself does not spread the message of the Catholic Church; in fact, the city is the most dangerous in the world. Crime, drugs, gambling, and all sorts of illegal activity runs rampant. After multiple representatives from Fortune City have given the impression of the city's harsh conditions, the W.C. eventually votes that the city be banned from the W.C. until it can regain better standards. World Enforcers leave the city and crime only increases.

Alex Cole is an agent of the Federal Inquisitor Bureau, which is Fortune City's last policing organization. On the way home one day, Cole sees a family being mugged by thugs. Grabbing his pistol, Cole intervenes, shooting the thugs. However, one gets away by surprising Cole and stabbing him in the side. Cole is taken by the family to their home, where he recuperates. He thanks them for all of there help and stays for only a few days. When he leaves, he is given a drawing of himself by the family's youngest child, Jack. Cole leaves with a good spirit, only to find his apartment trashed. He immediately suspects the thugs from before, and returns to work. There, he files an investigation report. After waiting for a few days, Cole is enraged at the lack of response, and goes out to get his own revenge. Knowing that any thug would recognize him like the last, Cole dons a makeshift costume made out of a trench coat, a leather mask, and some old army equipment owned by his grandfather. He sets out that night, hoping to find revenge.

While patrolling the local alleys, Cole comes across an illegal drug shipment being delivered. Armed with several daggers and above average martial arts training, Cole ambushes the men, and kills most of them. As one tries to escape, he uses his pistol to shoot out the thug's kneecaps. After interrogating the thug - and getting no information - Cole hangs the thug from a flag pole by his feet. Cole, returning home with only minimal wounds, sees on the news report that Inquisitors have discovered the thugs, but no drugs were found. Cole, reluctantly, decides to go out the next night and continue his new crusade.

The next night, while on his "patrol", Cole returns to the scene of the crime. Upon investigating, Cole discovers a note written by Chad Jockman, the President of Fortune City Casinos. The note describes a plan to plant the drugs in Councilman Thomas Kent's headquarters, allowing Jockman to win the upcoming Privy Council elections. Cole decides to stop Jockman, and goes to the FCC building in downtown Fortune City. Using stealth, Cole is able to infiltrate the building. Arriving in Jockman's office, Cole searches the computer for any information. He finds evidence about the drug trade; enough, at least, to convict Jockman. As he downloads the files onto a flash drive, Jockman's secretary enters the room. Before she can notify security, she is smashed against her own desk by Cole, who escapes with the flash drive. Afterwards, he delivers it to FIB headquarters, where Cardinal Gordon, the head of the FIB, finds it. The next day, he holds a press conference, condemning Jockman and ordering his arrest. Cole retires from his vigilante role.

That night, the sister and brother Jack, from the family that he rescued, arrive at his apartment, telling him that their parents have been taken. Cole, after asking the kids several questions, realizes that the parents are Councilman Kent and his wife. He also deduces that the thugs that tried to mug them were actually hit men sent by Jockman. Cole, donning his costume again, goes back to FCC headquarters. This time, the building is surrounded by Inquisitors, who are in an all-out street war with Jockman's private security. Cole is able to enter the back way, and fight through Jockman's guards. Upon arriving at Jockman's office, Cole hears gunshots. Rushing in, he finds Mrs. Kent dead, and Councilman Kent unconscious. Jockman acknowledges Cole, saying that he's been monitoring the latter's moves, but he proclaims that Cole's antics will end there. Firing at Cole, Jockman fails to notify his lieutenants of their security's next move, thus allowing the FIB agents to break through their lines. Cole, using a couch for cover, fires at Jockman, eventually hitting his thigh, causing the latter to drop his gun. Jockman grabs a knife from his desk, and goes to kill Kent. Cole, out of ammo and knives, charges at Jockman, and tackles him out of the window. Both men plummet to the ground, but Cole is able to grab onto a flag pole at the last minute, before seeing Jockman crash into the ground, dying.

As Cole, now unmasked and heavily wounded, looks down at the crowds below, he sees the Kent children and their father, reunited. Remarking that his "nightly patrol" is over, Cole purposely drops from the flagpole, and plummets to his death, knowing that he helped make Fortune City a better place.

On the morning news, it is revealed that Councilman Kent has won the election, and will become the next Chairman of the Privy Council. Chairman Kent makes his inaugural speech, stating that he has negotiated with the W.C., which will allow Fortune City back into the international stage. The TV turns off, as a bloody mask like the one Cole had lands on the coffee table.

Red parts are for grammar errors in accordance to Strunk & White's The Elements of Style. Blue are for inconsistencies (why quote 'patrol', but not 'patrolling'?).

Right, well, I won't give my usual scathing reviews since it looks more like a concept than a story. My advice is to use more literary techniques (metaphors, local color, voice, etc.) and a more descriptive narrative. Other than that, it seems like your story is an allusion to Mad Max or The Boy and His Dog or Blade Runner without the sci-fi stuff, I think. With that in mind, try to invent some new plotlines. Seems like your story at this stage is too predictable.

Great concept though, hope you develop it into something fantastic.

[The Nuclear Fist]

Currently writing a short story based on a normal person having the absurdist, most surreal adventure possible. Which will, when completed, climax with a gigantic sea turtle yelling, "I'm gonna turtle slap the shit out of you!"

[Nationstatelandsville]

Currently writing a short story based on a normal person having the absurdist, most surreal adventure possible. Which will, when completed, climax with a gigantic sea turtle yelling, "I'm gonna turtle slap the shit out of you!"

NationStates General: The Autobiograhpy

[Conserative Morality]

Currently writing a short story based on a normal person having the absurdist, most surreal adventure possible. Which will, when completed, climax with a gigantic sea turtle yelling, "I'm gonna turtle slap the shit out of you!"

I can't wait for it.

[The Nuclear Fist]

Currently writing a short story based on a normal person having the absurdist, most surreal adventure possible. Which will, when completed, climax with a gigantic sea turtle yelling, "I'm gonna turtle slap the shit out of you!"

NationStates General: The Autobiograhpy

Glory Whole: The Authorized Biography of the Universe's Greatest Man, Told Through the Eyes of a Humble Shoggoth in the Most Absurd and Cumbersome Way Possible.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

The world is fucked up. Most of said world is desert, with the exception of the various city-states that are placed around the globe. Each city is walled-off, and is abundant with pollution. Dark smoke clouds fill the air above cities, blotting out the sun.

Each city sends representatives to the Victory Shrine, an bunker located under the old United Nations Headquarters in the ruins of New York City. This union is called the World Congregation, or W.C. for short. The W.C. is led by a chairman, who is elected every five years. The W.C. is responsible for policing each member state with its large army of World Enforcers. Most cities are actually very peaceful, with the exception of a few...

One is called Fortune City. Located in the center of the Nevada Desert, Fortune City is a theocratic state ruled by the Privy Council. The Council itself does not spread the message of the Catholic Church; in fact, the city is the most dangerous in the world. Crime, drugs, gambling, and all sorts of illegal activity runs rampant. After multiple representatives from Fortune City have given the impression of the city's harsh conditions, the W.C. eventually votes that the city be banned from the W.C. until it can regain better standards. World Enforcers leave the city, and crime only increases.

Alex Cole is an agent of the Federal Inquisitor Bureau, which is Fortune City's last policing organization. On the way home one day, Cole sees a family being mugged by thugs. Grabbing his pistol, Cole intervenes, shooting the thugs. However, one gets away by surprising Cole and stabbing him in the side. Cole is taken by the family to their home, where he recuperates. He thanks them for all of there help, and stays for only a few days. When he leaves, he is given a drawing of himself by the family's youngest child, Jack. Cole leaves with a good spirit, only to find his apartment trashed. He immediately suspects the thugs from before, and returns to work. There, he files an investigation report. After waiting for a few days, Cole is enraged at the lack of response, and goes out to get his own revenge. Knowing that any thug would recognize him like the last, Cole dons a makeshift costume made out of a trench coat, a leather mask, and some old army equipment owned by his grandfather. He sets out that night, hoping to find revenge.

While patrolling the local alleys, Cole comes across an illegal drug shipment being delivered. Armed with several daggers and above average martial arts training, Cole ambushes the men, and kills most of them. As one tries to escape, he uses his pistol to shoot out the thug's kneecaps. After interrogating the thug - and getting no information - Cole hangs the thug from a flag pole by his feet. Cole, returning home with only minimal wounds, sees on the news report that Inquisitors have discovered the thugs, but no drugs were found. Cole, reluctantly, decides to go out the next night and continue his new crusade.

The next night, while on his "patrol", Cole returns to the scene of the crime. Upon investigating, Cole discovers a note written by Chad Jockman, the President of Fortune City Casinos. The note describes a plan to plant the drugs in Councilman Thomas Kent's headquarters, allowing Jockman to win the upcoming Privy Council elections. Cole decides to stop Jockman, and goes to the FCC building in downtown Fortune City. Using stealth, Cole is able to infiltrate the building. Arriving in Jockman's office, Cole searches the computer for any information. He finds evidence about the drug trade; enough, at least, to convict Jockman. As he downloads the files onto a flash drive, Jockman's secretary enters the room. Before she can notify security, she is smashed against her own desk by Cole, who escapes with the flash drive. Afterwards, he delivers it to FIB headquarters, where Cardinal Gordon, the head of the FIB, finds it. The next day, he holds a press conference, condemning Jockman and ordering his arrest. Cole retires from his vigilante role.

That night, the sister and brother Jack, from the family that he rescued, arrive at his apartment, telling him that their parents have been taken. Cole, after asking the kids several questions, realizes that the parents are Councilman Kent and his wife. He also deduces that the thugs that tried to mug them were actually hit men sent by Jockman. Cole, donning his costume again, goes back to FCC headquarters. This time, the building is surrounded by Inquisitors, who are in an all-out street war with Jockman's private security. Cole is able to enter the back way, and fight through Jockman's guards. Upon arriving at Jockman's office, Cole hears gunshots. Rushing in, he finds Mrs. Kent dead, and Councilman Kent unconscious. Jockman acknowledges Cole, saying that he's been monitoring the latter's moves, but he proclaims that Cole's antics will end there. Firing at Cole, Jockman fails to notify his lieutenants of their security's next move, thus allowing the FIB agents to break through their lines. Cole, using a couch for cover, fires at Jockman, eventually hitting his thigh, causing the latter to drop his gun. Jockman grabs a knife from his desk, and goes to kill Kent. Cole, out of ammo and knives, charges at Jockman, and tackles him out of the window. Both men plummet to the ground, but Cole is able to grab onto a flag pole at the last minute, before seeing Jockman crash into the ground, dying.

As Cole, now unmasked and heavily wounded, looks down at the crowds below, he sees the Kent children and their father, reunited. Remarking that his "nightly patrol" is over, Cole purposely drops from the flagpole, and plummets to his death, knowing that he helped make Fortune City a better place.

On the morning news, it is revealed that Councilman Kent has won the election, and will become the next Chairman of the Privy Council. Chairman Kent makes his inaugural speech, stating that he has negotiated with the W.C., which will allow Fortune City back into the international stage. The TV turns off, as a bloody mask like the one Cole had lands on the coffee table.

Pretty awesome. Post bits here.

[Nationstatelandsville]

Soooooooooooo... what genre do you guys usually write?

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Soooooooooooo... what genre do you guys usually write?

Any. Generally it's dark humor.

[Nationstatelandsville]

Soooooooooooo... what genre do you guys usually write?

Any. Generally it's dark humor.

I would ask if that's what you're writing now, but in a universe where God has Reagan-level mental illness, I think the genre's pretty obvious.

Buddy cop film.

[Conserative Morality]

Soooooooooooo... what genre do you guys usually write?

Low fantasy. LOW low fantasy. Almost no, if not absolutely no magic; no 'good', no 'bad', just people; and generally beyond the 'chain mail and arming swords' period in history.

[Nationstatelandsville]

Soooooooooooo... what genre do you guys usually write?

Low fantasy. LOW low fantasy. Almost no, if not absolutely no magic; no 'good', no 'bad', just people; and generally beyond the 'chain mail and arming swords' period in history.

Hm? Like?

That leaves a lot of leeway, my friend.