Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[Hardened Pyrokinetics]

Hippos are the deadliest animal in Africa. Before it becomes a meme, I would at least like to know that guy survived as the Hippo could potentially run faster and is much much much heavier.

He lived. From what I remember from seeing that picture before, the guy is essentially a Park Ranger.

[Risottia]

Hippos are the deadliest animal in Africa.

Well the same claim is made for the Cape buffalo and for the crocodile. Anyway we can assume that hippopotami are in the top five human-killers in Africa. The #1 and #2 rank being held by humans and microorganisms, ofc.

http://www.on-the-matrix.com/africa/buffalo.asp

[Arglorand]

Hippos are the deadliest animal in Africa. Before it becomes a meme, I would at least like to know that guy survived as the Hippo could potentially run faster and is much much much heavier.

Was that a clever way of calling Hippo fat?

[Conservative Conservationists]

Hippos are the deadliest animal in Africa.

Well the same claim is made for the Cape buffalo and for the crocodile. Anyway we can assume that hippopotami are in the top five human-killers in Africa. The #1 and #2 rank being held by humans and microorganisms, ofc.

http://www.on-the-matrix.com/africa/buffalo.asp

The link you posted, dosnt even claim buffalo are the deadliest in Africa. It says that some (unspecified) say they are. They are just amongst the deadliest. Interestingly the same source for hippoes does not mention crocodile as being amongst the deadliest. http://www.on-the-matrix.com/africa/hippo.asp
Overall the language is stronger, though I really dont trust it as a ource.

Humans are never included in animal death rankings (yet should qualify) and animals are multi-cellular organisms which micro-ogranisms such as bacteria and viruses are not.

Unfortunately I cant find any actual numbers which means its lots of guess work. Websites like Discovery and BBC whilst stating Hippo do not cite references

[Bezombia]

Let's not go off topic.

[Condunum]

.....Canada doesn't exist??

Sorry, no, it doesn't. It was a ruse that the French tried against the British during the War of the Spanish Succession. It worked pretty well, too, considering the resources Britain expended on the "place" once they "acquired" it. But we digress.

[Fartsniffage]

After drugs are legalized, the only thing left to sell illegally will be...light bulbs.

Hey, criminals have to live too.

*opens his coat*
Hey kids... Let me enlighten you.

[Natair]

*opens his coat*
Hey kids... Let me enlighten you.

Well played.

I, the king of bad puns, approve.

[Constaniana]

I hope you lose the cap to your favorite pen.

And as a Jew, you'd know all about losing the cap of your pen.

[Especially Dirty Hippies]

Well there could be aliens out there and there could be some interstellar species. They just could be in the bufu egypt of space.

Now the most important question .Would they think that out sexual fetishes are weird. Yes and no. They probably have sexual fetishes as weird as us and possibly share similar ones. This could also mean sexual fetishes that are Taboo to us is common to them. I can imagine a scenario now.

*Two [Insert sapient species] researchers are watching human porn

"Ugh. They tie each other up and beat each other. And they find this pleasurable?"
"Isn't Xel into this shit?"
"Xel is into this stuff? How do you know?"
"Saw him wanking off to this stuff during lunch. The look on his face was gold."
"Anyways, I can't watch this anymore or else I'm gonna vomit."

*Switches to Japanese tentacle porno.

"Dran, you can take the rest of the day off."

[The Republic of Lanos]

Near the Petition Site

A NovaBus LFS 2012 of the Capital Transportation Commission, its LED sign displaying "596 Metrobus Alex MacKay", was driving at 80kph on a relatively empty stretch of Alex MacKay Boulevard when a car driven by a French tourist who didn't know Aurentina drove on the left turned around the corner and sped towards the city bus at a rapid speed. The driver of the bus quickly swerved off the road, the trajectory of the bus now heading towards the people signing a petition.

[Ainin]

Near the Petition Site

A NovaBus LFS 2012 of the Capital Transportation Commission, its LED sign displaying "596 Metrobus Alex MacKay", was driving at 80kph on a relatively empty stretch of Alex MacKay Boulevard when a car driven by a French tourist who didn't know Aurentina drove on the left turned around the corner and sped towards the city bus at a rapid speed. The driver of the bus quickly swerved off the road, the trajectory of the bus now heading towards the people signing a petition.

For the context, it's in response to a godmodded petition in the NSG Senate.

[Lydenburg]

Hippos are the deadliest animal in Africa.

Well the same claim is made for the Cape buffalo and for the crocodile. Anyway we can assume that hippopotami are in the top five human-killers in Africa. The #1 and #2 rank being held by humans and microorganisms, ofc.

http://www.on-the-matrix.com/africa/buffalo.asp

You can't stop a charging Cape Buffalo with a headshot from a .50 calibre elephant gun. That's fucking tough.

[Reploid Productions]

The context: The bitcoin thread, in which the discussion started by said cryptocurrency's value dropping very sharply, and somebody was trying to sorta argue that it isn't a crash, but more of a market correction.

The plane has hit the god damn mountain. What else would you call it?

(Several other posts following it are pretty chuckle-worthy too.)

[Luveria]

Lol, poor Farn.

Where there is no evidence, the default position should be "does not exist." Nearly all of the stories of things that God - the Christian God - is claimed to have done can be explained in ways that do not require a supernatural being who exists outside of the universe. The ones we can't explain are simply ones we can't explain. We've gotten better and better at explaining things as time goes by. So no, the burden of proof is not on me, it rests squarely with you. Yours is the extraordinary claim, yours the burden of bringing the extraordinary proofs. And please dno't take this as an attack, it isn't. I'm just answering your demand for proof of God's non-existence.

You're an absolute hypocrite, why do you have the Byzantine flag on your NS flag? The Byzantine Empire was a Christian Empire, and here you are arguing against the existence of the God of the Byzantines. "I declare war on the Christian God, let me just brandish my NS flag which is a Christian flag on it"

[The Scientific States]

I vote "It gives Communism a bad name, so I'm glad it's gone" for the following reason.

Shot through the Wall
And you're to blame
Comrade
You give communism a bad name

[Aeken]

Not yet, of course...but give it time. I propose that in 20-30 years, once this immorality is commonplace, everything will collapse; marriage will be completely pointless, people can have sex with anything and everything that moves (or does not move) and face no repercussions, and the very fabric of society will disintegrate.

your slope is too slippery

you haven't been lubricating it, have you?

[Uieurnthlaal]

I just noticed - the Old Testament is God on crack, the New Testament is God on ecstasy.

[The Republic of Lanos]

I AM OF EXPORT DEALINGS.


IF YOU ARE NATION IN NEED KF RENT-A-MILITARY, NOT OF WORRY: YOU CALL KIRILLS SHACK OF KILL.

BUT RUSIAN MAN, YOU SAY.
WHAT IS KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL?

I AM TELL YOU FRIEND!

HERE AT KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL WE SELL ALL DEVICES AND MANNER OF TO MAKE ENEMY DEATH.

"HOW IS SO?!"

WELL I TELL YOU.

DUE TO MANUFACTURING OF STATE MIXUP, I HAVE BECOME OVERSTOCKED WITH ALL THINGS YOUR NATION IS NEEDING TO MAKE THE INVADING OF SILLY AFRICAN NATION OF CHAD.

(Image)CHAD, NOT EVEN OF ONCEINGS

WE HAVE ALL WEAPONS TO MAKE SUITINGS OF YOUR MILITARY NEEDS: AM SELLING ARMORED FIGHTING VEHICLES, ARMORED PERSONEL CARRIERS, MAIN TANKS OF BATTLINGS, TANKS THAT ARE CAN MAKE OF SWIMINGS, AIRFRAFT OF FIGHTING, OF ATTACK, OF INTERCEPT, OF BOMBINGS. AM SELL ROTOR WING AIRCRAFT OF MUCH ABILITY. AM SELLING SMALL ARMS AND ARTILLERY FOR MAKE ENEMY NO LONGER OF ATHEIST WHILE IN HOLE OF FOX, TOO.


THAT IS OF RIGHT, KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL IS OPEN 7 FAYS A WEEK, 23 HOUR OF DAY.

"BUT MR. MAN OF KILL", YOU DAY, "WHY ONLY 23?"

BECAUSE STATE IS OF SAYING SO.

CAPITALIST SPECIALS FOR HOLIDAYS:

BLOWOUT (THE ENEMY) SALE: OBYEKT 765 SP4, OF MUCH FIGHT. MAKE MANY ENEMY QUAKE IN BOOTS, NOW, LIMITED TIMES, BUY TWO AT SALE PRICEINGS OF 65% OFF ORIGINALS, GETTING ONE OF FREE.

WHAT SMELLS LIKE FISH(BED) SALE: THAT IS RIGHT, MIGHTY BED OF FISH MIKOYAN-GUREVICH, MODEL 21 IS NOW ON CLEARANCE. 50% OFF, MAKE BUYINGS OF ONE SQUADRON AND BE GETTING ANOTHER ONE 75% OFF.

I CAN DRIVE (T)-55: ALL T-55 TANKS MUST GO! BUY ONE BATTALION AND BE GETTING ONE FREE.

OH, MY HIP: YES, IS TRUTH! MI-8 HELICOPTERS ON SALE NOW! 60% OFF ALL MI-8 HELICOPTERS

THESE NUGGETS ARE MOIST: DA! DA! DDAAAAA! MOSIN RIFLE OF THREE LINES, YEAR OF 1891 AND RE ARSENAL OF 1930 RIFLES, ISED-IN-BOX! AT ONLY $3 PER RIFLE, A SUREFIRE WAY TO ARM YOUR MINUTE MEN WITH THE TRUE UTILITY MANS RIFLE. AND WHEN OF NOT HAVING NEED FOR RIFLE? USE RIFLE TO OF MAKING UTILITY POLE.

I'm drunk

I AM OF EXPORT DEALINGS.


IF YOU ARE NATION IN NEED KF RENT-A-MILITARY, NOT OF WORRY: YOU CALL KIRILLS SHACK OF KILL.

BUT RUSIAN MAN, YOU SAY.
WHAT IS KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL?

I AM TELL YOU FRIEND!

HERE AT KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL WE SELL ALL DEVICES AND MANNER OF TO MAKE ENEMY DEATH.

"HOW IS SO?!"

WELL I TELL YOU.

DUE TO MANUFACTURING OF STATE MIXUP, I HAVE BECOME OVERSTOCKED WITH ALL THINGS YOUR NATION IS NEEDING TO MAKE THE INVADING OF SILLY AFRICAN NATION OF CHAD.

(Image)CHAD, NOT EVEN OF ONCEINGS

WE HAVE ALL WEAPONS TO MAKE SUITINGS OF YOUR MILITARY NEEDS: AM SELLING ARMORED FIGHTING VEHICLES, ARMORED PERSONEL CARRIERS, MAIN TANKS OF BATTLINGS, TANKS THAT ARE CAN MAKE OF SWIMINGS, AIRFRAFT OF FIGHTING, OF ATTACK, OF INTERCEPT, OF BOMBINGS. AM SELL ROTOR WING AIRCRAFT OF MUCH ABILITY. AM SELLING SMALL ARMS AND ARTILLERY FOR MAKE ENEMY NO LONGER OF ATHEIST WHILE IN HOLE OF FOX, TOO.


THAT IS OF RIGHT, KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL IS OPEN 7 FAYS A WEEK, 23 HOUR OF DAY.

"BUT MR. MAN OF KILL", YOU DAY, "WHY ONLY 23?"

BECAUSE STATE IS OF SAYING SO.

CAPITALIST SPECIALS FOR HOLIDAYS:

BLOWOUT (THE ENEMY) SALE: OBYEKT 765 SP4, OF MUCH FIGHT. MAKE MANY ENEMY QUAKE IN BOOTS, NOW, LIMITED TIMES, BUY TWO AT SALE PRICEINGS OF 65% OFF ORIGINALS, GETTING ONE OF FREE.

WHAT SMELLS LIKE FISH(BED) SALE: THAT IS RIGHT, MIGHTY BED OF FISH MIKOYAN-GUREVICH, MODEL 21 IS NOW ON CLEARANCE. 50% OFF, MAKE BUYINGS OF ONE SQUADRON AND BE GETTING ANOTHER ONE 75% OFF.

I CAN DRIVE (T)-55: ALL T-55 TANKS MUST GO! BUY ONE BATTALION AND BE GETTING ONE FREE.

OH, MY HIP: YES, IS TRUTH! MI-8 HELICOPTERS ON SALE NOW! 60% OFF ALL MI-8 HELICOPTERS

THESE NUGGETS ARE MOIST: DA! DA! DDAAAAA! MOSIN RIFLE OF THREE LINES, YEAR OF 1891 AND RE ARSENAL OF 1930 RIFLES, ISED-IN-BOX! AT ONLY $3 PER RIFLE, A SUREFIRE WAY TO ARM YOUR MINUTE MEN WITH THE TRUE UTILITY MANS RIFLE. AND WHEN OF NOT HAVING NEED FOR RIFLE? USE RIFLE TO OF MAKING UTILITY POLE.

I'm drunk

COMRADE. ARE OF APPARENT HAVE BEEN INTO WISH OF ARMING FRIENDLY STATINGS. AS OF SUCH, SPREEWERKING GOVERNMENTAL IS OF CONTRACT TO FIREARM MANUFACTURE FACTORIES WITHIN OF SPREEWERKE. IS OF DECIDE THAT ARE BEANS OF COOLEST BECAUSE OF INTO PUZAK GOVERNMENTAL. INTRODUCTIONING, PRESENT-GRADES OF HANDGUN MODEL OF SA-93 OF GLORIOUS. IS HAVE BEEN OF CUSTOMIZE TO PERSONAL LIKINGS OF GOVERNMENT OFFICIALLY, AND ARE OF SLIDE LENGTH OF MUCH LENGTH, MUCH LIKE PENIS OF SPREEWERKIAN PROLETARIAT.



CONGRATULATE, COMRADE. IS OF GLORIOUS.

[Wisconsin9]

I AM OF EXPORT DEALINGS.


IF YOU ARE NATION IN NEED KF RENT-A-MILITARY, NOT OF WORRY: YOU CALL KIRILLS SHACK OF KILL.

BUT RUSIAN MAN, YOU SAY.
WHAT IS KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL?

I AM TELL YOU FRIEND!

HERE AT KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL WE SELL ALL DEVICES AND MANNER OF TO MAKE ENEMY DEATH.

"HOW IS SO?!"

WELL I TELL YOU.

DUE TO MANUFACTURING OF STATE MIXUP, I HAVE BECOME OVERSTOCKED WITH ALL THINGS YOUR NATION IS NEEDING TO MAKE THE INVADING OF SILLY AFRICAN NATION OF CHAD.

(Image)CHAD, NOT EVEN OF ONCEINGS

WE HAVE ALL WEAPONS TO MAKE SUITINGS OF YOUR MILITARY NEEDS: AM SELLING ARMORED FIGHTING VEHICLES, ARMORED PERSONEL CARRIERS, MAIN TANKS OF BATTLINGS, TANKS THAT ARE CAN MAKE OF SWIMINGS, AIRFRAFT OF FIGHTING, OF ATTACK, OF INTERCEPT, OF BOMBINGS. AM SELL ROTOR WING AIRCRAFT OF MUCH ABILITY. AM SELLING SMALL ARMS AND ARTILLERY FOR MAKE ENEMY NO LONGER OF ATHEIST WHILE IN HOLE OF FOX, TOO.


THAT IS OF RIGHT, KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL IS OPEN 7 FAYS A WEEK, 23 HOUR OF DAY.

"BUT MR. MAN OF KILL", YOU DAY, "WHY ONLY 23?"

BECAUSE STATE IS OF SAYING SO.

CAPITALIST SPECIALS FOR HOLIDAYS:

BLOWOUT (THE ENEMY) SALE: OBYEKT 765 SP4, OF MUCH FIGHT. MAKE MANY ENEMY QUAKE IN BOOTS, NOW, LIMITED TIMES, BUY TWO AT SALE PRICEINGS OF 65% OFF ORIGINALS, GETTING ONE OF FREE.

WHAT SMELLS LIKE FISH(BED) SALE: THAT IS RIGHT, MIGHTY BED OF FISH MIKOYAN-GUREVICH, MODEL 21 IS NOW ON CLEARANCE. 50% OFF, MAKE BUYINGS OF ONE SQUADRON AND BE GETTING ANOTHER ONE 75% OFF.

I CAN DRIVE (T)-55: ALL T-55 TANKS MUST GO! BUY ONE BATTALION AND BE GETTING ONE FREE.

OH, MY HIP: YES, IS TRUTH! MI-8 HELICOPTERS ON SALE NOW! 60% OFF ALL MI-8 HELICOPTERS

THESE NUGGETS ARE MOIST: DA! DA! DDAAAAA! MOSIN RIFLE OF THREE LINES, YEAR OF 1891 AND RE ARSENAL OF 1930 RIFLES, ISED-IN-BOX! AT ONLY $3 PER RIFLE, A SUREFIRE WAY TO ARM YOUR MINUTE MEN WITH THE TRUE UTILITY MANS RIFLE. AND WHEN OF NOT HAVING NEED FOR RIFLE? USE RIFLE TO OF MAKING UTILITY POLE.

I'm drunk

COMRADE. ARE OF APPARENT HAVE BEEN INTO WISH OF ARMING FRIENDLY STATINGS. AS OF SUCH, SPREEWERKING GOVERNMENTAL IS OF CONTRACT TO FIREARM MANUFACTURE FACTORIES WITHIN OF SPREEWERKE. IS OF DECIDE THAT ARE BEANS OF COOLEST BECAUSE OF INTO PUZAK GOVERNMENTAL. INTRODUCTIONING, PRESENT-GRADES OF HANDGUN MODEL OF SA-93 OF GLORIOUS. IS HAVE BEEN OF CUSTOMIZE TO PERSONAL LIKINGS OF GOVERNMENT OFFICIALLY, AND ARE OF SLIDE LENGTH OF MUCH LENGTH, MUCH LIKE PENIS OF SPREEWERKIAN PROLETARIAT.



CONGRATULATE, COMRADE. IS OF GLORIOUS.

That's the funniest thing I've read in weeks.

[Ainin]

Oh, there's free will alright; we can choose to either conform to God's will or (like open homosexuals and their supporters) regularly and deliberately flout them.

Flouting them is fun. No random sky wizard's going to tell me what to do.

[San]

I AM OF EXPORT DEALINGS.


IF YOU ARE NATION IN NEED KF RENT-A-MILITARY, NOT OF WORRY: YOU CALL KIRILLS SHACK OF KILL.

BUT RUSIAN MAN, YOU SAY.
WHAT IS KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL?

I AM TELL YOU FRIEND!

HERE AT KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL WE SELL ALL DEVICES AND MANNER OF TO MAKE ENEMY DEATH.

"HOW IS SO?!"

WELL I TELL YOU.

DUE TO MANUFACTURING OF STATE MIXUP, I HAVE BECOME OVERSTOCKED WITH ALL THINGS YOUR NATION IS NEEDING TO MAKE THE INVADING OF SILLY AFRICAN NATION OF CHAD.

(Image)CHAD, NOT EVEN OF ONCEINGS

WE HAVE ALL WEAPONS TO MAKE SUITINGS OF YOUR MILITARY NEEDS: AM SELLING ARMORED FIGHTING VEHICLES, ARMORED PERSONEL CARRIERS, MAIN TANKS OF BATTLINGS, TANKS THAT ARE CAN MAKE OF SWIMINGS, AIRFRAFT OF FIGHTING, OF ATTACK, OF INTERCEPT, OF BOMBINGS. AM SELL ROTOR WING AIRCRAFT OF MUCH ABILITY. AM SELLING SMALL ARMS AND ARTILLERY FOR MAKE ENEMY NO LONGER OF ATHEIST WHILE IN HOLE OF FOX, TOO.


THAT IS OF RIGHT, KIRILLS HOUSE OF KILL IS OPEN 7 FAYS A WEEK, 23 HOUR OF DAY.

"BUT MR. MAN OF KILL", YOU DAY, "WHY ONLY 23?"

BECAUSE STATE IS OF SAYING SO.

CAPITALIST SPECIALS FOR HOLIDAYS:

BLOWOUT (THE ENEMY) SALE: OBYEKT 765 SP4, OF MUCH FIGHT. MAKE MANY ENEMY QUAKE IN BOOTS, NOW, LIMITED TIMES, BUY TWO AT SALE PRICEINGS OF 65% OFF ORIGINALS, GETTING ONE OF FREE.

WHAT SMELLS LIKE FISH(BED) SALE: THAT IS RIGHT, MIGHTY BED OF FISH MIKOYAN-GUREVICH, MODEL 21 IS NOW ON CLEARANCE. 50% OFF, MAKE BUYINGS OF ONE SQUADRON AND BE GETTING ANOTHER ONE 75% OFF.

I CAN DRIVE (T)-55: ALL T-55 TANKS MUST GO! BUY ONE BATTALION AND BE GETTING ONE FREE.

OH, MY HIP: YES, IS TRUTH! MI-8 HELICOPTERS ON SALE NOW! 60% OFF ALL MI-8 HELICOPTERS

THESE NUGGETS ARE MOIST: DA! DA! DDAAAAA! MOSIN RIFLE OF THREE LINES, YEAR OF 1891 AND RE ARSENAL OF 1930 RIFLES, ISED-IN-BOX! AT ONLY $3 PER RIFLE, A SUREFIRE WAY TO ARM YOUR MINUTE MEN WITH THE TRUE UTILITY MANS RIFLE. AND WHEN OF NOT HAVING NEED FOR RIFLE? USE RIFLE TO OF MAKING UTILITY POLE.

I'm drunk

COMRADE. ARE OF APPARENT HAVE BEEN INTO WISH OF ARMING FRIENDLY STATINGS. AS OF SUCH, SPREEWERKING GOVERNMENTAL IS OF CONTRACT TO FIREARM MANUFACTURE FACTORIES WITHIN OF SPREEWERKE. IS OF DECIDE THAT ARE BEANS OF COOLEST BECAUSE OF INTO PUZAK GOVERNMENTAL. INTRODUCTIONING, PRESENT-GRADES OF HANDGUN MODEL OF SA-93 OF GLORIOUS. IS HAVE BEEN OF CUSTOMIZE TO PERSONAL LIKINGS OF GOVERNMENT OFFICIALLY, AND ARE OF SLIDE LENGTH OF MUCH LENGTH, MUCH LIKE PENIS OF SPREEWERKIAN PROLETARIAT.



CONGRATULATE, COMRADE. IS OF GLORIOUS.

i think i had a heart attack reading these

[Ruridova]

Please let it be Texas. Please let it be Texas.

Or, y'know, just the whole US. That would be great too.

One step at a time, sweetie. You wouldn't want our homophobes to choke and gag from such a large piece of gay love.

[Grenartia]

i think i had a heart attack reading these

I feel like I should read them in my over the top Russian accent.

[Immoren]

True...
*heads out to find 60W LEDs*

Neighbor: Hey what is with that damn light you have on that tower? It's so bright at night!

Homeowner: It's a lighthouse light.... it wards ships away.

Neighbor: But we're 200 miles from the ocean, there are no ships!

Homeowner: See, it works!