Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[The Republic of Lanos]

Huh. 8999 posts in this thread. I'm not going to say it.

It's over...NINE...THOUSAND!

[The Holy Therns]

Huh. 8999 posts in this thread. I'm not going to say it.

It's over...NINE...THOUSAND!

No, now it is. At that time it was just precisely 9000.

[Shofercia]

It's over...NINE...THOUSAND!

No, now it is. At that time it was just precisely 9000.

Nope. You didn't count the OP as a post. Your post was 9002

[Tlaceceyaya]

This isn't a discussion thread. Why have there been so many posts which are both not awesome and not quotes over the past few days?
If you can read this, you're quoting this. Which would mean that you are missing the point.

[Bezombia]

This isn't a discussion thread. Why have there been so many posts which are both not awesome and not quotes over the past few days?
If you can read this, you're quoting this. Which would mean that you are missing the point.

It's always been like this.

And yes I can read that.
And no you don't have to quote it to see it. Just select the whole post and right click on it.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

From The New York Times - March 5, 2023

The Russian government announced today that Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, aged 77, has died his second death. An autopsy has suggested he died quietly in his sleep, of a heart attack caused by severe blockage in his humerus artery.

His first death occurred in 2017, during a terrorist strike in Moscow. Putin killed twenty civilians before being stopped by a tactical nuke.

Incumbent President Dmitry Medvedev delivered a teary speech to the Russian public earlier this morning, honoring Putin and hailing him as "Russia's greatest hero and my best friend".

"Vladimir is - I mean, was a great man," he said, affecting a tone that many noted was similar to that of Putin's own, "I shall miss him, as shall all Russians, whether they like it or not." This was accompanied by Medvedev tearing his podium in half and swearing violently in the language of the bears, as Putin was known to do when intimidating his foes.

Medvedev's speech, overflowing with love and adoration for Putin, lasted for three hours, breaking only so that Medvedev could take eye-drops in his personal room, citing a recently developed eye condition. However, many have noted that Medvedev returned with a fresh layer of tears on his cheek, suggesting that Putin's death had affected him more than he was willing to divulge.

Putin was a controversial figure in Russian politics, recently having come under fire for his violent enforcement Russia's strict anti-demon policies, involving Putin personally riding into a St. Petersburg protest on horseback with an oversized king chess piece. There were no survivors.

Putin had also been accused of arranging and, according to some, personally carrying out the assassination of beloved Russian demonic rights leader, Abram Blokhin, himself the son of a human father and demon mother.

"Abram's severed head was found on the Moon," said Blokhin's brother and fellow activist Mikhail last month, just tow days before his own mysterious disappearance, "The. Fucking. Moon. I don't know of anyone but [Putin] who could do that. Superman, maybe. But Superman is not real. Superman is not real."

In response to the increasingly violent strikes against Putin, he had increased his security detail greatly in the past two months.

Medvedev, whom witnesses have noticed seems to have spontaneously grown taller and more robust since Putin's death, has promised to continue Putin's policies exactly as he would have.

"Vladimir Putin was a great man," Medvedev continued, "All of you agree with that. All of you. It would be unforgivable to let Medvede- I mean, Vladimir's death get in the way of his vision. Haha, yes. Vladimir is dead. I am Medvedev. Ha."

His eyes arenoted as taking on a striking steely quality, reminiscent of Putin's, while violently swearing to continue "fucking Vlad's wife" in his memory. Many Russian political analysts are confident that Medvedev will continue on the Presidency just as Putin, who would have run for President in the coming election in Medvedev's place, would have.

"Putin is Medvedev," joked one anonymous source, who has since been arrested on charges of treason and erased from the annals of history.

Those close to Medvedev have noted that, since Putin's death, Medvedev's personal character has changed dramatically. Medvedev has reportedly taken on many of Putin's qualities, such as his cold manner, iron will, love for dramatically petting cats, and habit of referring to himself as "Vladimir Putin", likely as way of remembering his fallen ally and easing the transition to a complete Medvedev reign. It has been announced hat Putin's duties as Prime Minister will be folded into Medvedev's as the President, and that the Federal Assembly will go on a temporary respite until Medvedev (now to be referred to as "the General Secretary") has settled into his new position.

Medvedev closed the speech with an ideological assurance to the Russian people, "Putin's will will be enforced. His destiny will come to fruition. I promise you this, or my name isn't Vladimir Putin. Wait, shit. I meant Medvedev."

Medvedev then turned and returned to the presidential estate, displaying his bold fashion statement of running a zipper down his back.

"Vladimir Putin will live on in all of our hearts, minds, and suits made of human flesh," his speech says, "For some of us more literally than others."

[Maklohi Vai]

From The New York Times - March 5, 2023

The Russian government announced today that Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, aged 77, has died his second death. An autopsy has suggested he died quietly in his sleep, of a heart attack caused by severe blockage in his humerus artery.

His first death occurred in 2017, during a terrorist strike in Moscow. Putin killed twenty civilians before being stopped by a tactical nuke.

Incumbent President Dmitry Medvedev delivered a teary speech to the Russian public earlier this morning, honoring Putin and hailing him as "Russia's greatest hero and my best friend".

"Vladimir is - I mean, was a great man," he said, affecting a tone that many noted was similar to that of Putin's own, "I shall miss him, as shall all Russians, whether they like it or not." This was accompanied by Medvedev tearing his podium in half and swearing violently in the language of the bears, as Putin was known to do when intimidating his foes.

Medvedev's speech, overflowing with love and adoration for Putin, lasted for three hours, breaking only so that Medvedev could take eye-drops in his personal room, citing a recently developed eye condition. However, many have noted that Medvedev returned with a fresh layer of tears on his cheek, suggesting that Putin's death had affected him more than he was willing to divulge.

Putin was a controversial figure in Russian politics, recently having come under fire for his violent enforcement Russia's strict anti-demon policies, involving Putin personally riding into a St. Petersburg protest on horseback with an oversized king chess piece. There were no survivors.

Putin had also been accused of arranging and, according to some, personally carrying out the assassination of beloved Russian demonic rights leader, Abram Blokhin, himself the son of a human father and demon mother.

"Abram's severed head was found on the Moon," said Blokhin's brother and fellow activist Mikhail last month, just tow days before his own mysterious disappearance, "The. Fucking. Moon. I don't know of anyone but [Putin] who could do that. Superman, maybe. But Superman is not real. Superman is not real."

In response to the increasingly violent strikes against Putin, he had increased his security detail greatly in the past two months.

Medvedev, whom witnesses have noticed seems to have spontaneously grown taller and more robust since Putin's death, has promised to continue Putin's policies exactly as he would have.

"Vladimir Putin was a great man," Medvedev continued, "All of you agree with that. All of you. It would be unforgivable to let Medvede- I mean, Vladimir's death get in the way of his vision. Haha, yes. Vladimir is dead. I am Medvedev. Ha."

His eyes arenoted as taking on a striking steely quality, reminiscent of Putin's, while violently swearing to continue "fucking Vlad's wife" in his memory. Many Russian political analysts are confident that Medvedev will continue on the Presidency just as Putin, who would have run for President in the coming election in Medvedev's place, would have.

"Putin is Medvedev," joked one anonymous source, who has since been arrested on charges of treason and erased from the annals of history.

Those close to Medvedev have noted that, since Putin's death, Medvedev's personal character has changed dramatically. Medvedev has reportedly taken on many of Putin's qualities, such as his cold manner, iron will, love for dramatically petting cats, and habit of referring to himself as "Vladimir Putin", likely as way of remembering his fallen ally and easing the transition to a complete Medvedev reign. It has been announced hat Putin's duties as Prime Minister will be folded into Medvedev's as the President, and that the Federal Assembly will go on a temporary respite until Medvedev (now to be referred to as "the General Secretary") has settled into his new position.

Medvedev closed the speech with an ideological assurance to the Russian people, "Putin's will will be enforced. His destiny will come to fruition. I promise you this, or my name isn't Vladimir Putin. Wait, shit. I meant Medvedev."

Medvedev then turned and returned to the presidential estate, displaying his bold fashion statement of running a zipper down his back.

"Vladimir Putin will live on in all of our hearts, minds, and suits made of human flesh," his speech says, "For some of us more literally than others."

This is just so amazing. I nominate it for OP-worthiness.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

This is just so amazing. I nominate it for OP-worthiness.

I just removed that section from the OP because I realised that the subjectivity of awesome makes quotes impossible to put up there, no matter how much I want.

And even though I think that rp post was brilliant.

[G-Tech Corporation]

From The New York Times - March 5, 2023

The Russian government announced today that Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, aged 77, has died his second death. An autopsy has suggested he died quietly in his sleep, of a heart attack caused by severe blockage in his humerus artery.

His first death occurred in 2017, during a terrorist strike in Moscow. Putin killed twenty civilians before being stopped by a tactical nuke.

Incumbent President Dmitry Medvedev delivered a teary speech to the Russian public earlier this morning, honoring Putin and hailing him as "Russia's greatest hero and my best friend".

"Vladimir is - I mean, was a great man," he said, affecting a tone that many noted was similar to that of Putin's own, "I shall miss him, as shall all Russians, whether they like it or not." This was accompanied by Medvedev tearing his podium in half and swearing violently in the language of the bears, as Putin was known to do when intimidating his foes.

Medvedev's speech, overflowing with love and adoration for Putin, lasted for three hours, breaking only so that Medvedev could take eye-drops in his personal room, citing a recently developed eye condition. However, many have noted that Medvedev returned with a fresh layer of tears on his cheek, suggesting that Putin's death had affected him more than he was willing to divulge.

Putin was a controversial figure in Russian politics, recently having come under fire for his violent enforcement Russia's strict anti-demon policies, involving Putin personally riding into a St. Petersburg protest on horseback with an oversized king chess piece. There were no survivors.

Putin had also been accused of arranging and, according to some, personally carrying out the assassination of beloved Russian demonic rights leader, Abram Blokhin, himself the son of a human father and demon mother.

"Abram's severed head was found on the Moon," said Blokhin's brother and fellow activist Mikhail last month, just tow days before his own mysterious disappearance, "The. Fucking. Moon. I don't know of anyone but [Putin] who could do that. Superman, maybe. But Superman is not real. Superman is not real."

In response to the increasingly violent strikes against Putin, he had increased his security detail greatly in the past two months.

Medvedev, whom witnesses have noticed seems to have spontaneously grown taller and more robust since Putin's death, has promised to continue Putin's policies exactly as he would have.

"Vladimir Putin was a great man," Medvedev continued, "All of you agree with that. All of you. It would be unforgivable to let Medvede- I mean, Vladimir's death get in the way of his vision. Haha, yes. Vladimir is dead. I am Medvedev. Ha."

His eyes arenoted as taking on a striking steely quality, reminiscent of Putin's, while violently swearing to continue "fucking Vlad's wife" in his memory. Many Russian political analysts are confident that Medvedev will continue on the Presidency just as Putin, who would have run for President in the coming election in Medvedev's place, would have.

"Putin is Medvedev," joked one anonymous source, who has since been arrested on charges of treason and erased from the annals of history.

Those close to Medvedev have noted that, since Putin's death, Medvedev's personal character has changed dramatically. Medvedev has reportedly taken on many of Putin's qualities, such as his cold manner, iron will, love for dramatically petting cats, and habit of referring to himself as "Vladimir Putin", likely as way of remembering his fallen ally and easing the transition to a complete Medvedev reign. It has been announced hat Putin's duties as Prime Minister will be folded into Medvedev's as the President, and that the Federal Assembly will go on a temporary respite until Medvedev (now to be referred to as "the General Secretary") has settled into his new position.

Medvedev closed the speech with an ideological assurance to the Russian people, "Putin's will will be enforced. His destiny will come to fruition. I promise you this, or my name isn't Vladimir Putin. Wait, shit. I meant Medvedev."

Medvedev then turned and returned to the presidential estate, displaying his bold fashion statement of running a zipper down his back.

"Vladimir Putin will live on in all of our hearts, minds, and suits made of human flesh," his speech says, "For some of us more literally than others."

Nat is a genius. A mad, mad, fucking genius.

[Maklohi Vai]

This is just so amazing. I nominate it for OP-worthiness.

I just removed that section from the OP because I realised that the subjectivity of awesome makes quotes impossible to put up there, no matter how much I want.

And even though I think that rp post was brilliant.

Shame, I think it definitely would have deserved it. I mean, the concept of Medvedyev being Putin's puppet has always been around, but never quite like this.

[Yumyumsuppertime]

I had no damn clue what "furriner" meant. I thought it was a last name.

A furriner is someone who aint a merkin. *nodnod*

[Natair]

A furriner is someone who aint a merkin. *nodnod*

Thought it had to do with furries 0_o

[Risottia]

OP asks whether the idea that vaccines cause autism is bullshit or not.

Bluthie obliges with a wonderful bit.

It's not nonsense at all. It's quite correct.

After all, a needle is very much a phallic object: it is long, rod-shaped, hard, and it penetrates. When it is used on a male, it can cause sexual confusion: he is forced to ask himself, does he penetrate or does he get penetrated? Especially when it occurs at a young age, this confusion completely overwhelms the brain. Overloaded, the brain shuts itself off from the outside world.

In the case of females, meanwhile, let us recall that conception requires a female orgasm, and a female orgasm requires the male to first ejaculate. The actual injection of the serum from the needle into the bloodstream is essentially an ejaculation from what we have already shown is a phallic object. When it occurs to a female who has not yet reached puberty and so as yet lacks the reproductive capacity, however, her natural feminine hysteria is suppressed because of this out-of-sequence (and out-of-place) experience. Thus, instead of become reactive and dramatic as women are wont to do, she instead withdraws into herself--in extreme cases, this can manifest itself as autism.

[Anollasia]

What does Facebook taste like?

It tastes like the screams of fangirls and hormones... so, chicken.

[Damanucus]

OP asks whether the idea that vaccines cause autism is bullshit or not.

Bluthie obliges with a wonderful bit.

It's not nonsense at all. It's quite correct.

After all, a needle is very much a phallic object: it is long, rod-shaped, hard, and it penetrates. When it is used on a male, it can cause sexual confusion: he is forced to ask himself, does he penetrate or does he get penetrated? Especially when it occurs at a young age, this confusion completely overwhelms the brain. Overloaded, the brain shuts itself off from the outside world.

In the case of females, meanwhile, let us recall that conception requires a female orgasm, and a female orgasm requires the male to first ejaculate. The actual injection of the serum from the needle into the bloodstream is essentially an ejaculation from what we have already shown is a phallic object. When it occurs to a female who has not yet reached puberty and so as yet lacks the reproductive capacity, however, her natural feminine hysteria is suppressed because of this out-of-sequence (and out-of-place) experience. Thus, instead of become reactive and dramatic as women are wont to do, she instead withdraws into herself--in extreme cases, this can manifest itself as autism.

Were it not for the fact that Bluth was being slightly satirical, I would debate its validity, not just as awesome, but as quotable.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

what? indian wins miss america? did they include spelling round this year?

[Risottia]

...
Were it not for the fact that Bluth was being slightly satirical

Gotta love slight understatements.

[Disserbia]

Hi, agnostic theist here, but I'm openminded (well obviously, if I'm agnostic). I want to have a civil discussion with atheists about the nature of existence without it getting derailed into name calling and personal attacks, or even if the world is better off without religion or not. Is this the place or not really?

An atheist thread is like a dark, forgotten, and labrynthine basement of stacks in a university library where the concrete and metal shelves are icy cold and it easy it is to stumble around lost for all eternity. That is, until you happen to find the secret meeting chamber of a secret atheist cabal, where we are all wearing black cloaks and pretentiously sitting around a round table.

We all stare at you, menacingly, until someone invites you into our friendly dicussion of the superiority of frozen yogurt over ice cream.

[The Serbian Empire]

This one in some kid's basement
I only went because free beer.

This is a thread on political parties.

[Disserbia]

This one in some kid's basement
I only went because free beer.

Post the title, so context is known.

[Damanucus]

This one in some kid's basement
I only went because free beer.

Yeah...I question its validity as awesome or funny, even in context (he responded to what political party he was).

[Disserbia]

Yeah...I question its validity as awesome or funny, even in context (he responded to what political party he was).

Well, people have different senses of humor.

[Wisconsin9]

Been here for a little over four years, and haven't posted much.

And from what I can determine; NSG is comprised of a mixed bag of nuts. There are left nuts, right nuts and even third party nuts.

Not a sane person in sight.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Been here for a little over four years, and haven't posted much.

And from what I can determine; NSG is comprised of a mixed bag of nuts. There are left nuts, right nuts and even third party nuts.

Not a sane person in sight.

Plenty of people who need a kick in the nuts though.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

So I was TGing with Nana, telling her some Hindi swears.

Me:

"Haraami" is "bastard".

"Chutia" is "fucker".

"Politician" is...well, that's self-explanatory.

Her:

All of the above?