Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[Wikkiwallana]

http://health.yahoo.net/news/s/hsn/could-compact-fluorescent-bulbs-pose-skin-cancer-risk

The "green" fluorescent bulbs that are being installed in homes across theworld may be good on power usage, but on human health- that's another story - they have a kind of film in them to stop the spread of U V rays - amd they crack at the drop of a heat - skin cancer ahoy!

Warning: the United States Surgeon General advises that exposure to scaremongering is the number one cause of unnecessary stress in the United States, and that multiple studies have confirmed that extended exposure to scaremongering is positively associated with stupidity. The Surgeon General advises Americans to discontinue exposure to scaremongering as soon as possible. If you need help, please consult your local Clue Fairy.

[Typhlochactas]

(Franks was talking to somebody named ''The Land of Trolls''.)

I read your name and became sad...

... because your first choice was taken?

[Genivaria]

LHC was finished during our lifetime.

So it's settled, then: My two children will be named Curiosity and Higgs.

[Natair]

Surprised this hasn't been quoted yet...

That being said, innovations in technology regarding space travel have always gone hand in hand with the old Russian-American dick waving contest that has been going on ever since the Cold War.

On whether NASA should be global.

[The Greater Aryan Race]

*shrug* YGO has a persistent underlying message to most of his posts.

Evil Moslem Obama's gonna steal your guns, your freedom, and forcably abort all of America's unborn babbies? Yes.

[Immoren]

Also, if I am to be starting the next thread, I need to know ASAP. My girlfriend's coming over in about twenty minutes, so I'll be off of the computer for several hours. If you want me to start it, I need to know... basically now.

I thought your girlfriend was that Khalashnicov you sleep with.

*AK walks in and gasps* "Spree! Have you been seeing other firearms? I bet it's that AR-15, the slut! What does she have that I don't? A rail system? I can be modified to baby, I can chaaaaange!!!"

Anyway, yes you should probably get an OP drafted ready for when this one gets locked.

You owe me for the Monster I was drinking when I read that.

Spree: "That's right baby; I've leaving you for M16. She's half your age, with a nice, big set of tac rails and a tight, pert little upper that doesn't wobble all over the place whenever I want to give her a good rattling!"

Spree: "That's right baby; I've leaving you for M16. She's half your age, with a nice, big set of tac rails and a tight, pert little upper that doesn't wobble all over the place whenever I want to give her a good rattling!"

AK: "At least my furniture's all natural. That skanky M16 ho is nothing but plastic! You think those handguards are real?"

[Olthar]

As I look through this thread's past pages, I wonder:

What's with everybody and Olthar?

It's been scientifically proven that Olthar is a walking aphrodisiac.

[Norstal]

Not the right white, amirite?

You have to be so white, that you illuminate at night.

If not, you are a dirty mud blood.

northside, westside, genocide.

[Damanucus]

It's been scientifically proven that Olthar is a walking aphrodisiac.

You need to stick that quote in your sig, Olthar.

[The Daktanese Technocracy]

Step 1. Pick up bible.
Step 2. Open bible to first page.
Step 3. Move your eyes down the page.
Step 4. Turn to next page.
Repeat steps 3-4 until book is finished. Congratulations, your now reading the the bible like a pro.

[Olthar]

You need to stick that quote in your sig, Olthar.

You know, I was going to, but there wasn't room. Now that there is room, I just sort of forgot.

EDIT: Nevermind. There still isn't room.
EDIT 2: I got rid of one of the others, though.

[Mosasauria]

That's not innovation. That's the sideaffects of smoking crackrocks

There is a difference?

[Tlaceceyaya]

What would be the penalty?

Castration.

Castration.

I read this as, "Christian." Yes, that's a horrible fate.

[Mesoland]

I just got asked out.

Don't forget the condoms.

[Germanic Templars]

The sad thing is that it does happen, every once and awhile, that SWAT is called out.

made by me

[Damanucus]

How I love the Silly and/or Illegal proposals thread sometimes. It produces gems like this one (multi-part, to create context):

Create International Smile Day

A resolution to improve worldwide human and civil rights.


Category: Human Rights
Strength: Mild
Proposed by: Clystia

Description: International Smile Day:
If enacted, this proposal will further the livelihood of the world's citizens by creating a new international holiday known as International Smile Day. This day will be used to celebrate the greatness and achievements of humanity and all citizens are under compulsory orders to smile and be of good cheer throughout the day. This holiday will take place annually on August 25.

Pros- This holiday will bring the world together for one day of happiness. International relations will be strengthened and national pride will have a boost to many nations.

Words fail me.

Words fail me.

"*Guns cock*: It is the 25th, and you are not smiling, Mr. Smith. No, I don't care if your wife just died. O'Brien, get the stapler."

[Wikkiwallana]

We in America used to define patriotism by representing your country in a dignified manner.

Now we define patriotism by how many times you've gotten the American flag tattooed on your penis.

God bless motherfucking America.

[Miss Defied]

I'd just like to make government large enough that it can't fit up my vagina, thanks.

[TaQud]

made by me

thought you would like it

[Farnhamia]

Exactly. I thought this bit at the end of the HuffPo article interesting:


Lost that jingoistic feeling?

If we've lost it, I say, good. Maybe we can start acting like adults.

You never throw others the bird before dropping your bombs
And there's no conceit in your eyes any more when you wave your flag
You're trying hard not to show it baby
but baby, baby I know it

You've lost that jingoistic feeling,
oh that jingoistic feeling
You've lost that jingoistic feeling, now it's gone, gone, gone

[Silent Majority]

having a high IQ is like having a big penis, if you have to say it, it's probably not true.

[Ruridova]

You know, one time a man tried to rob a gun store? Guess what? All of them were trained and had public weapons. The robber was gunned down in about 3 seconds. 6 of 6 people in the store drew guns at the same time amd shot the robber. I see no harm

And this one time, I was in a store, and a robber came in, and an old man next to me turned out to be Jesus, and he blasted the guy dead with his Jesus laser eyes.

No, I can't source that, but guys, I said it, so it must have happened and it can't have been a sugar-induced fantasy.

[Yoite]

Nah, i know a way to get food in bed

A shot of tequila and some slow jazz.

Hamburgers are such whores.

[Napkiraly]

No, no. Ninjas stick to the shadows and are rarely seen.

Abortion threads are more like pirates. Sailing willy-nilly all about, showing up when they are least expected, ruining the day of whatever unlucky traveler they run into, and playing lead roles in blockbuster Disney movies with Johnny Depp in them.
...
Wait...

AEbortion Threads of the NSGibbean 5: Horse-Corpse-Kicker

[Radiatia]

Don't know why it made me laugh, as it isn't that funny and yet... I found it funny all the same.

Even the libertarian party knows that on the scale of realism the Washington monument has a more significant chance of securing the nomination than Ron Paul.