Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[Soviet Canuckistan]

The one in my sig!

[The Greater Aryan Race]

This one deserves its own entry!

I have a lovely selection of facepalm pictures for you to choose from.
I have the presidential facepalm, the double facepalm, the picard facepalm, the tactical facepalm, and, of course, the implied facepalm.
Only $4.95!

[The Greater Aryan Race]

How many dead can be justified? Is there a specific number?

Entertainment value.

[The Greater Aryan Race]

Hello there friends. I'm the Reverend Lyndon Love and I'm so happy to be here before you today, bringing the word of God to the people of this World Assembly. You know, the Lord said "in all things give thanks" and I'd like to thank the Lord for letting me come here before you today and present his message.

Friends, Satan uses a lot of tricks to deceive us and lead us away from God. He's a wily old devil. They don't call him the devil for nothing you know!

Can I get an "Amen"?

One the ways the devil tries to deceive us is through false religion. You know, the Bible says we're to have no other gods but God. Let's all turn in our Bibles to Exodus 20, verse 3. The Word of God says "Thou shalt have no other gods before me". Now that's pretty straightforward, don't you think? God says we're to have no other gods. Period.

But when we look out into the world today we see people following all manner of false gods and false goddesses and false religions. That's the work of Satan my dear friends! Satan uses things like television and radio and the internet to show people all of these strange new ideas. All these flashy new fad religions that are supposed to free your soul and get you in harmony with nature and all other sorts of mumbo jumbo. Satan will tell you that these gods and these religions will free you, but they're really a TRAP! Once people get wrapped up in these things, their hearts and their minds close off and they can't hear God's voice calling them. Then they're all alone, and that's when Satan grabs 'em!

Friends, there's one of those false religions that's really troubling me today and God has put a burden on my heart to talk to you about it. I think you know which one it is. It's the false religion of Ponyism.

Now you might say "Ponyism? Why that's just a harmless little cute and fuzzy religion that talks about love and rainbows and ponies and being nice". My friends, those are lies coming straight from Satan himself. These ponies are not really ponies at all. They're demons from hell. Minions of Satan that are sent here to snare you and enslave you and drag you off to eternal damnation.

I see some of you out there shaking your heads. You don't believe me. You're thinking "oh what's this crazy preacher going on about?" Well let me tell you friends, Jesus loves you but these ponies do not. If you're out there following this Ponyist religion, Satan already has you. He's coiled up around your soul like a python and he's ready to drag you off to HELL!

I've heard some of you saying earlier "pony this and pony that" and praising these ponies. I'm not gonna name names but you know who you are. Friends, you need to repent. You need to renounce this Ponyism and confess your sins and accept Jesus as your saviour. You need to holler "heal me! HEAL ME JESUS! SAVE ME FROM THESE PONY DEMONS THAT ARE TORMENTING ME!" Then you need to get down on your knees and pray to Jesus to save you. Repent of these Ponyist sins and come into the light!

I'm gonna close now but before I do I'd like to invite all of you to come down front here and kneel before God in prayer and ask his forgiveness. We don't have a proper altar here but our God is a mighty God and he'll understand. Just come on down as Sister Louise plays "Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling” on the organ. Come on down now, don't be shy. God loves you and he wants you to come home.

That's good. I see a couple of people making their way on down. That's good. Here come several more. God bless you. Come on down. We've got plenty of room here. Bless you brothers and sisters, yes, come on down. The saviour is waiting.

Hallelujah.

Here come some more. Yes, come on down. I know it's just a short walk but it seems like a thousand miles. You can do it. Yes, come on down. Bless you sister, bless you brother.

I'm gonna ask Sister Louise to play one more verse. If you're struggling with Ponyism or Hinduism or Wenaism or communism or alcoholism or any other ism then make your way to the front. We want to make sure everyone has a chance if they hear the calling. If the Lord is calling you friend, just come on down here. This may be your last chance. We don't know how many days we have and if you're hearing God's voice right now you need to answer it. Yes, here come a few more. Hallelujah.

Friends, we're gonna close the service now with a prayer. After the service I'd all like to ask all of you that have come down here and kneeled to stick around for a while so we can pray and celebrate your new found salvation some more.

Now I ask that every head be bowed and every eye be closed as we go the Lord in prayer.

Heavenly Father, we come before you tonight to give thanks for letting us bring your message to these lost souls in the World Assembly. We thank you for these souls that you have delivered from damnation tonight that they may experience eternal salvation with you. We ask you to forgive us of our sins and teach us to walk with you always, and we ask you to give us your strength to resist the temptation of Ponyism and all the other lies that Satan uses to deceive us. Father we ask that you bless this ministry that we may continue to spread your word. And Father we ask that you bless the men and women of this World Assembly that they may pass just and Godly laws that are pleasing unto you. In Jesus name, Amen.

From the draft "Eradication of Ponyism" in the GA.

[Wikkiwallana]

Just a little TL;DR - I didn't like Ron Paul, then realised he's a different kind of poison to the rest of them and may as well appreciate that he's trying to do something different.

Paul is part of the rightwing agenda to cut help for the hardest hit Americans. The economy has faltered, people are without work and at most need of help, and there's a concerted effort to try to cut that cost.

It's kinda like kicking a man when he's down.

Ron Paul is trying something different - he's trying to kick you in the balls instead of the face. But you're still down, and he's still trying to kick you. Turns out 'different' isn't the same as 'better'.

[Geniasis]

An awesome NS quote. Awesome, not because it is funny, but because it is important and true.

It is important to remember that even scum-sucking degenerates like Hitler were still human beings.

It's not even a 'still' but rather 'is', as in, he's a man, like us. He isn't a creature, and easily identifiable monster we can disassociate ourselves from, but rather a human being, and that a human being can be capable of monstrous things and it is on us to not allow ourselves to be given over to that monstrous capability. If he was a dragon it would be easier to handle, we'd be able to go, "Yeah, well, you know...dragons." But he was us and it is up to us to not become him.

[Zebbstar]

One which is in my sigg

[Nationstatelandsville]

OK, thanks. I'd like to graduate high school though and private school just isn't happening.

Don't worry, once we've all had our nice scholarship private educations we'll be able to think of something viable.

[Milks Empire]

No problem from my end...I get to laugh in their faces while they try to convince me that Ron Paul is somehow different from all the other "libertarians" who want to shrink the government enough that it will fit up every woman's vagina and into every man's anus.

I'm kind of sad because if this was a reality, I might be a libertarian. I might have to work up to being able to take the free market, though.

Wazkyraque: I'm getting ads for lesbian dating sits. .w.
Dyakovo: And the problem would be?
Wazkyraque: Google Ads don't know my gender, nor sexual orientation

Are you sure about that?

Yes.
Or at least I had a penis when I woke up this morning

OP title should be "Santorum comes from behind."

hahahahhahha ok then I guess I'll go get drunk and dance around in my underwear!!!!!!! XD Then agin... someone might show up. Maybe I'll keep my clothes on..

In School?
That'll get you some attention...

Okay then... I'll just take it with stoicism and resignation. But first I would like to ask, on account on what deeds, am I found guilty of high treason?

It was a kangaroo court...
No, not this kind... This kind...

Wait, nobody told me that we can unilaterally declare that MOST people agree on something! Hold on...

1. MOST of us can agree that Geniasis has an enormous penis, and is also an incredible lover who can make women orgasm with but a glance.

Biological waste is very often stored in a freezer until it can be properly disposed of (usually incinerated).

I hear if you cash in 40 of them at once, you get a prize.

Too late...

Legions of tiny tiny schools.
Open your porn mag, a school jumps out and teaches you a lesson.

[Izandai]

...that Unica whipped out of her bra is excellent.

Because anything can be made funny if taken out of context.

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

I get you can't. I'm just saying, it would be an interesting game.

Like "Sims Religion" or something.

'Religious Tycoon" would be better. Start out with a single rabble rousing carpenter and grow from there to influence the leadership of the free world.

[Milks Empire]

Hence our recent discussion for the creation of Religious Tycoon.

"Now drag the special 'Apostle' unit to a city or region outside of your Holy Land to spread your religious influence in that area. Warning: this action will cause your 'Apostle' unit to become a martyr, a special class of prophet. Increasing the 'martyr respect' bar will increase culture in you Holy Land, and add courage to your 'Crusader' units."

[Izandai]

"Now drag the special 'Apostle' unit to a city or region outside of your Holy Land to spread your religious influence in that area. Warning: this action will cause your 'Apostle' unit to become a martyr, a special class of prophet. Increasing the 'martyr respect' bar will increase culture in you Holy Land, and add courage to your 'Crusader' units."

Someone seriously needs to make this.

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

Mega Super Lord Spuddo of the 34th Potato Dimension rips open a wormhole the size of Jupiter and billions of sentient French fries with AK-47000's flood through it. Their guns fire nuclear bobby pins at the speed of light and kill ANYTHING that they touch. The fries capture everyone involved in the war and eat their faces off. Having eaten everyone's faces off, the billions of fries commit mass suicide by microwave due to extreme boredom. This mass suicide deeply depressed Mega Super Lord Spuddo and he wept. He wept for so long that his salty, potato tears drowned all sentient and non-sentient life in the galaxy. Now the only being left in the entire galaxy, Mega Super Lord Spuddo of the 34th Potato Dimension also committed suicide...Bushido-style...

[The Greater Aryan Race]

So, Nationstates, Tell me. Why are Conservative Protestant Christians willing to look pass someone’s Roman Catholicism even if they would not be accepted by them thirty years ago.

The same reason they ally themselves with Jews and Israel: they are trying to bring about Armageddon.
LOL helping God fulfill His prophesies.

[The Greater Aryan Race]

You know, that happens to me a lot, too, that feeling of embarrassment over something I've done or said, and that avoidance of my continued interaction because of said embarrassment and frustration.

I know I'm neither the first nor last person to say it, but I was in no way put off by anything you've said, and I'm actually quite appreciative of the contributions you've made to the lighthearted and positive (even if said positivity is promoted via satire and wit) atmosphere of this thread.

I hope you can work out everything that's stressing you out. You'll always have a warm welcome from me.

Why does that work so damn well?

Because you, like everyone else, used to have a crush on your math teacher.

[The Greater Aryan Race]

The context was with regards to what CM said about GTA IV.

I've played IV. It's humorous hyberbole, but it lacks the intellectual strength to be classified as seriously political.

To which Rupture Farms commented followed by Trixiestan.

Did you beat it because it gets pretty deep.

"Oh how depressing and sobering is my life as a minority immigrant criminal in Americaaaa"

*runs over a bunch of old ladies and blows up everything*

This made my day.

[Milks Empire]

Vitius: Perhaps next we shall see the rise of the Ottomans.

(Image)

Stay tuned for the Third Reichliner.

[Lackadaisical2]

The one in my sig!

Doesn't work very well when you change your sig...

[The Greater Aryan Race]

And pray tell, where could he find a time machine? Because if it did, it would obviously be poor-quality, because it is made in the USA. After all, North Korean industry is superior than American industry.

America was not always the ceasepool of depravity it is today, sir.

[Milks Empire]

How the hell did this one slip by?

I hope Santorum gets nominated. The attack ads against him would be pretty hilarious. "Rick Santorum. Google him with safe search off; is this the kind of thing you want in the White House?"

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

To:The Grand Domains of Milks Empire
From: Valourium

No need to formalize this message, because it has a personal meaning...
WE HAVE NO IMAGINATION! Sarcasm is the ultimate sign of a lack of proper words to use in a situation. Besides, if Nekoland's Goddess exists and velociraptors are not extinct,then we are infinitely f**ked!We are blasted fools, who thought magitek armor was weak against everything! Our antimatter rifles,which fire lasers powered by the antimatter,with each vacuum magazine holding 5 lbs. of antimatter(2 grams of antimatter=5-6 times the size of the Hiroshima bomb explosion) couldn't slash through that armor! As such, we are equipping all of our soldiers now with butter knives for quick surrender!So in other words,you could wipe out our entire army from 5 miles away, seeing as they'll probably be running away leaving behind a trail of human excrement, and are equipped with butter knives. This means that our army of 50 trillion (this includes robots) soldiers would succumbed to the desires of other nations in fear! Please,we will withdraw from the war,we don't wish to become slaves.
Following the extremely frighting threats of Milks,Neko and Raptor,Valoruium has decided to inform you that our political officials,as well as our military leaders,are currently in fetal position sucking their thumbs with extreme prejudice,and praying for mercy.Our delusional Antimatter equipped robot armies are falling left and right to your Magitek Armored troops as your combined forces drive closer to our capital .All forces sent from your nations will be received by crowds of people giving themselves up to every one of your wishes,in the hopes of becoming some sort of slave instead of utter and inhumane torture and death.

This war is hopeless for us now,I will commit suicide after sending this message,I don't deserve to be even a slave of any of you. I assure you that,we are terrified...in a way that's never before experienced in modern history...

Signed,
Basileus Charles I,late monarch of Valourium

"It has a lot of redundances...

Hmm,Valourium...the only play where they suck their thumb with extreme prejudice."

[Wikkiwallana]

There are more people looking for jobs than there are unfilled jobs. How is motivating people going to fix that?

Maybe they'll make their own jobs.

"Yeah, I pay myself 100 dollars an hour to dig holes. A few more years of this and I'll be able to retire and get away from that asshole of a boss who keeps taking my money."

[Coffee Cakes]

How the hell did this one slip by?

I hope Santorum gets nominated. The attack ads against him would be pretty hilarious. "Rick Santorum. Google him with safe search off; is this the kind of thing you want in the White House?"

[Nationstatelandsville]

How the hell did this one slip by?

I hope Santorum gets nominated. The attack ads against him would be pretty hilarious. "Rick Santorum. Google him with safe search off; is this the kind of thing you want in the White House?"

Reminds me of a jewel of a quote from last night's Daily Show:

Jon Stewart, comparing the Republican party and his prediction of them going back to Romney to trying all of the chocolates in a box before picking plain:

So you've tried all of the chocolates, every single one of them in the box, except for this one, 'cause you know it's gonna suck. It's the one with the gross cherry shit you try to pawn off to your cousin. That's Santorum.

(bites chocolate)

(gag)

(spits it out, sending cherry goo everywhere)

Oh God, my chocolate was alive and now it's bleeding.

(later, now discussing Romney and using the plain chocolate as a demonstration)

...I got some Santorum on Romney. Don't Google that!