Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[Mirakai]

Archduke Franz Ferdinand's driver. If he had kept up with the itinerary, no World War 1.

"Damnit Hanz, you made a wrong turn!"
"Relax, it's not like you'll die"

[Wallenburg]

"Damnit Hanz, you made a wrong turn!"
"Relax, it's not like you'll die"

Aw, you beat me to it.

[Mirakai]

Julius Caesar. Just think, if they hadn't defeated the Gauls and seized the title of Emperor, Rome wouldn't have grown powerful! And if Rome hadn't grown powerful, they would have never fallen, giving rise to the Byzantines. And if the Byzantines hadn't fallen to the Ottomans, the Ottoman Empire couldn't have formed. And if the Ottoman Empire hadn't fallen then the Serbs wouldn't have formed a nation. And if the Serbs hadn't formed a nation, the Black Hand would never have formed and Russia wouldn't have pledged to protect Serbia. And if neither of those had happened, Austria wouldn't have gone to war with Serbia which would cause Russia to go to war with Austria which would cause Germany to go to war with Russia and France which would cause France to prepare to defend themselves which would call for the Schlieffen Plan which would cause Britain to declare war on Germany which would force Germany to use unrestricted submarine warfare which would cause the United States to declare war against Germany.

So, it's no wonder the Senate assassinated Caesar, he started World War 1!

2 awesomely funny posts in the same thread...

[Wallenburg]

Actually, I'd blame Paris of Troy. Think about it. If he didn't start banging Helen, the Trojan War never would have started. Without that, the Trojans would have never sailed with Aeneus to Italy. And without them, Romulus never would've even built Rome in the first place.

Ah, yes. But in that thread, we should really blame Aphrodite for that stupid golden apple, which bribed Paris into banging Helen. And we can blame the oceans after that, since they spawned Aphrodite in the first place. And what's the ocean made of? Salt water.

That's why we can't drink salt water. It started World War I.

We've found ourselves a gold mine.

[Mirakai]

My ADHD makes writing long posts a nightmare...

I have a textbook case of Attention Deficit--ooh, shiny!

[Wisconsin9]

Ah, yes. But in that thread, we should really blame Aphrodite for that stupid golden apple, which bribed Paris into banging Helen. And we can blame the oceans after that, since they spawned Aphrodite in the first place. And what's the ocean made of? Salt water.

That's why we can't drink salt water. It started World War I.

We've found ourselves a gold mine.

Salt water is a mixture of H₂O and NaCl. All those elements are fused in stars before they go supernova. When stars go supernova, they sometimes form neutron stars. It's suspected that gold is created when neutron stars collide. Gold is a cousin of World War I.

[Anollasia]

Anglophone, slowly but surely becoming a francophone.

Should've become a saxophone. They sound the best.

[Swith Witherward]

Humor over Cer's job sucking the life out of him...

But one day Cer will have his revenge, yes?

"Kill me Cer..." Work gasps from beneath the rubble of the old laboratory, "Just... do it."

The biochemist peers down at the entity that has made his life miserable for decades. He raises a foot and turns to leave.

"No... you bastard! Just end it! Do it, come on, do it now!" Work cries out, all pretense of power and self-respect draining out of it as it begs to at least be given a dignified ending, even as it wallows in its own feces and vomit, "Kill me!"

Cer pauses. He turns and walks over, an easy stride betraying the enjoyment he is getting from seeing his nemesis taking its final breaths. He bends over and picks up the rifle, the barrel lowering until it gently settles on Work's forehead.

Click.

The barrel rises and Cer offers a grim smile as he displays the magazine and the bullet fallen from its chamber.

"Do it yourself."

Pocketing the metal rectangle, he sets the bullet down just out of reach of Work's bloodied arms, the rifle set on the opposite side.

"Just end it!" Work lets out a sob, and Cer pauses to reflect. Perhaps he had been too hard on this entity. After all, it was not just him that work tortured. It was responsible for the suffering of many others.

His thoughts turn to the many nights he lost his keys and his eyes narrow. Work did not deserve mercy.

The easy stride resumes, and Cerillium offers a hollow laugh as he walks away.

[Mirakai]

You're asking for a temporary hold?

You might as well ask everyone to keep moving on as usual. It's the same thing.

Actually, if he wants us to post in four hours, then he's actually asking us to speed up.

[Mirakai]

Bit of context: we are all talking about the anime Arpeggio of Blue Steel

Arpeggio.

An overrated musical styling, in my opinion. I've always been a bigger fan of Tremolo.

[Equalsun Empire]

Another one from the WWI thread... As a Paradox fan, I found it enjoyable:

Pretty much everyone (in power) in europe wanted to go to war in 1914 and pretty much everyone thought they're gonna kick some ass and be home by Xmas.

I wish they would have just sat down at a computer and played a game of Victoria 2...
...
Hold on...
What if...
No, it cannot be...
Oh my god! Paradox caused world war one! They built a time machine and sparked conflicts throughout human history so they could make extremely addictive grand strategy games about them! The Swedish Bastards! It all makes sense now, No wonder sweden is always kep out of harm's way!
How come I'm the first to figure this out?!?

[Charlia]

I have a textbook case of Attention Deficit--ooh, shiny!

I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I can't take credit for coming up with the 'Attention Deficit--ooh, shiny!' part.

Unfortunately, it's been so long that I've forgotten where it came from. I think it was somewhere on TVTropes, but I'm too afraid if I try to confirm I'll lose more hours of my finite life. It's been forever since I made a trope list, I'm doing so well...

[The Danish Confederacy]

We've found ourselves a gold mine.

Salt water is a mixture of H₂O and NaCl. All those elements are fused in stars before they go supernova. When stars go supernova, they sometimes form neutron stars. It's suspected that gold is created when neutron stars collide. Gold is a cousin of World War I.

This is now AQ thread worthy.
Created in the AQ.

[Lavan Tiri]

Jon, I do speak Punjabi.

Well, fuck you.

I'd say I chuckled, but really it's more of a snorting giggle.

[Radfems Inc]

In the feminist thread:

ooh. A claim.

Why do you say their motives had nothing to do with the patriarchy? The patriarchy is nearly omnipresent.

Are they working with or against the Reptilians?

With the male Reptilians, obviously. But against the female Reptilians. It's confusing though because some of the Reptilians can change their own sex, so it's a dreadfully confusing conflict.

[A man is no one]

Context: the Left Behind series and its parody, Right Behind.

Me neither. I'm clueless about the Left and Right Behind. I just thought they were the gluteal parts.

[Menassa]

Deuteronomy 7:6-8


Clearly, the ones trying to be free from Egypt is none other than Jews.

So what you're saying is, the Jews told you that the Jews are God's chosen people?

I mean, I'm not saying they're not - I'm just saying consider the messenger.

[Geilinor]

I thought this was funny.

Do you think I'm a male supremacist?

I don't know anything about you.

Are you a feminist? If not then you probably are.

[The Alexanderians]

I thought this was funny.

I don't know anything about you.

Are you a feminist? If not then you probably are.

The quotes somehow got shifted

Do you think I'm a male supremacist?

I don't know anything about you.

Are you a feminist? If not then you probably are at least somewhat supporting male supremacy (directly or indirectly)

[Alvecia]

"And he rose again in three days."

"Pft! That's crazy. Give me like 5 minutes baby, 15 tops."

Lost the rest of it but this made me giggle.

[The Alexanderians]

"And he rose again in three days."

"Pft! That's crazy. Give me like 5 minutes baby, 15 tops."

Lost the rest of it but this made me giggle.

Even I giggled at that.

[Confederate Ramenia]

“I do not want you to vote, so much as I want you to wake up. I want you to drop out and tune in. I want you to take LSD and practice sorcery. I want you to listen to trap music and black metal, to learn the law and to break it deliberately, to find your own religion. I want you to learn the use of firearms and subject yourselves to rigorous physical training. I want you to treat your bodies as Holy Temples and to take your girlfriend to a strip club so you can seduce a dancer in the back room. I want you to worship Nature and dance naked in the moonlight ‘round the fire, screaming in ecstatic joy. I want you to revolt. Raise Hell. Break your limitations. Renounce your life and go into the Wilderness, that God may speak to you of things to come.”[2]

[Confederate Ramenia]

If any American politician were to give themselves an ancient Roman-esque name, I would have assumed it be something like Dickus Maximus, but whatever. I hope this guy changes his wardrobe accordingly.

[Confederate Ramenia]

The Libertarian candidate for Florida governor Adrian Wyllie, has said ""He is the absolute exact opposite of a Libertarian. He's a self-proclaimed fascist. He's promoting a second civil war", and, "It's absolute insanity. We must explain to people this is the opposite of Libertarians. This guy has no place in the Libertarian Party.".

There's always one party pooper.

[Frisbeeteria]

“I do not want you to vote, so much as I want you to wake up.

NS quotes, not random unattributed quotes.