Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[The Orson Empire]

So now it is 300 elite special forces to be sent.

Possibly Spartans.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: "If you value your lives over your complete annihilation, listen carefully, Obama. Allah conquers and controls everything his loyal followers rest their eyes upon. He leads an army so massive, it shakes the ground with its march. So vast, it drinks the rivers dry. All Allah requires is this: A simple offering of earth and water, a token of America's submission to the will of Allah."
Barack Obama: "Submission. Now, that's a bit of a problem. See, rumor has it, the French have already turned you down. And if those cheese eaters and boy-lovers have found that kind of nerve, then..."
David Cameron: "...We must be diplomatic."
Barack Obama: "And, of course, Anglophones have their reputation to consider."
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: "Choose your next words carefully, Obama. They may be your last as president."
*Obama draws M3 Submachine Gun*
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: "Madman. You're a madman."
Barack Obama: "Earth and water. You'll find plenty of both down there."
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: "No infidel, Persian or American, no infidel threatens a muslim."
Barack Obama: "You bring the crowns and heads of executed prisoners of war to my city steps. You insult my wife. You threaten my people with slavery and death. Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, terrorist. Perhaps you should have done the same."
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: "This is blasphemy. This is madness!"
Barack Obama: "Madness?
THIS
IS
'MURICA!

Just pure epicness.

[Damanucus]

]

OP, may I suggest you refer to Matt 22:15-22. It's the parable of the Herodians that appeared before Jesus with a coin bearing Caesar's image. Jesus said, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's."

So many modern Christians point to that verse as the basis of "God's nation" without understanding what Jesus meant.

"Rabbinism ruled that the right of coinage appertained to the ruler of a state, and was a proof of de facto government, which it was unlawful to resist. The current coin, which they used in their daily transactions, showed that the Jews were no longer independent, but set under and acquiescing in a foreign domination. Being subjects of Caesar, it was their duty to submit to his demands, and to pay the taxes which he had a right to levy. This was an answer to the insidious question propounded. Christ does not take either side in the controversy; he makes no question of the mutual rights of conquered and conquerors; he utters no aspiration for the recovery of independence; he uses facts as they are, and points to habitual practice as a sufficient solution of the difficulty. No reply could be wiser or simpler. Herein he gives a lesson for all time. No plea of religion can hold good against obedience to lawful authority. "Render to all their dues," says St. Paul (Romans 13:7): "tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour." The things that are God's; τὰ τοῦ Θεοῦ. The things of God arc ourselves - our life, powers, faculties, means; to use these in God's service is our duty and our privilege. There need be no conflict between religion and politics, Church and state. Let a citizen do his duty to God, and he will find his obligations to the civil power are coincident and harmonious. Let the state respect the rights of God and of conscience, and there will he no collision between itself and the Church, but both will peaceably cooperate for the good of the community" -Williams, Deane, Chaffin, St. Matthew, Volume 2, footnote.

Jesus never said to form a Christian nation. What he said was to preach his message to all the lands and, if that message wasn't wanted, wipe the dust from your feet and move on. The very concept of a non-secular nation flies in the face of what Christ taught (it smacks somewhat of Paulism and, later, churches).

A nation isn't a living entity. It's a collective body governed by some human or group of humans which insists that a specific territory is rightfully their own. Nations are born, nations die. People come and go. Nothing is intended to last forever because humans are not static beings. Christ never concerned himself with nations. His concern was the individual.

What profits a secular nation? To begin with, it doesn't concern itself over which is the correct doctrine. Even the United States, founded upon the principles of religious freedom, doesn't attempt to uphold a non-secular stance. This doesn't mean "free from all religion". It means "free to embrace the doctrines which serve you best and which you best serve". Otherwise, we would need to ask you, OP, which doctrine do you personally uphold and deem the only doctrine? Baptist? Catholic? Mormon? Some small unaffiliated fundamentalist church in Podunk, TN? Which doctrine is God's only Holy Doctrine? Which translation is God's only Holy Bible? Which man made and interest-influenced doctrine will that nation be founded upon and how will you possibly hinder the people from thinking up ways to alter it?

You stated, "So what's the point of having a secular nation in the first place? A nation that acknowledges God will live forever -- that's scriptural. Any nation that chooses to follow God will continue to be blessed and rewarded -- not just now, but also forever."

You are spouting the very thing some of those silly Jews spouted when they realized Jesus wasn't there to overthrow Rome. "But God said..." No. Jesus came to spread a different message, one that concerned itself with salvation and not earthly rule. The scriptures you cling to are OT in the Christian bible. You've neglected Christ's Gospel Message of the NT by insisting we all adhere to a political way of thinking which Jesus firmly negated. The point of a secular nation, you see, is that there is freedom to spread that Gospel message. God uses secular nations for his own good. If you don't believe that, then I must ask if you lack trust in God to see his own work to fruition.

Christ was intelligent. He realized that the individual was more important than the whole, but that people (on the whole) tended to twist things to suit their needs. That selfish nonsense was going on when he was alive. It goes on still today. Jesus didn't seek to overthrow Rome and reform the land into "God's country". (He clearly stated his kingdom was in heaven and not earth, a fact that royally pissed off the Jews who were awaiting a secular messiah who would overthrow Rome and reclaim their nation for God). Thus, Christ set out to change hearts.

There aren't any altar calls on NS. No one sways another with preaching. If you love the Lord, then do his works... meaning, live your life as an example of mercy and love rather than presuming that it's your calling to be a noise box. (Consider, also, that the Holy Spirit moves through men and guides their words. Jesus spoke to the masses that had gathered specifically to hear him, but his best work was when he was addressing the individual.) Scattering seeds on a NS forum is no better than scattering them on rocks. Wipe the dust and tend the individual soul. Show us God's mercy through compassionate and supportive posts here. Reveal it through helpful actions. Foster it by reaching out with gentle love to those who seem downhearted and lost, and then... only when they've blinked a few times and asked you what the secret to your joy is... then reveal that it's Christ that guides you. That's the best way to minister in my opinion, OP.

Not funny, but awesome nevertheless.

Doesn't need to be funny. But he so gets it, and that's what made it awesome.

I'm Damanucus, and I approve this message. Now I'll send him a TG thanking him for getting it.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

Oh if you tie you definitely progress. Takes you to 5 points and the others on 2 and 2 or 1 and 4.

If you lose, it matters by how much, and also how many you score. 0-1 would leave Ghana needing only 2-0 to go ahead on goal difference (1-0 ties on both goal difference and goals-for, and you go ahead on the Ghana/USA result earlier).

You'd be safer with Portugal winning. They're five goals behind on difference. I can't see them winning by 6 ...

What are fans supposed to do, watch two games at once?

AND ITS GOAL!!!

Ronaldo, riding on a dolphin with the wings of an angel, scores the sixth goal for Portugal in this game!

[Ruridova]

God can have fun too.

That explains Jesus.

[Yoite]

Hey, everything is possible.

I can just imagine the news:

Ex-Christians provide an explanation to the origin of the Universe: God masturbated. More at 11

[Yoite]

But God only wanted us to have one planet! Funding interplanetary expansion is funding Satan!

The space, the final frontier. These.... are the voyages, of the Liberal NSG Cabal.

[Nationstatelandsville]

My blood froze.

This picture is from 1607.

Oliver Cromwell was born in 1599.

[Death Metal]

24 match ban for what? Moral indignation? It's barmy... He was only banned 8 games for racism. Persistant nibbling is worse than nobbling and racism.

And his previous bans for biting were:

7 games for biting Otman Bakkal in 2010

10 games for biting Branislav Ivanovic in 2013

And, as you note, on top of that he's also had an 8 game ban for referring to Patrice Evra not just as a "negrito" - which is just about forgiveable in South American cultural context (I've worked in Venezuela) - but for also allegedly telling Evra "I kicked you because you are black", and "I don't speak to blacks".

Since he's paid no attention to his previous warnings and bans for flaming and trolling, the clear next step is to DEAT his current nation; though he's not DoS quite yet.

I might be confused there over which disciplinary procedures I'm supposed to be applying, but there you go.

[Constaniana]

Mainly the bottom bit:

You have no idea of how much we like being hated because of our own way of playing, Arch. You just have no idea. We like that, and being underestimated. Hate my 3-million-people country's team all you want, but it's very futile. We advanced nonetheless (over two formidable teams, no less) and your ironic remarks will not change that.

Look, I get it, really I do; you revel in being hated. My grandfather played for Millwall (true story!), so I'm far more familiar with the whole "no one likes us, we don't care" siege mentality than you might think I am.

But really, it's one thing to revel in the fact that your team and your fans are unpopular; it's quite another to revel in a reputation for serial cheating. And I'm sorry, but over my lifetime - which encompasses every World Cup since 1970 (inclusive), Uruguay's national football team has gained a reputation for being violent, thuggish serial cheats.

And that's something I would hesitate to take any pride in.

Sidenote: Does anyone seriously believe Suárez should be banned for months for that, even taking into account it's the third time? Be aware that I won't engage on any arguments if you decide to reply with a yes.

Oh please, Farf.

The planet has a population of some 7 billion.

Out of those 7 billion, the only people who don't think Suarez should be going home with a lengthy ban are the 3.3 million eligible for one of these:

[The Republic of Lanos]

You are going to sit there, the most obvious and exposed target in the world for a minute, while your foe bottled up in the house prepares the tea to welcome you? You know if they just drop a single fragmentation grenade down from a second floor window over the door while you are hacking it your team would be stroganoff right?

Don't be silly. You just get the Hacker Whiz perk, then lie prone next to the door while the progress bar inches up. Then give the Demolitions guy Flak Jacket Pro so he can cover the Hacker while surviving any grenade blast, and give your Squad Leader the Defibrillator so he can revive the Hacker after the blast.

Or is that not how real militaries work?

[Esparmuran]

Code Red! Not a drill! C-men inbound! Evacuate the premises!

[Damanucus]

Code Red! Not a drill! C-men inbound! Evacuate the premises!

Yeah, even with context, the humour or awesomeness of this is lost on me.

[Esparmuran]

Yeah, even with context, the humour or awesomeness of this is lost on me.

I have an immature sense of humour, sue me. I thought it was funny.

[European Socialist Republic]

In unrelated news spray tanning has been found to lead to irrational behavior.

"We have a lot in common : He [John Boehner] is a person of color. Although not a color that appears in the natural world." -Barack Obama

[Constaniana]

In unrelated news spray tanning has been found to lead to irrational behavior.

"We have a lot in common : He [John Boehner] is a person of color. Although not a color that appears in the natural world." -Barack Obama

[Gigaverse]

I don't get it.

[Revanchism]

Oh I remember you. You're that kid.

I am obviously against this on several grounds. One, this isn't "sexual hour" on NSG; secondly, what you just said is rude; thirdly, I just simply don't like you.

When Soldy says you're that kid, chances are you didn't make a positive impression on him. You probably didn't make a positive impression on him at all.

[Todlichebujoku]

I don't get it.

John Boehner's skin is often described as 'orange"

But back to quotes.

[Sun Wukong]

I often wonder if Coulter hasn't been secretly satirizing Republicans for years, and they just haven't clued in...

The entire Republican party is secretly just filled with satirists. None of them legitimately believe anything they say. One day, someone will finally get tired of the joke and come clean. Then, everyone else will be like, "Wait, you too?" And then it'll all come out, and they'll go, "Was anyone actually serious?" And then one single hand will go up.

Made me chuckle.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I'd more classify her as "deep-off-the-end right Tea Partier" - Other people in that category: Michelle Bachmann

Ann Coulter and Michelle Bachmann. I wouldn't be surprised if there is already hot and steamy fan fiction online somewhere featuring those two ultraconservative vixens.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

This is a very long quote chain so I'll post the beginning if you want to scroll through it, and the end if you want to click through it.

Beginning:

I'm starting to think this fantasy, as opposed to real life.

You're caught in a landslide, I'm afraid - there's no escape from reality.

End:

Nothing really matters. Anyone can see, nothing really matters.

Nothing really matters to me.

Anyway the wind blows.

And now we're done. Next week, Carry on My Wayward Son. Don't miss it.

I should have ended it earlier, admittedly, but I had to let it finish.

[Yumyumsuppertime]

In response to the question regarding whether or not shopkeepers should be required to serve adulterers.

first we're letting them serve the gays and the adulterers, and before you know it they'll be serving their own siblings and pets

[Yoite]

Ah! Right, of course!

*hands out condoms*

Safe Soap Dropping, always.

Yes, I can see the campaign slogan now; "Don't slip on it, slip it on"

[Yoite]

If you have no base income how do you discharge currency?

With my penis.

[Degenerate Heart of HetRio]

I ROFL'd.

Schools are places where you are invited to learn stuff rather than do parties though.

I'm unaware of the amazing education properties of skirts. Will you enlighten me?