We're taught, whether Christian or not, that if a person wrongs us and then apologizes, we're morally and ethically bound to accept, forgive and forget. I think this is a perversion.
Ok, apologies come in two basic forms - sincere and insincere.
Sincere has one, and only one manifestation - the person recognizes that he/she has wronged someone and is really sorry about it. They go to the person they wronged, offer heartfelt apologies, swear that they will try very hard not to do "it" (whatever it was) again, and they'll try, in one way or another, to make it up. This form of apology should be accepted and the action or lack of action forgiven - though maybe not forgotten (bringing it up at odd, awkward moments is really a bozo no-no, though).
Insincere apologies have boundless manifestations. The two I've most commonly met are the pro-forma apology and the "yeah, but..." apology.
The pro-forma apology is typified by this, someone wrongs you (or vice versa) and says, "Oh, I'm sorry" and you can pretty much tell that they're not sorry at all, they're just saying it as a matter of form. They stand waiting for you to wave it off and say "oh, that's ok" (when clearly it's not ok). Then they go off and pretty much do it all over again, expecting your acceptance and forgiveness for each unthinking wrong and insincere apology. Then they get upset when you finally decide that you've had enough and say "no, it's not ok".
The "yeah, but..." apology is insidious. This is the apology where the person who wronged another actually does recognize his/her action was wrong, but the apology goes somehing like this - "Oh, I'm sorry that I did (insert wrong here), but if you had/had not done such and such, then I wouldn't have (insert wrong here)." The unwritten message is that it's all really your fault and you're the one who should apologize. This form has many manifestations including the "I'm sorry I over-reacted, but you're still wrong" apology.
I feel that these apology types don't warrant acceptance and forgiveness and should not be accorded such. The appropriate response to these is "no, It's not ok and no you aren't sorry, come back when you mean it".
I know that there are some who think that you should accept and forgive every wrong, whether apologies, whether sincere or not, are proffered or not. I know that there are some who refuse to accept any apologies and won't forgive any wrongs.
How do you feel about apologies - do you accept without stint? Do you try to judge sincerity? Do you believe that apologies and foregiveness are signs of weakness? Do you apologize when you're wrong, do you mean it?
). Without them, it's "Welcome to Hobbes World: a nasty, brutish, and short struggle of all against all!".
