The War on Christmas...

[Sebytania]

Besides, we just did it to quietly absorb pagan culture so we would be supreme make things easier for our converts to adjust.
Actually, both are probably true.

Indeed, quite like building the churches on old pagan ritual places. They're used to worship their old gods there, so that's also an easy way to control who they worship in the future. What they didn't see coming though was that Finns, or Tavastians to be more precise, went and washed off their baptism as soon as the crusaders turned their back. Hell, they burned the last shamanic drums in the 18th Century. That's what I call a slow conversion.

[The Black Forrest]

It's a plot! Break it down and you have the warning Christ mas die!

[Sciox]

Just in case a Grinch (or Grinch equivelant) drops by. I'm sitting by the roasting chestnuts with a shotgun, theres a claymore mine in front of my chimney and the pressure plate under my tree is linked to a block of semtex.

[Hindopia]

No way would I wage war on Christmas! It's actually my favorite time of year (and no, I'm not one of those folks who believe that Jesus was born on this date/time/day) because my rather large family comes together and we have a freaking awesome time. Oh, and Christmas food is great!

[Angry Axes]

I'm Agnostic and I really don't care if its a religious holiday, I think its awesome (although not as good as it was when i was younger). And the Boxing day sales arnt too bad either.

[Herrebrugh]

Sinterklaasje bonne bonne bonne
gooi wat in mijn lege lege tonne
gooi wat in mijn laarsje
dank u Sinterklaasje

[Ashmoria]

Sinterklaasje bonne bonne bonne
gooi wat in mijn lege lege tonne
gooi wat in mijn laarsje
dank u Sinterklaasje

dont the 6-8 black men get any thanks?

[Tekania]

what kinda Santa spends his time pretending to kick people and then put them into bags.

sedaris is just so....disgusted with dutch santa theory. i can listen to that over and over again

I like the Dutch Santa... makes more sense.... Former Eastern Church Bishop living in Spain with his African slaves; and he beats bad kids with a switch, or sells them into slavery in Morocco..... And over here we simply threaten bad kids with getting chunks of fossil fuel in their stocking.

[Ashmoria]

sedaris is just so....disgusted with dutch santa theory. i can listen to that over and over again

I like the Dutch Santa... makes more sense.... Former Eastern Church Bishop living in Spain with his African slaves; and he beats bad kids with a switch, or sells them into slavery in Morocco..... And over here we simply threaten bad kids with getting chunks of fossil fuel in their stocking.

did you get to the part where he suggests that dutch parents must warn their kids to pack some stuff because santa is coming and maybe he'll leave them presents, maybe he'll kidnap them to spain or maybe he'll just pretend to beat them?

[Tekania]

I like the Dutch Santa... makes more sense.... Former Eastern Church Bishop living in Spain with his African slaves; and he beats bad kids with a switch, or sells them into slavery in Morocco..... And over here we simply threaten bad kids with getting chunks of fossil fuel in their stocking.

did you get to the part where he suggests that dutch parents must warn their kids to pack some stuff because santa is coming and maybe he'll leave them presents, maybe he'll kidnap them to spain or maybe he'll just pretend to beat them?

Well, they wouldn't get mock beaten or dragged off to Spain if they had good boys and girls.... It's certainly much more motivational than threatened with receiving a lump of fossil fuel in ones stocking

[Ashmoria]

did you get to the part where he suggests that dutch parents must warn their kids to pack some stuff because santa is coming and maybe he'll leave them presents, maybe he'll kidnap them to spain or maybe he'll just pretend to beat them?

Well, they wouldn't get mock beaten or dragged off to Spain if they had good boys and girls.... It's certainly much more motivational than threatened with receiving a lump of fossil fuel in ones stocking

do parents still use that? im not sure my son would have known what a lump of coal is.

[Herrebrugh]

Sinterklaasje bonne bonne bonne
gooi wat in mijn lege lege tonne
gooi wat in mijn laarsje
dank u Sinterklaasje

dont the 6-8 black men get any thanks?

zijn knecht staat te lachen en roept ons reeds toe
wie zoet is krijgt lekkers wie stout is de roe
oh lieve Sint Nicolaas kom ook eens bij mij
en rijd toch niet stilletjes ons huisje voorbij

[Tekania]

Well, they wouldn't get mock beaten or dragged off to Spain if they had good boys and girls.... It's certainly much more motivational than threatened with receiving a lump of fossil fuel in ones stocking

do parents still use that? im not sure my son would have known what a lump of coal is.

Besides, if we're talking about someone who sneaks into people's houses in the middle of the night; what is more realistic; that he's a slave driving relgiious zealot who kidnaps children and beats them; or that he just likes to get free cookies and leave people presents?"

[Ashmoria]

dont the 6-8 black men get any thanks?

zijn knecht staat te lachen en roept ons reeds toe
wie zoet is krijgt lekkers wie stout is de roe
oh lieve Sint Nicolaas kom ook eens bij mij
en rijd toch niet stilletjes ons huisje voorbij

easy for you to say!

[Herrebrugh]

Daar word aan de deur geklopt
hard geklopt zacht geklopt
daar word aan de deur geklopt
wie zou dat zijn
wees maar gerust mijn kind
ik ben je goed gezind
ook al ben ik zwart als roet
'k meen het toch goed

[Ashmoria]

do parents still use that? im not sure my son would have known what a lump of coal is.

Besides, if we're talking about someone who sneaks into people's houses in the middle of the night; what is more realistic; that he's a slave driving relgiious zealot who kidnaps children and beats them; or that he just likes to get free cookies and leave people presents?"

neither story makes any sense.

its funny because its someone else's silly story. and it makes our own funny by comparing the 2 and seeing how silly our own story is.

and because david sedaris is an excellent reader of his own material.

[FREEaquaticdancelesson]

Atnas is who I'm going to introduce to my kids, he's the modern version of Santa.
He drinks pepsi, Instead of coal he gives outdated technology and he wears nothing but a speedo...
FUCK THAT, KEEP SANTA IN OUR HOUSEHOLDS!

[Langorham]

Naughty children cause global warming. They get lumps of coal instead of presents and then they burn that coal causing a massive CO2 footprint. So if you want to help prevent global warming, ya got to be nice.

[Mirkana]

Santa Claus is a Time Lord. His sleigh is his TARDIS. He can travel back in time, so he can hit every house on the planet in a single night.

[Farnhamia]

Santa Claus is a Time Lord. His sleigh is his TARDIS. He can travel back in time, so he can hit every house on the planet in a single night.

That may be, but NORAD has his number.

[Coccygia]

YES! DEATH TO THE GALILEAN CHILD!

Put the rotting cow corpse onto the catapult and fire at will!

"Fetchez le vache!"
"Quoi?"
"Fetchez le vache!"

there is a war on christmas VACATION.
that mean old harry reid is threatening to reconvene the senate on the 26th so they can get back to work passing stuff that needs passing.
awwwww those senators have it so much harder than the unemployed who would love to be working on christmas.

Most of them probably will still be hung over. Or still drunk. (Shouldn't make any difference though...}

[Saint Clair Island]

Personally, I think it's disgraceful that you can start threads on this forum with "Christmas" in the title! Don't you realise how offensive you're being to all those religious minorities who don't celebrate the holiday? Show some respect, don't peddle your Christocentric worldview in public forums where your bias shows on your sleeve. It can't be such a big deal to change "The War on Christmas" to "The Winter Holidays Conflict" is it? Just a couple of extra syllables in exchange for abandonment of the traditions of dead rich white men. >:(

[Imsogone]

Personally, I think it's disgraceful that you can start threads on this forum with "Christmas" in the title! Don't you realise how offensive you're being to all those religious minorities who don't celebrate the holiday? Show some respect, don't peddle your Christocentric worldview in public forums where your bias shows on your sleeve. It can't be such a big deal to change "The War on Christmas" to "The Winter Holidays Conflict" is it? Just a couple of extra syllables in exchange for abandonment of the traditions of dead rich white men.

Ths is bad sarcasm, right? I hope.

[Saint Clair Island]

Personally, I think it's disgraceful that you can start threads on this forum with "Christmas" in the title! Don't you realise how offensive you're being to all those religious minorities who don't celebrate the holiday? Show some respect, don't peddle your Christocentric worldview in public forums where your bias shows on your sleeve. It can't be such a big deal to change "The War on Christmas" to "The Winter Holidays Conflict" is it? Just a couple of extra syllables in exchange for abandonment of the traditions of dead rich white men. >:(

Ths is bad sarcasm, right? I hope. :(

It's not too far off from some real views, unfortunately. I've heard arguments that separation of church and state means that Christmas should be kept to private homes and businesses (so no christmas decorations or trees in public), and met people who found "Merry Christmas" terribly offensive.

[Coccygia]

Personally, I think it's disgraceful that you can start threads on this forum with "Christmas" in the title! Don't you realise how offensive you're being to all those religious minorities who don't celebrate the holiday? Show some respect, don't peddle your Christocentric worldview in public forums where your bias shows on your sleeve. It can't be such a big deal to change "The War on Christmas" to "The Winter Holidays Conflict" is it? Just a couple of extra syllables in exchange for abandonment of the traditions of dead rich white men.

Dead rich white men? How dare you insult Necro-Americans!