My Friend is Pondering Suicide...

[United_Deception]

Sit him down and give him a good straight forward talking to, get someone to buy you drink, go out just you and him somewhere safe, have a laugh about life and all the pro's and head home.
Call him the next morning see his better mood.

Please note: I do not condone underage drinking.

[Heinleinites]

Tell him if he commits suicide, he'll regret it for the rest of his life.

Or you could take the Lethal Weapon approach and handcuff yourself to him and throw both of you off of a building once you've stalled long enough for the PD to have set up an air cushion.

[Sibirsky]

Scary. I wish him well.

[Rhodmhire]

For about a month or so now, my good friend Gregory has been talking about suicide.

I've been talking to him online for quite some time, and he'll even mention it sometimes in person. It's over a girl he knows, he's really believing she's the central cause of his life being in seemingly shattered ruins.

At first I talked to him and he seemed like he'd be okay, but it's getting progressively worse.

Personally, at the end of every talk, I'll remind him that I am no person to choose how he handles his situation, I've brought up my experiences, my religious views, my alternative solutions. Nothing I do does anything more than give him a sense of friendship, comfort, and understanding from me, and the next time we talk, he brings suicide up again.

I don't know what to do and I'm very worried.

Well, In a way she probably is the reason. I say this because someone once said " I think therefore i am." He sees her as the major reason than to him she will be the major reason. I don't mean to sound cold, but we each hold the power in our own hands to shape our own lives. We do it every single day. Once your friend realizes that he is the one who makes his life what he wishes and not she. He should be ok. I speak from a unique perspective, I've been on both sides of this coin. The last time i didn't go through with it because one person cared, and the thought of her crying over my actions hurting her stopped me from doing it. Now i've also been in your shoes. I've made people aware that its their life. they are in control, and if they let other people control the outcome of their life they never end up happy. SO....my best advice is to inform your friend and stand back and let it take its course. your only human, and if he can't or won't listen to reason its his own fault. I know that what i'm saying may appear callous, but sometimes you just gotta give some tough love.

I see what you're saying, I don't find it cold at all.

[Rhodmhire]

Scary. I wish him well.

Thank you.

And yes it is scary. For both of us.

[Lapse]

This depends on his relationship with his parents, but the other option that could work would be talk to his parents. Let them know what he has said to you and they will talk to him. Parents are good at talking to their kids, regardless to what teenagers might think. And he of course, as a 15 year old boy, is going to be far to embarrased to actually initiate this conversation his own parents about it. As Dread Lady Nathicana mentioned, he is telling you because he wants help.

Ultimatly I think there is very little you are going to be able to do yourself. He is either going to get over it or he is going to keep on whinging about it. You have tried everything you can to help him get over it, so now it is someone elses turn.

Apperantly, and this I am not sure about at all, his parents aren't real close to him. He talked about his father abusing him. I don't know about it, I will never bring it up, it'll make him go over the top. But I can't confirm or deny it.

Either way, he doesn't seem to have a strong parent-child relationship going on. Another partial reason I've strayed away from talking to his parents, I don't know how they'd respond. If they'd get him help and show compassion, or if they'd ignore it, or take action that'd make it worse.

I think it may have even contributed to this whole suicide thinking he's had.

Has he got any mentor figures in his life? Teachers, religious leaders, relatives etc?

Where abouts do you live is another question? I think in Australia atleast there is a number you can call and get advice on this sort of thing from a professional. I imagine there would be a similar set up in most other countries (government or non government organisations)

[Saige Dragon]

Apperantly, and this I am not sure about at all, his parents aren't real close to him. He talked about his father abusing him. I don't know about it, I will never bring it up, it'll make him go over the top. But I can't confirm or deny it.

Either way, he doesn't seem to have a strong parent-child relationship going on. Another partial reason I've strayed away from talking to his parents, I don't know how they'd respond. If they'd get him help and show compassion, or if they'd ignore it, or take action that'd make it worse.

I think it may have even contributed to this whole suicide thinking he's had.

If that's the case, go to Child Help Services or whatever the equivalent is where you are. He needs help from a professional ASAP (not that you're not helping, you are his friend and that is a world of help ).

[Kusatsu]

Next time he brings it up, kick his ass. Then get him good and drunk and take him to a strip club in a questionable part of town.

If he is anything like me, he would commit suicide if he heard such a thing would occur to him.

But that's just me.

And probably just me.

[Parthenon]

Hate to say it but if he really wanted to off himself he would already be dead, seems to just be looking for attention. My answer? Let him do what he wants. Getting involved will just make you feel guilty if it turns out wrong.

[Rhodmhire]

Next time he brings it up, kick his ass. Then get him good and drunk and take him to a strip club in a questionable part of town.

If he is anything like me, he would commit suicide if he heard such a thing would occur to him.

But that's just me.

And probably just me.

Most likely, although I'm probably not one to determine that.

[Rhodmhire]

Hate to say it but if he really wanted to off himself he would already be dead, seems to just be looking for intention. My answer? Let him do what he wants, getting involved will just make you feel guilty if it turns out wrong.

That's why at the end of practically, more so every single talk I've had with him about this, I've always told him he's in control, not me.

And I'd probably feel guilty either way if he actually did it. One way for trying and failing, the other way for not trying as hard or just not at all and letting it happen.

Thanks, your advice is appreciated.

[Sarkhaan]

get him out. Go somewhere...I recall that you're from MA...I don't know what part, but one night, drag him out. Tell him "We're going somewhere. Trust me". If you are in the Boston area, say, 6:00. Drive him out to the cape or Hampton Beach up in NH. (Berkshires work too, but I don't know them as well). Don't force conversation on the drive. Play some music and just drive to a beach or the mountain. Make sure you get there for sunset. Just sit there. He'll talk if he wants to. Short comments aren't bad to get the ball rolling (you okay man? [replace man with maybe a nickname you have for him. My standard "protective" nickname for all people is "kid"]), but let him control it. Let him know that you're concerned and there when he needs it. that last part is important. Don't force him to talk. Encourage him to get professional help if it is what he wants and needs, but remind him that his friends are there for him.

Coast Guard Beach is a long haul, but any cape beach, or any other beach, works too. Sunset on the beach tends to open people up a bit.

[Rhodmhire]

get him out. Go somewhere...I recall that you're from MA...I don't know what part, but one night, drag him out. Tell him "We're going somewhere. Trust me". If you are in the Boston area, say, 6:00. Drive him out to the cape or Hampton Beach up in NH. (Berkshires work too, but I don't know them as well). Don't force conversation on the drive. Play some music and just drive to a beach or the mountain. Make sure you get there for sunset. Just sit there. He'll talk if he wants to. Short comments aren't bad to get the ball rolling (you okay man? [replace man with maybe a nickname you have for him. My standard "protective" nickname for all people is "kid"]), but let him control it. Let him know that you're concerned and there when he needs it. that last part is important. Don't force him to talk. Encourage him to get professional help if it is what he wants and needs, but remind him that his friends are there for him.

Coast Guard Beach is a long haul, but any cape beach, or any other beach, works too. Sunset on the beach tends to open people up a bit.

You recalled correctly.

However, I did hear a lot of beaches were closed due to some bacteria in the water from all the rain we had here in June. But I don't know the details.

Anyways, thanks for your suggestion. I've been really thinking along the lines of non-forcing encouragement opposed to forceful action. Unless it gets to a point where I have no other choice.

[Grave_n_idle]

For about a month or so now, my good friend Gregory has been talking about suicide.

I've been talking to him online for quite some time, and he'll even mention it sometimes in person. It's over a girl he knows, he's really believing she's the central cause of his life being in seemingly shattered ruins.

At first I talked to him and he seemed like he'd be okay, but it's getting progressively worse.

Personally, at the end of every talk, I'll remind him that I am no person to choose how he handles his situation, I've brought up my experiences, my religious views, my alternative solutions. Nothing I do does anything more than give him a sense of friendship, comfort, and understanding from me, and the next time we talk, he brings suicide up again.

I don't know what to do and I'm very worried.

How serious do you think he is?

If you think he's really serious, tell him to seek professional help.

If he won't - start talking to other friends and his family, and get an intervention happening.

[The Cat-Tribe]

For about a month or so now, my good friend Gregory has been talking about suicide.

I've been talking to him online for quite some time, and he'll even mention it sometimes in person. It's over a girl he knows, he's really believing she's the central cause of his life being in seemingly shattered ruins.

At first I talked to him and he seemed like he'd be okay, but it's getting progressively worse.

Personally, at the end of every talk, I'll remind him that I am no person to choose how he handles his situation, I've brought up my experiences, my religious views, my alternative solutions. Nothing I do does anything more than give him a sense of friendship, comfort, and understanding from me, and the next time we talk, he brings suicide up again.

I don't know what to do and I'm very worried.

1) Get your friend professional help. Period.

2) Don't listen to most of the "advice" -- well-meaning or not-- received in this thread.

[BrightonBurg]

Tell your freind,dont do it! if he kills himself, his enemies win! live!!!

[Kusatsu]

Tell your freind,dont do it! if he kills himself, his enemies win! live!!!

This is by far the best reason not to commit suicide I have ever heard. Thank you my freind, I am cured of my depression. For if I do die, a little bit of the revolution dies with me.

[Gaia Tree]

Tell him to talk to me, I'm good

[Sarkhaan]

get him out. Go somewhere...I recall that you're from MA...I don't know what part, but one night, drag him out. Tell him "We're going somewhere. Trust me". If you are in the Boston area, say, 6:00. Drive him out to the cape or Hampton Beach up in NH. (Berkshires work too, but I don't know them as well). Don't force conversation on the drive. Play some music and just drive to a beach or the mountain. Make sure you get there for sunset. Just sit there. He'll talk if he wants to. Short comments aren't bad to get the ball rolling (you okay man? [replace man with maybe a nickname you have for him. My standard "protective" nickname for all people is "kid"]), but let him control it. Let him know that you're concerned and there when he needs it. that last part is important. Don't force him to talk. Encourage him to get professional help if it is what he wants and needs, but remind him that his friends are there for him.

Coast Guard Beach is a long haul, but any cape beach, or any other beach, works too. Sunset on the beach tends to open people up a bit.

You recalled correctly.

However, I did hear a lot of beaches were closed due to some bacteria in the water from all the rain we had here in June. But I don't know the details.

Anyways, thanks for your suggestion. I've been really thinking along the lines of non-forcing encouragement opposed to forceful action. Unless it gets to a point where I have no other choice.

The water may be closed, but I'm not saying you're going for the standard "beach trip". Don't go in the water...find a jetty and sit on it, or sit on the sand.

This isn't quite "forceful action" a la intervention type thing. It is getting him away...there is really something rejuvinating (yay new age hippy bullshit) about seeing a sunset.

Story time:
You may remember about two years ago there was a fire in South Campus of BU (Kenmore/Fenway area) in which two BU students died. One of them was a friend of mine. I was hit pretty hard by it. Like, true depression hard. She happened to live out in Mashpee. One night, about two weeks later, my friend called me and said "be outside in 10.". I was. I got in his car. Nothing said, just blasting 90's music. We drove from Boston to the cape, and showed up at a beach (I forget which...not far into the cape, but not Buzzards Bay). He parked, and didn't say a word. Got out. I followed. He sat, I sat. Watched the sun set, and he looked at me and said "Kid (yes, he's the one I picked it up from)...you're okay. I promise." and rubbed my head. On the drive home, I poured everything out. Nothing was forced at all. But without that, I wouldn't have been okay for a very long time. It wasn't just sitting with him...he's a great friend, but going out to dinner wouldn't have done the same. It was the fact that during that drive and sunset, we were alone. He didn't force me to talk. The drive down I was just thinking. Nice day, good music, and thinking. Then just sitting in silence...not really knowing why we were there, but having an idea. Then having it confirmed, and knowing I had just spent three hours with a kid who didn't need me to talk about it (as so many did) but knew I was going through hell, and was willing to listen. It was only at that point that I was willing and ready to talk.

Mind you, despite being a city boy, I'm also a nature boy. Waves, sunset, ocean, the cape...they're where I go to recouperate. My friend knew this and acted on it. What worked for me might not work for everyone...but you're hard pressed to find someone who isn't atleast a little bit healed by the power of the ocean.

[Heinleinites]

For if I do die, a little bit of the revolution dies with me.

You know why they call them 'revolutions' don't you? Because they always come around again, and in twenty years, your kids will be singing 'We Shall Overcome' at you, and waving signs indicating your callous indifference to the suffering of fill-in-the-blank-here.

[Rhodmhire]

How serious do you think he is?

If you think he's really serious, tell him to seek professional help.

If he won't - start talking to other friends and his family, and get an intervention happening.

It's hard for me to say. For a while it seemed like an attention thing, it wasn't that big a deal. But it's been going on for a while now, I'd assume if it was just for attention it wouldn't drag on for a month onwards.

I don't know, I'm leaning more towards him being serious opposed to it being just for attention. But again, I'm really not sure, even after him going on with it for as long sa he has.

[Sarkhaan]

For about a month or so now, my good friend Gregory has been talking about suicide.

I've been talking to him online for quite some time, and he'll even mention it sometimes in person. It's over a girl he knows, he's really believing she's the central cause of his life being in seemingly shattered ruins.

At first I talked to him and he seemed like he'd be okay, but it's getting progressively worse.

Personally, at the end of every talk, I'll remind him that I am no person to choose how he handles his situation, I've brought up my experiences, my religious views, my alternative solutions. Nothing I do does anything more than give him a sense of friendship, comfort, and understanding from me, and the next time we talk, he brings suicide up again.

I don't know what to do and I'm very worried.

1) Get your friend professional help. Period.

2) Don't listen to most of the "advice" -- well-meaning or not-- received in this thread.

Very much this. The issue is getting them to seek the professional help so desperatly needed. That is where my advice comes it. It is a good way to get them to accept it without feeling...this is the wrong word, but I'll use it anyway..."attacked"

[Gaia Tree]

It's hard for me to say. For a while it seemed like an attention thing, it wasn't that big a deal. But it's been going on for a while now, I'd assume if it was just for attention it wouldn't drag on for a month onwards.

It's the summer. He has a lot of time to just get lost in his thoughts so the same shit lingers around. I had a nasty breakup last summer and it was dreaful. I was pretty inactive that summer so I spent a lot of days at home just moping about it. Once school started in fall, though, I forgot about it. Keep his mind busy with other thoughts, get him to care about something else.

[Kantria]

The people saying that if he'd be dead if he actually wanted to kill himself are indeed correct. However, that does not by any means mean he's fully committed to not killing himself. His "manipulation" of you is not malicious and he's probably not even aware of what he's doing. He may not really be suicidal, but it sounds like he's definitely feeling depressed. He might get over it, he might not. Depression might be a lifelong struggle, or, like for most people, it might simply fade with time. One thing I do know: being the sole support for someone who's depressed can be very draining and, if it IS a long-term problem, it doesn't offer any real solutions However, I don't think keeping your distance is likely to improve his situation, either. I seriously doubt it would push him over the edge, but I think he would feel that much more isolated. Different people react in different ways, though.

Encourage him to speak with a professional—this is the most important thing to do. Other than that, what I would suggest is to make yourself available to him and to be proactive about spending time with him. Ask him about how he's feeling. Try to empathize with him—imagine yourself in his position. Think about what you would like for a friend to say to you. Most likely, he just wants someone to talk to. He might act like it, but he doesn't want you to solve his problems—he just wants you to understand them. If you give him advice, you need to be extremely careful about what you say, or he might interpret it as an attack or a criticism, which may alienate him, so I wouldn't offer any, beyond my first suggestion. I also think that trying to talk him out of killing himself is merely an attempt to treat a symptom (suicidal thinking) of the problem (depression) rather than the problem itself. He needs to feel better before he completely gets that out of his mind.

I'll end this by saying that there are people in the world who will say almost anything for attention and it's certainly possible your friend is one of them. They, too, however, are in need of psychological help, but it's MUCH harder to convince them to seek it. Above all, though I completely understand that you feel it is, remember that none of this is your fault. It isn't his, either, and not the girl's. Emotions and even thoughts can be difficult for some people to keep under control. It's one of the unfortunate aspects of the human condition. Most can cope. Some can't.

I hope your friend can manage to pull himself out of this.

[Conserative Morality]

Wow... I hope everything turns out alright.