My Friend is Pondering Suicide...

[Rhodmhire]

For about a month or so now, my good friend Gregory has been talking about suicide.

I've been talking to him online for quite some time, and he'll even mention it sometimes in person. It's over a girl he knows, he's really believing she's the central cause of his life being in seemingly shattered ruins.

At first I talked to him and he seemed like he'd be okay, but it's getting progressively worse.

Personally, at the end of every talk, I'll remind him that I am no person to choose how he handles his situation, I've brought up my experiences, my religious views, my alternative solutions. Nothing I do does anything more than give him a sense of friendship, comfort, and understanding from me, and the next time we talk, he brings suicide up again.

I don't know what to do and I'm very worried.

[South Lorenya]

Unfortunately, I don't really know how to help; all I can tell you is that quoting religious statements will NOT help.

[Bryn Shander]

Next time he brings it up, kick his ass. Then get him good and drunk and take him to a strip club in a questionable part of town.

He'll be just fine afterward.

Trust me. I'm a doctor.

[Rhodmhire]

Unfortunately, I don't really know how to help; all I can tell you is that quoting religious statements will NOT help.

All I told him was that if he wanted my opinion, whether you believe there's a God or not out there, that you have a purpose in life. To that I added that I believe there's something greater than I am out there, something out there that I may not understand all too well, but I understand enough to know that it installs a sense of purpose in me.

I wasn't trying to convert him...and I didn't quote any "religious statements..."

[Triniteras2]

Was your friend ever really alive?

[SaintB]

Tell him he shouldn't get all bent out of shape because of one horrible experience with a woman; bad things happen all the time and the only thing you can do is move on further and try to make something out of what you have.

[Lapse]

There are experienced profesionals that deal with this. Encourage him to see one of them. Feeling depressed nothing to be embarrassed about, and can be treated (not just by doping, but by alternative therapies).

Honestly, you sound like a good friend, but you should not be put in this postition by someone that regards you as a friend. It does seem to me a bit that he may be trying to manipulate you to get attention. I understand your predicament and have been in it myself. It is tricky because on one hand you can be 95% sure they are just manipulating you, but there is the 5% doubt of what if they are serious?

[Rhodmhire]

Next time he brings it up, kick his ass. Then get him good and drunk and take him to a strip club in a questionable part of town.

He'll be just fine afterward.

Trust me. I'm a doctor.

He's younger than me, he's 15 going on 16 in September. If you want both of us to get arrested, I'll say it was doctor's orders.

Sorry, I know it was probably a joke, it's just been making me uneasy lately, a lot of my bickering and stress on NS is partially due to this whole thing.

[Bryn Shander]

Next time he brings it up, kick his ass. Then get him good and drunk and take him to a strip club in a questionable part of town.

He'll be just fine afterward.

Trust me. I'm a doctor.

He's younger than me, he's 15 going on 16 in September. If you want both of us to get arrested, I'll say it was doctor's orders.

Sorry, I know it was probably a joke, it's just been making me uneasy lately, a lot of my bickering and stress on NS is partially due to this whole thing.

What, you kids don't have fake IDs or older friends these days? Goddamned whippersnappers...

Just remember one important thing, and make sure he remembers it too. Bros before hoes.

[South Lorenya]

Unfortunately, I don't really know how to help; all I can tell you is that quoting religious statements will NOT help.

All I told him was that if he wanted my opinion, whether you believe there's a God or not out there, that you have a purpose in life. To that I added that I believe there's something greater than I am out there, something out there that I may not understand all too well, but I understand enough to know that it installs a sense of purpose in me.

I wasn't trying to convert him...and I didn't quote any "religious statements..."

I've had times when I was quite depressed before. Trust me, you don't want to tempt him into trying to prove your religious beliefs wrong.

[Rhodmhire]

There are experienced profesionals that deal with this. Encourage him to see one of them. Feeling depressed nothing to be embarrassed about, and can be treated (not just by doping, but by alternative therapies).

Honestly, you sound like a good friend, but you should not be put in this postition by someone that regards you as a friend. It does seem to me a bit that he may be trying to manipulate you to get attention. I understand your predicament and have been in it myself. It is tricky because on one hand you can be 95% sure they are just manipulating you, but there is the 5% doubt of what if they are serious?

I wanted to bring up therapy, but I didn't know, nor do I currently know of his history with therapists, or past depressions.

I kind of strayed away from it, and encouraged him to talk to his parents. I didn't want to be the one to make him sound insane or more depressed than he thought, or currently thinks.

If it gets to a point though, I'll probably recommend therapy.

[Dread Lady Nathicana]

What words you use depends entirely on what he believes is helpful. If he's of a religious bent, then religious assistance isn't amiss. Assure him you're there for him, assure him there are loads of others who care and want to help, all those supportive sorts of things.

Bottom line is, you need to impress on him the importance of getting some real help, real soon. The very fact he's talking to you about it indicates he wants help. If he didn't, he'd have likely gone through with it already.

Professional help, soon. If not now. And if you're worried enough, call someone yourself and ask what can be done.

And ignore BS there. His comment above is decidedly unhelpful - as you've no doubt figured out for yourself.

[Rhodmhire]

I've had times when I was quite depressed before. Trust me, you don't want to tempt him into trying to prove your religious beliefs wrong.

I see what you're saying, I'm not the type who thinks religion is the solution to every little problem in the entire world.

He also respects my religious beliefs, mainly because I rarely bring it up for him to question. And when I do, I'm as sincere as I can be.

[Saige Dragon]

He's younger than me, he's 15 going on 16 in September.

If that's the case, talk to his parents or legal guardian. Tell them exactly what is going on and that you are concerned about your friend and the potential choices he is considering.

[Thethunderdome]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are people more qualified to talk to about this than NSG

maybe I'm just batshit insane

[Rhodmhire]

What words you use depends entirely on what he believes is helpful. If he's of a religious bent, then religious assistance isn't amiss. Assure him you're there for him, assure him there are loads of others who care and want to help, all those supportive sorts of things.

Bottom line is, you need to impress on him the importance of getting some real help, real soon. The very fact he's talking to you about it indicates he wants help. If he didn't, he'd have likely gone through with it already.

Professional help, soon. If not now. And if you're worried enough, call someone yourself and ask what can be done.

And ignore BS there. His comment above is decidedly unhelpful - as you've no doubt figured out for yourself.

After seeing "hoes" after glancing through BS's comment I kind ignored it before I even read it in detail.

Thanks for your advice.

[Sanctus-Terra]

Sit him down, watch some TV together. Minimal talk, like asking him if he wants something from the fridge. When he is relaxed after watching some TV, tell him that he can't let one woman destroy his life like this. Remind him of all the people who he would hurt if he did go down the path of suicide, and how it would be because of just one woman. Tell him to not get bent out of shape because of this. Watch Lord of the Rings after this.

[SaintB]

Just remember one important thing, and make sure he remembers it too. Bros before hoes.

Humanity before garden implements any day!

[The Requiem of Shadow]

He's lacking emotion is what... You can convince him to think about who's doing it, and tell him to get angry at her for making him think this or himself for being so weak.
This way, though, has its... repercussions...

[Rhodmhire]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are people more qualified to talk to about this than NSG

maybe I'm just batshit insane

I've been on NSG long enough to know there are some highly intellectual folks, as well as people with good advice and suggestions/alternatives.

This isn't my first resort, I wanted to bring it up to see other ideas/alternatives.

I've had a hard time with this, it's been on the top of my mind, I decided why not see what the NSG community has to say. No harm in that.

And you're not batshit insane.

[Lapse]

There are experienced profesionals that deal with this. Encourage him to see one of them. Feeling depressed nothing to be embarrassed about, and can be treated (not just by doping, but by alternative therapies).

Honestly, you sound like a good friend, but you should not be put in this postition by someone that regards you as a friend. It does seem to me a bit that he may be trying to manipulate you to get attention. I understand your predicament and have been in it myself. It is tricky because on one hand you can be 95% sure they are just manipulating you, but there is the 5% doubt of what if they are serious?

I wanted to bring up therapy, but I didn't know, nor do I currently know of his history with therapists, or past depressions.

I kind of strayed away from it, and encouraged him to talk to his parents. I didn't want to be the one to make him sound insane or more depressed than he thought, or currently thinks.

If it gets to a point though, I'll probably recommend therapy.

This depends on his relationship with his parents, but the other option that could work would be talk to his parents. Let them know what he has said to you and they will talk to him. Parents are good at talking to their kids, regardless to what teenagers might think. And he of course, as a 15 year old boy, is going to be far to embarrased to actually initiate this conversation his own parents about it. As Dread Lady Nathicana mentioned, he is telling you because he wants help.

Ultimatly I think there is very little you are going to be able to do yourself. He is either going to get over it or he is going to keep on whinging about it. You have tried everything you can to help him get over it, so now it is someone elses turn.

[Rhodmhire]

He's lacking emotion is what... You can convince him to think about who's doing it, and tell him to get angry at her for making him think this or himself for being so weak.
This way, though, has its... repercussions...

Honestly, I think he's already angry at her. He's showing emotions, but I think he's bottled them up for too long.

To give a sense of my own experiences, I had a shit load of problems as a kid. And when I finally talked to my parents, it all came down to me having experiences with other kids or at school or after school, and not talking about them. Bottling them up until I burst.

I think it's what's happening with him, I've mentioned it before, he sort of related to it.

I just can't get through to him, he's so obsessed with this girl. It's really hard for me, I want to talk to his parents or some professional, but I'm almost prone to believe he's just doing it for attention, or just overreacting.

I don't know which, one of the main concerns for me is making a big mistake in judgement.

[Surote]

Get him to a therpist stat

[Rhodmhire]

This depends on his relationship with his parents, but the other option that could work would be talk to his parents. Let them know what he has said to you and they will talk to him. Parents are good at talking to their kids, regardless to what teenagers might think. And he of course, as a 15 year old boy, is going to be far to embarrased to actually initiate this conversation his own parents about it. As Dread Lady Nathicana mentioned, he is telling you because he wants help.

Ultimatly I think there is very little you are going to be able to do yourself. He is either going to get over it or he is going to keep on whinging about it. You have tried everything you can to help him get over it, so now it is someone elses turn.

Apperantly, and this I am not sure about at all, his parents aren't real close to him. He talked about his father abusing him. I don't know about it, I will never bring it up, it'll make him go over the top. But I can't confirm or deny it.

Either way, he doesn't seem to have a strong parent-child relationship going on. Another partial reason I've strayed away from talking to his parents, I don't know how they'd respond. If they'd get him help and show compassion, or if they'd ignore it, or take action that'd make it worse.

I think it may have even contributed to this whole suicide thinking he's had.

[Pax Ordo]

For about a month or so now, my good friend Gregory has been talking about suicide.

I've been talking to him online for quite some time, and he'll even mention it sometimes in person. It's over a girl he knows, he's really believing she's the central cause of his life being in seemingly shattered ruins.

At first I talked to him and he seemed like he'd be okay, but it's getting progressively worse.

Personally, at the end of every talk, I'll remind him that I am no person to choose how he handles his situation, I've brought up my experiences, my religious views, my alternative solutions. Nothing I do does anything more than give him a sense of friendship, comfort, and understanding from me, and the next time we talk, he brings suicide up again.

I don't know what to do and I'm very worried.

Well, In a way she probably is the reason. I say this because someone once said " I think therefore i am." He sees her as the major reason than to him she will be the major reason. I don't mean to sound cold, but we each hold the power in our own hands to shape our own lives. We do it every single day. Once your friend realizes that he is the one who makes his life what he wishes and not she. He should be ok. I speak from a unique perspective, I've been on both sides of this coin. The last time i didn't go through with it because one person cared, and the thought of her crying over my actions hurting her stopped me from doing it. Now i've also been in your shoes. I've made people aware that its their life. they are in control, and if they let other people control the outcome of their life they never end up happy. SO....my best advice is to inform your friend and stand back and let it take its course. your only human, and if he can't or won't listen to reason its his own fault. I know that what i'm saying may appear callous, but sometimes you just gotta give some tough love.