The United States vs Vatican City - Who would win?

[Sierra Lobo]

Vatican City cos of internal rebel in United States itself and also refusal to fire by troops. And also president would be soon assassinated thanks to gun culture of Americans.

I doubt many Catholics under forty would rebel against the U.S. government for that.

you forget the massive catholic population south to the border.

[Farnhamia]

All we do is dress some Special Ops guys up like tourists and ... ta-da! The Pope's on a plane headed for Gitmo.

Of course it's silly. The whole thread is silly.

He does kind've have security for things like that. Y'know, Italian police, Papal police, non-ceremonial Swiss Guard (as in, guys wearing proper kevlar CBA and carrying guns). Makes it rather difficult to kidnap him.

The Italians can be dealt with by parading a bevy of good-looking women past them. Then the disguised Green Berets overcome the ceremonial Swiss Guards, take their uniforms, infiltrate the Vatican ...

[Draconikus]

Vatican City cos of internal rebel in United States itself and also refusal to fire by troops. And also president would be soon assassinated thanks to gun culture of Americans.

I doubt many Catholics under forty would rebel against the U.S. government for that.

Granted, perhaps not a high percentage, but I feel I must point out that the 'Bible Belt' got it's name for a reason. Hard to run a country when a significant portion of your landmass is in the hands of separatists.

[The Parkus Empire]

you forget the massive catholic population south to the border.

What about it? You mean to tell me it would come charging through the desert with pitchforks?

[Farnhamia]

I doubt many Catholics under forty would rebel against the U.S. government for that.

you forget the massive catholic population south to the border.

You mean all those people who keep trying to come here to work? What about them?

[The Parkus Empire]

Granted, perhaps not a high percentage, but I feel I must point out that the 'Bible Belt' got it's name for a reason. Hard to run a country when a significant portion of your landmass is in the hands of separatists.

Most of the "Bible Belt" vehemently hates the Vatican, and would probably applaud such an invasion.

[Farnhamia]

Granted, perhaps not a high percentage, but I feel I must point out that the 'Bible Belt' got it's name for a reason. Hard to run a country when a significant portion of your landmass is in the hands of separatists.

Most of the "Bible Belt" vehemently hates the Vatican, and would probably applaud such an invasion.

Exactly. Your stereotypical "Bible Belt" denizen is most assuredly not a Catholic.

[Cosmopoles]

I remember that. Didn't the Swiss Guards capture Garibaldi and Count Cavour and imprison them in the Castel Gandolpho for, like, 20 years?

That's the one. Its the main reason why Italy currently comprises of smaller territories like Piedmont, Lombardy, Tuscany, Venice, Naples and of course the Papal States rather than a united country with the Pope only presiding over a token territory.

[Farnhamia]

I remember that. Didn't the Swiss Guards capture Garibaldi and Count Cavour and imprison them in the Castel Gandolpho for, like, 20 years?

That's the one. Its the main reason why Italy currently comprises of smaller territories like Piedmont, Lombardy, Tuscany, Venice, Naples and of course the Papal States rather than a united country with the Pope only presiding over a token territory.

Of course, Napoleon III was grateful when the Pope sent his victorious armies to France to throw back the Prussians, and to lead an uprising of Catholic Bavaria against the Hohenzollerns.

Have you ever read Hadrian the Seventh? It's a little dense and a tad over-wrought but it's also a wonderful fantasy of a resurgent Papacy.

[Draconikus]

I agree, why is the US immediately the one assumed at fault? Globalization has its ups and downs, but at least it has ups. The Catholicization of Africa has damaged it more than any neoconservative imperial policies have. With sectarian violence, AIDS, polio, witch-hunts and oversized familial poverty plaguing the continent so that the Pope can extend his palaces like some sick game of Dwarf Fortress, the Iraq War and Globalization seem almost (ironically) saintly compared...

Assuming sectarian violence means something similar to religious conflicts, you can't lay the blame squarely on Catholicism there. 'It takes two to tango', as they say.
AIDS wouldn't spread if people stuck to the 'one man, one woman' section as regards to sex (granted there are other methods it can spread, but I don't see how the Church can affect those). Witch hunts? Closest I can come up with is the slaughter of albinos, and as I recall, that is for native medicine men and tribal beleifs. If say, they took the word of the Church, said thing wouldn't happen. Polio? Source please.
As for the oversized family thing - where in the Bible does it say that 'thou shalt have many, many children as part of your religious duties'?
How did the Church make that worse?

[Draconikus]

He does kind've have security for things like that. Y'know, Italian police, Papal police, non-ceremonial Swiss Guard (as in, guys wearing proper kevlar CBA and carrying guns). Makes it rather difficult to kidnap him.

The Italians can be dealt with by parading a bevy of good-looking women past them. Then the disguised Green Berets overcome the ceremonial Swiss Guards, take their uniforms, infiltrate the Vatican ...

Riiight.... And no one notices that the guards who are there for show (hence ceremonial) are leaving their posts and heading towards security sensitive areas of the Vatican? Security alert in less than five minutes.

[Sierra Lobo]

you forget the massive catholic population south to the border.

What about it? You mean to tell me it would come charging through the desert with pitchforks?

The US cant even secure her borders in peacetime, do you expect they will do better.

[Farnhamia]

The Italians can be dealt with by parading a bevy of good-looking women past them. Then the disguised Green Berets overcome the ceremonial Swiss Guards, take their uniforms, infiltrate the Vatican ...

Riiight.... And no one notices that the guards who are there for show (hence ceremonial) are leaving their posts and heading towards security sensitive areas of the Vatican? Security alert in less than five minutes.

Nope, we cleverly disabled the Vatican communications system.

Okay, better idea: the US guys are dressed like seminarians. No one would even look at them twice.

[The Parkus Empire]

Riiight.... And no one notices that the guards who are there for show (hence ceremonial) are leaving their posts and heading towards security sensitive areas of the Vatican? Security alert in less than five minutes.

This time on Deadliest Warrior: Swiss Pikeman vs. M1 Abrahams!

[United Gackle]

Agreed, this is very stupid since the Vatican doesn't really have a military.

[The Parkus Empire]

What about it? You mean to tell me it would come charging through the desert with pitchforks?

The US cant even secure her borders in peacetime, do you expect they will do better.

I'm still not seeing much of a threat, here.

[Farnhamia]

What about it? You mean to tell me it would come charging through the desert with pitchforks?

The US cant even secure her borders in peacetime, do you expect they will do better.

We'd offer them all jobs and thank them for bringing their own tools.

[The Parkus Empire]

We'd offer them all jobs and thank them for bringing their own tools.

That'd probably work.

[Kaffekopp]

Here is a scenario that could result in an attack from the US on the Vatican:

The pope orders a new holy war, a crusade, to retake the holy land.
To retake the holy land by removing the jews and muslims that lives in the area.

Since the United States is controlled by jews, there would probably be an all out pre-emptive attack within hours.

[The Alma Mater]

Agreed, this is very stupid since the Vatican doesn't really have a military.

It does however have 1 billion soldiers already living all over the world, on key positions in societies.

[Farnhamia]

We'd offer them all jobs and thank them for bringing their own tools.

That'd probably work.

Indeed.

I think the Swiss Guards are reasonably well-armed and well trained, it's just that there aren't very many of them and they have no armor or air support.

[Draconikus]

Riiight.... And no one notices that the guards who are there for show (hence ceremonial) are leaving their posts and heading towards security sensitive areas of the Vatican? Security alert in less than five minutes.

Nope, we cleverly disabled the Vatican communications system.

Okay, better idea: the US guys are dressed like seminarians. No one who even look at them twice.

US Special Forces undercover as priests? I don't know why, but I find that amusing for some reason....
I'll give that one a moderate chance of succes, seeing as how I would have to know a little more than the basics of the Vatican security system to rate it properly , and they don't seem to give that out on the web.

[The Parkus Empire]

Here is a scenario that could result in an attack from the US on the Vatican:

The pope orders a new holy war, a crusade, to retake the holy land.
To retake the holy land by removing the jews and muslims that lives in the area.

Since the United States is controlled by jews, there would probably be an all out pre-emptive attack within hours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9DHgnKeAxo

[The Parkus Empire]

It does however have 1 billion soldiers already living all over the world, on key positions in societies.

1 billion able-bodied Catholics who are willing to sacrifice their lives for an asshole? No, it does not.

[Farnhamia]

Nope, we cleverly disabled the Vatican communications system.

Okay, better idea: the US guys are dressed like seminarians. No one who even look at them twice.

US Special Forces undercover as priests? I don't know why, but I find that amusing for some reason....
I'll give that one a moderate chance of succes, seeing as how I would have to know a little more than the basics of the Vatican security system to rate it properly , and they don't seem to give that out on the web.

Well, they wouldn't, would they? I know that the Vatican Security and Intelligence section used to be run by this guy:

But I heard he retired, so it's hard to say how effective they are nowadays.