Microbe Tragedy

[Vitaphone Racing]

Hundreds of billions of oil eating microbes are being washed ashore as their food supply dwindles. After weeks of an abundant food supply microbes are starving to death. Thousands of starving microbes have been scooped up by rescue workers but their efforts are falling short. "Its almost like a cruel joke" says Jordan Parnell rescue team leader. "These poor microbes were basically told hey there is plenty of food go ahead and multiply" "Now that the oil is disappearing they are dying by the billions."

Scientist are discussing a balance between oil and water, something that would support both fish and oil eating microbes. "It all comes down to deciding how many dolphins and tuna the earth needs compared to the microbes." say marine biologist Madison Forrest. "We think a few million fish pales in comparison to hundreds of billions of microbes." A partial uncapping of the well has been considered. BP spokesman Justin Stroud doesn't understand all the fuss. "We here at BP are sensitive to all marine life but these microbes were not here before the spill." "I don't claim to understand the balance of life in the sea but a bunch of dead germs seems insignificant to me."

Local animal activist groups have sprang into action. "The fact that BP called them germs proves they don't know nothing, they didn't asked to be borned" said a local protester. Many vigils were held at various locations on the beach. The event is already being called the microbe massacre by many. One woman on her knees sobbingly said "I lost my parrot last week, this is about to put me over the edge" Even though match boxes are being used as coffins each one is considered a mass grave.

Where is Sea Shepard now? Microbes surely have rights too! Damn BP for cleaning up their mess!


MODEDIT: VR, when you do a C&P job, two things are required: your own take on the content, and a link to the source. Otherwise it's spam at best and plagiarism at worst. Fortunately for you, Natapoc to the rescue:

The (unsourced) original seems to be here: http://gameknot.com/club-fm.pl?club=401&th=11045

[Vetalia]

The solution is obviously to dump oil in to the Gulf on a continuous basis.

[Unilisia]

The solution is obviously to dump oil in to the Gulf on a continuous basis.

LOL

[Norstal]

I hope this was a satire.

btw, link please?

[Rolamec]

I hope this was a satire.

I hope so too, but I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't.

[Ravea]

Microbe Tragedy would be a great band name.

[SaintB]

I laughed.

[Greed and Death]

BP claim denial response #203 feeding oil eating microbes is not a crime and does not constitute negligence.

[Rambhutan]

Please support Bug Aid, I am writing a charity song and everything...

[Rumbria]

This is why, as of this day, I am forming an organisation called PETA!

People for the Ethical Treatment of Amoebas!!!!!

[Maurepas]

Wouldn't it be more appropriate to fight this battle somewhere that likes PETA? I hear Washington State's ripe for the spilling, >_>


I kid, I kid, =P

[Anbrig]

This is why, as of this day, I am forming an organisation called PETA!

People for the Ethical Treatment of Amoebas!!!!!

I would so join that organisation.

[The Alma Mater]

The solution is obviously to dump oil in to the Gulf on a continuous basis.

Fun fact of the day:
Many ships used to have special installations on board to dump oil in sea - because "It calmed the sea down". Thanks to the oil storms would not cause big waves - making it far easier for the ships to move

[Daistallia 2104]

I hope this was a satire.

Certainly sounds like it's straight out of the Onion.

btw, link please?

Indeed.

[Natapoc]

Where is Sea Shepard now? Microbes surely have rights too! Damn BP for cleaning up their mess!

Animal rights activists do not object to the killing of bacteria because bacteria are non sentient.

Plants, bacteria, fungus, ect have no neurons and no neurons that are specialized to sensation thus they are fundamentally different from animals like us in an obvious and non arbitrary way.

Such a distinction is not possible to make between animals and humans. It is very basic logic really.

Rocks have no sensation and don't thus are not interested in if they are part of a rock wall or part of a road or just sitting on the ground. Microbes likewise lacking a neurological system do not have interests.

Animals and other humans HAVE a neurological system and DO have interests.

Intellectually dishonest strawmen are psychological defense mechanisms which you use to keep yourself from learning from or actually thinking about your opponents real viewpoints.

You don't have to agree but mocking a viewpoint that no one seriously holds or an intentional misunderstanding of a philosophy is useless to you except as a means to shield yourself from having to think.

This of course does not negate ecological arguments for keeping microbes and plant life healthy and plentiful.

[Nobel Hobos]

Hundreds of billions of oil eating microbes are being washed ashore as their food supply dwindles. After weeks of an abundant food supply microbes are starving to death. Thousands of starving microbes have been scooped up by rescue workers but their efforts are falling short. "Its almost like a cruel joke" says Jordan Parnell rescue team leader. "These poor microbes were basically told hey there is plenty of food go ahead and multiply" "Now that the oil is disappearing they are dying by the billions."

Scientist are discussing a balance between oil and water, something that would support both fish and oil eating microbes. "It all comes down to deciding how many dolphins and tuna the earth needs compared to the microbes." say marine biologist Madison Forrest. "We think a few million fish pales in comparison to hundreds of billions of microbes." A partial uncapping of the well has been considered. BP spokesman Justin Stroud doesn't understand all the fuss. "We here at BP are sensitive to all marine life but these microbes were not here before the spill." "I don't claim to understand the balance of life in the sea but a bunch of dead germs seems insignificant to me."

Local animal activist groups have sprang into action. "The fact that BP called them germs proves they don't know nothing, they didn't asked to be borned" said a local protester. Many vigils were held at various locations on the beach. The event is already being called the microbe massacre by many. One woman on her knees sobbingly said "I lost my parrot last week, this is about to put me over the edge" Even though match boxes are being used as coffins each one is considered a mass grave.

Where is Sea Shepard now? Microbes surely have rights too! Damn BP for cleaning up their mess!

Link ? I'm guessing it's The Onion.

[Natapoc]

Link ? I'm guessing it's The Onion.

The (unsourced) original seems to be here: http://gameknot.com/club-fm.pl?club=401&th=11045

[Nazis in Space]

Animal rights activists do not object to the killing of bacteria because bacteria are non sentient.

Plants, bacteria, fungus, ect have no neurons and no neurons that are specialized to sensation thus they are fundamentally different from animals like us in an obvious and non arbitrary way.

I'm afraid that this is partially incorrect. Sure, unicellular organisms and plants lack neurons, but that just means that they lack a specific means to experience sensations. This does not, in fact, mean that they do not experience any sensations at all.

The opposite is true. Microbes, just as plants, can, to various degrees, detect light, heat, cold, various chemicals, etc. They can detect when they're being attacked, and engage in specific responses to such threats. They can communicate with each other (Plants through the release of chemicals into the air, warning each other of nearby threats. No, seriously. And microorganisms frequently form essentially social colonies as a reaction to environmental conditions - in the end following a ommunity-issued call to flock together. They've also been observed forming hunting parties - while they lack the intricate social behaviour of a wolf pack, cooperative foraging, 'Teamwork' is, simply, an observed feat. Of bacteria).

Just because they don't experience sensations such as pain in exactly the same way you experience them doesn't mean they don't experience them at all. They do. They just do so a little differently than you do.

That you're comparing lifeforms seeking nutrition and replication to 'Rocks' is rather telling of your staggering biological ignorance, and reeks of 18th century specieism - humans (+ in your case animals) über alles, everything else is inanimate and exists solely for our use thereof!'. One should've thought that Darwin had put such sillyness to rest, but apparently not.

In any case, where exactly do you put the cut-off of 'Killable' and 'Nooo, it's murder!'? There are animals with no nervous systems whatsoever (Sponges. Though lacking a nervous system doesn't stop them from acting as if they had one when it comes to reacting to external threats. Think about it). There are animals with very simple ones (Jellyfish). There are animals with slightly more advanced ones. And then slightly more advanced ones. And so on. There is no strict boundary, no 'Jump' from 'Not sentient' to 'Sentient'. Just a continuous spectrum of increasingly efficient information analysis and distribution. No matter where you put the cut off, you're going to do an injustice to the next species slightly lower on the bio-computation ladder.

[Natapoc]

Animal rights activists do not object to the killing of bacteria because bacteria are non sentient.

Plants, bacteria, fungus, ect have no neurons and no neurons that are specialized to sensation thus they are fundamentally different from animals like us in an obvious and non arbitrary way.

I'm afraid that this is partially incorrect. Sure, unicellular organisms and plants lack neurons, but that just means that they lack a specific means to experience sensations. This does not, in fact, mean that they do not experience any sensations at all.

The opposite is true. Microbes, just as plants, can, to various degrees, detect light, heat, cold, various chemicals, etc.

They can detect when they're being attacked, and engage in specific responses to such threats. They can communicate with each other (Plants through the release of chemicals into the air, warning each other of nearby threats. No, seriously. And microorganisms frequently form essentially social colonies as a reaction to environmental conditions - in the end following a ommunity-issued call to flock together. They've also been observed forming hunting parties - while they lack the intricate social behaviour of a wolf pack, cooperative foraging, 'Teamwork' is, simply, an observed feat. Of bacteria).

Just because they don't experience sensations such as pain in exactly the same way you experience them doesn't mean they don't experience them at all. They do. They just do so a little differently than you do.

That you're comparing lifeforms seeking nutrition and replication to 'Rocks' is rather telling of your staggering biological ignorance, and reeks of 18th century specieism - humans (+ in your case animals) über alles, everything else is inanimate and exists solely for our use thereof!'. One should've thought that Darwin had put such sillyness to rest, but apparently not.

In any case, where exactly do you put the cut-off of 'Killable' and 'Nooo, it's murder!'? There are animals with no nervous systems whatsoever (Sponges. Though lacking a nervous system doesn't stop them from acting as if they had one when it comes to reacting to external threats. Think about it). There are animals with very simple ones (Jellyfish). There are animals with slightly more advanced ones. And then slightly more advanced ones. And so on. There is no strict boundary, no 'Jump' from 'Not sentient' to 'Sentient'. Just a continuous spectrum of increasingly efficient information analysis and distribution. No matter where you put the cut off, you're going to do an injustice to the next species slightly lower on the bio-computation ladder.

No, it is completely correct. My camera can also detect light. That said, if you really believe that eating a plant is equivalent to eating another person then I suggest adopting a diet similar to that of the Jains, who, for religious reasons agree with you that killing plants is not okay.

I insist that you do one of the following:

1) Admit your argument is flawed.
2) Adopt the lifestyle your argument implies you should adopt so as not to be a hypocrite. (One similar to that practiced by Jains)
3) Admit that you are simply an evil person that would happily torture anyone for your own pleasure as your argument implies you are.

[Ingsocium]

Save the Microbes!

[Tsaraine]

I once read a sci-fi novel in which oil-eating microbes were used to clean up an oil spill ... but, as always happens, Something Went Wrong™ and they started eating anything plastic as well, leading to the Downfall Of Civilization. I'm glad to see that that hasn't happened in the Gulf (yet!). Technology is wonderful, yay for microbes. They died for our sins.

[Nazis in Space]

No, it is completely correct. My camera can also detect light.

Does your camera also react to it, moving towards or away from it, use it to determine its position in the world...? Does it engage in foraging behaviour and self-replicate and/ or procreate? Does it have a sense of self-preservation, fleeing or defending itself when under threat?

That said, if you really believe that eating a plant is equivalent to eating another person then I suggest adopting a diet similar to that of the Jains, who, for religious reasons agree with you that killing plants is not okay.

*raises eyebrow* My, if that is how you interpreted my post, you're probably not the brightest child under the sun.

I insist that you do one of the following:

1) Admit your argument is flawed.
2) Adopt the lifestyle your argument implies you should adopt so as not to be a hypocrite. (One similar to that practiced by Jains)
3) Admit that you are simply an evil person that would happily torture anyone for your own pleasure as your argument implies you are.

So, I heard you're so full of yourself, you're about half a second from bursting. If I may attempt to translate this, you just said...

"IAMRIGHTYOU'REWRONGYOUMASSMURDERINGANIMALHATERMURDERERMURDERERMURDERERIAMRIGHTIAMRIGHTIAMRIGHTANDEVERYBIOLOGISTEVERWHOHASSHOWNTHECOMPLEXINTERACTIONSBETWEENUNICELLULAR
ORGANISMSORTHECONCEPTOFEVOLUTIONTHROUGHGRADUALCHANGEISWRONGLALALALALALALALA"?

I'll admit, I'm quite baffled that apparently, and for some reason, plants being eaten and warning each other of the threat via chemicals released into the air is somehow not evidence of them being clearly able to experience a sensation 'I'm being eaten' (Or 'Pain'), but, lets say, ants doing exactly the same thing totally is.

Your argument 'Only neurons count!' is sort of like saying that 'Only macs count! Personal computers do NOT DO COMPUTING BECAUSE THEY USE A DIFFERENT HARDWARE'.

It is, frankly, not a very convincing argument.

[Zephie]

I cause a bacterial holocaust every time I wash my hands.

[Nobel Hobos]

Natapoc under attack for being too anthropocentric. NSG never ceases to surprise!

[Natapoc]

No, it is completely correct. My camera can also detect light.

Does your camera also react to it, moving towards or away from it, use it to determine its position in the world...? Does it engage in foraging behaviour and self-replicate and/ or procreate? Does it have a sense of self-preservation, fleeing or defending itself when under threat?

That said, if you really believe that eating a plant is equivalent to eating another person then I suggest adopting a diet similar to that of the Jains, who, for religious reasons agree with you that killing plants is not okay.

*raises eyebrow* My, if that is how you interpreted my post, you're probably not the brightest child under the sun.

I insist that you do one of the following:

1) Admit your argument is flawed.
2) Adopt the lifestyle your argument implies you should adopt so as not to be a hypocrite. (One similar to that practiced by Jains)
3) Admit that you are simply an evil person that would happily torture anyone for your own pleasure as your argument implies you are.

So, I heard you're so full of yourself, you're about half a second from bursting. If I may attempt to translate this, you just said...

"IAMRIGHTYOU'REWRONGYOUMASSMURDERINGANIMALHATERMURDERERMURDERERMURDERERIAMRIGHTIAMRIGHTIAMRIGHTANDEVERYBIOLOGISTEVERWHOHASSHOWNTHECOMPLEXINTERACTIONSBETWEENUNICELLULAR
ORGANISMSORTHECONCEPTOFEVOLUTIONTHROUGHGRADUALCHANGEISWRONGLALALALALALALALA"?

I'll admit, I'm quite baffled that apparently, and for some reason, plants being eaten and warning each other of the threat via chemicals released into the air is somehow not evidence of them being clearly able to experience a sensation 'I'm being eaten' (Or 'Pain'), but, lets say, ants doing exactly the same thing totally is.

Your argument 'Only neurons count!' is sort of like saying that 'Only macs count! Personal computers do NOT DO COMPUTING BECAUSE THEY USE A DIFFERENT HARDWARE'.

It is, frankly, not a very convincing argument.

It's really not at all. You are misunderstanding basic biological processes either deliberately or unintentionally. Either way I have no time for such games or to prove each of your fallacious points incorrect.

If you believe plants experience pain then don't eat plants.