Does saying "I love you" matters?

[Jordaxia]

Love or it's definition is beyond the scope of your interest? Can you expand on that, Jordi, please?

Well, the question sounded too clinical for me. 'Why' do we feel love. It's a neurochemical answer, and I'm not especially interested in brain chemistry. But similarly, I'm no spiritualist. I don't know why we feel love, and I'm not really interested why. It's just enough for me that I do. There's other mysteries that hold more value for me to explore.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

But I feel no love and wish to enslave everyone to my will.

That makes you despot. *nod*

End the threadjack.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Love or it's definition is beyond the scope of your interest? Can you expand on that, Jordi, please?

Well, the question sounded too clinical for me. 'Why' do we feel love. It's a neurochemical answer, and I'm not especially interested in brain chemistry. But similarly, I'm no spiritualist. I don't know why we feel love, and I'm not really interested why. It's just enough for me that I do. There's other mysteries that hold more value for me to explore.

Understood then, Jordi.

[Northwest Slobovia]

c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why?

When I tell my wife I love her it makes her all warm and snuggly, and then we have to -- *ahem* PG-13 forum... So, yeah, it matters to me.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why?

When I tell my wife I love her it makes her all warm and snuggly, and then we have to -- *ahem* PG-13 forum... So, yeah, it matters to me.

But does it matters to you because you do love her (sorry if that sounds silly) or because it gets you smex?

[Arzoobia]

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love? Various neurotransmitters in our brains cause us to experience the emotion we know as "love" -- this is done for the purpose of ensuring the continued survival of the species by causing small groups of people (usually two, sometimes more) to join together in strong emotional bonds and knit them into a community capable of supporting itself. A secondary but equally important purpose is to ensure that the species reproduces and continues to exist.

I wonder what gay rights activists would have to say about that.

[Ryadn]

a) Pheromones. Terrible, delicious pheromones.
b) Much as Justice Stewart would define obscenity, I imagine.
c) It matters to me. I'm big on communication, dialog, words. I want to hear it. I want to say it. Actions alone are not enough. That said, words alone are also not enough.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

c) It matters to me. I'm big on communication, dialog, words. I want to hear it. I want to say it. Actions alone are not enough. That said, words alone are also not enough.

Yes, a couple of posters have been saying this. Words and actions combined, those are the best ways to say and show love.

[Ryadn]

Conversely, I haven't said "I love you" to my partner in at least five years. I think we exchanged those words at one point, but then we realized that "I love you" in the romantic sense is a profoundly fucked up expression in our culture, to the point where even the two of us didn't completely agree on what it means.

*therapist voice* Can you tell me more about that?

No, really, I'm interested in how you see it as profoundly fucked up.

[Anti-Social Darwinism]

NSG: CORNINES ALERT!!

Yes, I will go there. This stems from Saint Ivanna's thread: Can you love two people at the same time?. Yes, that greatest of feelings: love. That horrendous feeling (sometimes): love. Love! Poets/musicians/common folk, we all feel it or have felt it. Some, in more than one occasion. It has made us laugh, or cry like miserable cows. It has elated us, or dashed us against the rocks.

But I want to get to heart of the matter and ask, NSG, you craddle of erudition, comedy and innanity:

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love?
b) How would you define love?
c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why?

Finally final (honest this time):

d) Or why it doesn't matter?

NOTE: Try to be serious, please.

a. I could go for the easy out and say that love is a chemical reaction, but that doesn't address why, in some cases, it lasts. So, really, I don't know why we feel it or not.
b. Love is that condition wherein the other person's welfare is more important to us than our own - that's a paraphrase of a quote - I don't remember the source. That pretty much eliminates lust and infatuation, which are transitory and selfish.
c. While hearing the words is nice, I personally prefer actions. If you love me, you don't need to say it, just do those things that demonstrate it. If I love you, I may or may not say it, but I will do those things that demonstrate it. So, no, saying it doesn't matter, really.

[Ryadn]

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love? Various neurotransmitters in our brains cause us to experience the emotion we know as "love" -- this is done for the purpose of ensuring the continued survival of the species by causing small groups of people (usually two, sometimes more) to join together in strong emotional bonds and knit them into a community capable of supporting itself. A secondary but equally important purpose is to ensure that the species reproduces and continues to exist.

I wonder what gay rights activists would have to say about that.

Well, if they were gay rights activists with degrees in anthropology/neuroscience/neurobiology, I imagine they'd say something similar.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Conversely, I haven't said "I love you" to my partner in at least five years. I think we exchanged those words at one point, but then we realized that "I love you" in the romantic sense is a profoundly fucked up expression in our culture, to the point where even the two of us didn't completely agree on what it means.

*therapist voice* Can you tell me more about that?

No, really, I'm interested in how you see it as profoundly fucked up.

All I can think of is that some people may use that phrase, "I love you", to manipulate. That perhaps is what's fucked up about it. But I'll wait on Bottle to answer. Besides that, you addressed this to her. I just jumped in.

[Hairless Kitten II]

I love you, can we now fuck?

[Arzoobia]

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love? Various neurotransmitters in our brains cause us to experience the emotion we know as "love" -- this is done for the purpose of ensuring the continued survival of the species by causing small groups of people (usually two, sometimes more) to join together in strong emotional bonds and knit them into a community capable of supporting itself. A secondary but equally important purpose is to ensure that the species reproduces and continues to exist.

I wonder what gay rights activists would have to say about that.

Well, if they were gay rights activists with degrees in anthropology/neuroscience/neurobiology, I imagine they'd say something similar.

But it seems to me that the argument that love is inextricably linked to reproduction and the survival of the species doesn't really help the LGBT community.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

b. Love is that condition wherein the other person's welfare is more important to us than our own - that's a paraphrase of a quote - I don't remember the source. That pretty much eliminates lust and infatuation, which are transitory and selfish.

Yes, that happens. For me, my SO's welfare is far more important than my own. And although I know this is, in a sense, self-destructive, I need to think of myself too... caring for him is, well, just something I deeply like doing.

[Voltairian Prospects]

I love you, can we now fuck?

Well now... I suppose that really depends

[Lacadaemon]

Don't tell someone you love them, show them.

[Grave_n_idle]

I wonder what gay rights activists would have to say about that.

Well, if they were gay rights activists with degrees in anthropology/neuroscience/neurobiology, I imagine they'd say something similar.

But it seems to me that the argument that love is inextricably linked to reproduction and the survival of the species doesn't really help the LGBT community.

Inextricably linked to the URGE for reproductive acts, rather than being linked to reproduction itself.

There is a big difference between the urge for reproductive acts (which, ultimately, don't have to culminate in reproduction, at all), and the urge for reproduction.

"I want sex, now" is the urge for the reproductive act. "Awwww, so cute. I want a baby" is the urge for reproduction.

[Anti-Social Darwinism]

b. Love is that condition wherein the other person's welfare is more important to us than our own - that's a paraphrase of a quote - I don't remember the source. That pretty much eliminates lust and infatuation, which are transitory and selfish.

Yes, that happens. For me, my SO's welfare is far more important than my own. And although I know this is, in a sense, self-destructive, I need to think of myself too... caring for him is, well, just something I deeply like doing.

In the right context, it's not self-destructive. You care for your SO and watch out for his/her well-being just as he/she cares for you and watches out for yours. There is (I hope) in everyone a sufficient sense of self-protection that, when it becomes evident that the SO is not concerned with our well-being, the feeling of love evaporates and the relationship ends. To be healthy, love cannot remain one-sided. If it remains one-sided, you should have serious doubts about the mental health of the person who continues to give and not receive.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

To be healthy, love cannot remain one-sided. If it remains one-sided, you should have serious doubts about the mental health of the person who continues to give and not receive.

I think I have to ponder this one.

[Colonic Immigration]

I love you, can we now fuck?

Um...no.

[Wustershershershaush]

Ohmigod, a kid asked me why I loved him the other day. I was like, "I. . . .don't know?????!??!!" Wth kind of question is that? Why do I love you? I don't know. *shrug* I just do.

I love a lot of people, and love most of them very deeply, and I love them all in different ways, but it is still love for all of them. I don't know why I love any of them. Love is the greatest of gifts, most people don't deserve it. But isn't that the whole point of a gift? It's something that you give freely and openly, without wanting anything back except for your love to be accepted and appreciated. I've never made a conscious choice to love or not love anyone. Giving gifts is my favorite pastime, and love is the greatest gift I could ever give. So I just love people.

I try not to say "I love you" unless I genuinely do LOVE the person. I have a weird relationship with <3 . I use it more to say "I like you a lot and think you are great." Once I've figured out that I love someone, and said it for the first time, I become kind of annoying and say it all the time. Because I've felt unloved before, and feeling unloved is TERRIBLE and people should never have to suffer it, especially when they ARE loved, deeply, by me.

I love people showing and saying that they love me, but I hate when people say "I love you" when what they mean is "You make me happy" or "You are a lot of fun and I like talking and hanging out with you" or "Whoah you are so sexy!" or "Oh man that was hilarious, you are so witty." Actually it really only bugs me when my crushes say it and I know they don't mean it. But as a rule, I think people should simultaneously be more careful who they say "I love you" to AND tell the people who they do love that they love them much more frequently.

[Ryadn]

I wonder what gay rights activists would have to say about that.

Well, if they were gay rights activists with degrees in anthropology/neuroscience/neurobiology, I imagine they'd say something similar.

But it seems to me that the argument that love is inextricably linked to reproduction and the survival of the species doesn't really help the LGBT community.

1) The LGBT community and its members do not need any biological arguments to back up their assertion that everyone deserves to have equal rights under the law.

2) Reproduction does not end at conception, or even birth. Survival means getting the next generation to adulthood so it can reproduce in kind. Harmony and cooperation are essential for this goal. Bonding, not only in male-female pairs, but in same-sex pairs and groups, furthers this goal. Pansexuality in bonobos promotes bonding, especially among females, reduces tension and aggression, facilitates reconciliation, and eliminates infant-killing (through a somewhat complex process by which female alliances give females power, preventing them from male domination and allowing them to have multiple sexual partners).

So, no, there's no biological conflict at all. Which, as I mentioned in point #1, is really irrelevant to gay rights.

[Saint Clair Island]

I wonder what gay rights activists would have to say about that.

Well, if they were gay rights activists with degrees in anthropology/neuroscience/neurobiology, I imagine they'd say something similar.

But it seems to me that the argument that love is inextricably linked to reproduction and the survival of the species doesn't really help the LGBT community.

I was going to point out that families and such can be created by anyone irrespective of sexuality, et cetera, but Ryadn got it in more detail than I, so I'll just take credit for everything she said.

[Wustershershershaush]

b. Love is that condition wherein the other person's welfare is more important to us than our own - that's a paraphrase of a quote - I don't remember the source. That pretty much eliminates lust and infatuation, which are transitory and selfish.

Yes, that happens. For me, my SO's welfare is far more important than my own. And although I know this is, in a sense, self-destructive, I need to think of myself too... caring for him is, well, just something I deeply like doing.

In the right context, it's not self-destructive. You care for your SO and watch out for his/her well-being just as he/she cares for you and watches out for yours. There is (I hope) in everyone a sufficient sense of self-protection that, when it becomes evident that the SO is not concerned with our well-being, the feeling of love evaporates and the relationship ends. To be healthy, love cannot remain one-sided. If it remains one-sided, you should have serious doubts about the mental health of the person who continues to give and not receive.

To be healthy, a RELATIONSHIP cannot remain one-sided. Staying in a relationship with someone who takes but never gives is unhealthy.

But being in a relationship is not a prerequisite for loving someone. I do not think that my one-sided loves are unhealthy. I do not spend time or energy on people who do not respect me and treat me as I need to be treated. I do not make myself into a doormat to be used and taken advantage of by whomever I have love for. But I have never been able to figure out how to choose who to love, so instead of fighting it - which has in my personal experience been very unhealthy - I have decided to give my love freely and openly. And my love flows as eternally as the river to the sea. I am more reserved with my friendship, time, energy, respect, and even my forgiveness. But there are people who I do not like, who I do not respect, who I have great difficulty forgiving, who I will not spend my time or energy on, because they have proved time and again that all they will do is hurt me - and yet I love them. And I have to say, as someone who doesn't eat particularly well, and doesn't make it a point to work out, loving is probably the healthiest thing I do.