Does saying "I love you" matters?

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

NSG: CORNINES ALERT!!

Yes, I will go there. This stems from Saint Ivanna's thread: Can you love two people at the same time?. Yes, that greatest of feelings: love. That horrendous feeling (sometimes): love. Love! Poets/musicians/common folk, we all feel it or have felt it. Some, in more than one occasion. It has made us laugh, or cry like miserable cows. It has elated us, or dashed us against the rocks.

But I want to get to heart of the matter and ask, NSG, you craddle of erudition, comedy and innanity:

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love?
b) How would you define love?
c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why?

Finally final (honest this time):

d) Or why it doesn't matter?

NOTE: Try to be serious, please.

[JuNii]

seriously?

Never found the person to whom I could utter those three words. (well, outside of my parents)

will I fall in love? experience it?

dunno really. maybe I will... maybe I wont... maybe I already have and just never knew it.

[Belschaft]

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love? / b) How would you define love?
Well, based upon my limited experince love is utterly unquantifiable and unexplainable. One minute you can hate a person, and the next claim to love them, and vice versa. Similarly if we ask people why they love someone I doubt we will ever get a consitent, or definitive answer. It is a matter that is trully personal. Thus my answer is that there can be no one answer, if any at all.

c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why?
Yes it would. If I ever got to the stage with someone where either of us felt we could say that it would represent such a massive step in my life that it would be of unimaginable value to me, and would become a memory to trully remember.

[Voltairian Prospects]

a) because we ARE human and humans have an undying want to feel needed and to have a companion
b) wanting to constantly be with the same person and having,sometimes unexplainable feelings for them.
c) Having someone tell me that they love me is very important to me because I like knowing that there is atleast one person out there that I know that I mean something to :

These are only my opinion however...

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

a) because we ARE human and humans have an undying want to feel needed and to have a companion

Likewise, some people do not feel that need. But you have explained this from your point of view and, as always, I appreciate it.

b) wanting to constantly be with the same person and having,sometimes unexplainable feelings for them.

c) Having someone tell me that they love me is very important to me because I like knowing that there is atleast one person out there that I know that I mean something to :

It's a kind of endearing validation. It just makes me wonder, you know, if to say it is that necessary. Won't feeling it be enough?

[Voltairian Prospects]

a) because we ARE human and humans have an undying want to feel needed and to have a companion

Likewise, some people do not feel that need. But you have explained this from your point of view and, as always, I appreciate it.

b) wanting to constantly be with the same person and having,sometimes unexplainable feelings for them.

c) Having someone tell me that they love me is very important to me because I like knowing that there is atleast one person out there that I know that I mean something to :

It's a kind of endearing validation. It just makes me wonder, you know, if to say it is that necessary. Won't feeling it be enough?

Yeah I know what you mean... I do love to hear it though

[Saint Clair Island]

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love? Various neurotransmitters in our brains cause us to experience the emotion we know as "love" -- this is done for the purpose of ensuring the continued survival of the species by causing small groups of people (usually two, sometimes more) to join together in strong emotional bonds and knit them into a community capable of supporting itself. A secondary but equally important purpose is to ensure that the species reproduces and continues to exist.

b) How would you define love? Love is making a perfect shot to the knees with an Aratech sniper rifle at a hundred and twenty kilome.... sorry. Love is, as already implied, the emotion caused by the presence of the certain neurotransmitters I mentioned already; a strong affection and desire for another individual or individuals, coupled with the drive to establish a home with that individual(s) and reside with them until the emotion fades. To ensure that the community does not break down after a few years, in a healthy relationship the love is frequently renewed to prevent the individuals from parting and threatening the stability of the community.

c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why? It matters to many people because it offers them confirmation that their partner(s) is still willing to remain with them. I can't say it matters particularly to me -- in fact, I would not be particularly happy if my theoretical significant other saw the need to continually remind me of that, or worse, required me to remind them of that; mostly because I see it as a product of the need for acceptance, which in turn stems from basic insecurities that could later endanger a relationship regardless of what words are spoken.

[Yenke-Bin]

Most people I know enjoy positive verbal enforcement. So to say I love you to someone is a good thing, and I think it does matter. But it should also be noted that love is not shown by word alone, but also by deed. I make a habit of telling my girlfriend that I love her quite a few times a day, but I also do things that show her my words are true, such as holding her, rubbing her back, making her dinner, etc.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love? Various neurotransmitters in our brains cause us to experience the emotion we know as "love" -- this is done for the purpose of ensuring the continued survival of the species by causing small groups of people (usually two, sometimes more) to join together in strong emotional bonds and knit them into a community capable of supporting itself. A secondary but equally important purpose is to ensure that the species reproduces and continues to exist.

So the feeling of love, to you, is just a chemical reaction designed for the preservation of the species. No emotional issue there, whatsoever?

b) How would you define love? Love is making a perfect shot to the knees with an Aratech sniper rifle at a hundred and twenty kilome.... sorry. Love is, as already implied, the emotion caused by the presence of the certain neurotransmitters I mentioned already; a strong affection and desire for another individual or individuals, coupled with the drive to establish a home with that individual(s) and reside with them until the emotion fades. To ensure that the community does not break down after a few years, in a healthy relationship the love is frequently renewed to prevent the individuals from parting and threatening the stability of the community.

This reaffirms your initial statement. Moving on.

c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why? It matters to many people because it offers them confirmation that their partner(s) is still willing to remain with them. I can't say it matters particularly to me -- in fact, I would not be particularly happy if my theoretical significant other saw the need to continually remind me of that, or worse, required me to remind them of that; mostly because I see it as a product of the need for acceptance, which in turn stems from basic insecurities that could later endanger a relationship regardless of what words are spoken.

For some reason, I do like saying "I love you". I grew up in a house where my mother would remind me and my brother constantly just how much she loved us. She still does. To me, it seems necessary to say it, although I know some people don't feel that need.

[Bottle]

I think it does matter whether or not you say it.

I think it was very, very important that my parents told me they loved me. They did so often, and were particularly careful to remind me that they loved me even after I'd gotten in trouble. "I'm very angry with you, but I still love you," was a message I heard a lot. It was really important to me because they drove home the concept that you can fight and be angry with somebody and it doesn't mean you've stopped loving them, and that even while you're angry you need to remember that you care about that person.

Conversely, I haven't said "I love you" to my partner in at least five years. I think we exchanged those words at one point, but then we realized that "I love you" in the romantic sense is a profoundly fucked up expression in our culture, to the point where even the two of us didn't completely agree on what it means. So we don't say that to each other. We say plenty of other things to express affection and intimacy, just not "love."

So yeah, I think saying or not saying "I love you" matters, though it can matter for very different reasons.

[Grave_n_idle]

Saying "I love you" matters. But it depends if you mean it, and it depends on what the person you are saying it to thinks.

If you say "I love you" and you don't mean it, but the other person THINKS you do - well, that's dishonst, and someone's going to get hurt eventually.


I have never said it unless I mean it. I think that's a rule you have to follow.

[Lancaster of Wessex]

NSG: CORNINES ALERT!!

Yes, I will go there. This stems from Saint Ivanna's thread: Can you love two people at the same time?. Yes, that greatest of feelings: love. That horrendous feeling (sometimes): love. Love! Poets/musicians/common folk, we all feel it or have felt it. Some, in more than one occasion. It has made us laugh, or cry like miserable cows. It has elated us, or dashed us against the rocks.

But I want to get to heart of the matter and ask, NSG, you craddle of erudition, comedy and innanity:

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love?
b) How would you define love?
c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why?

Finally final (honest this time):

d) Or why it doesn't matter?

NOTE: Try to be serious, please.

You're such a softy.

Love is largely undefinieable and subjective to each person, although the general definition is largely correct.
Saying "I love you" matters a lot; not hearing it stings, hearing it makes your heart sing.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

I think it does matter whether or not you say it.

I think it was very, very important that my parents told me they loved me. They did so often, and were particularly careful to remind me that they loved me even after I'd gotten in trouble. "I'm very angry with you, but I still love you," was a message I heard a lot. It was really important to me because they drove home the concept that you can fight and be angry with somebody and it doesn't mean you've stopped loving them, and that even while you're angry you need to remember that you care about that person.

Exactly. I feel the need to say it because I was brought up by a very caring an dlovable mother. She always told us how much she loved us. To this day she still does, every day. And it means a lot. And because I know it means a lot, it makes those I love feel just how important they are to me, I say it to them. I say it to my mom, my grandmother, my grandfather and I say it, even more so, to my SO.

It validates them. It lets them know I care. And that, that's the most important thing to me, even if they don't say it to me I will say it to them.

[Saint Clair Island]

So the feeling of love, to you, is just a chemical reaction designed for the preservation of the species. No emotional issue there, whatsoever?

No, you misunderstood. It is an emotional issue. But it's an emotion that exists in order to keep humanity going. Emotions don't exist in a vacuum; they have a purpose. That's love's purpose: creating families and facilitating their development.

For some reason, I do like saying "I love you". I grew up in a house where my mother would remind me and my brother constantly just how much she loved us. She still does. To me, it seems necessary to say it, although I know some people don't feel that need.

That's in no way inconsistent with my statement, and fits what I know (or suspect) of you.

I also agree with Bottle in that affirming love is important for children -- although as a child I hated hearing those words, because it continually made me feel guilty that I didn't reciprocate.

[Treznor]

You really don't ask easy questions, do you? I don't see any easy answers rising out of this one.

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love?

Is love a biological construct, to encourage propagation of the species? Is it a social construct to justify the lust we feel for one another and protectiveness we feel toward our young? Is it a spirital construct arising from our souls in recognition of someone we're connected to? Maybe it's all or some of the above, maybe it's none of the above. I can't give you a definitive answer.

I can tell you that I believe love is real, because I feel it. It doesn't matter that no one else can feel what I feel, because it's part of me. I can't explain why it exists for me, as I wouldn't know where to begin.

b) How would you define love?

As a very personal and powerful force in my life. It drives me to talk to someone, to want to be near them, to protect them and encourage them. It runs the range from simple friendship to being a father to immersing myself in my lovers. It is no single, simple thing, but a galaxy of feelings and motivations. We may only recognize a part of it, or most of it, or none at all. Love is what we make of it, because it is distinct and individual for each person.

c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why?

Absolutely. I consider telling someone that I love them to be the highest compliment I can give them. It should be reinforced through word and deed at every opportunity. Of course, that makes me sound like a smothering obsessive, but that's not what I mean. I can say "I love you" in a thousand different ways, from saying three words to anticipating a person's needs. I don't need to focus on desire to demonstrate love, I can simply reinforce the concept that someone is important to me, and worthy of love.

Finally final (honest this time):

d) Or why it doesn't matter?

Can't answer that one. It does matter to me. I think it might not matter to some because they don't recognize it, or because it scares them. Being hurt by love is horrible, and some people either never take the chance or never want to repeat it. Some people like to think themselves above it, or beyond it. I simply can't agree with that.

NOTE: Try to be serious, please.

Well, if you insist.

[Fnordgasm 5]

I tell almost everyone I love them.

It's usually the case.

[Colonic Immigration]

a) Why do we feel/do not feel love?
b) How would you define love?
c) And, finally... does saying "I love you" matters to you and why?

A) never felt it cos... never been with anyone for long enough I suppose
B) hard to say as I've never felt it. I doubt it's like in films.
C)no.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

:blink: You really don't ask easy questions, do you? I don't see any easy answers rising out of this one.

Well, you know me. I can be fastidious when I have a mind to be.

Is love a biological construct, to encourage propagation of the species? Is it a social construct to justify the lust we feel for one another and protectiveness we feel toward our young? Is it a spirital construct arising from our souls in recognition of someone we're connected to? Maybe it's all or some of the above, maybe it's none of the above. I can't give you a definitive answer.

Love is undefinable to you. I guess what matters is that you feel it, definable or not.

I can tell you that I believe love is real, because I feel it. It doesn't matter that no one else can feel what I feel, because it's part of me. I can't explain why it exists for me, as I wouldn't know where to begin.

Yes, it is very real. As real as the air we breathe and as the touch of those we love.

As a very personal and powerful force in my life. It drives me to talk to someone, to want to be near them, to protect them and encourage them. It runs the range from simple friendship to being a father to immersing myself in my lovers. It is no single, simple thing, but a galaxy of feelings and motivations. We may only recognize a part of it, or most of it, or none at all. Love is what we make of it, because it is distinct and individual for each person.

Yes! Yes, that! Immersion of the self in the one you love. Not just immersion of the body, but of the soul. When I am with the one I love, I feel like I cease to be. I melt, I merge into him and I feel joyeous (sp?).

Absolutely. I consider telling someone that I love them to be the highest compliment I can give them. It should be reinforced through word and deed at every opportunity. Of course, that makes me sound like a smothering obsessive, but that's not what I mean. I can say "I love you" in a thousand different ways, from saying three words to anticipating a person's needs. I don't need to focus on desire to demonstrate love, I can simply reinforce the concept that someone is important to me, and worthy of love.

Love, of word and deed. That's the best kind. Our actions speak, sometimes, more than our very words.

Can't answer that one. It does matter to me. I think it might not matter to some because they don't recognize it, or because it scares them. Being hurt by love is horrible, and some people either never take the chance or never want to repeat it. Some people like to think themselves above it, or beyond it. I simply can't agree with that.

Do you think it pretentious of me if I were to say that I wish I could heal those who have been hurt by love?

[Jordaxia]

I can't really answer a. It's beyond the scope of my interest.
b: I define love by the sense of happiness I just generally -feel- when the person I love is around, and by the pain that pulls across my chest in their absence.
c: Having it said to me matters. I don't know how much it matters that I say it to my partners though. I hope they grasp what a big word it is to me and the fullness of what it means, and that they don't think I overuse it out of a sense of insecurity. I guess I might even get an answer to this question if she reads this thread.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

I can't really answer a. It's beyond the scope of my interest.

Love or it's definition is beyond the scope of your interest? Can you expand on that, Jordi, please?

b: I define love by the sense of happiness I just generally -feel- when the person I love is around, and by the pain that pulls across my chest in their absence.

That chest pain, yes... It feels as if everything suddenly stops and turns cold. I get that feeling often. I'm an idiot.

c: Having it said to me matters. I don't know how much it matters that I say it to my partners though. I hope they grasp what a big word it is to me and the fullness of what it means, and that they don't think I overuse it out of a sense of insecurity. I guess I might even get an answer to this question if she reads this thread.

Upon reading this... upon reading other answers to this question, I'm beginning to wonder... can it be that I say too much?

[Treznor]

Well, you know me. I can be fastidious when I have a mind to be.

You don't say.

Love is undefinable to you. I guess what matters is that you feel it, definable or not.

Well, I told you it isn't an easy answer.

Yes! Yes, that! Immersion of the self in the one you love. Not just immersion of the body, but of the soul. When I am with the one I love, I feel like I cease to be. I melt, I merge into him and I feel joyeous (sp?).

I think it's important not to focus exclusively on that. We are incapable of maintaining high levels of emotion forever. We should enjoy it when it happens and savor it when the opportunity arises, but such immersion doesn't happen all the time and that's nobody's fault. Real Life happens, and when it does we have to be patient. Reinforcing love will bring the opportunity to renew the passion over and over again.

At least, it does for me.

Love, of word and deed. That's the best kind. Our actions speak, sometimes, more than our very words.

It's easy to say words. What's important is that we make people believe us. We can't just say it and then act like they're not important to us. If we truly feel it, we'll show it to them as well.

Do you think it pretentious of me if I were to say that I wish I could heal those who have been hurt by love?

Maybe, but even if it is I couldn't say it's a bad thing. I share the feeling.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

I think it's important not to focus exclusively on that. We are incapable of maintaining high levels of emotion forever. We should enjoy it when it happens and savor it when the opportunity arises, but such immersion doesn't happen all the time and that's nobody's fault. Real Life happens, and when it does we have to be patient. Reinforcing love will bring the opportunity to renew the passion over and over again.

Yes, love is like the sea, in some aspects. It can be rabid and violent, akin to love in the beginning staged. Then it calms down. It becomes peaceful love.

It's easy to say words. What's important is that we make people believe us. We can't just say it and then act like they're not important to us. If we truly feel it, we'll show it to them as well.

Yes, as you said, back those words by actions.

Maybe, but even if it is I couldn't say it's a bad thing. I share the feeling.

In that case, I won't feel too bad about it.

[The Scandinvans]

a) because we ARE human and humans have an undying want to feel needed and to have a companion
b) wanting to constantly be with the same person and having,sometimes unexplainable feelings for them.
c) Having someone tell me that they love me is very important to me because I like knowing that there is atleast one person out there that I know that I mean something to :

These are only my opinion however...

What happens if me is an evils sociopath?

[Voltairian Prospects]

a) because we ARE human and humans have an undying want to feel needed and to have a companion
b) wanting to constantly be with the same person and having,sometimes unexplainable feelings for them.
c) Having someone tell me that they love me is very important to me because I like knowing that there is atleast one person out there that I know that I mean something to :

These are only my opinion however...

What happens if me is an evils sociopath?

doesn't matter so am I

[The Scandinvans]

a) because we ARE human and humans have an undying want to feel needed and to have a companion
b) wanting to constantly be with the same person and having,sometimes unexplainable feelings for them.
c) Having someone tell me that they love me is very important to me because I like knowing that there is atleast one person out there that I know that I mean something to :

These are only my opinion however...

What happens if me is an evils sociopath?

doesn't matter so am I

But I feel no love and wish to enslave everyone to my will.