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Why atheists have weak relationships, Christians strong ones

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:53 pm

SaintB wrote:
Our L Lawliet wrote:What if you and I got married, HammyRNOPL? Then it'd be, like, yin and yang.

The true karmic balance, a beautiful and simple yet chaotic and complex reationship!

They would never go for it because that's for a whole different group of sinners.


There's no such thing as Karma. There is only the healing blood of Christ for the remission of sins. You know...dogma.

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:54 pm

Rolamec wrote:Look, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a Christian. But I certainly don't think an atheist or non-religious person is less stable, individually or in a relationship, than anybody else.


Well, I proved its true in the OP, so you're wrong.

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Rolamec
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Postby Rolamec » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:54 pm

Conserative Morality wrote:My God! Why can no one recognize satire this obvious?


Haha, I actually just noticed it when I read over it again.
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Tungookska
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Postby Tungookska » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:54 pm

RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
One of the many ways that Atheism is leading to the degradation of Western civilization and the decline of humanity in general is that Atheists have weak personal relationships, as opposed to the abiding and adamantine bonds between loving Christians.

For example, Christ commands us to love our neighbors, so we do. Christian history is replete with affable coexistence, and to this day, there is not a single border between Christian nations that requires armed guard. From Northern Ireland to the Maginot Line, from Germany to Poland, from Mexico to America, the peace of Christ has rained a fiery barrage of tranquility down upon the blacked-out fortified bunkers of our neighborhoods.

But on a far more important scale, Atheists have particularly failed at the second* most important relationship available to human beings: marriage. Marriage is what brings us together, today. And for Christians, it is a sacred bond, wherein a man is commanded to love and care for his wife and she is commanded to obey and make babies for him. If either fails in this most sacrosanct of duties, Jesus stands ready to punish them with eternal burning and flaying in hell, unless they have asked Jesus to forgive their sins, in which case Jesus just puts information on their credit report resulting in denial of financing for the purchase of appliances at Sears. This results in a truly loving bond.

You atheists have to base your marriages on the specious and tenuous connections of mutual respect, regard, attraction, and happiness in your daily lives. Without the supernatural chains of Heaven to keep you together in an unbreakable state of matrimony, you have to maintain your relationships with nothing but simple humane consideration, self-motivated co-operation, and sinfully experimental sex. You have to decide, every day, to really care for one another, in each moment, for yourselves and for each other. We Christians, on the other hand, stay together because God will spiritually ass-ram us if we divorce. THAT'S what you base a successful relationship on.

I urge all of you atheists here to abandon your willful and damning rejection of God, and if you're married, your spouse should do the same. For women, persuade your man that Jesus is the only way by respectfully requesting that he read the Bible to you. For men, just tell her you're both Christians now.

*(Remember, the most important relationship is between a person and Jesus Christ, their Lord and Savior. Scripturally, the relationship between Christ and his Church is like that of a Groom to his Bride, except Christ's love doesn't taper off a few years after the wedding, becoming emotionally distant and resentful as the Church gains weight (both literal and figurative) with the heaviness of unfulfilled expectation, and eventually Christ forgets to close his IM Chat session with an old girlfriend from high school, and the Church finds it and gets really pissed off, and even though Christ wasn't having an affair with her or anything, and hadn't even really touched her, the Church is angry because its still "emotional intimacy", so then Christ gets fed up with the Church's bullshit and really does have an affair with some 24 year old goth chick who works as a paralegal. Its not like that. Probably.)

Mod edit: Knock off the spam
Last edited by NERVUN on Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

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The Tavan Race
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Postby The Tavan Race » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:55 pm

Lackadaisical2 wrote:
UberWeegeeia wrote:
RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Oh? Why so?

Well, you DID make a statement that was wholly inaccurate.

Yes, almost all his statements are complete bullshit.


It's comedy. "Spiritually ass-ram"? How can you not see this?
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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:56 pm

Numerika wrote:Topic header = plain false

What is true is that there's a heavy percentage of "born again Christians" among the worst psychopaths in society.


You must be well-read to be aware of such a statistic.

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Lackadaisical2
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Postby Lackadaisical2 » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:56 pm

The Tavan Race wrote:
Lackadaisical2 wrote:
UberWeegeeia wrote:
RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Oh? Why so?

Well, you DID make a statement that was wholly inaccurate.

Yes, almost all his statements are complete bullshit.


It's comedy. "Spiritually ass-ram"? How can you not see this?

I know, that doesn't make his statements any less wrong. :p
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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:56 pm

Disco Tetris wrote:You've written better, but the Church/Jesus bit gave me a chuckle. It just seems a bit too easy.


When?

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Der Teutoniker
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Postby Der Teutoniker » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:57 pm

Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Flaming is a good way to show how right you are. :palm:

As stupid as the post likely is (I didn't get far enough even to read any of it) I'm sure that an intellectual approach... or hell even some base form of refutation would be better suited to demonstrating his correctness.

Also, you may not be aware, but flaming is against NS rules.
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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:57 pm

Tungookska wrote:*Spam Snip*


A picture paints a thousand words, and for a certain kind of people, is easier to both convey and digest.

I understand words are hard for some.
Last edited by NERVUN on Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Der Teutoniker
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Postby Der Teutoniker » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:59 pm

Numerika wrote:Topic header = plain false

What is true is that there's a heavy percentage of "born again Christians" among the worst psychopaths in society.


Awesome, let's see a source for this.

Additionally, what does "some sociopaths" have to do with relationships?
South Lorenya wrote:occasionally we get someone who has a rap sheet longer than Jormungandr

Austin Setzer wrote:We found a couple of ancient documents, turned them into the bible, and now its the symbol of christianity.

ARM Forces wrote:Strep-throat is an infection in the throat, caused by eating too much refined sugar! Rubbing more sugar directly on it is the worst thing you can possibly do.

Dumb Ideologies wrote:Communism and anarchy; same unachievable end, different impractical means.

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:59 pm

Der Teutoniker wrote:As stupid as the post likely is (I didn't get far enough even to read any of it) I'm sure that an intellectual approach... or hell even some base form of refutation would be better suited to demonstrating his correctness.


This is NSG. That's never been a prerequisite to evaluate and "respond" to something...

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Mutant Lobster People
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Postby Mutant Lobster People » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:00 am

Once again, an awesome satire from RepentNowOrPayLater :)
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Dream Control and Food
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Postby Dream Control and Food » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:00 am

Read Ephesians 5:22-24: and see how it promotes equality and strengthens relationships.............................. "Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as to the lord, For the husband has authority over his wife, just as Christ has authority over the Church; and Christ is himself the Saviour of the church, his body....And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands, just as the church submits itself to Christ"

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:02 am

Mutant Lobster People wrote:Once again, an awesome satire from RepentNowOrPayLater :)


My words are not Satire. Like the Bible, they are to be taken literally as the inerrant truth.

Also like the Bible, people seem to just read one small part and the base their judgements off that...

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Weylara
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Postby Weylara » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:03 am

Dream Control and Food wrote:Read Ephesians 5:22-24: and see how it promotes equality and strengthens relationships.............................. "Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as to the lord, For the husband has authority over his wife, just as Christ has authority over the Church; and Christ is himself the Saviour of the church, his body....And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands, just as the church submits itself to Christ"


That's what he's just said, even though it's satire.

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Unidox
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Postby Unidox » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:04 am

RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:-snip-

Seriously? First it was the gay destroying marriage; now you have atheist pegged down as the culprits? Make up your minds!

I also want to toss this little credible ditty into the debate: http://www.salon.com/life/coupling/index.html?story=/mwt/broadsheet/2010/07/07/divorce_studies

Or, here

http://www.ifs.org.uk/pr/marriage_stability.pdf
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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:05 am

Dream Control and Food wrote:Read Ephesians 5:22-24: and see how it promotes equality and strengthens relationships.............................. "Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as to the lord, For the husband has authority over his wife, just as Christ has authority over the Church; and Christ is himself the Saviour of the church, his body....And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands, just as the church submits itself to Christ"


Exactly. That's the way it should be.

Although don't forget that if a married slave* decides he loves his wife, his children, and his master, you should take him to a post and pierce his ear with an awl.

I'm not sure what an awl is, I think its some kind of bird.

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:07 am

Unidox wrote:
RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:-snip-

Seriously? First it was the gay destroying marriage; now you have atheist pegged down as the culprits? Make up your minds!

I also want to toss this little credible ditty into the debate: http://www.salon.com/life/coupling/index.html?story=/mwt/broadsheet/2010/07/07/divorce_studies

Or, here

http://www.ifs.org.uk/pr/marriage_stability.pdf


Wow, that's a lot of information to read before reaching a conclusion. I wonder, might you learn to lead by example?

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Imsogone
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Postby Imsogone » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:07 am

Conserative Morality wrote:My God! Why can no one recognize satire this obvious?


Just laugh at with the nice noobs, they'll figure it out sooner or later.
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Barringtonia
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Postby Barringtonia » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:09 am

These threads used to be amusing beyond the opening statement, I don't blame the OP for the fact that they become little less than crowing over those who fail to comprehend what's written,

..except I do..

*Blames!*

I think some of the problem is that the formula is tired and, I know, easy to criticize but then this ain't my schtick,

Meanwhile, just because I mishit i...
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Zephie
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Postby Zephie » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:10 am

I agree that mainstream Atheism have caused people to lose a lot of American morals, but you don't need to worship Jesus to be a good person. :P
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Imsogone
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Postby Imsogone » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:11 am

RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
SaintB wrote:
Our L Lawliet wrote:What if you and I got married, HammyRNOPL? Then it'd be, like, yin and yang.

The true karmic balance, a beautiful and simple yet chaotic and complex reationship!

They would never go for it because that's for a whole different group of sinners.


There's no such thing as Karma. There is only the healing blood of Christ for the remission of sins. You know...dogma.


Can I walk your dogma?
"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly" - Morticia Adams.

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Barringtonia
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Postby Barringtonia » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:12 am

Imsogone wrote:
RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
SaintB wrote:
Our L Lawliet wrote:What if you and I got married, HammyRNOPL? Then it'd be, like, yin and yang.

The true karmic balance, a beautiful and simple yet chaotic and complex reationship!

They would never go for it because that's for a whole different group of sinners.


There's no such thing as Karma. There is only the healing blood of Christ for the remission of sins. You know...dogma.


Can I walk your dogma?


Baby you can drive my Kar..ma
I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world



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Der Teutoniker
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Postby Der Teutoniker » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:12 am

Dream Control and Food wrote:Read Ephesians 5:22-24: and see how it promotes equality and strengthens relationships.............................. "Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as to the lord, For the husband has authority over his wife, just as Christ has authority over the Church; and Christ is himself the Saviour of the church, his body....And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands, just as the church submits itself to Christ"


Let's cut out the requirements of the husband to the wife. Removing relevant parts of the Bible to make an (incomplete) point is definitely a valid argument style. :roll:
South Lorenya wrote:occasionally we get someone who has a rap sheet longer than Jormungandr

Austin Setzer wrote:We found a couple of ancient documents, turned them into the bible, and now its the symbol of christianity.

ARM Forces wrote:Strep-throat is an infection in the throat, caused by eating too much refined sugar! Rubbing more sugar directly on it is the worst thing you can possibly do.

Dumb Ideologies wrote:Communism and anarchy; same unachievable end, different impractical means.

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