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Why atheists have weak relationships, Christians strong ones

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Why atheists have weak relationships, Christians strong ones

Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:40 pm

One of the many ways that Atheism is leading to the degradation of Western civilization and the decline of humanity in general is that Atheists have weak personal relationships, as opposed to the abiding and adamantine bonds between loving Christians.

For example, Christ commands us to love our neighbors, so we do. Christian history is replete with affable coexistence, and to this day, there is not a single border between Christian nations that requires armed guard. From Northern Ireland to the Maginot Line, from Germany to Poland, from Mexico to America, the peace of Christ has rained a fiery barrage of tranquility down upon the blacked-out fortified bunkers of our neighborhoods.

But on a far more important scale, Atheists have particularly failed at the second* most important relationship available to human beings: marriage. Marriage is what brings us together, today. And for Christians, it is a sacred bond, wherein a man is commanded to love and care for his wife and she is commanded to obey and make babies for him. If either fails in this most sacrosanct of duties, Jesus stands ready to punish them with eternal burning and flaying in hell, unless they have asked Jesus to forgive their sins, in which case Jesus just puts information on their credit report resulting in denial of financing for the purchase of appliances at Sears. This results in a truly loving bond.

You atheists have to base your marriages on the specious and tenuous connections of mutual respect, regard, attraction, and happiness in your daily lives. Without the supernatural chains of Heaven to keep you together in an unbreakable state of matrimony, you have to maintain your relationships with nothing but simple humane consideration, self-motivated co-operation, and sinfully experimental sex. You have to decide, every day, to really care for one another, in each moment, for yourselves and for each other. We Christians, on the other hand, stay together because God will spiritually ass-ram us if we divorce. THAT'S what you base a successful relationship on.

I urge all of you atheists here to abandon your willful and damning rejection of God, and if you're married, your spouse should do the same. For women, persuade your man that Jesus is the only way by respectfully requesting that he read the Bible to you. For men, just tell her you're both Christians now.

*(Remember, the most important relationship is between a person and Jesus Christ, their Lord and Savior. Scripturally, the relationship between Christ and his Church is like that of a Groom to his Bride, except Christ's love doesn't taper off a few years after the wedding, becoming emotionally distant and resentful as the Church gains weight (both literal and figurative) with the heaviness of unfulfilled expectation, and eventually Christ forgets to close his IM Chat session with an old girlfriend from high school, and the Church finds it and gets really pissed off, and even though Christ wasn't having an affair with her or anything, and hadn't even really touched her, the Church is angry because its still "emotional intimacy", so then Christ gets fed up with the Church's bullshit and really does have an affair with some 24 year old goth chick who works as a paralegal. Its not like that. Probably.)

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Virabia
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Postby Virabia » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:44 pm

You sir, are an idiot.
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UberWeegeeia
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Postby UberWeegeeia » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:44 pm

Atheists have weak relationships?
My cousin and her husband have been happily married for a long time.
My Half Brother has been married for 5 years, and they've never gotten into a fight.
Do some more research before you make an statement like that.
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SaintB
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Postby SaintB » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:45 pm

I'm just gonna sit here and savor the moment before I inform people who lack a sense of humor of the truth.
Hi my name is SaintB and I am prone to sarcasm and hyperbole. Because of this I make no warranties, express or implied, concerning the accuracy, completeness, reliability or suitability of the above statement, of its constituent parts, or of any supporting data. These terms are subject to change without notice from myself.

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:45 pm

Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Oh? Why so?

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Our L Lawliet
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Postby Our L Lawliet » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:46 pm

What if you and I got married, HammyRNOPL? Then it'd be, like, yin and yang.

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:46 pm

UberWeegeeia wrote:Atheists have weak relationships?
My cousin and her husband have been happily married for a long time.
My Half Brother has been married for 5 years, and they've never gotten into a fight.
Do some more research before you make an statement like that.


You mean...you should really look into something, maybe do some reading, before arriving at a conclusion about something?

Are...are you sure?

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Thurask
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Postby Thurask » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:46 pm

Go back under the bridge.
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UberWeegeeia
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Postby UberWeegeeia » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:46 pm

RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Oh? Why so?

Well, you DID make a statement that was wholly inaccurate.
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Conserative Morality
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Postby Conserative Morality » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:47 pm

My God! Why can no one recognize satire this obvious?
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Thurask
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Postby Thurask » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:47 pm

RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
UberWeegeeia wrote:Atheists have weak relationships?
My cousin and her husband have been happily married for a long time.
My Half Brother has been married for 5 years, and they've never gotten into a fight.
Do some more research before you make an statement like that.


You mean...you should really look into something, maybe do some reading, before arriving at a conclusion about something?

Are...are you sure?


You just described yourself...
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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:47 pm

SaintB wrote:I'm just gonna sit here and savor the moment before I inform people who lack a sense of humor of the truth.


Sense of humor requires one to actually understand what was read. This is a lack of a sense of something else.

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Lackadaisical2
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Postby Lackadaisical2 » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:47 pm

UberWeegeeia wrote:
RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Oh? Why so?

Well, you DID make a statement that was wholly inaccurate.

Yes, almost all his statements are complete bullshit.
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Our L Lawliet
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Postby Our L Lawliet » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:48 pm

Conserative Morality wrote:My God! Why can no one recognize satire this obvious?

Poe and all that.

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:48 pm

Thurask wrote:Go back under the bridge.


The reading light is better up here. I can see why you may not have noticed.

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Thurask
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Thurask » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:48 pm

Our L Lawliet wrote:
Conserative Morality wrote:My God! Why can no one recognize satire this obvious?

Poe and all that.

And how Sturgeon's also applies to people (just replace "crud" with "brain-damaged").
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Nanatsu no Tsuki
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Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:48 pm

UberWeegeeia wrote:
RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Oh? Why so?

Well, you DID make a statement that was wholly inaccurate.

Well, you need to RE-READ the OP before arriving at such conclusions. You know, learn to read between the lines and all? It's a good skill. Learn it.
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SaintB
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Postby SaintB » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:49 pm

Our L Lawliet wrote:What if you and I got married, HammyRNOPL? Then it'd be, like, yin and yang.

The true karmic balance, a beautiful and simple yet chaotic and complex reationship!

They would never go for it because that's for a whole different group of sinners.
Hi my name is SaintB and I am prone to sarcasm and hyperbole. Because of this I make no warranties, express or implied, concerning the accuracy, completeness, reliability or suitability of the above statement, of its constituent parts, or of any supporting data. These terms are subject to change without notice from myself.

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:49 pm

UberWeegeeia wrote:
RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Oh? Why so?

Well, you DID make a statement that was wholly inaccurate.


You use that word "wholly". Does that allude to a sort of totality, a completeness? As in, to regard and involve the entirety of something?

That's an interesting idea...

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Rolamec
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Postby Rolamec » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:49 pm

Look, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a Christian. But I certainly don't think an atheist or non-religious person is less stable, individually or in a relationship, than anybody else.
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Numerika
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Postby Numerika » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:49 pm

Topic header = plain false

What is true is that there's a heavy percentage of "born again Christians" among the worst psychopaths in society.
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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:51 pm

Our L Lawliet wrote:What if you and I got married, HammyRNOPL? Then it'd be, like, yin and yang.


Jesus rejects Taoism.

Except for the three semesters in college when was way into it. Still has the tattoo, but he traded his copy of the Tao te Ching to a world studies major for three joints and an old 8-bit copy of Super Mario 3.

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Disco Tetris
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Postby Disco Tetris » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:51 pm

You've written better, but the Church/Jesus bit gave me a chuckle. It just seems a bit too easy.
Last edited by Disco Tetris on Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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RepentNowOrPayLater
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Postby RepentNowOrPayLater » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:52 pm

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:
UberWeegeeia wrote:
RepentNowOrPayLater wrote:
Virabia wrote:You sir, are an idiot.


Oh? Why so?

Well, you DID make a statement that was wholly inaccurate.

Well, you need to RE-READ the OP before arriving at such conclusions. You know, learn to read between the lines and all? It's a good skill. Learn it.


That bwessed awangement...that dweam wiffin a dweam...

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UberWeegeeia
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Postby UberWeegeeia » Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:53 pm

Wow, fuck, I thought this guy was serious...
*headdesk*
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"Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers snuck up behind a Super Mutant and buried their Shock Swords in his mutated ass!"
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