How to properly raise a child.

[South East Europe]

If he's arguing that transsexualism is a neurological disorder he's right. It's officially known as Gender Identity Disorder. People with the disorder are extremely discontent with the body they are born with and feel more comfortable after converting to the body type of the other gender. This disorder influences them to choose to switch over.

Just saw this now. Wow, Gender Identity Disorder is in the DSM and widely accepted term for Transsexualism so it must be the official term. However, it is not the proper medical term or the term used by qualified medical professionals in the field of Gender Identity for Transsexualism . My Psychiatrist diagnosed me with Transsexualism and that is what is on my medical record, not Gender Identity Disorder, thank you very much. Then again, Gender Identity Disorder and Transsexualism could be two very different medical conditions that most of society thinks are the same. I'm not discontent with my body, society is discontent with my body. I just know that I am a girl so I act, dress and appear accordingly. Also, Gender Identity Disorder is a mental illness, Transsexualism is an intersex condition. I am not confused about my Gender Identity, I am not secretly homosexual, so Gender Identity Disorder wouldn't even be a proper diagnosis. That's probably why my Psychiatrist who has specialized in Gender Identity for 30 years diagnosed me with Transsexualism and not Gender Identity Disorder.

The diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder is not necessarily the same thing. It is entirely plausible that the treatment for Gender Identity Disorder, for instance, is to transition to a different gender so there is congruity. The "disorder" part is in the conflict one feels internally. If there is no conflict, there is no disorder.

It irks me that people use the DSM to promote social agendas or argue that "everyone could be diagnosed with some mental illness!" One of the most basic criteria of any disorder is that it has a pronounced negative effect on the individual's life.

I just said exactly that. I'm not using the DSM to promote anything. I am vehemantly against the DSM. I don't have a conflict, society has a conflict. So wait what are you disagreeing with? You just basically said what I said in a shorter and easier to understand version.

[South East Europe]

Look up "Spanish Civil War" and "Kibbutz" and you'll see where it has worked - in small towns that do it voluntarily.

It also works for the Amish.

The Amish are really nice people and all, but do you really wanna take up that lifestyle?

It might help with my temper, my lackluster musculature, and my waistline, but no more computers wouldn't sit well with me and my Catholicism might not sit well with them.

Amish are pretty tolerant when it comes to Catholics, as long as they don't try to be Amish. Computers aren't necessary to live for most people.

[Galloism]

Wait Dr. Phil, are you serious? He has a PhD in teaching and claims to be a qualified social worker.

Source: Internal Association of Forensic Science, an article written by FBI

If you have another source, please do present it. I'd like to take the test you took and see how I score.

It wasn't a test, it was a diagnostic criterion that I looked at.

Please do present it. I'd like to look it over and see how I score.

*cough*

Just a reminder, in case you forgot.

[South East Europe]

It wasn't a test, it was a diagnostic criterion that I looked at.

Please do present it. I'd like to look it over and see how I score.

*cough*

Just a reminder, in case you forgot.

No, I didn't forget. There are more important things to waste my time with. If you want it so bad, find it. It should still be on the FBI website. As long as you don't quote Mr. Phil again, we should be fine.

[Galloism]

It wasn't a test, it was a diagnostic criterion that I looked at.

Please do present it. I'd like to look it over and see how I score.

*cough*

Just a reminder, in case you forgot.

No, I didn't forget. There are more important things to waste my time with. If you want it so bad, find it. It should still be on the FBI website. As long as you don't quote Mr. Phil again, we should be fine.

How about Wikipedia? It also lists 14 signs. I haven't seen anyone point out 21 signs yet, except you, and I'm still waiting for a source.

[JarVik]

I'll probably forget a fews things as this is a big and complex topic but here goes.

1) Consistencey and structure: There should be rules and structure, kids like to know what to expect in their world so consistent bed times, meals and rules for what is allowed and safe for them to do is very important. How you as an adult behave should also be consistent to avoid hypocrasy. Kids have a good radar for fair so don't be dickhead.

2) Food and nutrition are obviously a big deal for growing bodies so try to get them to eat well and have balanced meals. Don't kill your self over this, not every meal or even day needs to be a perfect food pyramid but you should strive for a good average. Hydration is hugely important too, little ones need lots of liquid but don't let them have to much sugar or there will be trouble. My little girl gets a rush of energy after peas, carrot and pork casserole, her on sugar is way worse as it tends to go to tears and willful behavour real quick, while the regular dinner rush usually just involves singing and climbing the couch (or me).

3) Reading time, drawing, play time and outdoors time. Exposure, stimulation, exploration with a parent are important for development and bonding time. Plus you get to revive your childhood a bit. Weee swings and slides!

4) Discipline: there are rules and accepted behaviour and there must be consequences for breaking them. A firm word (not the same as shouting), or a time out will do wonders. Anything physical should be a mere token and not include real force, the mental idea of physical disipline seems to be surprisingly effective without anything behind it. Even then that should only be used in more extreme cases. My little girl went through a brief phase where she wanted to pull down or go after the tea or coffee mugs of my wife or me. Obviously this could get dangerous, and as she was very persistent about it she did get a little hand slap/pat that wouldn't have hurt a fly yet it certainly lead to her being uppset/ offended and wanting hugs etc. After again explaining that the mug is hot and not safe again to her and asking her to not touch the mugs she got lots of hugs and kisses. Discipline needs the forgiveness/hugs afterwards when they're ready, but it should come with their acknowledgement (likely with a little promting) to not repeat the bad/dangerous behaviour.

5) Keep your sense of humour, your going to get peed on more than once, and little sticky hands will go in your hair, or if your not paying attention up your nose.

[Cameroi]

to teach them that everything has a (real, not monetary) price, and to distinguish that (however painful and difficult it is to do so) from your preferences as their parent.

[South East Europe]

Please do present it. I'd like to look it over and see how I score.

*cough*

Just a reminder, in case you forgot.

No, I didn't forget. There are more important things to waste my time with. If you want it so bad, find it. It should still be on the FBI website. As long as you don't quote Mr. Phil again, we should be fine.

How about Wikipedia? It also lists 14 signs. I haven't seen anyone point out 21 signs yet, except you, and I'm still waiting for a source.

I said it should still be on the FBI website. Your source is there. I don't have time for this but I know for a fact that it is 21 signs for a potential serial killer. There are likely 14 things that all or most serial killers meet, but I am talking about the 21 signs for many or most potential serial killers.

[Galloism]

I said it should still be on the FBI website. Your source is there. I don't have time for this but I know for a fact that it is 21 signs for a potential serial killer. There are likely 14 things that all or most serial killers meet, but I am talking about the 21 signs for many or most potential serial killers.

I looked on the FBI's website. I didn't find it.

You made a claim. Back it up. I'm still waiting.

[Pepe Dominguez]

Two notes on raising kids, taken from my personal experience (as a kid, not as a parent).

Physical punishment (beatings, pulling out clumps of hair, dragging a child up a flight of stairs by his/her ear or hair, pulling limbs out of their sockets, etc.) and solitary confinement (in locked closets or sheds, for example) don't really work. Kids will become rapidly accustomed to physical pain and will quite easily block it out, although admittedly the *anticipation* of physical punishment will continue to cause anxiety even over time. Instead, it's best to build a rapport with your kids, so that they actually *want* to avoid disappointing you and enjoy earning your praise. In other words, the saying that begins "you can attract more flies with honey...." applies to kids.

Second, to echo a few others' sentiments: reading. It's probably the most important activity there is for kids - some of my best memories of childhood are of the library and of reading on my own, and I would've really enjoyed reading with or being read to by my parents if they had had the time, I think.

Those are just two off the top of my head, in no real order.

[South East Europe]

I said it should still be on the FBI website. Your source is there. I don't have time for this but I know for a fact that it is 21 signs for a potential serial killer. There are likely 14 things that all or most serial killers meet, but I am talking about the 21 signs for many or most potential serial killers.

I looked on the FBI's website. I didn't find it.

You made a claim. Back it up. I'm still waiting.

I can't find the exact article, I looked all over the site. They were like emotional signs of a potential serial kiler. Your source is speaking of something entirely different, what most serial killers are.

[Pope Joan]

Amish are pretty tolerant when it comes to Catholics, as long as they don't try to be Amish. Computers aren't necessary to live for most people.

As someone who is semi-Amish (Mennonite), I urge you to not imagine they are simple primitives, caught in a time warp. They are as much a part of our times as anyone else, and are in the forefront of advocating and using such things as solar energy!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/di ... 89x1029017

They are also very into cell phones.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/7.01/amish.html

What they are not into is getting tied to the grid as a powerless insect in the utility's web. Good thinking, people!

[Hoyteca]

Reward the good behavior and punish the bad. Did they do their chores? Allowance. Did they steal money from you? Spank them. Were they well behaved? Give them some ice cream or take them to the park. Make them associate good behavior with good consequences and bad behavior with bad consequences.

No hypocrasy. Words aren't enough. Don't just tell them how to be good people, show them.

Let them pretend. There's nothing wrong with the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. Letting them read Harry Potter isn't going to make them grow up confused. Let them have an imagination and don't worry about them growing up confused. They eventually figure out that the tooth fairy and Santa aren't real.

Let them have a childhood. All work and no play gives you Micheal Jackson. Afterall, he didn't have a childhood until after he became an adult. People are going to have a childhood. It's just better for the childhood to come before adulthood, not after.

Tolerate. Kid convert to another religion? As long as nothing illegal or otherwise harmdul is going on, tolerate it. Kid's a furry? You better tolerate it or else the other furries won't be happy with you. Kid a boy that wants to be a girl? Not the most usual thing in the world, but tolerable.

[Tranquilizer Cyborgs]

Don't!

[Pepe Dominguez]

Amish are pretty tolerant when it comes to Catholics, as long as they don't try to be Amish. Computers aren't necessary to live for most people.

As someone who is semi-Amish (Mennonite), I urge you to not imagine they are simple primitives, caught in a time warp. They are as much a part of our times as anyone else, and are in the forefront of advocating and using such things as solar energy!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/di ... 89x1029017

They are also very into cell phones.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/7.01/amish.html

What they are not into is getting tied to the grid as a powerless insect in the utility's web. Good thinking, people!

The Amish are sort of famous for child abuse (both physical and sexual), aren't they? I saw an investigative report on the Amish a few years back, and it was truly horrifying. Their culture of confession and forgiveness basically meant that the perpetrators (usually the fathers or brothers of young girls) weren't reported to police in many cases, and in others the police basically tolerated it if the community had "forgiven" the perpetrator. Forgiveness is fine, of course, but criminology tells us that sex offenders are the most likely to repeat their crimes, and need to be kept strictly away from children, even if they have tried to make amends and are getting help. The documentary included several interviews with former-Amish who described the worst sort of abuse. It was awful.

Edit: also, using DU as a source - not a great idea.

[Pope Joan]

I don't know about Amish, but Mennonites try to trust the close-knit community to handle all conflicts.

This is usually very reassuring (I once said I didn't have money to pay for a prescription, and everybody in the room gave me twenty bucks)
and I am sure it can be misused.

Do consider that the community takes an active interest in all its members, young and old, weak and strong. The alternative is to let the state handle everything, including family matters, and frankly we don't think that's such a great idea.

[Pepe Dominguez]

I don't know about Amish, but Mennonites try to trust the close-knit community to handle all conflicts.

This is usually very reassuring (I once said I didn't have money to pay for a prescription, and everybody in the room gave me twenty bucks)
and I am sure it can be misused.

Do consider that the community takes an active interest in all its members, young and old, weak and strong. The alternative is to let the state handle everything, including family matters, and frankly we don't think that's such a great idea.

I'm all for the "government which governs best governs least" sentiment, but if the Amish view of sexual abuse is that it's a sin, rather a crime, then the result will continue to be an uninterrupted cycle of rape and sexual abuse from generation to generation. It seems to be happening at a very troubling rate, and some of these kids are raped hundreds of times before anyone takes notice. I can't find the original documentary just now, but a good article was easy to find:

http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/story?id=189191&page=1

The second page describes how the Amish cover up these kinds of offenses against children. I think at some point our government's obligation to protect children supercedes religious tolerance, or at least it ought to.