Hello, I'm your creepy stalker!

[SoWiBi]

If you listen to the old geezers, you'll hear that with the arrival of any new technology, the world is certain to end.

If you listen to me, you'll now be informed that I think that with the arrival of any new technology, a whole world of etiquette and norms is certain to end, and the search for a new such world begins.

For now, take the internet, and the vast array of information about people it provides. Where's the line between "fair game / normal curiosity", and where does "creepy stalker / violation of privacy" begin?

Here's the bloggy part: My best friend, ex-boyfriend, and ex-fuckbuddy has recently acquired a new woman, and has provided me with her first name and the fact that she sings in a choir with another person whose first name I know. Now I'm no stranger to the internet, and curious to boot, so that knowledge has easily combined to a smart search that quickly led me to her full name and age, and from then on of course it was just another click to see her current occupation/workplace, her myspace, lots of photos, her activities in various clubs.. Now I thought this was all normal curiosity about your best friend's new love, and so when I mentioned in passing to my friend some days later that I thought it was cool she played volleyball as well and we should organize a beach match soon, I never expected his rather shocked reaction ("How the fuck do you know she plays volleyball? ZOMG that's creepy!!"), and was in turn shocked that it was deemed very strange that I had done that.

So, NSG, what sayeth you: Is googling another person (and browsing through the links that come up) fair game, or is it an unfair exploit of the new possibilities? When does such info-gathering become creepy?

[Kostemetsia]

It's fair game, I think. If it's been published on the public internet, then that implies it's meant to be looked at by random people - although do you count as a random person? Such info becomes creepy at the point where you bring it up in passing without previously mentioning that you gathered it, I think, as is what happened here.

[Starblaydia]

If you listen to the old geezers, you'll hear that with the arrival of any new technology, the world is certain to end.

This made me think of:

"Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.

If you listen to me, you'll now be informed that I think that with the arrival of any new technology, a whole world of etiquette and norms is certain to end, and the search for a new such world begins.

<snip>

So, NSG, what sayeth you: Is googling another person (and browsing through the links that come up) fair game, or is it an unfair exploit of the new possibilities? When does such info-gathering become creepy?

It's fair, if a little odd, but learn to keep such information to yourself!

[SoWiBi]

It's fair game, I think. If it's been published on the public internet, then that implies it's meant to be looked at by random people - although do you count as a random person? :P

Heh, you already mentioned some things I was writing when I drafted the poll :]

I strongly think that if you publish crap on the net, you can't complain if people find and see it - the question is whether it's creepy to want to see it / look for it.

And yeah, the great question whether the assessment of this behavior changes significantly with the degree of "randomness" that connects you to the person searched for.

Such info becomes creepy at the point where you bring it up in passing without previously mentioning that you gathered it, I think, as is what happened here.

That's interesting. I thought it'd have been much creepier if I had made it a point of telling him I had searched for her - in fcat, I hadn't mentioned it because I thought it so normal I didn't give it another thought.

[Molested Sock]

Knowing if someone plays volleyball is not creepy.
If people wish to social network on teh webs it is effectivly fairgame.
Teh net is for aninomity and lieing, not for showing oneself off, unless one is on Jmatch or another partner seeking site.
People should get real.

[SoWiBi]

"Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.

Yeah, that's a very nice quote. I had heard it before, but it's a good one to remember.

It's fair, if a little odd, but learn to keep such information to yourself!

You think? You see, if I thought it'd be of such a nature that I better keep it to myself, then that'd be what'd make it creepy for me.. I always figure that "If I feel confident telling the people involved that I did [thing X, like googling this], then it can't becreepy, right?", but if I feel I better hide it, then it's at leats questionable.

[SoWiBi]

Knowing if someone plays volleyball is not creepy.

I was less concerned about the things I ultimately got to know (though I do think it slightly weird to have read where exactly she works, and her phone number, and stuff), but about the process of searching for that kind of info in the first place (not knowing what would or would not come up).

[Aelosia]

1.- You need a new boyfriend/fuckbuddy.

2.- It's fair game, and it is not creepy because you are not really using said information to defame or harm. (Do you want to? I have some tips)

3.- If the information is public, it's ok. Not such a big deal.Creeping through non public information is a bit creepy, but fun nevertheless.

[Starblaydia]

It's fair, if a little odd, but learn to keep such information to yourself!

You think? You see, if I thought it'd be of such a nature that I better keep it to myself, then that'd be what'd make it creepy for me.. I always figure that "If I feel confident telling the people involved that I did [thing X, like googling this], then it can't becreepy, right?", but if I feel I better hide it, then it's at leats questionable.

"Oh, she's friends with one of my friends and I saw her on Facebook/Myspace," would be the acceptable version of events.

"I put on my sleuthing hat and deduced, investigated, used my contacts, googled and sifted through lots of personal information about the new version of me that you now have," is the creepy explanation.

And I agree with Aelosia, as you need to move on

[SoWiBi]

1.- You need a new boyfriend/fuckbuddy.

2.- It's fair game, and it is not creepy because you are not really using said information to defame or harm. (Do you want to? I have some tips)

3.- If the information is public, it's ok. Not such a big deal.Creeping through non public information is a bit creepy, but fun nevertheless.

1. Indeed. I'm looking, I'm looking! But it's been only *counts* exactly a week today that we quit fucking, so gimme some time here, girl :]

2. Oh, don't worry, I've sufficient imagination and menacy capacities to manage that on my own. However, I'm actually wishing both the very best, and wish to do nothing less than to defame or harm either.

3. Yeah. Had a bad habit of doing that earlier in my life, had a relapse with one document about a year ago, but since then have tried to be a nice girl with those things.

[Molested Sock]

Knowing if someone plays volleyball is not creepy.

I was less concerned about the things I ultimately got to know (though I do think it slightly weird to have read where exactly she works, and her phone number, and stuff), but about the process of searching for that kind of info in the first place (not knowing what would or would not come up).

You could just as easily peruse myspace, facebook, netlog or bebo and come across any random person who openly displays things of those nature, I imagine the whole purpose of people doing that is so people can get to do that.
Those sites are designed so one can meet up with others and advertise oneself, anyone who objects must be confussed.
If it's not on the internet, people are displaying their cell numbers on the back windscreen of their cars.

Whats more there is a negative affect for some people in regards to the fact that employers search the web for their potential employees past indescretions which may affect their ability to get a job they desire.

[SoWiBi]

"Oh, she's friends with one of my friends and I saw her on Facebook/Myspace," would be the acceptable version of events.

"I put on my sleuthing hat and deduced, investigated, used my contacts, googled and sifted through lots of personal information about the new version of me that you now have," is the creepy explanation.

Well, he fully well knows I have no such things as online networking accounts etc. ('cause I personally do not care to give anyone that kind of access to my information), so that's.. yeah, out.

How about the truthful in-between version of "I was curious, threw what you'd given me into google, and clicked some of the results"?
.. and no, she's no new version of me - he already confirmed she gives far sub-standard blowjobs. I mean, uh, what?
..

And I agree with Aelosia, as you need to move on :blush:

Oh, actually, I more or less have. The situation is that I broke up with him, suported his decision to fuck again later, but signed on to a dating website and dated a few guys on the side anyhow (with his explicit knowledge).. and I really do wish things between the two of them work out the way they hope. However, I also hope I'll have someone to, uh, work things out with soon too, sure.

[SoWiBi]

What's more there is a negative effect for some people in regard to the fact that employers search the web for their potential employees' past indescretions which may affect their ability to get a job they desire.

Absolutely. However, I'm one of those arrogant assholes who say that anyone who's stupid enough to publish such information in a way that makes it findable for potential future employers doesn't deserve any better.

[Ifreann]

It's a bit creepy, but no more than asking your friends about your ex-boy's new girl.

[SoWiBi]

It's a bit creepy, but no more than asking your friends about your ex-boy's new girl.

Thanks for the input. Now, umm.. happen to know anything about my ex-man's new woman? ;P

[Ifreann]

It's a bit creepy, but no more than asking your friends about your ex-boy's new girl.

Thanks for the input. Now, umm.. happen to know anything about my ex-man's new woman? ;P

I hear she has herpes and can't do that thing you can do. You know that thing.

[SoWiBi]

I hear she has herpes and can't do that thing you can do. You know that thing.

Well, if she hasn't got it now, she'll have it soon..

............ I mean, uh, what?

And I know. The camera I inst-

............ uh, nothing. Yeah. Thanks for the info.

[Molested Sock]

What's more there is a negative effect for some people in regard to the fact that employers search the web for their potential employees' past indescretions which may affect their ability to get a job they desire.

Absolutely. However, I'm one of those arrogant assholes who say that anyone who's stupid enough to publish such information in a way that makes it findable for potential future employers doesn't deserve any better.

It's not arseholish nor arrogant and it wouldn't make you an arrogant arsehole to feel that way.
It's similar to sending 'questionable emails at work and/or by a work email address, it might reflect badly on the company if they got out.

[SoWiBi]

It's similar to sending 'questionable emails at work and/or by a work email address, it might reflect badly on the company if they got out.

Yeah. I always wonder WTF that one person is thinking who's sending me chain mails from her work address all the time..

.. or, you know, those people who keep filling out these "Win $10,000 now!!!" thingamabobs and complain about all the junkmail being sent their way.

[Molested Sock]

It's similar to sending 'questionable emails at work and/or by a work email address, it might reflect badly on the company if they got out.

Yeah. I always wonder WTF that one person is thinking who's sending me chain mails from her work address all the time..

.. or, you know, those people who keep filling out these "Win $10,000 now!!!" thingamabobs and complain about all the junkmail being sent their way.

I effectivly ceased replying to joke emails, I don't get as many as I used to.
But it just means someone out there wants to make you smile.
My spam consists of canadian drugs and little blue pill painkillers.

Those competitions are so addictive, because one always seems to have had their name drawn out of the lucky draw and if one replies now, one has the chance to win 100,000 more and especially so if one buys something from the mailing list they also get the chance to go in the second chance draw and the Editors draw!

[BunnySaurus Bugsii]

If you listen to the old geezers, you'll hear that with the arrival of any new technology, the world is certain to end.

If you listen to me, you'll now be informed that I think that with the arrival of any new technology, a whole world of etiquette and norms is certain to end, and the search for a new such world begins.

For now, take the internet, and the vast array of information about people it provides. Where's the line between "fair game / normal curiosity", and where does "creepy stalker / violation of privacy" begin?

Here's the bloggy part: My best friend, ex-boyfriend, and ex-fuckbuddy has recently acquired a new woman, and has provided me with her first name and the fact that she sings in a choir with another person whose first name I know. Now I'm no stranger to the internet, and curious to boot, so that knowledge has easily combined to a smart search that quickly led me to her full name and age, and from then on of course it was just another click to see her current occupation/workplace, her myspace, lots of photos, her activities in various clubs.. Now I thought this was all normal curiosity about your best friend's new love, and so when I mentioned in passing to my friend some days later that I thought it was cool she played volleyball as well and we should organize a beach match soon, I never expected his rather shocked reaction ("How the fuck do you know she plays volleyball? ZOMG that's creepy!!"), and was in turn shocked that it was deemed very strange that I had done that.

So, NSG, what sayeth you: Is googling another person (and browsing through the links that come up) fair game, or is it an unfair exploit of the new possibilities? When does such info-gathering become creepy?

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Clarke's Third Law, revised.

If they find it creepy, they're lamers.

[SoWiBi]

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Clarke's Third Law, revised.

If they find it creepy, they're lamers.

Yeah, but magic has no inherent (non)creepiness factor, you see.

For example, if I had the magic ability to make clothes see-through.. using it overtly for everyone to see on the hot chick doing a presentation up front, it'd be a great thing, and not creepy. Using it on the fat professor and so that it'd be just for my own eyes, it'd be way creepy.

... I think I got lost in my unintended non-analogy.

[Ashmoria]

nope its not creepy or stalking.

its what people do nowadays. if you dont want your business known to everyone, dont put it on the net. just like in the past if you didnt want people to know your business you didnt tell it to the local gossip.

[Parthenon]

If the ex wanted you to know information about the new girl he would have given it to you directly, going around his back to run a damn background check on her is both a breach of trust and sketch as hell.

[Ashmoria]

If the ex wanted you to know information about the new girl he would have given it to you directly, going around his back to run a damn background check on her is both a breach of trust and sketch as hell.

pffft

would it have been a violation of trust to ask around about her? thats what she would have done 20 years ago. today you google her. the problem is that there is so much info on the net these days that you can find with a bare minimum of effort.