You have to get a shitty job. You have the following five choices. Assume that you will net the same income no matter which you choose and assume that you can get away with lying to your friends and family about your job if you want to. Choose based on whatever criteria you want, whether it be the ethics of the work or what you can personally endure, but explain the reason for your choice. Also feel free to say which job you'd want the least, which job you'd refuse to do even if it would leave you destitute, and/or rank the jobs from most to least desirable.
1) Walmart - You have to work on the floor of a Walmart run by an insufferable prick of a manager. Your manager controls you in every way from telling you what kind of haircut to have to prescheduling your bathroom breaks. He's the kind of human garbage who says "hey is for horses" and harps on the "can I?" vs. "may I" thing like your 4th grade English teacher. He expects you to actually love your job and care about the company or to at least give a Meryl Streep tier performance. Sometimes he demands you empty your pockets before you leave to check if you've stolen anything. He also demands you snitch on your coworkers for every minor infraction, and if you go too long without snitching, you'll be fired. For what it's worth, your coworkers are all chill people who hate his guts and talk shit about him whenever he's not around, and you can collude with them to pre-plan who snitches on who so that no one gets screwed over too bad.
2) Cam - You are a self-employed cam girl/guy who does solo porn for a paying live audience. Some of you patrons are major league weirdos so in addition to the usual fare, you will sometimes be asked to simulate self-harm (with movie props and fake blood and such) or to recite stories of you being abused in the past, which can be fictional but you really have to sell it, or to sit in a pie and weep. You're behind a paywall on a niche corner of the dark web so it's unlikely anyone you know will ever discover you. Most of your patrons are friendly and praise you, while a few are mean, and others form extremely unhealthy parasocial relationships with you. Once in awhile you may find one of your patron's partners in your chat room to tell you how their obsession with you ruined their marriage, but you can kick them out and block them.
3) Begging - You are part of a highly organized team of some 50 people who go out every day to panhandle. The team evenly splits the aggregate income of the day among all members, so if you personally have a bad day, you'll still get paid, and if you have a really good day, you won't keep all your earnings. The team also shares advice on the best places to beg, the most effective sob stories, and how to make yourself look like you're missing a leg or look blind and all that. Panhandling isn't illegal in your town but the police are jerks, so you can sometimes expect to chased away or roughed up or to spend a single night in jail on charges that won't stick. On average, you can expect to be tazed about once every 18 months.
4) MLM - This is a barely legal pyramid scheme, but you're getting in close to the ground level, so you can expect to make some decent money while the people a few levels beneath you get screwed over. You sell yoga accessories and kits for homemade wine, primarily to bored single white moms. There are a lot of nearby affluent neighborhoods, so if you feel too bad about ripping off people living paycheck to paycheck, you can rip off well to do housewives who can afford to burn a few thousand dollars, though maybe they'll have to fly coach to Paris next summer and trade in their SUV's for something more fuel efficient. The guy at the top of the pyramid will already have a new MLM set up by the time this one collapses and will let you get in near the ground floor again, so you can do this indefinitely.
5) Crime - You work on a narcotics assembly line, preparing and packaging drugs to be shipped out to dealers. Sometimes you're cutting stems off bud, sometimes you're pressing MDMA into capsules, sometimes you're breaking up crystal meth, etc. You're under surveillance by people with guns, but their only concern is that you don't steal the product. If you prove yourself trustworthy in that regard then no one will hassle you. Your coworkers are friendly and interesting people, a lot of them undocumented immigrants, so you may end up getting invited over for dinner and get to sample exotic cuisines. The work is boring and tedious, but you can wear headphones or watch movies on iPads or come to work drunk, as long as the work is done correctly. You see and hear a lot so if the operation gets busted, you can flip on the higher-ups in exchange for full immunity, and you won't have to worry about being hunted down and killed because the dude you flip on will subsequently try to flip on his boss, and that dude will be killed, and no one will remember you.
My ranking (from best to worst):
Cam
Crime
Begging
Walmart
MLM
I think Cam is the best job because it's the only one that actually makes anyone happy. I put Crime in second as I consider it neutral both ethically and in terms of how much I'd enjoy or hate it. I put Begging above Walmart because I'd rather deal with an asshole cop from time to time than deal with an asshole manager all day long, and I put MLM last because even though it's probably less miserable than Walmart, it's the most dishonest and I'd have to pretend to give a shit anyway, in order to sell the products.
