Comical Historical Events

[The Archregimancy]

No, it isn't, is it?

I've been considering for some time renaming this thread 'random one-sentence historical observations' since most active participants seem to have rather missed the point of the thread.

Hey, I gave you God, the Bible, and hemmeroids, I dont know how anyone could top that.

Oh look, the thread managed to get off to a good start - and your Biblical haemorrhoids were a strong contribution - but it's all gone a bit 'meh' over the last few pages. And 'humour is subjective' doesn't really strike me as enough of an excuse for the slightly tedious one-sentence 'that time that something that isn't really that funny happened' posts that have been clogging up the thread.

I'd hoped that NSG could aspire to something more; or at least put in a bit more effort.

And it's not as if I mind a bit of dark comedy. Take, for example, the Cadaver Synod of AD 897. Pope Formosus died in 896, and his successor Boniface VI died after a mere 15 or 16 days in post. Boniface's successor Stephen VI ordered the exhumation of Formosus's rotting corpse, set it on a throne in full papal vestments, and proceeded to put the dead Pope on trial in January 897 for a series of violations of canon law. The reasons for Stephen's behaviour are unclear - especially since by finding Formosus guilty and nullifying all of his decisions as Pope also meant invalidating Stephen's own ordination as a bishop.

As noted, the trial found Formosus guilty, and Stephen personally stripped the corpse of its vestments, and cut off the three blessing fingers from the dead Pope's right hand. The corpse was then thrown into the Tiber; but this didn't go particularly well for Stephen either. When the body washed up on the riverbank, it led directly to a riot that saw Stephen deposed, imprisoned, and then strangled before the year was out.

Dark? Yes. But there remains something darkly comical about exhuming the corpse of your predecessor to put it on trial in full liturgical vestments, only for the guilty verdict to accidentally invalidate your own ordination and for the disposal of the corpse to lead to your own deposition and death.

So we can do dark, of course; I'd just like to see a bit more effort and a bit more comedy.

[Ethel mermania]

Hey, I gave you God, the Bible, and hemmeroids, I dont know how anyone could top that.

Oh look, the thread managed to get off to a good start - and your Biblical haemorrhoids were a strong contribution - but it's all gone a bit 'meh' over the last few pages. And 'humour is subjective' doesn't really strike me as enough of an excuse for the slightly tedious one-sentence 'that time that something that isn't really that funny happened' posts that have been clogging up the thread.

I'd hoped that NSG could aspire to something more; or at least put in a bit more effort.

And it's not as if I mind a bit of dark comedy. Take, for example, the Cadaver Synod of AD 897. Pope Formosus died in 896, and his successor Boniface VI died after a mere 15 or 16 days in post. Boniface's successor Stephen VI ordered the exhumation of Formosus's rotting corpse, set it on a throne in full papal vestments, and proceed to put the dead Pope on trial in January 897 for a series of violations of canon law. The reasons for Stephen's behaviour are unclear - especially since by finding Formosus guilty and nullifying all of his decisions as Pope also meant invalidating Stephen's own ordination as a bishop.

As noted, the trial found Formosus guilty, and Stephen personally stripped the corpse of its vestments, and cut off the three blessing fingers from the dead Pope's right hand. The corpse was then thrown into the Tiber; but this didn't go particularly well for Stephen either. When the body washed up on the riverbank, it led directly to a riot that saw Stephen deposed, imprisoned, and then strangled before the year was out.

Dark? Yes. But there remains something darkly comical about exhuming the corpse of your predecessor to put it on trial in full liturgical vestments, only for the guilty verdict to accidentally invalidate your own ordination and for the disposal of the corpse to lead to your own deposition and death.

So we can do dark, of course; I'd just like to see a bit more effort and a bit more comedy.

Honestly I agree with you, conceptually it had promise. The sad fact is this user base just isn't that funny.

[The Selkie]

In the light of the recent remarks in regards to the recent historical anecdotes shared on this thread, I might have one, which is for the category of "I chuckled" (rather then the category "I am rolling on the floor and laugh my rear end off").
So, here we go. In many western countries, New Year's Eve is the day of grand speeches. Germany is no exception. On New Year's Eve, that's the job of the Chancellor (currently Olaf Scholz), the President talking everyone's ear off on Christmas (currently Frank-Walter Steinmeier).
That was true in 1986 as well, when the Chancellor was a fellow by the name of Helmut Kohl. ARD, one of the public broadcasters of (Western, there were still two Germanies) Germany, aired the speech, pre-recorded a few days prior, responsible for it was the NDR (Norddeutscher Rundfunk, basically the regional public broadcaster for Northern Germany). The only problem was, they didn't air the one recorded a few days earlier, but the one recorded a year earlier. And until Kohl watched himself on TV, most likely wondering if he really wore that jacket during the recording, no one really noticed (until he wished everyone a happy 1986)... or cared.
Kohl's press advisor nearly went crazy, Kohl himself suspected sabotage, the BRD laughed and the ZDF (the second large public broadcaster in the BRD ) had aired the right speech. The ARD did so as well a day later.
(The Article is in German.)

[The Blaatschapen]

In the light of the recent remarks in regards to the recent historical anecdotes shared on this thread, I might have one, which is for the category of "I chuckled" (rather then the category "I am rolling on the floor and laugh my rear end off").
So, here we go. In many western countries, New Year's Eve is the day of grand speeches. Germany is no exception. On New Year's Eve, that's the job of the Chancellor (currently Olaf Scholz), the President talking everyone's ear off on Christmas (currently Frank-Walter Steinmeier).
That was true in 1986 as well, when the Chancellor was a fellow by the name of Helmut Kohl. ARD, one of the public broadcasters of (Western, there were still two Germanies) Germany, aired the speech, pre-recorded a few days prior, responsible for it was the NDR (Norddeutscher Rundfunk, basically the regional public broadcaster for Northern Germany). The only problem was, they didn't air the one recorded a few days earlier, but the one recorded a year earlier. And until Kohl watched himself on TV, most likely wondering if he really wore that jacket during the recording, no one really noticed (until he wished everyone a happy 1986)... or cared.
Kohl's press advisor nearly went crazy, Kohl himself suspected sabotage, the BRD laughed and the ZDF (the second large public broadcaster in the BRD ) had aired the right speech. The ARD did so as well a day later.
(The Article is in German.)

Speaking of German television going wrong.

The fall of the Berlin wall was one.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fall_of ... ouncements

[Kowani]

In 1916, the US Government sued “40 Barrels and 20 Kegs of Coca-Cola” in an attempt to force Coke to remove caffeine from their products


Soda won.

[The Two Jerseys]

During the Battle of Hampton Roads, USS Monitor developed a malfunction that made it difficult to start and stop rotating the turret, so the crew just let the turret turn continuously and fired the guns when they came to bear.

They were literally 360 no-scoping with 11-inch guns.

[Big Bad Blue]

One day in 1995, a man robbed two Pittsburgh banks in broad daylight. He didn't wear a mask or any sort of disguise. And he smiled at surveillance cameras before walking out of each bank. Later that night, police arrested a surprised McArthur Wheeler. When they showed him the surveillance tapes, he stared in disbelief. "But I wore the juice," he mumbled. Apparently, Wheeler thought that rubbing lemon juice on his skin would render him invisible to videotape cameras. After all, lemon juice is used as invisible ink so, as long as he didn't come near a heat source, he should have been completely invisible. Police concluded that Wheeler was just incredibly mistaken.

Classic illustration of the Dunning-Kruger Effect. The way I heard it told he claimed he had tested his lemon juice theory by taking a Polaroid of himself that indeed showed no image. However he had been pointing the camera lens at the ceiling while taking the photo.

[Farnhamia]

During the Battle of Hampton Roads, USS Monitor developed a malfunction that made it difficult to start and stop rotating the turret, so the crew just let the turret turn continuously and fired the guns when they came to bear.

They were literally 360 no-scoping with 11-inch guns.

We heard about that one in the Mod Lair about every two months, on average.

[Christian Confederation]

When Old Pennsylvania Station was demolished to build Madison Square Garden. In the decades since the 100+ year old Tunnels, and mess of tracks going into the Station combined with the cramped and undersized new station has only made things worse.
What was the governments ingenious solution? Make a knock off of the old Station across the street in the old post office allowing access to the ends of a few platforms.

So if you ever want something other than the power grid collapsing to keep you up at night just remember that the Governments Solution to the mess of junctions under Penn Station and 2 100+ year old Tunnels (2 tracks under the Hudson River, and 4 Tracks under the East River) being the only way in/ out of Manhattan on the Northeast Corridor (The Boston-NY-DC-Philadelphia-Chicago Rail Corridor) that could fail at any time is to put 2 new tracks under the Hudson River and end the line at the already inefficient Penn Station.

[Skelly Man Dan]

Sir Thomas Malory of Newbound Revel, popularly presumed to be the same "Malory" that wrote le Morte d'Arthur ("The Death of (King) Arthur") is supposedly the only Englishman to be excluded from two general pardons by name.

The man was also accused of over a hundred crimes in his lifetime, though in his defense few (if any) were ever proven and he had the misfortune of picking a side in the War of the Roses. Still, the man responsible for a book that's come to embody the concept of chivarly had a way for causing controversy and annoying the wrong people.

[Ethel mermania]

When Old Pennsylvania Station was demolished to build Madison Square Garden. In the decades since the 100+ year old Tunnels, and mess of tracks going into the Station combined with the cramped and undersized new station has only made things worse.
What was the governments ingenious solution? Make a knock off of the old Station across the street in the old post office allowing access to the ends of a few platforms.

So if you ever want something other than the power grid collapsing to keep you up at night just remember that the Governments Solution to the mess of junctions under Penn Station and 2 100+ year old Tunnels (2 tracks under the Hudson River, and 4 Tracks under the East River) being the only way in/ out of Manhattan on the Northeast Corridor (The Boston-NY-DC-Philadelphia-Chicago Rail Corridor) that could fail at any time is to put 2 new tracks under the Hudson River and end the line at the already inefficient Penn Station.

Not a lot of room to build new track space under Manhattan. Jersey transit and lirr being able to share tracks for platforms will massively increase the passenger load of penn station - Moynihan complex. The two new tunnels are necessary and they easily fit in the existing footprint. when complete and the existing tunnels repaired the complex will be ready to supply more than sufficient service for the next 30 years.

Now while I find this topic of great personal interest, its just not funny.

[Christian Confederation]

When Old Pennsylvania Station was demolished to build Madison Square Garden. In the decades since the 100+ year old Tunnels, and mess of tracks going into the Station combined with the cramped and undersized new station has only made things worse.
What was the governments ingenious solution? Make a knock off of the old Station across the street in the old post office allowing access to the ends of a few platforms.

So if you ever want something other than the power grid collapsing to keep you up at night just remember that the Governments Solution to the mess of junctions under Penn Station and 2 100+ year old Tunnels (2 tracks under the Hudson River, and 4 Tracks under the East River) being the only way in/ out of Manhattan on the Northeast Corridor (The Boston-NY-DC-Philadelphia-Chicago Rail Corridor) that could fail at any time is to put 2 new tracks under the Hudson River and end the line at the already inefficient Penn Station.

Not a lot of room to build new track space under Manhattan. Jersey transit and lirr being able to share tracks for platforms will massively increase the passenger load of penn station - Moynihan complex. The two new tunnels are necessary and they easily fit in the existing footprint. when complete and the existing tunnels repaired the complex will be ready to supply more than sufficient service for the next 30 years.

Now while I find this topic of great personal interest, its just not funny.

Yeah it would have been funnier if I brought up how one of the 3 architects was shot in the face on the roof of the old Madison Square Garden by one of the backers of the Station because he was a pedo, plus the crowd thought it was an act.

[Sciencizon Proximin]

The U.S. and Great Britain Almost went to war over the Eating of some potatoes and the shooting of a pig who ate the potatoes.

[Owlograd]

The whole assassination of Rasputin comes straight from a Comedy film!

[Chan Island]

Nothing being talked about right now is particularly funny.

No, it isn't, is it?

I've been considering for some time renaming this thread 'random one-sentence historical observations' since most active participants seem to have rather missed the point of the thread.

We do have plenty of evidence here that humour is subjective, that's for sure.

Anyway, my tip for the hat:

Draco, the ancient athenian ruler from whom we get the term "draconian", was actually quite popular in his own time. So popular in fact, that one time (according to legend) when he came before the people they, as was their custom for showing appreciation at the time, threw their hats at him.

... Hundreds of hats. Many hundreds upon hundreds of hats. So many that he suffocated and died in them.

Horrible Histories, if you want to give yourself a treat, made a stupid deaths sketch about it.

EDIT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIri2GMKze0

It is poor form to mention a horrible histories sketch and not post the link to it. That sin is now corrected.

[Ifreann]

No, it isn't, is it?

I've been considering for some time renaming this thread 'random one-sentence historical observations' since most active participants seem to have rather missed the point of the thread.

We do have plenty of evidence here that humour is subjective, that's for sure.

Anyway, my tip for the hat:

Draco, the ancient athenian ruler from whom we get the term "draconian", was actually quite popular in his own time. So popular in fact, that one time (according to legend) when he came before the people they, as was their custom for showing appreciation at the time, threw their hats at him.

... Hundreds of hats. Many hundreds upon hundreds of hats. So many that he suffocated and died in them.

Horrible Histories, if you want to give yourself a treat, made a stupid deaths sketch about it.

Hats off to old Draco.

[Farnhamia]

We do have plenty of evidence here that humour is subjective, that's for sure.

Anyway, my tip for the hat:

Draco, the ancient athenian ruler from whom we get the term "draconian", was actually quite popular in his own time. So popular in fact, that one time (according to legend) when he came before the people they, as was their custom for showing appreciation at the time, threw their hats at him.

... Hundreds of hats. Many hundreds upon hundreds of hats. So many that he suffocated and died in them.

Horrible Histories, if you want to give yourself a treat, made a stupid deaths sketch about it.

Hats off to old Draco.

Better than a turtle dropped on your head by a short-sighted bird.

[The Selkie]

There is a, sadly apocryphical, story about how Frederick the Great, Old Fritz, got the Prussians to grow and eat potatoes, at the time known as the Teufelsknolle (devil's tuber) and seen as no real alternative to wheat and other grains: He grew them on his own estates and let soldiers guard the fields.
Curious farmers then asked the soldiers what they were guarding and they said something to the effect of "some tuber for the King's meals", which got the farmers even more curious and, as soldiers were guarding them, these things seemed to be quite valuable. At night, the farmers then snuck in, stole some plants and grew them themselves, thus adopting the potato. The soldiers, in true Prussian fashion, had been order to overlook any stealing (in another version of the story, the soldiers were ordered to nap next to huge piles of potatoes on the fields and when a Prussian Officer orders you to nap, you nap, no matter who steals the King's potatoes).

Reality, sadly, has a much more dire background: Famine.
In 1746, Old Fritz issued the first Kartoffelbefehl (Potato Command) when there was a famine in Pomerania. In order to get not only his officials to do their utmost to get the farmers to grow the potatoes, but also to convince the farmers, he got Pastors to teach people how to grow and cook them. These people then were known as Knollenprediger (Potato Preacher), while officials were ordered to keep tabs on who grew potatoes and how many and how successfully.
At least 14 more Kartoffelbefehle are known.

It is also due to this, that Frederick the Great is credited with bringing the potato to Prussia. To this day, when one visits Old Fritz's grave in Sanssouci in Potsdam, it is custom to not lay flowers on it, but potatoes.

[Valentine Z]

This may fit a little, I believe. So here it is: Operation Tamarisk.

The intelligence operation that has the US, UK, and the French going through East Germany to get discarded Soviet military documents. Sounds pretty mundane, until you realise that they were searching through waste bins, and some of the documents even used as toilet paper. Something about most of the Soviet folks back then not realising what they are, so long as it's paper that can be used.

A crappy job, but it did get the job done (in fact, one of the most successful military operations). Probably the poor sods who pissed off their superiors may have gotten this task.

The details of the agents sifting through stained paper to read through them is probably best left vague.

[The Blaatschapen]

The patent of the fire hydrant was burned in a fire (along with a lot of other patents).

[Christian Confederation]

Stalin died because his Gaurds were to scared to check on him and all the doctors who could have saved him were in the gulag.

[Chan Island]

Another story of amusement: the trial of a forger... who's life depended on proving that he was in fact, a forger.

His name was Han van Meegeren. In the 1930s, he decided to study and perfect the art of the well known 17th century dutch painter Vermeer, and produced "newly discovered" paintings from an alleged early period in Vermeer's career. These forgeries sold for millions in today's money.

Now this is all well and good, a man who scammed the art world with very convincing fakes... but then the second world war happened. Deciding to profit off of the new management, Han van Meegeren sold one of his forgeries to Hermann Goring.

Nice, selling fake paintings to Nazis. Until the war is over and now he is the man who sold a priceless part of Dutch cultural heritage to the enemy! Hence now, we have a trial where he, in order to be found innocent, must prove that he is a forger who sold fakes to the Nazis, not the real deal.

I'll leave the rest of the story to some extra sources for your own amusement. The story doesn't end here and I kept it short for brevity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5JdbuBe6SY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6HA2Qo5lfk

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_van_Meegeren

[The Archregimancy]

Stalin died because his Gaurds were to scared to check on him and all the doctors who could have saved him were in the gulag.

Quite apart from not being particularly funny - the Death of Stalin does dark comedy around the events much better - this post is also untrue.

Stalin died two days after suffering a massive stroke. It's true that it took some time to discover him the morning after his stroke as he'd left strict orders with his guards the previous evening that he wasn't to be disturbed, but he was still alive when his housekeeper entered his personal quarters. But it would have made no difference. The stroke was so severe that he would have died regardless of how quickly he was discovered, and no matter who had offered him medical care. It's remarkable that he lingered on as long as he did, not that he died.


So congratulations, you're now offering us posts that are neither funny nor historically accurate.

[Farnhamia]

The patent of the fire hydrant was burned in a fire (along with a lot of other patents).

That's patently ... true.

[Frederick] Graff invented the modern fire hydrant in 1801.[8] His design had a hose-faucet outlet on a cylinder with a valve at the top. It is believed he held the patent for invention of the fire hydrant but this cannot be confirmed since the U.S. Patent Office burned down in 1836 and many records were destroyed.[9]

[The Blaatschapen]

Another story of amusement: the trial of a forger... who's life depended on proving that he was in fact, a forger.

His name was Han van Meegeren. In the 1930s, he decided to study and perfect the art of the well known 17th century dutch painter Vermeer, and produced "newly discovered" paintings from an alleged early period in Vermeer's career. These forgeries sold for millions in today's money.

Now this is all well and good, a man who scammed the art world with very convincing fakes... but then the second world war happened. Deciding to profit off of the new management, Han van Meegeren sold one of his forgeries to Hermann Goring.

Nice, selling fake paintings to Nazis. Until the war is over and now he is the man who sold a priceless part of Dutch cultural heritage to the enemy! Hence now, we have a trial where he, in order to be found innocent, must prove that he is a forger who sold fakes to the Nazis, not the real deal.

I'll leave the rest of the story to some extra sources for your own amusement. The story doesn't end here and I kept it short for brevity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5JdbuBe6SY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6HA2Qo5lfk

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_van_Meegeren

Thanks for this already mentioned story