Failing at life

[Julay]

I don't think it's ever too late for redemption... unless you've committed murder or something heinous like that. All it takes is a change of mindset, though to be fair... things aren't exactly looking good for the future, so "failing at life" may not be the individual's fault.

[New Britannia and Cascadia]

I mean...this is gonna be dark, please don't get mad I mean this as a joke but

if you are never born then you failed at life since you failed to reach the life stage

[New Britannia and Cascadia]

I don't think it's ever too late for redemption... unless you've committed murder or something heinous like that. All it takes is a change of mindset, though to be fair... things aren't exactly looking good for the future, so "failing at life" may not be the individual's fault.

That last clause is exactly right, 99% of the time, there are extenuating circumstances that lead people to a position to "fail at life." That doesn't mean you can say "it's not my fault" and do nothing, but some level of empathy needs to be in place to remember that people don't just choose to be failures.

[Saiwania]

The peak earning years for most people are supposedly in their 40s and if someone doesn't make it then, they probably never truly will (barring some exceptions) because of ageism and other challenges people have crossing 50+ years of age.

[Luziyca]

I guess you fail when you dont pass school and end up in some form of secondary education/construction industry related thing since thats literally what you spend the first 18 years of your life trying to achieve. If you're still living with your parents at like 25 you've obviously failed somewhere.

(emphasis mine)

If you are living with your parents past 25 and you're helping contribute to the household, whether it be by paying the bills, keeping it clean, or what not, I don't think you failed in life, especially since multigenerational households are the norm in many societies across the world, and I'd feel that given the state of many retirement homes, it'd be noble for you to take care of your parents, just as they took care of you.

That said, if you're just sitting on your ass all day doing literally fuckall except accumulate a massive porn stash, that's a problem in my opinion. Sure, it's not great compared to well, most things, but it's probably less of a failure for you to sit on your ass all day doing nothing than to be a serial killer.

[Mackiland]

If you are living with your parents past 25 and you're helping contribute to the household, whether it be by paying the bills, keeping it clean, or what not, I don't think you failed in life, especially since multigenerational households are the norm in many societies across the world, and I'd feel that given the state of many retirement homes, it'd be noble for you to take care of your parents, just as they took care of you.

That said, if you're just sitting on your ass all day doing literally fuckall except accumulate a massive porn stash, that's a problem in my opinion. Sure, it's not great compared to well, most things, but it's probably less of a failure for you to sit on your ass all day doing nothing than to be a serial killer.

I agree with this. One of my friends is 28 and still living with his parents but he works the job he enjoys and learns a lot and helps parents. And he has plans for the future and he's doing things that help him achieve those plans. So definitely, he hasn't failed at life.

I believe you fail at life when you don't do things that make you happy and/or create problems for your friends/family and at the same time are not trying to change anything.

Someone who works 24/7, makes money but never has time for their own self or/and their loved ones AND they don't do anything to change the situation, in my opinion, they have failed.

Someone who does nothing and uses (basically steals) resources of their family AND doesn't do anything to change the situation, they have also failed.

But if those two people are in the same situation but they have plans and are trying to change their situation, then they're doing well.

[Republic Of Ludwigsburg]

In my opinion, failing in life is not dying early, or being in debt. The failing of life in my eyes is being unable to pick up yourself down from bad things like debt or diseases. If your in a small debt, then it is easy to pay it back. But it is laziness that moves you back from doing that. That choice will keep you in worse and worse debt until you get arrested. Or you can work hard and pay it back and earn more money to get a better life.
It's not something that has a definition. It is different for everyone.

[Relden]

I have a friend who just sits at home, all day, every day. He goes to bed whenever he likes, he eats complete shit, and spends all day watching youtube, Netflix or playing video games. His mother pays for everything he does. As much as I like the guy, he is a failure and a truly evil person.

Conversely, I've moved out into my own house, I have a good job, I have a partner, some cars, savings, good physical health and many friends.

[Republic Of Ludwigsburg]

I have a friend who just sits at home, all day, every day. He goes to bed whenever he likes, he eats complete shit, and spends all day watching youtube, Netflix or playing video games. His mother pays for everything he does.

As much as I like the guy, he is a failure and a truly evil person.

Conversely, I've moved out into my own house, I have a good job, I have a partner, some cars, savings, good physical health and many friends.

SOME CARS? YOU A DOCTOR OR SMTH?

[Relden]

SOME CARS? YOU A DOCTOR OR SMTH?

Only one of them is an almost brand new car.

The others date back to between 2006 and 1971.

[New haven america]

Well, most of my HS graduating class graduated college early and got jobs in high ranking positions or started their own business right out of college.

Meanwhile, I'm posting on NSG.

...damn.

I guess it would be hard to feel like you failed at life if you never really keep up with your former high school classmates. Like, sure, I see many of them working jobs and given I'm still in university and haven't had proper employment, I feel like I am a bit of a failure myself, but at the same time, compared to many examples, I don't feel like I necessarily failed as badly in life.

Thanks for the pep talk Luz.

[Punished UMN]

I'm too disabled to find full-time work and live in the middle of nowhere anyway so there's not much to be had, it was pretty inevitable I would fail at life. I have no friends and have never had a partner or anything, turn 25 next month. Feels bad, but if I thought about it, I'd just shoot myself, so nothing to do about it.

[Risottia]

So, what do you think "failing at life" means, NSG? How, exactly, do you fail in life?

I'd say that the objective measure for a "life" to be "failed" would be living in a constant state of physiological and psychological stress, which can be measured objectively, by the way.
That said, stress is mostly caused by factors independent of one's choices (poverty, disease, famine, shitty job market, inavailability of decent housing...).
And anyway all you mortals will eventually "fail at life" sooner or later, so don't be too harsh on those who fail earlier than you'd expect to.

[Saiwania]

I'm too disabled to find full-time work and live in the middle of nowhere anyway so there's not much to be had, it was pretty inevitable I would fail at life. I have no friends and have never had a partner or anything, turn 25 next month. Feels bad, but if I thought about it, I'd just shoot myself, so nothing to do about it.

The best thing you could do is move if you have to. Even if its not where your family/friends are. You'd nonetheless find work easier if there are more people than where you're at. Tons of places solution to homeless people are to give them bus tickets to go somewhere else for work/resources and to keep doing that until they can find a place they can settle/establish themselves better.

[Punished UMN]

I'm too disabled to find full-time work and live in the middle of nowhere anyway so there's not much to be had, it was pretty inevitable I would fail at life. I have no friends and have never had a partner or anything, turn 25 next month. Feels bad, but if I thought about it, I'd just shoot myself, so nothing to do about it.

The best thing you could do is move if you have to. Even if its not where your family/friends are. You'd nonetheless find work easier if there are more people than where you're at. Tons of places solution to homeless people are to give them bus tickets to go somewhere else for work/resources and to keep doing that until they can find a place they can settle/establish themselves better.

I live in the middle of nowhere, there are no busses that run out here lol. I'm not sure I've ever even seen a bus other than a school bus. Besides, I wouldn't have anywhere to live in a city anyway.

[Saiwania]

I live in the middle of nowhere, there are no busses that run out here lol. I'm not sure I've ever even seen a bus other than a school bus. Besides, I wouldn't have anywhere to live in a city anyway.

Still better than staying if there is indeed no economy to speak of where you live. How are you on the internet if its as bad as you say it is and it generally costs money? There are homeless people in NYC for example, who never starve unless they choose to- because NYC is so rich overall. Anyone who doesn't want to stay poor in Appalachia for example, has long since moved away by now or do when they get the chance.

With the help of a shelter or enough skills building, most people eventually manage to get off the streets into at least minimum wage or working poor. With college or trade school, middle class or better assuming they have a support network to get into their chosen profession (if its in demand) and their location is where the jobs are. Rich is usually those who successfully built a great business or made good investments or multiple income sources if they're not old money.

[Luziyca]

So, what do you think "failing at life" means, NSG? How, exactly, do you fail in life?

I'd say that the objective measure for a "life" to be "failed" would be living in a constant state of physiological and psychological stress, which can be measured objectively, by the way.
That said, stress is mostly caused by factors independent of one's choices (poverty, disease, famine, shitty job market, inavailability of decent housing...).
And anyway all you mortals will eventually "fail at life" sooner or later, so don't be too harsh on those who fail earlier than you'd expect to.

I am not sure whether living under a constant state of stress is a good measure of "failing in life," since by that measure you basically fail at life due to a very shitty hand you've been dealt with at birth, especially since you do note that stress is caused by factors independent of one's choices, which means that it is ridiculously hard for someone to really be 100% at fault for all of these things.

As for death, well, it depends on the when, where, and how. Dying a long life in a bed at a hospice from old age is much less of a failure than, say, dying at the age of 20 in some random grain silo trying to win a Darwin Award.

[Punished UMN]

I live in the middle of nowhere, there are no busses that run out here lol. I'm not sure I've ever even seen a bus other than a school bus. Besides, I wouldn't have anywhere to live in a city anyway.

Still better than staying if there is indeed no economy to speak of where you live. How are you on the internet if its as bad as you say it is and it generally costs money? There are homeless people in NYC for example, who never starve unless they choose to- because NYC is so rich overall. Anyone who doesn't want to stay poor in Appalachia for example, has long since moved away by now or do when they get the chance.

With the help of a shelter or enough skills building, most people eventually manage to get off the streets into at least minimum wage or working poor. With college or trade school, middle class or better assuming they have a support network to get into their chosen profession (if its in demand) and their location is where the jobs are. Rich is usually those who successfully built a great business or made good investments or multiple income sources.

Because my family is rich and I live with them.

And again, the big problem with employment is that I am too disabled for most work.

[Relden]

I am not sure whether living under a constant state of stress is a good measure of "failing in life,"

I used to be very stressed, years ago.

Now, I never get stressed.

[Saiwania]

Because my family is rich and I live with them. And again, the big problem with employment is that I am too disabled for most work.

If your family is rich, what are they rich from? Get into the family business if you can. Its probably a huge advantage to perhaps not build your entire net worth from scratch if you don't have to. Just become a full time investor or landlord if your family is rich enough. Manage a hedge fund, real estate empire, or something. Wage work is usually inferior to capital gains.

[Neuer California]

I am not sure whether living under a constant state of stress is a good measure of "failing in life,"

I used to be very stressed, years ago.

Now, I never get stressed.

Your point being?

[New Britannia and Cascadia]

Still better than staying if there is indeed no economy to speak of where you live. How are you on the internet if its as bad as you say it is and it generally costs money? There are homeless people in NYC for example, who never starve unless they choose to- because NYC is so rich overall. Anyone who doesn't want to stay poor in Appalachia for example, has long since moved away by now or do when they get the chance.

With the help of a shelter or enough skills building, most people eventually manage to get off the streets into at least minimum wage or working poor. With college or trade school, middle class or better assuming they have a support network to get into their chosen profession (if its in demand) and their location is where the jobs are. Rich is usually those who successfully built a great business or made good investments or multiple income sources.

Because my family is rich and I live with them.

And again, the big problem with employment is that I am too disabled for most work.

Unless the reason for your disability is self-inflicted, I wouldn't say you're a failure just because you were born with (or was forced into) a disadvantaged position that you can never recover from. My brother has severe autism and will never be able to hold down a job because of it. But, he is living in a home with people that care about him and take care of him, and he does things like clean the house, he does his own laundry, etc. to the point where he's not a burden on the people that he lives with. Life gave him a shitty hand but he's doing the best he can with it, and as long as you do the same, then you're not a failure in my books. Obviously depending on the nature of your disability changes your potential to do such things, like if you're in a wheel chair certain tasks like sweeping up are going to be difficult or impossible, but if you do what you can to earn your keep, then you're succeeding in a bad situation.

[Relden]

Your point being?

My point is that I never get stressed.

[Latvijas Otra Republika]

Back when I was in high school, there was this one girl named Danyelle who was very smart and very cute. I had a huge crush on her, but never asked her out because I felt that she was out of my league. The last day I saw her was 14 years ago when we graduated. She came up in a conversation I had with an old mutual friend a couple months ago. She told me that Danyelle's life went downhill bigtime after high school. She dropped out of college, became a drug addict (marijuana, cocaine, LSD, ecstasy, amphetamine, pills, etc.), has never held a job longer than a few months, has been arrested multiple times, and been homeless twice. I looked her up on Facebook out of curiosity and what I saw on her profile pretty much confirmed this. Her recent photos on Facebook scared the crap out of me because she looks horrible now, almost like a zombie. Even though she is in her early 30s, she looks like she is almost 50.

She is a perfect example of failing at life here. She is also an example of "stupid is as stupid does."

And I suppose you're an example of 'walk a mile in his moccasins Before you abuse, criticize and accuse'.
It sounds like you were a complete stranger to her even then, if so how can you judge someone who is dealing with vices and struggles you don't really know or understand. Just because someone's been through the gutter doesn't make them stupid or a failure, it doesn't lessen them in any way because they're still human with as much worth as anyone else. When you're in that position it's often because of other people failing you.
People who struggle with addictions aren't zombies, anyone here could face it.

[Punished UMN]

Because my family is rich and I live with them. And again, the big problem with employment is that I am too disabled for most work.

If your family is rich, what are they rich from? Get into the family business if you can. Its probably a huge advantage to perhaps not build your entire net worth from scratch if you don't have to. Just become a full time investor or landlord if your family is rich enough. Manage a hedge fund, real estate empire, or something. Wage work is usually inferior to capital gains.

They work for the government, there is no family business.