You Are Jeff Bezos (Hypothetical)

[Resilient Acceleration]

If I can't spend money on the politics of fear/hatred or both, then I think how I want to spend money is on backing imperialism/empires. This is what I'd truly want, a return to the days of European colonialism only with better technology. If financing domestic issues doesn't pay off, why not play high stakes geopolitical games with money if you look outwards instead of inward? Foreign policy questions could become my bread and butter like is the case with Bill Kristol.

There is so much potential for sabotaging China's progress towards superpower status and so on, with enough funding and playing different sovereign states against eachother. Whoever the people were who sold the Iraq War of 2003 (which never even needed to happen) was so lucky if their aim was to secure perpetual arms sales/boons to the military industrial complex as a result of a conflict without clear end. They got what they wanted and more from Saddam being deposed.

I mean, ~$180bn is miniscule in terms of long-term global geopolitics. America spent around $2tn in Iraq and the result is a far worse Islamist radicalism while the country is increasing being taken over by Iran. There's a reason why China's model of new imperialism, which actually do create infrastructure and growth in victim states, prevails over pinheaded, short-term US national security hawks' model of "bombs everywhere".

[The 189]

I remember, there was a joke about such matter. "If ya' could choose between world peace and all the Bill Gates' money, then what Ferrari would ya' buy?"

If you have Bezos money, buying a Ferrari doesn't make much of a dent.

Ignoring the hypothetical for a moment and looking at the real world where you can keep some of the money or buy things for yourself... I think most people would buy themselves a comfy house and a nice car if they don't already have those things, but they'd still have money left for their charitable ideas that they posted.

[The Blaatschapen]

I'll go on a bender and spend it on blow and hookers.

Actually no, I'll spend it on NationStates. Every non-DEATed nation gets a postmaster general account.

Wait,I still have money left.

I buy a beer. Brewdog sounds nice. I buy them.

How much is the Greek national debt. I pay much of it off. They get a almost clean start. Back to only..
. Actually, that it is over 300 billion. Never mind, not touching that one.


I pay off my student loans.

I go for a UBI project. Universal basic income. All the dutch, no its also too little for more than a few months.

Back to my first plan I guess.

[Page]

I'm not going to do math and figure out what is a reasonable amount to spend on each thing, I'm just going to make a list. This list is the order things come to mind and not in order of importance.

- Fund and establish no kill animal shelters

- Give no strings attached money to homeless people

- Fund all services of Planned Parenthood including abortion

- Pay for advertising and lobbyists for maintaining the legality of kratom and overturning bans in states and countries where it's illegal

- A legal defense fund to get a lawyer for anyone charged with a victimless crime

- Lobbying for banning conversion therapy for gay and trans minors

- A transition fund for trans people in need + financial support for trans people who need to move out of transphobic homes

- Pay Hugh Laurie whatever it takes to bring back House, I want at least 4 more seasons

- Fund the biggest leftist/antifascist music festival the world has ever seen with rappers like Immortal Technique and Lowkey and punk and hardcore bands like Rise Against and Anti-Flag

- Pay for therapy for those who can't afford it

- Lobbying in US for mandatory paid maternity and paternity leave, paid vacation, and unlimited verified sick days

- Pay Amazon workers significantly higher wages including retroactively

- Anti-circumcision (of minors who can't consent) propaganda and lobbying

- Anti-prison lobbying and financial support for incarcerated people and their families

- Pay for a single player DLC for Red Dead Redemption 2 that will have at least 60 hours of new quests, also a lot more clothes

- Invest in kava bars all over the world

- Invest in ginger-flavored carbonated Yerba Mate

- Financial help for "apostates" who need to get out of their home or even their country

- Lobbying to make it easy and affordable for small businesses to grow legal weed for commercial sale, and contingent on the success of this endeavor, buy up the big weed companies and dissolve them so small businesses can grow and provide weed to their own communities

- Invest in spas and saunas

- Support the effort for an independent Kurdistan

- Lobbying against "right to work" laws and financial support for employees trying to start unions

- Lobbying and propaganda for single-payer health insurance in the US

- Establish a nonprofit payday lending company that charges only the minimum amount of interest to pay for overhead and break even

[Northern Socialist Council Republics]

Well, I’d be badly tempted to go on a hedonistic binge with all the best vacations that money can buy. :p

But since I don’t think I can even make a dent on that money with my own personal entertainment expenses no matter how much I indulge for the rest of my life:

A. Climate change fund to finance innovative energy research, decarbonisation projects, and political lobbying in favour of environmental action.

B. Global equity fund to finance social security and economic development in low and lower-middle income countries.

[Nevertopia]

nobody is reading OP anymore. You cant use his money to invest, save or donate.

[The Free Joy State]

I wonder how much of the 181 billion would be needed -- since we know, according to the OP, we can encourage Congress -- to encourage the legalisation of safe abortion in the 24 countries where it is still illegal and push through some liberalisations in the 43 nations where it is still heavily restricted, and to fortress its legality in the nations where access is threatened?

That sounds like a good project. Expensive, but worthwhile.

Then, while we're encouraging governments to do good deeds, getting rid of the US electoral college, bringing in PR in the UK, and getting them to vote for Universal Basic Income (to tackle poverty), scrapping zero hour contracts and firming up worker rights seems like a good use of Bezos' money.

Bezos' workers are definitely getting a pay-rise and better conditions (from what I hear, the Amazon warehouses do not sound pleasant places to work).

Then, Bezos' money will be tackling homelessness (£10 billion in the UK), funding clean water access and free medical care in disadvantaged nations, and an international scholarship programme aimed at offering bright students who may not otherwise get the chance funded education to graduate level.

And, I know this is an awful lot of expenditure. But, even without investment, the weekly interest on 181 billion is bound to add up.

[Shofercia]

You wake up one morning and, by some mystical misfortune, you find that you are the one and only Jeffrey Preston Bezos, owner of Amazon. Jeff Bezo's employees are now your employees, because you are Jeff Bezos.

Jeff Bezos' money is now your money, because you are Jeff Bezos. Nothing you can possibly say or do will ever convince anybody else that you are not, in fact, Jeff Bezos. His closest friends and family will fully believe that you are - and have always been - Jeff Bezos. You're the only one wise to what's true.

You stare in the bathroom mirror for some time wishing you weren't Jeff Bezos, but alas, you're Jeff Bezos now.

Now that you've accepted your present fate, it's time that you learn what your mission is. You've got to spend all of Jeff Bezos' money. Every cent of it. Maybe you get to return to your own body when you're done and become yourself again. Maybe not, but you'd still be the hero that spent all of Jeff Bezos' money.

And no, you cannot invest it, you may not keep it, and you cannot earn more of it. You can only spend it. And, for the purposes of this scenario, we're going to ignore that most of Bezos' wealth is locked away in stocks, investments, etc. We're going to pretend that his wealth is all cold, liquid-y cash, ripe for the spending. Failure to spend it all or try to save/invest/otherwise loophole your way to keeping the money or letting a proxy hold it on your behalf will result in your immediate arrest, where you can post bail for the remainder of your worth or be sentenced to life in prison, thereby forfeiting your worth to the state.

You, Jeff Bezos, have a wealth of $181,200,000,000. The question is, how do you spend it?

Can't think of anything? Need some recommendations?

For $22.7 billion, you can fund NASA for an entire year.
For $20 billion, you can end homelessness in the United States by ensuring every homeless person in America has a guaranteed roof over their head
For $15.8 billion, you can double every Amazon employee's pay
For $380 million, you could hypothetically buy enough of the members of Congress to abolish the electoral college
For $295 million, you could pay the back taxes Amazon owes to the European Union; this is enough money to host Eurovision nearly 12 times.
For $150 million, you could build ten fancy libraries
For $57.6 million, you could pay off 1,000 grad student's loans

Note that even if you choose all of these recommendations, you've got $121,817,400,000 left to spend. You better get to work.

So, how do you spend all of your money?

Me? I'd buy Congress to abolish the electoral college ($380 million), I'd end homelessness in the United States ($20 billion), I'd give $22.7 billion to NASA. Wow, I've still got 138 billion? Yikes. I'd double every Amazon employee's pay ($15.8 billion), then I'd double it again ($31.6 billion), and then I'd double it again ($63.2 billion). Hmmmm still got $27.5 billion to play with. I'd donate $7.5 billion to the Make a Wish Foundation. I'd donate $2.5 billion to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. I'd donate $2.5 billion to Habitat for Humanity. I'd donate $2.5 billion to the YMCA. I'd donate $2.5 billion to the American Red Cross. I'd donate $2.5 billion to the American Cancer Society. I'd donate $2.5 billion to Planned Parenthood. I'd donate $2.5 billion to the Appalachian Trail Conservancy. And I'd donate my last $2.5 billion to PBS.

End World Hunger.

[Engadine Mcdonalds 1997]

Start up my own version of Turning Point USA and PragerU promoting legitimately leftist politics, lobby congress into social welfare programs, lowering taxes on the 99% while skyrocketing taxes on the remaining 1% to cover the difference, also lobby congress into passing bills that would give the federal government to seize company assets if they refused to pay taxes with revenue generated onshore. Promote politicians that are in the same spectrum as Bernie Sanders and AOC into the public spotlight, continue with the whole lobbying thing and force shit like empowering the unions, raising the minimum wage, paid leave, superannuation, subsidizing renewable energies etc.

Oh and increase the wages of my workers to, I dunno, $20 an hour, allow them to also join unions without repercussions and all that other good shit that people not only want but need

[A m e n r i a]

Me omw to throw all that money to every single human genetic engineering research known to man, and several known to aliens.

You wake up one morning and, by some mystical misfortune, you find that you are the one and only Jeffrey Preston Bezos, owner of Amazon. Jeff Bezo's employees are now your employees, because you are Jeff Bezos.

Jeff Bezos' money is now your money, because you are Jeff Bezos. Nothing you can possibly say or do will ever convince anybody else that you are not, in fact, Jeff Bezos. His closest friends and family will fully believe that you are - and have always been - Jeff Bezos. You're the only one wise to what's true.

You stare in the bathroom mirror for some time wishing you weren't Jeff Bezos, but alas, you're Jeff Bezos now.

Now that you've accepted your present fate, it's time that you learn what your mission is. You've got to spend all of Jeff Bezos' money. Every cent of it. Maybe you get to return to your own body when you're done and become yourself again. Maybe not, but you'd still be the hero that spent all of Jeff Bezos' money.

And no, you cannot invest it, you may not keep it, and you cannot earn more of it. You can only spend it. And, for the purposes of this scenario, we're going to ignore that most of Bezos' wealth is locked away in stocks, investments, etc. We're going to pretend that his wealth is all cold, liquid-y cash, ripe for the spending. Failure to spend it all or try to save/invest/otherwise loophole your way to keeping the money or letting a proxy hold it on your behalf will result in your immediate arrest, where you can post bail for the remainder of your worth or be sentenced to life in prison, thereby forfeiting your worth to the state.

You, Jeff Bezos, have a wealth of $181,200,000,000. The question is, how do you spend it?

Can't think of anything? Need some recommendations?

For $22.7 billion, you can fund NASA for an entire year.
For $20 billion, you can end homelessness in the United States by ensuring every homeless person in America has a guaranteed roof over their head
For $15.8 billion, you can double every Amazon employee's pay
For $380 million, you could hypothetically buy enough of the members of Congress to abolish the electoral college
For $295 million, you could pay the back taxes Amazon owes to the European Union; this is enough money to host Eurovision nearly 12 times.
For $150 million, you could build ten fancy libraries
For $57.6 million, you could pay off 1,000 grad student's loans

Note that even if you choose all of these recommendations, you've got $121,817,400,000 left to spend. You better get to work.

So, how do you spend all of your money?

Me? I'd buy Congress to abolish the electoral college ($380 million), I'd end homelessness in the United States ($20 billion), I'd give $22.7 billion to NASA. Wow, I've still got 138 billion? Yikes. I'd double every Amazon employee's pay ($15.8 billion), then I'd double it again ($31.6 billion), and then I'd double it again ($63.2 billion). Hmmmm still got $27.5 billion to play with. I'd donate $7.5 billion to the Make a Wish Foundation. I'd donate $2.5 billion to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. I'd donate $2.5 billion to Habitat for Humanity. I'd donate $2.5 billion to the YMCA. I'd donate $2.5 billion to the American Red Cross. I'd donate $2.5 billion to the American Cancer Society. I'd donate $2.5 billion to Planned Parenthood. I'd donate $2.5 billion to the Appalachian Trail Conservancy. And I'd donate my last $2.5 billion to PBS.

End World Hunger.

Karl Marx smiles down upon you, comrade.

[Trollzyn the Infinite]

I'd buy the entire federal government, fire everybody in it, and replace them all with dogs.

[The Blaatschapen]

I'd buy the entire federal government, fire everybody in it, and replace them all with dogs.

I am sure their governing will be pupular.

For example, the budget on parks will massively increase.

[Kannap]

I'd buy the entire federal government, fire everybody in it, and replace them all with dogs.

Massive improvement.

[The Blaatschapen]

I'd buy the entire federal government, fire everybody in it, and replace them all with dogs.

Massive improvement.

Mastiff improvement you mean?

[Marxist Germany]

Jeff Bezos does not have, nor has he ever had, $180 billion in liquid assets. Liquidating almost 200 billion dollars of stocks is a near-impossible task.

[Kannap]

Jeff Bezos does not have, nor has he ever had, $180 billion in liquid assets. Liquidating almost 200 billion dollars of stocks is a near-impossible task.

The OP addresses that, yes.

And, for the purposes of this scenario, we're going to ignore that most of Bezos' wealth is locked away in stocks, investments, etc. We're going to pretend that his wealth is all cold, liquid-y cash, ripe for the spending.

We know that the overwhelming majority of his worth isn't liquid. Do you want to remind us that it's impossible to wake up as a completely different person than who you fell asleep as next?

[Miku the Based]

I'll spend it all on killing myself and find the most expensive way to cremate the body and prevent any techbros from forming a terrorist cult around my grave by finding the most expensive way to scatter my remains into the the widest area of vast deep space.

[Heloin]

It’d likely turn out just as successful as Mark Thatcher’s coup attempt in 2004 and end in a big dumb mess.

With a trillion dollars, you could fund a private army large enough to overthrow a mid-sized nation. You could also fund existing rebel groups, buy companies to generate money to fund those groups, buy the mercenary companies themselves, etc.

Jeff Bezos doesn’t have a trillion dollars and the idea the you can just spend enough money to make a problem go away is why larger countries keep bogging themselves down in irregular conflicts.

[Ethel mermania]

Hookers and cocaine.

For every American citizen, till the cash runs out.

[The Blaatschapen]

Hookers and cocaine.

For every American citizen, till the cash runs out.

I feel left out.

[Resilient Acceleration]

I'll spend it all on killing myself and find the most expensive way to cremate the body and prevent any techbros from forming a terrorist cult around my grave by finding the most expensive way to scatter my remains into the the widest area of vast deep space.

...do people even like Jeff Bezos? He's not, you know, Elon Musk.

[Ethel mermania]

Hookers and cocaine.

For every American citizen, till the cash runs out.

I feel left out.

Not quite enough money for the world, sorry. You will have to come here and convert.

[National Capitalist United States]

It's hard to say what it'd be like, other than that it'd be pretty dang good for me. But the outside world would perhaps find it "controversial" because other than spending on assets/things that'll keep me rich- I'd plan to also spend on what is seen as "evil" things, with the only line that I draw being that I don't want to do anything I could be criminally charged for.

Would still use my vast resources to maybe back neo-Nazi coups overseas, sending money to racist organizations to pit them against eachother to cause outcomes I hope for or to build the alt-right's message, maybe purchasing this website to turn it into my personal playground where the policies are vastly different and so on.

The one thing that'd be beneficial that I do want to push hard for is a global ban on plastic and to somehow make it so that people just don't know how to make it anymore, and we can't until we know how to easily remove the plastic that's polluted the planet/food chain already.

If I can't spend money on the politics of fear/hatred or both, then I think how I want to spend money is on backing imperialism/empires. This is what I'd truly want, a return to the days of European colonialism only with better technology. If financing domestic issues doesn't pay off, why not play high stakes geopolitical games with money if you look outwards instead of inward? Foreign policy questions could become my bread and butter like is the case with Bill Kristol.

There is so much potential for sabotaging China's progress towards superpower status and so on, with enough funding and playing different sovereign states against eachother. Whoever the people were who sold the Iraq War of 2003 (which never even needed to happen) was so lucky if their aim was to secure perpetual arms sales/boons to the military industrial complex as a result of a conflict without clear end. They got what they wanted and more from Saddam being deposed.

Holy fuck all this is absolutely horrible how are you not on a government watchlist somewhere

I don't think a keyboard warrior NEET is really a priority for the goverment

[Cereskia]

i'll do drones

[Xomista]

I'll buy a few islands and try to play nation states in real life