You Are Jeff Bezos (Hypothetical)

[Tyunmen]

Buy nation-states in order to stop this topic from coming into existence. And buy the entire-united states government so I can make mandatory-Star wars day, on may the 4th just because I can.

[Xmara]

With that much money, I could practically fix the world. I would:

End homelessness
Double Amazon employees' pay
Improve global distribution of the COVID-19 vaccine and ensure that even the poorest countries can get enough doses for their people so we can finally end this pandemic
Actually I would work on improving access to all vaccines all around the world. There's only a few countries left where polio is endemic. I could fund an aggressive vaccine campaign that could send polio the way of smallpox.
Fund clean water access

Point is, if I had that much money, I would just want to help people.

[Yetibet]

I would buy the entire country of Liechtenstein since it is really small.

But it would cost a lot more than you have, Jeff: Lichtenstein is loaded with banking money.

[Heloin]

I wish my answer was this deep but no, I just want to throw everyone a pizza party. I like pizza.

And what are we putting on the pizza?

Well mine's going to have pineapple and pepperoni. What do you want on yours? I have more money then anyone knows what to do with, I can definitely get everyone their prefect personal pizza for the Jeff Bezos Worldwide Pizza Party.

[Farnhamia]

I would buy the entire country of Liechtenstein since it is really small.

But it would cost a lot more than you have, Jeff: Lichtenstein is loaded with banking money.

That money doesn't belong to Lichtenstein, though.

[Yetibet]

But it would cost a lot more than you have, Jeff: Lichtenstein is loaded with banking money.

That money doesn't belong to Lichtenstein, though.

No, but it does belong to people who want Prince Hans Adam II to own the country.

[Kannap]

Buy nation-states in order to stop this topic from coming into existence. And buy the entire-united states government so I can make mandatory-Star wars day, on may the 4th just because I can.

This topic already exists, buying NationStates - if Max would sell it to you - would not keep this topic from becoming

[Xmara]

That money doesn't belong to Lichtenstein, though.

No, but it does belong to people who want Prince Hans Adam II to own the country.

Buy the country from him. If he doesn't relent, then sue the pants off of him.

[Kannap]

I would buy the entire country of Liechtenstein since it is really small.

But it would cost a lot more than you have, Jeff: Lichtenstein is loaded with banking money.

They have a GDP of only about 6 billion

[Hammer Britannia]

Honestly, if possible, I'd try to hide my networth as much as possible. Not for tax-evasion purposes, just because I don't want people to know I am rich.

As for what I would spend it on? I'd probably just go nomad for the rest of my life, happily knowing I always have a safety net. When I am finally about to kick the bucket? I'm donating it all to charities + my family. Knowing my lifestyle, I couldn't have spent more than a million if that. So all that money is gonna go to cancer research, child care organizations, education, socialist advocacy groups, and my cousin Andreas if he's still kicking by then.

[Nevertopia]

How do I spend it all? Simple, I let my workers unionize, submit to all their union initiatives and pay my taxes. Giving all my employees raises is not charity btw, thats called cost of business.
I use my money to lobby the government to proportionally tax the morbidly rich such as myself and then pay it. That alone will cost most of my fortune as other rich folk fight me to prevent it. It'll be a money fight if you will.

Next I'll go buy up as much property as I can, and start selling it off for less, like for thousands of dollars to first-time homeowners instead of investors, with a contract that says they cant sell the property for minimum 15yrs and if the home gets damaged/destroyed they have to give it back to me free of charge on the grounds that I find them suitable housing. This is also not investing because Im not making money from it as Im specifically deflating my price.

After that I'd buy as many loans I can from the banks and pay them all off myself.

So paying taxes, letting my workers unionize, paying my workers, paying off the debt that I now owe from buying everyone elses and deflating the housing market should make me broke while meeting all of the criteria.

[Tocan Isle]

How do I spend it all? Simple, I let my workers unionize, submit to all their union initiatives and pay my taxes. Giving all my employees raises is not charity btw, thats called cost of business.
I use my money to lobby the government to proportionally tax the morbidly rich such as myself and then pay it. That alone will cost most of my fortune as other rich folk fight me to prevent it. It'll be a money fight if you will.

Next I'll go buy up as much property as I can, and start selling it off for less, like for thousands of dollars to first-time homeowners instead of investors, with a contract that says they cant sell the property for minimum 15yrs and if the home gets damaged/destroyed they have to give it back to me free of charge on the grounds that I find them suitable housing. This is also not investing because Im not making money from it as Im specifically deflating my price.

After that I'd buy as many loans I can from the banks and pay them all off myself.

So paying taxes, letting my workers unionize, paying my workers, paying off the debt that I now owe from buying everyone elses and deflating the housing market should make me broke while meeting all of the criteria.

EXACTLY!

[Akerti]

As Bezos, knowing I am cursed never to be my carefree self again, I will become a careless monster:

All money - fund research into cultist brainwashing, including (but not limited to):
a. pathogenic restructuring of host's brain patterns using both viral and bacterial agents
b. audio and visual hallucinogenic compound experimentation, with trigger-cue systems
c. reanimation of dead tissue within electronic/ robotic frameworks, with partnered living remote
d. orphanage and troubled youth reeducation programs into super-soldier off-shoots


The Legend of the Bezos will be known!

[Australian rePublic]

I'd quadriple Amazon staff's pay and from the remainder, I'd donate half to charity and invest the other half globally in infrastructure projects. Those infrastructure projects wouldn't be investments, but passion projects and mostly donated to the communities I built them for

[Frontier Isles]

I would invest that money in the stock market to prevent the devaluation of that money caused by the rampant inflation taking place in the USA.

[Auphelia]

And no, you cannot invest it, you may not keep it, and you cannot earn more of it. You can only spend it. And, for the purposes of this scenario, we're going to ignore that most of Bezos' wealth is locked away in stocks, investments, etc. We're going to pretend that his wealth is all cold, liquid-y cash, ripe for the spending. Failure to spend it all or try to save/invest/otherwise loophole your way to keeping the money or letting a proxy hold it on your behalf will result in your immediate arrest, where you can post bail for the remainder of your worth or be sentenced to life in prison, thereby forfeiting your worth to the state.

So in this hypothetical, is it also assumed that we cannot buy things for ourselves? Or does that count as spending the money? I know we cannot have others hold the money, but if we bought something of significant worth for personal use, would that result in our arrest?

Because I have a crippling desire for gobs and gobs, piles and miles of expensive jewellery. Even so, I don't think I could even dent his fortune if I bought every necklace or broach or tiara I ever wanted.

[Luxenermy]

I would buy random pieces of real estate and give them away, paying for targeted ads similar in style to this to inform people of their free real estate.

[503]

I'd use 99% of it to fund socialist and progressive movements around the world. In particular I want to ensure class consciousness, abortion rights, women's equality, climate awareness, and income equality. The remaining few billion I'll use to build myself a lovely replica of Kyoto Imperial Palace.

[Kannap]

And no, you cannot invest it, you may not keep it, and you cannot earn more of it. You can only spend it. And, for the purposes of this scenario, we're going to ignore that most of Bezos' wealth is locked away in stocks, investments, etc. We're going to pretend that his wealth is all cold, liquid-y cash, ripe for the spending. Failure to spend it all or try to save/invest/otherwise loophole your way to keeping the money or letting a proxy hold it on your behalf will result in your immediate arrest, where you can post bail for the remainder of your worth or be sentenced to life in prison, thereby forfeiting your worth to the state.

So in this hypothetical, is it also assumed that we cannot buy things for ourselves? Or does that count as spending the money? I know we cannot have others hold the money, but if we bought something of significant worth for personal use, would that result in our arrest?

Because I have a crippling desire for gobs and gobs, piles and miles of expensive jewellery. Even so, I don't think I could even dent his fortune if I bought every necklace or broach or tiara I ever wanted.

I'd say buying things for personal ownership and use is still keeping wealth, wherein you're supposed to be giving it all away.

[Heloin]

I’m going to be honest I only half skimmed the op before I decided the have a pizza party, I didn’t know I couldn’t keep the money. If this is the case am I allowed to have pizza at the world wide pizza party?

[The Sakhalinsk Empire]

I would buy the entire country of Liechtenstein since it is really small.

That sounds like a good loophole. I would buy a country in which Interpol does not have jurisdiction - say, Taiwan (I'm literally a trillionaire) - and just hide out there. If I were really evil, after buying Taiwan, I would give it to mainland China and hide out there which would further decrease my chances of a CIA assassination.

[Saiwania]

It's hard to say what it'd be like, other than that it'd be pretty dang good for me. But the outside world would perhaps find it "controversial" because other than spending on assets/things that'll keep me rich- I'd plan to also spend on what is seen as "evil" things, with the only line that I draw being that I don't want to do anything I could be criminally charged for.

Would still use my vast resources to maybe back neo-Nazi coups overseas, sending money to racist organizations to pit them against eachother to cause outcomes I hope for or to build the alt-right's message, maybe purchasing this website to turn it into my personal playground where the policies are vastly different and so on.

The one thing that'd be beneficial that I do want to push hard for is a global ban on plastic and to somehow make it so that people just don't know how to make it anymore, and we can't until we know how to easily remove the plastic that's polluted the planet/food chain already.

[Xmara]

It's hard to say what it'd be like, other than that it'd be pretty dang good for me. But the outside world would perhaps find it "controversial" because other than spending on assets/things that'll keep me rich- I'd plan to also spend on what is seen as "evil" things, with the only line that I draw being that I don't want to do anything I could be criminally charged for.

Would still use my vast resources to maybe back neo-Nazi coups overseas, sending money to racist organizations to pit them against eachother to cause outcomes I hope for or to build the alt-right's message, maybe purchasing this website to turn it into my personal playground where the policies are vastly different and so on.

The one thing that'd be beneficial that I do want to push hard for is a global ban on plastic and to somehow make it so that people just don't know how to make it anymore, and we can't until we know how to easily remove the plastic that's polluted the planet/food chain already.

Pretty sure that you would be breaking the law in some way, shape, or form if you did that.

[Saiwania]

Pretty sure that you would be breaking the law in some way, shape, or form if you did that.

If you're rich enough, it is perhaps a good play to do everything you can to change the laws such that nothing you do is illegal. You can buy the government to try to become it unto yourself if you crave unlimited power and freedoms. In any case, overthrowing democracy to install a yes man or a favorable regime (if I personally can't lead it) is high on the agenda.

[National Capitalist United States]

Pretty sure that you would be breaking the law in some way, shape, or form if you did that.

If you're rich enough, it is perhaps a good play to do everything you can to change the laws such that nothing you do is illegal. You can buy the government to try to become it unto yourself if you crave unlimited power and freedoms. In any case, overthrowing democracy to install a yes man or a favorable regime (if I personally can't lead it) is high on the agenda.

There's a 100% that you wouldn't lead it