Is there a responsibility to come out?

[Adamede]

I’ve known a few people who would be putting themselves in harms way if they came out.

You don’t owe anyone else anything in this world frankly.

[Deus Ignis]

I go the 'Don't ask don't tell' policy - if you're gay I don't want to know (that's your business not mine)

[Borderlands of Rojava]

What they don't know can't hurt them. Come out when you're ready, not because you feel you got to.

[Borderlands of Rojava]

I go the 'Don't ask don't tell' policy - if you're gay I don't want to know (that's your business not mine)

Why don't you wanna know? I mean would it be bad if you did?

[Auristania]

Personally, I don't believe that there is a responsibility to come out. Too many people, famous or not, can't safely come out and their safety comes before political concerns. A better way to combat bias would be to educate people on the facts, which would be more effective and less likely to risk anyone's safety or mental health. Essentially, coming out should be a personal choice only.

I agree. In USA, there is some residual anti-gay prejudice, therefore the more people who come out, the quicker that prejudice will dissipate. In many countries, they will kill you for being gay, or at least non fatal persecution if you are lucky.

In those stans, lots of people coming out might reduce prejudice, but it is such an huge risk.

[Kannap]

I go the 'Don't ask don't tell' policy - if you're gay I don't want to know (that's your business not mine)

I don't want to know if people are straight but I have to hear about it every day. We don't always get what we want.

[Ors Might]

I’ve had bad luck during the few times I’ve tried to come out so I’ve more a less adopted a “it ain’t their business” mentality. It helps that I don’t really feel the need or a desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationship at this stage in my life.

[Adamede]

I’ve had bad luck during the few times I’ve tried to come out so I’ve more a less adopted a “it ain’t their business” mentality. It helps that I don’t really feel the need or a desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationship at this stage in my life.

I’m sorry to hear that. But I feel you on the life stage thing.

[Destyntine]

I honestly have been in many situations where I question to myself if I should tell a specific person that I am bisexual. Sometimes the best thing to do is to be picky with who I should admit this to. I know some people who would change their entire view towards me if I ‘had to’ come out to them.

Choosing who to come out to should be completely personal, and nobody should be forced to announce their preferences to the public. Why does the public even care about my preferences unless they use it as an excuse to try and shame me.

[The Horror Channel]

No, and I really don't care.

[Page]

I honestly have been in many situations where I question to myself if I should tell a specific person that I am bisexual. Sometimes the best thing to do is to be picky with who I should admit this to. I know some people who would change their entire view towards me if I ‘had to’ come out to them.

Choosing who to come out to should be completely personal, and nobody should be forced to announce their preferences to the public. Why does the public even care about my preferences unless they use it as an excuse to try and shame me.

"What kind of biphobe might this person be?" is a fun game. Is it the gay man who says I'm still half way in the closet? Is it the heteroflexible woman who thinks making out with her roommate in college was just one of those things but men who have sex with men are disgusting? Is it the classic "make up your mind" type?

Yeah, best to not bother.

[Ifreann]

I think if you're having sex with a person, they can make a pretty good guess about your sexual orientation.

Not really. Closeted homosexual and asexual people often get into heterosexual relationships by repressing their sexuality.

That's why I said "pretty good guess". There are also bi- and pansexual people, and non-binary people.

Those people should be honest with their partners.

If we were living in a world totally free of discrimination and bigotry based on sexual orientation then sure, if you're hoping to have a healthy relationship with someone then you should probably tell them about yourself. But in the current world where stuff is shit, I wouldn't fault people for keeping quiet about their orientation if they feel they need to.

[Heloin]

The question is wrong. In an ideal world it should be everyone else's responsibility to be supportive of people who do and understanding of people who don't. It shouldn't be anyone's responsibility to have justify themselves, even for those who are fine staying in the closet.

[Nevertopia]

The question is wrong. In an ideal world it should be everyone else's responsibility to be supportive of people who do and understanding of people who don't. It shouldn't be anyone's responsibility to have justify themselves, even for those who are fine staying in the closet.

youre wrong the question is right, we dont live in an ideal world.

[A-Series-Of-Tubes]

How much risk is involved? Being Out is making up the numbers and standing in support of other LGBTQ whether they are out or not. A person who is more secure (in social status, job security, physical capability of defense) should feel some responsibility to Come Out, but a person who is vulnerable in any of those ways, probably shouldn't. There's risk in anything, it's the degree of risk (particularly physical risk) which makes the difference between Yes and No to this question.

I would say it is always virtuous to Come Out. But only an obligation if one is prominent and secured in one's career and person.

[Bombadil]

Rachel Maddow is wrong, and she is a bit of an annoying person too. We straight people don't have a 'responsibility' to announce to everybody we meet and to say to the cameras "I'm straight" so it would be unfair for gay people to be told that they have a 'responsibility' as Rachel puts it. If any gay person doesn't want to reveal their sexuality then that's fine.

Well there's no issue with announcing you're straight, no one would bat an eyelid. This should be the same case being gay, it shouldn't have to be a thing to come out because it shouldn't be an issue.

So I'm going against the grain of this thread to say it is a responsibility but that doesn't mean it's not a choice. I wouldn't begrudge anyone for not taking that choice but, for me, the very hiding of one's sexuality is to feel it's wrong. It's not, and that feeling shouldn't be present and I would feel that if more people were entirely casual about mentioning their sexuality then it would become more normalised.

[Adamede]

The question is wrong. In an ideal world it should be everyone else's responsibility to be supportive of people who do and understanding of people who don't. It shouldn't be anyone's responsibility to have justify themselves, even for those who are fine staying in the closet.

youre wrong the question is right, we dont live in an ideal world.

You still don’t owe people something like that. Your sexuality and your well being is ultimately your business.

[Heloin]

The question is wrong. In an ideal world it should be everyone else's responsibility to be supportive of people who do and understanding of people who don't. It shouldn't be anyone's responsibility to have justify themselves, even for those who are fine staying in the closet.

youre wrong the question is right, we dont live in an ideal world.

The lack of an ideal world means that everyone else has failed, not that anyone should feel the need to justify their own existence.

[Geneviev]

Rachel Maddow is wrong, and she is a bit of an annoying person too. We straight people don't have a 'responsibility' to announce to everybody we meet and to say to the cameras "I'm straight" so it would be unfair for gay people to be told that they have a 'responsibility' as Rachel puts it. If any gay person doesn't want to reveal their sexuality then that's fine.

Well there's no issue with announcing you're straight, no one would bat an eyelid. This should be the same case being gay, it shouldn't have to be a thing to come out because it shouldn't be an issue.

So I'm going against the grain of this thread to say it is a responsibility but that doesn't mean it's not a choice. I wouldn't begrudge anyone for not taking that choice but, for me, the very hiding of one's sexuality is to feel it's wrong. It's not, and that feeling shouldn't be present and I would feel that if more people were entirely casual about mentioning their sexuality then it would become more normalised.

Hiding it could be for different reasons. People could think it's completely normal and still not want to come out because they worry about what other people think. It's not always about feeling like it's wrong.

[Farnhamia]

What Maddow said ...

1. Gay people — generally speaking — have a responsibility to our own community and to future generations of gay people to come out, if and when we feel that we can.

2. We should all get to decide for ourselves the “if and when we feel that we can” part of that.

3. Closeted people should reasonably expect to be outed by other gay people if (and only if) they prey on the gay community in public, but are secretly gay themselves.