Is there a responsibility to come out?

[Auzkhia]

No. How you disclose your identity, with gender and/or sexual orientation, is up to you and you only.

You may feel some reasons to come out and live openly, or you may feel some reasons to hide and keep your head down. Either is a valid path to take in life. Coming out as anything but cisgender and heterosexual should not be needed, though it is to show that we're here, we're queer, and that we won't hide in shame, though one's safety is important too. Pride and or safety? Must one have to choose? I don't hide my gender and sexuality, but also I don't know what people see me as exactly with regards to those. I generally am seen as a woman, for all intents and purposes, it is much better than being seen as a man. Though I'm genderqueer and my gender doesn't always fit in with womanhood.

I'm kinda a lesbian, though usually say queer. I think the only time when people see that is if I am with any of my partners, all of which are transfeminine people, my wife is non-binary like me though, my girlfriends are trans women. Usually people see, at best- i hope, two women holding hands. I generally feel safe to do so where I live. But like I guess I'd be careful if it were a more conservative area. I don't consider myself to be closeted at all, though I am out on my own accord to my friends and family— and of course my lovers. With my gender? Well, I guess I kinda am stealth but not really? You cannot really "pass" as non-binary. I often get called miss or ma'am in public. Though misgendering with a sir happens sometimes, it's much more rare. Though last work I had, people used my pronouns without any prompting besides my usually feminine presentation. It's much better than people flubbing pronouns and even deadnaming me. I don't tell strangers or coworkers I'm trans, though some people do clock me. It's weird, but like if a person cannot really process non-binary genders, treating me as female would suffice.

---

I believe the only responsibility is to your sexual partner. It's not anyone else's business.

I think if you're having sex with a person, they can make a pretty good guess about your sexual orientation.

*has sex with a woman*

Are we just straight galpals? I wonder if she likes me? Is she gay?

[Geneviev]

A lot of public figures have already come out, but that hasn't really normalized anything either. I don't think that's how it works. Other than that, I do agree with you.

Thats not quite correct, folks coming out has helped normalize gay folks in society and societies acceptance of gays as well. In 1961 it was illegal to be in a Sodomous relationship in 49 out of the 50 states. If you were outed back then, there would have been a pretty decent chance of you being fired with grounds, if not assaulted. So public folks coming out as gay has helped the gay rights movement in general.

My issue with Rachel's statement is that as usual she says things without thinking because they sound good. It takes no account for the circumstances in someone's life.

Again whether you are happier in or out is a very different question, but its not what Rachel is talking about.

Those things still happen in other countries, though. And homophobia still exists. There hasn't been that much change, and I would say that change doesn't really come from public figures coming out.

[Nuroblav]

I mean, it may certainly help others that might not be as confident in doing so, but at the end of the day you're right. Not as such a 'responsibility' but a choice someone makes themselves, to those they trust, at a time they feel best.

[Ethel mermania]

Thats not quite correct, folks coming out has helped normalize gay folks in society and societies acceptance of gays as well. In 1961 it was illegal to be in a Sodomous relationship in 49 out of the 50 states. If you were outed back then, there would have been a pretty decent chance of you being fired with grounds, if not assaulted. So public folks coming out as gay has helped the gay rights movement in general.

My issue with Rachel's statement is that as usual she says things without thinking because they sound good. It takes no account for the circumstances in someone's life.

Again whether you are happier in or out is a very different question, but its not what Rachel is talking about.

Those things still happen in other countries, though. And homophobia still exists. There hasn't been that much change, and I would say that change doesn't really come from public figures coming out.

Gay folks can get married in the states now, gay people don't get the crap beat out of them for being gay as a matter of course. Gay people can sue if they are being discrimated against. there has been quite a bit of change. I think you are quite wrong.

[ArranVidLand]

Rachel Maddow is wrong, and she is a bit of an annoying person too. We straight people don't have a 'responsibility' to announce to everybody we meet and to say to the cameras "I'm straight" so it would be unfair for gay people to be told that they have a 'responsibility' as Rachel puts it. If any gay person doesn't want to reveal their sexuality then that's fine.

[Page]

I have not come out as bisexual to my family. Everyone who isn't related to me knows, my wife knew from the start of our relationship, all my friends and acquaintances know, but my family doesn't and I prefer to keep it that way.

My parents aren't even particularly bigoted compared to a lot of other people, well, they're not homophobic but they're biphobic in the sense that they deny the existence of bisexuality or think it's libertine behavior, but they wouldn't disown me and they would probably get over it. And I don't live with them or depend on them anyway. I really have nothing to lose by coming out.

So why don't I do it? Because I have nothing to gain either. I don't need their validation or acceptance, it took me 2 years of therapy to realize that and I'm not going back. And all that would result is them being weird about it, my mom saying "don't tell the family" just as she doesn't want any of her relatives to know about my mental issues or my drug use or my employment history.

I'm in a monogamous marriage with a woman anyway but even if I was still single and hooking up, I still wouldn't tell them. The headache just isn't worth it.

I had the same attitude toward certain people who have hurt me. I have absolutely nothing to gain by reporting the crime, talking to police, going to court and for what, so that person is punished? What does that do for me? Nothing. I just move on and never deal with them again.

Anyway, back to LGBT, no, there is no coming out responsibility, and anyone who thinks there is are probably mostly privileged people, what's the worst they have to deal with, some tasteless jokes and microaggressions from their dad? For some people it's life and death. Same goes for people who stop believing in the religion they were raised in, wear the mask and go through the motions for as long as you need to if it keeps you safe.

And even if you're not in danger and just want to avoid a headache, that's fine too! You don't have a responsibility to come out and you shouldn't stake your well-being on anyone accepting/validating you.

[Molither]

No one should be forced out of the closet against their will (Apart from those who are secretly Gay yet espouse homophobic views)

[Sarzonia]

I think people said that about 10 years ago or so when there were fewer LGBTQIA+ role models than there are now. People want to see themselves represented in media. It's why seeing a Black/South Asian woman sworn in as Vice President of the United States was so powerful.

If a kid out there feels alone because they're transgender or non-binary and someone they idolize comes out as trans* or non-binary, they have someone to look up to who reflects their reality. It's incredibly freeing because they know they aren't alone in feeling the way they do.

With that said, each person has their own journey to navigate through life. Not everyone feels that they're able to stay in the crucible of the public eye when it comes to being out of whatever closet they found themselves hiding in. People who support the LGBTQIA+ community from the closet deserve the chance to come out on their own terms when THEY'RE ready.

The above does not apply to people like former Rep. Aaron Schock, who voted against the LGBTQIA+ community at every turn during his tenure in Congress. They deserve whatever fate has in store for them.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Nope. If a person wishes to reveal their sexual orientation, that’s their choice. They have no responsibility to do anything if they don’t want to reveal it.

[Sicilian Imperial-Capitalist Empire]

If you feel like coming out, then do it. If you don't, then don't.

It's not that hard, people.

[The Two Jerseys]

No.

Plus I have to question the theory that more people coming out will lead to a decrease in homophobia, most of the people I know who have expressed homophobic views could care less if people are gay or not, they just don't like it when gay people feel the need to shove their homosexuality in everyone's face.

[Albrenia]

No. Nobody needs to know if I'm gay or straight unless one of us intends to pursue such a relationship.

[Geneviev]

No.

Plus I have to question the theory that more people coming out will lead to a decrease in homophobia, most of the people I know who have expressed homophobic views could care less if people are gay or not, they just don't like it when gay people feel the need to shove their homosexuality in everyone's face.

Exactly. The one way that people coming out would do anything about homophobia, as far as I can tell, is if they actually are close to people who would be forced to change their minds. Public figures can't do that.

[Cannot think of a name]

The most mealy mouthed opinion in that as someone who is not gay I think it's incredibly tone deaf for me to dictate how someone who is gay communicate that or make choices about their identity and it would be arrogant of me to weigh in on how the community itself interacts or how it should behave towards each other, I have no more business telling members of the gay community that they should come out than I do telling them they should keep it to themselves.

My opinion, essentially, is that my opinion is neither solicited or wanted on the subject. Which defaults, essentially, to 'no'.

[Cannot think of a name]

No.

Plus I have to question the theory that more people coming out will lead to a decrease in homophobia, most of the people I know who have expressed homophobic views could care less if people are gay or not, they just don't like it when gay people feel the need to shove their homosexuality in everyone's face.

I give zero fucks about people whose assholes clench at facing the idea that people are different than them. "Shoved in your face" will forever be the most bullshit complaint in the history of trying to repackage bigotry.

[The Holy Britainnian Empire]

No, the decision to come out is that person's alone.

[The Holy Britainnian Empire]

No.

Plus I have to question the theory that more people coming out will lead to a decrease in homophobia, most of the people I know who have expressed homophobic views could care less if people are gay or not, they just don't like it when gay people feel the need to shove their homosexuality in everyone's face.

In the eyes of some people, a gay person just existing and acknowledging themselves as gay is "shoving it in people's faces".

[Auzkhia]

Rachel Maddow is wrong, and she is a bit of an annoying person too. We straight people don't have a 'responsibility' to announce to everybody we meet and to say to the cameras "I'm straight" so it would be unfair for gay people to be told that they have a 'responsibility' as Rachel puts it. If any gay person doesn't want to reveal their sexuality then that's fine.

Even though everyone's presumed to be straight?

Like, people have assumed that I like men, even though I am dating only women. I haven't told anything to that stranger but they presumed me to be a heterosexual woman like her, I guess. Coming out would breakdown that notion, and let people know that you are not straight.

[Luziyca]

Nope. It ought to be up to the person in question to decide whether or not to come out.

[Geneviev]

No.

Plus I have to question the theory that more people coming out will lead to a decrease in homophobia, most of the people I know who have expressed homophobic views could care less if people are gay or not, they just don't like it when gay people feel the need to shove their homosexuality in everyone's face.

In the eyes of some people, a gay person just existing and acknowledging themselves as gay is "shoving it in people's faces".

Even recognizing that there are people who think that way, and that they're wrong, there are people who actually do shove it in people's faces. People can be annoying sometimes, and those people tend to be seen as representatives.

[Nevertopia]

When I was reading old news articles, I came across a quote from TV news anchor Rachel Maddow. In 2011, she said that "if you’re gay you have a responsibility to come out". A quick Google search finds multiple articles also saying that coming out is a responsibility: athletes, celebrities, anchors, it feels like everyone in the public eye is being told that they have a responsibility to come out. Why? People seem to assume that if more people who are visible to the public come out, that homophobia, transphobia, and so on will somehow end. While that doesn't seem to be the case, given that those problems still exist after a lot of celebrities came out, I see a more serious problem with this assumption. It's supposedly only targeted towards people who are famous and wouldn't be as vulnerable to discrimination, but people who aren't in that same situation are also assumed to be able to come out. That assumption is dangerous, considering that people who still depend on their parents may not be able to come out safely.

Given the problem of safety, is there a responsibility to come out? Do only celebrities have that responsibility or does everyone share it? What do you think about this relatively old quote, NSG?

Personally, I don't believe that there is a responsibility to come out. Too many people, famous or not, can't safely come out and their safety comes before political concerns. A better way to combat bias would be to educate people on the facts, which would be more effective and less likely to risk anyone's safety or mental health. Essentially, coming out should be a personal choice only.

I think its your responsibility to be honest with yourself. If you're gay, then own it, its ok. But dont feel compelled to tell your parents geneviev, historically its been a death sentence coming out as gay and its understandable if you want your sexuality hidden to certain people.

[Geneviev]

I think its your responsibility to be honest with yourself. If you're gay, then own it, its ok. But dont feel compelled to tell your parents geneviev, historically its been a death sentence coming out as gay and its understandable if you want your sexuality hidden to certain people.

I feel like I need to correct this. I did tell my parents, and it was not a death sentence. That was just me. There are people who aren't so lucky, and those are the people that I'm concerned about here.

[Nevertopia]

I think its your responsibility to be honest with yourself. If you're gay, then own it, its ok. But dont feel compelled to tell your parents geneviev, historically its been a death sentence coming out as gay and its understandable if you want your sexuality hidden to certain people.

I feel like I need to correct this. I did tell my parents, and it was not a death sentence. That was just me. There are people who aren't so lucky, and those are the people that I'm concerned about here.

well like i said, whats important is youre honest about who you are. its understandable to hide your sexuality in response to circumstances.

[Sundiata]

Honestly, I don't want to pressure homosexuals to come out just because it pleases me to see. With that considered, we all have a responsibility not to treat homosexuals poorly on the basis of their sexual orientation. We shouldn't treat people poorly.

Living in a world where gay people feel and exist as part of our community is something we're morally obligated to work towards. People have dignity.

[Geneviev]

I feel like I need to correct this. I did tell my parents, and it was not a death sentence. That was just me. There are people who aren't so lucky, and those are the people that I'm concerned about here.

well like i said, whats important is youre honest about who you are. its understandable to hide your sexuality in response to circumstances.

And, sometimes, it's more than understandable. It's the right thing to do sometimes. Everyone is different.