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Humanity vs. All the Animals - Who Would Win?

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Page
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Humanity vs. All the Animals - Who Would Win?

Postby Page » Sat Dec 26, 2020 11:17 am

Here is a scenario for your consideration: What would happen if every single animal on Earth tried to kill every human?

Here are the rules:

- The animals do not gain intelligence except for the fact that they instinctively know the most effective way to kill us. So a bear will go for the jugular, a venomous snake will inject as much venom as it can, wasps will attack in giant swarms, slugs will slowly crawl up your body and attempt to enter your mouth and block your airway to suffocate you since that's all they can do. Assume any animal incapable of drawing blood or injecting venom will try to suffocate you.

- The animals only have instincts for killing humans through direct means. So if a bunch of chimpanzees get inside of a nuclear power plant, they aren't going to know how to cause a meltdown. Disease carrying animals aren't aware of their disease, so a rabid bat won't realize it can do more damage by biting multiple people once than by trying to bite one person to death.

- The animals will continue to care for their survival needs, they will take breaks from trying to kill humans to eat, drink, reproduce, get warm, etc. But when they have directly engaged a human they will not back down, they will fight to the death.

- They animals will be constantly looking for humans except for when they are caring for their own needs, but they do not have any more knowledge of where humans are than they have now. So a rattlesnake will just slither aimlessly across the desert hoping to get lucky, but rats that live in big cities will understand that they will find more humans if they stay there rather than go out in the wilderness.

Now, what happens? Here are our options:

1) Total human extinction. The animals succeed in killing everyone.

2) The end of civilization. Some humans survive but the world is an apocalyptic wasteland, most technology is lost, fortified human settlements are ruled by warlords, etc.

3) Civilization remains intact and most humans survive but at great cost, our standards of living dramatically decrease and many luxuries will be lost, for example most food variety will be lost and what food is available will be bland, no more coffee or tea for most people, the internet is mostly gone or reserved just for essential functions, many common household appliances become rare, recreational travel mostly ceases to exist, etc.

4) Humanity adapts well and while there are some major lifestyle changes, we retain most of our luxuries. The fact that animals want to kill you will just be a normal part of life, we'll keep on going and our knowledge and technology will continue to increase, we'll get to have our colony on Mars and sustainable energy and medicine will continue to be more effective at extending the average lifespan.

5) Total human victory. While it is impossible to exterminate all animals on Earth and doing so would doom the whole ecosystem anyway, the most dangerous animals are exterminated while the ones that pose a lesser threat are easily controlled. Through a combination of effective policy and technology, we will get to a point where the remaining animals are nothing more than a nuisance, only as dangerous as influenza or tornadoes insofar as a few die but most don't have to worry about it at all.

I would say the most likely outcomes are 2 and 3, personally I'd guess about a 2.5. The world won't be post apocalyptic but it will be pretty damn close, most luxuries will be lost, some technology will be lost, and liberal democracy is probably gone, most people will live under harsh, autocratic societies. I would guess a few hundred million humans are directly killed by animals while over a billion are killed by famine and upheaval.

What do you think? Are we humans really up to surviving this?
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Postby Northern Socialist Council Republics » Sat Dec 26, 2020 11:47 am

Considering that insects are animals I'll place my bets on scenario 1 or maybe 2.
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Postby Borderlands of Rojava » Sat Dec 26, 2020 11:53 am

Them, because if we kill them all we starve and if we don't, they kill us.

The animals win even if they lose whereas we lose even if we win, which is a losing strategy.
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Postby Nova Bromelia » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:05 pm

I would say, 1. We depend on domesticated animals for many of our needs. Suppose that all of those animals suddenly go berserk, especially big mammals, like pigs and cows. Just imagine of them breaking out of their barns and going on a murderous rampage- in NL they would outnumber the humans, so, I think I know which country would be first to fall.
But even if we were to survive this blitzbeef, the whole meat- and- dairy-industry would collapse, and many people would suffer under the horrible self-righteous laughter of vegans... just think of the horror! The horror!

And that is without taking the chickens into account... that's 20 billion furious beaked, clawed monsters on the prowl. Face it, people: we are royally clucked.
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Postby Kannap » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:09 pm

There are about 200 million insects per human on the planet.

Animals win, hands down.
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Postby Sky Reavers » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:14 pm

Well, the result strongly depends on the region and country. It's entirely possible, that some richer urban countries and places may have better outcome. US with lots of guns and resources could manage to keep at 3.5 level. Tropical and poor rural countries on the other hand, would be probably devastated, cause lots of animals vs little means of fighting them off is... ain't so good. But either way, the world ends up in 2.4 state.
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Postby Ifreann » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:15 pm

Having read Worm, I know what can be accomplished by insects determined to wreck up someone's shit. Animals gonna win.
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Postby Eahland » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:28 pm

The majority of U.S. households contain an alpha predator that's trusted to roam about freely and guard our selves, our children, and our property against intruders while we sleep. I suspect the ratios are similar elsewhere. If the dogs break the ancient bargain, we are fuuuuuucked. Most of us will die before we know there's a fight.
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Postby Ifreann » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:30 pm

Eahland wrote:The majority of U.S. households contain an alpha predator that's trusted to roam about freely and guard our selves, our children, and our property against intruders while we sleep. I suspect the ratios are similar elsewhere. If the dogs break the ancient bargain, we are fuuuuuucked. Most of us will die before we know there's a fight.

The majority of American households have a dog? I would not have guessed that.
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Postby Eahland » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:40 pm

Ifreann wrote:
Eahland wrote:The majority of U.S. households contain an alpha predator that's trusted to roam about freely and guard our selves, our children, and our property against intruders while we sleep. I suspect the ratios are similar elsewhere. If the dogs break the ancient bargain, we are fuuuuuucked. Most of us will die before we know there's a fight.

The majority of American households have a dog? I would not have guessed that.

Yeah. My brief research didn't give me an actual percentage, but Google tells me 1.6 dogs per household. That's just an average, of course, but in order for more than half of households to not have a dog, it would mean that doggy households would have to average more than 3.2 dogs per household, which I'm quite sure is not the case.

Also 1.8 cats.
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Postby Dogmeat » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:47 pm

All the animals minus dogs.

We will never betray you.



You're still going to lose, of course...
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Postby Ethel mermania » Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:51 pm

Ifreann wrote:
Eahland wrote:The majority of U.S. households contain an alpha predator that's trusted to roam about freely and guard our selves, our children, and our property against intruders while we sleep. I suspect the ratios are similar elsewhere. If the dogs break the ancient bargain, we are fuuuuuucked. Most of us will die before we know there's a fight.

The majority of American households have a dog? I would not have guessed that.

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Postby Kowani » Sat Dec 26, 2020 3:14 pm

Insects alone win this battle.
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Postby Ethel mermania » Sat Dec 26, 2020 3:21 pm

Kowani wrote:Insects alone win this battle.

I fucking hate Bees.
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Postby La Paz de Los Ricos » Sat Dec 26, 2020 3:24 pm

You ever heard of ants?

Humanity loses in under a year.
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Postby Cetacea » Sat Dec 26, 2020 3:25 pm

Dogmeat wrote:All the animals minus dogs.

We will never betray you.



You're still going to lose, of course...


Agreed, dogs and humans are pack symbiots.

As insects are animals humanity is going to be in a bad way

If protozoans are animals then humanity is royally screwed

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Postby Kannap » Sat Dec 26, 2020 3:25 pm

Ethel mermania wrote:
Kowani wrote:Insects alone win this battle.

I fucking hate Bees.


Wait until you see the mosquito battalions.
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Postby Comerciante » Sat Dec 26, 2020 3:48 pm

Scenario 2 in my opinion. Despite how devastating this all is, I think were vastly underestimating how many animals will die in a fight in comparison to how many humans.

God have mercy on the Australians though.

Otherwise, though this all comes down to the ensuing scarcity of livestock and the like. Since they won't do things like attack crops and so forth we should be ready to bow to our future vegan overlords.
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Postby Abserdia » Sat Dec 26, 2020 4:18 pm

Love hypotheticals like these. I'm gonna be assuming this is a surprise.

Most people are dead within 24 hours. There's absolutely no way any sizeable population will survive this weird frenzy, and unless it ends, the remaining humans will be on the way out.
I mean, there are over a quadrillion ants in the world.
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They alone would give us a run for our money, so imagine what ants + literally every other sentient organism in the world could do.
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Postby Cordel One » Sat Dec 26, 2020 7:21 pm

Humanity makes up 0.01% of all life on earth. Not all of them would be able to attack us (and this source does include all life including plants), but regardless we'd be so overwhelmed by that humanity wouldn't stand a chance. We are 36% of all total mammals on earth (and 60% are livestock), but even if they were the only ones that attacked us it is still most likely that humanity would lose. The main threat, however, would probably come from bugs as they outnumber us 17x in terms of total MASS.
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Postby Major-Tom » Sat Dec 26, 2020 7:27 pm

Not gonna lie, I think we'd probably take the L after several years. Interesting OP, Page, I like it.
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Postby The Three Palins » Sat Dec 26, 2020 7:39 pm

Humans would take some losses on the first day, particularly from pets. Perhaps from birds if they know that to chase us in front of traffic is the best way. Rural areas would be seriously depopulated.

However, there aren't a lot of large animals capable of breaking glass, in the cities where most people live. We'd foil their murderous intentions by doing what we're best at: staying inside our houses. The military would deliver supplies, until supplies ran out, but people wouldn't be starving to death for maybe a year.

Within that time we'd kill them all, using conventional military means, and perhaps species-specific chemical and biological weapons. All of this assuming that micro-organisms cannot willfully evolve to pose maximum threat to us, in which case "animals" might win.
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Postby Nilokeras » Sat Dec 26, 2020 8:09 pm

Interpreting this extremely conservatively about 'animals', this would be a very short thought exercise as all the human microbiota boil out of our orifices and household surfaces and consume us.

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Postby The Three Palins » Sat Dec 26, 2020 8:34 pm

Nilokeras wrote:Interpreting this extremely conservatively about 'animals', this would be a very short thought exercise as all the human microbiota boil out of our orifices and household surfaces and consume us.


That seems outside the bounds of the scenario, though. "No improvement in intelligence other than knowing the best way to kill us" still leaves a bacterium at zero intelligence. They can evolve very quickly, IF they get reproductive opportunities from their new form, but they generally don't due to the strength of a human's immune system. There's no intelligence or volition required.

There's no individual survival value in going on a murderous rampage against a non-prey species that isn't posing any immediate threat. WHY animals would do this crazy thing isn't specified, and for most of them "knowing the best way to kill humans" is outside the scope of their intelligence or experience, and that they all become suicidally warlike when before they were motivated entirely by self-preservation, and preservation of young, is quite as god-mod.

In short, the best course for micro-organisms in the human body to kill, would be to evolve which no creature can do by will. Or to commit suicide and deprive the human of symbiotic benefits. That also seems beyond the "intelligence" of a micro-organism.
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Postby Punished UMN » Sat Dec 26, 2020 8:34 pm

The Three Palins wrote:Humans would take some losses on the first day, particularly from pets. Perhaps from birds if they know that to chase us in front of traffic is the best way. Rural areas would be seriously depopulated.

However, there aren't a lot of large animals capable of breaking glass, in the cities where most people live. We'd foil their murderous intentions by doing what we're best at: staying inside our houses. The military would deliver supplies, until supplies ran out, but people wouldn't be starving to death for maybe a year.

Within that time we'd kill them all, using conventional military means, and perhaps species-specific chemical and biological weapons. All of this assuming that micro-organisms cannot willfully evolve to pose maximum threat to us, in which case "animals" might win.

Humans wouldn't be able to survive without animals though.
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