LGBT Issues/Support Thread

[Auzkhia]

It's absolutely fine not to use it for yourself, but it's been already reclaimed and it really doesn't help anyone to police the queer community on their identity.

Telling people how to identify is ridiculous, but it should still be acknowledged that some people just don't want to be called queer.

Like their identity is their business, but queer community general refers to people who consider themselves as such, one may not be that as well, but are other wise lgbt+, hence we often see LGBTQ or LGBTQIA, with or without the plus, because sexuality and gender are so complex.

[Krezenel]

Just popping in to say hi and that I didn't notice a demisexual/demihomosexual section in the poll (I align there), nor did I see a demiguy or demigirl section (also align)

[Senkaku]

Just popping in to say hi and that I didn't notice a demisexual/demihomosexual section in the poll (I align there), nor did I see a demiguy or demigirl section (also align)

Please go back to Tumblr

[Fedel]

To be fair, if you're a fan of scifi/fantasy and somebody calls you a "nerd" in an affectionate way but you don't like being called a nerd for one reason or another ( Ex. Bullies who viciously attacked you everyday got the whole school to call you a "nerd" ) people should respect you not wanting to be called a nerd.

[Krezenel]

Just popping in to say hi and that I didn't notice a demisexual/demihomosexual section in the poll (I align there), nor did I see a demiguy or demigirl section (also align)

Please go back to Tumblr

UHhhh...
Never came from Tumblr
I can't really get Tumblr either

[Neutraligon]

Please go back to Tumblr

UHhhh...
Never came from Tumblr
I can't really get Tumblr either

Polls are limited to 10 options hence why you do not see demisexual.

[The New California Republic]

UHhhh...
Never came from Tumblr
I can't really get Tumblr either

Polls are limited to 10 options hence why you do not see demisexual.

To be fair there could have been an "other" option in the poll by cutting out one of the others.

[Necroghastia]

Just popping in to say hi and that I didn't notice a demisexual/demihomosexual section in the poll (I align there), nor did I see a demiguy or demigirl section (also align)

Please go back to Tumblr

Damn le epic pwnage! /s
Demisexual and demi(guy/girl) are perfectly valid. I don't know why anyone would think otherwise.

[Geneviev]

Telling people how to identify is ridiculous, but it should still be acknowledged that some people just don't want to be called queer.

Like their identity is their business, but queer community general refers to people who consider themselves as such, one may not be that as well, but are other wise lgbt+, hence we often see LGBTQ or LGBTQIA, with or without the plus, because sexuality and gender are so complex.

Of course. I only have a problem with the people who start accusing anyone who prefers not to be called queer of being homophobic or something like that.

[Senkaku]

Please go back to Tumblr

Damn le epic pwnage! /s
Demisexual and demi(guy/girl) are perfectly valid. I don't know why anyone would think otherwise.

not liking hookups and one night stands is valid, but not its own sexual identity, and the effort to claim otherwise is part of a very weird trend towards letting cishet people appropriate queer aesthetics and language for clout, esp online

[Auzkhia]

Just popping in to say hi and that I didn't notice a demisexual/demihomosexual section in the poll (I align there), nor did I see a demiguy or demigirl section (also align)

Demigirl and demiboy are non-binary, and non-binary genders are included under transgender. Demisexual goes under ace/aro since it is on a-spectrum. Besides OP could only fit so many options.

Demigirl is one of my genders.

Damn le epic pwnage! /s
Demisexual and demi(guy/girl) are perfectly valid. I don't know why anyone would think otherwise.

not liking hookups and one night stands is valid, but not its own sexual identity

Identity and behavior are not the same thing.

And even so, demisexual is like being asexual but sometimes feeling sexual attraction.

[Senkaku]

And even so, demisexual is like being asexual but sometimes feeling sexual attraction.

So, definitionally... not at all like being asexual. Just having a much lower sex drive than most.

[Auzkhia]

And even so, demisexual is like being asexual but sometimes feeling sexual attraction.

So, definitionally... not at all like being asexual. Just having a much lower sex drive than most.

My libido's been bombed by HRT and yet I definitely have sexual attraction. Never thought I was, maybe demi at one point? But I feel like demiromantic might be closer. It's a whole big queer mess.

Frankly, a lot of people I know who are demisexual usually fit in with LGBTQ regardless, split attraction with romantic and sexual orientation is fairly common. Sexuality is complex and messy, and that's why it is so fascinating.

[Necroghastia]

Damn le epic pwnage! /s
Demisexual and demi(guy/girl) are perfectly valid. I don't know why anyone would think otherwise.

not liking hookups and one night stands is valid, but not its own sexual identity,

No one claimed it was. If that's what you think either are, I question your sources.

and the effort to claim otherwise is part of a very weird trend towards letting cishet people appropriate queer aesthetics and language for clout, esp online

This is sounding suspiciously close to the "aces are cishet invaders" rhetoric.

[Necroghastia]

And even so, demisexual is like being asexual but sometimes feeling sexual attraction.

So, definitionally... not at all like being asexual. Just having a much lower sex drive than most.

No, not even that. It has nothing to do with a "low sex drive," it's being unable to find people attractive outside of a select few.

[Auzkhia]

not liking hookups and one night stands is valid, but not its own sexual identity,

No one claimed it was. If that's what you think either are, I question your sources.

and the effort to claim otherwise is part of a very weird trend towards letting cishet people appropriate queer aesthetics and language for clout, esp online

This is sounding suspiciously close to the "aces are cishet invaders" rhetoric.

Yeah and it's like even if cis heteroromantic asexual people went to pride or GSA meetings, cool, like, they're fine. In fact, a lot of active and important members of my university's GSA were asexual, though I think bisexual was the most common sexuality among the members.

[Senkaku]

So, definitionally... not at all like being asexual. Just having a much lower sex drive than most.

My libido's been bombed by HRT and yet I definitely have sexual attraction. Never thought I was, maybe demi at one point? But I feel like demiromantic might be closer. It's a whole big queer mess.

People can experience different levels of sexual attraction, but you either experience it on some level or you don't. If you don't, you're ace, if you do, you aren't. If you do experience it, you fucking every day versus once a week versus once a month versus twice a year are not their own identities, and neither are only fucking people you've been on 3+ dates with and feel a connection to or just fucking whoever on the apps. I think that's the point where I draw the line between identity and preference for behavior (and I don't think it's somehow discriminatory against anyone to draw it there).

Frankly, a lot of people I know who are demisexual usually fit in with LGBTQ regardless, split attraction with romantic and sexual orientation is fairly common. Sexuality is complex and messy, and that's why it is so fascinating.

At some point someone should do a more comprehensive survey of self-identifying "demisexuals" so we don't all have to rely on anecdotal inputs to form our views on the subject, but my experience tells me that it's mostly young heterosexual white women who have gotten a little too deep into indie-queer aesthetics and want to anoint themselves with some legitimacy to speak on LGBT issues and enter LGBT spaces in ways that they realize on some level would otherwise be inappropriate.

not liking hookups and one night stands is valid, but not its own sexual identity,

No one claimed it was. If that's what you think either are, I question your sources.

Plenty of self-identified demisexuals out there will tell you that it is! People may have different levels of sexual desire, but it's something you ultimately either have or don't.

and the effort to claim otherwise is part of a very weird trend towards letting cishet people appropriate queer aesthetics and language for clout, esp online

This is sounding suspiciously close to the "aces are cishet invaders" rhetoric.

I don't think aces are cishet invaders. Not experiencing any sexual desire is certainly its own unique identity and it's not just a preference or something ace people can control.

Experiencing sexual desire, just at a somewhat lower than average level? That's quite distinct from being ace, and suggesting that it is does not somehow make me anti-asexual. Frankly, I think we should all be concerned that "demisexuals'" attempt to co-opt ace identity despite definitionally not sharing it is what fuels the misguided and wrong prejudices against ace people and the perception of them as not being legitimate.

So, definitionally... not at all like being asexual. Just having a much lower sex drive than most.

No, not even that. It has nothing to do with a "low sex drive," it's being unable to find people attractive outside of a select few.

And so we're back to "only fucking people I'm serious about is its own identity." Which is nonsense. People have different preferences about who they sleep with and how important or intimate sex is to them; those preferences are not sexual identities.

And even so, demisexual is like being asexual but sometimes feeling sexual attraction.

So, definitionally... not at all like being asexual. Just having a much lower sex drive than most.

No, not even that. It has nothing to do with a "low sex drive," it's being unable to find people attractive outside of a select few.

not liking hookups and one night stands is valid, but not its own sexual identity,

No one claimed it was. If that's what you think either are, I question your sources.

It seems even those defending the legitimacy of the demisexual identity don't have a firm conceptual understanding of what exactly it's supposed to entail. Auzhkia says it's like being ace but with a little trickle of a sex drive (so, not at all like being ace), you say it's being selective about who you sleep with (but also maybe not and I'm uninformed or creating strawmen if I define it that way).

The typical fallback argument, to paint criticizing the concept of "demisexuality" as being hateful towards ace people, is quite ridiculous. It's trying to defend ace people from a bunch of allo cishet people who just want an excuse to enter queer spaces and appropriate our aesthetics without facing any criticism by co-opting ace people's identity.

Sexual identities describe what people you're sexually attracted to, not who individually you're attracted to or how often you're attracted to them.

[Punished UMN]

Just popping in to say hi and that I didn't notice a demisexual/demihomosexual section in the poll (I align there), nor did I see a demiguy or demigirl section (also align)

Demigirl and demiboy are non-binary, and non-binary genders are included under transgender. Demisexual goes under ace/aro since it is on a-spectrum. Besides OP could only fit so many options.

Demigirl is one of my genders.

not liking hookups and one night stands is valid, but not its own sexual identity

Identity and behavior are not the same thing.

And even so, demisexual is like being asexual but sometimes feeling sexual attraction.

Oh so you don't understand asexuality then.

[Sundiata]

I think threads like this are good for our forum community.

[Punished UMN]

So, definitionally... not at all like being asexual. Just having a much lower sex drive than most.

No, not even that. It has nothing to do with a "low sex drive," it's being unable to find people attractive outside of a select few.

Only finding people you like attractive is not a sexual orientation, it's how like a substantial minority of how people of all sexualities are.

[Auzkhia]

Demigirl and demiboy are non-binary, and non-binary genders are included under transgender. Demisexual goes under ace/aro since it is on a-spectrum. Besides OP could only fit so many options.

Demigirl is one of my genders.

Identity and behavior are not the same thing.

And even so, demisexual is like being asexual but sometimes feeling sexual attraction.

Oh so you don't understand asexuality then.

I mean, I am going with what people told me how they experience their asexuality, but I'm not asexual, so by all means do tell me.

But still, the exclusionary discourse overall is a waste of time, but yet here I am.

[Punished UMN]

Oh so you don't understand asexuality then.

I mean, I am going with what people told me how they experience their asexuality, but I'm not asexual, so by all means do tell me.

But still, the exclusionary discourse overall is a waste of time, but yet here I am.

"exclusionary discourse" is just a buzzword used to shame people who demand that words actually have meanings that function in conversation and I'm not going to pretend it's anything more valid than that.

Asexuals do not experience sexual desire, the thought doesn't cross our minds without other people bringing it up. Saying "it's like being asexual but sometimes you aren't" isn't even coherent. True, some people are ambivalent or sex positive asexuals, a lot even, but the point of the label is that the people who are asexual don't experience sexual attraction.

[Senkaku]

Oh so you don't understand asexuality then.

I mean, I am going with what people told me how they experience their asexuality, but I'm not asexual, so by all means do tell me.

But still, the exclusionary discourse overall is a waste of time, but yet here I am.

I mean feel free to brush what I'm saying off as just "exclusionary discourse" if you don't want to engage with it, but every community has to delineate such things at a certain point and I don't think I'm doing so in a cruel, uninformed, or unreasonable way

[Riviere Renard]

Let me explain it this way:
There are three main terms in the ace community. Asexual: Not having sexual attraction, Greysexual: rarely having sexual attraction or having little sexual attraction, and Demisexual: only forming sexual attraction after strong romantic bonds are created.

For example:
A zedsexual (AKA Allosexual) goes on a date. They find their date sexy. They may chose not to have sex yet, but they do have sexual attraction for their date.

An asexual also goes on a date. They find their date cute, or charming, or whathaveyou, but not sexy. They haven't any sexual attraction.

A demisexual goes on a date. They also find their date cute, or charming, or whathaveyou, but not sexy. After dating this person for a while, only then do they form sexual attraction, only then do they find their date sexy. In other words, they only become zedsexual with a person after being with them for a while. Before that, they are ace.

Do you understand now?

[Dominioan]

First I thought everyone was hetero as a kid. Then I learned about homosexuality. I was like "okay sure". But then I learned about bisexuality. Then pansexual. Then asexual. Then even more.

Man there are a lot of "sexuals" aren't there?