On Abuse and Violence

[Ethel mermania]

Oh do calm down, dear, and go to bed.

I'm not upset sweetie, you shouldn't get upset like that.

Talking down to people is generally assholeish, please stop.

[State of Turelisa]

That wasn't aimed at you, and you know it.

[Agarntrop]

May I ask why you have that mindset?

Upbringing, maybe? Might be I just consider men to be more dangerous than women in a general sense, so a hit from a man is more likely to cause serious harm or death than from a woman.

Use of weapons obviously changes this, and a woman going at a guy with a knife or gun would be the same as a guy doing the same.

Men are also, scientifically, generally much physically stronger post-puberty.

[Green October Z]

That wasn't aimed at you, and you know it.

What wasn't aimed at who?

[VVerkia]

Relationship abuse. It's horrible and we all know it is. However, many people do not see the double standards in society's perceptions of it.

Don't like double standards.

For example, if most of you were walking through a park and saw a man yelling at and hitting a woman, you would be furious and may even intervene. But what would you do if the one being yelled at and hit was a guy and the aggressor a woman? Would you perhaps assume that he did something to deserve it? Would you assume he could just take the hits no problem because he is a male and supposed to be stronger than the female? Or would you perhaps laugh thinking that the woman is joking around?

I'am overthinking anything, so for me it can be fight, or joking, or eventually part of film-making or problem with mental illnes behaviour (maybe panic attack), they are working on. Or anything else... (My view can be seen as absurd, but from my experience of life, almost nothing will surprise me). So i'am no assuming. Also i'm lost in social interactions when they are normal, then when some isn't...

However I had experienced situations, when someone abuse other person (i rather wasn't abused or i don't labeling something as abuse towards me or don't know if i can labeled something as that, so i don't speak about myself). I was horribly scared and don't know what to do (i rarely know). Violence isn't laughable for me.

If you said no to any of the above, you are a minority in terms of your perceptions of abuse. Most people I know would have said yes to at least one of those things. And what of emotional abuse? Is it also possible that females can more easily get away with emotional abuse as well? Are guys just supposed to me emotionless and "take it like men?" What are your thoughts on this?

I think/feel/believe that anyone can be "weak", can show emotions, speak about fears etc. and i am annoyed when someone try embrace "emotionlessism" - or rather - embracing to put mask and be faked, "because yu mast be stronk" etc. nonsenses. Gender boarders don't matter for me. Is it physycal or emotional or psychological abuse - it isn't good. Also what i was aware since childhood is some kind of emotional manipulations, when someone try embracing someone to behave as abuser. I mean - some people are short tempered and becuase of that can be easy prey, and some can use that to hurt them, trying portrait themselves as victims, hiding behind law (lawfull evil) - work in white gloves. That can happen in relationship, in work, goverment or political parties/person. Eg. main antagonist of "Elif" or Malty S. Melromarc from Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari.

I myself believe that there is strong double standard here that seriously needs to be addressed by both society and the legal system. A couple years ago one of my friends was in a relationship with a pretty unstable woman that treated him like shit. One night she got extremely mad and beat the crap out of him, forcing him to go to the hospital with a broken finger and two broken ribs. Yet, not only was he laughed at by some jerks in his family, but even the police didn't take him seriously and the woman got off with not even a warning. If it was the other way around, it is fairly certain that she would have been taken seriously, been pitied, and he'd be in jail. Seriously messed up.

Oh do calm down, dear, and go to bed.

I'm not upset sweetie, you shouldn't get upset like that.

Talking down to people is generally assholeish, please stop.

+1

[Stellar Colonies]

Upbringing, maybe? Might be I just consider men to be more dangerous than women in a general sense, so a hit from a man is more likely to cause serious harm or death than from a woman.

Use of weapons obviously changes this, and a woman going at a guy with a knife or gun would be the same as a guy doing the same.

Men are also, scientifically, generally much physically stronger post-puberty.

Greater strength doesn't help when drugs, alcohol, or legal blackmail is involved.

[Thepeopl]

Men are also, scientifically, generally much physically stronger post-puberty.

Greater strength doesn't help when drugs, alcohol, or legal blackmail is involved.

Also, knowing the right techniques to subdue someone, let's you dominate any person. You just have to be willing to inflict pain and risk serious damaging their body.

Do females get away with more? Yes probably. Society is very gender devided. I find it absurd to attribute characteristics to people just because of "plumbing".

The fact that society makes these distinctions, makes individuals follow them and act upon them. Hence racism, discrimination, sexism and groupthink.
It's easier to think in groups, us vs them means you have some people who will protect you.

I really advocate a ban on gender reveal parties for babies. Ugh. Because adults will treat babies differently when they think it is a girl or a boy. Terrible.

[Brunswick-upon-Raritan]

If we're going to treat men and women as physically equal, doesn't that mean there should be no gender separation in sports?

[The Alma Mater]

If we're going to treat men and women as physically equal, doesn't that mean there should be no gender separation in sports?

Why not ? You can always seperate based on abilities.

[Agarntrop]

Men are also, scientifically, generally much physically stronger post-puberty.

Greater strength doesn't help when drugs, alcohol, or legal blackmail is involved.

True.

[Brunswick-upon-Raritan]

If we're going to treat men and women as physically equal, doesn't that mean there should be no gender separation in sports?

Why not ? You can always seperate based on abilities.

I'm not against it, per se, but I can imagine a lot of objections. People's concept of 'equality' can often be fuzzy.

[Alart]

I agree. There is a large double standard when it comes to relationship abuse and it only makes the problem far worse than it already is.

[Green October Z]

I agree. There is a large double standard when it comes to relationship abuse and it only makes the problem far worse than it already is.

Exactly. Hence the reason I started this thread.

[Meremos Alloriumenion]

There is a double standard, yes. But I feel that things are slowly getting better as more people become aware of the fact that men can be abused too.

[Katganistan]

Many, many years ago I had a friend who was very free with hitting people, especially men, and most especially men she was dating.

One day she punched a male friend of mine in the arm apropos of nothing. She had done this many times, and he was tired of it. So he grabbed her by the shoulder, turned her, and slapped her once, hard, across the ass like an errant toddler.

When she said, all outraged to me, "HE HIT ME!" she did not like my reply, "Only because you hit him first."

There are women who think they have free rein to hit men but scream abuse if they defend themselves. Assault is assault no matter who perpetrates it.

When it became clear to this friend that not only was I not going to support her but that I would essentially tell her it was her own fault when she got hit back, and that if she really wanted to get the authorities involved I would be more than happy to make a statement that did not omit any details, wonder of wonders -- she stopped hitting the guys in the group.


I don't care who you are -- you lift a hand to someone else when you're not defending yourself or another person, you get what you deserve if they retaliate, and I sure as hell am not going to bear false witness just because of the genders involved.

[Neutraligon]

Men are also, scientifically, generally much physically stronger post-puberty.

Greater strength doesn't help when drugs, alcohol, or legal blackmail is involved.

Also weapons, weapons also make a difference, whether that is a gun or knife, or jut something heavy.

[Saiwania]

There is a double standard, but I usually agree to it. It is because the social expectation typically is that a man can just break a relationship off with a woman without risking as much physical consequence than vice versa, if she is bad for him. A man on the other hand, usually has more potential to seriously harm a woman should he be violent/aggressive in turning against her.

Women broadly speaking- aren't seen as the weaker/fairer sex for no reason. It is because most of the world has become Patriarchal and has reason to believe that this should be the default state of affairs.

[Snakeden]

Abuse is abuse and I'm not here for it. Doesn't matter which direction it goes in. I've seen it be one way, the other, and both parties at each other--just in my own damn relatives!--and all of it disgusts me. And not just beating people or shouting nasty stuff, either. When people make 'funny' tweets or whatever about constantly going through their partner's phones, or when they pull some petty cruel stunt on a video game save file because they got cranky, or joke about doing stuff wrong on purpose so their partner has to always do it, or crap on their partner's interests/disregard their stuff, I find that awful. When I'm able to do something about it, I do, because none of that is how you treat people you claim you love, and I will hold that belief until I drop.

[VVerkia]

Many, many years ago I had a friend who was very free with hitting people, especially men, and most especially men she was dating.

One day she punched a male friend of mine in the arm apropos of nothing. She had done this many times, and he was tired of it. So he grabbed her by the shoulder, turned her, and slapped her once, hard, across the ass like an errant toddler.

When she said, all outraged to me, "HE HIT ME!" she did not like my reply, "Only because you hit him first."

There are women who think they have free rein to hit men but scream abuse if they defend themselves. Assault is assault no matter who perpetrates it.

When it became clear to this friend that not only was I not going to support her but that I would essentially tell her it was her own fault when she got hit back, and that if she really wanted to get the authorities involved I would be more than happy to make a statement that did not omit any details, wonder of wonders -- she stopped hitting the guys in the group.


I don't care who you are -- you lift a hand to someone else when you're not defending yourself or another person, you get what you deserve if they retaliate, and I sure as hell am not going to bear false witness just because of the genders involved.

I see that kind of behaviour in anime or films and i am strongly against it. sex, gender etc. doesn't matter in terms of hurting other peoples.

[Neutraligon]

Many, many years ago I had a friend who was very free with hitting people, especially men, and most especially men she was dating.

One day she punched a male friend of mine in the arm apropos of nothing. She had done this many times, and he was tired of it. So he grabbed her by the shoulder, turned her, and slapped her once, hard, across the ass like an errant toddler.

When she said, all outraged to me, "HE HIT ME!" she did not like my reply, "Only because you hit him first."

There are women who think they have free rein to hit men but scream abuse if they defend themselves. Assault is assault no matter who perpetrates it.

When it became clear to this friend that not only was I not going to support her but that I would essentially tell her it was her own fault when she got hit back, and that if she really wanted to get the authorities involved I would be more than happy to make a statement that did not omit any details, wonder of wonders -- she stopped hitting the guys in the group.


I don't care who you are -- you lift a hand to someone else when you're not defending yourself or another person, you get what you deserve if they retaliate, and I sure as hell am not going to bear false witness just because of the genders involved.

I see that kind of behaviour in anime or films and i am strongly against it. sex, gender etc. doesn't matter in terms of hurting other peoples.

It is one of the things that I hate about manga/anime.

[Kowani]

Many, many years ago I had a friend who was very free with hitting people, especially men, and most especially men she was dating.

One day she punched a male friend of mine in the arm apropos of nothing. She had done this many times, and he was tired of it. So he grabbed her by the shoulder, turned her, and slapped her once, hard, across the ass like an errant toddler.

When she said, all outraged to me, "HE HIT ME!" she did not like my reply, "Only because you hit him first."

There are women who think they have free rein to hit men but scream abuse if they defend themselves. Assault is assault no matter who perpetrates it.

When it became clear to this friend that not only was I not going to support her but that I would essentially tell her it was her own fault when she got hit back, and that if she really wanted to get the authorities involved I would be more than happy to make a statement that did not omit any details, wonder of wonders -- she stopped hitting the guys in the group.


I don't care who you are -- you lift a hand to someone else when you're not defending yourself or another person, you get what you deserve if they retaliate, and I sure as hell am not going to bear false witness just because of the genders involved.

I see that kind of behaviour in anime or films and i am strongly against it. sex, gender etc. doesn't matter in terms of hurting other peoples.

Ah, yes, the tsundere archetype.

[Galloism]

Many, many years ago I had a friend who was very free with hitting people, especially men, and most especially men she was dating.

One day she punched a male friend of mine in the arm apropos of nothing. She had done this many times, and he was tired of it. So he grabbed her by the shoulder, turned her, and slapped her once, hard, across the ass like an errant toddler.

When she said, all outraged to me, "HE HIT ME!" she did not like my reply, "Only because you hit him first."

There are women who think they have free rein to hit men but scream abuse if they defend themselves. Assault is assault no matter who perpetrates it.

When it became clear to this friend that not only was I not going to support her but that I would essentially tell her it was her own fault when she got hit back, and that if she really wanted to get the authorities involved I would be more than happy to make a statement that did not omit any details, wonder of wonders -- she stopped hitting the guys in the group.


I don't care who you are -- you lift a hand to someone else when you're not defending yourself or another person, you get what you deserve if they retaliate, and I sure as hell am not going to bear false witness just because of the genders involved.

This is actually good of you. If only more people would do this.

It’s a sad fact of life, but had you not been there, your friend likely would have been arrested on her word.

[VVerkia]

Ah, yes, the tsundere archetype.

I was thinking about

There are women who think they have free rein to hit men but scream abuse if they defend themselves. Assault is assault no matter who perpetrates it.

You know. Pattern of "school queen" or "boss" who literally mock others all the time and when someone hit them in return, they call cops, adults, teachers, parents, lawyers to protect themselves. Peoples who desire to rule another no mater of cost.
Tsundere archetype does not matter in that terms from my pov. They are different peoples. (Ok. I have my heart more to peoples like them, then to other "types", like, i feel or see some damages they hide, scars, they want to protect or it's only my imaginations).

[New haven america]

Many, many years ago I had a friend who was very free with hitting people, especially men, and most especially men she was dating.

One day she punched a male friend of mine in the arm apropos of nothing. She had done this many times, and he was tired of it. So he grabbed her by the shoulder, turned her, and slapped her once, hard, across the ass like an errant toddler.

When she said, all outraged to me, "HE HIT ME!" she did not like my reply, "Only because you hit him first."

There are women who think they have free rein to hit men but scream abuse if they defend themselves. Assault is assault no matter who perpetrates it.

When it became clear to this friend that not only was I not going to support her but that I would essentially tell her it was her own fault when she got hit back, and that if she really wanted to get the authorities involved I would be more than happy to make a statement that did not omit any details, wonder of wonders -- she stopped hitting the guys in the group.


I don't care who you are -- you lift a hand to someone else when you're not defending yourself or another person, you get what you deserve if they retaliate, and I sure as hell am not going to bear false witness just because of the genders involved.

I see that kind of behaviour in anime or films and i am strongly against it. sex, gender etc. doesn't matter in terms of hurting other peoples.

That's because physically correcting your partner is still seen as fine in a lot of the world.

[Rojava Free State]

The amount of physical and emotional abuse I've suffered from my current and previous girlfriends has convinced me to forget about finding a relationship that will last.

Fuck it. My daydreams of true love and all that crap are gone, and I have faith no more.