NATION

PASSWORD

The NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition II: The Winner!

For discussion and debate about anything. (Not a roleplay related forum; out-of-character commentary only.)

Advertisement

Remove ads

Choose your favourite NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition entry:

Poll ended at Sun Apr 12, 2020 7:12 am

Dumb Ideologies 1
3
9%
Dumb Ideologies 2
6
18%
Piraccas
1
3%
Cannot think of a name
10
29%
Hurdergaryp
5
15%
Bombadil
2
6%
Forsher
3
9%
Czechostan
1
3%
An Alan Smithee Nation
1
3%
Pax Nerdvana
2
6%
 
Total votes : 34

User avatar
Rojava Free State
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 18831
Founded: Feb 06, 2018
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Rojava Free State » Thu Apr 02, 2020 7:51 am

Me save word, have big time do other thing.
Last edited by Rojava Free State on Thu Apr 02, 2020 7:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
political compass:

Economic Left/Right: -0.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.38
pro: marijuana, gun rights, private property

anti: fascism, communism, islamism, sexism, pan africanism, La raza, Warren Police Department (and most of the other police departments of metro Detroit except for Auburn Hills. They're aight), gun control, trump, obama, bush, clinton, reagan, carter, chipotle and snotty in crowd teens. Ugh I can't deal with them
Hurdergaryp wrote:Humanity keeps seeing itself as the crown of creation, but to this world we're a crown of thorns at best.


Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/invites/conta ... ent=82zr2h

User avatar
Andsed
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8919
Founded: Aug 24, 2017
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Andsed » Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:21 am

The Free Joy State wrote:
Andsed wrote:The Archaeologist claimed to have a heart of stone, a pickaxe was clearly needed.

You'd bring a weapon into our nice thread and take aim at a heart? What dastardly deeds are afoot here? Endeavouring to engineer the Bulwer-Lytton bout with bursts of brutality?

Be assured my wary eye is upon you, Andsed. :p

Such a foul accusation that has been been levied upon me. I was merely suggesting we engage in the experience known as Minecraft and search for diamonds with pickaxes. I am most offended that I have been smeared as some savage brute. :p
Hello I am Andsed welcome to my sig.


Amazing Andsed quotes:
Ok lets get back on topic so we don´t get this thread locked thanks to talking about my church windmill dancing.
Andsed is not legally responsible for any injuries that may occur if you take this seriously and somehow get a trebuchet and try to fling yourself into a plane. You fucking dumbass
NationStates going from serious debates about homosexuality to jokes about Jesus a marijuana dealer in the span of one to two posts since November 13 2002.
Sorry my mind is always in the gutter no it lives in gutter my mind is fuckin called pennywise it is in the gutter so much.
How does one outsource racism? Do you like get an Indian guy to call people and call them racial slurs?

LOVEWHOYOUARE~

User avatar
Nanatsu no Tsuki
Post Overlord
 
Posts: 192702
Founded: Feb 10, 2008
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:38 am

Rojava Free State wrote:Me save word, have big time do other thing.


Such eloquence, Gork! :p
Code name: Ratatouille Strychnine
Also: THERNSY!!
Your story isn't over;֍Help save transgender people's lives֍Help for feral cats
Cat with internet access||Heartless, ''transgendered non-binary kawaii Chan'', & a d*ck.||No TGs
RIP: Dyakovo & Ashmoria

User avatar
Ethel mermania
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 104986
Founded: Aug 20, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Ethel mermania » Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:25 pm

He read the sentence, unthinking unfeeling, pawing at the pages futily to find meaning, finally, fuck it, the book is pushed off the table, because I am El Gato.



Edit: needed a change
Last edited by Ethel mermania on Thu Apr 02, 2020 4:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.
The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion … but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact; non-Westerners never do.

http://www.salientpartners.com/epsilont ... ilizations

User avatar
Cekoviu
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 16094
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Cekoviu » Thu Apr 02, 2020 2:11 pm

No longer impeded by the anxieties of his sober mind, Edward was finally able to summon the courage to ask that ever-relevant question, "Mommy, where are my tendies?", setting in motion a series of events from which his small town of North Affleck, Alaska would never recover.
RWDT - REST IN POWER
Market socialist, David Hume fangirl, and massive Tuvaboo. Moderate SWERF & traditionalist SJW. Non-denominational Christian, influenced by Orthodoxy and certain Protestant currents.
/tʃɛ'koʊ.vi:.ju:/ (check-OH-vee-you)

User avatar
Pax Nerdvana
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 14243
Founded: May 22, 2017
Anarchy

Postby Pax Nerdvana » Thu Apr 02, 2020 4:07 pm

The old weather beaten farmer stared at the crater in his field that had been left by the crashing of an ovoid object that was glowing a deep orange; he compared it to an apple.

How could I make this worse?
Right leaning male American independent and something of a libertarian. I am a fan of SF, Transformers, Star Wars, Star Trek, military history, retrogaming, NASA, and Nintendo, among other things. The First Amendment gives freedom; the Second ensures it. TANSTAAFL! Call me Pax. Also: puns.
Colonize other planets! Space! NASA!
Dangerous freedom>peaceful oppression
The stars are ours! Ad Astra!
Live free or die!
Don't tread on me.
Quotes
It's "We the People", not "We the Government.
Christian
Bill of Rights
Think for yourself-it's patriotic! Don't be sheeple!
I dislike and/or distrust big business, taxes, the current American political parties, and the government.
Freedom is never free, so remember those who died for it.
Support the troops!

User avatar
Ethel mermania
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 104986
Founded: Aug 20, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Ethel mermania » Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:24 pm

In these bad times, the time of the diabolical Farn, The little crazy darling has only one nail, what‘S up with Marcia?
The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion … but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact; non-Westerners never do.

http://www.salientpartners.com/epsilont ... ilizations

User avatar
Hakons
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5619
Founded: Jul 14, 2015
Moralistic Democracy

Postby Hakons » Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:48 pm

Aethelegcberht, peering across the moor to the swamp beyond, beheld the last Dane spearmen cut down in the false refuge of the fen, causing a surprise motion of piety, as the thane remembered Bede's tale of the sparrow's uncertain flight upon leaving the mead-hall and entering the stormy winter pitch.
“All elements of the national life must be made to drink in the Life which proceedeth from Him: legislation, political institutions, education, marriage and family life, capital and labour.” —Pope Leo XIII

User avatar
Czechostan
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1007
Founded: Apr 23, 2013
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Czechostan » Thu Apr 02, 2020 7:03 pm

Fireworks exploding before my eyes, steel drumsticks pounding at my ears, as my inert body acrobatically glided across the room, I began to reflect that he was not referring to a foreign culinary dish when he offered me a "knuckle sandwich."

User avatar
MGTOWia
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 183
Founded: Nov 22, 2017
Capitalist Paradise

Postby MGTOWia » Thu Apr 02, 2020 7:38 pm

It was a dark and Stormy Daniels who flew in from the howling maelstrom of economic catastrophe brought about by her flourishing new career as a camgirl, beautiful as the corroded lungs of ten thousand China Virus victims, raging at the universe that had conspired to thwart the most secret schemes of the Resitance, as she screamed, “I am come to dare you to strike me down and transmogrify me into the Eternal Recurrence!”
"The more money you make, the more women you should avoid." -- YouTube user Anubis_X64

"Wokeness is a disease. MGTOW is the cure."

"Love: (n) the mechanism the human species has evolved to keep males and females from killing each other long enough to produce and raise offspring."

User avatar
Shamhnan Insir
Minister
 
Posts: 2493
Founded: Jul 08, 2013
Father Knows Best State

Postby Shamhnan Insir » Thu Apr 02, 2020 10:25 pm

The Archregimancy wrote:
Shamhnan Insir wrote:The writers block has settled in and did not appear to want to budge unlike the bottle of Mortlach 16 y.o which had tipped and now slowly poured its golden soul across the table.


I am as immune to sentences about whisky as I am to kittens.

My heart is hardened to all forms of bribery, whether subtle or overt; indeed, I have no heart - only a small, cold pebble of inert stone where my heart used to be.

Hmmm I had thought I may have found a small chink in the armour!
So a change of tack is necessary....


In the abandoned house, taps dripped with the forlorn music of those mourning their lost battle with the relentless marching of time.
Last edited by Shamhnan Insir on Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
Call me Sham

-"Governments may think and say as they like, but force cannot be eliminated, and it is the only real and unanswerable power. We are told that the pen is mightier than the sword, but I know which of these weapons I would choose." Sir Adrian Paul Ghislain Carton de Wiart VC, KBE, CB, CMG, DSO.

Nationalism is an infantile disease, it is the measles of humanity.
Darwinish Brentsylvania wrote:Shamhnan Insir started this wonderful tranquility, ALL PRAISE THE SHEPHERD KING

User avatar
The Archregimancy
Game Moderator
 
Posts: 24531
Founded: Aug 01, 2005
Democratic Socialists

Postby The Archregimancy » Fri Apr 03, 2020 1:36 am

Aha, recent entries have shown an improvement.

The first couple of pages of the thread were perhaps slightly inconsistent, and not necessarily always up to the high standards of the 2012 competition.

But we now seem to be getting more into the spirit of things.

To offer further encouragement, here's my all-time favourite winner of the real Bulwer-Lytton contest, from 1984:

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarous tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, “Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my steel through your last meal.”

User avatar
Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17167
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Fri Apr 03, 2020 1:46 am

It started slowly, like a creeping ninja on a full moon night, building strength until, at last, it was ready for the full assault and that came like an avalanche, unstoppable and omnipresent; it was at this point John listened to his mother and took the paracetamol.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

User avatar
The Free Joy State
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 11908
Founded: Jan 05, 2014
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby The Free Joy State » Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:09 am

There are stories that sweep into a stirring crescendo until well-timed measures fade to linger like the haunting refrain of a tremulous piccolo, stories that grip the gut with tears and terrors so the palms leak voluble sweat, there are stories that carry you along like a passionate tango and thrill your heart with anticipation –- this is not one of those stories.
"If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." - Toni Morrison

My nation does not represent my beliefs or politics.

User avatar
Cannot think of a name
Post Czar
 
Posts: 30559
Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Cannot think of a name » Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:09 am

The engine wasn't all that little which made the fact that it couldn't all the more disappointing.
Everything for the cat.

User avatar
Nobel Hobos 2
Negotiator
 
Posts: 6736
Founded: Dec 04, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Nobel Hobos 2 » Fri Apr 03, 2020 3:51 am

Cannot think of a name wrote:The engine wasn't all that little which made the fact that it couldn't all the more disappointing.


Ooh, children's writing. I didn't think of that, very fertile ground indeed ...
Also, AiliAiliA
No footwear industry: citizens cannot afford new shoes.
High rate of Nobel prizes and other academic achievements.

User avatar
Nobel Hobos 2
Negotiator
 
Posts: 6736
Founded: Dec 04, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Nobel Hobos 2 » Fri Apr 03, 2020 3:54 am

The Free Joy State wrote:There are stories that sweep into a stirring crescendo until well-timed measures fade to linger like the haunting refrain of a tremulous piccolo, stories that grip the gut with tears and terrors so the palms leak voluble sweat, there are stories that carry you along like a passionate tango and thrill your heart with anticipation –- this is not one of those stories.


First half is good I mean very bad. But then it turned legit and actually got me in.

"and this is that story" at the end would be better worse.

Anyone else finding this harder than expected?
Also, AiliAiliA
No footwear industry: citizens cannot afford new shoes.
High rate of Nobel prizes and other academic achievements.

User avatar
Nobel Hobos 2
Negotiator
 
Posts: 6736
Founded: Dec 04, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Nobel Hobos 2 » Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:13 am

As previously mentioned and widely expected, our complex heroes set forth heart on sleeve, carrying nobody's hopes or creams, into an extraordinary pace of everyday events, leading them I know not where.

(My device: clumsily breaking the fourth wall)
Last edited by Nobel Hobos 2 on Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
Also, AiliAiliA
No footwear industry: citizens cannot afford new shoes.
High rate of Nobel prizes and other academic achievements.

User avatar
Dumb Ideologies
Post Czar
 
Posts: 42986
Founded: Sep 30, 2007
Mother Knows Best State

Postby Dumb Ideologies » Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:16 am

"If these walls could talk, the stories they would tell", mused Peter as he toured the toilets of 10 Downing Street, momentarily triggering a girlish mid-shit scream from Boris and a chastened constable bundling him into the back of a police van.
Tʜᴇ Sᴛʀᴀssᴇʀɪsᴛ Sᴜɴᴅᴀᴇ Cʟᴜʙ ᴏғ Dᴜᴍʙ Iᴅᴇᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇs
¸„¤*˜*¤„¸„¤*˜*¤„¸ Use Culture War Snake Oil on all your stubborn political stains - if it doesn't work just add more! ¸„¤*˜*¤„¸„¤*˜*¤„¸
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane ~ Marcus Aurelius
♆ P ᴀ x D I ᴀ ʙ ᴏ ʟ ɪ ᴄ ᴀ ♆

User avatar
Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17167
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Fri Apr 03, 2020 5:24 am

A deep silence swept across the lonely and forgotten moor as the hooded figure ascended from the peat bog, riding on the wings of five arch-angels and chewing the horns of Satan himself, no more concerned with the consequences than he was when constructing the blasphemous list of "best wines to accompany dieu au vin" rammed in the back pocket of his Levis.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

User avatar
Sadakoyama
Envoy
 
Posts: 320
Founded: Jun 22, 2006
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Sadakoyama » Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:10 am

In the fall of my thirteenth year, it being that singular, enchanted, all too brief moment when the idle, meandering perambulations of one's careless schoolboy summers reluctantly yields to one's eventual occupation in those officially prescribed scholarly pursuits, studies imposed by persons nameless and stern from distant ivory towers, from which their gaze seldom rests on the majesty of the delightful transformations in the pigment of the season's verdure, heedless of the cacophonous orchestra of insect, bird, and frog that so delights young boys of that age; in such a time, in such a place, and in such a season I awoke, reluctantly and in no small discomfort, to an unexpected throbbing tumescence situated in the vicinity of my nasal organ, a dreadful ache within my head and a sickly dampness upon my brow; which unpleasantness I deduced was due to the unwarranted and unwelcome invasion of mucosal membranes interior to the aforementioned nostrily appendage by some species of untimely viral creature, the result of which threatened a previously agreed upon itinerary for the forthcoming day, the interruption of which would surely impede my pursuit of the girlish affections of my dearest flaxen-haired Rebecca, a charming and coquettish waif of fair complexion, easy wit, and tintinnabulous laughter, a dear child already the object of fervent mutual pursuit by many of my erstwhile compatriots, a treacherous race in which I was in no way the front-runner.


(It may be lengthy, indeed, but to use fewer words than needed is to cheat the reader.)
Last edited by Sadakoyama on Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:13 am, edited 2 times in total.
Sadakoyama - We're not Communist.

User avatar
MGTOWia
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 183
Founded: Nov 22, 2017
Capitalist Paradise

Postby MGTOWia » Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:38 am

It was a night like the tens of thousands he and others throughout history had experienced, but for the dream: that he had been imprisoned in the body of a steer; that the door marked “Exit” that had promised to return him to his natural state opened instead onto a long, winding, redolent ramp that led inexorably to a meat packing plant, where his bovine carcass would imminently be torn apart and processed into steaks, roasts, ground meat and offal for consumption by his worthless and foolish inferiors; and yet, his greatest fear was not his impending exsanguination, but that he would be memorialized as a steer rather than as a bull.
"The more money you make, the more women you should avoid." -- YouTube user Anubis_X64

"Wokeness is a disease. MGTOW is the cure."

"Love: (n) the mechanism the human species has evolved to keep males and females from killing each other long enough to produce and raise offspring."

User avatar
Voxija
Diplomat
 
Posts: 600
Founded: Jan 17, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Voxija » Fri Apr 03, 2020 9:41 am

Here's my first effort:

He—he was only named he, since his erstwhile, should-have-been-loving parents had both died in agonizing slow childbirth and had never had the chance to name their little child—trudged heavily, in dark and stormy, indolent, steamy weather that was characteristic of the certain part of Venezuela where he walked, through the boggy, foggy, heavy, foreboding, trundulous streets of the polluted, poverty-wretched, ridden, cholera-filled, heavy, wine-dark city of exhausting Caracas, exasperatingly besieged by the fortuitous, lonesome, nauseous, nauseated, heavy, poor, unwashed masses, such as those which represented his dark prescient loneliness and lost, heavy, forlorn, nay, forlost hopes.

Adjectives.
The Republic of Voxija (pronounced: Voshiya)
I'm female.
Oddly Jewish. Trying to learn French and failing. An American who wishes the US would switch to the metric system. Stroppy cow and proud of it. Secret pyromaniac?

my politics are confused and muddled
I did not create this friggin flag; it is the Basque flag, and I will not change my IC flag.
I'd rather be fishing.
I think that by now I've created more lore for my nation than most real-world nations have.
I actually don't speak Basque. I just think it's a cool language.

User avatar
Dumb Ideologies
Post Czar
 
Posts: 42986
Founded: Sep 30, 2007
Mother Knows Best State

Postby Dumb Ideologies » Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:46 pm

The blank grey bar to the side of the screen whispers gently in your ear, "I'm coming for your login session soon".
Tʜᴇ Sᴛʀᴀssᴇʀɪsᴛ Sᴜɴᴅᴀᴇ Cʟᴜʙ ᴏғ Dᴜᴍʙ Iᴅᴇᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇs
¸„¤*˜*¤„¸„¤*˜*¤„¸ Use Culture War Snake Oil on all your stubborn political stains - if it doesn't work just add more! ¸„¤*˜*¤„¸„¤*˜*¤„¸
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane ~ Marcus Aurelius
♆ P ᴀ x D I ᴀ ʙ ᴏ ʟ ɪ ᴄ ᴀ ♆

User avatar
Rojava Free State
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 18831
Founded: Feb 06, 2018
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Rojava Free State » Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:50 pm

Indeed, a personal malformation of Adam's second son causes me to become an animated creature.
political compass:

Economic Left/Right: -0.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.38
pro: marijuana, gun rights, private property

anti: fascism, communism, islamism, sexism, pan africanism, La raza, Warren Police Department (and most of the other police departments of metro Detroit except for Auburn Hills. They're aight), gun control, trump, obama, bush, clinton, reagan, carter, chipotle and snotty in crowd teens. Ugh I can't deal with them
Hurdergaryp wrote:Humanity keeps seeing itself as the crown of creation, but to this world we're a crown of thorns at best.


Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/invites/conta ... ent=82zr2h

PreviousNext

Advertisement

Remove ads

Return to General

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Aeritai, Bombadil, DeezNutzz, Forsher, Greed and Death, Merriwhether, Picairn, Shanghai industrial complex, Spirit of Hope, Sulivannia, The Reformed American Republic, Uiiop, Unstoppable Empire of Doom, US-SSR

Advertisement

Remove ads