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The NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition II: The Winner!

For discussion and debate about anything. (Not a roleplay related forum; out-of-character commentary only.)

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Choose your favourite NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition entry:

Poll ended at Sun Apr 12, 2020 7:12 am

Dumb Ideologies 1
3
9%
Dumb Ideologies 2
6
18%
Piraccas
1
3%
Cannot think of a name
10
29%
Hurdergaryp
5
15%
Bombadil
2
6%
Forsher
3
9%
Czechostan
1
3%
An Alan Smithee Nation
1
3%
Pax Nerdvana
2
6%
 
Total votes : 34

User avatar
Rojava Free State
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 18531
Founded: Feb 06, 2018
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Rojava Free State » Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:50 pm

Indeed, a personal malformation of Adam's second son causes me to become an animated creature.

https://youtu.be/-ENAA89lxjc
Last edited by Rojava Free State on Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
political compass:

Economic Left/Right: -0.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.38
pro: marijuana, gun rights, private property

anti: fascism, communism, islamism, sexism, pan africanism, La raza, Warren Police Department (and most of the other police departments of metro Detroit except for Auburn Hills. They're aight), gun control, trump, obama, bush, clinton, reagan, carter, chipotle and snotty in crowd teens. Ugh I can't deal with them
Hurdergaryp wrote:Humanity keeps seeing itself as the crown of creation, but to this world we're a crown of thorns at best.


Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/invites/conta ... ent=82zr2h

User avatar
Cannot think of a name
Post Czar
 
Posts: 30525
Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Cannot think of a name » Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:55 pm

Gravel, it turned out, was a terrible substitute for toilet paper.
Everything for the cat.

User avatar
Pax Nerdvana
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 14216
Founded: May 22, 2017
Anarchy

Postby Pax Nerdvana » Fri Apr 03, 2020 3:20 pm

The little boat was as long as a six foot three tree is tall; it floated as well as a bowling ball; needless to say, it didn't.
Right leaning male American independent and something of a libertarian. I am a fan of SF, Transformers, Star Wars, Star Trek, military history, retrogaming, NASA, and Nintendo, among other things. The First Amendment gives freedom; the Second ensures it. TANSTAAFL! Call me Pax. Also: puns.
Colonize other planets! Space! NASA!
Dangerous freedom>peaceful oppression
The stars are ours! Ad Astra!
Live free or die!
Don't tread on me.
Quotes
It's "We the People", not "We the Government.
Christian
Bill of Rights
Think for yourself-it's patriotic! Don't be sheeple!
I dislike and/or distrust big business, taxes, the current American political parties, and the government.
Freedom is never free, so remember those who died for it.
Support the troops!

User avatar
Voxija
Diplomat
 
Posts: 580
Founded: Jan 17, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Voxija » Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:10 pm

The non-ironic perverted juggalo cried out, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm memes and eat you".
The Republic of Voxija (pronounced: Voshiya)
I'm female.
Oddly Jewish. Trying to learn French and failing. An American who wishes the US would switch to the metric system. Stroppy cow and proud of it. Secret pyromaniac?

my politics are confused and muddled
I did not create this friggin flag; it is the Basque flag, and I will not change my IC flag.
I'd rather be fishing.
I think that by now I've created more lore for my nation than most real-world nations have.
I actually don't speak Basque. I just think it's a cool language.

User avatar
Hurdergaryp
Post Czar
 
Posts: 34819
Founded: Jul 10, 2016
Democratic Socialists

Postby Hurdergaryp » Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:25 pm

Soon I would lament the loss of that blessed moment, shortly after waking up on the floor of the public toilet, when I was not yet aware of the very nature of the dried fluids covering most of my aching body.


“Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent.”
Mao Zedong

User avatar
Cannot think of a name
Post Czar
 
Posts: 30525
Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Cannot think of a name » Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:35 pm

Hurdergaryp wrote:Soon I would lament the loss of that blessed moment, shortly after waking up on the floor of the public toilet, when I was not yet aware of the very nature of the dried fluids covering most of my aching body.

Unfortunately for the nature of this competition, I would 100% read the rest of this story.
Everything for the cat.

User avatar
Hurdergaryp
Post Czar
 
Posts: 34819
Founded: Jul 10, 2016
Democratic Socialists

Postby Hurdergaryp » Fri Apr 03, 2020 5:05 pm

With the aftertaste of lima beans and cheap gin still lingering in the back of her mouth, she screamed at the top of her longs "No Longer Shall We Be Forced To Remain In The House Of The Lord, FOREVER!" in a surprisingly deep baritone voice, while struggling to undo the straps of her season-appropriate lederhosen.


“Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent.”
Mao Zedong

User avatar
Ethel mermania
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 104886
Founded: Aug 20, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Ethel mermania » Fri Apr 03, 2020 5:12 pm

Hurdergaryp wrote:With the aftertaste of lima beans and cheap gin still lingering in the back of her mouth, she screamed at the top of her longs "No Longer Shall We Be Forced To Remain In The House Of The Lord, FOREVER!" in a surprisingly deep baritone voice, while struggling to undo the straps of her season-appropriate lederhosen.

Where can I buy this book?
The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion … but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact; non-Westerners never do.

http://www.salientpartners.com/epsilont ... ilizations

User avatar
Grenartia
Post Czar
 
Posts: 42237
Founded: Feb 14, 2010
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Grenartia » Fri Apr 03, 2020 5:19 pm

"Well hey there, cutie" the person in the Minions bikini said with a smile that betrayed their years of meth abuse, and voice that sounded like Pee Wee Herman gargling boiling tar, as they stepped out of the pizza kitchen, which smelt suspiciously like rotten egg farts.
Impeach Humanity, Legalize Death Stars, Life is TheftWis/Gren 2016 Something all cisgender allies should start doing. I wear teal, blue & pink for Swith. ⚧Copy and paste this in your sig if you passed biology and know gender and sex aren't the same thing.⚧
"Don't take life so serious. It isn't permanent."-Dyakovo
I'm a pansexual Androgyne. Also a Christian.
Please use they/them/their when referencing me, as I do NOT appreciate the other pronouns.
Textbook definition of irony
Quotes of awesomeness

User avatar
Hurdergaryp
Post Czar
 
Posts: 34819
Founded: Jul 10, 2016
Democratic Socialists

Postby Hurdergaryp » Fri Apr 03, 2020 5:28 pm

Cannot think of a name wrote:
Hurdergaryp wrote:Soon I would lament the loss of that blessed moment, shortly after waking up on the floor of the public toilet, when I was not yet aware of the very nature of the dried fluids covering most of my aching body.

Unfortunately for the nature of this competition, I would 100% read the rest of this story.

Ethel mermania wrote:
Hurdergaryp wrote:With the aftertaste of lima beans and cheap gin still lingering in the back of her mouth, she screamed at the top of her longs "No Longer Shall We Be Forced To Remain In The House Of The Lord, FOREVER!" in a surprisingly deep baritone voice, while struggling to undo the straps of her season-appropriate lederhosen.

Where can I buy this book?

I'm doing this terribly wrong, am I not?


“Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent.”
Mao Zedong

User avatar
Nanatsu no Tsuki
Post Overlord
 
Posts: 192687
Founded: Feb 10, 2008
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:26 pm

Hurdergaryp wrote:With the aftertaste of lima beans and cheap gin still lingering in the back of her mouth, she screamed at the top of her longs "No Longer Shall We Be Forced To Remain In The House Of The Lord, FOREVER!" in a surprisingly deep baritone voice, while struggling to undo the straps of her season-appropriate lederhosen.


I’m hooked to this one. The lederhosen did it.
Code name: Ratatouille Strychnine
Also: THERNSY!!
Your story isn't over;֍Help save transgender people's lives֍Help for feral cats
Cat with internet access||Heartless, ''transgendered non-binary kawaii Chan'', & a d*ck.||No TGs
RIP: Dyakovo & Ashmoria

User avatar
Ethel mermania
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 104886
Founded: Aug 20, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Ethel mermania » Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:33 pm

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:
Hurdergaryp wrote:With the aftertaste of lima beans and cheap gin still lingering in the back of her mouth, she screamed at the top of her longs "No Longer Shall We Be Forced To Remain In The House Of The Lord, FOREVER!" in a surprisingly deep baritone voice, while struggling to undo the straps of her season-appropriate lederhosen.


I’m hooked to this one. The lederhosen did it.


I did nOt know lederhosen came in seasonally appropriate styles. There is just so much here
The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion … but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact; non-Westerners never do.

http://www.salientpartners.com/epsilont ... ilizations

User avatar
Rojava Free State
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 18531
Founded: Feb 06, 2018
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Rojava Free State » Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:46 pm

As a hand caressed her body and moved lower, she turned around expecting to see her boyfriend, but to her horror she made contact with two sunken eyes staring from a deep orange face, and a voice like that of a deranged 13 year old rasped "I'm gonna grab you by your pussy."
political compass:

Economic Left/Right: -0.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.38
pro: marijuana, gun rights, private property

anti: fascism, communism, islamism, sexism, pan africanism, La raza, Warren Police Department (and most of the other police departments of metro Detroit except for Auburn Hills. They're aight), gun control, trump, obama, bush, clinton, reagan, carter, chipotle and snotty in crowd teens. Ugh I can't deal with them
Hurdergaryp wrote:Humanity keeps seeing itself as the crown of creation, but to this world we're a crown of thorns at best.


Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/invites/conta ... ent=82zr2h

User avatar
Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17160
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:54 pm

In the political era of the times, the period in which the zeitgeist captured the essence of political sentiment and entertainment norms, it became popular to take pot shots in thinly veiled satires of the climate, in which habit we find our hero, Joe, currently engaged.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

User avatar
Bombadil
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 13738
Founded: Oct 13, 2011
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Bombadil » Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:46 pm

"This is bullshit", muttered Bombadil as he opened yet another pack of worthless cards.
Eldest, that's what I am...Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn...he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless — before the Dark Lord came from Outside..

十年

User avatar
Farnhamia
Game Moderator
 
Posts: 105496
Founded: Jun 20, 2006
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Farnhamia » Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:49 pm

Bombadil wrote:"This is bullshit", muttered Bombadil as he opened yet another pack of worthless cards.

I must take that ... computer, or whatever it is, away from him, thought Goldberry. Perhaps the Age of Man is not a good thing, but that ship sailed into the West a long time ago.
Wash Your Damned Hands!

Freedom ... or cake. ~ Ashmoria (RIP)
Make Earth Great Again: Stop Continental Drift!
And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water ...
"Make yourself at home, Frank. Hit somebody." RIP Don Rickles
My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right. ~ Carl Schurz
<Sigh> NSG...where even the atheists are Augustinians. ~ The Archregimancy
Now the foot is on the other hand ~ Kannap
RIP Dyakovo

User avatar
G0ldberry
Civilian
 
Posts: 1
Founded: Apr 06, 2018
Ex-Nation

Postby G0ldberry » Fri Apr 03, 2020 9:04 pm

Farnhamia wrote:
Bombadil wrote:"This is bullshit", muttered Bombadil as he opened yet another pack of worthless cards.

I must take that ... computer, or whatever it is, away from him, thought Goldberry. Perhaps the Age of Man is not a good thing, but that ship sailed into the West a long time ago.


He's driving me up the wall and he won't wear any pants.

User avatar
The Archregimancy
Game Moderator
 
Posts: 24530
Founded: Aug 01, 2005
Democratic Socialists

Postby The Archregimancy » Sat Apr 04, 2020 2:00 am

Just a quick note that there are four more days to get those sentences in. Impress me, NSG - I have faith in you. There are some very good efforts in here so far.


For further inspiration, here's last year's winner of the real Bulwer-Lytton contest:

Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago.

User avatar
Cannot think of a name
Post Czar
 
Posts: 30525
Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Cannot think of a name » Sat Apr 04, 2020 3:01 am

The Archregimancy wrote:Just a quick note that there are four more days to get those sentences in. Impress me, NSG - I have faith in you. There are some very good efforts in here so far.


For further inspiration, here's last year's winner of the real Bulwer-Lytton contest:

Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago.

I want to move in with that sentence and mix our record collection.
Everything for the cat.

User avatar
Hurdergaryp
Post Czar
 
Posts: 34819
Founded: Jul 10, 2016
Democratic Socialists

Postby Hurdergaryp » Sat Apr 04, 2020 6:20 am

Surrounded by a strategic stockpile of adult diapers, Domenico Eastfield, famed greatswords collector and quite the authority in the anarcho-capitalist domains of Twitter, was about to unleash a live podcast upon the online world that would dramatically change everything woke people believed about feminism, Japanese pop culture, full mechanical keyboards, and Franz Schubert's last three piano sonatas.


“Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent.”
Mao Zedong

User avatar
Voxija
Diplomat
 
Posts: 580
Founded: Jan 17, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Voxija » Sat Apr 04, 2020 6:50 am

Ashleigh Burley Valentina Tsippi Star Evangeline Enobie Lyanna von Glockenspiel-Dawnston-Takawaya-Guttieres-Romanova, a lucious fourteen-year-old girl child with hair that was blonde, then, purple, then pink, then back again, and glowing chrysanthemum orbs, and shaved arms, and also the most perfect, shapely bouncy breasts, did not know she was beautiful; the perfect girl stood in front of the great halls of 4chan, the secret to all life and the famed center of philosophy.
The Republic of Voxija (pronounced: Voshiya)
I'm female.
Oddly Jewish. Trying to learn French and failing. An American who wishes the US would switch to the metric system. Stroppy cow and proud of it. Secret pyromaniac?

my politics are confused and muddled
I did not create this friggin flag; it is the Basque flag, and I will not change my IC flag.
I'd rather be fishing.
I think that by now I've created more lore for my nation than most real-world nations have.
I actually don't speak Basque. I just think it's a cool language.

User avatar
An Alan Smithee Nation
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5192
Founded: Apr 18, 2018
New York Times Democracy

Postby An Alan Smithee Nation » Sat Apr 04, 2020 6:52 am

The side of the van read "Possum Petes Loose Meat: where road kill meets street food"; well you only live once thought Fenella taking a bite.

User avatar
Samudera Darussalam
Senator
 
Posts: 3576
Founded: Aug 05, 2016
New York Times Democracy

Postby Samudera Darussalam » Sat Apr 04, 2020 8:28 am

Hands trembling, the boy reads the document, word by word, looking into every important bits of information, his eyes scan the various characters down to the bottom to ensure that nothing is left, and when he finished with the greatest of sigh, he wondered, what makes his parents to hate him so much to make them name him Bornbabydoom McDoomy Face.
Embassy Link - This is closed for a while.

Indonesian Muslim

User avatar
Ethel mermania
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 104886
Founded: Aug 20, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Ethel mermania » Sat Apr 04, 2020 8:35 am

The Archregimancy wrote:Just a quick note that there are four more days to get those sentences in. Impress me, NSG - I have faith in you. There are some very good efforts in here so far.


For further inspiration, here's last year's winner of the real Bulwer-Lytton contest:

Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago.

I for one think dostoevsky and bombidil are wonderful entrants into the competion dr Jones, he said as he stormed out the door and tripped over a series of large hairy ferns.
The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion … but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact; non-Westerners never do.

http://www.salientpartners.com/epsilont ... ilizations

User avatar
Diarcesia
Minister
 
Posts: 2419
Founded: Aug 21, 2016
Democratic Socialists

Postby Diarcesia » Sat Apr 04, 2020 8:47 am

"Record scratch. Freeze frame. You're probably wondering why this writer is in this predicament," you say aloud, as you realize that you are scribbling the prologue of an opus that would make even Bulwer-Lytton palm his face.
Factbooks | Economic Liaison | Maintenance
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Leo "the Wise"?
I thought not. It’s not a story the Byzantines would tell you. It’s a romantic legend.
bespoke and goldpilled

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