Bizarre letter to myself

[The Macabees]

I got a letter to myself that I don't remember writing.

Dear Jon,

You're going to read this and freak out—but I am you, in the past. Alright, here's the deal brotification, I need $200 dollars pronto, and I know that you're probably an engineer, or something sweet like that, rolling in the dough—so send me some.

Currently, I'm a pirate, stuck in the prisons of Hilltop. In two days I leave for the high seas, once again—explaining the money. Then I go to raid Spain for some booty and rum, and then to the coasts of Southwestern.

I'm also a ninja status cowboy in training. Oh yes, I'm gonna inspire you to do something... ok ... and AP English is cool.

Sweet deal,
Finegold out

That's all in my handwriting. Not in my handwriting is:

P.S. You were not high this day. Drugs suck.

And then in yet a different set of handwriting:

Hello there chum—James

The letter was mailed from my old high school, which I graduated from in 2005. But, it was mailed on 11 June 2009.

I did not write this to myself recently. I have no idea what's going on. Who should I mail $200 to?

This will make an excellent blog post on my blog.

[Layarteb]

Well I'm James so I'll take the $200.

[Lacadaemon]

I fly international a lot, so I've read a lot of books that cover this type of situation and therefore am a bit of an expert.

The first thing I can tell you is DO NOT send the $200 dollars. If you do, you'll probably end up having a bit of a rough time over the next few months. Most likely you will end up being chased around the country by government thugs, end up being helped by a psychic golden retriever (or possibly a super intelligent monkey) and have to live out the rest of your days anonymously under a new identity with a woman who you helped recover from a previously abusive relationship. Obviously the whole thing is part of a rogue CIA/NSA/Department of Education black op involving genetic engineering and/or time travel.

The only thing that doesn't fit the profile is that you are not a recently widowed middle aged cop.

[Greed and Death]

I am sorry i am confiscating all your LSD.

[The Macabees]

A few shrooms can change that Mr. Lacadaemon. This was worthy of a blog post.

[Tnemrot]

A few shrooms can change that Mr. Lacadaemon. This was worthy of a blog post.

I think you may have eaten them all.

[Ifreann]

This will make an excellent blog post on my blog.

You best be high, because if you made a serious blog post about that you'd look like a nut case.

[Greed and Death]

This will make an excellent blog post on my blog.

You best be high, because if you made a serious blog post about that you'd look like a nut case.

LSD and shroom is trippen not high.

[The Macabees]

So, I listened to the phone message. I can't decipher it all, including his name.

"Hey, this is Jon's friend [blank]... something something ... FUHSD Hilltop ... [number]."

The number's area code is 866, I think. According to Yahoo that's used by telemarketers... but how do they know I went to Hilltop, why would they say they're my friend and why does it coincide with the day I get the letter?

[Ifreann]

This will make an excellent blog post on my blog.

You best be high, because if you made a serious blog post about that you'd look like a nut case.

LSD and shroom is trippen not high.

We'll its not sober.

[Greed and Death]

So, I listened to the phone message. I can't decipher it all, including his name.

"Hey, this is Jon's friend [blank]... something something ... FUHSD Hilltop ... [number]."

The number's area code is 866, I think. According to Yahoo that's used by telemarketers... but how do they know I went to Hilltop, why would they say they're my friend and why does it coincide with the day I get the letter?

you didn't go the telemarketers called and left a message while you were trippen and you thought it would be fun to fuck with your non trippen self.

[The Macabees]

I smoke pot, but I don't do shrooms or LSD. And if I have, I definitely did not mail myself a latter on 11 June. There is something deeper to this.

[Buffett and Colbert]

[Greed and Death]

I smoke pot, but I don't do shrooms or LSD. And if I have, I definitely did not mail myself a latter on 11 June. There is something deeper to this.

yeah your pot was spiked with pcp.

[Wilgrove]

Maybe your friends are fucking with you?

[Tnemrot]

It's The W Conspiracy like we discussed on #d. You're the latest victim.

[Maldorians]

Omg, this is epic. I presume you wrote this a long time ago but then the people at the school 'discovered' it and wrote the post-scripts....

[Phenia]

I got a letter to myself that I don't remember writing.

Dear Jon,

You're going to read this and freak out—but I am you, in the past. Alright, here's the deal brotification, I need $200 dollars pronto, and I know that you're probably an engineer, or something sweet like that, rolling in the dough—so send me some.

Currently, I'm a pirate, stuck in the prisons of Hilltop. In two days I leave for the high seas, once again—explaining the money. Then I go to raid Spain for some booty and rum, and then to the coasts of Southwestern.

I'm also a ninja status cowboy in training. Oh yes, I'm gonna inspire you to do something... ok ... and AP English is cool.

Sweet deal,
Finegold out

That's all in my handwriting. Not in my handwriting is:

P.S. You were not high this day. Drugs suck.

And then in yet a different set of handwriting:

Hello there chum—James

The letter was mailed from my old high school, which I graduated from in 2005. But, it was mailed on 11 June 2009.

I did not write this to myself recently. I have no idea what's going on. Who should I mail $200 to?

This will make an excellent blog post on my blog.

Clearly, barring the possibility of drugs (its possible you wouldn't remember doing them, particularly if they were amnesiac/date rape sorts, but we can't ever know if so), this letter was written by you, in the past.

However, you don't remember writing it in the past, which means that your present self is not an aged version of the self that wrote the letter. In other words, we have a divergence of timelines.

Clearly, at some point in the future, time travel will be invented and you will travel back in time. Your future self will encounter a younger version of you - the high school you who wrote that latter. Your future self will wind up helping the past self to become a pirate and/or ninja, or at least trying to.

Unfortunately, this will not work out too good, and no sooner does your future self return back from the past to the future (ostensibly to try out the new altered universe, but this might not work) then your past self winds up needing money.

Unfortunately also, your past self is incapable of understanding the multiple timelines created to avoid paradoxes, and will write a letter to a future self that winds up being actually just the present you. Needless to say, in our present (original) timeline, none of that happened, and you can't very well give 200 to your past self without a time machine first, so your alternate reality past self really boned this one up. Nice job.

However, as it turns out, as you acquire the money anyway and start wondering who to give it to, you'll eventually wind up funding or otherwise helping to create time travel. This will then set in motion the whole chain of events, only this time you'll have foreknowledge of your previous self's time traveling, and so you'll bring a pirate and a ninja along with you so they can train your past self better.

The pirate and the ninja wrote the lines in the two other handwritings. Apparently one of them is named James. If you meet any pirates or ninjas with that name, you'll know they're the ones to take with you.

As it turns out, I'm inventing a time machine but need a little cash. About $200.

[Kraveska]

I smoke pot

Oh yeah, good thing to post on the internet. You know more than half of the members on NS are FBI agents!

[Wilgrove]

I smoke pot

Oh yeah, good thing to post on the internet. You know more than half of the members on NS are FBI agents!

Dammit, you said you weren't going to blow our cover!

See, this is why we can't do any Internet raids.

[Molested Sock]

Sounds like a combination of Terminator and Donny Darko.

[SoWiBi]

The mentioning of AP English in "your" letter, plus the fact that is was mailed by your school, makes it look like you had to write a letter to your future self as part of an AP English assignment at some point. You probbaly didn't particularly care about that (as evident form the content of your letter), so it's unsurprising you forgot all about it..

.. we do things like that with the kids too; most of them don't take it serious either.

[South Lorenya]

They didn't qualify which kind of dollars; I recommend sending $200 Zimbabwe dollars.

[Jeuna]

See, this is why we can't do any Internet raids.

leave the rai#ds to the professionals B)

[Sarkhaan]

Probably a letter that you had to write to yourself for an English assignment or something. I should have one coming in a few months now that I think about it. One of those "predict where you will be, and then see where you end up" type things.