Unacceptable Restrictions in Relationships?

[Ethel mermania]

Demanding that their partner not need to follow religious priorities around them.

Tbf though if religion or lack thereof is that important to one of partners and not the other, they probably should not be together

[Psukhe]

I just do not understand how you can have a relationship with anyone who watches porn.

So in your lack of clarity on the subject, you believe that you know what is best for all parties involved? Without understanding the subject in the first place, nor bothering to do so?

[Esheaun Stroakuss]

Again that isn't good.

[Diopolis]

Demanding that their partner not need to follow religious priorities around them.

Tbf though if religion or lack thereof is that important to one of partners and not the other, they probably should not be together

This is completely true.

[LimaUniformNovemberAlpha]

The examples all happened.

Okay, let's make one thing clear right off the bat; the Internet is a cesspool of bullshit. No one here can prove our opinions are real, let alone the anecdotes we invoke to promote them. Any reasonable person accepts this. Until one cites a real source, it's thought experiments all the way.

Fortunately, hypotheticals work just as well for thought experiments, so I'll address all 5 of these as though they were hypotheticals.

1. For many of our evolutionary cousins, interactions between males and females consisted of the females taking turns having sex with the alpha males, with all other males standing aside. You can still see clues to this including the path to humans by the fact that gun/truck ownership is attributed to physical flaws like small penises, not inability to commit to 1 woman. If one's on campus, one can use the library where one studies in full view of everyone else and the surveillance cameras.

2. Utter nonsense. If physical contact isn't where you draw the line, where is it? Who gets to say what's porn and what isn't? Is a woman cheating when she watches any kind of media featuring attractive males?

3. Depends on what she was doing in those photos.

4. Friends of the opposite sex, or same sex?

5. What happened last time he drank to excess?

[Xmara]

Never been in a relationship, but I can list some stupid restrictions that, if any man tried to impose these on me, I would break off the relationship in a heartbeat.

1. Not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. It is completely possible for someone to be friends with a member of the opposite sex without it becoming romantic.

2. Not allowed to have a career.

3. Have to look a certain way. I’ve known women whose husbands or boyfriends have expected them to wear makeup, wear their hair a certain way, wear certain clothes.

So yeah, if I ever enter a relationship, I want to be allowed to have male friends (and he can have female friends), I want to be allowed to have a career (he can too), and look how I want (all I expect in terms of appearance is that he at least have decent hygiene; I won’t date a guy who doesn’t at least shower a few times a week).

[Andsed]

There are a few restrictions that I consider red flags.

1. Not allowing your partner to have friends of the opposite gender.

2. Getting mad at your partner for liking someone else photo on social media.

3. Not allowing your spouse to hang out with friends because you don´t trust them to.

There are a few others but these are the big ones for me.

[Cannot think of a name]

I'd like to say that I only date chill people, but really if you're that specific about your partner's behavior I probably never was on your radar to begin with. Like, I had one whole girlfriend who acted with anything resembling jealousy and it wasn't even that, she just grabbed my arm when an attractive woman we kind of knew walked by. Once. At best it was an involuntary reaction, like inadvertently flexing when someone grabs your arm. More of a twitch than actually anything else.

I mean, they've all expected monogamy but that's more the norm that polyamory...plus I'm not so pimp that I am capable or in need of several partners. I have friends who are polyamorous. It's fine. Just not my jam. If someone I dated wanted that I'd have to take a moment to see if I have the maturity to deal with it. Maybe I don't. Honestly, it probably will never come up.

[Thepeopl]

Utterly unacceptable:

No contact with family members, friends.

No me time.

Not allowed to be reading.

Not allowed to look at and admire other people.

Luckily I have no restrictions on me in my relationship other than: no lying, and no sex with other without explicit consent of my spouse. I find these "restrictions" very fair. And same rules apply to my spouse. (And sort of for our children. Parents are there to discuss things with before you engage in it. Like smoking, drinking, relationship/ intimacy etc.)

[Page]

I'm very grateful to have a wife who doesn't do any of this shit. She doesn't care if I look at porn (but I don't anyway because I prefer my imagination), she doesn't count my drinks. On the rare instance she sats something about my clothes it's only because there was a stain or rip I didn't notice, and that's not a problem.

We have real respect for each other. If one of us critiques the other it's from a place of empathy. And it's been this way for 7 years since we first got together.

Other people I know, it's a different story. A friend of mine and his spouse, ughhhhhh. He once threatened to dump her if she gained 5 pounds. She (briefly) broke off their engagement because he got drunk with me. He didn't drive drunk, he didn't do anything stupid and he had nothing to do when he got home, there was no problem at all but she was pissed off enough to break up with him for an hour. And now they're trying to have a kid.

[Threlizdun]

I'm polyamorous, so partners that require monogamy are obviously a no go. Nothing wrong with that relationship preference; it just isn't for me.

On the other hand, controlling, jealous, and possessive partners raise a lot of red flags for me regardless of the relationship model, as well as those who are not effective at communicating or are generally unwilling to put the necessary work into maintaining the relationship.

Partners who belittle or demean you for your hobbies or interests are not good people to be in a relationship with. Partners that demand you sever ties from those you have strong emotional connections to because they see strong friendships as threats to themselves are manipulative and have totally unhealthy ideas about what fidelity entails. Partners who are unwilling to be challenged on problematic behavior and who respond harshly to any degree of criticism are not emotionally mature enough to be viable partners.

[Cannot think of a name]

Partners who belittle or demean you for your hobbies or interests are not good people to be in a relationship with.

Oh god yes.

There was a whole lot more I had to delete. Imagine a few paragraphs of enthusiastic support for this idea with too many personal details.

[Grinning Dragon]

It really isn't a relationship if one puts limits and demands on the other, it shifts to having control and power over the other.
Out of all of the past girlfriends I've had I can only think of one where unreasonable demands were set by her only to be met with the talk of "are you fucking serious right now?" She ended the relationship because I "just wasn't getting it and not listening"

With my current wife, there was only one time early in the marriage she tried to demand that I refrain from doing certain things which didn't go over very well as I just ignored her ridiculous childish demand/rule. The fact is she isn't my boss nor my mother, nor anyone who holds any sort of authority over me, just as I wouldn't make ridiculous demands of her. It's a partnership not a dictatorship.

[Scomagia]

Why so?



I'm lucky in that I've never been involved with anyone that was that bad. If I met someone like that now I would run away, but younger me would probably put up with it.

It's deriving sexual pleasure from watching other people have sex. It's cheating.

Preposterous. Is it also cheating to think about someone other than my wife during solo happy time?

[Scomagia]

Acceptable restrictions are those which you are comfortable following. My wife and I don't have many explicit "rules" because we're both honest and on the same page. I have no problem, for instance, that my wife's best friend is a guy. Likewise, my best friend is a woman. That's never been an issue for either of us because we aren't paranoid. I understand that a lot of people aren't so secure, though.

[Scomagia]

It really isn't a relationship if one puts limits and demands on the other, it shifts to having control and power over the other.
Out of all of the past girlfriends I've had I can only think of one where unreasonable demands were set by her only to be met with the talk of "are you fucking serious right now?" She ended the relationship because I "just wasn't getting it and not listening"

With my current wife, there was only one time early in the marriage she tried to demand that I refrain from doing certain things which didn't go over very well as I just ignored her ridiculous childish demand/rule. The fact is she isn't my boss nor my mother, nor anyone who holds any sort of authority over me, just as I wouldn't make ridiculous demands of her. It's a partnership not a dictatorship.

Well said.

[Victorious Decepticons]

Relationships are a two way street, in that you have to bring value to the table to qualify for someone of quality. Nothing wrong with having some standards, but you can't aim out of your league either.

Ladies, forget anything about being treated like a princess. That is unrealistic. If you can't cook, clean, etc. you aren't going to keep any man for the long term.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZxyR5EMBss
More about this stuff is discussed by this radio host.

"Forget anything about being treated like a princess"

How about you forget hooking up with any women of quality? Because you're not going to find any with THAT attitude.

An eligible man can afford to hire a housekeeper and is not too stingy to do so, therefore, he will never be trying to get free maid service out of the relationship - and won't ever find out if I can clean or not.

I happen to like to cook, though. However, the minute he mistook me for his kitchen slave would be the minute he became a single man.

[The Emerald Legion]

Relationships are a two way street, in that you have to bring value to the table to qualify for someone of quality. Nothing wrong with having some standards, but you can't aim out of your league either.

Ladies, forget anything about being treated like a princess. That is unrealistic. If you can't cook, clean, etc. you aren't going to keep any man for the long term.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZxyR5EMBss
More about this stuff is discussed by this radio host.

"Forget anything about being treated like a princess"

How about you forget hooking up with any women of quality? Because you're not going to find any with THAT attitude.

An eligible man can afford to hire a housekeeper and is not too stingy to do so, therefore, he will never be trying to get free maid service out of the relationship - and won't ever find out if I can clean or not.

I happen to like to cook, though. However, the minute he mistook me for his kitchen slave would be the minute he became a single man.

> An eligible man can afford to hire a housekeeper.

Yeah.... No. Mind you, the idea that just because there is no housekeeper the woman should do the work is equally ridiculous.

Both partners are presumably adults who should be able to clean up after themselves and work together to do bigger cleaning jobs.

[Scomagia]

"Forget anything about being treated like a princess"

How about you forget hooking up with any women of quality? Because you're not going to find any with THAT attitude.

An eligible man can afford to hire a housekeeper and is not too stingy to do so, therefore, he will never be trying to get free maid service out of the relationship - and won't ever find out if I can clean or not.

I happen to like to cook, though. However, the minute he mistook me for his kitchen slave would be the minute he became a single man.

> An eligible man can afford to hire a housekeeper.

Yeah.... No. Mind you, the idea that just because there is no housekeeper the woman should do the work is equally ridiculous.

Both partners are presumably adults who should be able to clean up after themselves and work together to do bigger cleaning jobs.

Exactly. If you make a mess, you clean it up. If you ate food, you can wash your own dish. If you walk on the floors, why, you can sweep them too. It's pretty simple.

[Salus Maior]

Honestly, most of this is linked to excessive insecurity. So, I guess just keep an eye out for symptoms of that and communicate.

You know, like adults.

[New haven america]

Can watch porn with your partner.

I don't have a partner and never have so I probably don't understand.

Not an excuse, I'm in the same boat and I A. Understand, and B. Don't give a shit.

[Saiwania]

"Forget anything about being treated like a princess" How about you forget hooking up with any women of quality? Because you're not going to find any with THAT attitude. An eligible man can afford to hire a housekeeper and is not too stingy to do so, therefore, he will never be trying to get free maid service out of the relationship - and won't ever find out if I can clean or not.

I happen to like to cook, though. However, the minute he mistook me for his kitchen slave would be the minute he became a single man.

No it doesn't work this way. A woman wanting to keep a certain man is going to need to "bring more to the table" than just her body and affections. Think about what is in it for him? If objectively speaking, she is more of a "pain in the ass" to have around than an asset, he is going to leave her for a woman who is more in line with that. Just as most women won't stay with a man who doesn't take care of himself enough and doesn't have status or economic acheivement.

A lady can't expect to sleep around with dozens of men all throughout her 20s (as is too often the case nowadays) and just expect men to still be interested in her for more than just sex after she hits the wall in terms of age. If she isn't wife material, a man isn't going to marry her. Not a woman with her kind of history. Like it or not, a woman's primary value is in her ability to have children and to be a homemaker.

She can't compete with women who can fulfill that role objectively speaking. More men will pass up on a woman who doesn't or can't bring enough such value, but might only use her for sex without any real commitment. I'd say it doesn't necessarily have to be cooking or cleaning, but my point still stands about "bringing something to the table." Tradition holds that women are more suited to domestic tasks and childcare than men are- so that is what is expected whether Feminism likes this or not.

Hiring a maid is a waste of money unless you're more disabled and can't do such work on your own, or if you're wealthy enough as for this to be no real burden and effectively is pocket change in relation to someone's cash flow.

[Bear Stearns]

Ex girlfriend used to demand I call her and visit her once a week.

And I was like fug that

[Nakena]

Ex girlfriend used to demand I call her and visit her once a week.

And I was like fug that

Just once? Hell, it could have been a lot worse.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

It’s all open to discussion and depends on the couple. I draw the line, myself, at cheating on their own. Having sex with someone else together? Doesn’t bother me.