Unacceptable Restrictions in Relationships?

[US-SSR]

Usually in relationships people will have red lines as to what their partner can and cannot do. The obvious one that comes to mind is that usually a person will find it reasonable to expect their partner to refrain from engaging in romantic/sexual acts with another person. But at what point do these restrictions cross the line from being ok to being unacceptable?

Some may argue that any restrictions in a relationship are fine, as long as they are agreed beforehand by all parties to the relationship but others will view certain restrictions as overly intrusive and possibly even abusive.

So what do you guys think are acceptable restrictions or unacceptable restrictions? Have you been in relationships where your partner placed unreasonable restrictions on you? Did you find it to be abusive? I'm very interested to hear from both men and women and particularly those who engage in same sex relationships to see if you guys have a different experience or perspective.

To get the ball rolling I have a few examples of what I consider unacceptable:

1. An ex of mind got angry at me when I brought a classmate back to my room in college to do maths work together. I was young and stupid at the time so afterwards I was terrified to even have those visiting me or friends enter my room.

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

3. On a social media group, a lady complained that her partner was liking photos of other girls on Facebook.

4. Several of my friends have told of cases where their partner did not allow them to see some of their friends.

And here is why communication is so important in relationships. In each of these cases the individuals need to find time for a serious discussion of what each needs and wants, what is important to each and why, why one finds certain acts objectionable, whether that is okay or not with the other and so on, with the goal of either working toward a better, more honest, more fulfilling relationship or splitting up. Of course if the main reason for being together is to hook up, to gain status from being in a relationship, or to salve one's ego from being able to control someone else, the answer is: splitsville.

5. A friend of mine, who is not an alcoholic, was told exactly how many drinks he could have by his girlfriend.

I and my wife of 19 years at one point went through months of weekly counseling sessions, the upshot of which was that as the child and sibling of alcoholics she did not want me to drink at all. Now I had been drinking almost every day since the time I was able to afford to until then. But having realized this, after we got home I poured every drop of alcohol in the house down the sink (with the exception of some bitters I added to my fruit juice until it too ran out) and didn't take another drop for 17 weeks, then only drank occasionally until recently, when she allowed that being on medical marijuana she didn't have an ethical position to keep me from my weekend wine.

What's more important to your friend -- or to you? The relationship? Or drink? As Kipling said regarding tobacco use:

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

[New haven america]

Sorry, should've phrased that better.

You're the only one here who thinks people think those are acceptable restrictions.

Then you clearly didn't read what I posted. Wouldn't be the first time, certainly won't be the last.

NO U.

I'm gonna regret this later: Then what, pray tell, were you trying to say?

[Freaneet]

deleted

[Chestaan]

Usually in relationships people will have red lines as to what their partner can and cannot do. The obvious one that comes to mind is that usually a person will find it reasonable to expect their partner to refrain from engaging in romantic/sexual acts with another person. But at what point do these restrictions cross the line from being ok to being unacceptable?

Some may argue that any restrictions in a relationship are fine, as long as they are agreed beforehand by all parties to the relationship but others will view certain restrictions as overly intrusive and possibly even abusive.

So what do you guys think are acceptable restrictions or unacceptable restrictions? Have you been in relationships where your partner placed unreasonable restrictions on you? Did you find it to be abusive? I'm very interested to hear from both men and women and particularly those who engage in same sex relationships to see if you guys have a different experience or perspective.

To get the ball rolling I have a few examples of what I consider unacceptable:

1. An ex of mind got angry at me when I brought a classmate back to my room in college to do maths work together. I was young and stupid at the time so afterwards I was terrified to even have those visiting me or friends enter my room.

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

3. On a social media group, a lady complained that her partner was liking photos of other girls on Facebook.

4. Several of my friends have told of cases where their partner did not allow them to see some of their friends.

And here is why communication is so important in relationships. In each of these cases the individuals need to find time for a serious discussion of what each needs and wants, what is important to each and why, why one finds certain acts objectionable, whether that is okay or not with the other and so on, with the goal of either working toward a better, more honest, more fulfilling relationship or splitting up. Of course if the main reason for being together is to hook up, to gain status from being in a relationship, or to salve one's ego from being able to control someone else, the answer is: splitsville.

5. A friend of mine, who is not an alcoholic, was told exactly how many drinks he could have by his girlfriend.

I and my wife of 19 years at one point went through months of weekly counseling sessions, the upshot of which was that as the child and sibling of alcoholics she did not want me to drink at all. Now I had been drinking almost every day since the time I was able to afford to until then. But having realized this, after we got home I poured every drop of alcohol in the house down the sink (with the exception of some bitters I added to my fruit juice until it too ran out) and didn't take another drop for 17 weeks, then only drank occasionally until recently, when she allowed that being on medical marijuana she didn't have an ethical position to keep me from my weekend wine.

What's more important to your friend -- or to you? The relationship? Or drink? As Kipling said regarding tobacco use:

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

Myself, I'm not much of a drinker. When I'm with my girlfriend we drink gin together.

If the universe randomly made.me an offer, stop drinking or lose my girlfriend I would immediately stop drinking. But if a partner makes that ultimatum it's a different problem. Not giving up alcohol isn't the problem, but having your partner make what I would see as an unreasonable demand is problematic to me. It would tell me that she is a different person to what I thought.

Think of it like this, most people prefer their significant other to their friends but if your S/o demanded you stop seeing your friend who was in no way dangerous or bad, would you see it as a problem?

[Loben The 2nd]

Wanting an open relationship is a deal breaker.

[Gormwood]

It is arguably better that someone does this than actually have sex with a different person you don't know about and maybe expose you to an STI (if you're not careful). Not all cheating is created equal in that it can range from something not being a big deal to being such a betrayal.

Or you could have some fucking self control instead of being a caveman who needs to beat off or fuck anything in sight. If you're not satisfied in your relationship, break it off.

The Catholic Church tried enforced celibacy. Didn't work. Sex drive is a natural thing and masturbation in moderation is a healthy release if you don't have a relationship or fuck buddy. Unless you're shilling for the Skoptsys.

[Lanoraie II]

Lemme make it clear that nobody can restrict me in any form.

Unacceptable are any attempts to control who I talk to, when I talk to them, or why I'm talking to them that don't fit into a previously agreed upon definition of cheating. Also, attempting to control what I do or where I go, with some exceptions. We can absolutely have a discussion about certain things--if my boyfriend is uncomfortable with me flying alone to Japan, then yes, we can discuss that. If he's uncomfortable with me drinking (I don't drink now unless it's 1 glass/bottle of wine or beer respectively), we can discuss that. If he's mad and aggressive because I went to a male friend's house to study, tough shit.

[Lanoraie II]

Usually in relationships people will have red lines as to what their partner can and cannot do. The obvious one that comes to mind is that usually a person will find it reasonable to expect their partner to refrain from engaging in romantic/sexual acts with another person. But at what point do these restrictions cross the line from being ok to being unacceptable?

Some may argue that any restrictions in a relationship are fine, as long as they are agreed beforehand by all parties to the relationship but others will view certain restrictions as overly intrusive and possibly even abusive.

So what do you guys think are acceptable restrictions or unacceptable restrictions? Have you been in relationships where your partner placed unreasonable restrictions on you? Did you find it to be abusive? I'm very interested to hear from both men and women and particularly those who engage in same sex relationships to see if you guys have a different experience or perspective.

To get the ball rolling I have a few examples of what I consider unacceptable:

1. An ex of mind got angry at me when I brought a classmate back to my room in college to do maths work together. I was young and stupid at the time so afterwards I was terrified to even have those visiting me or friends enter my room.

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

3. On a social media group, a lady complained that her partner was liking photos of other girls on Facebook.

4. Several of my friends have told of cases where their partner did not allow them to see some of their friends.

5. A friend of mine, who is not an alcoholic, was told exactly how many drinks he could have by his girlfriend.

Watching porn while in a relationship is the same as cheating.

Your subjective idea is not objective. It is not at all even close to cheating in my book. Finding other people sexually attractive is normal, and as long as it doesn't become an obsession I don't really care. If they're not thinking about the porn they watch in day to day life, it's irrelevant to our relationship. I might raise a few eyebrows if they have a favorite pornstar, but it depends on how obsessive they are. Personally, my boyfriend and I have agreed that if younger (legal, but younger) Avril Lavigne ever asked one of us to have a threesome, we would.

[Page]

Usually in relationships people will have red lines as to what their partner can and cannot do. The obvious one that comes to mind is that usually a person will find it reasonable to expect their partner to refrain from engaging in romantic/sexual acts with another person. But at what point do these restrictions cross the line from being ok to being unacceptable?

Some may argue that any restrictions in a relationship are fine, as long as they are agreed beforehand by all parties to the relationship but others will view certain restrictions as overly intrusive and possibly even abusive.

So what do you guys think are acceptable restrictions or unacceptable restrictions? Have you been in relationships where your partner placed unreasonable restrictions on you? Did you find it to be abusive? I'm very interested to hear from both men and women and particularly those who engage in same sex relationships to see if you guys have a different experience or perspective.

To get the ball rolling I have a few examples of what I consider unacceptable:

1. An ex of mind got angry at me when I brought a classmate back to my room in college to do maths work together. I was young and stupid at the time so afterwards I was terrified to even have those visiting me or friends enter my room.

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

3. On a social media group, a lady complained that her partner was liking photos of other girls on Facebook.

4. Several of my friends have told of cases where their partner did not allow them to see some of their friends.

5. A friend of mine, who is not an alcoholic, was told exactly how many drinks he could have by his girlfriend.

Watching porn while in a relationship is the same as cheating.

That's like saying watching horror movies is the same as killing people.

[The New California Republic]

One unacceptable restriction would be telling me what films I could watch, what books I could read, etc. I can only just barely imagine a scenario where that'd happen; it'd have to be a pretty extreme case of a controlling and abusive relationship if a partner actually tried to set out and enforce those kinds of restrictions.

[Esheaun Stroakuss]

1. If I cannot have alone time.

2. If I cannot enjoy a piece of art/music/film.

3. If I cannot go out on my own.

4. If I cannot disagree.

[Rojava Free State]

Usually in relationships people will have red lines as to what their partner can and cannot do. The obvious one that comes to mind is that usually a person will find it reasonable to expect their partner to refrain from engaging in romantic/sexual acts with another person. But at what point do these restrictions cross the line from being ok to being unacceptable?

Some may argue that any restrictions in a relationship are fine, as long as they are agreed beforehand by all parties to the relationship but others will view certain restrictions as overly intrusive and possibly even abusive.

So what do you guys think are acceptable restrictions or unacceptable restrictions? Have you been in relationships where your partner placed unreasonable restrictions on you? Did you find it to be abusive? I'm very interested to hear from both men and women and particularly those who engage in same sex relationships to see if you guys have a different experience or perspective.

To get the ball rolling I have a few examples of what I consider unacceptable:

1. An ex of mind got angry at me when I brought a classmate back to my room in college to do maths work together. I was young and stupid at the time so afterwards I was terrified to even have those visiting me or friends enter my room.

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

3. On a social media group, a lady complained that her partner was liking photos of other girls on Facebook.

4. Several of my friends have told of cases where their partner did not allow them to see some of their friends.

And here is why communication is so important in relationships. In each of these cases the individuals need to find time for a serious discussion of what each needs and wants, what is important to each and why, why one finds certain acts objectionable, whether that is okay or not with the other and so on, with the goal of either working toward a better, more honest, more fulfilling relationship or splitting up. Of course if the main reason for being together is to hook up, to gain status from being in a relationship, or to salve one's ego from being able to control someone else, the answer is: splitsville.

5. A friend of mine, who is not an alcoholic, was told exactly how many drinks he could have by his girlfriend.

I and my wife of 19 years at one point went through months of weekly counseling sessions, the upshot of which was that as the child and sibling of alcoholics she did not want me to drink at all. Now I had been drinking almost every day since the time I was able to afford to until then. But having realized this, after we got home I poured every drop of alcohol in the house down the sink (with the exception of some bitters I added to my fruit juice until it too ran out) and didn't take another drop for 17 weeks, then only drank occasionally until recently, when she allowed that being on medical marijuana she didn't have an ethical position to keep me from my weekend wine.

What's more important to your friend -- or to you? The relationship? Or drink? As Kipling said regarding tobacco use:

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

Man rudyard was right. A cigar is cool but will eventually kill you while an annoying partner will drive you nuts forever

[Rojava Free State]

1. If I cannot have alone time.

2. If I cannot enjoy a piece of art/music/film.

3. If I cannot go out on my own.

4. If I cannot disagree.

*The Communist Chinese Party wants to know your location*

[Esheaun Stroakuss]

1. If I cannot have alone time.

2. If I cannot enjoy a piece of art/music/film.

3. If I cannot go out on my own.

4. If I cannot disagree.

*The Communist Chinese Party wants to know your location*

Fuck off, Mao! I'm telling you nothing!

[Victorious Decepticons]

"Forget anything about being treated like a princess"

How about you forget hooking up with any women of quality? Because you're not going to find any with THAT attitude.

An eligible man can afford to hire a housekeeper and is not too stingy to do so, therefore, he will never be trying to get free maid service out of the relationship - and won't ever find out if I can clean or not.

I happen to like to cook, though. However, the minute he mistook me for his kitchen slave would be the minute he became a single man.

> An eligible man can afford to hire a housekeeper.

Yeah.... No.

Yeah...YEAH.

By the wealth distribution charts I've seen, my criterion means that 20% of the population should remain eligible - and likely, many more (I knew one woman who had a maid even though her house was quite modest, indicating that it's about priorities more than raw wealth).

You apparently not fitting into that 20% does not make my criterion invalid.

The right man does not have the mindset that annoying things like housework - or work, period - need to be put up with, period. That thinking is not in line with mine at all, meaning that he is not going to be a good match! We need to be able to plan together to come up with, and implement, ways to avoid all work without suffering any declines in quality of life due to that avoidance. If "hire a maid" isn't his first solution to housework, he had better be suggesting to buy a robot to do it instead. Otherwise his thinking is way too in-the-box.

That isn't to say anyone should be intentionally leaving a mess all over the place. And until the maid/robot are obtained, both should work together to do the peasant work. But he damned well does need to have the ambition to get us above that!

And don't even get me started on my opinion of people who think that having a job, instead of being self-employed, is acceptable...

[United Muscovite Nations]

Watching porn while in a relationship is the same as cheating.

That's like saying watching horror movies is the same as killing people.

It's receiving sexual gratification from another person.

[Esheaun Stroakuss]

That's like saying watching horror movies is the same as killing people.

It's receiving sexual gratification from another person.

But you're not fucking your computer screen. At least, I hope not.

If we're talking Skype calling someone and mutually masturbating with them, yeah, I guess that could count. Watching porn, though? Not cheating.

[The New California Republic]

That's like saying watching horror movies is the same as killing people.

It's receiving sexual gratification from another person.

A film or magazine is a person now?

[United Muscovite Nations]

It's receiving sexual gratification from another person.

But you're not fucking your computer screen. At least, I hope not.

If we're talking Skype calling someone and mutually masturbating with them, yeah, I guess that could count. Watching porn, though? Not cheating.

Just because you're not literally fucking someone doesn't mean you're not cheating. It's the thought that counts.

[United Muscovite Nations]

It's receiving sexual gratification from another person.

A film or magazine is a person now?

The person in the pictures is.

[The New California Republic]

A film or magazine is a person now?

The person in the pictures is.

It's a depiction of a person, not a person as such.

[Esheaun Stroakuss]

But you're not fucking your computer screen. At least, I hope not.

If we're talking Skype calling someone and mutually masturbating with them, yeah, I guess that could count. Watching porn, though? Not cheating.

Just because you're not literally fucking someone doesn't mean you're not cheating. It's the thought that counts.

There is a big difference between thinking, "cor, I'd do him/her/it" to actually having sex with them. Just because you've already ordered doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

[United Muscovite Nations]

The person in the pictures is.

It's a depiction of a person, not a person as such.

You're still getting gratification from the image of the person, which would be no different if they were standing ten feet in front of you, as the image in your brain is also "merely" an image.

[United Muscovite Nations]

Just because you're not literally fucking someone doesn't mean you're not cheating. It's the thought that counts.

There is a big difference between thinking, "cor, I'd do him/her/it" to actually having sex with them. Just because you've already ordered doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

If you're imagining sex with the person and stimulating the thought, then you've already been disloyal.

[The New California Republic]

It's a depiction of a person, not a person as such.

You're still getting gratification from the image of the person, which would be no different if they were standing ten feet in front of you, as the image in your brain is also "merely" an image.

Nope. There is an extra layer of disconnect.