Chestaan wrote:Usually in relationships people will have red lines as to what their partner can and cannot do. The obvious one that comes to mind is that usually a person will find it reasonable to expect their partner to refrain from engaging in romantic/sexual acts with another person. But at what point do these restrictions cross the line from being ok to being unacceptable?
Some may argue that any restrictions in a relationship are fine, as long as they are agreed beforehand by all parties to the relationship but others will view certain restrictions as overly intrusive and possibly even abusive.
So what do you guys think are acceptable restrictions or unacceptable restrictions? Have you been in relationships where your partner placed unreasonable restrictions on you? Did you find it to be abusive? I'm very interested to hear from both men and women and particularly those who engage in same sex relationships to see if you guys have a different experience or perspective.
To get the ball rolling I have a few examples of what I consider unacceptable:
1. An ex of mind got angry at me when I brought a classmate back to my room in college to do maths work together. I was young and stupid at the time so afterwards I was terrified to even have those visiting me or friends enter my room.
2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.
3. On a social media group, a lady complained that her partner was liking photos of other girls on Facebook.
4. Several of my friends have told of cases where their partner did not allow them to see some of their friends.
And here is why communication is so important in relationships. In each of these cases the individuals need to find time for a serious discussion of what each needs and wants, what is important to each and why, why one finds certain acts objectionable, whether that is okay or not with the other and so on, with the goal of either working toward a better, more honest, more fulfilling relationship or splitting up. Of course if the main reason for being together is to hook up, to gain status from being in a relationship, or to salve one's ego from being able to control someone else, the answer is: splitsville.
5. A friend of mine, who is not an alcoholic, was told exactly how many drinks he could have by his girlfriend.
I and my wife of 19 years at one point went through months of weekly counseling sessions, the upshot of which was that as the child and sibling of alcoholics she did not want me to drink at all. Now I had been drinking almost every day since the time I was able to afford to until then. But having realized this, after we got home I poured every drop of alcohol in the house down the sink (with the exception of some bitters I added to my fruit juice until it too ran out) and didn't take another drop for 17 weeks, then only drank occasionally until recently, when she allowed that being on medical marijuana she didn't have an ethical position to keep me from my weekend wine.
What's more important to your friend -- or to you? The relationship? Or drink? As Kipling said regarding tobacco use:
A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.