Unacceptable Restrictions in Relationships?

[Freaneet]

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[Chestaan]

I personally feel like some restrictions can even be toxic if they're agreed in advance. There are some pretty desperate people out there who are dating a person way outta their league which is GOOD but ... A lot of times they don't have the power to reject the demands the other is making of them. Like they can, but they're so desperate for a relationship that they become easily controlled.

A friend of mine now lives with a girl (Sorry I used a woman as an example, as apparently that means I'm bashing women ... Except no, I've seen just as many men being controlling nublets) who insists on joining EVERY SKYPE CALL and EVERY GAME we play together. She's always asking him what he's doing, needs to know every moment of his life, and when the dude came and visited me OUT OF STATE and we were smoking weed he felt the need to let her know what was happening and text her every 10 minutes.

From the perspective of men, I have a neighbor (Single, wonder why) who insists that it would be unacceptable for his partner to

1: Fail to shave her legs at any point for any reason

2: Wear revealing clothing

3: Have a "Leadership role" in "society"

4: "Get too talk-backity"

______________

The issue here is that I know people of both genders who seriously are desperate enough for attention that they'd put up with that crap and get sucked into it like a black hole. I think there's a genuine power dynamic there which is being abused by the one making demands.

The ideal relationship would relax restrictions over time as you gain more trust in each other, and should be open to discussion - A good partner both has respect for the freedom of their spouse, but should also be granted respect with things that make them really uncomfortable.

Example? At first my partner was not comfortable with my gun collection and wanted it gone. Did I do that? Fuuuck no. What I did was agree to keep it locked up and out of their sight ... A few years later they're pro Second Amendment and want me to buy MORE guns. Healthy relationships involve granting concessions like that, and change of both parties over time.

I think controlling and manipulative people take advantage of those with low self-esteem or who just don't know any better. They know that they can get away with imposing ridiculous rules because the other person doesn't want to lose them. Best we can hope for is, like the lady Gauth mentioned earlier, that they eventually get out of that horrible environment.

[Kaltovar]

snip.

And it's the duty of the person's friends to try and let them know what's happening is not okay, even though the abused partner in the relationship (male or female) will often lash out at you and try to defend their abuser.

[Kaltovar]

Porn is cheating, and not only that it is destructive.

How am I happily married for 6 years to somebody I met through our shared interest in a specific type of porn, then?

Sorry for Double Post.

[Chestaan]

Porn is cheating, and not only that it is destructive.

May I ask if you are a man/woman/non-binary? And also what your preference is in relationships?

[Chestaan]

snip.

And it's the duty of the person's friends to try and let them know what's happening is not okay, even though the abused partner in the relationship (male or female) will often lash out at you and try to defend their abuser.

Absolutely. It's very hard to be that friend but it is 100% correct to call out that bullshit

[Saiwania]

Relationships are a two way street, in that you have to bring value to the table to qualify for someone of quality. Nothing wrong with having some standards, but you can't aim out of your league either.

Ladies, forget anything about being treated like a princess. That is unrealistic. If you can't cook, clean, etc. you aren't going to keep any man for the long term. Same as how a man isn't going to keep any woman if he doesn't stay in physical shape, doesn't have his hygiene and game down, and doesn't earn decent money and can't take care of himself to a minimum.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZxyR5EMBss
More about this stuff is discussed by this radio host.

[Freaneet]

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[Kaltovar]

Relationships are a two way street, in that you have to bring value to the table to qualify for someone of quality. Nothing wrong with having some standards, but you can't aim out of your league either.

Ladies, forget anything about being treated like a princess. That is unrealistic. If you can't cook, clean, etc. you aren't going to keep any man for the long term. Same as how a man isn't going to keep any woman if he doesn't stay in physical shape, has his hygiene and game down, and earns decent money and can take care of himself to a minimum.

Depends on the prefs of the people involved. My neighbors prefer for the woman to work and the man to stay at home cleaning and cooking and both seem happy.

[Freaneet]

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[Kaltovar]

How am I happily married for 6 years to somebody I met through our shared interest in a specific type of porn, then?

Drugs?

No, and your implication is both bigoted and disgusting.

"noun: bigotry; plural noun: bigotries

intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from oneself."

[Ethel mermania]

I am going to go with whatever is agreed to by the couple. It's their relationship, no one elses.

[Chestaan]

May I ask if you are a man/woman/non-binary? And also what your preference is in relationships?

Cis white male who unfortunately is attracted to women, which makes me feel somewhat shameful.

Ok, would it be acceptable for a man to demand that his female partner doesn't watch porn?

[Freaneet]

deleted

[Chestaan]

No, and your implication is both bigoted and disgusting.

"noun: bigotry; plural noun: bigotries

intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from oneself."

I just do not understand how you can have a relationship with anyone who watches porn.

Can watch porn with your partner.

[Freaneet]

deleted

[Nakena]

No, and your implication is both bigoted and disgusting.

"noun: bigotry; plural noun: bigotries

intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from oneself."

I just do not understand how you can have a relationship with anyone who watches porn.

You will

[Kaltovar]

No, and your implication is both bigoted and disgusting.

"noun: bigotry; plural noun: bigotries

intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from oneself."

I just do not understand how you can have a relationship with anyone who watches porn.

I truly mean it when I say I find it difficult to understand how you can object to it.

I feel absolutely nothing when I walk in and they're doing that. If anything, sometimes it's exciting and I jump on them and get better action because of the porn they were watching.

I'm not home all the time ... I'd rather have them getting excited by inanimate objects than getting so desperate to release that energy they start actually cheating on me with another human.

I'm not worried they're going to run away with their computer and marry it.

[Nakena]

Porn is cheating, and not only that it is destructive.

The harder you fight it, the more it will come back. You can't win against porn.

[Esheaun Stroakuss]

I don't see the problem personally.

[Purgatio]

Controlling/jealous/paranoid behaviour of any kind is definitely an unacceptable restriction, basically any behaviour which is a tell-tale sign that your partner regards you as their property or under their control in some way, because that's the kind of thing that tends to escalate over time

[Bruneian Malaya]

Demanding that their partner not need to follow religious priorities around them.

[Kaltovar]

Demanding that their partner not need to follow religious priorities around them.

That would be pretty egregious.

[Kubra]

On one hand, so long as these matters are discussed and agreed upon beforehand it's pretty much whatever.
Buuuuuuuut any romantic relation that comes to resemble a property relation ain't healthy in the *slightest*, regardless of earlier discussion. That's 2 people in for between a month to lifetime of mutual loathing/self-loathing.

[Diopolis]

Utah is the most porn consuming state in America, and the most religious. (Specifically Mormon, who view porn as cheating)

Funny how that happens.

I’ll point out that those statistics only measure subscriptions and Mormons are rather notorious for being technologically... out of it.