Unacceptable Restrictions in Relationships?

[Chestaan]

Usually in relationships people will have red lines as to what their partner can and cannot do. The obvious one that comes to mind is that usually a person will find it reasonable to expect their partner to refrain from engaging in romantic/sexual acts with another person. But at what point do these restrictions cross the line from being ok to being unacceptable?

Some may argue that any restrictions in a relationship are fine, as long as they are agreed beforehand by all parties to the relationship but others will view certain restrictions as overly intrusive and possibly even abusive.

So what do you guys think are acceptable restrictions or unacceptable restrictions? Have you been in relationships where your partner placed unreasonable restrictions on you? Did you find it to be abusive? I'm very interested to hear from both men and women and particularly those who engage in same sex relationships to see if you guys have a different experience or perspective.

To get the ball rolling I have a few examples of what I consider unacceptable:

1. An ex of mind got angry at me when I brought a classmate back to my room in college to do maths work together. I was young and stupid at the time so afterwards I was terrified to even have those visiting me or friends enter my room.

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

3. On a social media group, a lady complained that her partner was liking photos of other girls on Facebook.

4. Several of my friends have told of cases where their partner did not allow them to see some of their friends.

5. A friend of mine, who is not an alcoholic, was told exactly how many drinks he could have by his girlfriend.

[Freaneet]

This is going to be another woman bashing thread, isn't it? Mods, lock this.

[Chestaan]

This is going to be another woman bashing thread, isn't it? Mods, lock this.

What?! Women and men are free to post here. How is asking for experiences about relationships anti-women?

[Greed and Death]

Usually in relationships people will have red lines as to what their partner can and cannot do. The obvious one that comes to mind is that usually a person will find it reasonable to expect their partner to refrain from engaging in romantic/sexual acts with another person. But at what point do these restrictions cross the line from being ok to being unacceptable?

Some may argue that any restrictions in a relationship are fine, as long as they are agreed beforehand by all parties to the relationship but others will view certain restrictions as overly intrusive and possibly even abusive.

So what do you guys think are acceptable restrictions or unacceptable restrictions? Have you been in relationships where your partner placed unreasonable restrictions on you? Did you find it to be abusive? I'm very interested to hear from both men and women and particularly those who engage in same sex relationships to see if you guys have a different experience or perspective.

To get the ball rolling I have a few examples of what I consider unacceptable:

1. An ex of mind got angry at me when I brought a classmate back to my room in college to do maths work together. I was young and stupid at the time so afterwards I was terrified to even have those visiting me or friends enter my room.

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

3. On a social media group, a lady complained that her partner was liking photos of other girls on Facebook.

4. Several of my friends have told of cases where their partner did not allow them to see some of their friends.

5. A friend of mine, who is not an alcoholic, was told exactly how many drinks he could have by his girlfriend.

I have dated all of those. All of those are a run.

[Freaneet]

This is going to be another woman bashing thread, isn't it? Mods, lock this.

What?! Women and men are free to post here. How is asking for experiences about relationships anti-women?

The examples you gave perpetuated age old stereotypes of "controlling women".

[Imperial Fascist States]

This is going to be another woman bashing thread, isn't it? Mods, lock this.

Thats quite the assumption there, IF it develops into such a thread then sure mods should lock it down. But don't just go around making assumptions like that.

[Alvecia]

This is going to be another woman bashing thread, isn't it? Mods, lock this.

What?! Women and men are free to post here. How is asking for experiences about relationships anti-women?

Ignore them.

I’d say it’s very dependent on the couple in question.
What’s unacceptable to one might be barely worth discussing to another.
I think just an unwillingness to communicate would be a personal line for me.

Most things can be resolved just by talking them out.

[Greed and Death]

What?! Women and men are free to post here. How is asking for experiences about relationships anti-women?

The examples you gave perpetuated age old stereotypes of "controlling women".

1. is also common to guys

3 isn't age old as social media is fairly new

4. that is stereotyped as much if not more on controller guys.

[Imperial Fascist States]

What?! Women and men are free to post here. How is asking for experiences about relationships anti-women?

The examples you gave perpetuated age old stereotypes of "controlling women".

Because those are the experiences he's had, men can be plenty controlling too, you sexist.

[Chestaan]

What?! Women and men are free to post here. How is asking for experiences about relationships anti-women?

The examples you gave perpetuated age old stereotypes of "controlling women".

The examples all happened. I also gave an example that mostly pertains to women, the "you can't see your friends" one. Usually I hear of this problem from women.

Are straight men now not allowed be upset if their partner is treating them badly or abusing them?

[Freaneet]

deleted

[Chestaan]

What?! Women and men are free to post here. How is asking for experiences about relationships anti-women?

Ignore them.

I’d say it’s very dependent on the couple in question.
What’s unacceptable to one might be barely worth discussing to another.
I think just an unwillingness to communicate would be a personal line for me.

Most things can be resolved just by talking them out.

This is something I was thinking about before posting the thread, basically any restrictions on behavior is fine if both people are ok with it. I guess it mostly becomes a problem if it arrives midway through the relationship and wasn't agreed on before.

[Alvecia]

Ignore them.

I’d say it’s very dependent on the couple in question.
What’s unacceptable to one might be barely worth discussing to another.
I think just an unwillingness to communicate would be a personal line for me.

Most things can be resolved just by talking them out.

This is something I was thinking about before posting the thread, basically any restrictions on behavior is fine if both people are ok with it. I guess it mostly becomes a problem if it arrives midway through the relationship and wasn't agreed on before.

I suspect that’s one of those “cross that bridge when you get to it” things. Life and love are messy both, you can’t plan out every eventuality.

[Eglaecia]

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

It is.

[Rojava Free State]

If you get jealous anytime your partner talks to someone of the opposite gender, you've got an issue in your cranium

[Chestaan]

2. A friend of mine had a girlfriend who considered watching porn to be the same as cheating.

It is.

Why so?

If you get jealous anytime your partner talks to someone of the opposite gender, you've got an issue in your cranium

I'm lucky in that I've never been involved with anyone that was that bad. If I met someone like that now I would run away, but younger me would probably put up with it.

[Gormwood]

There was a news story a while back about a woman who ended a relationship because her manbaby of an ex-boyfriend had written a list of Taliban-grade rules she was supposed to follow.

[Kaltovar]

I personally feel like some restrictions can even be toxic if they're agreed in advance. There are some pretty desperate people out there who are dating a person way outta their league which is GOOD but ... A lot of times they don't have the power to reject the demands the other is making of them. Like they can, but they're so desperate for a relationship that they become easily controlled.

A friend of mine now lives with a girl (Sorry I used a woman as an example, as apparently that means I'm bashing women ... Except no, I've seen just as many men being controlling nublets) who insists on joining EVERY SKYPE CALL and EVERY GAME we play together. She's always asking him what he's doing, needs to know every moment of his life, and when the dude came and visited me OUT OF STATE and we were smoking weed he felt the need to let her know what was happening and text her every 10 minutes.

From the perspective of men, I have a neighbor (Single, wonder why) who insists that it would be unacceptable for his partner to

1: Fail to shave her legs at any point for any reason

2: Wear revealing clothing

3: Have a "Leadership role" in "society"

4: "Get too talk-backity"

______________

The issue here is that I know people of both genders who seriously are desperate enough for attention that they'd put up with that crap and get sucked into it like a black hole. I think there's a genuine power dynamic there which is being abused by the one making demands.

The ideal relationship would relax restrictions over time as you gain more trust in each other, and should be open to discussion - A good partner both has respect for the freedom of their spouse, but should also be granted respect with things that make them really uncomfortable.

Example? At first my partner was not comfortable with my gun collection and wanted it gone. Did I do that? Fuuuck no. What I did was agree to keep it locked up and out of their sight ... A few years later they're pro Second Amendment and want me to buy MORE guns. Healthy relationships involve granting concessions like that, and change of both parties over time.

[Chestaan]

There was a news story a while back about a woman who ended a relationship because her manbaby of an ex-boyfriend had written a list of Taliban-grade rules she was supposed to follow.

Fair play to her to get the hell out of that! I've never had someone anyone close to that awful to me, but I know how hard it can be to leave someone even when they are being absurdly awful.

[Eglaecia]

It is.

Why so?

If you get jealous anytime your partner talks to someone of the opposite gender, you've got an issue in your cranium

I'm lucky in that I've never been involved with anyone that was that bad. If I met someone like that now I would run away, but younger me would probably put up with it.

It's deriving sexual pleasure from watching other people have sex. It's cheating.

[Alvecia]

Why so?



I'm lucky in that I've never been involved with anyone that was that bad. If I met someone like that now I would run away, but younger me would probably put up with it.

It's deriving sexual pleasure from watching other people have sex. It's cheating.

I wouldn't consider that cheating.

[Kaltovar]

Why so?



I'm lucky in that I've never been involved with anyone that was that bad. If I met someone like that now I would run away, but younger me would probably put up with it.

It's deriving sexual pleasure from watching other people have sex. It's cheating.

To me cheating is when the other person engages in behavior that actually means the development of a relationship with somebody else. Being threatened by dead images displayed on an inanimate object would be a really stressful way to live, and you will have a very difficult time not feeling betrayed no matter who you get with because the vast majority of people watch porn at some point in their life regardless of their personal beliefs on the matter.

Utah is the most porn consuming state in America, and the most religious. (Specifically Mormon, who view porn as cheating) - I would actually argue that the mystification and repression of one's natural urges to watch porn lead to an OBSESSION with it that is not healthy.

[Alvecia]

Utah is the most porn consuming state in America, and the most religious. (Specifically Mormon, who view porn as cheating)

Funny how that happens.

[Gormwood]

Why so?



I'm lucky in that I've never been involved with anyone that was that bad. If I met someone like that now I would run away, but younger me would probably put up with it.

It's deriving sexual pleasure from watching other people have sex. It's cheating.

That's like saying smelling food from a restaurant is stealing the food.

[Kaltovar]

Utah is the most porn consuming state in America, and the most religious. (Specifically Mormon, who view porn as cheating)

Funny how that happens.

Yeah, it seems to me that mystifying a normal human instinct and unnaturally blocking yourself off from it throws your body and it's hormones out of balance and leads to you becoming weirdly obsessed with what'd otherwise just be a normal bodily function.

Imagine how weird you'd get about urinating if your religion said you could only do it once in the morning and once at night. You'd probably end up fetishizing the act subconsciously and developing an unhealthy relationship with urine.